Falling For His Best Friend

Joe raised an eyebrow. ‘You really want to hear my answer to that question?’

‘No, I guess not.’ Kitty managed a half-smile. ‘But I’m tired of feeling like my opinions don’t matter.’

‘So what next?’

‘I need to talk to Jess and Cam.’

‘You’re doing this?’

‘I am.’ She smiled. She’d made a decision and it felt good. She knew it was the right one. She hated being alone but she was willing to sacrifice her relationship with Mike in order to give her sister a baby. Family was more important to her than anything. She’d lost so many members of her family already. First her baby sister had died when Kitty had been just five years old and then, fourteen years later, both her parents had gone too. To offer Jess and Cam the baby they longed for would help to compensate for everything and everyone they’d already lost. ‘Provided Jess and Cam agree.’

‘I can’t imagine they won’t.’

‘No.’ Her smile widened. ‘It’s perfect. My family needs something good to look forward to, something positive, after everything that has happened.’ She needed it too. ‘I’ll go and see them after work today and then I need to find a new place to live.’

‘You know you’re welcome to stay with me for as long as you need to.’

‘Thanks, but I can’t put you out of your bed.’ Joe had already spent the past couple of nights on his couch, giving up his bed for Kitty, but that wasn’t a long-term solution. ‘You said yourself I needed a more permanent plan. I’ll figure something out.’

CHAPTER THREE

KITTY STACKED THE empty dinner plates and took them into the kitchen. She had invited herself to Jess and Cam’s for dinner and had promised to do the dishes in return, but she wanted to have the discussion she had planned first. Her ultimate agenda was to raise her surrogacy suggestion.

‘A little while ago you mentioned that you were thinking about investigating the option of surrogacy using your frozen embryos,’ she said to them both as she returned to the table. ‘Have you done anything about that?’

‘Not officially,’ Cam replied. ‘We’ve done some research but it’s not a straightforward exercise. We think we’d like to find someone privately who’s willing to act as a surrogate but we’re not sure how to go about that. If we can’t find someone privately we’ll have to advertise and that’s tricky here, but we can’t afford to go overseas to do it. It’s not going to be easy.’

‘But we have to try,’ Jess added.

‘I know it’s not easy,’ Kitty said, looking into her sister’s dark eyes. A mirror of her own face looked back at her. There was no mistaking they were sisters. They had the same dark eyes and dark hair, although Jess’s was shorter and had grown back with a slight wave in it after the chemotherapy. Jess’s face was more oval than Kitty’s, whose own face could only be described as round. It made Kitty look young for her years but she was old enough to know what she was doing. She took a deep breath and held Jess’s gaze. ‘I would like to do it for you.’

‘What?’

‘I want to be your surrogate.’

‘Really?’

‘Really.’

‘You’re serious?’

Kitty nodded and Jess broke into a wide smile. She really was pretty when she smiled, Kitty thought as her sister bounced out of her chair and threw her arms around her. ‘I can’t believe this! Thank you!’

‘Why?’ Cam asked.

Cam’s reaction took Kitty by surprise. To be honest, she’d thought they’d both be ecstatic but while Jess was obviously delighted and grateful, Cameron was far more reserved.

‘That doesn’t matter, Cam,’ Jess remonstrated. ‘All that matters is that Kitty is offering.’ Jess was crying now as she continued to hug Kitty. Tears were running down her cheeks and soaking into Kitty’s shirt. Kitty was pretty sure they were happy tears.

‘I’m not saying I don’t appreciate your offer,’ Cam said as Jess finally let go of her little sister. ‘It’s very generous, but it’s not as simple as you might think. I expect we’ll all have questions, and one of mine is: why?’

In contrast, Jess didn’t appear to have any questions. Kitty knew she was far too emotional and too caught up in the idea that she could become a mum to worry about the intricacies and details, but Cam deserved answers.

‘You and Jess are my only family,’ Kitty explained. ‘You’re all I’ve got. If I can give you the baby that Jess desperately wants I get to expand my family. It’s a win-win situation.’

‘But you can have your own children,’ Cam argued. ‘You’re twenty-seven, this might take up the next two years of your life. Even if this works straight away it’s not like you can be pregnant tomorrow. There are meetings, counselling, legalities to sort through. Trust me, we know what’s involved, we’ve looked at everything. It’s not straightforward and it will take time. What if you want to have your own baby in the meantime?’

‘I’m not at the stage where I want to have a baby.’

‘But that might change at any point in the next year or two. And what about Mike? He’s older than you, what if he wants children sooner?’

Kitty shook her head. ‘I don’t think he wants that.’ It didn’t matter what he wanted, she wasn’t going to have babies with Mike anyway. She knew now more than ever that she didn’t want him to be the father of her children. He was too intense. Too controlling. She wanted someone fun. She needed someone fun. She needed someone to inject that into her life as well as her children’s. She knew she had a tendency to get a bit low and she needed laughter and light in her life. That’s why she loved being around Joe.

She didn’t mention that she’d broken up with Mike. If Jess thought it was because of her decision to offer to be their surrogate Kitty knew she might decline her offer, and she was desperate to do this. Desperate to give Jess the baby she wanted. That bit of news could wait for another day.

‘I want to do this.’ Kitty would put her life on hold indefinitely in order to give Jess the baby she wanted—the baby Kitty thought they all needed. ‘Can’t we at least investigate the idea?’

‘Yes.’ Jess was quick to agree and Kitty knew then that her offer had been accepted. She knew Cam didn’t have the heart to refuse his wife. Kitty knew he would give Jess anything she asked for if it were possible, and this just might be possible. At least they would get to try.

* * *

Kitty picked up the pen and signed on the dotted line next to Cam and Jess’s signatures. The lawyer witnessed their scrawls and stamped the pages. Signing the surrogacy agreement that had been drawn up was almost the final step in the process. Next their application would be reviewed by the IVF ethics committee and, if approved, she would become a surrogate. Not if, she told herself—when. She had to think positively. There was no reason not to think this wouldn’t go ahead.

Over the past two months she had been poked and prodded, examined and tested, but she didn’t mind. The tests hadn’t raised any red flags and she was told she was a good candidate. She knew the clinic would have preferred it if she had borne children already as it left less room for surprises or problems with the pregnancy and delivery, but it wasn’t a requirement in New South Wales, as it was in some other parts of the country, and for that Kitty was grateful. And the tests had given no indication that she wouldn’t have a normal pregnancy. She was a healthy twenty-seven-year-old. She was convinced there wouldn’t be any problems and fortunately that seemed to be the conclusion after all the tests were completed.

As a single woman in Sydney Kitty could access the medical care she needed as a surrogate. Jess and Cam had agreed to pay any out-of-pocket expenses, which could be quite costly, but they had no complaints. All three of them had attended a medical review at Jess and Cam’s fertility clinic and they had all undergone the mandatory counselling sessions, though fortunately they hadn’t been sent for independent psychiatric reviews. The lawyer had briefed them on their rights and obligations and had drawn up the agreement, and now they had one last hurdle. Kitty crossed her fingers that the ethics committee would approve their request.

* * *

‘Kitty Nelson?’

She looked up as the fertility nurse called her name. This was it.

She was going to be a surrogate. The ethics committee had approved their application and now, if everything went according to plan, in nine months’ time she would deliver a healthy baby for Jess and Cam, and her, to love.

Jess’s eggs had been fertilised and the embryos created. All that was left was the implantation.

Kitty stood up and Jess followed suit. Kitty was surprised to find her legs were shaky. There was a lot of expectation riding on today but she hadn’t realised she had felt the pressure. There wasn’t much about it she could control, but now that the moment had come she desperately hoped she would turn out to be the perfect host. The perfect surrogate for a perfect baby.

‘Are you sure you don’t want me to come in with you?’ Jess asked.

Kitty could hear the pleading note in her voice but she’d made up her mind and she was going to stand firm on this point.

She reached over and held Jess’s hand.

‘I don’t watch you and Cam making babies, I’m not going to let you watch me getting impregnated.’

Cam was by the window, looking out at the city streets several floors below, pacing up and down, already looking like an expectant father. Fortunately he hadn’t asked to watch.

‘Cam and I didn’t make this baby the traditional way.’

‘I know, but it would still be weird to have you in the room.’

‘But you’re happy for us to be there when the baby is born?’

Kitty nodded. ‘Of course!’ Although she’d have some ground rules then too—for instance, Cam would have to stay away from the business end, but she would discuss that later. Her first priority was to get pregnant.

‘OK,’ Jess said as she wrapped Kitty in a hug. ‘Good luck.’

Kitty could feel Jess’s bones as she hugged her sister back. She was still way too thin. ‘It’ll be fine.’

‘I can’t believe that in a matter of minutes you could be pregnant. I’m going to be a mum.’

If everything went to plan, Kitty thought, but she kept quiet. She needed to be in a positive frame of mind. She needed to believe this was going to work. A new life, a new member of the family to love, was just what they all needed. After their baby sister had drowned at the age of two, and then losing their parents in a car accident when Kitty was just nineteen, followed by Jess’s shock cancer diagnosis two and a half years ago, they needed something to look forward to.

She kissed Jess’s cheek and stepped back. ‘See you soon.’

* * *

Joe was watching the clock, hoping he didn’t get a last-minute call-out before the end of his night shift. It had been busy, but that wasn’t uncommon. Saturday nights were always frantic, filled with the usual jobs—drunk and disorderly men getting into fights, drug overdoses, car accidents, car versus pedestrian accidents, heart attacks or indigestion that people mistook for heart attacks... The new crew was due at any moment and if the phones remained quiet for five more minutes he’d get out of there on time. He kept his fingers crossed. If he got out on time he might catch Kitty.

He was missing her company. The week that she’d stayed with him was now months ago but he’d got used to having her around and the months since she’d been gone had dragged. But at least she wasn’t back with Mike. She’d moved out of Joe’s apartment and in with Jess and Cam. They’d decided that it would be the best place for Kitty to live while they went through the surrogacy application and hopefully a successful pregnancy. That way Jess figured she’d get to be involved every step of the way. They’d assumed that the surrogacy process would be successful. Joe could understand why—what was the point of going ahead with the plan if you thought it was going to fail? But he was worried that they could all be setting themselves up for heartache.

Kitty had had enough heartache in her life.

But he’d barely seen her since she’d moved out. She’d been caught up in the surrogacy plans and even at work their paths hadn’t crossed often. Although he was based at the ambulance station adjacent to the North Sydney Hospital, even their shifts hadn’t coincided much, and more often than not when he’d brought patients to the ED or called in on a break she hadn’t been rostered on.

His shift finished on time and he was able to get across to the ED before Kitty left the hospital. He sighed in relief.

‘Hi.’ He greeted her as she walked through the exit.

‘Joe!’ Her smile lit up her face and he found himself beaming back at her. It was good to see her. Really good. ‘Have you finished your shift?’ she asked.

‘Yep. Signed out, all done.’

‘Well, your timing is perfect,’ she said as she tucked her hand through his elbow and fell into step beside him. ‘I need to talk to you and I’m starving. Have you got time for breakfast?’

‘Sure.’

They walked the few blocks to their regular café on Manly Beach and grabbed a table with a view over the water. The sun was still low in the sky but after a night cooped up in the hospital Joe knew that Kitty would want to be outside despite the glare.

Joe ordered his usual big breakfast while Kitty chose fresh fruit, yoghurt and muesli. She was restless, her feet jiggled constantly, and she was sitting on the edge of her seat. ‘Are you going to be able to sit still long enough to eat?’ he asked.

‘Not unless I tell you my news first.’

‘Go on, then,’ Joe said as the waitress brought a coffee for him and a green tea for Kitty.

‘I did a pregnancy test yesterday.’

‘Already?’

Kitty nodded. ‘It’s two weeks tomorrow since the procedure.’

He knew that. He’d been keeping tabs on the process. He didn’t need to ask what the result was, he could see in her eyes—excitement was written all over her face. He didn’t need her to tell him the result but she told him anyway.

‘It was positive!’

‘You know it could be a false positive this early.’ He didn’t think he wanted to burst her bubble of happiness but his comment was out before he’d had time to censor it. He’d done some research and he knew the fertility clinics advised their patients not to do home tests but to wait for the official blood test. He assumed it was because there were too many occasions when people got false positive results.

‘I know.’ Kitty nodded. ‘But I couldn’t resist. I feel like it’s worked. My boobs are tender...’ She pressed on her boobs and Joe had to force himself to avert his eyes. He didn’t want to be caught looking. ‘And I had to know.’

‘Who else have you told?’

Kitty frowned, a little crease appearing between her dark brows. ‘No one. The official blood test is still a couple of days away so I won’t say anything to Jess until then, but I had to tell someone. I wanted to tell you.’

Joe knew he should be pleased, he knew how much this meant to her. He appreciated that she’d shared her news with him but he was surprised to find he was experiencing another unexpected emotion. He could taste it.

The sour taste of jealousy.

He had never actually considered what would happen when Kitty eventually settled down and had babies. He knew it was what she wanted but he hadn’t thought about the ramifications, the reality. He hadn’t thought about the fact that she would have other priorities in her life, that there would be someone more important than him.

It hurt to realise she was going to have this experience without him. To realise he wasn’t going to be part of this experience except in the role of a bystander. This baby wouldn’t be hers to keep—but seeing her so excited about it reminded him that eventually that would happen and what would that mean for them?

For him?

He pushed down the sense of jealousy—now was not the time or the place to give in to his own emotions—and raised his coffee in a toast, hoping that somehow he would manage to say the right thing.

‘Congratulations,’ he said as he forced a smile.

* * *

Kitty fidgeted in her seat as she forced herself to eat her lunch as she sat across from Cam and Jess. She was on tenterhooks and had been for the past few days, ever since she’d taken the home pregnancy test. She’d thought that by sharing her news with Joe it would settle her excitement to a point where it would be bearable but she still couldn’t wait for Jess and Cam to hear the results. It was all anyone wanted.

She was positive the procedure had worked but she hadn’t said anything as she really didn’t want to get Jess’s hopes up. Now, after having to wait for the official test, she started having doubts. What if it hadn’t worked? What if the home pregnancy test she’d done had given her a false positive? What if all the symptoms she’d been experiencing were just the result of her over-active imagination or wishful thinking? Surely life wouldn’t be so cruel?

She placed her elbows on the table as the waitress cleared the remains of their lunch away. She leant forward and her breasts squashed against her forearms. Her boobs were definitely still tender, that had to mean something. She knew false positives were unlikely in those home testing kits. False negatives were far more common—and, besides, she’d also gone off coffee. She’d cut down on her caffeine before the embryonic transfer at the same time as she’d started taking folic acid tablets—she’d wanted to do everything she could to ensure that this worked—but now she couldn’t even stand the taste of coffee. Something that had been one of her favourite drinks now tasted bitter, making it easy to stay off it.

Her fingers fidgeted and played with the gauze bandage that was wrapped around her left elbow, a constant reminder of what she was waiting for. She’d had the official blood test and she and Jess and Cam were just killing time until they could return to the IVF clinic to hear the results. Kitty was desperate to get back there.

Finally, with ten minutes before they were due back, Cam paid for their meals and they headed for the door.

‘All right,’ the doctor said as they were ushered into the consulting room and took their seats. ‘We were testing for hCG in the blood. Any increase in hCG levels in a surrogate indicates a positive pregnancy but the levels are significant. The higher the better. Higher levels suggest a viable pregnancy. At this point in time, two weeks post-implantation, we expect to see levels above fifty milli-international units per millilitre.’ Kitty wished she’d just get on with it. The wait was agonising. ‘But we’re hoping for numbers closer to five hundred.’ There was a sheet of paper sitting on the desk. The doctor glanced down at it and when she looked up she was smiling. ‘Your numbers are four hundred and fifty. Congratulations, you are pregnant.’

‘Oh, my God, you did it.’ Jess jumped up from her chair and hugged Kitty. ‘Thank you so much. I can’t believe it.’ Tears were running down her cheeks as she turned to Cam. ‘We’re going to have a baby!’ she said as she threw her arms around him.

Cam was grinning from ear to ear as he hugged and then kissed his wife before hugging Kitty. Jess was bawling and Kitty could feel her own tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She’d been positive that the embryo transfer had been successful but she hadn’t dared to believe it and the relief was almost as great as the excitement.

The doctor let them celebrate the news and when they all managed to get their emotions under control she continued the consult. ‘Before I let you go I’ll just run through the next steps with you.’

The three of them pulled themselves together long enough to listen to the procedure from here on.

‘If everything goes according to plan,’ she said, looking at Kitty, ‘your hCG levels should double every forty-eight hours. Fast increases in levels are what we are hoping for as that appears to indicate a good pregnancy outcome. I would like to do a follow-up blood test in two days to check those levels. Depending on the results we might then schedule more blood tests but I will also book you in for an ultrasound scan in a fortnight.’

‘We’ll be able to see our baby that early?’ Jess asked.

‘Your baby will look like a jelly bean still at that stage but we should be able to see and hear a foetal heartbeat then,’ the doctor explained.

Kitty didn’t remember much after that, and neither did Jess, she suspected. They were both too excited with the news. They left it to Cam to pay attention to the next round of appointments as they let their minds run wild with the thought of creating a new life. A baby.

* * *

‘Kitty, incoming ambulance.’

Kitty was tidying an exam room when Davina stuck her head in and called for her attention. ‘We’ve got a twenty-nine-year-old woman with abdominal pain and the doctors are all busy. Can you meet them in the bay?’

Kitty tucked a clean sheet onto the exam bed and carried the dirty linen out with her, tossing it into a linen bag on her way outside. She exited the doors as the ambulance pulled into the bay and Joe climbed out, pulling the stretcher with him.

‘Hey,’ he greeted Kitty with his megawatt smile. ‘Kitty, this is Talia. Acute abdominal pain. BP one-forty over ninety. Heart rate one hundred and ten. Temp thirty-nine degrees. No significant medical history but she’s had a positive home pregnancy test. Nausea but no vomiting.’

Talia’s eyes were open. She was perspiring and looked a little grey.

‘Husband is on his way, following behind,’ Joe’s partner added.

‘Doctors?’ Joe mouthed the word silently as they wheeled Talia into the hospital.

Kitty shook her head. ‘Busy,’ she replied, knowing that Joe was thinking they’d need a consult.

Kitty spied Anna coming out of an exam room as they negotiated the corridor. ‘Anna! I need a consult if you’re free,’ Kitty said before Anna could disappear. She let Joe repeat his summary as they transferred Talia to a bed before Kitty and Anna were able to start their assessment.

Kitty started a file and handed it to Anna while she hooked Talia up to the various monitors. Anna recorded Talia’s symptoms, the onset and severity, as well as her activities over the previous twenty-four hours and her menstrual history. By Talia’s account, she figured she was eight weeks pregnant.

‘We’ll need a urine sample if that’s possible, Talia, just to test and confirm the pregnancy. Kitty, can you organise that? I’ll duck out and arrange a pelvic ultrasound.’

Kitty nodded and fetched a bed pan but Anna had gone no further than six steps when Talia cried out in pain. She curled into a ball, clutching her stomach and her heart rate escalated rapidly. She was sweating more profusely and her face was now completely white.

‘Anna!’ Kitty called out.

Talia wasn’t the right demographic for gall stones, which left a burst appendix or a ruptured Fallopian tube as the most likely cause of her pain. That or extremely bad gastro.

Anna came back into the room and took one look at their patient. ‘Get me a gynae consult and prep a theatre,’ she instructed.

Kitty stripped off her gloves and threw them into the bin as Talia was wheeled off to Theatre. She tidied up the exam room again, and after checking in with Davina and finding that the waiting area was empty she took the opportunity to grab a drink and something to eat. Her shift had been busy and she was finding that if she didn’t eat something small on a regular basis the morning sickness would rear its head. It wasn’t so much morning sickness as nausea whenever she got hungry and she was quickly learning not to pass up the chance to refuel when she was able to.

Joe was in the kitchen, grabbing a coffee.

‘Can I make you one?’ he asked.

Kitty shook her head. ‘No, thanks, I’ve gone off coffee.’ Her body was already rejecting anything that could be considered remotely toxic—alcohol, coffee, strong cheeses, raw fish—and craving healthy options like fresh fruit and vegetables. She’d always tried to eat healthily but she was finding it difficult not to now that she was pregnant, as so many foods made her queasy.