The diary of the Tambov Wolf

According to another version, in pre-revolutionary Russia, residents of neighboring regions called peasants of the Tambov province «Tambov wolves», who, upon completion of fieldwork, came to work in nearby cities and took on any work for a song. It is clear that such «wolves», knocking down prices, could no longer be comrades, grumbled: «Again Tambov wolves are prowling around the yards; the price is being knocked down.»

The last assumption about the origin of this saying is associated with the twenties of the last century. During the civil strife, Antonov’s peasant rebel detachments were hiding in the Tambov forests, hunted by the Red Guards. For the special style of conducting guerrilla warfare, similar to the actions of a wolf pack, Antonovites were nicknamed «Tambov wolves» by local authorities.

– I learned a little history. Your father has trained you well.

– Yes, I spent my whole childhood with him.

– Ask him if there are wolves in the Tambov forest. Maybe it is just a dog for everything. And there are no wolves.

– Of course I will ask. Not today. The night flew by not noticeably. We did not notice when morning came. The day spent in the company of a friend cheered me up and made me perceive the appearance of a wolf in my life in a different way. Michali was right. I am done hiking in the woods. Especially now, when part-time jobs have appeared at work, and my best friend has arrived from vacation.

October 31. Cold autumn. The trees have lost their foliage. Bright colors were replaced by a gray landscape, forced to put on warm clothes. A thick layer of damp foliage stuck to the shoes, slightly irritating. I was not bothered by this phenomenon. I was more concerned about the disappearance of the she-wolf. Why don’t I dream about her anymore? I cannot hear her howling. I would not confuse her howl with anything. It was like a woman crying. Not believing in the existence of wolves in the Tambov forest, and even more mysticism, I was still sure that this wolf was a woman. And of course I wanted to find the key to solving this mystery. I did not know where to start, wanting to do everything right and kind, I listened to the advice of a friend and went to my parents in the village. Largely, this trip was connected with a conversation with my father. I knew that my father would help me find the answer too many of my questions.

November 1st. Sunday frosty morning. Frost-covered grass. Quiet sound of tires, muffled engine. This time, no one met me on the porch, as in the old days. Perhaps it was due to the onset of cold weather, or old age crept up on the mother, and she could no longer stand at the porch on duty. – I have arrived! I heard from the doorway. – We thought you had forgotten about us. I have not actually come to this village since summer time.

– Mom. I got a part-time job.

– Did you abandon the forest? The father asked with bitterness in his voice.

– Of course not. I just started walking a lot less often.

– You do not think about anything but the forest. Mom blurted out.

– And you are talking about work. Father barked. I knew how to defuse a tense situation.

– I am hungry. I said loudly. The altercation is over. The father went outside. The mother ran into the kitchen. A house in the village, away from the hustle and bustle. What could be better? Especially if your parents live in this house, to whom you can always come. A delicious and hearty lunch prepared by the mother’s hands. A heated house before the heat. A simple atmosphere is exactly what takes the soul and warms with its simple and cozy warmth. A house in the village is a kind place where, it would seem, you can die of boredom when you were born and grew up in the village, but at the same time, you do not want to go back to the city, into the vanity of vanities. Every time you come to your parents and go back, during this period, a period is measured that is waning. It is as a whole epoch is measured, before arrival, and after departure. With each visit, I become more mature or even older. Anyway, I have always loved coming here.

In the evening, my father went out to smoke, I went out with him.

– What makes you think?

– I see. I see even more than you think do, it happened in the forest.

– It is just an extra workload at work.

– Wow, I was wrong. I thought you were having trouble in the woods.

– What makes you think that?

– «Work has never meant anything to you. It was more of a hobby than a job.

– So I am growing up.

– In the fortieth year of life. Made me laugh. Rather, you have a personal life.

– It ended a long time ago. Both personal life and work are incompatible. Better tell me about the Tambov wolves.

– What do you mean? Didn’t I tell you about them?

– I told you. Now, Dad, tell me about the wolves themselves. What do you know about them? The word dad hurt the elderly man, and with a sigh, he sat down on a log lying behind the house especially for personal gatherings, lighting a second cigarette. I sat down next to him.

– The wolf is a noble animal in itself. For example, when feeding a family. The concern for the offspring of wolves is pronounced. In addition to the parents, the whole flock is engaged in nursing the cubs. Feeding the kids is the main concern. These animals make every effort to ensure that the young grow up healthy, strong and adapted to the difficult life in the forest. As for the Tambov wolf, the old man paused, puffing on a cigarette, examining the clouds of smoke, he continued. – The Tambov wolf is hospitable if he considers you his friend. If, on the contrary, friendship did not work out, and the Tambov wolf turned out to be your enemy, then in the future this wolf will attack you, this is the essence of the Tambov wolf. But if the Tambov wolf has become your friend, then he will open all the doors for you, and take off his last shirt. Well, as far as I know, now there are no wolves in our Tambov forest, they have been exterminated for a long time. So, what happened to you?

– It is nothing special. A controversial issue at work. That is all.

– You have a strange question.

– Just one friend confused a wolf with a dog, and was very scared.

– It is no wonder. Such inhabitants were in our forest. A study was conducted and it was established that the «Tambov wolf» is an independent unique subspecies obtained by crossing dogs that lived near the settlements of the ancient Tambov Mordvins and wolves. Judging by the fossils, for the first time wolves appeared on the territory corresponding geographically to the Tambov region approximately 4 000 – 5 000 years ago. The oldest wolf skull found in the Tambov region is about 5,500 years old. The remains of this wolf dog aged from 5,000 to 2,500 years are often found in the northern parts of the Tambov region.

– Dad, you said that a wolf is a noble animal. But what is the nobility? My father was finishing his cigarette and looking up at the dark blue starry sky.

– Being a wolf is the ability to find your pack, define your territory, and stay in your body with full understanding of it and with pride, regardless of its perfections and limitations. This is the ability to act and speak on your own behalf, to remain vigilant and attentive, to resort to the innate forces of intuition and sensitivity, to develop with dignity and achieve maximum awareness. Did I answer your question?

– You can, so to speak. The old man’s eyes flashed slyly. Without saying anything, he waited for more questions from me. But I was already far from reality. I was hooked by the words «ancient Tambov Mordvins», and the crossing of wolves and dogs.

– There is something in it.

– In what?

– Yes, nothing. Wolves and dogs, brunettes and blondes! I sang and laughed.

– The only thing I understood from our dialogue is that a woman with a dog is to blame for your strange condition. I do not know which of them is a brunette and which is a blonde, but they scared you well.

– «You’re right. With an idiotic laugh, I said after my departing father.

– The first sleepless night in the parents’ house. I have always slept well on my favorite couch. I considered this sofa my own, because no one else slept on it except me. The moon shone through the curtains, and despite the heat in the house, I felt chills. I wanted to get up and run to the forest, to the place where she, my wolf, was waiting for me. I thought she was an owl. I was sure that no one else had seen her. Maybe it was, but I wanted to make sure of it. I have imagined her image more than once, if it were a girl, she would be cheerful, always laughing with clockwork eyes. Of course, I would like to see this girl in human form. I did not doubt for a second that this wolf was a young girl. I could tell by her beautiful, mischievous walk. I fell asleep with these sweet thoughts.

I slept more than usual. My mother did not wake me up, she still surrounded me with parental care, as if I was not forty years old, but four years old. As soon as I left the room and appeared in the kitchen, she immediately began to set the table. The breakfast was so varied and hearty, it could even be called a gala dinner. – Mom, why such abundance?

– You tell me who she is.

– Who are you talking about?

– About your wolf.

– That is what a broken phone means. There is no wolf.

– Don’t tell me if you do not want to. Eat, eat. The mother went into the room. I realized that she was offended.

– That is what it means to eavesdrop on other people’s conversations. I thought, finishing a pancake with sour cream. After a delicious breakfast, I left quickly, without listening to lectures, and without letting me pack food with me.

– What happened?

– I will come back later. I have things to do. My father waved his hand. The mother was standing with her arms crossed on her chest.

– I wish I had pancakes. She squeezed out through her tears.

– Mom, do not start. Pressing on the gas, the car screeched away from the house.

I was not interested in pancakes and my parents’ speculations about a certain woman with a dog who appeared in my life. I needed to find historical data about the settlement of the ancient Tambov Mordvins. Five hundred years ago. This is exactly what I need. This wolf fang is about the same time. Having crawled the Internet, I did not find anything suitable. Not a big article formed not a big essay in my concept of my hometown before the arrival of civilization: from the very beginning of Russian history until the XVII century, our region was called the Meshchersk side. He occupied the lower reaches of the Tsna and Moksha with all the small rivers flowing into them. This swampy, «koltun» polesie was inhabited in ancient times by Mordovian tribes: Moksha, Muroma, Meschera. The last two are rarely mentioned in the chronicles, but Moksha villages are found throughout the vast expanse from Oka and Tsna to Penza and Insar quite often. I realized that during the raids of the Tatars, Tambov was one big forest. There were no roads, villages, there were villages, and these villages lived near the river. Having formed a picture of ancient Tambov in my imagination, I was interested in the following question. In what century did all this happen? Transformation from a girl into a werewolf. Wondering this question, I did not notice how I believed in her transformation. That I believe in a werewolf.

CHAPTER 2

November 4. The day spent at work distracted me from the thoughts eating my human consciousness. The spirit of the forest beckoned me to visit with terrible force. I suppressed this feeling in myself, because the feeling of fear and the feeling of curiosity were uniform. I did not want to involve Mikhail in this story, considering that this story belongs only to me. Of all the above, the sense of ownership outweighed. This fantastic collision belonged only to me. The wolf, the wolf’s fang, my reflection in the mirror, but most of all I was driven by a feeling of jealousy. I was afraid that my friend would squeeze into our invisible connection with my wolf. Maybe he will be able to establish contact with her ahead of me. And what if she likes him more than me. I could not bear to even think about it. I was already preparing for a fight to some extent, just not with her, but for her. My fang and my wolf. This I have firmly decided for myself.

November 5th. Evening. My trip to the forest in the middle of the week. I did not tell anyone about it. This hike, like all the subsequent ones, was no longer connected with the love of the forest, instilled in me from childhood, but with the desire to see a she-wolf. Before her appearance in my life, I loved the forest as my home, or even more at home. I cannot say that I stopped loving the forest; it just faded into the background. His inhabitant displaced him. I walked purposefully, that is the very place where we met for the first time. I was sure I would see her. After standing in the clearing for about half an hour and nervously shuffling the leaves, I waited for her appearance. But she didn’t show up. Realizing that she would not come, I did not give up, and continued on my way deeper into the forest. I walked for about an hour, and I could not figure out where I was. The vanity of vanities is left behind. There was no city noise, no cars passing on the highway. Silence. Humid air. Dirty foliage underfoot. I was waiting for her. Like the first time, she crept up not noticeably. It seemed that she was walking through the air without touching the ground. Hip swaying. Pink tongue. White teeth. Grace itself. The white shaggy wool swayed with such beauty, it was like a fashion show of fur coats. I whispered. The she-wolf came close to me, stood up on her hind legs, and looked down into my eyes. Her height on her hind legs exceeded mine by three centimeters.

To be alone with a predator and look into his eyes is certainly something, and it is not a little important if this predator is a female werewolf. A small child lives in every person, when this child falls asleep, a predator wakes up. These two raging flames periodically replace each other. When the beast wakes up, he is ready to sweep away everything in his path, subsequently a person gets tired of the war and a truce comes, that is where the child wakes up, who wants to be pitied, to indulge, to attract attention to yourself. Being in the arms of a predator, I did not feel fear, I was looking for it, I came voluntarily, and I found what I was looking for. Looking into each other’s eyes, we made contact. There was a close connection between us. The human eyes of the wolf-girl said that she was glad to meet, and trying to say something, she wagged her tail amiably like a dog. This time she looked like a mischievous dog. I briefly examined her adorable canine body standing on its hind legs, and from the wolf’s fang, hanging from her neck could not escape my field of vision. A shot rang out. My white and fluffy friend has disappeared. – What is it? The shots continued and I had to hide in the truest sense of the word. I pressed my back against the aspen tree.

– She ran away, a wolf. I heard a man’s voice swearing. What I saw horrified me. Four men in camouflage clothes were wandering through the forest. I immediately understood who they were and why they were doing it.

– «Are you hurt?» One of them shouted at me.

– No. I answered in an annoyed voice.

– «Have you seen her?» Where did she run?

– Who are you talking about?

– Buddy. Don’t you know that we have a wolf in the forest and she keeps closer to people? Locals complain about the howling of wolves.

– No. I have never heard of it. And I didn’t see anyone.

– We remember you. And we know your father. How is he? By an effort of will, I had to maintain a dialogue with some people who are trying to kill my white and fluffy girlfriend.

– I visited him on Sunday. They are fine.

– That is nice. Do not go that far in the meantime. First, we will catch her, and then you will go for a walk.

– «What makes you think it’s her?» And is she the only wolf in the forest?

– She is too beautiful. And as research has shown, there have been no wolves in this forest since two thousand and twelve.

– Wow, what a shame. I said with a sigh.

– Do you want to be in the mouth?

– Of course not. I just feel sorry for them. A wolf is a friend.

– This is a dog friend. And no matter how much you feed the wolf, he still looks into the forest. Let us go. We will ensure your safety.

My trip to the forest was ruined. Moreover, my peace was disturbed. Now I could not live in peace knowing that my four-legged friend could be killed at any moment. I just did not expect such a turn of events. I just did not know what to do.

Trying to calm myself down, I scrolled through different options, choosing the right words. She is strong, she is brave, and most importantly, I realized that either she is not alone, or she has supernatural abilities. After all, someone tied a shoelace around her neck. I saw it clearly. Who could have done this? Either she’s someone’s well-groomed dog, or she is a mystical creature, and this explanation suited her much better. I distinctly remember her taking off that shoelace. He literally put himself on her fang, her jaw closed, and she seemed to disappear. Werewolf and wolf fang amulet, how to link it? Wolf and wolf fang, what does it mean? I wanted so much to ask for a friend’s help, but having overcome myself, I decided to act alone.

After reading the information on the Internet, I did not find an answer to my question. From the articles I read and briefly leafed through, I realized that the wolf’s fang is an ancient amulet that was used not only in Slavs. According to the description, this amulet is more male than female. Women also used it mainly in love magic, protection of the family, and their lover. The more I learned about the wolf’s fang, the more I wanted to enter into an open dialogue with my wolf. I have not been in the woods for more than a week; I just did not have time. All this time I have been thinking about her, and her safety. I was interested in the only question – is she alive? Had she been murdered? Finally, having plucked up the courage, I decided to go to the forest at night. I realized that this is the only way to see her one-on-one and no one will interfere with us.

November 18. On a dark autumn night, the forest is not as beautiful as in the beautiful summer season. I would even say dangerous. The cold, the darkness, the bare trees, all this is nothing compared to the wolf coming at you. Especially when you know that, this wolf is a werewolf. The wolf came by herself, I did not have to call her and wait. We were standing alone, in a clearing not even illuminated by moonlight. Her white fur looked like a walking lamp in the shape of a dog. She was like a soft glowing toy. However, if you throw away all these charms, then I was scared, and I did not know what to expect. The question matured in my head – how are we going to talk?

There was a smell of smoke in the air. The trees surrounding the edge were enveloped in a transparent shroud, like a thin vacuum. The forest edge was surrounded by a small, barely noticeable flame of fire in the form of an outlined circle. The flame broke out by itself, despite the state of shock, I heard a quiet crackling of burning foliage and dry branches. My state of shock was subjected to even more stress when the wolf spoke to me in human language. Her voice was rough. I did not expect this. I was hoping to hear an affectionate the girl’s voice. Matching her beautiful fur. – Why did you squeeze into my space? The predator said in a dissatisfied voice. Although her amazingly intelligent and beautiful eyes shone amiably in the silence of the night.

– I did not know. I always walk here.

– That is not what I am talking about. Why did you pick up the pendant? I wanted to talk myself out of it. To make myself look innocent, but I did not argue with the predator in the night. – It is not yours. I should not have done that. Now you know my secret. Before she could finish, I interrupted her speech.

– Who are you?

– «I belong to a noble family.

– It is noticeable by your beautiful fur coat! I said with a laugh. The fear passed, and I felt equal to her. If you discard her wolfish image, then it was equivalent to sitting around the campfire in the company of her best friend. My chuckle disappeared with a sharp attack on me by my charming predator.

– Such a fur coat belongs only to my family. You will not find one like this anywhere else. Hissing through her teeth, the enraged predator uttered. This time I was seriously scared, realizing that I had shaken up the wrong thing.

– I wanted to make a compliment.

– A compliment? What is a compliment? By the accent of my interlocutor, I realized that she was not at ease with spoken speech. Only I could not figure out where this accent was coming from, from what edges.

– Where are you from?

– I am a local resident. And I’m older than you think. Do you think I am seeing you for the first time? You’re wrong.

– What is your name? The wolf laughed a perky, girlish laugh. At that moment, I wanted to see her in a female form.

– «You don’t have to know my name. Now you need to protect yourself from ours.

– Protect? At that moment, the flame went out. Dawn came. I did not notice how the night flew by. The wolf, waving her tail, ran away into the depths of the forest. The fairy tale is over; it is a gray, autumn day. The adventure in the night was the best ridiculous incident in my life. I was talking to a wolf.

If I had told anyone about this, I would have been recognized as crazy, including my best friend Misha. Honestly, a talking wolf is funny; my friend moved her tongue so ridiculously, trying to pronounce human words. The information received was mixed up in my head. A noble family is of course from antiquity. More than I think years. How much is interesting? Of course, it is not customary for women to ask their age, but still. The keeper of these places. So she’s local. This pleased me. My compatriot! I said with pride, and went to bed. In the truest sense of the word, I fell into a dream. This time I was not overcome by insomnia or nightmares, perhaps it was because I slept during the day.

After what I had seen, of course I did not want to go to work anymore. The forest again beckoned me with its mystery, or rather its keeper. There were many questions in my head, and I could not wait to ask them. Having taken care of everything in advance, I took time off from work. I wanted to spend as many nights as possible in the forest with my wolf. After the night I spent, I considered this predator to be mine, I was sure that no one else had contact with her except me.

December 1st. December came, but the snow still did not fall, Tambov residents believed that Queen autumn had not yet ceded her rights to Queen winter, and the snow would have time to attack by the new year. At night, the edge of the young, waning moon barely illuminated the way. The dark sky and bright stars decorated the winter night. Minus five degrees, noticeably noticeable, especially in the forest. I did not feel cold, only my cheeks burned with fire. The internal heat burned my body. My blood was boiling and my body was on fire. I could not explain my condition to myself, but I myself believed that it was from excitement before the upcoming meeting. This time I already knew where to go. Our edge was waiting for us; the sleeping trees formed a circle like stone idols. It was in this space that I felt safe. – Where is she, my beauty? The wolf crept up as always silently. Floating through the frosty foliage like a rook. She came, so she is alive. She was not killed, and that is the main thing. Her white fur fluttered in the frosty wind. Gray-green eyes shone like two sparks, looking into those eyes, I felt our souls talking. It is a pity we could not read each other’s minds, at least me.

My white, shaggy friend walked around the entire edge of the forest, as if closing the circle. I could not help noticing it, but I did not know why she was doing it, and I kept watching. Sitting in the center of my circle, the wolf made a nod of her head, inviting me to sit down next to her. I obeyed her invitation and squatted down next to her. At the same moment, my legs straightened up, and I found myself in a sitting position, on a log of an old, dry tree. The forest changed its appearance, December was replaced by Indian summer, and there was a whiff of warmth. The flames of the campfire raged next to us, enveloping us with its heat. The bright orange colors of the fire reflected the color of golden leaves. I did not look back freely, trying to figure out where I was. It seemed that the forest was the same, and even some trees remained unchanged, but this was not the case. How to put it in my own words, I do not know how, but I found myself in an ancient dense forest. The swampy swamp, moss hummocks, and the thickness of the trees emphasized this.