The Works of Aphra Behn

‘Suppose this true, how could this Mortal part about her Advantage you, (said Katteriena) all that you can expect from this Discovery, (if she should be content to hear it, and to return you pity) would be, to make her wretched, like your self? What farther can you hope?’ ‘Oh! talk not, (replied Henault) of so much Happiness! I do not expect to be so blest, that she should pity me, or love to a degree of Inquietude; ’tis sufficient, for the ease of my Heart, that she know its Pains, and what it suffers for her; that she would give my Eyes leave to gaze upon her, and my Heart to vent a Sigh now and then; and, when I dare, to give me leave to speak, and tell her of my Passion; This, this, is all, my Sister.’ And, at that word, the Tears glided down his Cheeks, and he declin’d his Eyes, and set a Look so charming, and so sad, that Isabella, whose Eyes were fix’d upon him, was a thousand times ready to throw her self into the Room, and to have made a Confession, how sensible she was of all she had heard and seen: But, with much ado, she contain’d and satisfy’d her self, with knowing, that she was ador’d by him whom she ador’d, and, with Prudence that is natural to her, she withdrew, and waited with patience the event of their Discourse. She impatiently long’d to know, how Katteriena would manage this Secret her Brother had given her, and was pleas’d, that the Friendship and Prudence of that Maid had conceal’d her Passion from her Brother; and now contented and joyful beyond imagination, to find her self belov’d, she knew she could dissemble her own Passion and make him the first Aggressor; the first that lov’d, or at least, that should seem to do so. This Thought restores her so great a part of her Peace of Mind, that she resolv’d to see him, and to dissemble with Katteriena so far, as to make her believe, she had subdu’d that Passion, she was really asham’d to own; she now, with her Woman’s Skill, begins to practise an Art she never before understood, and has recourse to Cunning, and resolves to seem to reassume her former Repose: But hearing Katteriena approach, she laid her self again on her Bed, where she had left her, but compos’d her Face to more chearfulness, and put on a Resolution that indeed deceiv’d the Sister, who was extreamly pleased, she said, to see her look so well: When Isabella reply’d, ‘Yes, I am another Woman now; I hope Heaven has heard, and granted, my long and humble Supplications, and driven from my Heart this tormenting God, that has so long disturb’d my purer Thoughts.’ ‘And are you sure, (said Dame Katteriena) that this wanton Deity is repell’d by the noble force of your Resolutions? Is he never to return?’ ‘No, (replied Isabella) never to my Heart.’ ‘Yes, (said Katteriena) if you should see the lovely Murderer of your Repose, your Wound would bleed anew.’ At this, Isabella smiling with a little Disdain, reply’d, ‘Because you once to love, and Henault’s Charms defenceless found me, ah! do you think I have no Fortitude? But so in Fondness lost, remiss in Virtue, that when I have resolv’d, (and see it necessary for my after-Quiet) to want the power of keeping that Resolution? No, scorn me, and despise me then, as lost to all the Glories of my Sex, and all that Nicety I’ve hitherto preserv’d.’ There needed no more from a Maid of Isabella’s Integrity and Reputation, to convince any one of the Sincerity of what she said, since, in the whole course of her Life, she never could be charg’d with an Untruth, or an Equivocation; and Katteriena assur’d her, she believ’d her, and was infinitely glad she had vanquish’d a Passion, that would have prov’d destructive to her Repose: Isabella reply’d, She had not altogether vanquish’d her Passion, she did not boast of so absolute a power over her soft Nature, but had resolv’d things great, and Time would work the Cure; that she hop’d, Katteriena would make such Excuses to her Brother, for her not appearing at the Grate so gay and entertaining as she us’d, and, by a little absence, she should retrieve the Liberty she had lost: But she desir’d, such Excuses might be made for her, that young Henault might not perceive the Reason. At the naming him, she had much ado not to shew some Concern extraordinary, and Katteriena assur’d her, She had now a very good Excuse to keep from the Grate, when he was at it; ‘For, (said she) now you have resolv’d, I may tell you, he is dying for you, raving in Love, and has this day made me promise to him, to give you some account of his Passion, and to make you sensible of his Languishment: I had not told you this, (reply’d Katteriena) but that I believe you fortify’d with brave Resolution and Virtue, and that this knowledge will rather put you more upon your Guard, than you were before.’ While she spoke, she fixed her Eyes on Isabella, to see what alteration it would make in her Heart and Looks; but the Master-piece of this young Maid’s Art was shewn in this minute, for she commanded her self so well, that her very Looks dissembled and shew’d no concern at a Relation, that made her Soul dance with Joy; but it was, what she was prepar’d for, or else I question her Fortitude. But, with a Calmness, which absolutely subdu’d Katteriena, she reply’d, ‘I am almost glad he has confess’d a Passion for me, and you shall confess to him, you told me of it, and that I absent my self from the Grate, on purpose to avoid the sight of a Man, who durst love me, and confess it; and I assure you, my dear Sister! (continued she, dissembling) You could not have advanc’d my Cure by a more effectual way, than telling me of his Presumption.’ At that word, Katteriena joyfully related to her all that had pass’d between young Henault and her self, and how he implor’d her Aid in this Amour; at the end of which Relation, Isabella smil’d, and carelesly reply’d, ‘I pity him’: And so going to their Devotion, they had no more Discourse of the Lover.

In the mean time, young Henault was a little satisfy’d, to know, his Sister would discover his Passion to the lovely Isabella; and though he dreaded the return, he was pleas’d that she should know, she had a Lover that ador’d her, though even without hope; for though the thought of possessing Isabella, was the most ravishing that could be; yet he had a dread upon him, when he thought of it, for he could not hope to accomplish that, without Sacrilege; and he was a young Man, very Devout, and even bigotted in Religion; and would often question and debate within himself, that, if it were possible, he should come to be belov’d by this Fair Creature, and that it were possible for her, to grant all that Youth in Love could require, whether he should receive the Blessing offer’d? And though he ador’d the Maid, whether he should not abhor the Nun in his Embraces? ’Twas an undetermin’d Thought, that chill’d his Fire as often as it approach’d; but he had too many that rekindled it again with the greater Flame and Ardor.

His impatience to know, what Success Katteriena had, with the Relation she was to make to Isabella in his behalf, brought him early to Iper the next day. He came again to the private Grate, where his Sister receiving him, and finding him, with a sad and dejected Look, expect what she had to say; she told him, That Look well became the News she had for him, it being such, as ought to make him, both Griev’d, and Penitent; for, to obey him, she had so absolutely displeas’d Isabella, that she was resolv’d never to believe her her Friend more, ‘Or to see you, (said she) therefore, as you have made me commit a Crime against my Conscience, against my Order, against my Friendship, and against my Honour, you ought to do some brave thing; take some noble Resolution, worthy of your Courage, to redeem all; for your Repose, I promis’d, I would let Isabella know you lov’d, and, for the mitigation of my Crime, you ought to let me tell her, you have surmounted your Passion, as the last Remedy of Life and Fame.’

At these her last words, the Tears gush’d from his Eyes, and he was able only, a good while, to sigh; at last, cry’d, ‘What! see her no more! see the Charming Isabella no more!’ And then vented the Grief of his Soul in so passionate a manner, as his Sister had all the Compassion imaginable for him, but thought it great Sin and Indiscretion to cherish his Flame: So that, after a while, having heard her Counsel, he reply’d, ‘And is this all, my Sister, you will do to save a Brother?’ ‘All! (reply’d she) I would not be the occasion of making a NUN violate her Vow, to save a Brother’s Life, no, nor my own; assure your self of this, and take it as my last Resolution: Therefore, if you will be content with the Friendship of this young Lady, and so behave your self, that we may find no longer the Lover in the Friend, we shall reassume our former Conversation, and live with you, as we ought; otherwise, your Presence will continually banish her from the Grate, and, in time, make both her you love, and your self, a Town Discourse.’

Much more to this purpose she said, to dissuade him, and bid him retire, and keep himself from thence, till he could resolve to visit them without a Crime; and she protested, if he did not do this, and master his foolish Passion, she would let her Father understand his Conduct, who was a Man of temper so very precise, that should he believe, his Son should have a thought of Love to a Virgin vow’d to Heaven, he would abandon him to Shame, and eternal Poverty, by disinheriting him of all he could: Therefore, she said, he ought to lay all this to his Heart, and weigh it with his unheedy Passion. While the Sister talk’d thus wisely, Henault was not without his Thoughts, but consider’d as she spoke, but did not consider in the right place; he was not considering, how to please a Father, and save an Estate, but how to manage the matter so, to establish himself, as he was before with Isabella; for he imagin’d, since already she knew his Passion, and that if after that she would be prevail’d with to see him, he might, some lucky Minute or other, have the pleasure of speaking for himself, at least, he should again see and talk to her, which was a joyful Thought in the midst of so many dreadful ones: And, as if he had known what pass’d in Isabella’s Heart, he, by a strange sympathy, took the same measures to deceive Katteriena, a well-meaning young Lady, and easily impos’d on from her own Innocence, he resolv’d to dissemble Patience, since he must have that Virtue, and own’d, his Sister’s Reasons were just, and ought to be persu’d; that she had argu’d him into half his Peace, and that he would endeavour to recover the rest; that Youth ought to be pardon’d a thousand Failings, and Years would reduce him to a condition of laughing at his Follies of Youth, but that grave Direction was not yet arriv’d: And so desiring, she would pray for his Conversion, and that she would recommend him to the Devotions of the Fair Isabella, he took his leave, and came no more to the Nunnery in ten Days; in all which time, none but Impatient Lovers can guess, what Pain and Languishments Isabella suffer’d, not knowing the Cause of his Absence, nor daring to enquire; but she bore it out so admirably, that Dame Katteriena never so much as suspected she had any Thoughts of that nature that perplex’d her, and now believ’d indeed she had conquer’d all her Uneasiness: And one day, when Isabella and she were alone together, she ask’d that fair Dissembler, if she did not admire at the Conduct and Resolution of her Brother? ‘Why!’ (reply’d Isabella unconcernedly, while her Heart was fainting within, for fear of ill News:) With that, Katteriena told her the last Discourse she had with her Brother, and how at last she had persuaded him (for her sake) to quit his Passion; and that he had promis’d, he would endeavour to surmount it; and that, that was the reason he was absent now, and they were to see him no more, till he had made a Conquest over himself. You may assure your self, this News was not so welcom to Isabella, as Katteriena imagin’d; yet still she dissembled, with a force, beyond what the most cunning Practitioner could have shewn, and carry’d her self before People, as if no Pressures had lain upon her Heart; but when alone retir’d, in order to her Devotion, she would vent her Griefs in the most deplorable manner, that a distress’d distracted Maid could do, and which, in spite of all her severe Penances, she found no abatement of.

At last Henault came again to the Monastery, and, with a Look as gay as he could possibly assume, he saw his Sister, and told her, He had gain’d an absolute Victory over his Heart; and desir’d, he might see Isabella, only to convince, both her, and Katteriena, that he was no longer a Lover of that fair Creature, that had so lately charm’d him; that he had set Five thousand Pounds a Year, against a fruitless Passion, and found the solid Gold much the heavier in the Scale: And he smil’d, and talk’d the whole Day of indifferent things, with his Sister, and ask’d no more for Isabella; nor did Isabella look, or ask, after him, but in her Heart. Two Months pass’d in this Indifference, till it was taken notice of, that Sister Isabella came not to the Grate, when Henault was there, as she us’d to do; this being spoken to Dame Katteriena, she told it to Isabella, and said, ‘The NUNS would believe, there was some Cause for her Absence, if she did not appear again’: That if she could trust her Heart, she was sure she could trust her Brother, for he thought no more of her, she was confident; this, in lieu of pleasing, was a Dagger to the Heart of Isabella, who thought it time to retrieve the flying Lover, and therefore told Katteriena, She would the next Day entertain at the Low Grate, as she was wont to do, and accordingly, as soon as any People of Quality came, she appear’d there, where she had not been two Minutes, but she saw the lovely Henault, and it was well for both, that People were in the Room, they had else both sufficiently discover’d their Inclinations, or rather their not to be conceal’d Passions; after the General Conversation was over, by the going away of the Gentlemen that were at the Grate, Katteriena being employ’d elsewhere, Isabella was at last left alone with Henault; but who can guess the Confusion of these two Lovers, who wish’d, yet fear’d, to know each others Thoughts? She trembling with a dismal Apprehension, that he lov’d no more; and he almost dying with fear, she should Reproach or Upbraid him with his Presumption; so that both being possess’d with equal Sentiments of Love, Fear, and Shame, they both stood fix’d with dejected Looks and Hearts, that heav’d with stifled Sighs. At last, Isabella, the softer and tender-hearted of the two, tho’ not the most a Lover perhaps, not being able to contain her Love any longer within the bounds of Dissimulation or Discretion, being by Nature innocent, burst out into Tears, and all fainting with pressing Thoughts within, she fell languishly into a Chair that stood there, while the distracted Henault, who could not come to her Assistance, and finding Marks of Love, rather than Anger or Disdain, in that Confusion of Isabella’s, throwing himself on his Knees at the Grate, implor’d her to behold him, to hear him, and to pardon him, who dy’d every moment for her, and who ador’d her with a violent Ardor; but yet, with such an one, as should (tho’ he perish’d with it) be conformable to her Commands; and as he spoke, the Tears stream’d down his dying Eyes, that beheld her with all the tender Regard that ever Lover was capable of; she recover’d a little, and turn’d her too beautiful Face to him, and pierc’d him with a Look, that darted a thousand Joys and Flames into his Heart, with Eyes, that told him her Heart was burning and dying for him; for which Assurances, he made Ten thousand Asseverations of his never-dying Passion, and expressing as many Raptures and Excesses of Joy, to find her Eyes and Looks confess, he was not odious to her, and that the knowledge he was her Lover, did not make her hate him: In fine, he spoke so many things all soft and moving, and so well convinc’d her of his Passion, that she at last was compell’d by a mighty force, absolutely irresistible, to speak.

‘Sir, (said she) perhaps you will wonder, where I, a Maid, brought up in the simplicity of Virtue, should learn the Confidence, not only to hear of Love from you, but to confess I am sensible of the most violent of its Pain my self; and I wonder, and am amazed at my own Daring, that I should have the Courage, rather to speak, than dye, and bury it in silence; but such is my Fate. Hurried by an unknown Force, which I have endeavoured always, in vain, to resist, I am compell’d to tell you, I love you, and have done so from the first moment I saw you; and you are the only Man born to give me Life or Death, to make me Happy or Blest; perhaps, had I not been confin’d, and, as it were, utterly forbid by my Vow, as well as my Modesty, to tell you this, I should not have been so miserable to have fallen thus low, as to have confess’d my Shame; but our Opportunities of Speaking are so few, and Letters so impossible to be sent without discovery, that perhaps this is the only time I shall ever have to speak with you alone.’ And, at that word the Tears flow’d abundantly from her Eyes, and gave Henault leave to speak. ‘Ah Madam! (said he) do not, as soon as you have rais’d me to the greatest Happiness in the World, throw me with one word beneath your Scorn, much easier ’tis to dye, and know I am lov’d, than never, never, hope to hear that blessed sound again from that beautiful Mouth: Ah, Madam! rather let me make use of this one opportunity our happy Luck has given us, and contrive how we may for ever see, and speak, to each other; let us assure one another, there are a thousand ways to escape a place so rigid, as denies us that Happiness; and denies the fairest Maid in the World, the privilege of her Creation, and the end to which she was form’d so Angelical.’ And seeing Isabella was going to speak, lest she should say something, that might dissuade from an Attempt so dangerous and wicked, he persu’d to tell her, it might be indeed the last moment Heaven would give ’em, and besought her to answer him what he implor’d, whether she would fly with him from the Monastery? At this Word, she grew pale, and started, as at some dreadful Sound, and cry’d, ‘Hah! what is’t you say? Is it possible, you should propose a thing so wicked? And can it enter into your Imagination, because I have so far forget my Virtue, and my Vow, to become a Lover, I should therefore fall to so wretched a degree of Infamy and Reprobation? No, name it to me no more, if you would see me; and if it be as you say, a Pleasure to be belov’d by me; for I will sooner dye, than yield to what.. Alas! I but too well approve!’ These last words, she spoke with a fainting Tone, and the Tears fell anew from her fair soft Eyes. ‘If it be so,’ said he, (with a Voice so languishing, it could scarce be heard) ‘If it be so, and that you are resolv’d to try, if my Love be eternal without Hope, without expectation of any other Joy, than seeing and adoring you through the Grate; I am, and must, and will be contented, and you shall see, I can prefer the Sighing to these cold Irons, that separate us, before all the Possessions of the rest of the World; that I chuse rather to lead my Life here, at this cruel Distance from you, for ever, than before the Embrace of all the Fair; and you shall see, how pleas’d I will be, to languish here; but as you see me decay, (for surely so I shall) do not triumph o’re my languid Looks, and laugh at my Pale and meager Face; but, Pitying, say, How easily I might have preserv’d that Face, those Eyes, and all that Youth and Vigour, now no more, from this total Ruine I now behold it in, and love your Slave that dyes, and will be daily and visibly dying, as long as my Eyes can gaze on that fair Object, and my Soul be fed and kept alive with her Charming Wit and Conversation; if Love can live on such Airy Food, (tho’ rich in it self, yet unfit, alone, to sustain Life) it shall be for ever dedicated to the lovely ISABELLA: But, oh! that time cannot be long! Fate will not lend her Slave many days, who loves too violently, to be satisfy’d to enjoy the fair Object of his Desires, no otherwise than at a Grate.’

He ceas’d speaking, for Sighs and Tears stopt his Voice, and he begg’d the liberty to sit down; and his Looks being quite alter’d, ISABELLA found her self touch’d to the very Soul, with a concern the most tender, that ever yielding Maid was oppress’d with: She had no power to suffer him to Languish, while she by one soft word could restore him, and being about to say a thousand things that would have been agreeable to him, she saw herself approach’d by some of the Nuns, and only had time to say, ‘If you love me, live and hope.’ The rest of the Nuns began to ask Henault of News, for he always brought them all that was Novel in the Town, and they were glad still of his Visits, above all other, for they heard, how all Amours and Intrigues pass’d in the World, by this young Cavalier. These last words of Isabella’s were a Cordial to his Soul, and he, from that, and to conceal the present Affair, endeavour’d to assume all the Gaity he could, and told ’em all he could either remember, or invent, to please ’em, tho’ he wish’d them a great way off at that time.

Thus they pass’d the day, till it was a decent hour for him to quit the Grate, and for them to draw the Curtain; all that Night did Isabella dedicate to Love, she went to Bed, with a Resolution, to think over all she had to do, and to consider, how she should manage this great Affair of her Life: I have already said, she had try’d all that was possible in Human Strength to perform, in the design of quitting a Passion so injurious to her Honour and Virtue, and found no means possible to accomplish it: She had try’d Fasting long, Praying fervently, rigid Penances and Pains, severe Disciplines, all the Mortification, almost to the destruction of Life it self, to conquer the unruly Flame; but still it burnt and rag’d but the more; so, at last, she was forc’d to permit that to conquer her, she could not conquer, and submitted to her Fate, as a thing destin’d her by Heaven it self; and after all this opposition, she fancy’d it was resisting even Divine Providence, to struggle any longer with her Heart; and this being her real Belief, she the more patiently gave way to all the Thoughts that pleas’d her.

As soon as she was laid, without discoursing (as she us’d to do) to Katteriena, after they were in Bed, she pretended to be sleepy, and turning from her, setled her self to profound Thinking, and was resolv’d to conclude the Matter, between her Heart, and her Vow of Devotion, that Night, and she, having no more to determine, might end the Affair accordingly, the first opportunity she should have to speak to Henault, which was, to fly, and marry him; or, to remain for ever fix’d to her Vow of Chastity. This was the Debate; she brings Reason on both sides: Against the first, she sets the Shame of a Violated Vow, and considers, where she shall shew her Face after such an Action; to the Vow, she argues, that she was born in Sin, and could not live without it; that she was Human, and no Angel, and that, possibly, that Sin might be as soon forgiven, as another; that since all her devout Endeavours could not defend her from the Cause, Heaven ought to execute the Effect; that as to shewing her Face, so she saw that of Henault always turned (Charming as it was) towards her with love; what had she to do with the World, or car’d to behold any other?

Some times, she thought, it would be more Brave and Pious to dye, than to break her Vow; but she soon answer’d that, as false Arguing, for Self-Murder was the worst of Sins, and in the Deadly Number. She could, after such an Action, live to repent, and, of two Evils, she ought to chuse the least; she dreads to think, since she had so great a Reputation for Virtue and Piety, both in the Monastery, and in the World, what they both would say, when she should commit an Action so contrary to both these, she posest; but, after a whole Night’s Debate, Love was strongest, and gain’d the Victory. She never went about to think, how she should escape, because she knew it would be easy, the keeping of the Key of the Monastery, [was] often intrusted in her keeping, and was, by turns, in the hands of many more, whose Virtue and Discretion was Infallible, and out of Doubt; besides, her Aunt being the Lady Abbess, she had greater privilege than the rest; so that she had no more to do, she thought, than to acquaint Henault with her Design, as soon as she should get an opportunity. Which was not quickly; but, in the mean time, Isabella’s Father dy’d, which put some little stop to our Lover’s Happiness, and gave her a short time of Grief; but Love, who, while he is new and young, can do us Miracles, soon wip’d her Eyes, and chas’d away all Sorrows from her Heart, and grew every day more and more impatient, to put her new Design in Execution, being every day more resolv’d. Her Father’s Death had remov’d one Obstacle, and secur’d her from his Reproaches; and now she only wants Opportunity, first, to acquaint Henault, and then to fly.