The light of my future

«The car is already waiting. Can you get there? Are you strong enough?» The doctor addressed him.

«Uh-huh…» Sung Joon breathed out as he struggled to his feet.

I held him by the elbow and helped him finally get into a stable position, after which I led him to the elevator, which took us down to the underground parking.

«Hold on to me,» I suggested, still holding on to his elbow. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and I could feel how weak he was right now.

Not without difficulty, we got to the car, where the door of the minibus was already open for us. I helped Sung Joon into the seat and, despite his feeble attempts to protest, buckled him in with my seat belt, then took my usual seat, keeping my charge in sight.

«Stop staring at me. Burn a hole in me.» He spoke to me in a weak voice.

«Do you want water?» I asked and fussily began to search in my bag for a bottle of water that had been started. I opened the bottle and handed it to Sung Joon. He accepted the bottle and inspected its contents warily, and I could tell from his expression that he was dissatisfied with the fact that they had already drunk from it. «Seriously? Even in this situation, are you squeamish?»

«Only you drank it?» He asked warily.

«Yes, just me. I opened it in the evening and took a couple of sips. I bought it from the machine. Jin-young, do you have any disposable cups?» I turned to the driver, frantically trying to find a way out of this situation.

«Yes, I’ll give it to you now,» the young man began to rustle and after a moment handed me several glasses, while we stopped at a traffic light.

I thanked him, then poured water into glasses, one of which I handed to Sung Joon, and the other I kept for myself and hurried to drain it. Sung Joon waited until I had a drink, after which he himself began to drink water in careful sips.

«How do you feel?» After a long silence, I asked.

«It’s better. You have nothing to worry about. It’s normal.» He exhaled wearily.

«We arrived.» Jin-young announced as he braked smoothly in front of the hospital building.

I got to my feet, after which I helped Sung Joon get out of the car and realized that we had stopped not at the main entrance, but at the service one, where they were already waiting for us. The doctors acted so harmoniously, as if this was not the first time, in addition, Sung Joon was absolutely calm.

Me and Jin-young were left waiting in the room reserved for Sung Joon while he himself was being examined.

«We need to tell the manager,» I reasoned out loud, looking out the window at the city shining with various lights, after which I took my work phone and started typing a message to Min Hyuk, when suddenly someone snatched my smartphone from me.

«No need to tell anyone!» Sung Joon told me, after which he went to the hospital bed and carefully lay down on it.

«I have to report that…»

«Min Hee, just go home. Jin-young, take her home.» Sung Joon spoke indistinctly as if he had no strength left at all.

«No. I’m not going. I’ll stay with you,» I protested and left the room to talk to the doctor, who was just on his way to Sung Joon’s. After greeting him, I asked him to give me a short conclusion regarding Sung Joon’s condition.

I listened attentively to the doctor and felt how with every word he said I was getting more and more angry, and when I received all the information, the doctor and I entered Sung Joon’s room, who was lying with his eyes fixed on the ceiling.

«Mr. Sung Joon,» the doctor addressed him and my ward carefully sat down, «now you will be put on a drip.» After these words, a nurse suddenly appeared, hiding her eyes from our superstar, as if on automatic mode, stuck a needle into a vein on his arm and hurried away. «As soon as the solution is over, you can go home.»

«Thank you,» Sung Joon thanked, after which he returned his head to the small pillow.

I saw the doctor off and went back to the room to sit in the leather chair from which I could look at Sung Joon.

He lifted his head slightly, obviously noticing my gaze.

«Something you want to say?» He exhaled wearily.

«I’m struggling to contain my anger and rage, realizing that now there will be no sense from the fact that I will tell you everything I think.» I answered, nervously tapping my foot on the floor surface.

«And what do you think?» He asked, looking at me point-blank with a look full of sincere interest.

«I’m angry. You lied to me. Yesterday you had a busy day, and you didn’t eat anything at lunch, but only looked at me and said that you were fed on the set. Today you lied when you said that you had lunch. So you Haven’t eaten anything for two days? I summed it up in amazement.

He took a deep, slow breath and nodded his head, confirming my suspicions.

«It’s not the first time, so don’t worry about it. And don’t think that you’re in any way to blame.» He answered in a muffled and still weak voice.

«At a moment like this, you still think about me,» I chuckled sadly, feeling tired and regretting that Sung Joon had to go through this.

Our eyes met again, and I suddenly realized that I felt sympathy for this amazing young man who is trying his best to hide his good heart behind a wounded soul. The sadness in his eyes made my heart clench painfully. And it seems that right now I’m starting to get to know the real Sung Joon. And I was afraid that he was hiding his wounds, the depth of which, it seemed, could not be measured.

I knew I should look away, but I couldn’t control myself until I got a text from Alex on my phone. I blinked in confusion and took out my personal smartphone from the pocket of my denim jacket. A friend wrote that he was preparing a surprise for me, and very soon I will hear from him about this. I couldn’t help but smile and quickly typed out a reply saying that I was looking forward to hearing from him about it.

«Did something good happen?» Sung Joon suggested in a suspicious tone.

«Nothing special. Best friend made himself known,» I replied, returning the phone to its place.

«Are you close to him?» He asked, covering his eyes.

«We have been friends for almost twenty years. My mother and I lived in his parents’ house in America when I was three.»

«And the father?» Sung Joon continued his interrogation, lying with his eyes closed.

«I don’t remember him. And I know absolutely nothing about him,» I replied, looking at my fingernails, which were about to be repainted and shaped. Due to work, I abandoned myself a little and did not care about my appearance.

«There was no desire to find him?» Sung Joon asked with sincere interest.

«There was a desire. And there is. But I can’t do it. My mother told me as a child that this topic is forbidden. There are no photographs or records about him. I don’t even know his name. Only my Russian name is Alina,» I shared my thoughts with him, and when I came to my senses, I noticed that Sung Joon was looking at me sympathetically. «I’ll call Jin-young. I’ll ask him to come back,» I said to hide my awkwardness, and then got to my feet and went to the table that was located next to Sung Joon to take my work phone from it. But Sung Joon gently grabbed my hand halfway to the smartphone.

«Don’t call him. I’m not going home today.» Sung Joon smiled weakly.

«Do you want to stay in the hospital?» I asked in surprise, stepping back a step, carefully disengaging myself from his soft grip.

«No. I just want to be somewhere, but not at home, at work or here.»

«I can’t leave you. You understand?» I asked, continuing to stare at him.

«So you’ll have to spend the night with me,» he replied in a tone that brought a blush to my cheeks.

«These are the inconveniences caused by fair skin,» Sung Joon laughed, «your embarrassment showed on your face right away. I’ll help you with the move. Let’s not disrupt plans because of a small misunderstanding,» he explained his words about this we will spend the night together.

«Because of a little misunderstanding?» I asked indignantly, «You passed out from exhaustion!»

«Just forget it. The drip is over. We can go,» he stated as he removed the needle from his vein, then got to his feet, bending his arm at the elbow.

I got my things and followed him to the reception desk.

«Do you have your bank card with you?» Sung Joon turned to me, and I blinked in confusion, after which I began to look for a wallet in my bag. And after finding a map in it, I handed it to Sung Joon. A moment later, I received a notification about the withdrawal of funds.

«What? Two and a half million won?» I asked shocked.

«I’ll get everything back. I don’t want the company card to glow here. Because Min Hyuk will get a notification right away.»

«We must inform him of what happened…»

«We don’t owe anything to anyone,» Sung Joon interrupted me irritably in the middle of a sentence, adjusting the medical mask on his face. «Let’s go. We need to get to your new house,» he announced and handed me the map, put on the hood of his sweatshirt and led us towards the service exit, where, surprisingly, Jin-young was waiting for us.

«Song Joon!» He yelled out happily as he left the driver’s seat to open the door for us. «I didn’t leave because I found out they were going to let you go home.»

«Good. You did well,» Sung Joon praised him and, on the way to his seat, patted his assistant on the shoulder, «Let’s go home,» Sung Joon announced to Jin-young, but at the same time he was staring at me point-blank.

This never-ending day will not soon come to an end, but concern for Sung Joon overcame my fatigue and anger.

CHAPTER 6

«Thought you’d have more stuff,» Sung Joon chuckled as he placed one of the two boxes of my stuff on the small coffee table in the living room of my bright and airy two-room studio.

«Didn’t think you were thinking stereotyped,» I replied as I walked out of the bedroom, where I had finished hanging my things in the dressing room a minute earlier.

«None of these templates work exactly for you,» he grinned, leaning his shoulder against the wall and looking at me point-blank with an exhausted look.

«You should go home. And please eat something,» I pleaded with Sung Joon.

«Only if you keep me company,» he replied in a playful tone, and pushing off the wall took a few steps in my direction. Now we were separated by only a few steps.

He was taller than me and that gave him an advantage. I looked at him from the bottom up and for the umpteenth time this evening felt awkward. Sung Joon took a cautious step towards me and reached out to touch my eyelashes with his fingers. From such an unexpected gesture, I froze in place and could not take my eyes off his exhausted, but still beautiful face, which radiated sincere interest.

He ran his fingers down my cheeks and took another cautious step towards me, closing the distance between us to a minimum. I knew that our closeness was dangerous, but I wished that he would not stop, but instead gave me a forbidden kiss.

«Song Joon, you have to stop,» I barely audibly called to him in a broken voice and took a step back, hiding my eyes from him.

«I don’t want to stop. For the first time in my life, I don’t want to do this,» he said in a languid voice, stepping on me until I was back against the wall. He continued to hover over me, «but… I’ll only do this because I can’t take responsibility right now,» he stated regretfully, and after a heavy pause, he turned around to head to the living room.

«Nothing like this should ever happen again!» I screamed after him, feeling the tension caused by Sung Joon’s closeness slowly leave my body, leaving weakness and disappointment in its wake.

«I will be back in ten minutes!» He shouted to me from the hallway, after which the door closed behind him.

I was so angry at myself for not being able to resist his pressure. And with horror I realized that my sympathy for Sung Joon was growing into something more.

Realizing that my strength was not enough to sort out the remains of things, I lay down on a small double sofa, looking ahead of me with an unseeing look. In just a couple of hours, all my thoughts got confused, the landmarks went astray, and my peace of mind collapsed.

The door squeaked to announce that Sung Joon had returned, and I got up to find two paper bags in his hands.

«I’ve brought groceries. Now let’s cook dinner together,» he announced as he made his way to the kitchen.

«Why don’t you go home? Cho Hee is waiting for you.»

«He has a meeting with friends,» Sung Joon replied as he explored one kitchen cabinet after another, «hmm, your father even prepared dishes for you. But that’s not enough,» remarked my guest who didn’t seem to be leaving.

«Min Hee, would you like to help me? This will go faster,» Sung Joon called from the kitchen, after which I leisurely walked over to the countertop, where one of the two bar stools was located to sit on it. Sung Joon washed the vegetables and then handed them to me along with a cutting board and a knife, «Let’s make fried rice with vegetables, do you mind?» He turned to me, looking at me over his shoulder.

«I’ll eat whatever you cook,» I shrugged nonchalantly and started slicing carrots, «should have just ordered delivery.»

«I don’t eat food that I don’t know the origin of,» he repeated what he had once told me.

«Why?» I asked, but he left my question unanswered, and I decided not to focus on this, surrendering to the simple process of cutting vegetables.

«My obsession… because of my mother,» he replied after a long silence, «I don’t trust food that I don’t know anything about, for fear that it might be poisoned,» he said without looking at me, while continuing to fill rice cooker with raw rice, and then filled it with water.

«Are you saying that…?» With horror, I began to put forward my assumption.

«Yes, my mother fed me poisoned food,» he said quickly, hiding his grim expression from me.

«Song Joon, this is…» I couldn’t finish the sentence as there were no words that could ease his suffering.

«You don’t need to say anything. I just explained my strange actions to you.»

«I never thought that your actions were strange. Well, okay, at first, maybe I thought, but then I realized that you must have some good reason for this.» I reasoned as if I was alone in the apartment, which made Sung Joon smile weakly.

«I know that food is not dangerous for me, but I can not overcome my fear. Especially if I get this food from people I do not trust,» he continued to decipher the code, the key to which I had been trying to figure out for so long.

«Wait a minute!» I blinked in confusion and swallowed nervously, frantically searching for words, «The fact that I’m tasting food for you. Should I take that as…?»

«I trust you,» he finished the sentence for me and turned so that he could look into my eyes, «consider this my official admission that I like you. And if you think it’s impossible, then it’s bad. First of all, for you,» he confidently stated, to which I raised my eyebrows in surprise, «because I will try my best to fix it.»

«Then you’ll get yourself in a lot of trouble and break millions of hearts,» I stated with a heavy sigh.

«For the first time in my life, I care about my own heart and feelings. And I want to be selfish. I want to be with you because you make me better.»

«Perhaps you actually feel my attention that I give you as part of the work, so you feel that we are close?» I suggested, trying to contain the excitement and palpitations caused by his words.

«Do you think I can’t sort out my own feelings?» He smiled sadly, frying vegetables in a frying pan, which I successfully finished chopping, «before you, I had thirty-five assistants, each of whom entertained the hope of getting my attention, but… this whole illusion dissipated on the very first day. None of them succeeded and still can’t fill my thoughts and feelings the way you did, didn’t make any effort.»

«I can’t believe we’re talking about such serious things like this sitting in the kitchen,» I laughed nervously.

«I’m just stating the facts,» he shrugged nonchalantly.

«And what am I supposed to do with these facts now? You do understand that we can’t work together. One of the conditions was that I must not, under any circumstances, start a relationship with you.»

«Only with me?» He asked, raising his eyebrows in surprise, but trying unsuccessfully to suppress a smile. «What a pity! It looks like your father will suffer losses when the truth comes out,» he laughed, but I didn’t appreciate his sarcasm, «let’s not quarrel before meals. Better look for glasses for the mineral water that is in your refrigerator.»

I obediently carried out his order, pouring water into glasses while Sung Joon placed a plate of fried rice, a plate of vegetable cuts, and pickled radish kimchi in front of me.

«Thanks for the food!» I sincerely thanked, trying to ignore the fact that Sung Joon was sitting next to me, but at the same time I glanced at him from time to time to make sure that he was really eating.

«You can relax. Today I’m going to enjoy my meal with you,» he chuckled as he caught another quick glance at me.

«You should have let me have lunch with you,» I told him regretfully, realizing that we could have avoided our trip to the hospital.

«We’re having dinner instead,» he remarked gleefully, popping a spoon full of rice into his mouth, «so take it easy. Tomorrow we’ll have a long day.»

«I’m not taking you with me,» I announced decisively and shook my head. «You will go to work according to your schedule. The doctor said that you need to get a good rest.»

«I rest when I am near you,» he said without a hint of embarrassment.

«Song Joon,» I called out to him, putting the spoon aside, «why do I get the feeling that you see me as a lifeline?»

«To a certain extent it is. You save me from loneliness. I think when you understand what makes your heart flutter, you can admit your feelings for me,» he shrugged and continued to eat.

«Hmm, how presumptuous!! I snorted contemptuously and took a sip from my glass of water to hide my awkwardness.

«Well, I think it’s time for me to go home. Are you sure you won’t be afraid to stay here alone tonight?» He asked, peering intently into my already glowing face.

«I’m often alone. My parents are on business trips most of the time. So just go home,» I pleaded, getting to my feet to walk him to the door.

The ease with which he spoke about his feelings unsettled me, and I did not quite understand how I should react to this, but I knew that I could not afford to succumb to Sung Joon’s love provocations in any way.

***

The next morning, I found Sung Joon’s housekeeper Ms. Jung Eun in my kitchen, arranging new dishes in my kitchen cabinets.

«Miss Min Hee, I’m sorry for barging in like that without warning, but Mr. Sung Joon insisted that I deliver everything to you immediately,» a middle-aged woman with a sweet smile and dark hair tied in a high, tight bun apologized to me. There was not an ounce of makeup on her face. At the same time, her skin was perfectly even and had a bronze tint. Her miniature figure now and then flickered with various items of utensils in her hands, placing them in their places in the cabinets even at the moment when she spoke to me.

«I understand. Thank you,» I smiled wanly, feeling tired despite having slept for almost six hours.

«Miss Min Hee!» Ms. Jung Eun called me and I stopped half way back to my bedroom, «Mr. Sung Joon sent you food,» she pointed towards the refrigerator.

I slowly walked over to the refrigerator to look inside and found several containers of various sizes filled with edible contents.

«Thank you,» I replied in shock, feeling slightly dizzy at what was happening.

It looks like Sung Joon has seriously decided to violate my personal boundaries. I need to change the code for the apartment.

I got to work on the subway and walked into Sung Joon’s manager’s office, unable to contain the flow of thoughts that brought me back to the events of the previous evening. Sung Joon’s hunger swoon is not something I could understand and accept so easily. His eating disorder was due to trauma, and it was terrible. It was utterly unfair to him. And I sincerely wanted to help him overcome his painful memories, but will he allow me to do this? And will it solve the problem with his contract? And what will I do if his feelings, about which he spoke to me yesterday, are not an empty phrase?

«What are you thinking about?» I shuddered at the piercing, velvety voice of Sung Joon, who carefully sat down on a nearby chair, handing me a glass of warm tea. «I know that you are not a coffee drinker.»

«Thank you,» I replied, trying not to look at my charge any longer than necessary, as his presence embarrassed me.

«Did you have breakfast?» He asked in a businesslike tone, continuing to stare at me inquisitively.

«What about you?» I answered a question with a question and plucked up the courage to look at him in response. Sung Joon nodded his head in the affirmative and drank from his glass, it seems, coffee. «You shouldn’t have bothered Miss Jung Eun.»

«I asked her for a favor. It was the first time. And she seemed to be delighted,» he smiled and winked playfully at me.

«Thanks. But that’s not necessary anymore. I don’t need your tutelage,» I said, but it actually sounded like I was trying to convince myself of this, not him.

«I just decided to thank you in this way for yesterday. Besides, I understood well that you drew a line in our relationship, so I’m not going to cross it, so as not to put you in an awkward position,» he said conciliatoryly, and I felt ashamed that I admitted that his words caused me disappointment. «Let’s get to work? I have to go to the studio in three hours,» he smiled, peering into the first box he saw.

We looked at all the gifts together and even took a photo to share with fans of Sung Joon carefully examining the gifts received, after which we went down to the dining room for lunch, and then Sung Joon went to work in the studio, and I returned to the letters. When the task was almost completely completed, Min Hyuk entered the office.

«Min Hee, you did great! To be honest, I wasn’t sure if you’d make it on time. You’re doing well. And Sung Joon is pleased with his assistant for the first time. What can be compared to a real miracle,» he continued to praise me on the way to the work chair, and I rose to my feet and looked at him guiltily.

«It’s not like that,» I answered stifledly, and swallowed nervously. «Mr. Min Hyuk, I have something to tell you,» I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling extremely embarrassed and guilty. It all happened because of my negligence.

«What’s wrong, Min Hee?» He was instantly alert.

«It’s about Sung Joon,» I replied in a barely audible voice, «he was admitted to the hospital last night.»

«What are you saying?» He exclaimed angrily and frowned, scorching me with his brown eyes.

I plucked up the courage to tell him everything that had happened yesterday, knowing that I was doing the right thing no matter what.

«You should have reported this to us right away! If anyone saw you, Sung Joon would get into a scandal! Do you realize how imprudent you were?» I nodded my head guiltily, hiding my eyes, but at the same time I fought with myself, as I was outraged that the possibility of Sung Joon appearing on the news worried the general manager more than the health of the agency’s leading artist. «You think that your father is the owner of the agency, so you can be negligent in your duties?»

«Do you think I’m waiting for your indulgence?» I could not contain the fit of rage, «if I did not feel guilty, I would not tell you anything. So please do as you always do in such cases. I will accept any punishment that is provided for in our contract. I followed all your instructions regarding fan gifts and wrote everything on the sheet. The same list is available electronically in your mail. With your permission…» I bowed to him and hurried to leave the office, holding back tears with all my might, although I understood that this whole situation was not worth my worries.

I did not expect that everything would take such a turn. Feeling offended (which was not typical of me) and tears coming to my eyes, I hurried to a cozy balcony, the exit to which was only accessible through the meeting room located on the fifteenth floor, hiding my burning face behind my hair and trying not to look at someone who might get in my way.