Matt's Family

The Colonel looked up. “Which is where you should be.”

“Don’t start, Dad.”

“It’s time you got back to the job. You owe your country the use of your mind and your strength.”

“I’ve given the Army most of my life since I was sixteen years old and joined Junior ROTC. That’s nearly twenty years.” He tried not to sound defensive.

“Some men give their entire life. You can’t ask for a greater honor.”

“I understand that perspective. But this is a different age from Gettysburg, or World War II, or even Vietnam. Maybe the country needs more than just…more than soldiers.”

“Like what?”

“Well…” Think, Brennan. “Teachers? Government leaders? People to see what the future holds and prepare our kids to handle the challenge?”

“There are plenty of men out there who can teach, make plans. Your combination of skills is what makes the Army work.”

This conversation was destined to go in circles. Matt leaned back in his chair. “I understand, Dad. I’m giving the whole issue a lot of thought. Anything else I can do for you today?” An abrupt change of subject.

But effective. His father drew out his pipe and clamped it between his teeth, avoiding Matt’s eyes. “I got to wondering last night what you and Kristin planned to do for your first anniversary celebration.”

“We haven’t talked about that. I was thinking dinner and that new Broadway show out at the theater. Why?”

His dad actually looked a little embarrassed. “I just…a little fatherly advice here…Why don’t you and Kristin take some time off? Get away, just the two of you, while the girls are in the mountains with Luke and Sarah?”

Matt stared at the man across the desk. “What brought this up?”

“Nothing, really.” The Colonel shrugged. “Well, except it occurred to me that Kristin’s had a rough time these last few years. She might feel…better…if she has you to herself for a while.”

Matt realized he should have thought of this one without help. Maybe that was part of the problem—maybe he’d been taking Kristin for granted. “You’re absolutely right—we should make our own getaway. Where would be a good place to go?”

His father held up his hands. “I’m not meddling any further. You take it from here.”

“I will.” They both got to their feet, and Matt put out his hand again. “Thanks for thinking about us.”

“My pleasure. Kristin will make a good Special Forces wife.”

Laughing, Matt pulled back the glass door panel for his dad to step through. “Give Mom my love.”

The Colonel settled into his beige Cadillac. “Sure thing.”

Matt turned back inside. The office seemed small all at once, and the air smelled stale. He felt as if he’d been cooped up inside forever. How long had it been since he’d slept out under the stars? Maybe he and Kris should go camping…

No. Kris worked hard enough at home—she ought to get a chance to simply relax. But they lived in a beach town, with the ocean just a mile away from their house, so a beach trip wouldn’t mean much. He didn’t like the idea of following Luke to the mountains—sure, there were lots of mountains, but did he have to imitate his little brother right down the line?

So where?

His eye fell on the Gettysburg book and he sat forward to pick it up. Ever since grade school, he’d been fascinated by all aspects of the Civil War. And he’d long promised himself a chance to visit some of the places forever marked by that violent conflict.

Why not now?

A couple of hours of planning later, Matt whistled as he closed up the office. What a great idea this was. He could hardly wait to tell Kris!

ON THE FRIDAY EVENING before the girls were set to leave, Matt caught Kristin’s hand as she got up to start clearing the table after dinner. “I’ve got a surprise for you.”

As she sat down, her heart bumped hard against her ribs. “A surprise?”

“Yeah.” From beside his chair, he brought out a big manila envelope. “You and I are going to take a little trip. An anniversary trip.” He pulled out a sheaf of shiny brochures. “See what you think.”

Fredericksburg. Arlington. Manassas. Antietam. Gettysburg. “Battlefields?” Kristin stared at him blankly over the tableful of dishes. “You want to visit battle-fields?”

He nodded, his blue eyes bright. “And other historic places around them. I’ve lined up some great bed-and-breakfast inns for us to stay in on the way. We can cruise country roads, soak up the fresh air and space, stop when we feel like it, do whatever we want to. How does that sound?”

“You’re planning to bring the girls?” She couldn’t picture Erin or Jenny at their ages being interested in an old war.

“Nope. Just you and me this time. While they’re in the mountains.”

“Oh.” She swung from one kind of dread to another. “Just us.”

“No beds to make, no dishes, no meals to cook, no laundry. Ten days with nothing to do but relax, kick back, enjoy.”

“That…that sounds really nice. But it sounds kind of expensive, too. Can we afford a long trip like that?” Could they afford that much time alone? What would they talk about? Would they discover there was nothing between them anymore but…but duty?

“No problem. Our savings account is pretty fat. I think we can spare the cash.”

She was running out of excuses. “Can you get off work so soon?”

“My leave has already been approved.” His grin disappeared. He searched her face, his eyes wary. “You don’t like the idea, Kris? We can do something else if you want. Or we can stay home.”

“Oh, Matt. No.” Now her heart cramped with guilt. She took his hand with both of hers. “It’s a beautiful idea. I love that part of the country, and it’ll be great to get away from the beach crowds for a while. I’m just…this happened so fast.”

“That’s because it’s a surprise.” He drew her hand to his mouth and kissed her knuckles as Erin and Jenny and Buster tumbled into the kitchen.

“A surprise? What surprise?” Erin grabbed at her half-finished glass of milk. “For me?”

“For me?” Jenny asked, climbing into Kristin’s lap.

Buster sat on his haunches and stared expectantly.

Kristin drew her hand back and managed a laugh. “No, for me. Matt and I are…taking a trip just like the two of you.”

“You’re coming to the mountains, too, Mommy?” Erin nodded. “That’ll be cool.”

“No, love. We’re going to visit some historic places in Virginia and Maryland. You’ll still get time with just your dad and Sarah.”

Jenny tugged on Kristin’s shirt collar. “Where’s that? Can I go?”

Matt drew a paper out of the brochure stack and unfolded a map. “I can show you, Miss Jenny. See, this is the mountains, where you’ll be. And this green line over here…” He traced a route north from Myrtle Beach through Washington, D.C., and beyond. “That’s where your mom and I will be driving.”

Jenny stared, her thumb inching toward her pouting mouth. “Is it very far?”

Erin stood, hands on her hips, studying the map. “What’s at the places with circles?”

Kristin pulled Jenny in closer. “Battlefields, historic houses, um…museums.”

“That doesn’t sound like much fun.” Erin frowned.

“Maybe not when you’re almost eight.” Matt refolded the map. “I like history, though. And these places were really important during the War Between the States.”

Facts always caught Erin’s attention. “What’s that?”

“A time when our country was divided into two parts, and the northern part fought a war against the southern part.”

“Why?”

Kristin smiled at Jenny. “Want to help me clean up while they talk?” As Matt explained the Civil War to Erin, Jenny brought the dishes to the sink and Kristin stacked them in the dishwasher. Both exercises were finished about the same time.

“Can we go to the beach?” Erin asked.

Kristin nodded. “Sure, it’s early. Go get your swimsuits on.” She gave a sigh of relief. The girls had adjusted to the idea of their trip without nearly the resistance she’d expected. Now, if she could only adjust to hers!

SUNDAY MORNING arrived soon enough and went by so fast that Luke and Sarah were at the door before Kristin realized the time had arrived.

“Daddy!” Erin—followed by Buster, as usual—ran through the hall and into Luke’s arms. “I’m all packed. Let’s go!”

He laughed and gave her a hug. “I’m ready if you are. Where’s Jen?”

Jenny came toward them, pulling a wagon loaded with stuffed animals. “These go with me, Daddy.” She extended the handle. “Don’t drop them.”

The four adults gazed at each other, trying not to laugh. Then Luke squatted down to Jenny’s level. “You really need all these animals, Jenny Penny?”

She nodded silently, clutching her very favorite bear to her chest.

Luke looked into her eyes and nodded. “Okay, then. I don’t think we’ve got room for the wagon, but we’ll get these critters in somehow.”

“Would you like some coffee before you go? Tea?” Kristin tried not to sound desperate, though she was.

Luke smiled at her. “You know, I think we should just get on the road. That’ll be easiest.”

She blinked back tears as they all walked out to the car. Maybe she could change her mind…it wasn’t too late…

But Matt’s arm was firm around her waist, giving her the strength she lacked. She could do this. For the girls’ sake, she had to.

“Okay, Erin, Jenny. It’s time for you to head off on your adventure. Give me a hug.” She caught Erin from the back, kissed her cheeks and the top of her head. “Be good for your dad and Sarah. Help out, okay?”

“Okay.”

She allowed herself to pick Jenny up. “Say hello to Smokey the Bear for me, love.”

Jenny’s eyes widened. “I can see Smokey the Bear?”

“He lives in the mountains. You just might.”

“Oh, boy!”

And then the girls were strapped in, with Buster sitting between them. Kristin hugged Sarah, and Luke shook hands with Matt. The brand-new van backed out of the driveway, with all four occupants waving wildly as they drove away.

Kristin smiled and waved as long as the blue van was in sight. When it disappeared, she took one deep breath in the emptiness they’d left behind. Then she turned, buried her face in Matt’s chest and began to sob.

CHAPTER THREE

Sunday

Dear Diary

Mommy gave me this book to remember things I do and places I go. What do I write?

Today Jenny and me went with Daddy and Sarah to go to the mountains. We rode forever. Jenny fell asleep. I brought lots of books to read. Daddy and Sarah played some of my tapes and we sang songs. Sarah sings pretty good. Daddy doesnt but he makes up funny words for the songs.

Jenny woke up for supper. We had pizza.

It was almost dark when we got here so I dont know what mountains look like. Its cold and smells like trees. We have a little house like where Sarah lived before she married Daddy. A kondimium. Me and Jenny have a bedroom with two beds. She cried at bedtime coz Mommys not here.

I didnt cry. I know this is just vakashun. We will get to go home. Mommy sent us off with Luke and Sarah so she an Daddy Matt could go away all alone. I keep tellin Jenny we have to get used to things this way. My frend Trina never sees her dad much. At least we can see Daddy sumtimes. An we have Mommy all the time.

Only Mommy isnt happy now. She doesnt laugh much. Maybe she will be happy when she gets back from her trip.

Im tired of writin. My eyes hurt. By.

Your friend

Erin Elena Brennan

“READY, KRIS?” Matt called up the stairs Wednesday morning.

“Almost. I have a few more things to pack.” Kristin waited with her eyes closed, praying Matt wouldn’t come to find her sitting on their bed, paralyzed with fear. She breathed a sigh of relief when his footsteps receded toward the family room.

Vacation. Who knew the word could be so terrifying? The prospect of ten days alone with her husband should have been the fulfillment of a dream. Instead, she wasn’t sure she’d even survive the next hour. Her heart kept threatening to jump out of her chest.

She drew another deep breath and stood up. This trip would happen whether she was ready or not. Best to be ready. A few more shirts, a couple of pairs of jeans, a sweater…oh, and her makeup bag, in the bathroom.

Kristin fetched the bag, but stopped on the threshold of the bedroom. The pouch was too light. Turning back, she set the bag down on the counter and checked the contents. What had she missed?

Oops. Birth control supplies. This was the first time she and Matt had ever been completely alone. Chances were good they’d be spending time together in bed.

She smiled a little as she took the small pouch out of the drawer and added it to the bag. Thinking about making love with Matt eased her butterflies. Things worked between them, then. His smooth shoulders under her palms and his mouth taking hers…Kristin had no problem anticipating those hours in the dark.

But she had a real problem figuring out what to do with the rest of their day. Talk? About what? Battlefields? War? It was, after all, Matt’s job.

She recalled her mother’s advice—talk him into changing careers. Even if she could bring herself to ask for that sacrifice, she doubted Matt would agree. He’d worked long and hard to get assigned to a Special Forces unit. Instead, maybe they’d discuss when he would go back to regular duty, volunteering for the chance to get himself killed. Or just locked up in a foreign jail for five years, like last time…

“Kris? Kris!”

She jumped and whirled to see Matt standing in the doorway to the bathroom. “I’m sorry. Did you want me?”

He grinned and gave her a sexy wink. “Well, yeah…but I’ll wait. Erin’s on the phone.” He held out the receiver.

“Oh!” Kristin put the handset to her ear. “Erin, love? How are you?”

“Good. Mommy, I got some moccasins!”

“Wow! Are they comfortable?”

“Yes. They’re red. Jenny got tan ones.”

“Lucky girls. How’s Jenny?”

“She’s okay. She keeps getting into my bed, though.”

“Why?”

“She says she’s afraid ’cause you aren’t here.”

Kristin blinked back tears. “Poor Jenny. Can I talk to her?”

“Um, sure.” The phone changed hands.

“Mommy?”

“Hello, sweetheart.” She bit back the urge to comfort and console—that would only give Luke and Sarah more problems. “I hear you have new shoes.”

“Uh-huh.”

“I bet the mountains are pretty.”

“The roads are all twisty.”

Kristin laughed. “I remember that from when I was a little girl. What’s your favorite thing you’ve done?”

A long silence. “Can I come home?” Tears thickened the small voice.

“Jenny, love, why would you want to do that?”

The mumbled reply wasn’t clear, but Kristin got the message.

“Your daddy is so happy to have you and Erin there, Jenny. He and Sarah would be sad if you left. You know that, don’t you?”

Jenny’s reply was a small sniff. “Yes.”

“That’s my girl. You’re going to have a great time.” She put as much conviction as she could muster into her voice, though she felt precious little. “I love you, sweetheart. Now, let me say goodbye to your sister.”

Erin came back to the phone. “Mommy, when are we coming home?”

“You’ve got so much to do, I guess it will be a while yet. Your dad’s got some great ideas. The time’s going to fly. And then we’ll all be together again.”

This time Erin sighed. “I guess so. I love you, Mommy.”

Kristin’s eyes burned. “I love you, too. Sleep tight.”

“Bye.”

“Bye, Erin.” She clicked the button to end the call and stood for a moment leaning against the wall, her eyes closed with her fingers. After just three days, she wasn’t sure she could bear this any longer. Maybe she and Matt should go get the girls, bring them along on the trip to Virginia. The drive from here to Banner Elk in the mountains was about eight hours…

“I got your suitcase. Are you ready?” Matt stood in the bathroom doorway again. “Everything okay with Erin and Jenny?”

“Yes, I think so.” Kristin straightened up and eased past him into the bedroom. “They miss…us…a little bit.”

“Yeah, I imagine.” Only the slightest edge to his voice betrayed that he knew the truth. “And we miss them.”

She nodded.

He put a hand on her shoulder. “Do you want to go get them?”

Her eyes filled up again. Matt gave so much, to the girls and to her. She couldn’t ask him to give up this trip.

Taking a deep breath, she managed a smile. “No. They’ll be okay. Luke and Sarah will see that they enjoy themselves. And we’ve got some battlefields to visit, right?”

His blue eyes searched her face. Kristin hoped she’d hidden her worries well.

“Yeah, we do,” he said. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her forehead, dropped a light one on her nose and brushed her lips with his. He started to draw away, but his arms came around her hard and tight and he found her mouth again, in a kiss that started at a fast burn and only got hotter.

Then on a shuddering breath, Matt straightened up. “There,” he whispered. He cleared his throat. “That’ll give us something to look forward to at the end of the drive.”

His hand slipped to hold hers and lead her out of the bedroom. Comforted, aroused and suddenly eager, Kristin followed him without a backward glance.

AS THE FIRST HOUR of their vacation passed, Matt discovered the flaw in his plans.

He and Kristin weren’t used to talking anymore.

Of course, they actually talked every day. About the girls, about the day’s schedule, about what Erin had done and who Jenny had played with. They talked about his parents, and hers. About furniture to buy and car repairs, checking accounts and insurance premiums. All the plain “stuff” that made up normal life.

But take those things away, and what was there to say?

Judging by the last sixty minutes of driving…Nothing.

Matt glanced across the car. She seemed calm enough, her excellent legs easily crossed, her shoulders relaxed, face turned to catch the scenery speeding by the side window. A movement in her lap caught his eye. Her hands were clasped loosely. But one thumb tapped an anxious tattoo on the other.

Okay. Kris was nervous about this, too. What could they talk about?

He said the first thing that came to his head. “I got a surprise phone call the other day.”

“Who was it?” Obviously willing to break the silence, she shifted in the seat to face him, curling her legs up underneath her.

“Lee Holt—he was stationed with me up at Fort Bragg.”

“Where is he stationed now?”

Matt suddenly had second thoughts about where this conversation would lead. “Uh…he’s been out of the Army for about three years.”

“Oh, really? Did he stay the full twenty before retirement?”

Matt cursed his own stupidity in ever bringing up the subject. “No, as a matter of fact. He was a couple of years behind me.” The next question was predictable and unavoidable.

“Why did he get out so early?”

“After…Africa…he didn’t have the heart, he said, to stay in.”

“He was in Africa with you?” The sudden chill in the air had nothing to do with the air conditioner.

“Yeah.”

“For all five years?”

“Uh…no. He was there for about two and a half years, I think.”

“He came home before you did?” Kristin dragged in a painful breath. “And he didn’t tell us you were alive?”

“He couldn’t do that, Kris. Our mission was classified.”

Kristin stared at her husband. Oh, God. She and Luke had still been sleeping apart at that point. If she’d thought for one moment that Matt would come home…

Jenny would never have been born.

She covered her face with her hands. “I can’t believe anyone could have been so heartless.”

“He had a responsibility to the Army. And he was under strict orders to keep quiet.”

She dropped her hands and looked over at Matt’s grim profile. “Could you do that? Would you have done that to some other wife?”

His knuckles whitened as he gripped the wheel. “Kris, I can’t—”

“Are you doing it…right now? Is there someone still left over there, someone whose parents or wife or children believe he’s dead?”

Matt didn’t answer. Kristin turned to stare out the side window again. There was some logic here, she supposed, from a military point of view. Too bad the military had long since stopped being human.

Perhaps her husband had, as well. “You’ve never said very much about what happened to you over there.”

She turned her head to watch him. For a minute, she didn’t think he would reply. Then he cleared his throat. “There’s not much to say.”

“Or not much you can say?”

“That’s part of it. But outside of what’s classified, there’s not much to tell. Each day was about the same as all the others.” His resistance vibrated like an electric field between them.

“Did you have books?”

“No.”

“TV?”

“No.”

“What did you eat?”

Matt slapped the steering wheel with the heel of his hand and muttered an ugly word. “Look…I’ve worked hard every damn day of the last four years forgetting the details you’re asking for. Remembering takes me back. I don’t want to go there again. Can we just drop it, please?”

He could have hit her, and she would have felt better. Her grievance quickly became guilt. “I’m sorry,” Kristin whispered. “So sorry.” She covered her eyes with her hand to hide the tears.

“Aw, Kris…” They rode in silence for a long time, until at last Matt cleared his throat. “What do you feel like having for lunch? Where’s a good place to eat in Wilmington?”

Kristin sat up straight. If he made an effort, so would she. “I don’t know. Let’s see what we find when we get there.”

Their mood gradually eased as they ate fresh shrimp and coleslaw and hush puppies at a table overlooking the Cape Fear River. Then Matt talked Kristin into dessert. “At least split a piece with me. Would that be so bad?” He knew her weakness against the temptation of chocolate.

Kristin sighed. “Yes, it would. But I can’t resist.” She raised her head and looked at him across the table. “You fiend, you.”

But her brown eyes laughed at him. Matt felt a weight lift from his shoulders, just knowing he’d made her laugh. Especially after the way he’d blown it this morning in the car.

He’d just have to work harder in the future to keep the conversation away from minefields like Africa…Luke…Erin…Too bad the inn in Fredericksburg where they were going to stay the night was still seven hours away.

A mere seven hours of intimate, meaningful discussion but no controversy?

Mission Impossible. Matt pulled in a deep, doubtful breath and concentrated on his share of dessert.

FREDERICKSBURG TURNED OUT to be even farther than seven hours—a bridge on the main road had been washed out by flooding. The detour markers led straight into the dark Virginia wilderness and then vanished, without showing the way out again.

“We must have missed another sign,” Matt muttered at about 10:00 p.m. as they sat parked at a roadside picnic area in the middle of nowhere. He studied the map. “I don’t see state road 3407 anywhere on here.”

Kristin rubbed her eyes with her fingers. She’d been driving for the last three hours while Matt navigated.

“Let’s call the B&B,” she said. “Maybe they can help.”

But the owners of the inn confessed to being transplanted Yankees, still learning the country themselves. They promised a bed would be ready whatever time the Brennans showed up.

He clicked off the cellular phone, dropped his head back and yawned. “Man, I’m tired.”

“Me, too.” Kristin leaned her temple against the window. “We can rest for a little while, can’t we?”

Matt stared at her awkward position for a few seconds. Then he climbed out of the van and in again—onto the back seat. “Sounds great to me. Turn off the light and come here. We can stretch out and be warm.” He grinned and held out his arms.