Beyond

So many memories, nearly all happy! Surely, the most adroit work of the jeweller who put the human soul together was his provision of its power to forget the dark and remember sunshine. The year and a half of her life with Fiorsen, the empty months that followed it were gone, dispersed like mist by the radiance of the last three years in whose sky had hung just one cloud, no bigger than a hand, of doubt whether Summerhay really loved her as much as she loved him, whether from her company he got as much as the all she got from his. She would not have been her distrustful self if she could have settled down in complacent security; and her mind was ever at stretch on that point, comparing past days and nights with the days and nights of the present. Her prevision that, when she loved, it would be desperately, had been fulfilled. He had become her life. When this befalls one whose besetting strength and weakness alike is pride – no wonder that she doubts.

For their Odyssey they had gone to Spain – that brown un-European land of “lyrio” flowers, and cries of “Agua!” in the streets, where the men seem cleft to the waist when they are astride of horses, under their wide black hats, and the black-clothed women with wonderful eyes still look as if they missed their Eastern veils. It had been a month of gaiety and glamour, last days of September and early days of October, a revel of enchanted wanderings in the streets of Seville, of embraces and laughter, of strange scents and stranger sounds, of orange light and velvety shadows, and all the warmth and deep gravity of Spain. The Alcazar, the cigarette-girls, the Gipsy dancers of Triana, the old brown ruins to which they rode, the streets, and the square with its grave talkers sitting on benches in the sun, the water-sellers and the melons; the mules, and the dark ragged man out of a dream, picking up the ends of cigarettes, the wine of Malaga, burnt fire and honey! Seville had bewitched them – they got no further. They had come back across the brown uplands of Castile to Madrid and Goya and Velasquez, till it was time for Paris, before the law-term began. There, in a queer little French hotel – all bedrooms, and a lift, coffee and carved beds, wood fires, and a chambermaid who seemed all France, and down below a restaurant, to which such as knew about eating came, with waiters who looked like monks, both fat and lean – they had spent a week. Three special memories of that week started up in the moonlight before Gyp’s eyes: The long drive in the Bois among the falling leaves of trees flashing with colour in the crisp air under a brilliant sky. A moment in the Louvre before the Leonardo “Bacchus,” when – his “restored” pink skin forgotten – all the world seemed to drop away while she listened, with the listening figure before her, to some mysterious music of growing flowers and secret life. And that last most disconcerting memory, of the night before they returned. They were having supper after the theatre in their restaurant, when, in a mirror she saw three people come in and take seats at a table a little way behind – Fiorsen, Rosek, and Daphne Wing! How she managed to show no sign she never knew! While they were ordering, she was safe, for Rosek was a gourmet, and the girl would certainly be hungry; but after that, she knew that nothing could save her being seen – Rosek would mark down every woman in the room! Should she pretend to feel faint and slip out into the hotel? Or let Bryan know? Or sit there laughing and talking, eating and drinking, as if nothing were behind her?

Her own face in the mirror had a flush, and her eyes were bright. When they saw her, they would see that she was happy, safe in her love. Her foot sought Summerhay’s beneath the table. How splendid and brown and fit he looked, compared with those two pale, towny creatures! And he was gazing at her as though just discovering her beauty. How could she ever – that man with his little beard and his white face and those eyes – how could she ever! Ugh! And then, in the mirror, she saw Rosek’s dark-circled eyes fasten on her and betray their recognition by a sudden gleam, saw his lips compressed, and a faint red come up in his cheeks. What would he do? The girl’s back was turned – her perfect back – and she was eating. And Fiorsen was staring straight before him in that moody way she knew so well. All depended on that deadly little man, who had once kissed her throat. A sick feeling seized on Gyp. If her lover knew that within five yards of him were those two men! But she still smiled and talked, and touched his foot. Rosek had seen that she was conscious – was getting from it a kind of satisfaction. She saw him lean over and whisper to the girl, and Daphne Wing turning to look, and her mouth opening for a smothered “Oh!” Gyp saw her give an uneasy glance at Fiorsen, and then begin again to eat. Surely she would want to get away before he saw. Yes; very soon she rose. What little airs of the world she had now – quite mistress of the situation! The wrap must be placed exactly on her shoulders; and how she walked, giving just one startled look back from the door. Gone! The ordeal over! And Gyp said:

“Let’s go up, darling.”

She felt as if they had both escaped a deadly peril – not from anything those two could do to him or her, but from the cruel ache and jealousy of the past, which the sight of that man would have brought him.

Women, for their age, are surely older than men – married women, at all events, than men who have not had that experience. And all through those first weeks of their life together, there was a kind of wise watchfulness in Gyp. He was only a boy in knowledge of life as she saw it, and though his character was so much more decided, active, and insistent than her own, she felt it lay with her to shape the course and avoid the shallows and sunken rocks. The house they had seen together near the river, under the Berkshire downs, was still empty; and while it was being got ready, they lived at a London hotel. She had insisted that he should tell no one of their life together. If that must come, she wanted to be firmly settled in, with little Gyp and Betty and the horses, so that it should all be for him as much like respectable married life as possible. But, one day, in the first week after their return, while in her room, just back from a long day’s shopping, a card was brought up to her: “Lady Summerhay.” Her first impulse was to be “not at home”; her second, “I’d better face it. Bryan would wish me to see her!” When the page-boy was gone, she turned to the mirror and looked at herself doubtfully. She seemed to know exactly what that tall woman whom she had seen on the platform would think of her – too soft, not capable, not right for him! – not even if she were legally his wife. And touching her hair, laying a dab of scent on her eyebrows, she turned and went downstairs fluttering, but outwardly calm enough.

In the little low-roofed inner lounge of that old hotel, whose rooms were all “entirely renovated,” Gyp saw her visitor standing at a table, rapidly turning the pages of an illustrated magazine, as people will when their minds are set upon a coming operation. And she thought: ‘I believe she’s more frightened than I am!’

Lady Summerhay held out a gloved hand.

“How do you do?” she said. “I hope you’ll forgive my coming.”

Gyp took the hand.

“Thank you. It was very good of you. I’m sorry Bryan isn’t in yet. Will you have some tea?”

“I’ve had tea; but do let’s sit down. How do you find the hotel?”

“Very nice.”

On a velvet lounge that had survived the renovation, they sat side by side, screwed round toward each other.

“Bryan’s told me what a pleasant time you had abroad. He’s looking very well, I think. I’m devoted to him, you know.”

Gyp answered softly:

“Yes, you must be.” And her heart felt suddenly as hard as flint.

Lady Summerhay gave her a quick look.

“I – I hope you won’t mind my being frank – I’ve been so worried. It’s an unhappy position, isn’t it?” Gyp did not answer, and she hurried on. “If there’s anything I can do to help, I should be so glad – it must be horrid for you.”

Gyp said very quietly:

“Oh! no. I’m perfectly happy – couldn’t be happier.” And she thought: ‘I suppose she doesn’t believe that.’

Lady Summerhay was looking at her fixedly.

“One doesn’t realize these things at first – neither of you will, till you see how dreadfully Society can cold-shoulder.”

Gyp made an effort to control a smile.

“One can only be cold-shouldered if one puts oneself in the way of it. I should never wish to see or speak to anyone who couldn’t take me just for what I am. And I don’t really see what difference it will make to Bryan; most men of his age have someone, somewhere.” She felt malicious pleasure watching her visitor jib and frown at the cynicism of that soft speech; a kind of hatred had come on her of this society woman, who – disguise it as she would – was at heart her enemy, who regarded her, must regard her, as an enslaver, as a despoiler of her son’s worldly chances, a Delilah dragging him down. She said still more quietly: “He need tell no one of my existence; and you can be quite sure that if ever he feels he’s had enough of me, he’ll never be troubled by the sight of me again.”

And she got up. Lady Summerhay also rose.

“I hope you don’t think – I really am only too anxious to – ”

“I think it’s better to be quite frank. You will never like me, or forgive me for ensnaring Bryan. And so it had better be, please, as it would be if I were just his common mistress. That will be perfectly all right for both of us. It was very good of you to come, though. Thank you – and good-bye.”

Lady Summerhay literally faltered with speech and hand.

With a malicious smile, Gyp watched her retirement among the little tables and elaborately modern chairs till her tall figure had disappeared behind a column. Then she sat down again on the lounge, pressing her hands to her burning ears. She had never till then known the strength of the pride-demon within her; at the moment, it was almost stronger than her love. She was still sitting there, when the page-boy brought her another card – her father’s. She sprang up saying:

“Yes, here, please.”

Winton came in all brisk and elated at sight of her after this long absence; and, throwing her arms round his neck, she hugged him tight. He was doubly precious to her after the encounter she had just gone though. When he had given her news of Mildenham and little Gyp, he looked at her steadily, and said:

“The coast’ll be clear for you both down there, and at Bury Street, whenever you like to come, Gyp. I shall regard this as your real marriage. I shall have the servants in and make that plain.”

A row like family prayers – and Dad standing up very straight, saying in his dry way: “You will be so good in future as to remember – ” “I shall be obliged if you will,” and so on; Betty’s round face pouting at being brought in with all the others; Markey’s soft, inscrutable; Mrs. Markey’s demure and goggling; the maids’ rabbit-faces; old Pettance’s carved grin the film lifting from his little burning eyes: “Ha! Mr. Bryn Summer’ay; he bought her orse, and so she’s gone to ‘im!” And she said:

“Darling, I don’t know! It’s awfully sweet of you. We’ll see later.”

Winton patted her hand. “We must stand up to ‘em, you know, Gyp. You mustn’t get your tail down.”

Gyp laughed.

“No, Dad; never!”

That same night, across the strip of blackness between their beds, she said:

“Bryan, promise me something!”

“It depends. I know you too well.”

“No; it’s quite reasonable, and possible. Promise!”

“All right; if it is.”

“I want you to let me take the lease of the Red House – let it be mine, the whole thing – let me pay for everything there.”

“Reasonable! What’s the point?”

“Only that I shall have a proper home of my own. I can’t explain, but your mother’s coming to-day made me feel I must.”

“My child, how could I possibly live on YOU there? It’s absurd!”

“You can pay for everything else; London – travelling – clothes, if you like. We can make it square up. It’s not a question of money, of course. I only want to feel that if, at any moment, you don’t need me any more, you can simply stop coming.”

“I think that’s brutal, Gyp.”

“No, no; so many women lose men’s love because they seem to claim things of them. I don’t want to lose yours that way – that’s all.”

“That’s silly, darling!”

“It’s not. Men – and women, too – always tug at chains. And when there is no chain – ”

“Well then; let me take the house, and you can go away when you’re tired of me.” His voice sounded smothered, resentful; she could hear him turning and turning, as if angry with his pillows. And she murmured:

“No; I can’t explain. But I really mean it.”

“We’re just beginning life together, and you talk as if you want to split it up. It hurts, Gyp, and that’s all about it.”

She said gently:

“Don’t be angry, dear.”

“Well! Why don’t you trust me more?”

“I do. Only I must make as sure as I can.”

The sound came again of his turning and turning.

“I can’t!”

Gyp said slowly:

“Oh! Very well!”

A dead silence followed, both lying quiet in the darkness, trying to get the better of each other by sheer listening. An hour perhaps passed before he sighed, and, feeling his lips on hers, she knew that she had won.

III

There, in the study, the moonlight had reached her face; an owl was hooting not far away, and still more memories came – the happiest of all, perhaps – of first days in this old house together.

Summerhay damaged himself out hunting that first winter. The memory of nursing him was strangely pleasant, now that it was two years old. For convalescence they had gone to the Pyrenees – Argeles in March, all almond-blossom and snows against the blue – a wonderful fortnight. In London on the way back they had their first awkward encounter. Coming out of a theatre one evening, Gyp heard a woman’s voice, close behind, say: “Why, it’s Bryan! What ages!” And his answer defensively drawled out:

“Halo! How are you, Diana?”

“Oh, awfully fit. Where are you, nowadays? Why don’t you come and see us?”

Again the drawl:

“Down in the country. I will, some time. Good-bye.”

A tall woman or girl – red-haired, with one of those wonderful white skins that go therewith; and brown – yes, brown eyes; Gyp could see those eyes sweeping her up and down with a sort of burning-live curiosity. Bryan’s hand was thrust under her arm at once.

“Come on, let’s walk and get a cab.”

As soon as they were clear of the crowd, she pressed his hand to her breast, and said:

“Did you mind?”

“Mind? Of course not. It’s for you to mind.”

“Who was it?”

“A second cousin. Diana Leyton.”

“Do you know her very well?”

“Oh yes – used to.”

“And do you like her very much?”

“Rather!”

He looked round into her face, with laughter bubbling up behind his gravity. Ah, but could one tease on such a subject as their love? And to this day the figure of that tall girl with the burning-white skin, the burning-brown eyes, the burning-red hair was not quite a pleasant memory to Gyp. After that night, they gave up all attempt to hide their union, going to whatever they wished, whether they were likely to meet people or not. Gyp found that nothing was so easily ignored as Society when the heart was set on other things. Besides, they were seldom in London, and in the country did not wish to know anyone, in any case. But she never lost the feeling that what was ideal for her might not be ideal for him. He ought to go into the world, ought to meet people. It would not do for him to be cut off from social pleasures and duties, and then some day feel that he owed his starvation to her. To go up to London, too, every day was tiring, and she persuaded him to take a set of residential chambers in the Temple, and sleep there three nights a week. In spite of all his entreaties, she herself never went to those chambers, staying always at Bury Street when she came up. A kind of superstition prevented her; she would not risk making him feel that she was hanging round his neck. Besides, she wanted to keep herself desirable – so little a matter of course that he would hanker after her when he was away. And she never asked him where he went or whom he saw. But, sometimes, she wondered whether he could still be quite faithful to her in thought, love her as he used to; and joy would go down behind a heavy bank of clouds, till, at his return, the sun came out again. Love such as hers – passionate, adoring, protective, longing to sacrifice itself, to give all that it had to him, yet secretly demanding all his love in return – for how could a proud woman love one who did not love her? – such love as this is always longing for a union more complete than it is likely to get in a world where all things move and change. But against the grip of this love she never dreamed of fighting now. From the moment when she knew she must cling to him rather than to her baby, she had made no reservations; all her eggs were in one basket, as her father’s had been before her – all!

The moonlight was shining full on the old bureau and a vase of tulips standing there, giving those flowers colour that was not colour, and an unnamed look, as if they came from a world which no human enters. It glinted on a bronze bust of old Voltaire, which she had bought him for a Christmas present, so that the great writer seemed to be smiling from the hollows of his eyes. Gyp turned the bust a little, to catch the light on its far cheek; a letter was disclosed between it and the oak. She drew it out thinking: ‘Bless him! He uses everything for paper-weights’; and, in the strange light, its first words caught her eyes:

“DEAR BRYAN,

“But I say – you ARE wasting yourself – ”

She laid it down, methodically pushing it back under the bust. Perhaps he had put it there on purpose! She got up and went to the window, to check the temptation to read the rest of that letter and see from whom it was. No! She did not admit that she was tempted. One did not read letters. Then the full import of those few words struck into her: “Dear Bryan. But I say – you ARE wasting yourself.” A letter in a chain of correspondence, then! A woman’s hand; but not his mother’s, nor his sisters’ – she knew their writings. Who had dared to say he was wasting himself? A letter in a chain of letters! An intimate correspondent, whose name she did not know, because – he had not told her! Wasting himself – on what? – on his life with her down here? And was he? Had she herself not said that very night that he had lost his laugh? She began searching her memory. Yes, last Christmas vacation – that clear, cold, wonderful fortnight in Florence, he had been full of fun. It was May now. Was there no memory since – of his old infectious gaiety? She could not think of any. “But I say – you ARE wasting yourself.” A sudden hatred flared up in her against the unknown woman who had said that thing – and fever, running through her veins, made her ears burn. She longed to snatch forth and tear to pieces the letter, with its guardianship of which that bust seemed mocking her; and she turned away with the thought: ‘I’ll go and meet him; I can’t wait here.’

Throwing on a cloak she walked out into the moonlit garden, and went slowly down the whitened road toward the station. A magical, dewless night! The moonbeams had stolen in to the beech clump, frosting the boles and boughs, casting a fine ghostly grey over the shadow-patterned beech-mast. Gyp took the short cut through it. Not a leaf moved in there, no living thing stirred; so might an earth be where only trees inhabited! She thought: ‘I’ll bring him back through here.’ And she waited at the far corner of the clump, where he must pass, some little distance from the station. She never gave people unnecessary food for gossip – any slighting of her irritated him, she was careful to spare him that. The train came in; a car went whizzing by, a cyclist, then the first foot-passenger, at a great pace, breaking into a run. She saw that it was he, and, calling out his name, ran back into the shadow of the trees. He stopped dead in his tracks, then came rushing after her. That pursuit did not last long, and, in his arms, Gyp said:

“If you aren’t too hungry, darling, let’s stay here a little – it’s so wonderful!”

They sat down on a great root, and leaning against him, looking up at the dark branches, she said:

“Have you had a hard day?”

“Yes; got hung up by a late consultation; and old Leyton asked me to come and dine.”

Gyp felt a sensation as when feet happen on ground that gives a little.

“The Leytons – that’s Eaton Square, isn’t it? A big dinner?”

“No. Only the old people, and Bertie and Diana.”

“Diana? That’s the girl we met coming out of the theatre, isn’t it?”

“When? Oh – ah – what a memory, Gyp!”

“Yes; it’s good for things that interest me.”

“Why? Did she interest you?”

Gyp turned and looked into his face.

“Yes. Is she clever?”

“H’m! I suppose you might call her so.”

“And in love with you?”

“Great Scott! Why?”

“Is it very unlikely? I am.”

He began kissing her lips and hair. And, closing her eyes, Gyp thought: ‘If only that’s not because he doesn’t want to answer!’ Then, for some minutes, they were silent as the moonlit beech clump.

“Answer me truly, Bryan. Do you never – never – feel as if you were wasting yourself on me?”

She was certain of a quiver in his grasp; but his face was open and serene, his voice as usual when he was teasing.

“Well, hardly ever! Aren’t you funny, dear?”

“Promise me faithfully to let me know when you’ve had enough of me. Promise!”

“All right! But don’t look for fulfilment in this life.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“I am.”

Gyp put up her lips, and tried to drown for ever in a kiss the memory of those words: “But I say – you ARE wasting yourself.”

IV

Summerhay, coming down next morning, went straight to his bureau; his mind was not at ease. “Wasting yourself!” What had he done with that letter of Diana’s? He remembered Gyp’s coming in just as he finished reading it. Searching the pigeonholes and drawers, moving everything that lay about, he twitched the bust – and the letter lay disclosed. He took it up with a sigh of relief:

“DEAR BRYAN,

“But I say – you ARE wasting yourself. Why, my dear, of course! ‘Il faut se faire valoir!’ You have only one foot to put forward; the other is planted in I don’t know what mysterious hole. One foot in the grave – at thirty! Really, Bryan! Pull it out. There’s such a lot waiting for you. It’s no good your being hoity-toity, and telling me to mind my business. I’m speaking for everyone who knows you. We all feel the blight on the rose. Besides, you always were my favourite cousin, ever since I was five and you a horrid little bully of ten; and I simply hate to think of you going slowly down instead of quickly up. Oh! I know ‘D – n the world!’ But – are you? I should have thought it was ‘d – ning’ you! Enough! When are you coming to see us? I’ve read that book. The man seems to think love is nothing but passion, and passion always fatal. I wonder! Perhaps you know.

“Don’t be angry with me for being such a grandmother.

“Au revoir.

“Your very good cousin,“DIANA LEYTON.”

He crammed the letter into his pocket, and sat there, appalled. It must have lain two days under that bust! Had Gyp seen it? He looked at the bronze face; and the philosopher looked back from the hollows of his eyes, as if to say: “What do you know of the human heart, my boy – your own, your mistress’s, that girl’s, or anyone’s? A pretty dance the heart will lead you yet! Put it in a packet, tie it round with string, seal it up, drop it in a drawer, lock the drawer! And to-morrow it will be out and skipping on its wrappings. Ho! Ho!” And Summerhay thought: ‘You old goat. You never had one!’ In the room above, Gyp would still be standing as he had left her, putting the last touch to her hair – a man would be a scoundrel who, even in thought, could – “Hallo!” the eyes of the bust seemed to say. “Pity! That’s queer, isn’t it? Why not pity that red-haired girl, with the skin so white that it burns you, and the eyes so brown that they burn you – don’t they?” Old Satan! Gyp had his heart; no one in the world would ever take it from her!

And in the chair where she had sat last night conjuring up memories, he too now conjured. How he had loved her, did love her! She would always be what she was and had been to him. And the sage’s mouth seemed to twist before him with the words: “Quite so, my dear! But the heart’s very funny – very – capacious!” A tiny sound made him turn.