Scandalous Secrets: Secrets Of The Past

It had been like that back in high school. She had gone years having Heath live with her family, trying to keep her attraction to him in check. Heath had been the first boy she’d ever kissed. She liked him. But somehow, once he came to the farm, it seemed inappropriate. So she tried to ignore it as he got older and grew more handsome. She tried to tell herself they were just friends when they would talk for hours.

By their senior year, they were the only kids left on the farm and it was getting harder for her to ignore the sizzle of tension between them. After what had happened to her five years earlier, she hadn’t really dated. She’d kissed a boy or two, but nothing serious and nothing remotely close enough to hit her panic button. It was easy. Heath was the only one who got her blood pumping. The one who made her whole body tingle and ache to be touched. So she avoided him.

But it wasn’t until they were alone in Paris that she let herself indulge her attraction. There, with the romantic twinkling lights and soft music serenading them, he’d told her he loved her. That he’d always loved her. This had to be the right thing to do. She loved him. He was her best friend. Heath would never hurt her. It was perfect.

Until her nerves got the best of her. Kissing was great. Roaming hands were very nice. But anything more serious made her heart race unpleasantly. Heath thought maybe she was saving herself for marriage and that would remove the last of her doubts. So they got married. And it only got worse.

Julianne sighed and carried the blow-dryer back into the bathroom. Funny how the thing that was supposed to bring them together forever—the ultimate relationship step—was what ended up dooming them.

It was easy to forget about her problems when her brushes with Heath were few and far between. They were both busy, and usually he didn’t want to talk about their issues any more than she did. That did not seem to be the case any longer. She could tell that something had gotten into him, but she didn’t know what. Perhaps Ken’s second heart attack made him realize life was too short to waste it married to someone who didn’t love him like she should. Or maybe he’d found someone else but hadn’t told anyone about it yet.

That thought was enough to propel her out of the room and downstairs for some lunch. She didn’t like thinking about Heath with someone else. That called for an edible distraction. It was a terrible habit to have, but she was an emotional eater. It had started after Tommy attacked her and it became a constant battle for her after that. Her therapist had helped her recognize the issue and to stop before she started, but when things weren’t going well, it was nothing a cheeseburger and a Diet Coke wouldn’t fix. At least for an hour or so.

At the top of the staircase, Julianne paused. She could hear Heath’s voice carrying from the kitchen. At first, Julianne thought he might be talking to her. She started down the stairs but stopped when she heard him speak again. He was on the phone.

“Hey, sweetheart.”

Sweetheart? Julianne held her breath and took a step backward so he wouldn’t see her on the stairs listening in. Who was he talking to? A dull ache in her stomach that had nothing to do with hunger told her she’d been right before. He hadn’t mentioned dating anyone recently, but that must be what all the sudden divorce talk was about. Why would he tell her if he were seeing someone special? She was a slip of paper away from being his ex-wife, all things considered.

“Aww, I miss you, too.” Heath listened for a moment before laughing. “I know it’s hard, but I’ll be back before you know it.”

There was a tone to his voice that she wasn’t used to hearing—an intimacy and softness she remembered from the time they spent together in Europe. This woman obviously had a special place in Heath’s life. Julianne was immediately struck with a pang of jealousy as she listened in. It was stupid. They’d agreed that if they weren’t together, they were both free to see other people. She’d been living with Danny for a year and a half, so she couldn’t complain.

“You know I have to take care of some things here. But look on the bright side. When all this is handled and I come home, we can make that Caribbean vacation you’ve been dreaming about a reality. But you’ve got to be patient.”

“Hang on, baby,” Julianne muttered to herself with a mocking tone. “I gotta ditch the wife, then we can go frolic on the beach.” And to think he’d been acting like he had been interested in something more between them. When he’d pressed against her, she was certain he still wanted her—at least short-term. He apparently had longer-term plans with someone else.

“Okay. I’ll call again soon. ’Bye, darling.”

Julianne choked down her irritation and descended the stairs with loud, stomping feet. When she turned toward the kitchen, Heath was leaning casually against the counter, holding his cell phone and looking pointedly at her. He had changed into a snug pair of designer jeans that hugged the thick muscles of his thighs and a button-down shirt in a mossy green that matched the color of his eyes. This was a middle-of-the-road look, a comfortable median between his sleepy casual style and his corporate shark suits. He looked handsome, put together and, judging by the light in his eyes, amused by her irritation.

“Something the matter?” he asked.

“No,” she said quickly. There wasn’t anything wrong. He could do whatever and whomever he wanted. That wasn’t any concern of hers, no matter how spun up she seemed to be at the moment.

It was just because she’d never been faced with it before. That was it. Neither she nor Heath had ever brought anyone home to meet the family. They both dated, but it was an abstract concept that wasn’t waved in her face like a red cape in front of a bull.

“I know you were listening in on my conversation.”

She took a deep breath and shrugged. “Not really, but it was hard to ignore with all that mushy sweetheart nonsense.”

The corners of Heath’s mouth curled in amusement. “What’s the matter, Jules? Are you jealous?”

“Why on earth would I be jealous?” she scoffed. “We’re married, but it doesn’t really mean anything. You’re free to do what you want. I mean, if I wanted you, I could’ve had you, so obviously, I wouldn’t be jealous.”

“I don’t know,” Heath said, his brow furrowing. “Maybe you’re starting to regret your decision.”

“Not at all.”

She said the words too quickly, too forcefully, and saw a flash of pain in Heath’s light hazel eyes. It disappeared quickly, a smile covering his emotions the way it always did. Humor was his go-to defense mechanism. It could be maddening sometimes.

“You seem very confident in your decision considering you still haven’t filed for divorce after all this time. Are you sure you want rid of me? Actions speak louder than words, Jules.”

“Absolutely certain. I’ve just been too busy building my career to worry about something that seems so trivial after all this time.”

Heath’s jaw flexed as he considered her statement for a moment. He obviously didn’t care for her choice of words. “We’ve never really talked about it. At least not without yelling. Since it’s so trivial, care to finally tell me what went wrong? I’ve waited a long time to find out.”

Julianne closed her eyes and sighed. She’d almost prefer his heated pursuit to the questions she couldn’t answer. “I’d really rather not, Heath. What does it matter now?”

“You left me confused and embarrassed on my wedding night. Do you know how messed up it was to take my clothes off in front of a girl for the first time and have you react like that? It’s ego-crushing, Jules. It may have been more than a decade ago, but it still matters.”

Julianne planted her hands on her hips and looked down at the floor. This was no time for her to come clean. She couldn’t. “I don’t have anything more to tell you than I did before. I realized it was a mistake. I’m sorry I didn’t correct it until that inopportune time.”

Heath flinched and frowned at her direct words. “You seemed happy enough about it until then.”

“We were in Europe. Everything was romantic and exciting and we were so far from home I could forget all the reasons why it was a bad idea. When faced with…” Her voice trailed off as she remembered the moment her panic hit her like a tidal wave. He was obviously self-conscious enough about her reaction. How could she ever explain to him that it wasn’t the sight of his naked body per se, but the idea of what was to come that threw her into a flashback of the worst day of her life? She couldn’t. It would only hurt him more to know the truth. “When faced with the point of no return, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. I know you want some big, drawn-out explanation as though I’m holding something back, but I’m not. That’s all there is to it.”

“You are so full of crap. I’ve known you since we were nine years old. You’re lying. I know you’re lying. I just don’t know what you’re lying about.” Heath stuck his hands in his pockets and took a few leisurely steps toward her. “But maybe I’m overthinking it. Maybe the truth of the matter is that you’re just selfish.”

He might as well have slapped her. “Selfish? I’m selfish?” That was great. She was lying to protect him. She’d left him so he could find someone who deserved his love, but somehow she was selfish.

“I think so. You want your cake and you want to eat it, too.” Heath held out his arms. “It doesn’t have to be that way. If you want me, I’m right here. Take a bite. Please,” he added with emphasis, his gaze pinning her on the spot and daring her to reach out for him.

Julianne froze, not certain what to do or say. Part of her brain was urging her to leap into his arms and take what he had to give. She wasn’t a scared teenager anymore. She could indulge and enjoy everything she couldn’t have before. The other part worried about what it would lead to. Her divorce attorney’s number was programmed into her phone. Why start something that they were on the verge of finishing for good?

“Maybe this will help you decide.” Heath’s hands went to her waist, pulling her body tight against him. Julianne stumbled a bit, colliding with his chest and placing her hands on his shoulders to catch herself. Her palms made contact with the hard wall of muscle she had seen so many times the last few days but didn’t dare touch. The scent of his shower-fresh skin filled her nose. The assault on her senses made her head swim and her skin tingle with longing to keep exploring her newfound discovery.

She looked up at him in surprise, not quite sure what to do. His lips found hers before she could decide. At first, she was taken aback by the forceful claim of her mouth. This was no timid teenager kissing her. The hard, masculine wall pressed against her was all grown up.

In their youth, he had never handled her with less care than he would a fragile piece of pottery. Now, he had lost what control he had. And she liked it. They had more than a decade of pent-up sexual tension, frustration and downright anger between them. It poured out of his fingertips, and pressed into her soft flesh, drawing cries of pleasure mingled with pain in the back of her throat.

Matching his ferocity, she clung to his neck, pulling him closer until his body was awkwardly arched over hers. Every place he touched seemed to light on fire until her whole body burned for him. She was getting lost in him, just as she had back then.

And then he pulled away. She had to clutch at the countertop to stay upright once his hard body withdrew its support.

His hazel eyes raked over her body, noting her undeniable response to his kiss. “So what’s it going to be, Jules? Are the two of us over and done? Decide.”

There were no words. Her brain was still trying to process everything that just happened. Her body ached for him to touch her again. Her indecisiveness drew a disappointed frown across his face.

“Or,” he continued, dropping his arms to his side, “do like you’ve always done. A big nothing. You say you don’t want me, but you don’t want anyone else to have me, either. You can’t have it both ways. You’ve got to make up your mind, Jules. It’s been eleven years. Either you want me or you don’t.”

“I don’t think the two of us are a good idea,” she admitted at last. That was true. They weren’t a good idea. Her body just didn’t care.

“Then what are you waiting for? End it before you sink your next relationship.” Heath paused, his brow furrowing in thought. “Unless that’s how you like it.”

“How I like what?”

“Our marriage is your little barrier to the world. You’ve dated at least seven or eight guys that I know of, none of them ever getting serious. But that’s the way you want it. As long as you’re married, you don’t have to take it to the next level.”

“You think I like failing? You think I want to spend every Christmas here watching everyone snuggled up into happy little couples while I’m still alone?”

“I think a part of you does. It might suck to be alone, but it’s better than making yourself vulnerable and getting hurt. Trust me, I know what it’s like to get your heart ripped out and stomped on. Being lonely doesn’t come close to that kind of pain. I’m tired of you using me, Jules. Make a decision.”

“Fine!” Julianne pushed past him, her vision going red as she stomped upstairs into her room. He’d kissed her and insulted her in less than a minute’s time. If he thought she secretly wanted to be with him, he was very, very wrong. She snatched her cell phone off the bed and went back to the kitchen.

By the time she returned, the phone was ringing at her attorney’s office. “Hello? This is Julianne Eden.” Her gaze burrowed into Heath’s as she spoke. “Would you please let Mr. Winters know that I’m ready to go forward with the divorce paperwork? Yes. Please overnight it to my secondary address in Connecticut. Thank you.”

She slammed her phone onto the kitchen table with a loud smack that echoed through the room. “If you want a divorce so damn bad, fine. Consider it done!”

Five

The rest of the afternoon and most of the next day were spent working. They focused on their chores, neither willing to broach the subject of their argument and set off another battle. The divorce papers would arrive at any time. They had things to get done. There was no sense rehashing it.

They were unloading the last of her equipment from the rental truck when Heath spied Sheriff Duke’s patrol car coming up the driveway.

Julianne was beside him, frozen like a deer in the oncoming lights of a car. He handed her the box he’d been carrying. “Take this and go inside. Don’t come out unless I come get you.”

She didn’t argue. She took the box and disappeared through the back door of the storage room. He shut the door behind her and walked around the bunkhouse to where Duke’s Crown Victoria was parked beside his Porsche.

Duke climbed out, eyeballing the sports car as he rounded it to where Heath was standing. “Afternoon, Heath.”

Heath shook his hand politely and then crossed his arms over his chest. This wasn’t a social call and he wouldn’t let his guard down for even a second thinking that it was. “Evening, Sheriff. What can I do for you?”

Duke slipped off his hat, gripping it in his left hand. “I just came from the hospital. I spoke with your folks.”

Heath tried to keep the anger from leaching into his voice, but the tight clench of his jaw made his emotions obvious as he spoke. “You interviewed my father in the hospital after open-heart surgery? After he had a heart attack the last time you spoke? Did you try to arrest him this time, too?”

“He’s not in critical condition,” Duke said. “Relax. He’s fine. Was when I got there and was when I left. The doctors say he’s doing better than expected.”

Heath took a deep breath and tried to uncoil his tense muscles. He still wasn’t happy, but at least Ken was okay. “I assume you’re not here to give me an update on Dad as a public service to the hospital.”

A faint smile curled Duke’s lips. “No, I’m not. Would you care to sit down somewhere?”

“Do I need a lawyer?” Heath asked.

“No. Just wanting to ask a few questions. You’re not a suspect at this time.”

“Then no, I’m fine standing.” Heath wasn’t interested in getting comfortable and drawing out this conversation. He could outstand the older officer by a long shot. “What can I help you with?”

Duke nodded softly, obviously realizing he wasn’t going to be offered a seat and some tea like he would if Molly were home. “First, I wanted to let you know that Ken and Molly are no longer suspects. I was finally able to verify their story with accounts of others in town.”

“Like what?” Heath asked.

“Well, Ken had always maintained he was sick in bed all that day with the flu. I spoke to the family physician and had him pull old records from the archives. Ken did come in the day before to see the doctor. Doc said it was a particularly bad strain of flu that year. Most people were in bed for at least two days. I don’t figure Ken was out in the woods burying a body in the shape he was in.”

“He was sick,” Heath added. “Very sick. Just as we’ve told you before.”

“People tell me a lot of things, Heath. Doesn’t make it true. I’ve got to corroborate it with other statements. We’ve established Ken was sick that day. So, how did that work on the farm? If Ken wasn’t working, did the whole group take the day off?”

“No,” Heath answered with a bit of a chuckle. Sheriff Duke obviously hadn’t grown up on a farm. “Life doesn’t just stop when the boss is feeling poorly. We went on with our chores as usual. Wade picked up a few of the things that Ken normally did. Nothing particularly special about it. That’s what we did whenever anyone was sick.”

“And what about Tommy?”

“What about him?” Heath wasn’t going to volunteer anything without being asked directly.

“What was he doing that day?”

Heath sighed and tried to think back. “It’s been a long time, Sheriff, but if I had to guess, I’d figure he was doing a lot of nothing. That’s what he did most days. He tended to go out into the trees and mess around. I never saw him put in an honest afternoon’s work.”

“I heard he got into some fights with the other boys.”

Heath wasn’t going to let Duke zero in on his brothers as suspects. “That’s because he was lazy and violent. He had a quick temper and, on more than one occasion, took it out on one of us.”

Sheriff Duke’s dark gaze flicked over Heath’s face for a moment as he considered his answers. “I bet you didn’t care much for Tommy.”

“No one did. You know what kind of stuff he was into.”

“I can’t comment on that. You know his juvenile files are sealed.”

“I don’t need to see his files to know what he’d done. I lived with him. I’ve got a scar from where he shoved me into a bookcase and split my eyebrow open. I remember Wade’s black eye. I know about the stealing and the drugs and the fights at school. You can’t seal my memories, Sheriff.” Some days he wished he could.

Duke shuffled uncomfortably on his feet. “When was the last time you saw Tommy?”

“The last time I saw him…” Heath tried to remember back to that day. He spent most of his time trying not to think about it. The image of Tommy’s blank, dead stare and the pool of blood soaking into the dirt was the first thing to come to mind. He quickly put that thought away and backed up to before that moment. Before he heard the screams and found Tommy and Julianne together on the ground. “It was just after school. We all came home, Molly brought us some snacks to the bunkhouse and told us Ken was sick in bed. We finished up and each headed out to do our chores. I went into the eastern fields.”

“Did you see Tommy go into the woods that day?”

“No.” And he hadn’t. “Tommy was still sitting at the kitchen table when I left. But that’s where he should’ve been going.”

“Was he acting strangely that day?”

He had been. “He was a little quieter than usual. More withdrawn. I figured he’d had a bad day at school.” Tommy had also been silently eyeing Julianne with an interest he didn’t care for. But he wasn’t going to tell Duke that. No matter what happened between the two of them and their marriage, that wouldn’t change. He’d sworn to keep that secret, to protect her above all else, and he would. Even if he grew to despise her one day, he would keep his promise.

“Had he ever mentioned leaving?”

“Every day,” Heath said, and that was true. “He was always talking big about how he couldn’t wait to get away. He said we were like some stupid television sitcom family and he couldn’t stand any of us. He said that when he was eighteen, he was getting the hell out of this place. Tommy didn’t even care about finishing school. I suppose a diploma didn’t factor much into the lines of work he was drawn to. When he disappeared that day, I always figured he decided not to wait. His birthday was coming up.”

Duke had finally taken out a notepad and was writing a few things down. “What made you think he ran away?”

This was the point at which he had to very carefully dance around the truth. “Well, Wade found a note on his bed. And his stuff wasn’t in his room when we looked the next morning.” The note and the missing belongings were well-documented from the original missing-persons report. The fact that they never compared the handwriting to any of the other children on the farm wasn’t Heath’s fault. “It all added up for me. With Ken sick, it might have seemed like the right day to make his move.” Unfortunately, he’d made his move on Julianne when she was alone in the trees.

“Did he ever talk to you about anything? His friends or his plans?”

At that, a nervous bit of laughter escaped Heath’s lips. “I was a scrawny, thirteen-year-old twerp that did nothing but get in his way. Tommy didn’t confide in anyone, but especially not in me.”

“He didn’t talk to your brothers?”

Heath shrugged. “Tommy shared a room with Wade. Maybe he talked to him there. But he was never much for chatting with the rest of us. More than anything he talked at us, not to us. He said nothing but ugly things to Brody, so he avoided Tommy. Xander always liked to keep friendly with everyone, but even he kept his distance.”

“And what about Julianne?”

Heath swallowed hard. It was the first time her name had been spoken aloud in the conversation and he didn’t like it. “What about her?”

“Did she have much to do with Tommy?”

“No,” Heath said a touch too forcefully. Sheriff Duke looked up at him curiously. “I mean, there was no reason to. She lived in the big house and still went to junior high with me. If they spoke, it was only in passing or out of politeness on her part.”

Duke wrote down a few things. Heath wished what he’d said had been true. That Tommy hadn’t given the slightest notice to the tiny blonde. But as much as Julianne tried to avoid him, Tommy always found a way to intersect her path. She knew he was dangerous. They all did. They just didn’t know what to do about it.

“Were they ever alone together?”

At that, Heath slowly shook his head. He hoped the sheriff didn’t see the regret in his eyes or hear it in his voice as he spoke. “Only a fool would have left a little girl alone with a predator like Tommy.”

Heath had been quiet and withdrawn that night. Julianne expected him to say something. About what happened with Sheriff Duke, about their kiss, about their argument or the divorce papers…but nothing happened. After Duke left, Heath had returned to unloading the truck. When that was done, he volunteered to drive into town and pick up a pizza.

While he was gone, the courier arrived with the package from her attorney. She flipped through it, giving it a cursory examination, and then dropped it onto the kitchen table. She wasn’t in the mood to deal with that today.