The Man She Can't Forget

The realisation was akin to standing on a crumbling cliff edge and frantically trying to maintain her balance. It had been thirteen long years since she’d seen this man. She knew nothing about his life now, or what had transpired in the years since they’d last met, and she was pretty certain that if he had any interest in her at all at this moment it was only because of his past association with her family.

For all Lara knew, the man could be happily married to a stunningly perfect model wife in New York—the kind epitomised by the glossy magazines—with a brood of pretty blue-eyed offspring to boot. Her stomach helplessly churned at the thought.

‘All right, then. I’ll make us some tea and then we’ll catch up. Just don’t expect any tales of adventure or excitement. I live a very quiet and ordinary life that’s probably miles away from how you live yours.’

Giving him a faintly wry smile, she moved back across the kitchen to the granite worktop and hurriedly arranged the teapot and matching china cups and saucers on a tray. But her hands were visibly trembling as she poured hot water onto the tea leaves, and her heart was pounding as though it would never be at ease or calm again....

They moved into the living room to drink their tea, and Lara opened the generous-sized patio doors that led out onto the garden so that they might enjoy the sunshine. She also didn’t want to miss the opportunity of hearing the birds sing. That was one of the reasons why early morning had always been her favourite time of the day.

‘You’ve made it just how I like it,’ her handsome visitor announced, taking a sip of his tea as he lowered his long-limbed frame down into one of the comfortable Chesterfield armchairs. ‘You’ve got a good memory.’

‘Thanks.’

Suddenly self-conscious, Lara sat down in the chair opposite him and stirred her own tea. She’d never been able to drink the beverage without at least one sugar. She’d bet that Gabriel never touched the stuff. Even though he’d acquired a couple of lines on his forehead over the years, his lean, toned physique radiated the vim and vigour of a seasoned athlete rather than someone who spent his days immersed in making eye-popping deals on Wall Street.

The thought prompted a question. ‘You said you’d just come back from New York? Is this a flying visit or are you going to stay for a while?’

A definitely guarded expression stole into his mesmerising blue eyes and his lean jaw clenched a little. Leaning forward, he placed his cup and saucer down onto the walnut coffee table arranged between them.

‘I’m not sure. Right now I’ve no idea how long I’ll stay. I’ve come back to deal with some legalities regarding my uncle’s estate, to tell you the truth. He died a few weeks ago and I’m his sole beneficiary.’

‘Oh, Gabriel, I’m so sorry...about your uncle dying, I mean. Did you come back for the funeral?’

‘I did. Anyway, I have a meeting with his solicitor tomorrow.’

He shook his head, as though the matter pained rather than gratified him. But then why should he be pleased by the fact that his only family member had died? Lara reasoned. Even if he had bequeathed him everything he owned? If the scant details that she knew about Gabriel’s upbringing by his uncle were right, then surely he would have preferred to have the man’s love and affection, not to mention caring support, when he was a boy, rather than be left all his worldly goods when he died? Did he even need them when he was purported to be so wealthy in his own right?

‘Did you see your uncle much over the years after you left to go to New York?’

‘No, I didn’t. We weren’t close. He adopted me when my mother—his sister—decided she wasn’t cut out to be a mother after all...that she wanted her freedom above all else. At least he was decent enough to do that, I suppose.’

‘What about your father?’ Lara frowned. ‘What happened to him?’

In answer Gabriel’s brow creased in a formidable scowl. ‘Your guess is as good as mine. My mother put him down as “unknown” on my birth certificate.’

‘How sad.’ The comment was out before she could check it.

‘Why? I grew up in an impressive home in a very desirable area and I wanted for nothing. What’s sad about that?’

‘It’s sad that you never knew your real father, or had a relationship with him, and it’s sad that you weren’t close to the uncle who adopted you—that’s all I meant.’

‘Well, don’t give it another thought. In the circles I move in I’m considered to be a great success, and everything I’ve achieved I’ve accomplished on my own. I wasn’t held back by the fact that I wasn’t close to my family or they to me. End of story.’

But Lara guessed that was far from the end. She was pretty certain that anyone who’d been abandoned by their mother as a child must have a river of pain and anger flowing through them that couldn’t help but affect their sense of self-esteem and self-worth. But she sensed, too, that now wasn’t the time to try and press Gabriel into telling her more. He’d come to pay his respects to the family for Sean, not to be grilled by his friend’s sister about his less than idyllic upbringing.

‘Anyway, I’d like to hear about what you’ve been up to since we last met.’ Deftly, he changed the subject. ‘What do you do for a living? If I remember rightly, you were either going to be a vet or a politician. We had some passionate discussions, you, me and Sean, about setting the world to rights, didn’t we?’

His comment made Lara burn with embarrassment as she remembered their often heated and animated discussions. Especially when she recalled that her views had always been the most passionate and vehement. But when you were sixteen you thought you knew everything. You could even fool yourself into believing that a more experienced older man could seriously fall for you, when, in truth, he was only flirting with you because he could....

‘Well, I didn’t become a vet or a politician,’ she said. ‘Being responsible for setting the world to rights was too tall an order, so I became a librarian instead.’

‘Well, well, well...a librarian?’ Gabriel’s expression was wry. ‘I know you loved books, but I always thought you were far too passionate to squirrel yourself away in some dusty hall, lending them out to the great unwashed public!’

‘In case you hadn’t noticed, we’re not living in the Dickensian era.’

Lara couldn’t help but bristle at his mocking tone, but at the same time she couldn’t help registering the disturbing fact that he’d called her ‘passionate’. Had he always thought that about her? The thought made her heart race even as she reminded herself that he’d once painfully rejected her.

‘Amongst other things, I issue books in a state-of-the-art college library with every bit of modern technology you can imagine at my disposal. If you think I chose a “safe” option in becoming a librarian, instead of a vet or a politician, then I can assure you that dealing every day with the demands of diverse and sometimes tricky students is no walk in the park.’

‘But you love it?’ Lifting a dark eyebrow, Gabriel smiled. ‘I’m glad that you found a career you enjoy, Lara. And, just for the record, I still think you’re passionate. I’m sure you would be whatever you decided to do in life. You can’t help your nature.’

CHAPTER TWO

‘AND WHAT ABOUT YOU, GABRIEL?’ Lara asked, feeling suddenly hot again, because she seemed to be the focus of attention and she would much prefer to learn more about him. ‘What line of work are you in these days? Are you still involved in finance?’

The smile Gabriel returned was faintly rueful. ‘Yes, I am.’

‘What exactly do you do? I mean, do you have a job title?’

In answer he rose to his feet, and it was clear to Lara that her questions were unsettling him.

‘I’m a CRO on Wall Street—and, before you ask, that stands for Chief Risk Officer. I deal with analysing risk-and-reward formulas in financial businesses and banks.’

‘Oh.’ She raised her shoulders in a shrug, feeling none the wiser with the explanation. ‘It sounds complicated.’

‘Does it?’ A visible muscle flinched at the side of his carved cheekbone. ‘At any rate, I’d advise you not to lose any sleep trying to figure it out.’

‘Meaning you don’t think I’m intelligent enough to understand?’

‘You always did take umbrage when you thought I was being mocking, didn’t you? Perhaps you should try not to take things so personally.’

As Lara mulled over the comment, to try and ascertain exactly what he meant, Gabriel moved across to where she sat, leaned down and gathered her hands in his. Then he silently pulled her to her feet.

There wasn’t an adequate description for the huge wave of both panic and pleasure that suddenly engulfed her...except maybe abject disbelief that it was happening. Over the years, she had fantasised many times about what it might be like if Gabriel ever touched her or held her close as if he meant it, and while her heart sang to have him near she couldn’t help but remember the time when he’d so purposefully moved her away from him and told her he could never be for her. But even that agonising memory couldn’t stop her from thinking that being close to him like this felt so—so right.

Then she realised that his brilliant blue gaze was examining her with a searching intensity that couldn’t help but make her apprehensive.

‘Tell me about Sean,’ he commanded quietly, his tone almost reverent, as though even uttering his friend’s name out loud distressed him.

Relieved that it wasn’t anything she’d inadvertently done or said that had made him study her so intently, Lara took a nervous swallow. It still upset her terribly to talk about Sean and remember afresh that he had died. The thought was akin to sharpened cold steel being plunged into her heart.

‘What do you want to know?’

Gabriel didn’t release her and she found she was in no hurry to be free. His hands were large and warm and they made her feel strangely secure, made her ache for the kind of loving, sensual protection that only a man like him could provide. She was suddenly aware of a small vein throbbing in his forehead.

‘Why—how did he contract malaria?’ he enquired huskily. ‘Don’t volunteers have to have some kind of protection before going out into these godforsaken places?’

‘Of course they do.’ Lara was taken aback by the underlying rage she heard in his voice...touched that he still felt so strongly about Sean after all these years.

She was angry, too, that the brother she’d loved so dearly had been ripped from her so suddenly and without warning, and the wounds of that loss were so great she feared they might never heal. Yet she wouldn’t run away from grief, no matter how hard it hurt. She’d made a vow to face it head-on and not wound her heart further by denying how she felt. Something told her that it would be disrespectful to Sean if she did. But still, she utterly sympathised with Gabriel’s confusion and pain.

‘He had all the necessary jabs and medical examinations before he went over there,’ she said softly, ‘but malaria is caused by a mosquito bite from an infected mosquito, as I’m sure you probably know. Shortly after his death, a tear in the netting over his bed was discovered. Unfortunately the charity was always short of the money to be able to replace the old ones when they were no longer any good.’

‘So he was given a faulty mosquito net?’ His tone disparaging, Gabriel abruptly dropped Lara’s hands and stepped away.

Feeling both bereft of his touch and chilled by the memory of how Sean had died, she crossed her arms over her cotton shirt and nodded sadly. ‘It seems so.’

As if he didn’t know what to do with his rage to contain it, he strode over to the other side of the room to stare blindly out at the sunlit garden. Suddenly he spun round again to face her. ‘How could Sean have been such an idiot?’ he asked angrily.

‘What?’ The brutal question had the same effect on Lara as if Gabriel had slapped her hard across the face.

‘I mean, why didn’t he think of the consequences of being so careless about his own welfare? Probably because he’d never dream of putting himself first—and that was the problem. Why else would he accept a faulty net and risk being bitten? Even if he hadn’t realised it wasn’t intact. He should have checked. But he was always too busy thinking about others, wasn’t he? No wonder he went into charity work. What a waste that turned out to be.’

His blue eyes glittered with fury and then, seconds later, looked utterly desolate.

‘He was a genius at maths and science. He could have gone into any investment bank or financial concern and gone straight to the top. If it was so important to him to support worthy causes he could have done so from the safety of his office, using as much of his money as he wanted, without putting himself in the eye of the damn storm! It’s a dog-eat-dog world out there—a world where it’s every man for himself—and if you don’t make yourself number one then you’re dead in the water.’

As Gabriel angrily scraped his fingers through his hair it was clear that it was near impossible for him to contain his growing frustration.

‘God knows I told him that enough times. You’d think he would have had the common sense to take it on board.’

Taking a deep breath in, Lara slowly breathed out again. Her anxious heartbeat started to ease and return to a calmer rhythm. Gabriel hadn’t been being cruel when he’d asked how Sean could have been such an idiot—he was merely angry and frustrated at the senseless waste of his friend’s life. As they all were.

‘My brother was a good man—as I’m sure you know, Gabriel. And he was happy doing the work he’d chosen, helping others less fortunate than he was. It simply wasn’t in his nature to put himself first. I don’t know about you, but that’s the way I want to remember him. Happy and fulfilled and enjoying his life. I know that if he were still here he’d want you to be happy and fulfilled and enjoying your life, too. Are you?’

Her question hung suspended in the air like the sword of Damocles. Gabriel was staring at her as though transfixed, but then he rubbed his hand round his jaw in a bid to stir himself from the seeming trance he’d fallen into and shrugged.

‘In my view, being happy is given too much credence in this world. A far better goal is to aim to be successful. If you’re successful then that’s fulfilling. That at least gives you choices in life. Anyway...’

Moving back to his chair, he lifted his cup of tea to his lips and took a long draught. Then he put the cup and saucer back down and gave Lara a haunting smile that was part regret, part anguish.

‘I’m sorry if I upset you with my rant about Sean. But he was a good friend to me—probably the best friend I’ve ever had. I only wish I’d realised it sooner. I should have stayed in touch with him—but it’s too late now, isn’t it? It’s an absolute crime and a travesty that he was taken from us so soon. Please convey my heartfelt condolences to your parents, won’t you? I’m sorry they aren’t here for me to speak to personally. At any rate, I think it’s probably about time I went.’

The thought that he was leaving and that she might never see him again hit Lara like a thunderbolt.

Before she was sufficiently recovered from the shock to think it through properly, she blurted out, ‘Must you go? If you stay for a while we can have lunch together. You can even come for a walk with me and Barney first, if you like? A walk is the perfect remedy to blow the cobwebs away and clear your head. We’ve got woods at the back of the house, remember? I wish you’d seen them when the primroses were out in the spring—they were a picture.’

It was at that very moment that Gabriel knew he couldn’t walk away from this woman as easily as he wanted to—as easily as he should walk away. Because he knew if he stayed he would only hurt her. The savage hunger and need that he had buried inside for so long—and from time to time had sought to assuage with pretty bodies who only saw him as a ‘golden ticket’ to the lavish and expensive lifestyle they craved—would only end up consuming the innocent Lara and filling her with the most bitter regret for issuing that invitation to stay a while.

But Gabriel knew already that he couldn’t resist accepting it. And who could blame him for seeking sanctuary in her fresh and innocent company for a little while longer?

‘All right, then. I’ll stay...at least for lunch and a walk with Barney.’

‘That’s great. But you do realise I have an ulterior motive for asking?’

She smiled, and for the first time Gabriel noticed the two engaging and rather sexy dimples in her cheeks. But her words suddenly made him stiffen. He wasn’t ready for his illusions about her—if illusions were what they were—to be shattered so soon.

‘What motive would that be?’ he asked warily.

She lifted her slender shoulders, then dropped them again. ‘It’s just that I’ve been a bit lonely here on my own, surrounded by memories of my brother. It would be nice to have some company for a change to help take my mind off things.... That’s all I meant.’

Feeling ridiculously pleased at the admission, Gabriel relaxed. ‘Then far be it from me to deny you the one thing I can give you today. Shall we go for that walk now? The sun is shining and it’s a beautiful day. It would be a shame to waste it staying indoors.’

‘I agree.’ Lifting her long dark hair off her shoulders and dropping it down again behind her back, Lara moved gracefully across to the door. ‘I’ll just go and get my walking boots on—the terrain in the woods is quite rough and uneven in places. Will you be okay walking in those?’ Her glance was doubtful as she surveyed the ebony Italian loafers that he wore. ‘They look pretty chic and expensive.’

‘I would have brought something more suitable to change into if I’d known you were going to entice me into the woods with you,’ he remarked drolly, and his lips split into a grin when she blushed vividly.

‘Don’t kid yourself I’d even dream of such a thing. For one thing, I wouldn’t know how.’

Beneath his immaculate white shirt Gabriel’s heart started to pound disturbingly. More than that, a profoundly arousing heat invaded his blood.

‘Now, there’s a challenge if ever I heard one...’ he commented huskily.

‘I didn’t mean it as a challenge. I was only— Oh, never mind. I’ll go and get my boots on.’

Clearly flustered, Lara hurriedly left the room, and straight away Gabriel missed her presence and longed for her to return.

* * *

He was being introduced to a completely different world from the one he was used to inhabiting—a world that he realised he’d been missing for far too long.

Walking through the woods with the beauty he had once known as ‘Sean’s little sister’ by his side was delightful. She laughed often and unselfconsciously—a huskily engaging sound that made all the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. And every now and then a waft of the delightful perfume she wore, which smelled like a bouquet of wild flowers, deluged Gabriel’s senses and hit him in the gut. Coupled with the earthy, resinous scents that abounded in the woods, it made for a sensual experience bar none—a million miles away from the tense, charged atmosphere of Wall Street that was his usual daily experience.

‘I’m going to take Barney’s lead off now. This is his favourite neck of the woods. We know it well and I like to let him have a run.’

Gifting Gabriel with another sunny smile, Lara stooped to free the excited terrier from his leash and he bounded away through the thicket of dense undergrowth and trees like a whippet, joyously barking.

‘He’s not the brightest chicken in the coop,’ she commented affectionately. ‘He’s a natural hunter, but the trouble is he announces his arrival so that his prey can get away before he reaches it!’

Shaking her head in amusement, she laughed again, and Gabriel couldn’t help but smile with pleasure. Driven by sheer instinct—for once letting his heart rule his head—he found himself drawing closer and reaching for her hand. The hotly fierce tingle that shot through his body when he touched her was like being glanced by lightning and almost made him stumble. The startled look Lara gave him in return indicated that she’d felt the electrifying sensation, too.

‘I’d forgotten how funny you are,’ he confessed. ‘And that you have the most beautiful eyes. They glisten like jewels when you laugh.’ It didn’t come naturally to him to compliment a woman and mean it, but he meant this particular one with every fibre of his being.

‘Thank you.’

Carefully she disengaged her hand from his, and the becoming flush on Lara’s cheeks told Gabriel that he’d been right about her being disturbed by the shock of electricity that had arced between them.

‘You’re blushing,’ he teased.

‘If I am it’s because I’m not used to receiving such effusive compliments.’

‘Not even from the man in your life?’

He experienced no remorse whatsoever for shamelessly fishing. But Lara’s expression looked troubled now, and the light in her eyes dimmed a little.

‘There isn’t a man in my life—at least not at the moment.’

Gabriel couldn’t deny he was relieved to hear it, although he wasn’t ready to explore why right then.

‘You mean to say that there potentially might be someone? Someone you perhaps have your eye on?’

‘No. I don’t mean that at all.’ She didn’t bother to try and disguise her annoyance that he should quiz her on the subject.

‘What about you?’ she asked, turning the tables. ‘Is there anyone significant in your life? For all I know you might even be married by now.’

‘I’m not—married, I mean. And neither am I in a serious relationship. I’m married to my work, Lara. I know that sounds extremely dull and boring but it’s true. However, that’s not to say I lack the company of a pretty woman when I want it.’

‘You mean you like to play the field? I suppose that’s why there’s no one serious in your life, then.’

She sighed. But whether that sigh signified disapproval or disappointment Gabriel couldn’t guess.

Staring at the dense shroud of trees and bushes that her lively pet terrier had disappeared into, she suddenly called out, ‘Barney! Here, boy! Come on back, now.’

When the dog didn’t immediately appear, Lara turned her gaze back to Gabriel.

‘I worry when he suddenly goes quiet,’ she admitted, ‘I’d better go and see where he’s got to. He might have got stuck down a rabbit hole or something. It’s happened before. Why don’t you wait here for me? You’ve already got your posh shoes all muddy, and the ground on the other side of those trees and bushes is invariably quite boggy. Hopefully I won’t be too long.’

‘I don’t give a damn about my shoes, and I haven’t left my jacket back at the house and rolled up my shirtsleeves for nothing. I’m not concerned about getting dirty. I’ll come and help you find the dog.’

‘His name’s Barney!’

Again Lara looked affronted, and again Gabriel couldn’t resist goading her.

‘Who’s he named after? One of your ex-boyfriends?’

‘He’s my parents’ dog, not mine, you ninny.’

‘You always used to call me that. You might be surprised to know I found it quite endearing.’

‘Now, that I don’t believe. My perception was that it irritated you. I was the pesky sixteen-year-old sister of your friend, remember? You didn’t take me at all seriously. You put up with me out of politeness to Sean and my parents, I’m sure.’

‘That’s not true.’ Gabriel frowned, perturbed that Lara had believed that.

‘Come on, then.’ As if intuiting his disturbance, she gave him a cheery smile. ‘Let’s go and find Barney.’

As he squelched through the dense and muddied undergrowth in his thousand-dollar Italian loafers, with the damp leaves of bushes and thickets brushing against his immaculate white shirt, occasionally stumbling when he lost his balance, Gabriel had to smile at the ludicrous image he must present. His colleagues on Wall Street would have a field day if they could see him.

Strangely enough, that made him smile even more. In truth, he wasn’t predisposed to be glum or morose. He honestly thought that he had the best of it. How could he not when he was following behind the long-legged beauty in tight jeans in front of him?