The Freelands

And Nedda thought: ‘How much more of a lady she looks than anybody here! There’s something deep in her to rest on that isn’t in the Bigwigs; perhaps it’s because she’s of a different generation.’ And, getting up, she went over and sat down beside her on a little chair.

Frances Freeland rose at once and said:

“Now, my darling, you can’t be comfortable in that tiny chair. You must take mine.”

“Oh, no, Granny; please!”

“Oh, yes; but you must! It’s so comfortable, and I’ve simply been longing to sit in the chair you’re in. Now, darling, to please me!”

Seeing that a prolonged struggle would follow if she did not get up, Nedda rose and changed chairs.

“Do you like these week-ends, Granny?”

Frances Freeland seemed to draw her smile more resolutely across her face. With her perfect articulation, in which there was, however, no trace of bigwiggery, she answered:

“I think they’re most interesting, darling. It’s so nice to see new people. Of course you don’t get to know them, but it’s very amusing to watch, especially the head-dresses!” And sinking her voice: “Just look at that one with the feather going straight up; did you ever see such a guy?” and she cackled with a very gentle archness. Gazing at that almost priceless feather, trying to reach God, Nedda felt suddenly how completely she was in her grandmother’s little camp; how entirely she disliked bigwiggery.

Frances Freeland’s voice brought her round.

“Do you know, darling, I’ve found the most splendid thing for eyebrows? You just put a little on every night and it keeps them in perfect order. I must give you my little pot.”

“I don’t like grease, Granny.”

“Oh! but this isn’t grease, darling. It’s a special thing; and you only put on just the tiniest touch.”

Diving suddenly into the recesses of something, she produced an exiguous round silver box. Prizing it open, she looked over her shoulder at the Bigwigs, then placed her little finger on the contents of the little box, and said very softly:

“You just take the merest touch, and you put it on like that, and it keeps them together beautifully. Let me! Nobody’ll see!”

Quite well understanding that this was all part of her grandmother’s passion for putting the best face upon things, and having no belief in her eyebrows, Nedda bent forward; but in a sudden flutter of fear lest the Bigwigs might observe the operation, she drew back, murmuring: “Oh, Granny, darling! Not just now!”

At that moment the men came in, and, under cover of the necessary confusion, she slipped away into the window.

It was pitch-black outside, with the moon not yet up. The bloomy, peaceful dark out there! Wistaria and early roses, clustering in, had but the ghost of color on their blossoms. Nedda took a rose in her fingers, feeling with delight its soft fragility, its coolness against her hot palm. Here in her hand was a living thing, here was a little soul! And out there in the darkness were millions upon millions of other little souls, of little flame-like or coiled-up shapes alive and true.

A voice behind her said:

“Nothing nicer than darkness, is there?”

She knew at once it was the one who was going to bite; the voice was proper for him, having a nice, smothery sound. And looking round gratefully, she said:

“Do you like dinner-parties?”

It was jolly to watch his eyes twinkle and his thin cheeks puff out. He shook his head and muttered through that straggly moustache:

“You’re a niece, aren’t you? I know your father. He’s a big man.”

Hearing those words spoken of her father, Nedda flushed.

“Yes, he is,” she said fervently.

Her new acquaintance went on:

“He’s got the gift of truth – can laugh at himself as well as others; that’s what makes him precious. These humming-birds here to-night couldn’t raise a smile at their own tomfoolery to save their silly souls.”

He spoke still in that voice of smothery wrath, and Nedda thought: ‘He IS nice!’

“They’ve been talking about ‘the Land’” – he raised his hands and ran them through his palish hair – “‘the Land!’ Heavenly Father! ‘The Land!’ Why! Look at that fellow!”

Nedda looked and saw a man, like Richard Coeur de Lion in the history books, with a straw-colored moustache just going gray.

“Sir Gerald Malloring – hope he’s not a friend of yours! Divine right of landowners to lead ‘the Land’ by the nose! And our friend Britto!”

Nedda, following his eyes, saw a robust, quick-eyed man with a suave insolence in his dark, clean-shaved face.

“Because at heart he’s just a supercilious ruffian, too cold-blooded to feel, he’ll demonstrate that it’s no use to feel – waste of valuable time – ha! valuable! – to act in any direction. And that’s a man they believe things of. And poor Henry Wiltram, with his pathetic: ‘Grow our own food – maximum use of the land as food-producer, and let the rest take care of itself!’ As if we weren’t all long past that feeble individualism; as if in these days of world markets the land didn’t stand or fall in this country as a breeding-ground of health and stamina and nothing else. Well, well!”

“Aren’t they really in earnest, then?” asked Nedda timidly.

“Miss Freeland, this land question is a perfect tragedy. Bar one or two, they all want to make the omelette without breaking eggs; well, by the time they begin to think of breaking them, mark me – there’ll be no eggs to break. We shall be all park and suburb. The real men on the land, what few are left, are dumb and helpless; and these fellows here for one reason or another don’t mean business – they’ll talk and tinker and top-dress – that’s all. Does your father take any interest in this? He could write something very nice.”

“He takes interest in everything,” said Nedda. “Please go on, Mr. – Mr. – ” She was terribly afraid he would suddenly remember that she was too young and stop his nice, angry talk.

“Cuthcott. I’m an editor, but I was brought up on a farm, and know something about it. You see, we English are grumblers, snobs to the backbone, want to be something better than we are; and education nowadays is all in the direction of despising what is quiet and humdrum. We never were a stay-at-home lot, like the French. That’s at the back of this business – they may treat it as they like, Radicals or Tories, but if they can’t get a fundamental change of opinion into the national mind as to what is a sane and profitable life; if they can’t work a revolution in the spirit of our education, they’ll do no good. There’ll be lots of talk and tinkering, tariffs and tommy-rot, and, underneath, the land-bred men dying, dying all the time. No, madam, industrialism and vested interests have got us! Bar the most strenuous national heroism, there’s nothing for it now but the garden city!”

“Then if we WERE all heroic, ‘the Land’ could still be saved?”

Mr. Cuthcott smiled.

“Of course we might have a European war or something that would shake everything up. But, short of that, when was a country ever consciously and homogeneously heroic – except China with its opium? When did it ever deliberately change the spirit of its education, the trend of its ideas; when did it ever, of its own free will, lay its vested interests on the altar; when did it ever say with a convinced and resolute heart: ‘I will be healthy and simple before anything. I will not let the love of sanity and natural conditions die out of me!’ When, Miss Freeland, when?”

And, looking so hard at Nedda that he almost winked, he added:

“You have the advantage of me by thirty years. You’ll see what I shall not – the last of the English peasant. Did you ever read ‘Erewhon,’ where the people broke up their machines? It will take almost that sort of national heroism to save what’s left of him, even.”

For answer, Nedda wrinkled her brows horribly. Before her there had come a vision of the old, lame man, whose name she had found out was Gaunt, standing on the path under the apple-trees, looking at that little something he had taken from his pocket. Why she thought of him thus suddenly she had no idea, and she said quickly:

“It’s awfully interesting. I do so want to hear about ‘the Land.’ I only know a little about sweated workers, because I see something of them.”

“It’s all of a piece,” said Mr. Cuthcott; “not politics at all, but religion – touches the point of national self-knowledge and faith, the point of knowing what we want to become and of resolving to become it. Your father will tell you that we have no more idea of that at present than a cat of its own chemical composition. As for these good people here to-night – I don’t want to be disrespectful, but if they think they’re within a hundred miles of the land question, I’m a – I’m a Jingo – more I can’t say.”

And, as if to cool his head, he leaned out of the window.

“Nothing is nicer than darkness, as I said just now, because you can only see the way you MUST go instead of a hundred and fifty ways you MIGHT. In darkness your soul is something like your own; in daylight, lamplight, moonlight, never.”

Nedda’s spirit gave a jump; he seemed almost at last to be going to talk about the things she wanted, above all, to find out. Her cheeks went hot, she clenched her hands and said resolutely:

“Mr. Cuthcott, do you believe in God?”

Mr. Cuthcott made a queer, deep little noise; it was not a laugh, however, and it seemed as if he knew she could not bear him to look at her just then.

“H’m!” he said. “Every one does that – according to their natures. Some call God IT, some HIM, some HER, nowadays – that’s all. You might as well ask – do I believe that I’m alive?”

“Yes,” said Nedda, “but which do YOU call God?”

As she asked that, he gave a wriggle, and it flashed through her: ‘He must think me an awful enfant terrible!’ His face peered round at her, queer and pale and puffy, with nice, straight eyes; and she added hastily:

“It isn’t a fair question, is it? Only you talked about darkness, and the only way – so I thought – ”

“Quite a fair question. My answer is, of course: ‘All three’; but the point is rather: Does one wish to make even an attempt to define God to oneself? Frankly, I don’t! I’m content to feel that there is in one some kind of instinct toward perfection that one will still feel, I hope, when the lights are going out; some kind of honour forbidding one to let go and give up. That’s all I’ve got; I really don’t know that I want more.”

Nedda clasped her hands.

“I like that,” she said; “only – what is perfection, Mr. Cuthcott?”

Again he emitted that deep little sound.

“Ah!” he repeated, “what is perfection? Awkward, that – isn’t it?”

“Is it” – Nedda rushed the words out – “is it always to be sacrificing yourself, or is it – is it always to be – to be expressing yourself?”

“To some – one; to some – the other; to some – half one, half the other.”

“But which is it to me?”

“Ah! that you’ve got to find out for yourself. There’s a sort of metronome inside us – wonderful, sell-adjusting little machine; most delicate bit of mechanism in the world – people call it conscience – that records the proper beat of our tempos. I guess that’s all we have to go by.”

Nedda said breathlessly:

“Yes; and it’s frightfully hard, isn’t it?”

“Exactly,” Mr. Cuthcott answered. “That’s why people devised religions and other ways of having the thing done second-hand. We all object to trouble and responsibility if we can possibly avoid it. Where do you live?”

“In Hampstead.”

“Your father must be a stand-by, isn’t he?”

“Oh, yes; Dad’s splendid; only, you see, I AM a good deal younger than he. There was just one thing I was going to ask you. Are these very Bigwigs?”

Mr. Cuthcott turned to the room and let his screwed-up glance wander. He looked just then particularly as if he were going to bite.

“If you take ‘em at their own valuation: Yes. If at the country’s: So-so. If at mine: Ha! I know what you’d like to ask: Should I be a Bigwig in THEIR estimation? Not I! As you knock about, Miss Freeland, you’ll find out one thing – all bigwiggery is founded on: Scratch my back, and I’ll scratch yours. Seriously, these are only tenpenny ones; but the mischief is, that in the matter of ‘the Land,’ the men who really are in earnest are precious scarce. Nothing short of a rising such as there was in 1832 would make the land question real, even for the moment. Not that I want to see one – God forbid! Those poor doomed devils were treated worse than dogs, and would be again.”

Before Nedda could pour out questions about the rising in 1832, Stanley’s voice said:

“Cuthcott, I want to introduce you!”

Her new friend screwed his eyes up tighter and, muttering something, put out his hand to her.

“Thank you for our talk. I hope we shall meet again. Any time you want to know anything – I’ll be only too glad. Good night!”

She felt the squeeze of his hand, warm and dry, but rather soft, as of a man who uses a pen too much; saw him following her uncle across the room, with his shoulders a little hunched, as if preparing to inflict, and ward off, blows. And with the thought: ‘He must be jolly when he gives them one!’ she turned once more to the darkness, than which he had said there was nothing nicer. It smelled of new-mown grass, was full of little shiverings of leaves, and all colored like the bloom of a black grape. And her heart felt soothed.

CHAPTER IX

“…When I first saw Derek I thought I should never feel anything but shy and hopeless. In four days, only in four days, the whole world is different… And yet, if it hadn’t been for that thunder-storm, I shouldn’t have got over being shy in time. He has never loved anybody – nor have I. It can’t often be like that – it makes it solemn. There’s a picture somewhere – not a good one, I know – of a young Highlander being taken away by soldiers from his sweetheart. Derek is fiery and wild and shy and proud and dark – like the man in that picture. That last day along the hills – along and along – with the wind in our faces, I could have walked forever; and then Joyfields at the end! Their mother’s wonderful; I’m afraid of her. But Uncle Tod is a perfect dear. I never saw any one before who noticed so many things that I didn’t, and nothing that I did. I am sure he has in him what Mr. Cuthcott said we were all losing – the love of simple, natural conditions. And then, THE moment, when I stood with Derek at the end of the orchard, to say good-by. The field below covered with those moony-white flowers, and the cows all dark and sleepy; the holy feeling down there was wonderful, and in the branches over our heads, too, and the velvety, starry sky, and the dewiness against one’s face, and the great, broad silence – it was all worshipping something, and I was worshipping – worshipping happiness. I WAS happy, and I think HE was. Perhaps I shall never be so happy again. When he kissed me I didn’t think the whole world had so much happiness in it. I know now that I’m not cold a bit; I used to think I was. I believe I could go with him anywhere, and do anything he wanted. What would Dad think? Only the other day I was saying I wanted to know everything. One only knows through love. It’s love that makes the world all beautiful – makes it like those pictures that seem to be wrapped in gold, makes it like a dream – no, not like a dream – like a wonderful tune. I suppose that’s glamour – a goldeny, misty, lovely feeling, as if my soul were wandering about with his – not in my body at all. I want it to go on and on wandering – oh! I don’t want it back in my body, all hard and inquisitive and aching! I shall never know anything so lovely as loving him and being loved. I don’t want anything more – nothing! Stay with me, please – Happiness! Don’t go away and leave me!.. They frighten me, though; he frightens me – their idealism; wanting to do great things, and fight for justice. If only I’d been brought up more like that – but everything’s been so different. It’s their mother, I think, even more than themselves. I seem to have grown up just looking on at life as at a show; watching it, thinking about it, trying to understand – not living it at all. I must get over that; I will. I believe I can tell the very moment I began to love him. It was in the schoolroom the second evening. Sheila and I were sitting there just before dinner, and he came, in a rage, looking splendid. ‘That footman put out everything just as if I were a baby – asked me for suspenders to fasten on my socks; hung the things on a chair in order, as if I couldn’t find out for myself what to put on first; turned the tongues of my shoes out! – curled them over!’ Then Derek looked at me and said: ‘Do they do that for you? – And poor old Gaunt, who’s sixty-six and lame, has three shillings a week to buy him everything. Just think of that! If we had the pluck of flies – ’ And he clenched his fists. But Sheila got up, looked hard at me, and said: ‘That’ll do, Derek.’ Then he put his hand on my arm and said: ‘It’s only Cousin Nedda!’ I began to love him then; and I believe he saw it, because I couldn’t take my eyes away. But it was when Sheila sang ‘The Red Sarafan,’ after dinner, that I knew for certain. ‘The Red Sarafan’ – it’s a wonderful song, all space and yearning, and yet such calm – it’s the song of the soul; and he was looking at me while she sang. How can he love me? I am nothing – no good for anything! Alan calls him a ‘run-up kid, all legs and wings.’ Sometimes I hate Alan; he’s conventional and stodgy – the funny thing is that he admires Sheila. She’ll wake him up; she’ll stick pins into him. No, I don’t want Alan hurt – I want every one in the world to be happy, happy – as I am… The next day was the thunder-storm. I never saw lightning so near – and didn’t care a bit. If he were struck I knew I should be; that made it all right. When you love, you don’t care, if only the something must happen to you both. When it was over, and we came out from behind the stack and walked home through the fields, all the beasts looked at us as if we were new and had never been seen before; and the air was ever so sweet, and that long, red line of cloud low down in the purple, and the elm-trees so heavy and almost black. He put his arm round me, and I let him… It seems an age to wait till they come to stay with us next week. If only Mother likes them, and I can go and stay at Joyfields. Will she like them? It’s all so different to what it would be if they were ordinary. But if he were ordinary I shouldn’t love him; it’s because there’s nobody like him. That isn’t a loverish fancy – you only have to look at him against Alan or Uncle Stanley or even Dad. Everything he does is so different; the way he walks, and the way he stands drawn back into himself, like a stag, and looks out as if he were burning and smouldering inside; even the way he smiles. Dad asked me what I thought of him! That was only the second day. I thought he was too proud, then. And Dad said: ‘He ought to be in a Highland regiment; pity – great pity!’ He is a fighter, of course. I don’t like fighting, but if I’m not ready to, he’ll stop loving me, perhaps. I’ve got to learn. O Darkness out there, help me! And Stars, help me! O God, make me brave, and I will believe in you forever! If you are the spirit that grows in things in spite of everything, until they’re like the flowers, so perfect that we laugh and sing at their beauty, grow in me, too; make me beautiful and brave; then I shall be fit for him, alive or dead; and that’s all I want. Every evening I shall stand in spirit with him at the end of that orchard in the darkness, under the trees above the white flowers and the sleepy cows, and perhaps I shall feel him kiss me again… I’m glad I saw that old man Gaunt; it makes what they feel more real to me. He showed me that poor laborer Tryst, too, the one who mustn’t marry his wife’s sister, or have her staying in the house without marrying her. Why should people interfere with others like that? It does make your blood boil! Derek and Sheila have been brought up to be in sympathy with the poor and oppressed. If they had lived in London they would have been even more furious, I expect. And it’s no use my saying to myself ‘I don’t know the laborer, I don’t know his hardships,’ because he is really just the country half of what I do know and see, here in London, when I don’t hide my eyes. One talk showed me how desperately they feel; at night, in Sheila’s room, when we had gone up, just we four. Alan began it; they didn’t want to, I could see; but he was criticising what some of those Bigwigs had said – the ‘Varsity makes boys awfully conceited. It was such a lovely night; we were all in the big, long window. A little bat kept flying past; and behind the copper-beech the moon was shining on the lake. Derek sat in the windowsill, and when he moved he touched me. To be touched by him gives me a warm shiver all through. I could hear him gritting his teeth at what Alan said – frightfully sententious, just like a newspaper: ‘We can’t go into land reform from feeling, we must go into it from reason.’ Then Derek broke out: ‘Walk through this country as we’ve walked; see the pigsties the people live in; see the water they drink; see the tiny patches of ground they have; see the way their roofs let in the rain; see their peeky children; see their patience and their hopelessness; see them working day in and day out, and coming on the parish at the end! See all that, and then talk about reason! Reason! It’s the coward’s excuse, and the rich man’s excuse, for doing nothing. It’s the excuse of the man who takes jolly good care not to see for fear that he may come to feel! Reason never does anything, it’s too reasonable. The thing is to act; then perhaps reason will be jolted into doing something.’ But Sheila touched his arm, and he stopped very suddenly. She doesn’t trust us. I shall always be being pushed away from him by her. He’s just twenty, and I shall be eighteen in a week; couldn’t we marry now at once? Then, whatever happened, I couldn’t be cut off from him. If I could tell Dad, and ask him to help me! But I can’t – it seems desecration to talk about it, even to Dad. All the way up in the train to-day, coming back home, I was struggling not to show anything; though it’s hateful to keep things from Dad. Love alters everything; it melts up the whole world and makes it afresh. Love is the sun of our spirits, and it’s the wind. Ah, and the rain, too! But I won’t think of that!.. I wonder if he’s told Aunt Kirsteen!..”

CHAPTER X

While Nedda sat, long past midnight, writing her heart out in her little, white, lilac-curtained room of the old house above the Spaniard’s Road, Derek, of whom she wrote, was walking along the Malvern hills, hurrying upward in the darkness. The stars were his companions; though he was no poet, having rather the fervid temper of the born swordsman, that expresses itself in physical ecstasies. He had come straight out from a stormy midnight talk with Sheila. What was he doing – had been the burden of her cry – falling in love just at this moment when they wanted all their wits and all their time and strength for this struggle with the Mallorings? It was foolish, it was weak; and with a sweet, soft sort of girl who could be no use. Hotly he had answered: What business was it of hers? As if one fell in love when one wished! She didn’t know – her blood didn’t run fast enough! Sheila had retorted, “I’ve more blood in my big toe than Nedda in all her body! A lot of use you’ll be, with your heart mooning up in London!” And crouched together on the end of her bed, gazing fixedly up at him through her hair, she had chanted mockingly: “Here we go gathering wool and stars – wool and stars – wool and stars!”

He had not deigned to answer, but had gone out, furious with her, striding over the dark fields, scrambling his way through the hedges toward the high loom of the hills. Up on the short grass in the cooler air, with nothing between him and those swarming stars, he lost his rage. It never lasted long – hers was more enduring. With the innate lordliness of a brother he already put it down to jealousy. Sheila was hurt that he should want any one but her; as if his love for Nedda would make any difference to their resolution to get justice for Tryst and the Gaunts, and show those landed tyrants once for all that they could not ride roughshod.

Nedda! with her dark eyes, so quick and clear, so loving when they looked at him! Nedda, soft and innocent, the touch of whose lips had turned his heart to something strange within him, and wakened such feelings of chivalry! Nedda! To see whom for half a minute he felt he would walk a hundred miles.