An Orphan’s War

‘No, it’s—’

‘Not upset because I’ve got to go back to camp tomorrow, are you?’ Johnny interrupted as though he was too impatient to listen to her. ‘Because if you are, forget it. You don’t have to worry about me.’

‘I know I don’t, Johnny. You can take care of yourself. You’ll be busy and that’s why I want to keep busy … and not just wait until you come home.’

His eyes were on her, as though he was trying to decipher her meaning. ‘Even with me away you can be busy looking for a place to rent. Give you something to think about. And if you really like something, I’ll be happy if you sign up. After all, you’ll be the one in it all day – not me.’

A spurt of anger leapt in her chest.

‘Johnny, you don’t seem to understand. I am going to finish my training and take my finals. And what’s more, I’m thinking of applying to one of the London hospitals to do just that.’

His face set in a hard expression she’d never seen before. ‘Since when did you decide this?’

‘I haven’t made any decision yet, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. Mum has the best intentions but she smothers me. Living at home I’m still her child. She forgets I’m a grown woman.’

‘And a married one.’ Johnny’s voice had an edge to it. ‘My wife, in case you’ve forgotten.’

‘Please don’t start that again, Johnny. I’m not a simpering female – you should know that by now.’

‘Why do you want to leave Liverpool, for heaven’s sake? Your father’s not in the best health. Aren’t you being selfish?’

‘He’s all right at the moment. If anything should happen – if he gets worse – I’d come home immediately.’

Johnny took his time to light a cigarette. He inhaled deeply and blew out a stream of smoke.

‘If – and I say “if” – I allow you to carry on working, against all my better judgement, will you forget the idea of London?’

‘I told you, Johnny, it’s just a thought.’

Johnny had refused to discuss her idea of going to London anymore. She knew he wouldn’t understand why she’d want to leave Liverpool as he’d always said he’d never want to live anywhere else in the world. But this was far more serious. His attitude seemed to be that she was a possession rather than a woman with her own brain, and the Johnny she’d known and adored was fading. It was as though being married had cost them their precious friendship. Somehow it made it even more imperative that she take decisions for her own career. And that might mean transferring to London.

‘Take care of yourself, Max,’ Johnny shouted from the open window of the train as it began to roll out of the station the next morning.

‘You, too,’ she called, swallowing the lump in her throat. In spite of their disagreement, she knew she’d worry herself sick about him until she heard from him.

She half ran to catch the tram to take her back to the hospital. Her shift would start in an hour so she needed to hurry.

As the tram trundled along, Maxine peered out of the window, which for once was reasonably clean. Liverpool looked exactly the same as it always did. People rushing to work, shopping, the familiar landmarks of the adjoining historic buildings – the Derby Museum, the Walker Art Gallery and the impressive Central Library – no signs at all that the country was at war.

Her attention was suddenly caught by a tall RAF officer with a couple of books under his arm, running from the library towards her tram. There was something about him. A sense of urgency and the determined expression on his face as he drew nearer. She couldn’t help watching him, wondering if he’d manage to catch the tram before it pulled away. Just as he was about to board, the doors shut in his face and Maxine noticed his expression turned to raw annoyance. Before she could look away he gazed directly up at her through the window, his dark eyes holding hers for several long seconds. Her stomach fluttered. She had the strangest feeling that he knew her.

She felt disappointed for him that he hadn’t quite made it; she refused to acknowledge that she was a trifle disappointed for herself.

‘Mum?’

‘Is that you, dear?’

Her mother always asked the same question every evening, as if it was possible she was someone else calling her ‘Mum’.

Maxine opened the kitchen door where her mother was making supper.

‘Ah, there you are. I’m nearly ready.’ She tipped her cheek for her daughter’s kiss. ‘Go and call your father … Oh, there’s a letter for you.’

Maxine hung up her coat in the hall and picked up the envelope that was propped on the chiffonier behind an empty jug. She glanced at the large sprawling writing. Pearl. Hmm. Her cousin didn’t usually write unless she wanted something. She’d look at it later. For now she’d decided to talk to her parents. Tell them her idea. They needed time to digest this kind of plan.

Supper was quiet, as usual. Her father liked to eat in peace and it was rare for the three of them to have a conversation, let alone a serious discussion, unless Mickey was home. Then he’d talk non-stop and her mother would smile indulgently. Thank goodness Mickey wouldn’t be coming home yet. He’d have plenty to say about her announcement, throwing it in the worst possible light and alarming her mother. Maxine sighed. She would have to wait until she’d helped her mother clear the table and wash up. By then her father would be settled in his favourite armchair, smoking his pipe and listening to the wireless.

‘Are you quite well, Maxine?’ Her mother’s voice sounded anxious. ‘You haven’t finished your supper … it’s your favourite.’

She sent her mother an apologetic smile.

‘I think I’m a bit tired, that’s all. It’s been a long day.’ She put another small forkful in her mouth but it stuck in her throat. She swallowed twice to dislodge it and laid her fork down. ‘It’s just that I want to tell you both something, though it’s not absolutely definite yet.’

Her mother looked across the table, her face suddenly wreathed in smiles. ‘Oh, my dear. How wonderful.’ She turned to Maxine’s father. ‘Isn’t it wonderful, Stan? Our little girl.’

Her father looked bemused. ‘Let her finish, Edna. She’s—’

‘I’m sure it’s definite,’ Maxine’s mother broke in. ‘And I’ve been hoping you wouldn’t keep us waiting too long.’ She sent her daughter a tender look. ‘That’s why you’ve lost your appetite.’

Whatever was her mother on about? But then the penny dropped. She thought her daughter was going to have a baby.

‘You’ll be giving up work now, won’t you?’ her mother went on. ‘I know what it’s like. You’ll need me to look after you.’

‘Mum, I’m not expecting, if that’s what you’re thinking.’

Her mother’s face visibly fell. ‘Well, of course that’s what I thought you meant. What else could it be?’

‘Let her tell us herself, Edna. Try not to keep interrupting.’ Her father’s tone was calm.

‘I’ve been thinking about going to St Thomas’ hospital in London … it has an excellent reputation … and now Johnny’s joined up, I fancy a change,’ she finished lamely.

There. She’d said it. Two pairs of wary eyes swivelled towards her.

‘You’re leaving us?’ Her mother’s voice rose as she reached in her apron pocket for her handkerchief. She blew loudly into the piece of white cloth. ‘We thought you were so happy at the Royal Infirmary.’ She emphasised the word. ‘That’s what you wanted.’

No, Mum – it was what you wanted, Maxine thought. I wanted to teach youngsters.

‘I’ve loved every minute there,’ she said instead. ‘But I think I’ll be more useful in London. That’s where the Germans will aim. For the docks.’

‘Liverpool will catch plenty as well, there’s no doubt of that.’ Her father swayed on the two back legs of his chair. ‘It’s a very important port strategically … our route to America, where we’ll be getting our supplies. A perfect target, I would think.’

‘It doesn’t alter what I’d like to do,’ Maxine said quietly. ‘You know I appreciate everything you’ve done for me, but I’d like this to be my decision.’

Her father nodded. ‘Of course we wouldn’t stand in your way – you’re a married woman.’ He put his knife and fork neatly together on the plate and glanced across to his wife. ‘Very tasty, dear.’

‘I suppose you have told Johnny,’ her mother said, intuitive for once.

‘I’ve mentioned it.’

‘And what did he say?’

‘That’s between him and me,’ Maxine said, gently but firmly.

Her mother looked at her, astonished. But all she said was, ‘When do you plan to go?’ She rose to collect the dirty plates as though she couldn’t wait to get out of the room – didn’t want to hear Maxine’s answer.

‘I told you, Mum,’ Maxine said in exasperation, ‘I haven’t planned that far ahead. I don’t even know if there’s a vacancy. I imagine they’re short of nurses, but I wouldn’t leave here until they offered me a job – presumably I’d have to have an interview first.’

‘Hmm.’ Her mother’s lips pulled tight. ‘Let’s hope they don’t allow married women.’

Maxine made her excuse and left the table as soon as she could and went up to her room. Her unmade bed seemed to reprimand her, but she’d been in such a hurry this morning and hadn’t had time to make it. As she bent to pull the blankets up and plump the pillow, she felt Pearl’s letter sticking out of her skirt pocket. Ripping it open with her fingers, defying her father’s instructions to always use a proper paperknife and make a neat job of it, she pulled out the single sheet.

18th May, 1940

Dear Max,

I haven’t seen you lately, but I expect you’ve been busy at the hospital. I do hope you and Aunt and Uncle are well and that you’re enjoying your nursing. It sounds very romantic, looking after patients and getting them well.

I have some exciting news! I went for an audition last week to sing and dance in Better Days at the Empire and have got in!!! But rehearsals every day mean I’ll have to give up work. So I wonder if I can ask you for a teensy-weensy favour. Could you lend me some money to tide me over? Maybe £25? I think that would do it. Of course I’d pay you back at the first opportunity. I’m not a star or anything, but I have got quite a good part, though it won’t pay any more than Woolworth’s to begin with, and we don’t get paid until the show opens in six weeks’ time.

I didn’t really know anyone to ask in the family, but if you don’t have the cash, or are unwilling, I quite understand. But if you can help I’d be very grateful.

Much love,

Your cousin Pearl

XX

She might have known. And she did have some money tucked away. It was difficult to save anything from her modest wages after giving her mother ten shillings a week for her board, but she made some extra cash by doing sewing for some of the nurses in the evenings and weekends. Twenty-five pounds though would wipe out most of it. She’d need a buffer to pay for her fare to London and a bit over to manage with until she got paid at the end of her first week. That is, if she got an offer.

No, it was impossible. She might be able to lend her cousin a fiver, but no more. And she wouldn’t trust the post. She’d go and see Pearl tomorrow evening, straight from work.

Chapter Three

Maxine took the tram to Bold Street where Pearl lived, still in two minds how much to lend her. Her cousin’s lodgings consisted of two rooms and a shared bathroom above a fish and chip shop. As she approached the building she noticed four lads huddled together on top of a pile of planks on the shop’s windowsill, poring over a newspaper. She hid a smile. They couldn’t have been more than eight or nine, she thought, but they were intently reading the headlines. They didn’t even look up as she brushed past them and entered the shop. The stale smell of fried dripping immediately filled her nostrils.

‘We haven’t seen you for a time, young Maxine,’ Mr Rowe glanced up from his deep-fat frying pan, his face red from the heat and his greying moustache bristling as he beamed at her.

‘I’ve been very busy at the hospital and don’t get a lot of time off.’

‘How’s that husband of yours?’

Maxine sighed. ‘I haven’t heard for the past two weeks so can only hope he’s all right.’ She needed to change the subject quickly. ‘Do you know if Pearl’s in?’

‘Far as I know.’ He deftly removed some sizzling pieces of fish and laid them out in the warming cabinet. ‘She’s already been in for her lunch.’ He nodded. ‘Go on through, love.’

Maxine stepped through the back of the shop and climbed a flight of stairs. She could still hear muffled sounds of the traffic inside the building, but even though Pearl’s rooms were in the centre of a noisy commercial district she couldn’t help feeling a twinge of envy. Pearl lived on her own – answerable to no one. She did exactly what she wanted and blow everyone else. She’d been expelled from school for smoking and her parents had had no control over her whatsoever. Maxine believed her aunt and uncle were secretly relieved when their daughter was off their hands. But Pearl hadn’t until now been able to fulfil her dream of going on the stage. Her parents had done their best to persuade her to learn shorthand and typewriting but being in an office was the last thing Pearl was going to do. Instead she’d accepted a job in the haberdashery department of Woolworth’s, much to their shame.

She and Pearl were different in every way, Maxine mused, but they’d always been friends, against both mothers’ wishes. Her mother was forever warning Maxine that Pearl was a bad influence and not to spend too long in her company.

Guiltily, she realised she hadn’t visited Pearl since her wedding, though the lapse was nothing to do with her mother’s comments. Maxine had had several months of nights at the hospital and it had been difficult to fit in social visits with trying to sleep in the daytime – almost impossible in a small terraced house.

Bits of lino were missing on some of the treads of the second flight of stairs to Pearl’s quarters, and once Maxine caught her heel, ripping it a little further. A baby cried and the smell of soiled babies’ napkins from one of the first-floor flats wafted up, but she was used to worse when she walked through the babies’ ward. She knocked and instantly the door opened. There stood Pearl looking lovely as always in a navy straight skirt that slimmed her eager curves and a bright pink top with scooped neckline and short sleeves. High heels raised her a little nearer Maxine’s height. Her grin nearly split her face in two.

‘Max! What a lovely surprise. I didn’t expect you to come over this quickly. You’re lucky I’m here. Come on in.’

She stood aside while Maxine brushed past her into the one large room with a kitchenette at one end. Pearl had a bedroom and use of a box room off the landing, and shared a bathroom with the family downstairs. Although Pearl kept it clean enough, the room was terribly untidy; so different from the way Maxine’s house-proud mother kept her home. She mustn’t compare. This was homely and friendly, which Maxine didn’t always feel in her own house.

‘Take your jacket off. I’ll make some tea. Or would you like something stronger?’ Her cousin sent her a mischievous smile. ‘A gin and orange?’

‘No, thanks. But tea would be lovely.’

Pearl filled the kettle and put it on to boil, all the while talking to Maxine.

‘Nursing seems to suit you.’ She turned to have a closer look at her cousin. ‘Or is it married life you’ve taken to?’ she asked, a chuckle escaping her full lips. ‘Can’t believe it’s been nearly a year since the wedding when I last saw you.’

‘I could count on two hands how many days Johnny and I have spent together,’ Maxine said, ruefully.

‘Yeah, but what about the nights? That’s the bit I want to hear about.’

Maxine laughed. ‘I don’t think it’s all people make out.’

‘Hmm … maybe not, if it’s not with the right person.’ Pearl frowned as she measured out one-and-a-half level teaspoons of tea in the pot and poured the boiling water over the leaves. She popped a tea cosy over the teapot and looked up. ‘I always thought Johnny was more a brother than a boyfriend. No one was more surprised than me when I got the invitation to say you were marrying him. Sounded like a hurried decision to me. I even wondered if you’d got a pea in the pod.’

Maxine couldn’t help laughing. Pearl always prided herself on calling a spade a spade.

‘Not then or now,’ she said. ‘I’ve little time for that, though Johnny would love it if I did. But I want to continue my training and eventually do my finals before I even think about starting a family.’

She felt Pearl give her a sharp look. ‘And how does Johnny feel about that?’

‘He’s not keen,’ Maxine admitted. ‘But I think I’ve talked him round.’

Pearl shook her head. ‘It’s impossible to talk any man round,’ she said firmly as she set out the tea tray.

‘Let me help,’ Maxine offered.

‘No, you sit there. I know what it’s like to be on your feet all day.’ Pearl brought the tray over and poured out the two cups. ‘Biscuit?’

Maxine shook her head. ‘I had an early supper in the canteen.’ She paused. ‘Anyway, enough of me. It’s you I’ve come to talk about.’

‘You got my letter?’ Pearl sucked in her breath as though bracing herself for her cousin’s answer.

‘Yes, I did. And congratulations for getting through the audition. That was marvellous news. I know it’s what you’ve always wanted, ever since you were a little girl and made us act out your stories with strange costumes and props.’

‘Being an only child, I had to make do with you as my nearest playmate.’ Pearl grinned. ‘We had fun, didn’t we?’

‘We certainly did.’ Maxine chuckled. ‘Until you moved over the other side of town. I can’t believe how the time’s gone. All those years ago. And now you’ve become a real actress. What did your parents say when you told them?’

Pearl’s face fell. ‘They’ve washed their hands of me. My father said he’s not going to come and see it. Mam didn’t exactly say that, but you know how she always does what he says.’

‘I’m sorry to hear that. But they’re a bit old-fashioned. You have to see it from their point of view.’

‘Well, I’m not letting them stop me. It’s my dream and I’m going to grab it with both hands.’

‘Have you started rehearsals yet?’

‘Next week.’ Pearl gulped her tea and set down her cup and saucer on a small table by her chair. ‘I’ve met most of the cast. They seem a nice crowd.’ She looked at Maxine. ‘I’ve had to give my notice in at Woolworth’s.’

‘What did they say?’

‘Oh, they were sorry to lose me … that sort of thing. They did give me an extra week’s wages, which I didn’t expect.’ She withdrew a packet of cigarettes from her handbag and took two out, offering one to Maxine who shook her head. Pearl lit it and inhaled deeply. ‘I hope you didn’t mind me asking, Max … about the money.’ She looked directly at Maxine.

‘No, I didn’t mind. The only problem is, I’ll need some extra money myself because I’m thinking of transferring to St Thomas’ hospital in London.’

Pearl raised her eyebrows. ‘Oh? Any particular reason?’

‘I want to specialise in heart diseases, and they’re known for it.’

Pearl narrowed her eyes. ‘The truth now.’

Maxine’s face flooded with heat.

‘You’ve been married less than a year and Johnny’s away practically all the time so you can’t feel stifled.’ She stared at Maxine. ‘Or is it Aunt Edna and Uncle Stan?’

‘Well, it’s time I broke from them,’ Maxine said, a little pink that Pearl had grasped the main reason for going. ‘After all, I am married, and if Johnny hadn’t joined up we’d have our own place by now. It doesn’t even feel as though I’m married when I’m still living at home.’

‘I can’t blame you there.’ Pearl was thoughtful for once. ‘No, of course you need your bit of cash. I’ll manage all right – something will turn up – it always does.

‘I’ve got nearly thirty pounds put by.’ Pearl’s mouth opened in amazement. Maxine looked at her cousin. She had to do a bit more to help her. ‘So I’m willing to share it with you – fifteen pounds each. Will that help?’

Pearls’s face broke into a beam. ‘That would be marvellous, Max … but are you sure?’

‘Yes, I’m sure. Far be it from me putting obstacles in the way of my cousin’s forthcoming fame.’ She smiled.

Pearl jumped from her chair and hugged Maxine. ‘You’re a real pal, besides being my favourite cousin.’

‘I believe I’m your only cousin.’ Maxine grinned, hugging her in return.

Pearl laughed. ‘You know I’ll pay you back.’

‘You don’t have to. Regard it as a present … my faith in your acting and singing abilities. Just make sure I get given a ticket to this first show. What’s it about anyway?’

‘It’s a musical called Better Days. I do a bit of singing and dancing, mainly in the chorus. Thanks so much.’ She kissed Maxine’s cheek. ‘I really mean it, Max. You’re a darling. And if I can ever return the favour … you know you’ve only got to ask.’

Chapter Four

Maxine rushed upstairs to read Johnny’s latest letter in the privacy of her bedroom. Sometimes they were censored and someone would black out words or even whole sentences. In the last letter, he mentioned he was going abroad but couldn’t say any more, but in this one he sounded excited and told her not to worry if she didn’t hear from him for some time. Something big was on. He finished off:

But if anything should happen to me, Max darling, be happy knowing I wanted to do the right thing and fight for my country. And don’t waste a minute of your life.

All my love, and can’t wait to see you again.

Always your Johnny xxx

She looked at the date – 8th May, but the postmark was blurred. It had taken nearly three weeks to arrive. This was the first time Johnny had hinted that he might not make it. Maxine chewed her bottom lip as she carefully folded his letter and put it back into the envelope. What if he was severely injured? Needing her. She’d never forgive herself if she wasn’t there for him. Momentarily, she closed her eyes. London was out of the question.

The following day, she was in the nurses’ common room when she picked up the Daily Express one of the other nurses had tossed aside. The headlines shouted triumphantly:

TENS OF THOUSANDS SAFELY HOME ALREADY

Many more coming by day and night

SHIPS OF ALL SIZES DARE THE GERMAN GUNS

Conscious she was due back on the ward in ten minutes, she skimmed the article. Every possible vessel which sailed had been sent out to rescue the men … the British, French and Allied troops trapped on the French coast. Her heart missed a beat. She knew without a shadow of a doubt that Johnny was on the other side of the Channel – in Dunkirk. And try as she might, she couldn’t picture him stepping into one of the rescue boats. He would always see that others go before him – inherent in his medical training.

Maybe she was allowing her imagination to run wild. She turned the page, desperate to read more, but there were other stories of battles and no more mention of Dunkirk.

Maxine scanned the papers every day, obsessed with the story. It was the longest week and by the 4th June over 300,000 soldiers had been brought back to British shores. Lists of names of those rescued were published every day, but she never saw Johnny Taylor’s name amongst them. Of course she had no proof he was even at Dunkirk. But she didn’t need proof. His letters had stopped and, as far as she was concerned, that was enough. She was only thankful she’d never applied to St Thomas’. Johnny would need to know she was close by when he returned.