Hot Docs On Call: Healing His Heart

Both she and Matt’s siblings had been lucky they’d had someone special who’d been willing to sacrifice everything to provide for them. She wanted to do the same for Simon if he’d only let her.

‘That must’ve been tough.’ She was barely coping with one small boy and a part-time job. It was almost incomprehensible to imagine a young Matt raising and supporting a family while studying at the same time. Just when she thought this man couldn’t be any more perfect his halo shone that bit brighter.

It was a shame that no-kids rule put him firmly off-limits. Along with the whole medical ethics thing and the fact she’d chosen celibacy over trusting a man in her life again. As if she’d ever stand a chance anyway after he’d witnessed her puffy panda eyes and been drenched in her tears of self-pity. He’d probably endured a lot more as a single parent and cried a lot less.

‘Do you want some of my chips? Help yourself.’ He shoved his plate towards her and it took a second to figure out why he was trying to feed her.

‘Er…thanks.’ She helped herself to a couple to detract from the fact she’d probably been staring at him longingly.

Better for him to think she was greedy than love struck. She wasn’t too happy about the nature her thoughts had taken recently either.

‘It wasn’t easy but we survived and you will too. You figure this stuff out as you go along.’

It was good of him to share some of his personal details with her—he didn’t have to and she knew he’d only done it to make her feel better. It did. He was no longer an anonymous authority figure; he was human and he was opening up to her. A little knowledge of his private life made it easier to trust another kindred spirit. She supposed it was only fair she gave something of herself too, although he’d probably already heard more than enough about her for one day.

‘I thought with my background this would all be familiar territory. I was a foster kid myself. My birth parents were too young to handle parenthood and I bumped around the system until I was finally adopted. My mum never seemed to struggle the way I have, even when her husband walked out. I’m afraid history repeated itself. My ex left me too when I decided I wanted to foster.’ It was difficult not to take it personally that any important male figures in her life had abandoned her. From the emotional outbursts and irrational behaviour Matt had probably already figured out why no man wanted to face a future with her.

‘We’re all full of good intentions, but it’s not long before a cold dose of reality soon hits home, eh?’ He was smiling at her but Quinn was convinced there was a barbed comment in there. Perhaps he’d meant well by asking her to meet here but he’d found it tougher going than he’d imagined listening to her whining.

‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be lumbering you with all my problems. It’s not part of your job description and I’m putting you off your food.’

‘Not at all.’ He wedged the last bit of his burger into his mouth to prove her wrong.

‘I tutor from home so it’s been a while since I’ve had any adult company to vent with. Lucky you, you get to hear me offload first.’

‘It’s a hazard of the job. I’m a surgeon-cum-counsellor.’ His grin said he didn’t mind at all.

It was a relief to get off her chest how much these past two months had impacted on her and not be judged on it. She was doing enough of that herself by constantly comparing herself to her mother when the circumstances were so different. She’d been a young girl in the country, desperate for a family, and Simon, well, he wasn’t more than a baby and had already been through so much. He’d been passed around like an unwanted guest and now he was burned and traumatised by the fire, with no real idea of what was going to come of him.

Her mother had had an advantage simply by living in her rural surroundings. Fresh air and wide open spaces were more conducive to recovery and peace of mind than the smog and noise of the city. However, this was the best place for him to be for his treatment and there was no choice but to soldier on, regardless of location.

‘Do you have a couch in your office we can share?’ It wasn’t until he raised his eyebrow in response she realised how inappropriate that sounded. Today, it was becoming a habit.

An image of more inappropriateness on the furniture behind closed doors with Matt filled her head and made her hot under her black tank top and slouchy grey cardigan. If she’d had any intention of flirting she definitely would’ve picked something more attractive than her slummy mummy attire. Comfy leggings and baggy tops were her security blanket inside the hospital and hadn’t been meant for public display.

‘I mean…I feel as though I should be lying on your couch…you taking notes. As a counsellor, obviously. Not some sort of sofa fetishist who gets off on that sort of thing. I’ll shut up now before you do actually use your authority to call the men in white coats to lock me up.’ Quinn clapped her hands over her face as if they provided some sort of invisibility shield for her mortification. Unfortunately, they weren’t a sound barrier either as she heard Matt cough away his embarrassment.

Very smooth. Not.

Far from building the beginnings of a support system with Matt as a friend, she’d created an even bigger chasm between them with her weirdness. She’d made it crystal clear to herself, and Matt, through her awkward small talk and vivid imagination that she fancied the pants off him. Why else would she be stumbling over her words and blushing like a schoolgirl trying to make conversation with him.

Great. On top of everything else she was actually picturing him with his pants fancied all the way off! The poor man had no clue about the monster he’d created by being so nice to her.

A sweaty, red-faced monster who’d apparently woken up from hibernation looking for a mate.

CHAPTER FOUR

FOR A SECOND Matt thought he was going to need someone to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on him to dislodge the French fry in his throat. The shock of Quinn’s imagery had made him swallow it whole.

He gulped down a mouthful of water, relief flooding through him as it cleared his blocked airway.

She hadn’t tried to choke him to death on purpose. There’d been absolutely no malice or deliberate attempt on his life as far as he could tell, when Quinn emanated nothing but innocence and the scarlet tint of embarrassment. Neither, he suspected, had she meant to flirt with him but his body had responded all the same to the idea of them rolling around in his office. Around this woman he lost all control of himself, body and mind. Not to mention his common sense.

His first mistake had been to come here outside of work, only to be compounded by swapping details of their personal lives. Then there was the touching. Offering a reassuring hand, or shoulder to cry on, was part and parcel of his job, but probably not when they were lost in each other’s eyes in a crowded pub.

She drew that protective nature of his to the fore when he’d spent this past year trying to keep it at bay. He’d only intended to show her she wasn’t alone because he knew how it was not to have anyone to turn to when you were weighed down with family stresses. She didn’t have to apologise for the feisty spirit she’d shown as they clashed over Simon’s treatment; she’d need it to get her through. He simply hadn’t expected that spark of attraction to flare to life between them as if someone had flicked a switch.

It had thrown him, sent him scurrying to the bar to wait until it passed. Quinn was the mother of one of his patients.

A mother. His patient.

Two very good reasons to bypass that particular circuit, but no, he kept on supplying power.

Telling her about his family was an eejit move. That was personal and this wasn’t supposed to be about him. He listened, he diagnosed and he operated but he never, ever got personally involved. Not only had he given something of himself by revealing his family circumstances, now he knew her background too. The fact she’d been through the foster system only made her strength all the more remarkable to him.

She was a true survivor and yet she was still willing to give so much of herself to others. He needed to direct her somewhere those qualities weren’t a personal threat to his equilibrium.

‘You know, if you’re at a loss for company, I can introduce you to members of the hospital committee. I’m sure you’ve heard the board is trying to close the place down and we’d be only too glad to have someone else fighting in our corner.’ It would give her something to focus on other than Simon’s treatment and, in turn, might create a bit of distance between them too. She might make a few more friends into the bargain. Friends who weren’t afraid to get too close to her in case it compromised their position or freedom.

‘I did do a spot of picketing today. It would be such a shame to see the place close. Especially after everything you’ve done for Simon there. What happens to you if they do close? What happens to us?’

He could see the absolute terror in her eyes, that brilliant blue darkening to the colour of storm-filled skies, at the thought of more disruption in their lives. It was also an indication that she was relying on him being present in her life for the foreseeable future and that wasn’t an expectation he could live up to.

‘I’d hate to see the place get phased out. Hopefully the campaigning and fundraising will make a difference. As for me, I’m on a temporary contract. I’ll move on soon enough anyway. Like I said, I prefer to be footloose and fancy free these days.’

‘Simon will miss you terribly.’ She broke eye contact and diligently tidied the empty plates into a pile for the server to collect.

A dagger jabbed Matt in the heart at the idea that he’d be the one to cause either of them any further distress.

‘Don’t worry, I’ll be around for a while yet and if I stay local there’s always a chance he’d get referred to me anyway.’ At least by then he would’ve had a cooling off period from this particular case.

Quinn nodded, although the lip-chewing continued.

This was the first time his casual new lifestyle had given him cause to rethink his idea of moving from one place to another whenever the mood took him. Whilst the notion of experiencing new people and places was more attractive than remaining stagnant in Dublin, he hadn’t given any thought to patients who might get too attached, or vice versa.

It would be tough to leave his patients here when the time came, but better for him. He’d spent a huge chunk of his life on hold, waiting until others were ready to let go of him. This was supposed to be his time to spread his wings and not get dragged back into any more family dramas.

Despite the hustle and bustle of the pub around them, he and Quinn fell into an uneasy silence. His attraction to her was in direct competition with his longing for a quiet, uncomplicated life. The two weren’t compatible, and whichever won through, it would undoubtedly leave the bitter taste of loss behind.

The vibration in his pocket shocked him back into the present, his pager becoming a cattle prod to make sure he was back on the right path. Although the message informing him Simon was awake had come too late to save him from himself or from straying onto forbidden territory.

‘Simon’s awake. We should head back.’ And put a stop to whatever this is right now.

Quinn’s face lit up at the news, which really wasn’t helping with the whole neutral, platonic, not-thinking-of-her-as-anything-other-than-a-parent stance he was going to have to take.

‘Oh, good! What are we waiting for?’

There was genuine joy moving in to chase the clouds of despair away in those eyes again. Whether Quinn knew it, or wanted it, Matt could see Simon was the most important thing in her life. He knew fostering was only supposed to be a temporary arrangement until a permanent home for the child was secured and if she wasn’t careful with her heart she’d end up getting hurt. If he’d had to, Matt would’ve fought to the death with the authorities to gain custody over his siblings and he knew he’d have been heartbroken to see them shipped out to strangers after everything he’d done for them.

He didn’t know what Quinn’s long-term plans were, but it was important she didn’t lose sight of her own needs or identity in the midst of it all. At least he’d had his career to focus on when his family had flown the nest and stripped him of his parent role.

Quinn was the sort of woman who needed to be cared for as well as being the nurturer of others.

He didn’t know why he felt the need to be part of that.

The good news that Simon was awake was a welcome interruption for Quinn. She wasn’t proud of the display she’d put on today and it would be best if she and Simon could just disappear back to the house and take her shame with her. At least she could unleash her emotions there without sucking innocent bystanders into the eye of the storm along with her.

Poor Matt, whose only job was to operate on Simon and send them on their way, had run the gauntlet with her today. Irrational jealousy, fear, rage, self-pity and physical attraction—she’d failed to hide any of them in his presence. That last one in particular gave her the shame shudders. He’d been antsy with her ever since that sofa comment.

That sudden urge to crumple into a melting puddle of embarrassment hit again and she wrapped her cardigan around her body, wishing it had a hood to hide her altogether.

She wasn’t stupid. That suggestion she should join the hospital committee was his subtle way of getting her to back off and go bother someone else. He’d made his position very clear—he was done with other people’s kids unless it was in the operating theatre.

‘Are you cold?’ Matt broke through her woolly invisibility shield with another blast of concern. He was such a nice guy, it was easy to misinterpret his good manners for romantic interest and that’s exactly what she’d done.

If she asked around she’d probably find a long line of lonely, frightened women who were holding a candle for him because of his bedside manner. One thing was sure, when he did move on he’d leave a trail of broken hearts behind him.

‘Yeah.’ She shivered more at the thought of Matt leaving than the sudden dip in temperature as they ventured outside. He’d become a very big part of their lives here and she couldn’t imagine going through all of this without him.

Warmth returned to her chilled bones in a flash as perfect gentleman Matt draped his jacket around her shoulders. In another world this would have been a romantic end to their evening and not a doctor’s instinct to prevent her from adding hypothermia to her list of problems. She should have declined the gesture, insisted it wasn’t necessary when they’d soon be back indoors, to prevent her from appearing any more pathetic than she already did. Except the enveloping cocoon of his sports coat was a comfort she needed right now. It held that spicy scent she associated with his usually calming presence in its very fabric.

She supposed it would be weird if she accidentally on purpose forgot to return it and started wearing it as a second skin, like some sort of obsessed fan.

When they reached the hospital lobby she had no option but to extricate herself from the pseudo-Matt-hug. If she didn’t make the break now there was every likelihood she’d end up curled up in bed tonight using it as a security blanket.

‘Thanks. That’ll teach me for leaving home without a coat. Mum would not be happy after all those years of lecturing me about catching my death without one.’ Although she’d be tempted to do it again for a quick Matt fix if she thought she could achieve it without the cringeworthy crying it had taken to get one.

He helped her out of his jacket and shrugged it on over his broad shoulders.

Yeah, it looked better on him anyway.

Given their difference in height and build she’d probably looked even more of a waif trailing along behind him. So not the image any woman wanted to give a man she was attracted to. If she was to imagine Matt’s idea of a perfect partner it would be one of those oh-so-glamorous female managers who seemed to run the departments here, with their perfect hair and make-up looking terribly efficient. Nothing akin to a messy ponytail, and a quick swipe of lipgloss on a bag lady who didn’t know if she was coming or going most of the time. Any romantic notion she held about Matt needed to be left outside the doors of this elevator.

‘You don’t have to go up with me. I know this place like the back of my hand. Thanks for your help today but I can take it from here. We’ll see you again at our next appointment.’ She jabbed the button to take her back to Simon, trying not to think about who, or what, Matt had planned for the rest of the night without her.

‘I’m sure you can but I promised Simon I’d come and see him. Remember? I wouldn’t want to renege on our deal.’ Matt stepped into the lift behind her.

It wasn’t unexpected given his inherent chivalry but as the steel doors closed, trapping them in the small space together, Quinn almost wished he had gone back on his word so she could breathe again. In here there were no other distractions, no escape from the gravitational pull of Matt McGrory.

She tried not to make eye contact, and instead hummed tunelessly rather than attempt small talk, meaning that the crackling tension remained until another couple joined them on the next floor. Extra bodies should’ve diffused her urge to throw herself at him and give in to the temptation of one tiny kiss to test her theory about his hidden passion, but the influx only pushed them closer together until they were touching. There was no actual skin-to-skin contact through the layers of their clothes but the static hairs on the back of her neck said they might as well be naked.

Another heavyset man shoulder-barged his way in, knocking Matt off balance next to her.

‘Sorry,’ he said, his hand sliding around her waist as he steadied himself.

Quinn hoped her cardi wasn’t flammable because she was about to go up like a bonfire.

His solid frame surrounded her, shielding her from any bumps or knocks from the growing crowd. He had a firm grip on her, protecting her, claiming her. She thought it was wishful thinking on her part until they arrived at their floor and he escorted her out, refusing to relinquish his hold until they were far from the crowd. His lingering touch even now in the empty corridor was blowing her he’s-only-being-polite theory out of the water. Surely his patience would’ve run out by now if all of this had simply been him humouring her?

It was a shame he hadn’t come into her life before it had become so complicated, or later, when things were a bit more stable. Pre-Darryl, when she hadn’t been afraid to let someone get close, or post-Simon, when she might have some more control over what happened in her life.

He’d made it clear he wasn’t interested in a long-term relationship with anyone but she didn’t want to close the door on the idea altogether. Men like Matt didn’t come around very often and someday she knew she’d come to regret not acting on this moment. Perhaps if one of them actually acknowledged there was more going on between them other than Simon’s welfare she might stand a chance of something happening.

‘Matt, I think we should talk—’

Before she could plant the seed for a future romantic interlude, Matt sprang away from her à la scalded cat. She barely had time to mourn the loss of his warmth around her when she spotted the reason for the abrupt separation.

‘Hey, Rebecca.’

Another member of staff headed towards them. A woman whose curves were apparent even in her shapeless scrubs. The rising colour in Matt’s cheeks would’ve been endearing if it wasn’t for the fact Quinn was clearly the source of his sudden embarrassment.

‘Hi, Matt. What on earth are you still doing here? Weren’t you supposed to be going somewhere tonight?’ A pair of curious brown eyes lit on Quinn and she immediately realised how selfish she’d been for monopolising his time. It hadn’t entered her head that he would’ve given up a glamorous night out to sit listening to her tales of woe in a dingy pub.

Matt slid his green-eyed gaze at her too, and Quinn hovered between the couple, very much an outsider in the conversation. There was clearly something unsaid flying across the top of her head. Metaphorically speaking, of course. She had the advantage of a couple of inches in height on the raven-haired doctor. But it was the only one she had here, as she didn’t know what they were talking about, or indeed, what relationship they might have beyond being work colleagues. It wasn’t any of her business, yet she had to refrain from rugby-tackling the pretty doctor to the ground and demanding to know what interest she had in Matt.

Okay, so she was a little more invested in Matt than she’d intended.

‘I…er…changed my mind. I wanted to check in on one of my patients, Simon, one of the kids from the school fire. This is his mum, Quinn. Quinn, this is Rebecca Scott, a transplant surgeon here at the Castle.’

Finally, she was introduced into the conversation before she started a catfight over a man who wasn’t even hers.

‘I’m so sorry you were caught up in that. I know it’s been horrendous for all involved but I hear Simon’s treatment’s going well?’ Rebecca reached out in sympathy and dampened down any wicked thoughts Quinn might’ve harboured towards her.

‘It is. In fact, I’m just going to see him now after his surgery.’

‘Well, he’s definitely in the best hands.’ There was admiration there but Quinn didn’t detect anything other than professional courtesy.

‘Yes, he is. Listen, Matt, I’m going to go and see how he is. I’ll catch up with you later. Nice to meet you, Rebecca.’ She didn’t hang around for Matt’s inevitable insistence he accompany her, nor did she look back to overanalyse the couple’s body language once she’d left. They had separate lives, different roles in Simon’s future, which didn’t necessarily equate to a relationship or a debt to each other. She was confusing her needs with his and a clear head was vital in facing the months ahead. It was down to her to prepare Simon for his future family and she couldn’t do that whilst pining for one of her own. Until then, she’d do well to remember it was just the two of them.

‘What are you doing?’ Rebecca moved in front of Matt, blocking his view of Quinn walking away.

‘Hmm?’ He was itching to follow her so they could see Simon together but the manner in which she’d left said she didn’t want an audience for the reunion. She could be emotional at the best of times and seeing her five-year-old post-surgery would certainly give her cause for more tears. He’d give her a few minutes’ privacy before he joined them, and as soon as he’d fulfilled his promise to the boy, he’d do what he should’ve done in the first place and go home.

Quinn rounded the corner and vanished from sight. It had been a long day for all of them and he didn’t want to abandon her when she was so fragile. Instead, he turned his attention back to Rebecca to find her with her arms folded, eyebrows raised and her lips tilted into a half-smile.

‘I told Simon I’d show him how to do a few magic tricks before he went home. I thought cheering him up was more important than a few drinks with someone I hardly know.’

‘I believe you,’ she said, her voice dripping with enough sarcasm to force Matt to defend his presence here post-shift.

‘What? You think there’s something going on with me and Quinn? She’s having a nightmare of a time with Simon and he seems to respond better when I’m around. That’s all.’ He shut down any gossip fodder without the utterance of a lie. Anything remotely salacious resided entirely in his head. For now.