Resisting The Single Dad: Resisting the Single Dad / Reunited by Their Secret Son

But the news from the consultant had been a turning point. Han had backed off, slowly but surely. Never with malice. But his plans for the future included a family. And as he’d drifted away she’d felt more and more hurt. More and more like less of a woman. Less of a partner.

She’d had to learn to accept that a family wouldn’t be in her future. She’d had to accept that any potential relationship would have to be one where she had that difficult up-front conversation. The one where she’d have to admit she was unsure what the future with her cardiac condition would look like.

In the meantime, she’d thrown herself into work. Her almost safe place. But every now and then, when a patient’s condition worsened at the clinic, it always brought home to her the fact that one day that could be her.

So she was grateful to Gene for the offer. And he’d been true to his word. He’d charmed Jonas and given him time to express his sadness at having to leave the trial before graciously accepting the other treatment that he needed. Gene kept him distracted with cowboy-type stories as he slowly administered the medicine to Jonas.

They’d just finished up when one of the other nurses came rushing in. ‘Dr Du Bois? We need you now. Aryssa has become unwell during her cardiac echo.’

Both of them moved at once, walking down the long white corridor rapidly. Gene reached the room first. He moved swiftly around Aryssa and examined her, taking in her vital signs. ‘She’s bradycardic,’ said Cordelia, moving to the other side of the bed.

The sonographer was pale-faced next to the bed. ‘She just seemed to fade while we were doing the echo,’ he said.

‘What did it show?’ asked Gene.

The sonographer gave him a serious look. ‘What you expected. The pacing wire has moved.’

Gene frowned as Aryssa’s eyes flickered open. ‘It’s odd. That’s unusual. A pacing wire shouldn’t move.’

Cordelia put her hand on Aryssa’s shoulder. ‘Aryssa, how are you feeling?’

The heart rate on the monitor seemed to rise for a few seconds. ‘Not good,’ she whispered.

Cordelia nodded. ‘Don’t worry. We’ll look after you. But has anything happened in the last day or so that could have dislodged your pacing wire?’

Aryssa lifted her hand to her chest. ‘I had an accident in the car on the way to the institute this morning. It was only a small bump, but the airbag exploded.’

Gene shot Cordelia a look. ‘Did the airbag hit you?’

Aryssa winced. ‘Yes. But I got more of a fright because of the noise. And the powder.’ She closed her eyes again, obviously exhausted just answering those few questions.

They moved outside into the corridor.

Gene didn’t hesitate. ‘That’s enough for me. We need to insert a new pacing wire. She’s too symptomatic to move her elsewhere.’

It was the weirdest feeling. All of a sudden she almost felt as if she were a spectator instead of part of the situation. As if she were dangling up somewhere in the corner of the room, watching everything.

She couldn’t remember the last time there had been an emergency in the clinic. Not like this anyway.

Everything she’d ever learned at medical school decided to fly out of her head in an instant. She couldn’t tell a clavicle from a femur, or an atrium from a liver lobe.

Crap. She’d never panicked as a medical student. She’d always been one of the calmest in the class. While others had fainted at the sight of blood, or any other body fluid, Cordelia had just wondered why on earth they wanted to be doctors.

So what was wrong with her now?

One of the clinic nurses appeared at her side. ‘Are we pacing?’

Simple words. And that was all it took. Her brain shifted gear.

Gene walked into the next-door cath lab. His actions were automatic. It was clear he’d dealt with this situation before. He pulled over a trolley and set out the equipment. He nodded to the nurse. ‘Can you bring the patient in, please, and we’ll explain what we need to do.’

Cordelia moved over to the sink and started scrubbing her hands. A temporary pacing wire wasn’t performed in a traditional operating theatre, but the cath lab was as good as it got around here. The wire went straight into a central vein, and everything had to be done aseptically to protect the patient from infection.

The nurse wheeled Aryssa in. She was lying on her back, her face pale and sweating. She was already attached to a portable cardiac monitor showing her very slow heartbeat and low blood pressure.

Gene gave Cordelia a nod. He moved over and took Aryssa’s hand. He mouthed one word to her. ‘Cold.’

Cordelia pressed her lips together. Cold extremities meant that the blood flow just wasn’t getting enough power to circulate properly. She dried her hands and held them out in front of her to where the nurse was holding out a disposable surgical gown. Next came the gloves then she checked the equipment on the trolley.

‘Percutaneous sheath, bipolar pacing catheter and bridging cables and pacing box.’ She murmured the contents out loud, mentally ticking them off in her head.

Gene spoke quietly to Aryssa. ‘Aryssa, I know you might be feeling light-headed. We’re sure that your pacing wire has moved. We’re going to insert a temporary pacing line to get your heart back on track. You’ll probably be a little woozy until we get this sorted. But trust us. We’ve got this.’

Aryssa’s eyes were closed but she tossed her head from side to side. ‘But I’ll be flung off the trial. I don’t want that. The drug is the only thing that’s worked for me.’

Gene met Cordelia’s gaze. Her heart gave a little flutter inside her chest and that made her freeze. Oh, no. Not now. Not here.

He spoke smoothly. ‘Aryssa, with a heartbeat of around forty we couldn’t let you stay in the trial. We’ve got to keep you healthy. This isn’t something we can debate. You need this procedure.’

A tear trickled down Aryssa’s cheek and Gene clasped her hand tightly while looking at Cordelia. It was awful. Aryssa had been doing so well on the trial. The new drug seemed to be having a good effect on her. Her symptoms had diminished over the last few weeks and up until the last day her heart function had looked a little better.

Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy could throw up a whole host of problems, depending on which part of the heart was most affected. Right now, they had no way of reversing the condition, but this drug had actually looked as though it could slow and stabilise the condition, optimising the output of the heart.

Gene looked so conflicted. She could almost see what he was seeing—Rory on the bed instead of Aryssa. It must be breaking his heart.

For a few seconds his dark brown gaze intersected with hers. He wasn’t a doctor right now, he was a parent. It was like seeing the window to his soul. His hopes and fears all tumbling over and over. She gave him the briefest nod of acknowledgement and it was almost like flicking a switch.

His doctor face fell back into place.

‘What site?’ asked Gene.

Cordelia breathed deeply, focused and ran her eyes over her patient as the sonographer appeared. She gave him a grateful smile and a nod as he moved into position without even speaking.

She looked at Aryssa’s neck. There was a small white scar at her neck—obviously the place of the last insertion. The right internal jugular vein was the preferred option due to the ease of positioning the wire into the right ventricle. But since it had already been used there was a risk of scar tissue. She wanted this procedure to go smoothly.

She could see Gene’s eyes following hers. ‘Looks like the left subclavian is our best option,’ she said.

The nurse gave a nod and eased Aryssa’s gown down from her left shoulder, giving easy access to her left clavicle and covering around the area with sterile drapes. Cordelia picked up a swab and cleansed the area, feeling with her fingers for the identifying features. She then nodded to the sonographer, who placed his probe just under the clavicle, allowing her to identify the artery and vein on the screen. As the artery and vein were so close it was important to familiarise herself with the patient’s anatomy.

She waited until the arterial wave form was shown, to differentiate between the artery and vein, then injected some local anaesthetic into the site.

Gene’s voice was low and reassuring in the background. He talked to Aryssa the whole time she lay with her eyes closed, keeping a soft grip of her hand.

Cordelia threaded the dilator into the catheter, attaching it to the needle and inserting it, waiting for the flash of blood, before continuing. She held the needle steady while advancing the wire into the vein. She then removed the needle, made a little cut with the scalpel and inserted the sheath, with the dilator in place, over the wire.

‘Almost done,’ she said quietly to Aryssa. ‘I’m just removing the wire and testing the balloon on the pacing wire.’ That only took a few minutes then she completed the procedure by inserting the wire into Aryssa. The wire was attached to the pacing box and it turned on. They watched on the screen as the balloon allowed the wire to be positioned. A few seconds later the pacing spikes appeared on the monitor, showing them that the wire was in the correct position.

Cordelia still marvelled at the technology they had these days that allowed them to do relatively complicated procedures in such a quiet and controlled environment. They waited another few minutes, watching the monitor for any potential changes. It only took a few seconds for Gene to smile and nod and for Aryssa’s cheeks to start to pink up. Her heart rate was now sitting at around seventy beats per minute. The pacing wire was doing its job.

They held steady. Waiting to ensure that everything was in place.

That was when it started. The noise like horses’ hooves in her ears. That feeling of a runaway train in her chest.

No. Please, no.

She stared down at her gloved hands, wanting to lift one to her neck. But she couldn’t. This was a sterile procedure.

She tried to take some long, slow, steadying breaths. But it was useless. She knew that. She’d dealt with this condition too long.

She kept her voice as steady as it could be. ‘Dr Du Bois, would it be possible for you to stitch the line in place for me, please?’

The nurse next to her turned her head in surprise, and Gene looked up. He gave her the strangest look. Stitching only took a matter of minutes—minutes that she didn’t feel like she had right now. It seemed odd to ask another doctor to scrub and get sterile. It would take him longer to do that than it would for her to do the stitching. But her head was starting to swim. She had to get out of here. Now.

She didn’t wait for his answer. She just turned to the nurse next to her, who was already gowned and wearing sterile gloves. ‘Could you hold this for me until Dr Du Bois is ready, please? I need to get a little air.’

The nurse moved swiftly, sliding her hands over Cordelia’s so there was no change in position. Cordelia didn’t hesitate. She turned and left as the thudding in her chest threatened to overtake her. She heard someone call her name. But she couldn’t afford to wait.

Her legs were shaking almost as much as her head. Heat swamped her and she tugged the sterile gown from her throat and sterile gloves from her hands as she staggered the last few steps to her office.

It was like a sanctuary. She didn’t even have time to close the door but slid down the wall, automatically putting her fingers to her neck to start massaging.

It was all she could think about. All she could concentrate on. Every molecule in her body had to think about those fingers. It was her own fault. She’d never left it this long before. She always dealt with the arrhythmia as soon as she’d felt it. As soon as she’d had symptoms.

She counted in her head. Slowly. One...two...three. It was impossible. Counting wouldn’t slow her heart rate. Or stop the wooziness in her head. Or the tightness in her chest.

She pictured something else. Green meadows. For as far as the eye could see. Flat green meadows. Dotted with daisies and dandelions. She sucked in a long, slow breath.

This was the place she liked to see when she needed to. It normally helped to centre her. Keep her calm. Keep her feeling in control, even though her body revolted. But this time there was a difference. This time something else was in her place. A blond-haired kid. And a broad-chested father. Smiling, laughing together. The father picking the kid up and swinging him in the air and the little guy screaming with joy.

It startled her. She’d never visualised things like this before. Her hands slid from her neck.

Her heart rate had slowed and she hadn’t even noticed. She put her fingers on her wrist and counted her pulse. Old-fashioned but effective.

She let her head sag back against the wall. The tightness in her chest eased. Thank goodness. She pulled her shirt from her body. Cold sweat was uncomfortable. She’d need to change. Just as soon as she checked on Aryssa.

Her stomach clenched.

Patient. She had to check on her patient.

* * *

Gene was dumbfounded. Had she really just left?

The nurse met his gaze. ‘She was paler than Aryssa,’ she whispered in a voice only he could hear.

He nodded and swapped sides, moving to the sink to scrub. Another nurse appeared, holding out a disposable gown for him. Within a matter of minutes he was scrubbed and gloved and talking away to a much more alert Aryssa as he placed a couple of stitches to hold the pacing wire in situ.

If the rest of the staff thought it strange that Cordelia had left in mid-procedure they didn’t say anything. But she hadn’t really left in mid-procedure. He was being hard on her. She’d completed about ninety per cent before she’d bailed. But it still didn’t make him feel any easier.

He kept talking, finished up, all the while keeping an eye on Aryssa’s ECG readouts before asking the nurse to keep her on the monitor for the next few hours. It was routine after a procedure like this and Aryssa already looked better. They would transfer her to another facility later. The pacing wire was only a temporary measure. She’d need a new permanent pacemaker in the next few days.

She reached over and touched his arm. ‘Thank you, Dr Du Bois. I feel much better. But I can’t pretend to be happy about getting flung off the trial. I’d finally found a drug that had actually improved my other systems, and probably my heart function. I feel as if—even though you’ve given me a new pacing wire—it will go downhill from here. I’ll miss the effects of that drug.’

He understood exactly what she was saying. ‘Cardiomyopathy is a complicated disease. Even when you have the gene, things can be different for every patient. You think the drug might already have helped. And those effects might last.’

Aryssa shook her head sadly. ‘I don’t think so, Doc.’ She sighed and leaned her head back against the pillows. ‘I’m just sorry this happened. All because some stray cat ran on the road in front of us.’

He wanted to tell her she could stay on the trial. He wanted to tell her there was a way around this. She’d had a pacing wire from the start. Who needed to know it had been replaced?

But Gene was far too ethical for that. The trial conditions had to be strictly adhered to. Trials were always strict—for good reason. They had to be absolutely crystal clear that any side effects or changes in a patient’s condition were caused by the new trial drug and not by anything else.

He put his hand over Aryssa’s. ‘I’m sorry, Aryssa. You know there’s nothing we can do about the rules of the trial. We have to follow them.’

A million thoughts were racing through his brain. This could be a drug that could help thousands of cardiomyopathy sufferers throughout the world. This could be the drug that could one day make a difference for his child.

He had to push all his personal feelings aside and think purely like a doctor, purely like a researcher. It was like being a coin, balancing on its edge. One tiny push could see him campaigning to keep Aryssa on the trial. And even though every professional bone in his body knew that was the wrong thing to do, the parent in him would always wonder if he should.

Aryssa was wheeled out to Recovery and Gene pulled off his gown and washed his hands again, running his fingers through his hair.

Cordelia. He had to find her. He had to ask her what on earth was going on.

He walked down the corridor towards her office, trying to play down the whole host of emotions currently circulating in his head. She was standing in front of the mirror, pulling her hair back into a ponytail. It looked a little damp. And she’d changed. She was wearing a green shirt instead of a pink one.

‘Everything okay?’

She jumped at the sound of his voice, spun around to face him and glanced down, pulling at her shirt to straighten it.

‘Have you quite finished titivating yourself?’ He wasn’t quite sure where the words had come from.

Her face fell, then he saw a sweep of anger flare in her eyes. ‘Titivating myself? Is that what you think I’m doing?’

It had been a poor choice of words. He knew that. But now he’d started, it seemed like he couldn’t stop. It was almost as if his mouth went into overdrive. ‘Well, what are you doing? You were in the middle of a procedure on a patient. I had to finish for you. I think I have a right to know.’

A scowl creased her face. Her reaction was immediate. ‘No. You don’t have any right to know anything. The pacing wire was in place and Aryssa’s heart rate had improved. I stepped out because I felt unwell for a second. That’s all. I got changed because I was uncomfortable.’

It was a plausible enough explanation. But for some reason he just didn’t buy it. He was an experienced doctor. He knew when someone was hiding something from him. And that’s exactly how he felt.

She took a deep breath. ‘How is Aryssa? I was just about to come and see her.’

He spoke carefully, trying to maintain a hint of the composure that had already slipped. ‘She’s fine. I completed the stitches and she’s in Recovery. She is still upset that she can’t stay on the trial—just like Jonas was.’

Cordelia nodded solemnly. ‘I’ll talk to them both.’

‘Shouldn’t you sit down or something if you didn’t feel well? Maybe you should eat something. Or drink something.’ It was snappy. He knew that. But he also sensed she wasn’t being up front.

She paused for a second. And he knew she was searching for something to say. It made his insides coil. Cordelia didn’t strike him as someone who would be untruthful. And if she wasn’t being untruthful? Then she was definitely hiding something from him.

‘I’m fine,’ she said quickly. ‘I feel better now.’

He couldn’t help himself. ‘So quickly?’

She nodded and picked up some papers from her desk. ‘Yes. Thank you for finishing up the procedure on Aryssa. I appreciate it. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some work to do.’

She gave him a smile.

And somehow he knew she was resisting the temptation to say, ‘As do you.’

She was second in command at the institute and he’d do well to remember that.

She swept past and strode down the corridor in front of him and he couldn’t help but watch.

What did a woman like Cordelia Greenway have to hide—and why did he care?

CHAPTER FOUR

SHE’D JUST FINISHED pulling on her pyjamas when her bedroom door opened.

A little mop of blond hair appeared at the edge of the door. ‘Rory? Is something wrong?’

‘Want some milk,’ he murmured.

She looked behind him. Gene wasn’t in the corridor. ‘Where’s your dad?’ she asked.

‘He’s in the shower. But I want some milk.’ Rory walked tentatively into her room, holding a dog-eared book in one hand.

‘Okay.’ She nodded. ‘I can get you some milk.’ She looked at his bare feet. She wasn’t quite sure where his slippers were, and didn’t want to go into Gene’s room to find them. Things had been a little tense for the last few days since the incident at the institute. He’d clearly been annoyed with her when he’d come to speak to her afterwards. She’d tried to make excuses but somehow she knew he hadn’t really believed her.

Gene Du Bois was curious. He didn’t like being fobbed off, and that’s exactly what she’d tried to do.

It felt like they’d spent the last few days purposely avoiding each other and staying out of each other’s way. It was almost like some carefully choreographed dance—but, then, she hadn’t danced since she’d been a teenager and she’d no intention of starting again now.

She lifted Rory up onto her bed. ‘Why don’t you sit here for a minute while I go downstairs and get you some milk?’

‘Okay,’ he said, as he sat on her bed and looked around the room. She almost laughed out loud. Somewhere inside this four-year-old was a little old man waiting to get out. She could see him eyeing the clothes she’d thrown across a chair and her two pairs of shoes lying in one corner of the room.

Thankfully they had plenty of cold milk in the fridge downstairs so she poured some into a mug and carried it back up with her.

She walked around to the other side of the bed and climbed up alongside him, handing him the mug and praying he wouldn’t spill it.

‘I like your pyjamas,’ he said as he took a sip of milk.

Her light jersey nightwear was bright pink and covered in tiny teddies. ‘Thanks very much. I like yours too. Are they space rockets?’

He nodded. ‘And planets. I was going to be an astronaut. But Dad says I might not be able to do that. So I’m going to be the scientist that presses the buttons and sends the shuttle into space.’

Her skin prickled. He was just a little guy but his vocabulary was so good. And his comprehension. But just because he sounded older than he was, it made her a little wary.

‘You know, I think they get thousands of people who apply for every job as an astronaut. It’s tough.’

He shrugged. ‘I don’t care. I’d get through.’

He said it with the confidence that only a child could have. She liked that. She wished she still had that herself. The fearlessness. The expectations.

Nowadays, if you could bottle and sell something like that you would be a millionaire.

She lay back on the bed and looked out at the dark night sky. She hadn’t remembered to close the curtains yet. She pointed up at the stars. ‘Don’t you think it might be a bit lonely up there?’

Her heart was giving a few little flutters in her chest. Not because anything was wrong but because somewhere along the line she figured that Gene must have had that general conversation with his little boy about doing certain things and getting certain jobs.

Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy was a tricky disease. The advice frequently said that children and adolescents with HCM should refrain from competitive high-activity sports to prevent the risk of sudden death.

Anyone with the HCM genes would never get on the space programme. Never be a deep-sea diver. Never be able to do certain other jobs. But did Gene really need to tell his kid that now?

She turned to face Rory as he took another sip of milk. ‘But I wouldn’t be lonely up there.’

‘Why not?’

‘Because my mom’s up there.’

Her breath caught somewhere in the back of her throat. From the mouth of babes. She opened her mouth to speak but he kept talking, ‘And I would take my girlfriend with me too. She’s new. I met her today.’

Cordelia’s brain was still dealing with the first statement. But she couldn’t help but smile at the second. ‘You have a girlfriend already? Who is she?’

He looked at Cordelia in surprise. ‘I always have a girlfriend. Her name is Jana.’

Cordelia knew a lot of kids in the nursery and she frantically tried to remember which one was Jana.

‘Blonde hair? Curls?’

Rory gave her a wide smile. ‘That’s her.’