The Zankiwank and The Bletherwitch: An Original Fantastic Fairy Extravaganza

This is the Elfin Dawn,When ev'ry Fay and Faun,Trips o'er the earth with joy and mirth,And Pleasure takes the maun.Night's noon stars coyly peep,O'er dale and dene and deep,And Fairies fair float through the air,Love's festival to keep.We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!To greet the Elfin Dawn.The Flower-fairies spread each wing,And trip about with mincing ging,Upon the magic lawn.And so we frisk and play,Like mortals, in the day;From acorn cup we all wake upTitania to obey.We never, never die,And this the reason why,Of Fancy's art we are the partThat lives eternalie.We dance and sing in the Welkin Ring,While Heather Bells go Ding-dong-ding!To greet the Elfin Dawn.The Flower-fairies spread each wing,And trip about with mincing ging,Upon the magic lawn.

"They keep very good time, don't they?" said the Zankiwank to the children, who were completely entranced with pleasure and surprise.

"Lovely, lovely," was all they could say.

Every wild flower they could think of, and every bird of the air, was to be seen in this beautiful place with the purling stream running down the centre, crossed by innumerable rustic bridges, while far away they could see a fountain ever sending upward its cooling sprays of crystal water.

"I think I shall spend my honeymoon here," said the Zankiwank. "I have already bought a honeycomb for my bride. I am so impatient to have her by my side that I have dispatched the Jackarandajam and Mr Swinglebinks in a four-wheeled cab to fetch her. When the Bletherwitch arrives I will introduce you, and you shall both be bridesmaids!"

"But I can't be a bridesmaid, you know," corrected Willie.

"Oh yes, you can. You can be anything here you like. You only have to eat some Fern seeds and you become invisible, and nobody would know you. It is so simple, and saves a lot of argument. And you should never argue about anything unless you know nothing about it, then you are sure to win."

"But," interrupted Maude, "how can you know nothing about anything?"

"'Tis the easiest thing out of the world," said the Zankiwank. "What is nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Precisely. Nothing is nothing; but what is better than nothing?"

"Something."

"Wrong! Wrong! Wrong! Where is your logic? Nothing is better than something! I'll prove it: —

"Nothing is sweeter than honey,Nothing's more bitter than gall,Nothing that's comic is funny,Nothing is shorter than tall."

"That is nonsense and nothing to do with the case," exclaimed Maude.

"Nonsense? Nonsense? Did you say nonsense?"

"Of course she did," said Willie, "and so do I."

"Nonsense! To me? Do you forget what my name is?"

"Oh, no, nothing easier than to remember it. You are the Great Zankiwank."

"Thank you, I am satisfied. I thought you had forgotten. I am not cross with you."

Maude and Willie vowed they would not cross him for anything, let alone nothing, and so the Zankiwank was appeased and offered to give them the correct answer to his own unanswerable conundrum. Do you know what a conundrum is though? I will tell you while the Zankiwank is curling his whiskers: —

A conundrum is an impossible question with an improbable answer. Think it over the next time you read "Robinson Crusoe."

"Nothing is better than a good little girl;But a jam tart is better than nothing,Therefore a jam tart is better than the best little girl alive."

"What do you think of that?" said the Zankiwank.

"I have heard something like it before. But that is nothing. Anyhow I would much rather be a little girl than a jam tart – because a jam tart must be sour because it's tart, and a little girl is always sweet," promptly replied Willie, kissing his sister Maude on the nose – but that was an accident, because she moved at the wrong moment.

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