She

Ben’s eyes held hers for a moment, before sliding away. ‘I didn’t even know you’d called …’

‘Didn’t Bella mention it?’

‘No.’ Ben’s chewed the inside of his lip. ‘But she’s been a bit busy lately … it probably just slipped her mind.’

Freya’s chest quivered with irritation. ‘Really? Only Matt’s called quite a few times. He’s so hurt, Ben.’

‘For fuck’s sake, he’s not five years old!’ Ben’s cheek pulsed and he tutted to himself.

‘OK.’ Freya stood up, her metal chair scraping on the tiled floor as she pushed it backwards. ‘I don’t know what’s going on with you, Ben, but you’re behaving like a dick. Frankly, I don’t give a damn if you don’t want to see me but the least you can do is give Matt a call back.’

Ben looked up at her in surprise. ‘I will!’ he snapped. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed. ‘It’s just a bit hectic right now.’ He reached out to take her arm. ‘Don’t go like this, Frey, I’m sorry. Stay and finish your toastie.’

Freya hesitated, before sitting back down. ‘Lots of sleepless nights, is it?’

Ben nodded. ‘Yeah. She’s a good baby but they’re bloody hard work, you know?’ He gave a small, apologetic laugh. ‘I love being a dad but I hadn’t expected it to be so … draining. Honestly, it’s just relentless and the lack of sleep does get to you.’

‘I can only imagine.’ Freya could feel herself softening towards him again, glad that he was opening up a bit.

‘Bella’s coping brilliantly. But it gets lonely for her, at home on her own all day. She’s desperate for some adult company and for someone else to take over by the time I walk through the door. No matter how busy I’ve been at work, it’s nothing compared to the drudgery of looking after a baby all day.’

Freya smiled sympathetically. ‘I’m sure. But I bet your mum and Bella’s mum have been a permanent fixture. That must be a big help.’

‘Hmmm.’ Ben looked away, clearly embarrassed. ‘Bella’s mum is around a bit but my mum’s keeping her distance. I think she’s worried about being seen as the archetypal interfering mother-in-law.’

‘Jo would never be that!’

Ben pulled a wry face. ‘Not sure Bella would agree with you there.’

A tiny alarm bell rang somewhere in a distant corner of Freya’s mind. ‘Do they not get on then?’ she ventured tentatively, wary of setting him off again.

‘No.’ Ben shook his head slightly. ‘There was … there was a bit of an argument at Christmas. Bella overheard Mum describing her as an attention-seeking little madam.’

Freya tried to keep a straight face. It sounded like a perfect description of Bella to her. ‘Ouch.’

Ben laughed. ‘Yeah, you could say that. It didn’t make for a very happy family Christmas, put it that way. We headed back to London there and then and we haven’t seen her since.’

Freya gasped. ‘So she still hasn’t seen the baby?’

Ben suddenly looked desperately sad. ‘No.’

Freya was so shocked it took her a few moments to find her voice. ‘But … that must have been devastating for her. When is she going to see her?’

‘I’m not entirely sure. Bella’s insistent she won’t let her visit but she won’t let me take Elodie to see her alone either. Don’t think she trusts me to look after her by myself!’ He tried to laugh again but it seemed to dry in his throat.

After another stunned silence, as she tried to digest his words, Freya shook her head and spoke: ‘Well, you obviously can’t carry on like this. Why doesn’t Jo just apologize?’

Ben shrugged. ‘She’s tried. She’s phoned, sent a card, sent a text, but I think Bella was so hurt that she refuses to accept it.’

Freya frowned. ‘Poor Jo.’

‘Poor Bella, you mean?’

‘No, actually, I don’t.’ Freya paused. ‘It’s really unlike Jo to have said something like that. What was the reason?’

Ben shrugged. ‘She doesn’t seem to need a reason. She’s never liked Bella.’

Freya shook her head fiercely. ‘No! That’s not true, Ben. Your mum is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met and she’s never said anything to suggest that she doesn’t like Bella. Something must have caused her to snap like that. Was she under a lot of stress at the time?’

Ben pursed his lips, as if he was considering whether to say what he was about to say. ‘I suppose so. Emma had had a car crash and …’

‘Oh my God!’ Freya interrupted him, clamping her hand over her mouth. ‘Is she OK?’

‘Yeah, she’s fine.’ Ben batted her concern away with a wave of his hand. ‘Bit of a bump on her head and she was pretty shaken up.’

‘Well then!’ Freya cried. ‘Of course that’s the reason. It’s so out of character for Jo. Surely Bella can understand that? Especially now she’s got a little girl of her own! She must understand how upsetting it is for your child to be injured, however old they are …?’

‘I don’t know.’ Ben sounded weary. ‘She doesn’t seem to be in the mood for reconciliation anyway, so there’s not much I can do, is there?’

‘Oh come on, Ben! Are you honestly going to let one little comment come between you and your lovely mum? I just don’t understand it – you’ve always been so close.’ Freya could feel the tears threatening on Jo’s behalf. She just knew how devastated Jo would be feeling, especially to have been kept away from her first grandchild. It seemed so cruel.

‘Oh God, I know, it’s just that I feel a bit torn. Obviously, my loyalty has to be with Bella and Elodie right now.’

Freya tried not to let her irritation show. ‘Of course it does. But you shouldn’t be put in a position where you have to choose between your mum and your wife. There’s room for both of them, surely?’

Ben exhaled loudly. ‘To be honest, it’s not worth the grief I’ll get.’

Freya could feel her eyes narrowing, despite trying to keep her expression neutral. ‘That’s why you’ve cut us off, too, isn’t it? Because Bella doesn’t like us?’

‘No!’ The defiance flashed back into Ben’s eyes.

Freya shook her head sadly. ‘I should have known, after the last time we came round and she didn’t turn up.’

‘There was a very good reason for that and it had nothing to do with you coming round.’

‘Really?’ Freya couldn’t hide her scepticism.

‘Yes!’ Ben shot back crossly.

‘OK, if you say so.’

There was a long, awkward pause. Around them, the café was filling up with lunchtime customers and the sound of clattering plates ricocheted from wall to wall with a jarring, discordant beat.

‘Look, Ben,’ Freya began, wondering how far she could push it. ‘All I’m saying is, it seems a real shame that you’ve suddenly stopped seeing your family and friends, when we were always so close. It was never like this when you were with Charlotte …’ She paused, knowing she was stepping onto dangerous territory.

‘Oh yeah, and look what all those years of being with Charlotte did for me!’ Ben snapped. ‘She dumped me, remember!’

‘I know. Believe me, she regrets that now.’

Ben bit his lip, and looked out of the window onto the pavement beyond, where dozens of pedestrians danced balletically around one another, hurrying on their way. ‘Does she?’

‘Yes, of course she does. Her dad dying affected her really badly and she just had a bit of a panic. By the time she realized what she’d done, it was too late.’

‘How is she?’ Ben continued to stare out of the window as he spoke, trying to feign indifference.

‘She’s OK.’

‘Is she … is she still single?’

Freya smiled. ‘Yes. Believe it or not, you’re quite a hard act to follow, Ben Gordon.’

Ben gave a hollow laugh. ‘I thought she would end up with that guy, Luke, the one she worked with. She certainly talked about him a lot, just before we broke up.’

Freya shook her head. ‘No, they were just friends. Still are. He’s with someone else.’

Ben nodded and looked back at Freya. ‘It doesn’t matter now anyway.’

‘No,’ Freya agreed. ‘And she’s happy for you that you’ve moved on and that you and Bella have had a baby. She knows how much you wanted kids.’

‘Yeah, I think that was part of the problem. I did, she didn’t.’

‘It’s not quite that simple. It wasn’t that she didn’t want kids, I think she just wanted to be absolutely sure that you were the right one to have them with.’

‘Yeah, I get that. Oh well, it obviously wasn’t meant to be or it wouldn’t have gone wrong, would it?’ He stood up. ‘Anyway, I really need to be getting back to work.’

Freya stood up too and they walked out of the café together. ‘It’s lovely to see you, Ben, I’ve missed you.’

Ben reached down to hug her. ‘You too.’

‘And I know things are busy but will you give Matt a call when you get a chance?’

Ben nodded. ‘Sure. ’Bye, Freya.’

‘’Bye,’ she called after him, realizing as he was swallowed up by the crowd that she should have asked for his new number. As she watched him go, already on his phone, presumably to explain his whereabouts to a furious Bella, she had a horrible feeling she wouldn’t be seeing him again for a very long time.

Chapter Nine

‘So, what were you doing today that was so important you ignored my calls?’ Bella’s dark eyes blazed with a barely concealed fury.

‘I didn’t ignore your calls.’ Ben tried to eat his risotto but his mouth felt dry and it tasted a lot like cardboard. The atmosphere since he had walked through the door an hour ago had become increasingly icy. He knew if he told Bella the truth about his whereabouts when she was trying to get hold of him at lunchtime, it would only make things worse. ‘I was at work, Bella. I can’t just drop everything and take a personal call every time my phone rings. It’s unprofessional and it will get me into trouble. We can’t afford for me to lose this job.’

Bella threw down her own fork with a clatter that made them both jump. ‘But what if it’s urgent? What if it’s something to do with Elodie?’

‘Well, then of course I will drop everything and come running. But it wasn’t about Elodie, was it?’

Bella’s bottom lip started to tremble and Ben could feel himself physically having to squash down the impatience that was rising in his chest. Every time he even slightly challenged her, she either threw a tantrum or cried. It was becoming increasingly wearing.

But, he reminded himself sternly, she was a new mother and her emotions and hormones were running amok. He had to be patient with her. ‘Come on, sweetheart. Don’t get upset. You are doing a fantastic job with our gorgeous baby. I’m so proud of you.’

Bella gave him a watery smile and wiped her eyes. ‘Thank you. I’m sorry for calling so often, it’s just that I get so bloody lonely sometimes. It’s really, really hard.’

Ben reached out and took her hand in his. ‘Of course it is. I completely understand, darling. But … You don’t have to be lonely.’

Bella took her hand away and sat up a bit straighter, as if anticipating what he was about to say.

‘I’m sure Mum is desperate to see Elodie and she’d be so happy to help out. To give you a bit of a break.’

Bella pursed her lips and looked away.

Ben took a deep breath. ‘Why don’t we invite her round? Come on, Bella, otherwise it’s a bit like cutting off your nose to spite your face.’

Ben tried to read her expression. The fact that she hadn’t immediately jumped down his throat gave him a tiny scintilla of hope.

‘Maybe,’ she began, blinking slowly. ‘But you have to be here, too. I don’t want to see her on my own, just in case …’ She left her words hanging in the air.

Ben nodded furiously, not caring what Bella was insinuating. ‘Of course I’ll be here. How about this weekend? Shall I ask them to come here then?’

‘Them? Invite your dad, too?’

Ben frowned. ‘Well, yes. I’m sure he’s as desperate to meet his first grandchild as Mum is.’

Bella looked away again, her expression unreadable. Finally, she shrugged nonchalantly. ‘I suppose so.’

Ben felt giddy with elation. It hadn’t struck him until now how much the strain of being estranged from his family was affecting him. He missed them desperately and seeing Freya had reminded him that they weren’t monsters and that his mum had been under huge stress the day she snapped at Bella. And a tiny part of him also felt that maybe his mum had had a point. Bella had behaved like a spoilt child at Christmas with her strange behaviour.

He finished his dinner, trying to eat as slowly as possible so as not to look too eager to get to his phone. ‘Why don’t you go and have a relaxing bath while I clear up?’ he suggested, not wanting her to overhear his conversation. ‘I’ll listen out for Elodie.’

She hesitated, before nodding. ‘OK, that would be nice. Thanks.’

Ben busied himself tidying up until he heard her turning off the taps and climbing into the bath.

‘Mum, it’s me,’ he said, as soon as Jo answered.

‘Oh, Ben!’ Ben could hear the tears in Jo’s voice. There was a long pause before she spoke again, having composed herself slightly. ‘Sweetheart, it is so lovely to hear from you. How are you, my darling?’

Ben suddenly thought he might cry. He took a second to compose himself before he spoke. ‘Good, Mum. I’m really good.’

‘And Elodie? How is she?’ There was a nervousness in Jo’s voice that made Ben feel instantly ashamed. This was Jo’s first grandchild and she was clearly scared to even ask about her.

‘Well, that’s why I’m calling, actually. We wondered if you and Dad would like to come and visit this weekend? Say, Saturday.’

There was a short pause before Jo answered. ‘We’d love to, of course we would. But is it OK with Bella? I don’t want to upset her.’

‘Of course! She’d love to see you too.’ Ben almost choked on the lie but there was no other answer he could give.

‘Oh, well, in that case we’d be delighted to come. Thank you. What sort of time?’

Ben tried to remember the details of the routine Bella had got Elodie into but he couldn’t recall the exact times. ‘Um, about midday? We’ll do lunch.’

‘Oh how lovely!’ Jo sounded thrilled, causing Ben to feel even more guilty. ‘We’ll see you then.’

Ben hung up, wishing he had suggested it to Bella much sooner. His parents were good people and it wasn’t fair to have punished them for a slip of the tongue when they were very stressed.

‘Midday?’ Bella’s voice cut through Ben’s thoughts and he spun around to find her watching him with a deep frown creasing her smooth forehead.

‘Yes. What’s wrong with that?’ Ben’s heart immediately sank again. He should have known it wouldn’t be straightforward.

Bella rolled her eyes theatrically. ‘Oh, nothing, except that Elodie will be asleep. I thought they were coming to see her?’

Ben sighed. ‘They are coming to see her. Surely it won’t do any harm to keep her up a little bit longer for once?’

‘Oh for God’s sake, Ben!’ Bella spat. ‘That’s typical of you. You aren’t the one who’s worked your backside off to get her into her routine. I’m not wrecking all my hard work just to suit you.’

‘Fine!’ Ben snapped. ‘Then we’ll have lunch first and they can see her when she wakes up.’

Bella tipped her head to one side and put her hands on her hips. ‘Well, you needn’t think I’m cooking lunch. I’ve got enough to do, thank you very much, without having to entertain your parents.’

Ben could feel his temper starting to rise. She was so bloody unreasonable sometimes. And having broken the deadlock with his parents, he was suddenly desperate to see them. He couldn’t let her ruin it. ‘I’ll do the cooking,’ he cajoled, his jaw tight with tension. ‘You can sit and chat to them.’

‘Oh yes, that’s a good idea, because we get on so well.’ Bella gave a haughty toss of her head.

Ben walked over to her and pulled her into an embrace. Her body was stiff and unyielding. ‘Please, Bella, don’t turn this into a feud. They’re my parents and they’re Elodie’s grandparents. I don’t want them to become strangers.’

He felt Bella soften slightly as he spoke and she lifted her face to look at him, reminding him just how truly beautiful she was. ‘I’m sorry, Ben. I just … feel that your mum doesn’t like me and it’s really hurtful.’

‘She does like you.’ Ben tried to quell the urge to tell her that her own behaviour had been far more hurtful towards his mum, especially keeping her away from her first grandchild. ‘So don’t go looking for insults and slights. Just be yourself and they will love you as much as I do.’

Bella smiled, immediately lighting up her delicate, heart-shaped face. ‘I love you, too. I’m just so tired all the time. How about we get an early night?’

Ben grinned, all irritation instantly forgotten and feeling a surge of love for his gorgeous wife. ‘There was a time when that would have meant something else entirely. And do you know what? Even though I know you’re only talking about going to sleep, I can’t think of anything I’d love more.’

‘Who says I’m only talking about going to sleep?’ Bella gave him a seductive look over her shoulder as she took his hand and pulled him towards the bedroom.