You. Step-by-step guide to self understanding, managing and developing

You

Step-by-step guide to self understanding, managing and developing

Slava Makovich

Proofreader Kristina Isaeva

Cover Designer Ilya Tikhomirov

© Slava Makovich, 2022

ISBN 978-5-0059-1037-0

Created with Ridero smart publishing system

INTRODUCTION

This book is the thing that I want to leave behind.

Below I’m going to share my helpful life principles, useful tools for self-management and specific instructions for specific situations. Everything that I would be glad to have myself when I was at the beginning of my journey, and everything that I want to convey to my children.

As short as possible, consistently practical and sometimes quite debatable.

Use, make notes, add your ideas. I hope that this book will bring you closer to noticing a piece of happiness in every day, to finding a teacher in every significant event, in creating meaning in every purposeful action and in revealing a new world in every person…

Wish you a pleasant and productive reading.

PART 1. PRINCIPLES

You are the creator of your past

Right now, you have a huge number of options for your future. Do they depend on your past? Of course! But they are not determined by it.

The most important thing is to understand exactly what kind of past you need to have in your future to have the kind of success you want. And then systematically create such a past.

In essence, what we are doing at any given moment is creating a pattern of our past consisting of experiences, memories, and physical changes.

Those segments of the past that improve us and reveal our inherent potential go to the asset, those that are not – fly away without a trace…

Keep track of what remains in the bottom line from each of the activities, especially those that seem extremely important at first glance.

You are not your point of view

A botanist, a hunter, a painter and a lumberjack see the forest in completely different ways.

The same situation through the eyes of different people is almost always different. Sometimes drastically. And at the same time, everyone can be right in their own way and not guess that their “truth” is not the only one.

Always try to look at a situation from different perspectives and never completely trust one point of view, even if it is yours.

Trust people, but don’t take anything as absolute, unshakable truth.

Everyone, even great minds, constantly has made, do make, and will make mistakes, which sometimes even seem as significant wisdoms. You as well can sometimes be wrong. That’s okay. Don’t conflate yourself with your point of view.

And don’t be afraid to move it with facts. But try to separate opinions from facts. Including opinions about facts from facts.

“Today is good weather” is an opinion (for different people, good weather can be different), “today, in my opinion, 60°” is an opinion about a fact, “today it’s 59°F” is a fact, “today it’s 59°F on the thermometer and it’s raining” – a more complete set of facts.

Gain experience to understand what set of facts you need for a satisfactory accurate understanding of the situation. Think about what your opinion is based on, and communicate more often with smart people, including those who do not share your views.

You are always at “0” point

Any event is neutral. We can’t judge any event exactly whether it’s good or bad. Because, firstly, we do not know what the desirable alternative event would have led to (for example, an athlete who lost in the semi-finals could be seriously injured in the final), and, secondly, we do not know what the current event will eventually lead to (for example, being fired can serve as an impetus for starting your successful business).

Certainly it is necessary to have certain preferences in advance, because having inspiring goals is good for productivity and happiness levels, but you don’t need to judge events after they have already happened. Kill your internal examiner of life. Dream, act, plan, predict, feel, but don’t be against what happens to you, as well as what happens in the world around you.

Practice the ability to separate your assessment of events and emotions. Remove the first, notice and use the second.

Practice the skill of separating your desires and expectations that they are bound to come true. Take away the second, heed and intelligently implement the first.

That’s it! Forget the past and the unfulfilled alternatives. That’s the current situation, that’s what you have to work with, that’s the current “0” (Zero) point.

Could it be better? It could be better, but it isn’t! This is your current “0” point. So, put the past experiences into your knowledge baggage and move toward your “1”.

Could it be worse? Naturally!!! Be thankful that it didn’t, and go back.

You are always in the current situation, even if your thoughts are in the past or have already fled forward. Come them back.

Stop the struggles of the past, draw conclusions and turn the page, moving on with your unique pattern of memories, skills and connections.

You receive a gift every day

Every day is a gift.

Every morning you get a new vessel that you can fill with something good, memorable and useful or faded and sad. It depends on your decisions and perception filter settings, because there are always reasons both to whine and rejoice.

To make it easier for you to make a positive cocktail, don’t lose your sense of gratitude to life for the shipment of vessels. It does, after all, in spite of the gigantic number of possibilities for stopping the supply, from a big solar flare to a small but very tenacious virus.

Every new day is a time to receive a gift that is far more valuable than any political slogans, religious beliefs, love frustrations or domestic problems. Every new day is an opportunity to use it in such a way to be able to remember it with joy or pride and to realize the opportunity to thank the world for having you in it. Each new day is the potential pleasure of being.

You are working for yourself

We may have formal bosses and teachers, but everyone is ultimately accountable to themselves for the only thing we really have (I mean, Life). And as we know, accountability, unlike tasks, can’t be delegated.

When working for yourself, there are four important roles in relation to yourself that need to be discerned, accepted, executed in a proper time, and improved. You are simultaneously the owner, manager, doer and observer of your life.

– High-quality performance of the role of a Doer allows you to efficiently (including not being distracted) perform the tasks intended by the Manager.

– High-quality performance of the role of a Manager allows you to take your head out off current affairs, consciously make the necessary adjustments and plan for future victory. You can manage, among other things, your states, actions, thoughts, thereby influencing the probabilities of future events.

– High-quality performance of the role of an Owner allows you to be not just efficient, but efficient in achieving really actual goals by understanding what you really want, setting priorities and limitations.

– High-quality performance of the role of an Observer allows you to “reboot”, change your perception and get a more adequate picture of the world. It is possible to fulfill this role, for example, through meditation, contemplation of beautiful natural phenomena, absorption of books, music, movies, performances…

Are you a good Owner, Manager, Doer and Observer? Are they in a good project?

Pay attention to each of the roles. Reserve time each day to be a Manager (at least to analyze the Doer’s work and plan the next day) and an Observer. At least “turn on” an Owner on a monthly basis.

The quality of performance of which of the roles is currently limiting your development? If the problem is as a Doer, then educate, change the motivation system or get the external supervision. If as a Leader – train, find a temporary external leader, or change projects. If as an Owner, then at least take more responsibility. If as an Observer – force yourself to make conscious pauses, to feel yourself in the current moment, and to observe without judging.

You are the main tool of your achievements

You can achieve everything, but not at the same time, and nothing significant without efforts.

There are circumstances, there are unpredictability, there are irreparable personal characteristics, but any question is ultimately worth directing to yourself: “Bad country? Why do you live in it?”, “Can’t get a job? Which experience should you have to have no chance not get hired?”…

Once you accept the responsibility, you can begin to implement it, while enjoying the process and development. To do it you can manage meanings, importance, goals, decisions, actions, thoughts, and emotions. Everything else is derivative.

Part 2. TOOLS

Meanings management

There are more than 150 billion stars in our Galaxy (the Milky Way), and over 100 billion galaxies in the visible part of the Universe.

Compared with such a scale, any of our achievements or problems are imperceptible, any people, even the greatest, are less significant for the world than some particularly passionate ant for humanity as a whole, and any meaning is important primarily from the point of view of the concrete human, experiencing it.

But the importance of having this meaning for each individual is HUGE. Finding or adding it allows you to live a conscious, happy and productive life, although it is not the only sufficient condition for its realization.

The easiest way is to apply efforts to those areas to which there is indifference and in which there is a competitive advantage. Engage in the implementation of what inspires and where there is an increased chance of great success. When that happens, the feeling of importance will not be left behind.

Here are some useful questions for honest conversation with yourself:

– What are you interested in? What are you willing to do even for free? What do you care about? If you could study anywhere and anything for the next year, what would it be?

– What are your outstanding abilities? What questions do you get asked most often? What do you do better or easier than others? What is your superpower?

– What are your ambitions? In which area would you like to be among the best? Which activities give you energy? What achievements are you proud of?

– What is important to you? What do you hate in the world around you and what do you really want to change in it? What are your goals outside of life? Let’s say you achieved the goal, what do you get out of that?

– Who are you? What do you believe in? What are you grateful for? What would you like to be thanked for?

Yes, the choice of what to do is not always possible, but we always have a choice of how to treat it. We can consciously add meaning to even the most potentially meaningless things, especially if we find therein a chance for creativity.

With pleasure and desire, do what you have to do, and treat everything as a game with meaning. Find value for the future and reasons to play, observe, look at different angles, improve the process – do anything, but do not allow a lack of meaning. You have only one life, and you have the power to live it with a sense of meaning.

Importance Management

First you control the importance, then the importance controls you.

Each of us have the mental remote control of our perceived importance, you can use it to increase or decrease the perceived importance of what happened in the past, can happen in the future and is happening right.

How does it work?

– If you feel that you have a lack of motivation for something really important, raise the toggle switch on the remote control and find confirmation of this importance.

– If you are overwhelmed by some of the disturbing feelings. Inhale calmly, hold the air and exhale gently in front of you with relief, remember the number of stars in the universe, mentally return to where you are now, and slowly lower the toggle switch. You will succeed if you go in the right direction, you have everything you need for this. The same should be done with anxiety, worries and insecurities.

Why it is important?

An excessive or insufficient sense of importance greatly hinders the achievement of goals and beats our emotional state. For example, if you feel that some goal is painfully important to you, reduce this importance, as this will interfere with its achievement. In addition to the mental remote, you can use the development of alternative acceptable scenarios and shifting the point of view of the situation.

Check back 2—4 times a day your current level of perceived importance on the issues that concern you and move the toggle switch to the optimum position.

Goals Management

You are the main tool for setting and achieving your goals.

The idea of the future, formulated in the form of a goal (“image of the result”), is a means of achieving meaning in the present. Big goals give energy, followers and observers. And, what is most interesting, they require approximately the same efforts as the achievement of less ambitious goals. Don’t be afraid to raise the bar. Life is one, do not exchange it for uninteresting trifles.

Task selection is also a task. Important task. The ability to abandon the less significant tasks, focus on the priority ones and perform them well is the basis of any achievement. Moreover, the meaning of setting priorities is not only in achieving certain goals, but also in optimizing your efforts. You cannot be the world’s best boxer, philosopher, builder and pianist at the same time. The rejection of one makes the other possible.

1) Make a list of things without which you will not be able to consider your life as a successful one. Without growing up a child? Without visiting 50 countries? Without publishing your book? Without launching your successful business?…

Keep this in mind when making decisions about your life – the most valuable and the only thing that you really have.

2) Double-check each item: “Let’s say you have reached it, what will get out of that?”. A good final option is the one when you can no longer explain: “You just want and it just ignites your inner fire.”

3) Leave 3—5 most important points that evoke an inner feeling of success and resonate with the questions: “Who, if not me?”, “When, if not now?”. Don’t try to save all the possibilities. Almost everything is possible, but not all at once. Choose areas that are worthy of your time and efforts.

4) Do not look for too fast routes, the achievement needs to mature and it may take a certain time.

5) Take a couple of steps towards your goal in order to double-check its correctness by looking at the feedback from yourself and from life.

And then translate your goals into “focus zones” with targets, metrics, and daily habits. Dream about the result, but focus on creating “the conditions of inevitability of its achievement”.

For example, what metrics can be taken for the “weight” concentration zone?

– Current weight? Yes, for the appearance of the so-called “observer effect” and for additional motivation from approaching the image of the result, but not as metrics, since the weight will change due to different factors.

– Going to the gym? No, because you can cheat, and the gym is just one of the possible means to work out.

– A certain amount of certain exercises combined with a certain number of calories eaten? Yes! You need to focus not on a specific figure on the scales (this is an inspiring image of the result), but on providing a certain amount of full-fledged training, and then gradually convert this metric into a habit with protection of the allocated time and respect to your decisions.

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