An Amish Christmas

Karen watched the bishop walk away. She had been warned. Her support for John must be limited and above reproach. She reached for the reins but John ignored her outstretched hand, turning the horse easily in the yard and sending her down the lane.

Karen put the bishop’s warning behind her. “You have driven a buggy many times.”

“Maybe I’m just a fast learner.”

“Perhaps.” Her spirits sank lower. How many English knew how to drive a buggy? Not many. It seemed more likely that her earlier assumption was correct. John had been raised Plain.

If he had left the church before his baptism, he would be accepted by most of the Amish in her community. If, on the other hand, he had rejected the church after baptism he would be considered an outcast until he made a full confession before the congregation.

She glanced at him once more. How could a man confess his sins if he had no memory of them? He looked happy at the moment driving Molly along at a steady pace. The cold rain had stopped and the sun peeked out. Up ahead on the road, Henry Zook, the bishop’s youngest son, was traveling to market in his farm wagon. John slowed Molly to follow behind him. When the way was clear and free of traffic, he sent Molly high stepping around the wagon.

When the mare drew level with the other horses she suddenly picked up her pace eager to get in front of them.

“You’ve got some speed, Molly girl,” John called to the horse.

Instead of letting the mare keep her fast pace, he reined her in and grinned at Karen. “I’d love to let her go and see just how much she’s got.”

“Why don’t you?” she asked, hoping to hear the right answer.

He shook his head. “No, she has too many miles to haul us yet. It wouldn’t be kind to wear her out on a joyride.”

Looking straight ahead, Karen smiled inwardly. “Whatever you have done in your past life, you care about animals. You can add it to your list of things you have discovered about yourself.”

“Now if I can only locate a pencil sharpener,” he added drily.

“What?” She tipped her head to stare at him in confusion.

“Never mind. Where to next?”

“Up ahead is the farm of Elam Sutter. He and some of his family moved here from Pennsylvania almost two years ago. Elam is getting married next week.”

Twisting in the seat, she grasped his arm as excitement rippled though her mind. “I don’t know why I didn’t think of it sooner. It makes perfect sense.”

“What makes perfect sense?”

“Perhaps you were coming for the wedding. Elam’s fiancée, Katie Lantz, lived out in the world for several years. She knows many English. That must be it.”

* * *

John tried not to get his hopes up but Karen’s excitement was contagious. He asked, “Why didn’t they report me as missing?”

“I don’t know. Maybe they weren’t sure when you would arrive. Maybe your coming was a surprise for them.”

He wanted to believe her scenarios but he was growing used to disappointment. Still, his palms began to sweat. “We will see soon enough.”

As they rolled into the yard, John saw four other buggies lined up beside the barn. He drew Molly to stop in front of the house.

Karen withdrew a large box from the back of the buggy. John took it from her and followed her to the front door. He was surprised when she didn’t knock but went right in. The spacious kitchen was filled to overflowing with enticing smells of baking and the happy chatter of a half dozen women engaged in cleaning and polishing every surface in the house.

The oldest woman in the room came forward drying her hands on her white apron. With a bright smile on her face, she said, “Karen, how nice to see you.”

Karen said, “I’ve brought some of my mother’s best bowls and platters for you to use at the wedding, Nettie.”

“Wonderful. They will come in handy. I’ve forgotten how much work it takes to get ready for a wedding dinner.” Nettie indicated a place for John to set his burden.

Karen said, “I have come with another errand, Nettie. Everyone, this is John Doe, the man who was found injured on our farm.” Karen smiled encouragement at him.

The room grew quiet. John felt everyone’s eyes on him. He scanned their faces looking for any hint of recognition. He saw nothing but blank stares. Either they had no idea who he was, or they were very good actresses. Once again his hopes slipped away. Why didn’t someone know him? Why?

Looking over the group, Karen asked, “Where is Katie?”

Nettie said, “She is upstairs changing the baby.”

One of the other women stepped forward. “Are you a friend of Katie’s? I am Ruby, her future sister-in-law. This is my sister Mary, my sister-in-law Sally Yoder, and this is my mother, Nettie Sutter.”

John nodded to them. “I’m not sure if I know Katie. I sure hope she knows me. The injury to my head robbed me of my memory. Karen thinks I may have been coming to the wedding.”

Ruby and Mary exchanged puzzled glances. The two women were in their late twenties or early thirties. They were clearly related to Nettie. The women shared the same bright blue eyes, apple-red cheeks and blond hair although Nettie’s was streaked with silver. They all wore plain dresses with white caps and white aprons.

The teenager, Sally, had red hair and freckles, but she wasn’t smiling in welcome the way the others were. Her eyes held a frightened, guarded look. She said, “I will go get Katie.”

Spinning around, she opened a door and rushed up the stairs beyond.

He waited, not taking his eyes off the stairwell. After an eternity, he heard footsteps coming down. The woman who entered the kitchen was dressed in the same Amish fashion as the others, but her hair was black as coal. She came toward him with a perplexed expression in her dark eyes. He held his breath, not daring to hope.

Stopping in front of him, she said, “Emma Wadler mentioned that she had met you at the inn, Mr. Doe. I’m sorry I can’t be of any help. I don’t recognize you.”

He could barely swallow past the lump in his throat. A vicious headache, brought on by his frustration, sapped his strength. He managed to say, “I’m sorry we interrupted your afternoon. Thank you for your time.”

Nettie spoke up, “Would you like some tea? I have the kettle on.”

He shook his head, eager to escape before the pounding in his temple made him sick.

Katie said, “Elam is in his workshop. Perhaps he has met you before.”

After looking at John closely, Karen said, “Come with me. I will show you the way.”

He followed her outside into the fresh, cool air. Only then did he realize how hot the kitchen had been. Breathing deeply, he struggled to master the pain in his head.

“Take slow deep breaths,” Karen said, standing at his side.

“I’m okay. How did you know?” If he kept his eyes closed the pain wasn’t as bad.

“My mother used to get migraines. Do they happen to you often?” she asked gently.

“Two or three times since I woke up in the hospital.”

She led him toward a small bench set beneath the bare gnarled branches of an apple tree. “Sit here. I will fetch Elam.”

John was in no shape to argue. Leaning back against the rough bark of the tree, he let his mind go blank. Slowly, the pain receded.

“Hey, buddy, think fast.”

John’s eyes popped open as he threw up his hands to catch the apple being thrown at him. Only there was none. He was alone. He closed his eyes again and rebuilt the scene in his mind.

The tree overhead was lush with green leaves and heavy with fruit. Yellow apples. He was sitting on the cool grass with his back against the trunk of the tree. A hot breeze flowed over his skin, making him glad of the shade. Birds were singing nearby. An occasional raucous cry sounded from among them. He heard the drone of insects, then the pad of footsteps approaching.

Close by, a woman’s voice, low and sweet said, “Here is my geils-mann loafing under a tree.”

He tried to turn his head to see her face, but found himself staring at his boots, instead. The harder he tried to see her, the more rapidly the scene faded.

“John? John, this is Elam Sutter.”

Opening his eyes, John saw Karen standing in front of him. Blinking hard, he looked around. The tree branches were bare. The lawn was brown and curled in winter sleep. Behind Karen, a tall, broad-shouldered man in a dark coat and black Amish hat stood regarding him intently.

Sharp bitterness lanced through John at the loss of his brief summer memory. His identity had been so close he could almost touch it and now it was gone.

How often could his mind be torn in two this way without finally ripping into pieces?

CHAPTER SIX

Disappointment drained John’s strength. The memory was gone. He couldn’t get it back, but Karen and her friend were still waiting for him to speak.

He forced himself to rise and extended his hand to Elam. “I’m pleased to meet you, Mr. Sutter. I guess Karen has told you why I’m here.”

Elam’s grip was strong and firm. “She has. I do not know your face, John Doe. I wish I could be more help.”

“Thank you. I’m sorry we interrupted your work.”

The sound of the front door closing made them all look toward the house. Katie came out wrapping a black shawl around her shoulders. John happened to glance at Elam’s face. The soft smile and the glow in the Amishman’s eyes told John this was a love match. When Katie reached them, Elam slipped an arm around her waist to block the cold.

She said to John, “Are you sure you won’t come in for a while? We have hot apple pie and coffee if you’d like.”

“No, but thank you. Congratulations on your engagement.”

“Danki,” Katie blushed sweetly as she gazed at Elam with adoring eyes. John wondered if a woman had ever looked at him that way.

After bidding the couple farewell, John followed Karen to the buggy. He relinquished the reins to her, knowing his headache wouldn’t let him keep his mind on the road. They were getting ready to leave when Nettie came racing out of the house carrying a large basket covered with a checkered cloth.

Breathlessly, she reached them and handed the basket to Karen. “This is for you and your family. A couple of my peach pies because I know Eli likes them best. How is he doing?”

Karen accepted the basket. “He gets his cast off next week, but he must still wear a brace and sling. He is chaffing at the bit to get back to work.”

“Has feeling returned to his hand?”

“Some, but he has no strength in it.”

“The poor man. He’s coming to the wedding, isn’t he?” A faint crease of worry appeared between Nettie’s brows.

“He would not miss it,” Karen assured her.

Relief smoothed away Nettie’s frown. “That is goot. And you, Mr. Doe, you are welcome to come to the wedding dinner. There will be plenty of food and there will be other English there, too,” she added with a bright smile.

“Thank you. That is very kind.” He tried to be noncommittal. Attending the wedding of someone he barely knew seemed presumptuous.

Nettie fixed her gaze on Karen. “Tell your father…tell him I think about him often. When this wedding fuss is over you must all come for Sunday dinner.”

“We will look forward to it.”

John closed his eyes and rubbed his brow as Karen drove Molly back to the highway. The jolting and creaking of the buggy added nausea to his discomfort.

Karen pulled Molly to a halt when they reached the end of the Sutters’ lane. “Do you still wish to go into Hope Springs?”

What he wanted was to lie down somewhere dark and quiet and let his mind travel back to that green, hot place and stay there until he saw the face of the woman who had been with him. As much as he wanted to do that, he knew he couldn’t stop now. “Let’s keep going. I want to see as many people as I can today.”

* * *

Karen studied John with deep concern. His color was pale, his eyes sunken with pain. He looked as if he might topple out of the buggy at any second. He kept one hand pressed to his forehead in an attempt to block the light from his eyes.

When she didn’t start Molly moving, he glanced at her. “What’s wrong? I said let’s go into town.”

She let out a sigh. “Nee, we are going home. You have done too much today. You are in pain and you need rest.”

He sat up straight to hide his weakness. “I’m fine. It’s just a headache.”

“Men! Always trying to show how tough they are. Anyone with eyes in their head can see you are done in. We will go home now and that is the end of it. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.”

“I’ll be okay,” he insisted.

“Ja. When you have had a rest I’m sure you will be fine.” Clicking her tongue, she urged Molly onto the highway and sent her trotting briskly toward their farm.

“Are you always this domineering?”

He had no idea how tough she could be, but he just might find out. “When I must tell a child what to do, ja, I am.”

“Now you’re saying I’m acting like a child?”

“A stubborn, willful child.”

“I’m going to let that slide. I can see arguing with you is fruitless. When did you take over the job of raising your brothers and sister?”

“I am the eldest daughter. It is expected of me to care for the younger ones. My mother was killed four years ago if that is what you are asking?”

“You do a good job with them.”

“They are goot children. They make the job easy.”

“Even Jacob?”

“Jacob is in a hurry to be the man of the house. He wants to take over for our father until Papa is well.”

“But you don’t want him to do that.”

She hadn’t realized her fear was that transparent. “Being a farrier is a hard job. It takes strength. A man must know how to read a horse. Some of the draft horses my father works on weigh nearly a ton. A man can shoe a horse nine times without trouble and on the tenth time that horse decides he wants to kill the farrier.”

“I didn’t say you were wrong to worry.”

Her annoyance slipped away. “I’m sorry. It’s just that he is so young yet. He idolized Seth, our brother who was killed. Seth was big and strong like Papa, not slender like Jacob. Seth had the touch when it came to horses. Mamm used to say he could whisper to them and they did just as he wished. Jacob wants to be a horseman like Seth was but he is impatient.”

John sat back and stared into space. “A horseman. He wants to be a horseman, a geils-mann. Here is my geils-mann loafing under a tree.”

Karen eyed him with concern. “What are you talking about?”

He focused on her face. “I had another memory flash. It was summer, and I was sitting under an apple tree. There was a woman behind me. She said, ‘Here is my geils­mann loafing under a tree.’ I heard the words clear as day.”

“Who was she?” Karen asked.

“I don’t know. I didn’t see her face.”

“How did you know what the word meant?” she asked in surprise.

“I’m not sure. I just know.”

As the ramifications of his comment sank in, Karen’s heart sank, too. Geils-mann was an Amish expression. Only someone raised speaking Pennsylvania Dutch would use the word. If John had not been raised Amish then the woman he spoke of surely had been. Karen glanced at John. Who was John Doe and who was this woman to him?

* * *

Several days later, John was outside early in the morning gathering a load of wood for his stove when he saw Nick Bradley drive into the yard. John’s heart jumped into overdrive. Maybe the sheriff’s investigation had turned up something new. He waited with bated breath as Nick climbed out of his SUV.

Touching the brim of his hat, Nick said, “Morning. I was in the neighborhood and thought I’d check and see how you’re doing.”

“I’m fine. Have you learned anything new?”

“No. I’m sorry.”

John’s anticipation drained away. He carried the logs to the box beside his front door and dropped them. He’d have to learn not to get his hopes up. Somehow.

Nick said, “I was hoping you might have found out something. Not that I want you to make me look bad.”

“No worries. I’m still a walking blank. I’ve had a few flashes of memory, but nothing concrete.”

“Are you writing them down?”

John paused and looked at the sheriff. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You should. Even the smallest thing you recall might help me. How’s the head?” He pointed to John’s bandage.

“Better.”

“My cousin Amber wanted me to remind you that you need to come in to Dr. White’s office and get your stitches out.”

He rubbed gingerly at his dressing. The sutures had started to itch. “I know I was supposed to go in a few days ago, but I’ve had other things on my mind.”

“I’ve got time to run you into Hope Springs this morning. Shall I see if they can work you in? I’m free for a while unless I get a call.”

“That would be great, but how do I get back if you’ve got to leave?” A light dusting of snow covered the ground this morning and occasional flakes drifted down from the gray sky. John didn’t want to walk five miles back to the farm in this weather.

“We have a couple of folks in town that provide taxi services to the Amish. Amber can arrange a ride if you need it.” Nick made the phone call.

After a brief conversation, he closed the phone. “All set. They can see you in half an hour.”

“Let me tell Miss Imhoff where I’m going. She likes to keep a tight leash on me.”

Nick chuckled. “I’ve heard she can be a tough cookie.”

The two men walked toward the main house. Nick asked, “How’s it working out? You staying here.”

“It’s fine. The boy, Jacob, isn’t thrilled, but Noah and Anna don’t seem to mind. Eli is taking a wait-and-see attitude.”

“And Karen?”

John glanced toward the house. “She’s been very kind.”

Before they reached the steps, Eli came out to greet them. His stoic face showed nothing of what he was thinking. He nodded to the sheriff. “Goot day to you.”

“The same to you, Eli. I’m going to take John into town so Doc White can check him out. I’ll see that he gets back, too. How is your arm?”

Flexing his fingers in the sling, Eli said, “It is healing.”

Jacob came out of the house followed by Anna and Noah. The children hung back at the sight of the sheriff.

Nick glanced from Eli to Jacob. “I had a complaint about some Amish boys racing buggies over on Sky Road yesterday. You wouldn’t know anything about that, would you?”

“Nee. We do not,” Eli stated firmly. John caught the furtive glance Jacob shot in the sheriff’s direction before looking down.

Nick nodded. “It’s dangerous business racing on a public road. Gina Curtis had to put her car in the ditch to avoid hitting someone. It did a fair amount of damage to her front end. None of the buggy drivers stuck around. She wasn’t hurt but she could have been.”

Eli glanced at his son. “Do you know anything about this?”

“No, Papa.” Jacob glared at the sheriff. If he did know something, he wasn’t talking. Noah remained uncharacteristically quiet.

Eli said, “Go on to school now, children.”

The kids rushed down the steps with their lunch pails in hand and headed toward the school two miles away. Several times they threw looks over their shoulders. John had the distinct feeling they did know something.

After bidding Mr. Imhoff goodbye, John climbed in the sheriff’s SUV. When Nick got in and started the truck, John said, “You think Jacob was involved, don’t you?”

Nick turned the vehicle around and drove out the lane. They passed the children walking. Only Anna waved.

Nick said, “Gina’s description could fit ten boys in this area. I didn’t expect to get a confession. Illicit buggy racing goes on amongst Amish teenagers the same way drag racing goes on among the English kids. A lot of Amish parents turn a blind eye to that kind of behavior during the rumspringa.”

“What’s that?”

“It means running-around years. Amish teens are free to experiment with things that won’t be allowed once they join the church. You’ll see their buggies out-fitted with boom boxes, they’ll have cell phones and they’ll dress like regular kids when they are away from the farm. Jacob is young for that type of behavior. Rumspringa normally starts when the kids are about sixteen, but his dad has some fine horses.”

“Yes, he does.”

The sheriff looked at him sharply. “Do you know something about horses?”

“I know which end is which. I seem to know what a good Standardbred looks like. I found out I can drive a buggy and Eli’s two-wheeled cart without a problem. He’s been letting me use the cart to visit farms around here. The one thing I did remember was a woman’s voice. She called me her geils-mann.”

“She called you her horseman? That’s interesting. Maybe we ruled out your being ex-Amish too soon. It’s good to hear things are coming back to you.”

John had been wondering about the young woman ever since his vision. Was she his sister, a friend, his wife? He had no way of knowing.

He turned to stare out the window. “Not enough things are coming back to me.”

* * *

Karen didn’t want to reveal to her father her burning curiosity about the sheriff’s visit. Instead, when he came inside, she served him another cup of coffee before casually asking, “Where is the sheriff taking John?”

“To see the doctor in town.”

“Oh.” Relief made her knees weak. He wasn’t taking him away to his old life. She sat down quickly. Even though that was what she prayed for, losing him, even for the right reason, wasn’t something she wanted to face. Not yet.

Eli watched her closely. “You have taken a great liking to John Doe.”

Apparently her feelings weren’t as well hidden as she had hoped. She toyed with the corner of her apron. “He is so lost. I wish to help him. That is all.”

Her father covered her hands with his own. “Take care, daughter. He is not one of us.”

“He is one of God’s children.”

“Do not seek to divert me. You know exactly what I mean. Our faith makes no exceptions for those who stray outside the Ordnung.”

“I have done nothing against the rules of the church. John will only be here a few more days.” She forced herself to smile in reassurance, but her father was not fooled.

“I should have encouraged you to marry long ago, but I was so befuddled without your mother. It was selfish of me.”

“Papa, I am happy caring for the little ones and keeping your house. I could not ask for more.”

Sadness filled his eyes. “I would ask for more in your life. A woman should have a husband to love and shelter her. The risk of temptation would not be so great.”

Karen looked down at her hands. “I am not tempted by John Doe.”

“Do not forget that I am a man like all other men. I see the way he looks at you. I see the way you try not to look back at him.”

She pulled her hands away from his. “I care about him. I don’t deny that. When I saw him lying on the ground bleeding and wounded, I saw Seth. I could not save my brother. He died in my arms. I know his death was the will of God. Just as I know John lived by the will of God alone.”

“We do not know why God brings sadness or joy into our lives. We only know all comes from His purpose for us.” Eli leaned back in his chair and took a sip of coffee.

“I know that, Papa. But why has God taken away John’s memory? I believe it is because God wants to show John something he could not see before.”

Eli grasped her hand again. “Karen, Karen, you cannot know this. You cannot presume to know Gotte wille.”

She looked into his eyes so full of concern. “I’m sorry, Papa. I did not mean to upset you. Please trust me when I say you have nothing to worry about.”

Leaning forward, she said earnestly, “My heart is here, with you, and with the children. Nothing could make me throw that away.”