Deformities of Samuel Johnson, Selected from His Works

To glean the tithe of this man's absurdities cannot be of peculiar consequence to me: But the world is long since weary of his arrogant pedantry, his officious malice, his detested assiduity to undermine his superiors, and overbear his equals. Reformation is never quite hopeless, and by submitting to make a catalogue of his errors, there is a chance to humble and reform him. Perhaps indeed, like 'The drudges of sedition, HE will hear in sullen silence, HE will feel conviction without shame, and be confounded, but not abashed191.' I have not arrested a few careless expressions, which, in the glow of composition, will sometimes escape, but by fair, and copious quotations from Dr Johnson's ponderous abortions, have attempted to illustrate his covetous and shameless prolixity; his corruptions of our language; his very limited literature; his entire want of general learning; his antipathy to rival merit; his paralytick reasoning; his solemn trifling pedantry; his narrow views of human life; his adherence to contradictions; his defiance of decency; and his contempt of truth. I have not been sporting in the mere wantonness of assertion. I have produced such various, such invincible, such damning proofs, that the Doctor himself must feel a burst of conviction. To collect every particle of inanity which may be found in our patriot's works is infinitely beyond the limits of an eighteen-pence pamphlet. I stop at present here, but the subject seems inexhaustible192!

FINIS

1

The DNB and the DAB both contain accounts of Callender (complete, of course, with lists of their primary sources) to which we are indebted for various details in our own sketch of his life. However, neither mentions his pamphlets on Johnson.

2

Quoted from Hamilton by David Loth in Alexander Hamilton: Portrait of a Prodigy (New York, 1939), p. 249.

3

From the Richmond Recorder as printed in the New York Evening Post, 10 September 1802; quoted from Jefferson Reader, ed. Francis Coleman Rosenberger (New York, 1953), pp. 109-111.

4

There were apparently three editions of A Critical Review: (1) Edinburgh: Printed for J. Dickson, and W. Creech, 1783. (2) Second Edition. London. Printed for the Author, and sold by T. Cadell and J. Stockdale; at Edinburgh, by J. Dickson and W. Creech, 1783. (3) London. Printed for R. Rusted, 1787. We are indebted to the Pierpont Morgan Library for a photographic reproduction of its copy of the first edition of the pamphlet.

5

Brit. Mus. Addit. MS 6401, f. 175 b. Part of this letter is quoted by L. F. Powell in Boswell's Life of Johnson, IV, 499 (cited hereafter as Life).

6

Writing to Boswell on 28 March 1782, Johnson remarks: "The Beauties of Johnson are said to have got money to the collector; if the 'Deformities' have the same success, I shall be still a more extensive benefactor" (The Letters of Samuel Johnson, ed. R. W. Chapman [Oxford, 1952], II, 475).

7

Life of Samuel Johnson, LL.D. With Critical Observations on His Works (3rd ed.; Edinburgh, 1815), p. 231. Anderson is apparently incorrect in saying that Callender was Thomson's nephew.

8

There is apparently no copy of A Critical Review in the Bodleian.

9

In his Introduction to a recent reprint (New York, 1965) of John Rae's Life of Adam Smith (1895), Jacob Viner (who expresses his indebtedness to "Herman W. Liebert for bringing A Critical Review to my attention and for warning me that J. T. Callender, its author, was probably also the author of Deformities of Dr. Samuel Johnson") concludes that the quotation from John Callander in A Critical Review is sufficient "to acquit John Callander of any responsibility for authorship of either Deformities of Samuel Johnson or A Critical Review" (p. 68; see also pp. 62-69).

10

William P. Courtney and D. Nichol Smith, A Bibliography of Samuel Johnson (Oxford, 1915; reissued with facsimiles, 1925), p. 136.

11

Life, IV, 499. Callender's letter itself, reproduced in the R. B. Adam Library (III, 48), is now in the Hyde Collection. Dr. Powell, like Robert Anderson, says that James Thomson Callender was a nephew of the poet James Thomson, and gives the DNB as the source of his information.

12

In 1962, one of the present writers, J. E. Congleton, published an article on "James Thomson Callender, Johnson and Jefferson" (Johnsonian Studies [Cairo, 1962], pp. 161-172) which forms the basis of a part of the present introduction.

13

Life, III, 106, 107, 214, 488.

14

Ibid., III, 106.

15

Ibid., IV, 252-253, 526.

16

The work appeared well before 28 March 1782 when Johnson referred to it in the letter of Boswell cited above in note 6. In the Life (IV, 148), Boswell remarks that he had previously "informed" Johnson "that as 'The Beauties of Johnson' had been published in London, some obscure scribbler had published at Edinburgh, what he called 'The Deformities of Johnson.'"

17

On p. 63, Callender calls the work "a shilling pamphlet." We are grateful to the Pierpont Morgan Library for a photographic reproduction of its copy of the first edition of the Deformities.

18

Since its Preface is dated 21 November 1782, the second edition was presumably published after that time but before the beginning of 1783.

19

At the end of the second edition, Callender declares: "To collect every particle of inanity which may be found in our patriot's works is infinitely beyond the limits of an eighteen-pence pamphlet" (p. 88).

20

In a footnote on p. 51, Callender tells us that the "remarks" of the "judicious friend" appear in No. 12 of the Weekly Mirror, a periodical which, according to the CBEL (II, 665, 685), was published at Edinburgh from 22 September 1780 through 23 March 1781, for a total of 26 numbers; the editor was apparently James Tytler, the publisher J. Mennons.

21

Read Mr Mason's Ode to Truth, and pick out a single sentiment if you can.

22

World, No. 100.

23

Swift had the splendid misfortune to be a man of genius. By a very singular felicity, he excelled both in verse and prose. He boasted, that no new word was to be found in his volumes; though, in glory above all writers of his time, he did not fancy that entitled him to ingross or insult conversation. He was no less remarkably clean, than some are remarkably dirty. His love of fame never led him into the lowest of all vices; and a sense of his own dignity made him respect the importance and the feelings of others. He often went many miles on foot, that he might be able to bestow on the poor, what a coach would have cost him. He raised some hundreds of families from beggary, by lending them five pounds a-piece only. He inspired his footmen with Celtic attachment. Whatever was his pride, he shewed none of it in 'the venerable presence of misery.' Though a poet he was free from vanity; though an author and a divine, his example did not fall behind his precepts; though a courtier, he disdained to fawn on his superiors; though a patriot, he never, like our successive generations of blasted orators, sacrificed his principles to his passions. 'His meanest talent was his wit.' His learning had no pedantry, his piety no superstition; his benevolence almost no parallel. His intrepid eloquence first pointed out to his oppressed countrymen, that path to Independence, to happiness, and to glory, which their posterity, at this moment, so nobly pursue. His treatise on the conduct of their foreign allies, first taught the English nation the dangers of a continental war, dispelled their delusive dreams of conquest, and stopt them in the full career to ruin.

24

See parallel between Diogenes and Dr Johnson in Town and Country Magazine. In his life of Swift, the Doctor tells us, that 'he relieved without pity, and assisted without kindness.'

25

Idler, No. 70.

26

Preface to Shakespeare.

27

Life of Pope.

28

The following extracts from the Doctor's Dictionary are a key to his political tenets: Excise, a hateful tax levied upon commodities, and adjudged, not by the common judges of property, but wretches hired by those to whom excise is paid. Gazetteer, was lately a term of the utmost infamy, being usually applied to wretches that were hired to vindicate the court. Pension, an allowance made to any one without an equivalent. In England it is generally understood to mean pay given to a state hireling for treason to his country. Pensioner, a slave of state, hired by a stipend to obey his master. King, monarch, supreme governour. Monarch, a governour invested with absolute authority, a King. Whig, 1. whey, 2. the name of a faction. Tory, one who adheres to the antient constitution of the state, and the apostolical hierarchy of the church of England, opposed to a whig. Johnson's fol. Dic. The word faction is always used in a bad sense; though, in defining it, the Doctor did not, and, after what he had said of a whig, perhaps durst not say, that a faction is always a term for the supposed disturbers of public peace. 'The most obsequious of the slaves of pride, the most rapturous of the gazers upon wealth, the most officious of the whisperers of greatness, are collected from seminaries appropriated to the study of wisdom and of virtue;' Rambler, No. 180. That is to say, men of learning are a set of the most sneaking, pitiful, time-serving rascals. The reader will make his own applications.

29

See Political tracts by the author of the Rambler. His character of Hambden, the reader will find in the 1st page of Waller's life. Of Milton, he says, that 'his impudence had been at least equal to his other powers. Such was his malignity, that hell grew darker at his frown. He thought women born only for obedience, and men only for rebellion.' There is much more in the same tone; and, with what justice his epithets are applied, let Englishmen judge.

30

Taxation no tyranny.

31

Ibid, No. 89.

32

Idler, No. 85.

33

Tour, p. 59.

34

Tour, p. 84.

35

Idler, No. 82.

36

He should have said causes, for he mentions two. – What is the Doctor's distinction here between habit and custom?

37

Quere, Are we more accustomed to beauty than deformity? or is not the fact otherwise. – Did habit ever make a sick man fond of disease, or a poor man fond of poverty?

38

Vide Preface to folio Dict.

39

Dr Campbell of Aberdeen, on the use of new words, says, 'That nothing can be juster than Johnson's manner of arguing on this subject, in regard to what Swift a little chimerically proposeth, that though new words be introduced, none should be suffered to become obsolete.' This Gentleman ought to have consulted Swift himself. Let him peruse the 'petty treatise,' and then let him blush for having trusted an author void of fidelity.

40

As the venerable and admirable father of the English Dictionary has treated the names of such men as Young and Lyttleton with so little ceremony, the reader will perhaps forgive the insertion of his own character, as drawn by Chesterfield. 'I am almost in a fever, whenever I am in his company. His figure (without being deformed) seems made to disgrace or ridicule the common structure of the human body. His legs and arms are never in the position, which, according to the situation of his body, they ought to be in; but constantly employed in committing acts of hostility upon the graces. He throws any where but down his throat, whatever he means to drink; and only mangles what he means to carve. Inattentive to all the regards of social life, he mistimes, or misplaces every thing. He disputes with heat, and indiscriminately, mindless of the rank, character, and situation, of those with whom he disputes; absolutely ignorant of the several gradations of familiarity or respect, he is exactly the same to his superiors, his equals, and his inferiors; and therefore by a necessary consequence absurd to two of the three. Is it possible to love such a man? No. The utmost I can do for him, is to consider him as a respectable Hottentot.' Churchill's account of our hero comes nearly to the same. And I presume that the inimitable Dr Smollet, has exhibited a third picture of this illustrious original in Humphry Clinker, Vol. 1. – Dr Johnson's letter to the Earl of Chesterfield concludes in these words: 'Whatever be the event of my endeavours, I shall not easily regret an attempt which has procured me the honour of appearing thus publicly, my Lord, your Lordship's most obedient, and most humble servant, Sam. Johnson.' These extracts afford a striking contrast between the severity of the polite peer, and the humble politeness (for once) of the rugged pedant.

41

Lives of English poets, vol. iii. p. 243 and 284. 12mo edit.

42

Vide Life of Dryden.

43

Vid. Dict. article Blood.

44

Excogitation, this combination of letters is to be found in the Doctor's works, though not in his Dictionary.

45

Rasselas, chap. vi.

46

He meant to say there.

47

Tour, p. 16. and 18. &c.

48

Tour, p. 186.

49

Ibid, p. 21.

50

Rambler, No. 79.

51

Tour, p. 369 &c.

52

Tour, p. 373.

53

Ibid, p. 55.

54

Vid. folio Dictionary.

55

Tour, p. 242.

56

Butler's life.

57

Rambler, No. 59.

58

Ibid.

59

Vid. Plutarch.

60

Tour, p. 283.

61

Tour, p. 124.

62

Ibid, p. 154.

63

The Doctor ought to have said, 'For these reasons,' as he mentions several.

64

Pope's life.

65

He should have said, no poet; for that was his meaning, if he had any. No writer, includes prose as well as verse; and this sample may give us a fair idea of the Doctor's accuracy in point of style.

66

Life of Pope.

67

Ibid.

68

Gray's life.

69

Gray's life.

70

Gentleman's Magazine, Vol. XVII.

71

Gray's life.

72

Ibid.

73

Ibid.

74

Edinburgh Review, Vol. III. P. 55. et seq.

75

Gray's life.

76

Ibid.

77

Ibid.

78

Life of Pope.

79

Gray's life.

80

Ibid.

81

Gray's life.

82

Ibid.

83

Pastor cum traheret per freta navibus, &c.

84

Gray's life. Dr. Beattie of Aberdeen differs very widely from Dr. Johnson on the merit of this poem. He says, 'I have heard the finest Ode in the world (meaning Gray's Bard) blamed for the boldness of its figures, and for what the critic was pleased to call obscurity.' Beattie's Essays on poetry and musick, 3d edit. p. 269. This is, certainly very strong; yet he seems in some danger of contradicting himself, when he says in another place, That 'for energy of words, vivacity of description, and apposite variety of numbers, Dryden's Feast of Alexander is superior to any ode of Horace or Pindar now extant.' Ibid, p. 17. One would have been apt to suppose that the Lyrick Poem which eclipsed Horace, if not the finest, is at least one of 'the finest in the world.' – But an author has novelty to recommend him, when he affirms that Gray is superior to Dryden, and Dryden to all Antiquity.

85

Gray's life.

86

Ibid.

87

Ibid.

88

Gray's life.

89

Gray's life.

90

A favourite phrase of the Rambler's.

91

Gray's life.

92

Ibid.

93

Taxation no Tyranny.

94

Taxation no Tyranny.

95

Dryden's life.

96

Ibid.

97

Rambler, No. 150.

98

Rambler, No. 9.

99

Vide the life of Garrick by Mr Davies.

100

Rambler, No. 160.

101

Ibid.

102

Churchill's Apology.

103

Vide Life of Cowley. His impressions had been very slight, for Crowley has nothing of the melody, or magnificence of the Fairy Queen. Of its great author we know little but that he was praised, and neglected, unfortunate, and poor: and, from his epitaph, that he died young. His subject is not happy, his words are often obsolete, and his stanza can hardly please us long. But we may presume that he wanted leisure to study the great models of antiquity: That he wanted that tranquillity of mind so requisite to the success of a poet: And that his defects are owing to the bad taste of his age, and the hardships of his life. Had he lived longer, and had he enjoyed that competence which a prudent shoeblack seldom fails to enjoy, Spenser would have been second in fame to Shakespeare only.

104

Dr Johnson on Cymbeline. The same sentiment is started in his account of Pope, 'To the particular species of excellence men are directed, not by an ascendant planet, or predominant humour, but by the first book which they read, some early conversation which they heard, or some accident which excited ardour and emulation.' – The Doctor is in this passage censuring Pope's ignorance of human nature – while his own marvellous and extreme stupidity makes him almost beneath censure. The reader will not realize Montesquieu's remark, That when we attempt to prove things so evident we are sure never to convince.

105

Annual Register 1779, Part II. p. 148. I abridge his words, but give their full meaning.

106

Life of Waller.

107

Life of Rowe.

108

Life of Milton.

109

Life of Swift.

110

Preface to Shakespeare.

111

Ibid.

112

Preface to Shakespeare.

113

'He has scenes of undoubted and perpetual excellence.' Ibid. Is there not some inconsistency in these various assertions.

114

See in the same style his observations on Prior, Akenside, and others.

115

Quere. Did ever Shakespeare, or any other man, compose a single page, or even a single line, on any subject, without either straining his faculties, or at least soliciting his invention. It is very possible that the Doctor did not suspect the full extent of his expression.

116

Vide Dictionary.

117

Life of Pope.

118

Ibid.

119

Pope's life.

120

Eloisa, Letter 83.

121

Pope's life.

122

Preface to Shakespeare.

123

Pope's life.

124

Ibid.

125

Rambler, No. 36.

126

Ibid.

127

Thomson's life.

128

The author has no intention here to disseminate political opinions – His only meaning is to prove, that somebody has neither principle, nor consistency, nor shame.

129

Life of Shenstone.

130

Gentleman's Magazine.

131

Vide life of Milton.

132

Life of Smith.

133

Tour, p. 8, 12mo edit.

134

The Crucifix – Gulliver's Travels.

135

'And read their history in a nation's eyes.' Gray's Elegy.

136

On this subject nothing liberal could be expected from Dr Johnson, who, in spite of his murmurs about Excise, and his actual benevolence in private life, has always been the firm advocate of oppression. His project of hiring the Cherokees to massacre the North Americans (vide supra p. 32) may serve to inform us what he himself would have done, had he been seated in the saddle of authority. But what shall be said for some Scottish historians who have adopted the same ideas? One of them tells us, that Beaton had prepared a list of three hundred and sixty of the leaders of the Protestant party, whose lives and fortunes were to be sacrificed to the rapacity and the pride of this ambitious prelate. Yet he pronounces the killing of such a dangerous monster to be a most execrable deed. He dwells with studied exultation on the execution of Charles I. but if our King really deserved his fate, Was not Beaton by many degrees more criminal? An author can hardly spend his time worse, than in writing to flatter the prejudices, and to corrupt the common sense of the world.

137

Preface to Shakespeare.

138

Quere. What is unquenchable curiosity? and how can a play excite curiosity which cannot be satisfied by its conclusion?

139

Preface to Shakespeare.

140

Ibid.

141

Weekly Mirror, No. 12.

142

Monthly Review, on Dr Graham's Pindaricks.

143

Dr Johnson's life of Pope.

144

Vide Terence and the Careless Husband.

145

Vide Dr Johnson's life of Shenstone.

146

Vide Preface to Dr Johnson's octavo Dictionary, 4th edition.

147

Vide Measure for measure.

148

Vide Dictionary.

149

Optics, P. 349.

150

Chem. I. P. 399. 614.

151

Preface to Folio Dictionary.

152

Perhaps he means, in defining Thunder, Plum porridge, the particle But, &c.

153

Letter to the Earl of Chesterfield.

154

Preface to folio dictionary.

155

Ibid.

156