A Kiss To Change Her Life

‘She died.’ He didn’t have to turn his head to know he’d left Jessica open-mouthed; those words always had the same effect when he was forced to say them.

Usually he resisted telling people about his personal circumstances for as long as he could. This time, instead of reliving the horror by bringing it up, he found some relief in sharing his secret. It was somehow less painful than he’d imagined. In that brief moment he’d been able to actually be himself and stop pretending he was a man who had it all. As if he’d exhaled the toxins of the past in one deep, cleansing breath.

It was something he should’ve confided a long time ago. He knew Maria and plenty of others were curious about his wedding ring and lack of wife but he’d never been drawn to spill the details. It would only have led to more questions he wasn’t prepared to answer.

There was something he recognised of himself in Jessica. Something about her which put him at ease in her company. Something dangerous.

‘I’m sorry.’ Jessica mentally facepalmed as she suffered a bout of foot-in-mouth disease. She would never have made such crass comments if she’d known he was a widower. In truth, she’d only said those things to remind herself that he was out of bounds. Her libido had pinged back to full strength when she’d felt those strong muscular thighs beneath her fingers. Now here she was having hot flashes which were more to do with lusting over a grieving man than her hormones. Mother Nature’s timing was as atrocious as ever.

‘Thanks.’ Rob kept his eyes firmly on the road, leaving Jessica unable to read him. His locked-out arms and firmly set jaw told her she probably wasn’t meant to, but it would be remiss of her not to probe further when he’d volunteered that first revealing nugget.

‘Was your wife Scottish too, or local?’ It was a question Jessica deemed not too intrusive but designed to give her an idea of the timeline involved here. He was still wearing his wedding ring after all. Rob had been at the hospital for a few years, so if he’d met his other half after he’d started his post here it could have been a recent passing. Even Jessica wouldn’t put a newly bereaved doctor in front of the camera if he still had issues to work through. She made a note to quiz Maria Dean, the senior nurse on staff, who, unlike Rob, always seemed happy to talk.

‘Leah was from Edinburgh, same as me.’ The muscle in Rob’s jaw twitched and Jessica could almost hear his teeth grinding together.

A name. An indication that he’d probably come to Northern Ireland after her death. Progress.

‘Do you mind me asking—’

‘Can we drop this, please?’ This time he did look at her, shooting blue laser beams at her and leaving her under no illusion that the subject was a no-go zone for the foreseeable future. Apparently he did mind, cutting her off before she could enquire about what had happened to Leah.

‘Sure. Sorry.’ She was. Sorry she’d got him offside again, sorry he’d lost his wife and, most of all, sorry she’d brought it all back to him.

They spent the rest of the car journey to work in silence, Rob clearly lost in his memories and Jessica unwilling to say anything more in case she upset him further. If circumstances were reversed, she wouldn’t appreciate anyone prying into her past to open old wounds either. Although her ex was still very much alive, it didn’t make reminders of him any less painful. Each time Adam came to mind, he brought thoughts of her own failings with him.

Perhaps Rob was going through something similar, taking the blame for events most probably beyond his control. She’d only recently begun working free of that guilt trap herself. That was why this job meant so much to her. Although she’d ultimately flunked the wife exam, she could still be a success in other areas of her life. It had taken a long time for her to come to terms with that.

It was possible she’d found a kindred spirit who’d also channelled all of his energy into his career rather than risk the heartache of another relationship. The thought comforted her even though the renewed awkwardness between them was palpable, since Rob didn’t seem inclined to even switch the radio on. Jessica didn’t dare defy him any further by doing it herself.

The heavy atmosphere in the car only began to lift when the familiar glass building came into sight. Most likely he was as eager to get to work as she was and check his personal baggage at the hospital door. There was nothing like deadlines and adrenaline to clear the head first thing in the morning.

Jessica unclipped her seat belt and reached for the door handle. ‘Thanks for the lift. I’ll jump out here.’

While Rob waited for the barrier to open at the entrance to the staff car park, Jessica made a swift exit from the vehicle to give him some time out. Maybe if he had some space from her for a few minutes he could forget she’d done the one thing she’d promised not to do. Privacy was his keyword and she’d tried to swerve his to satisfy her own agenda. Since he was the lead here it was going to take an extra effort to convince him she wasn’t Satan’s daughter recording peoples’ suffering for kicks. He was the first man since Adam whom she wanted to know there was a soft heart beneath her crisp, ruthless producer shell.

‘Did I see you arrive with Jessica this morning?’ Maria interrupted Rob’s thoughts as he flicked through his schedule for the day.

‘My good deed for the day. Don’t read anything into it.’ He warned her off before she started her matchmaking mischief again. Ever since coming here he’d had to endure her futile attempts to see him settled down again.

He was sure Maria meant well but he needed a break from awkward dinner dates and disappointment. He didn’t want to forget. Grief, Leah and Mollie were all part of him. He didn’t want to move on and pretend that the best and worst things in his life had never happened. His wife and daughter deserved to be remembered and he deserved to live with the guilt of what had happened for the rest of his life.

Luckily for Maria, he could never get cross with her when she’d been his lifeline in a sea of despair. They’d immediately bonded over their shared devotion to their patients when he’d first started here. He hadn’t told her, or any of his colleagues, about the accident even though it was clear he was on his own. He didn’t want anyone to see him as anything other than a leader of his field. It was in everyone’s best interests that he remained the strong stalwart during the hardships they faced here and not simply another grieving parent. Although it didn’t stop her from setting him up with the nearest available spinster at every given opportunity.

‘Why not? She’s young, single, attractive …’

And definitely not the settling-down type. The ideal woman for a no-emotions-required fling if they were both looking for one. There was just something about Jessica Halliday that set Rob’s Spidey senses on high alert.

‘I don’t dispute the facts but you forgot to mention nosy and incredibly frustrating.’ He’d known her only five minutes and she’d already unearthed more about his personal life than most of his colleagues were privy to. He wasn’t in a hurry to share any more.

‘Ah, she’s got under your skin already.’ Maria nodded with a knowing Rob-baiting smile.

‘Not at all.’ She was most definitely under his skin, to the point of irritation, but he didn’t want Maria encouraging Jessica’s interest, or vice versa. The last thing he needed was another concerned female hell-bent on getting him to dig deep into his emotion bank. That sucker was closed tight, hermetically sealed, weighted down and buried at the bottom of the River Lagan.

‘I had several meetings with her in the lead-up to filming. She’s no wallflower, that’s for sure. Definitely not afraid to voice her opinion or ask difficult questions. Is that what you’re afraid of?’ Maria cocked an eyebrow at him. She knew him too well.

‘I’m not averse to a strong-minded woman, as you very well know.’ He gave her a flirty wink and hoped it was enough to end the conversation.

Instead, Maria rested her hand gently on top of Rob’s in that sympathetic way that always made him want to push her away. He’d moved to Belfast to escape the pity party, not find himself as the guest of honour at another one. ‘Don’t give up on love. The right person is out there for you somewhere.’

Every time Rob heard those words he imagined a saxophone and some electric guitar playing him his very own power ballad. All he needed was a fog machine and a mullet and he’d be the epitome of eighties angst. He’d had the right person and she was gone. Nothing could change that.

Lucky for him he was in a busy hospital ward and not the dingy bedroom of his teenage self, so there was nowhere for him to sit and wail over the girl he’d lost.

Jessica’s head was pounding and her stomach begging for something more substantial than the two headache tablets she’d consumed. She’d missed breakfast this morning and ended up skipping lunch in favour of a particularly fraught meeting with the director over content. He wanted more footage of Rob outside of his hospital role so that viewers were able to relate to him on a personal level as well as a professional one. That was akin to asking her to produce footage of the Loch Ness monster.

On top of that, she wasn’t relishing the turn today’s filming was about to take. It was going to be a tough one for all involved. She’d spoken to the family concerned to ensure they were ready to tell their daughter Lauren’s story on camera and she was aware there would be no happy ending to this tale. Unfortunately, palliative care was part of cancer and it didn’t discriminate against age. The treatment might help to make the patient more comfortable in the short-term but it wouldn’t cure the illness.

Jessica didn’t have to have children of her own to understand how incredibly distressing this would be. The professional producer in her agreed with the director that they had to include light and shade if they were going to chart the reality of the department. Her heart, however, wanted her to avoid any further reminder of cancer’s destructive nature. This was a child, a baby, who’d been denied a second chance at life. In the end, it was the family who’d made the final decision to go ahead. They were keen to highlight Lauren’s condition in the hope that a cure would be found some day. Jessica would simply have to try to remain emotionally detached from the subject. Easier said than done.

She massaged her temples as that heavy pressure seemed to bore down further inside her skull. The smell of coffee and cake hit her as she walked through the entrance hall on her way to meet the camera crew and she saw a few of the parents had set up a stall in the main foyer selling tray bakes and goodies to add to the scanner coffers. There were several tables and chairs dotted around for visitors and staff to take a timeout along with their treats.

Rob was there, talking and laughing with the mums with a box full of home-baked goodies in his hands. He really went above and beyond the call of duty for his patients and their families. The TV business wasn’t exactly a breeding ground for that kind of altruism and Jessica found it refreshing. It was a pity she’d been such a cow to him this morning by prying into his private life. He was a nice guy and it had been a long time since she’d met one of those.

She started towards the stall to offer an apology and try to make amends but her legs wobbled beneath her. A heaviness settled over her entire body and she was helpless as she felt herself falling. Rob rushing towards her was the last thing she saw before darkness claimed her.

‘Jessica?’

Lost in the swirling fog, Jessica could hear someone in the distance calling her name.

‘Jessica?’

She wasn’t ready to leave her peaceful slumber and cuddled further into the warmth surrounding her.

‘Can you open your eyes for me, sweetheart?’

Jessica frowned. ‘Go away.’

‘I will as soon as we get you back on your feet.’

‘What?’ In her fugue state she swore she could hear Rob whispering in her ear to bring her body back to life.

‘You fainted.’

Her eyes slowly fluttered open to find her dream date only a breath away. She didn’t know what she was doing in his arms but she kind of liked it. His hard chest was pressed tight against her, his large hands splayed across her back so she was cocooned in his spicy musk and muscles.

‘Can you stand on your own?’

Jessica blinked again and tried to focus. It soon became clear that their passionate embrace was more of a clumsy tango as Rob fought to keep her dropping to the floor like a sack of spuds.

‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened.’ She pushed against him to free herself from his hold and the embarrassing scene she’d created. The feel of his rounded biceps under her fingertips did nothing to help her equilibrium.

‘Let’s get you into a seat.’ He lessened his grip but stayed with her until he’d deposited her into a chair at the makeshift café.

‘I’m fine,’ she insisted even though her head was still spinning. She hated showing any weakness, especially if it meant relying on a man to rescue her. Until now she’d been standing on her own two feet for some considerable time.

‘I want you to put your head between your legs and take some deep breaths.’

She only complied since he was the doctor and she was apparently having difficulty staying conscious.

Rob rubbed her back as she inhaled. ‘Do you feel dizzy?’

‘A bit.’ Another big breath in and his hand rose and fell with her.

‘When was the last time you had something to eat? I know you missed breakfast and I doubt you’ve sat still long enough for a proper lunch break, have you?’

‘Um … I had a cup of coffee this morning and some headache tablets. I’ve been busy with other things …’

‘That explains it. You can’t survive on a diet of coffee and adrenaline, you know. I understand your need to direct all of your energy into your work but it’s important to stop and refuel every now and then.’

‘Yes, Doctor.’

‘You need something to raise your blood sugar and you definitely need to give yourself a break from these.’ He crouched down in front of her and cradled her foot in his hands as the Cinderella scene played out in reverse.

Thanks to his open top button, Jessica had a nice view down the front of Rob’s shirt. The smooth swarthy skin beneath contrasting against his crisp white shirt was not the usual skin tone of a fair-skinned native. Her feverish mind began to conjure up images of her handsome prince soaking up the rays in a lot less than a tailored shirt and formal black trousers.

She didn’t do romance but she imagined it probably looked a lot like a burly doctor on his knees gently removing a girl’s stilettos. He sat back on his haunches to face her again and reached up to brush the curls from her face. Her whole body tensed as if she was waiting for that one magical kiss that followed the princess’s rescue at the end of every fairy tale.

One of the stallholders interrupted the tender moment to hand Prince Charming a glass of water, her eyes darting between Jessica and Rob as she clearly jumped to conclusions.

He thanked her and proceeded to tangle his free hand in Jessica’s hair again.

‘What are you doing?’ She sprang back in her chair, now fully conscious and aware they weren’t alone in the busy thoroughfare. Goodness knew what people were making of this whole episode but it probably wasn’t anything which would improve her credibility here.

‘You have cream in your hair.’ Rob plucked at another strand to produce chocolatey proof that he wasn’t randomly stroking her hair.

‘Oh. Why?’ This day was getting better and better.

‘You squashed my buns,’ he said with a grin and nodded towards the spot where she’d made her dramatic entrance.

Now cordoned off with safety cones, the area resembled something of a crime scene as efficient cleaners swept away the aftermath of an apparent cake massacre. The broken remains of cupcakes and caramel squares lay in a pool of cream and sprinkles on the floor.

‘I can’t believe you sacrificed cake for me. The actions of a true hero.’ She clutched her hands to her chest in exaggerated appreciation, attempting to deflect attention away from the effect his touch had had on her. The hairs on her arms were still standing on end where he’d made physical contact. Obviously, in all the confusion her body had mistaken him for a potential mate. Her mind was having a harder time dealing with the idea when he represented everything that made her feel weak.

Sitting here, helpless and dependent on his instruction, took her back to a time when every decision about how she lived her life was taken out of her hands by doctors. Rationally, she knew it had all been in her best interests but she’d spent too long fighting for independence to relinquish it so easily now. Even to a doctor who could easily have made it as Mr June in the Hunks calendar currently hanging on her apartment wall.

‘What else is a man to do when a beautiful woman swoons at his feet?’ Rob moved to a standing position so Jessica was forced to strain her neck looking up at him. She ignored the tiny voice in her head squealing at the inadvertent compliment he’d paid her since the conversation between them had turned jovial.

Given their run-ins to date, Jessica doubted she was his type in any shape or form. Rob Campbell was destined to be part of a couple; her fate lay in a completely different direction. There was no point in even thinking there was any kind of entanglement on the cards. So she should really stop wondering if he had any hidden tan lines.

‘I hate to burst your bubble but, as you said, it was probably from lack of food rather than a reaction to your good looks.’ Jessica couldn’t believe she’d actually fainted. She supposed she was burning off more calories than usual with all this toing and froing. In future, she’d keep a few snacks to hand to fend off further embarrassment.

‘I can offer you some sweet tea and a cupcake for now but I’d advise you to eat a proper lunch as soon as you can.’ He left her and took his place in the queue to purchase her temporary cure.

He wanted the best for everyone he treated, her included. At least this mishap had softened his attitude towards her. Even if it had come at the price of her dignity. Rob was sympathetic, passionate, dedicated … everything a woman would want in a long-term partner. It was just as well Jessica didn’t want one or she would be in real danger of falling for him.

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