Society Wives: Secret Lives

“Sure you can,” Felicity insisted and straightened the skirt of her gown. She gave her a quick hug and a smile. “Just take a deep breath and think of Jack.” And before she could say another word, Felicity flew out the door as quickly as she had blown in.

The first notes of the bridal march started for the third time and Lily couldn’t move. She stood frozen in the powder room and wished she was Samantha from the old Bewitched TV show so she could wiggle her nose and disappear. She was still standing there wondering if she was going to be sick when the door to the powder room opened again. Only this time it was Jack who came in.

Her first crazy thought was that Felicity had been right. The man really should live in a tux. The black jacket made his shoulders look broad, his height towering. His black hair was thick, his blue eyes as dark as steel. His jawline was strong, his mouth almost elegant. There was something solid and commanding and, at the same time, dangerous about him—the very things that had drawn her to him that night at the ball.

“I wasn’t sure if you remembered to check your calendar this morning,” he said, his voice casual. “But according to mine, we’re supposed to be getting married right about now.”

“I didn’t forget,” Lily told him. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at him and into his eyes. “I’m sorry, Jack. I know how much trouble you and your family have gone to, but I can’t go through with it. I just can’t.”

“I see.”

I see?

It wasn’t the response she had expected. In truth, she had expected him to be angry. After all, the man had gone to a great deal of trouble and expense to arrange the wedding. He had at least three dozen family members and friends sitting outside waiting to see him take her as his bride. He’d even given her his grandmother’s ring. No question about it, Jack Cartwright had every right to be downright furious with her. Only instead of being angry, he took the bridal bouquet she was clutching in her still unsteady hands and placed it on the dressing table. Then he took her by the hand and led her to the bench by the wall.

“Why don’t we sit down a minute?”

She did as he suggested and said, “I’m not going to change my mind, Jack. I’m sorry, but I simply can’t go through with it. I can’t marry you.”

“All right,” he told her. He sat down beside her, took her other hand and held it in his. “So is there any particular reason you don’t want to marry me?” he asked calmly. And before she could find her voice, he continued, “Is it my nose? I broke it playing football in college and it never did heal quite right. Maybe you don’t want to be married to a man with an ugly nose.”

“There’s nothing wrong with your nose. It’s beautiful.”

“The hair then. You probably noticed that I’m starting to get a few gray hairs right around the temples. I know some women find that a turn-off—“

“There’s nothing wrong with your hair. It looks great. You look great,” she insisted.

“Hmm. It isn’t because I’m a lawyer, is it? I mean, I’ve heard all the lawyer jokes and I know we’re not the most popular people.”

He was deliberately being absurd to calm her, she realized. “It’s not any of those things. You’re handsome, charming, kind and one of the nicest men I’ve ever known.”

Jack winced. “You make me sound like my grandfather. I’d much prefer you thought I was sexy.”

Her lips twitched. “I do think you’re sexy—which you already know. Otherwise, we wouldn’t be in this situation.”

“But we are in this situation,” he said. “In four months, we’re going to be parents. And I thought we agreed that for the baby’s sake, we should get married.”

“I know we did. But we were wrong. I was wrong,” she told him and, unable to sit still, she stood. “I should never have agreed to it. It’s crazy to think this marriage would ever work. I don’t know what I was thinking to have agreed to it in the first place.”

“You were thinking about what’s best for our baby.” He rose and came up behind her. “Our baby needs a mother and a father, Lily.”

“He or she will have a mother and a father,” she insisted. “We don’t have to be married to be good parents. Lots of couples raise children without being husband and wife.”

“We already covered this, Lily. Neither of us wants our child to grow up being shuffled from one house to the other, splitting time between Mom and Dad on holidays and weekends. I want our baby to have a real home, a real family. I want our baby to have what you never had. I thought you did, too.”

She hated that he was right. She did want that type of home for her baby. She wanted the picture-perfect home for her baby that she’d always longed for, but had never known. The kind of home she’d read about in books when she was a girl where children were loved and felt secure. She wanted to sit at the dinner table together as a family, to decorate the Christmas tree as a family, to bake cookies together and have picnics in the backyard. She wanted her child to have a family and never, ever feel alone as she had. “I do want those things. Making sure my baby feels loved and secure it’s … it’s what’s most important to me.”

“To me, too. And we can make sure our baby is loved and secure by providing him or her with a real home with both of its parents.” He placed his hands on her shoulders, turned her to face him. “Our child can have that, Lily. All you have to do is marry me.”

He made it sound so easy, so logical. But it wasn’t. She knew it wasn’t. “What about love, Jack? You know you don’t love me.” And that was the problem. She couldn’t let go of the idea that she wanted to marry for love.

“And you don’t love me. But we both love our baby,” he pointed out.

“But what if that’s not enough? We’ll be trapped in a loveless marriage.”

“I don’t see marriage to you as a trap. I see it as a gift. I’ll be getting a smart, beautiful wife and the mother of my child.”

“And love? Don’t you even believe in love, Jack?”

“There are all kinds of love. Love of family, love of a parent and child, love of a friend.”

“What about love between a man and a woman, a husband and wife? Don’t you believe in that?” she asked. “Don’t you want that?”

“I believe that there are some people, like my parents, who find that kind of connection. I don’t know if it starts out that way or if it’s something that grows over time out of respect and caring for one another. What I do believe in is the power of hormones between a man and a woman,” he told her. He drew his fingertip down her cheek and Lily could feel her already nervous stomach flutter at his touch. “I still want you, Lily. And I think you want me.”

She swallowed past the knot that seemed to have lodged in her throat. “You’re talking about meaningless sex.”

“I’m talking about desire, passion. It’s still there between us. Just like it was that night.”

It was true, Lily admitted silently. The pull between them that had drawn her to him that night and that had led her to breaking all her personal rules by sleeping with him was still there. In fact, it was even stronger now that she’d gotten to know him better. “What if desire isn’t enough to make it work?”

“It’s more than a lot of people have,” he said. “I think we owe it to our baby to at least try.”

Once again he made the whole thing sound so simple, so logical. Jack was a good man, an honest man and she had no doubt that he would be a good father to their child. Yet, it felt wrong to start any marriage this way.

“It’s your call, Lily. You know how I feel, that I think the two of us marrying is the right thing to do for our baby’s sake. So what’s it going to be? Should I go out there and tell everyone that the bride has changed her mind and there isn’t going to be a wedding after all? Or do I go out there and tell the minister to get the show on the road before the ice sculptures melt?”

She took a deep breath and met his gaze. “Tell the minister to get the show on the road,” she told him.

“You won’t be sorry, Lily. I promise.”

She certainly hoped Jack was right, she thought as he disappeared out the door. When she heard the bridal march start once again, Lily picked up her bouquet. As she exited the powder room and started toward the garden where she would pledge to become Jack Cartwright’s wife, she prayed she wasn’t making a mistake that both of them would live to regret.

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