The Island Pharisees

“Thank you; that ‘ll do, Bunyan. Ah, Dick! Charmin’ to see you here, at last!”

In his intercourse with Mrs. Dennant, Shelton never failed to mark the typical nature of her personality. It always seemed to him that he had met so many other ladies like her. He felt that her undoubtable quality had a non-individual flavour, as if standing for her class. She thought that standing for herself was not the thing; yet she was full of character. Tall, with nose a trifle beaked, long, sloping chin, and an assured, benevolent mouth, showing, perhaps, too many teeth – though thin, she was not unsubstantial. Her accent in speaking showed her heritage; it was a kind of drawl which disregarded vulgar merits such as tone; leaned on some syllables, and despised the final ‘g’ – the peculiar accent, in fact, of aristocracy, adding its deliberate joys to life.

Shelton knew that she had many interests; she was never really idle, from the time (7 A.M.) when her maid brought her a little china pot of tea with a single biscuit and her pet dog, Tops, till eleven o’clock at night, when she lighted a wax candle in a silver candlestick, and with this in one hand, and in the other a new novel, or, better still, one of those charming volumes written by great people about the still greater people they have met, she said good-night to her children and her guests. No! What with photography, the presidency of a local league, visiting the rich, superintending all the poor, gardening, reading, keeping all her ideas so tidy that no foreign notions might stray in, she was never idle. The information she collected from these sources was both vast and varied, but she never let it flavour her opinions, which lacked sauce, and were drawn from some sort of dish into which, with all her class, she dipped her fingers.

He liked her. No one could help liking her. She was kind, and of such good quality, with a suggestion about her of thin, excellent, and useful china; and she was scented, too – not with verbena, violets, or those essences which women love, but with nothing, as if she had taken stand against all meretricity. In her intercourse with persons not “quite the thing” (she excepted the vicar from this category, though his father had dealt in haberdashery), her refinement, gently, unobtrusively, and with great practical good sense, seemed continually to murmur, “I am, and you – well, are you, don’t you know?” But there was no self-consciousness about this attitude, for she was really not a common woman. She simply could not help it; all her people had done this. Their nurses breathed above them in their cradles something that, inhaled into their systems, ever afterwards prevented them from taking good, clear breaths. And her manner! Ah! her manner – it concealed the inner woman so as to leave doubt of her existence!

Shelton listened to the kindly briskness with which she dwelt upon the under-gardener.

“Poor Bunyan! he lost his wife six months ago, and was quite cheerful just at first, but now he ‘s really too distressin’. I ‘ve done all I can to rouse him; it’s so melancholy to see him mopin’. And, my dear Dick, the way he mangles the new rose-trees! I’m afraid he’s goin’ mad; I shall have to send him away; poor fellow!”

It was clear that she sympathised with Bunyan, or, rather, believed him entitled to a modicum of wholesome grief, the loss of wives being a canonised and legal, sorrow. But excesses! O dear, no!

“I ‘ve told him I shall raise his wages,” she sighed. “He used to be such a splendid gardener! That reminds me, my dear Dick; I want to have a talk with you. Shall we go in to lunch?”

Consulting the memorandum-book in which she had been noting the case of Mrs. Hopkins, she slightly preceded Shelton to the house.

It was somewhat late that afternoon when Shelton had his “wigging”; nor did it seem to him, hypnotised by the momentary absence of Antonia, such a very serious affair.

“Now, Dick,” the Honourable Mrs. Dennant said, in her decisive drawl, “I don’t think it ‘s right to put ideas into Antonia’s head.”

“Ideas!” murmured Shelton in confusion.

“We all know,” continued Mrs. Dennant, “that things are not always what they ought to be.”

Shelton looked at her; she was seated at her writing-table, addressing in her large, free writing a dinner invitation to a bishop. There was not the faintest trace of awkwardness about her, yet Shelton could not help a certain sense of shock. If she – she – did not think things were what they ought to be – in a bad way things must be indeed!

“Things!” he muttered.

Mrs. Dennant looked at him firmly but kindly with the eyes that would remind him of a hare’s.

“She showed me some of your letters, you know. Well, it ‘s not a bit of use denyin’, my dear Dick, that you’ve been thinkin’ too much lately.”

Shelton perceived that he had done her an injustice; she handled “things” as she handled under-gardeners – put them away when they showed signs of running to extremes.

“I can’t help that, I ‘m afraid,” he answered.

“My dear boy! you’ll never get on that way. Now, I want you to promise me you won’t talk to Antonia about those sort of things.”

Shelton raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, you know what I mean!”

He saw that to press Mrs. Dennant to say what she meant by “things” would really hurt her sense of form; it would be cruel to force her thus below the surface!

He therefore said, “Quite so!”

To his extreme surprise, flushing the peculiar and pathetic flush of women past their prime, she drawled out:

“About the poor – and criminals – and marriages – there was that wedding, don’t you know?”

Shelton bowed his head. Motherhood had been too strong for her; in her maternal flutter she had committed the solecism of touching in so many words on “things.”

“Does n’t she really see the fun,” he thought, “in one man dining out of gold and another dining in the gutter; or in two married people living on together in perfect discord ‘pour encourages les autres’, or in worshipping Jesus Christ and claiming all her rights at the same time; or in despising foreigners because they are foreigners; or in war; or in anything that is funny?” But he did her a certain amount of justice by recognising that this was natural, since her whole life had been passed in trying not to see the fun in all these things.

But Antonia stood smiling in the doorway. Brilliant and gay she looked, yet resentful, as if she knew they had been talking of her. She sat down by Shelton’s side, and began asking him about the youthful foreigner whom he had spoken of; and her eyes made him doubt whether she, too, saw the fun that lay in one human being patronising others.

“But I suppose he’s really good,” she said, “I mean, all those things he told you about were only – ”

“Good!” he answered, fidgeting; “I don’t really know what the word means.”

Her eyes clouded. “Dick, how can you?” they seemed to say.

Shelton stroked her sleeve.

“Tell us about Mr. Crocker,” she said, taking no heed of his caress.

“The lunatic!” he said.

“Lunatic! Why, in your letters he was splendid.”

“So he is,” said Shelton, half ashamed; “he’s not a bit mad, really – that is, I only wish I were half as mad.”

“Who’s that mad?” queried Mrs. Dennant from behind the urn – “Tom Crocker? Ah, yes! I knew his mother; she was a Springer.”

“Did he do it in the week?” said Thea, appearing in the window with a kitten.

“I don’t know,” Shelton was obliged to answer.

Thea shook back her hair.

“I call it awfully slack of you not to have found out,” she said.

Antonia frowned.

“You were very sweet to that young foreigner, Dick,” she murmured with a smile at Shelton. “I wish that we could see him.”

But Shelton shook his head.

“It seems to me,” he muttered, “that I did about as little for him as I could.”

Again her face grew thoughtful, as though his words had chilled her.

“I don’t see what more you could have done,” she answered.

A desire to get close to her, half fear, half ache, a sense of futility and bafflement, an inner burning, made him feel as though a flame were licking at his heart.

CHAPTER XXI

ENGLISH

Just as Shelton was starting to walk back to Oxford he met Mr. Dennant coming from a ride. Antonia’s father was a spare man of medium height, with yellowish face, grey moustache, ironical eyebrows, and some tiny crow’s-feet. In his old, short grey coat, with a little slit up the middle of the back, his drab cord breeches, ancient mahogany leggings, and carefully blacked boats, he had a dry, threadbare quality not without distinction.

“Ah, Shelton!” he said, in his quietly festive voice; “glad to see the pilgrim here, at last. You’re not off already?” and, laying his hand on Shelton’s arm, he proposed to walk a little way with him across the fields.

This was the first time they had met since the engagement; and Shelton began to nerve himself to express some sentiment, however bald, about it. He squared his shoulders, cleared his throat, and looked askance at Mr. Dennant. That gentleman was walking stiffly, his cord breeches faintly squeaking. He switched a yellow, jointed cane against his leggings, and after each blow looked at his legs satirically. He himself was rather like that yellow cane-pale, and slim, and jointed, with features arching just a little, like the arching of its handle.

“They say it’ll be a bad year for fruit,” Shelton said at last.

“My dear fellow, you don’t know your farmer, I ‘m afraid. We ought to hang some farmers – do a world of good. Dear souls! I’ve got some perfect strawberries.”

“I suppose,” said Shelton, glad to postpone the evil moment, “in a climate like this a man must grumble.”

“Quite so, quite so! Look at us poor slaves of land-owners; if I couldn’t abuse the farmers I should be wretched. Did you ever see anything finer than this pasture? And they want me to lower their rents!”

And Mr. Dennant’s glance satirically wavered, rested on Shelton, and whisked back to the ground as though he had seen something that alarmed him. There was a pause.

“Now for it!” thought the younger man.

Mr. Dennant kept his eyes fixed on his boots.

“If they’d said, now,” he remarked jocosely, “that the frost had nipped the partridges, there ‘d have been some sense in it; but what can you expect? They’ve no consideration, dear souls!”

Shelton took a breath, and, with averted eyes, he hurriedly began:

“It’s awfully hard, sir, to – ”

Mr. Dennant switched his cane against his shin.

“Yes,” he said, “it ‘s awfully hard to put up with, but what can a fellow do? One must have farmers. Why, if it was n’t for the farmers, there ‘d be still a hare or two about the place!”

Shelton laughed spasmodically; again he glanced askance at his future father-in-law. What did the waggling of his head mean, the deepening of his crow’s-feet, the odd contraction of the mouth? And his eye caught Mr. Dennant’s eye; its expression was queer above the fine, dry nose (one of the sort that reddens in a wind).

“I’ve never had much to do with farmers,” he said at last.

“Have n’t you? Lucky fellow! The most – yes, quite the most trying portion of the human species – next to daughters.”

“Well, sir, you can hardly expect me – ” began Shelton.

“I don’t – oh, I don’t! D ‘you know, I really believe we’re in for a ducking.”

A large black cloud had covered up the sun, and some drops were spattering on Mr. Dennant’s hard felt hat.

Shelton welcomed the shower; it appeared to him an intervention on the part of Providence. He would have to say something, but not now, later.

“I ‘ll go on,” he said; “I don’t mind the rain. But you’d better get back, sir.”

“Dear me! I’ve a tenant in this cottage,” said Mr. Dennant in his, leisurely, dry manner “and a beggar he is to poach, too. Least we can do ‘s to ask for a little shelter; what do you think?” and smiling sarcastically, as though deprecating his intention to keep dry, he rapped on the door of a prosperous-looking cottage.

It was opened by a girl of Antonia’s age and height.

“Ah, Phoebe! Your father in?”

“No,” replied the girl, fluttering; “father’s out, Mr. Dennant.”

“So sorry! Will you let us bide a bit out of the rain?”

The sweet-looking Phoebe dusted them two chairs, and, curtseying, left them in the parlour.

“What a pretty girl!” said Shelton.

“Yes, she’s a pretty girl; half the young fellows are after her, but she won’t leave her father. Oh, he ‘s a charming rascal is that fellow!”

This remark suddenly brought home to Shelton the conviction that he was further than ever from avoiding the necessity for speaking. He walked over to the window. The rain was coming down with fury, though a golden line far down the sky promised the shower’s quick end. “For goodness’ sake,” he thought, “let me say something, however idiotic, and get it over!” But he did not turn; a kind of paralysis had seized on him.

“Tremendous heavy rain!” he said at last; “coming down in waterspouts.”

It would have been just as easy to say: “I believe your daughter to be the sweetest thing on earth; I love her, and I ‘m going to make her happy!” Just as easy, just about the same amount of breath required; but he couldn’t say it! He watched the rain stream and hiss against the leaves and churn the dust on the parched road with its insistent torrent; and he noticed with precision all the details of the process going on outside how the raindrops darted at the leaves like spears, and how the leaves shook themselves free a hundred times a minute, while little runnels of water, ice-clear, rolled over their edges, soft and quick. He noticed, too, the mournful head of a sheltering cow that was chewing at the hedge.

Mr. Dennant had not replied to his remark about the rain. So disconcerting was this silence that Shelton turned. His future father-in-law, upon his wooden chair, was staring at his well-blacked boots, bending forward above his parted knees, and prodding at the carpet; a glimpse at his face disturbed Shelton’s resolution. It was not forbidding, stern, discouraging – not in the least; it had merely for the moment ceased to look satirical. This was so startling that Shelton lost his chance of speaking. There seemed a heart to Mr. Dennant’s gravity; as though for once he were looking grave because he felt so. But glancing up at Shelton, his dry jocosity reappeared at once.

“What a day for ducks!” he said; and again there was unmistakable alarm about the eye. Was it possible that he, too, dreaded something?

“I can’t express – ” began Shelton hurriedly.

“Yes, it’s beastly to get wet,” said Mr. Dennant, and he sang —

          “For we can wrestle and fight, my boys,          And jump out anywhere.”

“You ‘ll be with us for that dinner-party next week, eh? Capital! There’s the Bishop of Blumenthal and old Sir Jack Buckwell; I must get my wife to put you between them – ”

          “For it’s my delight of a starry night – ”

“The Bishop’s a great anti-divorce man, and old Buckwell ‘s been in the court at least twice – ”

          “In the season of the year!”

“Will you please to take some tea, gentlemen?” said the voice of Phoebe in the doorway.

“No, thank you, Phoebe. That girl ought to get married,” went on Mr. Dennant, as Phoebe blushingly withdrew. A flush showed queerly on his sallow cheeks. “A shame to keep her tied like this to her father’s apron-strings – selfish fellow, that!” He looked up sharply, as if he had made a dangerous remark.

          The keeper he was watching us,          For him we did n’t care!

Shelton suddenly felt certain that Antonia’s father was just as anxious to say something expressive of his feelings, and as unable as himself. And this was comforting.

“You know, sir – ” he began.

But Mr. Dennant’s eyebrows rose, his crow’s-feet twinkled; his personality seemed to shrink together.

“By Jove!” he said, “it’s stopped! Now’s our chance! Come along, my dear fellow; delays are dangerous!” and with his bantering courtesy he held the door for Shelton to pass out. “I think we’ll part here,” he said – “I almost think so. Good luck to you!”

He held out his dry, yellow hand. Shelton seized it, wrung it hard, and muttered the word:

“Grateful!”

Again Mr. Dennant’s eyebrows quivered as if they had been tweaked; he had been found out, and he disliked it. The colour in his face had died away; it was calm, wrinkled, dead-looking under the flattened, narrow brim of his black hat; his grey moustache drooped thinly; the crow’s-feet hardened round his eyes; his nostrils were distended by the queerest smile.

“Gratitude!” he said; “almost a vice, is n’t it? Good-night!”

Shelton’s face quivered; he raised his hat, and, turning as abruptly as his senior, proceeded on his way. He had been playing in a comedy that could only have been played in England. He could afford to smile now at his past discomfort, having no longer the sense of duty unfulfilled. Everything had been said that was right and proper to be said, in the way that we such things should say. No violence had been done; he could afford to smile – smile at himself, at Mr. Dennant, at to-morrow; smile at the sweet aroma of the earth, the shy, unwilling sweetness that only rain brings forth.

CHAPTER XXII

THE COUNTRY HOUSE

The luncheon hour at Holm Oaks, was, as in many well-bred country houses – out of the shooting season, be it understood – the soulful hour. The ferment of the daily doings was then at its full height, and the clamour of its conversation on the weather, and the dogs, the horses, neighbours, cricket, golf, was mingled with a literary murmur; for the Dennants were superior, and it was quite usual to hear remarks like these “Have you read that charmin’ thing of Poser’s?” or, “Yes, I’ve got the new edition of old Bablington: delightfully bound – so light.” And it was in July that Holm Oaks, as a gathering-place of the elect, was at its best. For in July it had become customary to welcome there many of those poor souls from London who arrived exhausted by the season, and than whom no seamstress in a two-pair back could better have earned a holiday. The Dennants themselves never went to London for the season. It was their good pleasure not to. A week or fortnight of it satisfied them. They had a radical weakness for fresh air, and Antonia, even after her presentation two seasons back, had insisted on returning home, stigmatising London balls as “stuffy things.”

When Shelton arrived the stream had only just begun, but every day brought fresh, or rather jaded, people to occupy the old, dark, sweet-smelling bedrooms. Individually, he liked his fellow-guests, but he found himself observing them. He knew that, if a man judged people singly, almost all were better than himself; only when judged in bulk were they worthy of the sweeping criticisms he felt inclined to pass on them. He knew this just as he knew that the conventions, having been invented to prevent man following his natural desires, were merely the disapproving sums of innumerable individual approvals.

It was in the bulk; then, that he found himself observing. But with his amiability and dread of notoriety he remained to all appearance a well-bred, docile creature, and he kept his judgments to himself.

In the matter of intellect he made a rough division of the guests – those who accepted things without a murmur, those who accepted them with carping jocularity; in the matter of morals he found they all accepted things without the semblance of a kick. To show sign of private moral judgment was to have lost your soul, and, worse, to be a bit of an outsider. He gathered this by intuition rather than from conversation; for conversation naturally tabooed such questions, and was carried on in the loud and cheerful tones peculiar to people of good breeding. Shelton had never been able to acquire this tone, and he could not help feeling that the inability made him more or less an object of suspicion. The atmosphere struck him as it never had before, causing him to feel a doubt of his gentility. Could a man suffer from passion, heart-searchings, or misgivings, and remain a gentleman? It seemed improbable. One of his fellow-guests, a man called Edgbaston, small-eyed and semi-bald, with a dark moustache and a distinguished air of meanness, disconcerted him one day by remarking of an unknown person, “A half-bred lookin’ chap; did n’t seem to know his mind.” Shelton was harassed by a horrid doubt.

Everything seemed divided into classes, carefully docketed and valued. For instance, a Briton was of more value than a man, and wives than women. Those things or phases of life with which people had no personal acquaintance were regarded with a faint amusement and a certain disapproval. The principles of the upper class, in fact, were strictly followed.

He was in that hypersenstive and nervous state favourable for recording currents foreign to itself. Things he had never before noticed now had profound effect on him, such as the tone in which men spoke of women – not precisely with hostility, nor exactly with contempt best, perhaps, described as cultured jeering; never, of course, when men spoke of their own wives, mothers, sisters, or immediate friends, but merely when they spoke of any other women. He reflected upon this, and came to the conclusion that, among the upper classes, each man’s own property was holy, while other women were created to supply him with gossip, jests, and spice. Another thing that struck him was the way in which the war then going on was made into an affair of class. In their view it was a baddish business, because poor hack Blank and Peter Blank-Blank had lost their lives, and poor Teddy Blank had now one arm instead of two. Humanity in general was omitted, but not the upper classes, nor, incidentally, the country which belonged to them. For there they were, all seated in a row, with eyes fixed on the horizon of their lawns.

Late one evening, billiards and music being over and the ladies gone, Shelton returned from changing to his smoking-suit, and dropped into one of the great arm-chairs that even in summer made a semicircle round the fendered hearth. Fresh from his good-night parting with Antonia, he sat perhaps ten minutes before he began to take in all the figures in their parti-coloured smoking jackets, cross-legged, with glasses in their hands, and cigars between their teeth.

The man in the next chair roused him by putting down his tumbler with a tap, and seating himself upon the cushioned fender. Through the mist of smoke, with shoulders hunched, elbows and knees crooked out, cigar protruding, beak-ways, below his nose, and the crimson collar of his smoking jacket buttoned close as plumage on his breast, he looked a little like a gorgeous bird.

“They do you awfully well,” he said.

A voice from the chair on Shelton’s right replied,

“They do you better at Verado’s.”

“The Veau d’.r ‘s the best place; they give you Turkish baths for nothing!” drawled a fat man with a tiny mouth.

The suavity of this pronouncement enfolded all as with a blessing. And at once, as if by magic, in the old, oak-panelled room, the world fell naturally into its three departments: that where they do you well; that where they do you better; and that where they give you Turkish baths for nothing.

“If you want Turkish baths,” said a tall youth with clean red face, who had come into the room, and stood, his mouth a little open, and long feet jutting with sweet helplessness in front of him, “you should go, you know, to Buda Pesth; most awfully rippin’ there.”

Shelton saw an indescribable appreciation rise on every face, as though they had been offered truffles or something equally delicious.

“Oh no, Poodles,” said the man perched on the fender. “A Johnny I know tells me they ‘re nothing to Sofia.” His face was transfigured by the subtle gloating of a man enjoying vice by proxy.

“Ah!” drawled the small-mouthed man, “there ‘s nothing fit to hold a candle to Baghda-ad.”

Once again his utterance enfolded all as with a blessing, and once again the world fell into its three departments: that where they do you well; that where they do you better; and – Baghdad.

Shelton thought to himself: “Why don’t I know a place that’s better than Baghdad?”

He felt so insignificant. It seemed that he knew none of these delightful spots; that he was of no use to any of his fellow-men; though privately he was convinced that all these speakers were as ignorant as himself, and merely found it warming to recall such things as they had heard, with that peculiar gloating look. Alas! his anecdotes would never earn for him that prize of persons in society, the label of a “good chap” and “sportsman.”