Biography for Beginners

Biography for Beginners Being a Collection of Miscellaneous Examples for the Use of Upper Forms

INTRODUCTORY REMARKS

The Art of BiographyIs different from Geography.Geography is about Maps,But Biography is about Chaps.

SIR CHRISTOPHER WREN

Sir Christopher WrenSaid, "I am going to dine with some men."If anybody calls"Say I am designing St. Paul's."

MIGUEL DE CERVANTES

The people of Spain think CervantesEqual to half-a-dozen Dantes:An opinion resented most bitterlyBy the people of Italy.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW

Mr Bernard ShawWas just setting out for the war,When he heard it was a dangerous tradeAnd demonstrably underpaid.

SIR HUMPHREY DAVY

Sir Humphrey DavyAbominated gravy.He lived in the odiumOf having discovered Sodium.

J. S. MILL

John Stuart Mill,By a mighty effort of will,Overcame his natural bonhomieAnd wrote "Principles of Political Economy."

FRANÇOIS LISZT

The Abbé LisztHit the piano with his fist.That was the wayHe used to play.

LORD CLIVE

What I like about CliveIs that he is no longer alive.There is a great deal to be saidFor being dead.

KING EDWARD THE CONFESSOR

Edward the ConfessorSlept under the dresser.When that began to pall,He slept in the hall.

THE REV. JOHN CLIFFORD M.A., LL.B., D.D

Dr CliffordAnd I have differed.He disapproves of gin:I disapprove of sin.

MESSRS CHAPMAN & HALL

Chapman & HallSwore not at all.Mr Chapman's yea was yea,And Mr Hall's nay was nay.

KARL MARX

Karl MarxWas completely wrapped up in his sharks.The poor creatures seriously missed himWhile he was attacking the capitalist system.

OTTO THE GREAT

The great Emperor OttoCould not decide upon a motto.His mind wavered between"L'Etat C'est Moi" and "Ich Dien."

MARCONI

Guglielmo MarconiWas brought up on macaroni,But when he gets it nowThere's no end of a row.

DAVID HUME

That you have all heard of HumeI tacitly assume;But you didn't know, perhaps,That his parents were Lapps.

MR H. BELLOC

Mr Hilaire BellocIs a case for legislation ad hoc.He seems to think nobody mindsHis books being all of different kinds.

JOB

It is understood that JobNever read "The Globe;"But nothing could be higher thanHis opinion of Leviathan.

PIZARRO

The views of PizarroWere perhaps a little narrow.He killed the CaciquesBecause (he said) they were sneaks.

THE DUKE OF FIFE K.T., P.C., G.C.V.O

It looked bad when the Duke of FifeLeft off using a knife;But people began to talkWhen he left off using a fork.

THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON

The great Duke of WellingtonReduced himself to a skellington.He reached seven stone two,And then – Waterloo!

JOHN BUNYAN

I do not extenuate Bunyan'sIntemperate use of onions,But if I knew a wicked ogressI would lend her "The Pilgrim's Progress."

GEORGE HIRST

When I faced the bowling of HirstI ejaculated, "Do your worst!"He said, "Right you are, Sid."-And he did.

ERASMUS AND THE HUMANISTS

After dinner, ErasmusTold Colet not to be "blas'mous"Which Colet, with some heat,Requested him to repeat.

BESANT AND RICE

Sir (then Mr) Walter BesantWould never touch pheasant,But Mr James RiceThought it so nice.

TIZIANO VECELLI

When the great TitianWas in a critical condition,He was carefully nursedBy Francis the First.

PROFESSOR JAMES DEWAR, F.R.S

Professor DewarIs a better man than you are.None of you assesCan condense gases.

SIR WALTER RALEIGH

Sir Walter RaleighBickered down the valley.But he could do better than the rill,For he could bicker up-hill.

JANE AUSTEN

The novels of Jane AustenAre the ones to get lost in.I wonder if LabbyHas read "Northanger Abbey?"

ODO OF BAYEUX

Archbishop OdoWas just in the middle of "Dodo,"When he remembered that it was Sunday."Sic transit gloria mundi."

DAVID RICARDO

The intrepid RicardoWith characteristic bravado,Alluded openly to RentWherever he went.

SIR THOMAS À MALLORY

Sir Thomas à MalloryAlways went to the gallery.He said, not without nous,That it was the best place in the house.

MR ALFRED BEIT

Mr Alfred BeitScreamed suddenly in the night.When they asked him whyHe made no reply.

CIMABUE

When they told CimabueHe didn't know how to cooee,He replied, "Perhaps I mayn't,But I do know how to paint."

PRESIDENT ROOSEVELT

If only Mr RooseveltKnew how officers in the Blues felt,He wouldn't be so rifeWith his Strenuous Life.

ROBERT HARLEY, EARL OF OXFORD

People wondered why HarleySang "Wae's me for Prince Charlie.""It is childish," they said, "to mournFor a person not yet born."

SIR ALEXANDER FULLER ACLAND-HOOD, M.P

Sir Alexander Acland-HoodBelieved in Free Food:But he was EleusinianAbout this opinion.

MAHOMET

I am not Mahomet.-Far from it.That is the mistakeAll of you seem to make.

EDVARD GRIEG

The musician GriegJoined the Primrose League.It gave him the idea of his chorus,"The Unburied Ichthyosaurus."

JAN VAN EYCK

The younger Van EyckWas christened Jan, and not Mike.The thought of this curious mistakeOften kept him awake.

MR T. WERNER LAURIE

Mr Werner LaurieIs not at all sorryHe undertook the publicationOf this instructive compilation.