If There's No Tomorrow

I liked this Mom better.

Bitter-tasting guilt swallowed me up in one gulp, and I lowered my spoon. It was terrible thinking that, but it was true. This Mom made dinner when she could and asked about school. She joked around and spent the evenings eating ice cream on the couch with me while watching Dance Moms or The Walking Dead. The old Mom was always at dinners with Dad, and when she was home, so was he, so she was with him.

The old Mom had been all about Dad, every second of every day.

Now the grin had faded from her face, and I wondered if she was thinking about Dad, thinking about her life when she wasn’t an insurance agent living paycheck to paycheck, didn’t spend the nights alone.

My spoon clanged off the bowl. “You okay, Mom?”

“What?” She blinked a couple of times. “Yes. Of course. I’m fine. Why do you ask?”

I studied her for a few seconds, unsure if I should believe her. Mom looked okay—looked like she did yesterday and the day before—but there were faint lines around the corners of her mouth and eyes. Her brow creased where it hadn’t before, and her eyes, the same hazel as mine but more green, appeared haunted. “You looked sad.”

“Not sad. Just thinking about things.” Clasping the back of my neck, she bent down and kissed my forehead. “I won’t be home until late tonight, but I will be home for dinner tomorrow. Thinking about making spaghetti.”

“And meatballs?” I asked, hopeful for those homemade balls of grease and goodness.

She pulled back, wiggling her brows. “Only if you do the laundry. There’s a pile of towels that need your love and attention.”

“Done.” I hopped up out of my seat to take my bowl and spoon to the sink. I rinsed them out and placed them on the counter above the broken dishwasher. “Anything else you need me to do?”

“Hmm.” She headed into the living room, slinging her purse over her shoulder. “Clean the bathrooms?”

“Now you’re taking advantage of my kind offer.”

Mom grinned back at me. “Just do the towels and you’ll get meatballs.”

I was way too excited about those meatballs.

“And I’ll pick you up low-fat Pop-Tarts,” she added.

“You do that and I will never speak to you again!”

She laughed as she grabbed her gray blazer from the banister. “You kind of have to talk to me. I’m your mom. You can’t escape me.”

“I will find a way to escape if you walk through these doors with low-fat Pop-Tarts.”

She laughed while opening the front door. “Okay, okay. They’ll be full of all the sugar and fat you can want. See you tonight.”

“Love you.” I moved to close the door, but I leaned against the frame, watching her teeter down the driveway in heels.

Chewing on my lower lip, I shifted my weight, trying to work out the weird unease stirring in the pit of my stomach. Mom said she was fine, but I knew she wasn’t. She might never be, because, deep down, even though she was right here, her heart was still chasing after Dad.

* * *

I kept my head in the game during the different drills we had to do and while we practiced techniques, which meant I didn’t get a Coach Rogers lecture afterward. I left practice feeling a million times better than I did on Friday.

At home, I washed off the layer of sweat and then ate a lunch of microwavable bacon and another round of cereal. I was walking into the living room just as my phone rang on the coffee table. I groaned when I saw who it was. I sent the call to voice mail without hesitation, picked up the remote and settled on the ID channel.

With the Dangerous Women marathon playing in the background, I sat back on the couch and picked up my book. I’d finished the first one in a series last night and had made it through only the first couple of chapters of the second, but I couldn’t wait to fall back into the world of the Night Court and High Fae.

And Rhysand.

Couldn’t forget about him.

I curled up on the corner of the couch about to get my reading on, when there was a knock on the door. For a minute I considered ignoring it and getting lost in the pages of the book, but when there was another knock, I sighed, got up and made my way to the front door. I peered out the window and my stomach dropped all the way to my toes when I saw who was there.

Sebastian.

Unable to fight the stupid grin spreading across my face, I opened the door. “Hey.”

“You busy?” He placed one hand on the doorframe and leaned in. The movement caused the old, faded gray shirt to stretch across his biceps in a way that drew my gaze.

“Not really.” I stepped back to let him in, but he stayed at the door.

“Perfect. I was going to head out to the lake and get my car dirty as hell. You game?” He winked, and dammit all to hell, he actually looked good doing it. “It’ll be fun.”

I’d forgotten about his badminton win. “Sure. Let me get my keys.” I toed on a pair of old sneakers and grabbed my phone and bag before following Sebastian outside. “What are you planning to do?”

“You know the dusty roads leading out to the lake area?” he asked. “Figured that should do enough damage.”

I got in the passenger side as he got behind the wheel. “Not sure how I’m supposed to help.”

He shrugged with one shoulder as he turned the key. “Just wanted your company.”

My stomach fluttered, and I sat back, buckling myself in as I desperately ignored the feeling. Bright sunlight streamed through the windshield. Sebastian reached behind him, snagging his baseball cap off the floor, and pulled it on, tugging the bill down low, and I...I sighed.

I couldn’t help it.

Boys in baseball caps were my weakness, and Sebastian rocked the look. Something about that old, worn cap showcased the chiseled line of his jaw.

Ugh.

I closed my eyes and told myself to stop looking at him. Just in general. Maybe for the rest of my life? Or at least for the next year or so. That sounded like a valid plan.

I really needed to get a grip.

I rolled my eyes and turned down the radio for a distraction. “I haven’t been to the lake since Keith attempted to make water skis out of snow skis.”

Sebastian laughed deeply. “God, when was that? In July? Seems like forever ago.”

“Yeah.” I sat back, fiddling with the hem on my shirt. “It was right before you left for North Carolina.”

“Can’t believe you haven’t headed out there since. Is it because going to the lake is only fun when I’m with you?” he teased, reaching over to flick my arm. “You know, you can just admit it.”

“Yeah. That’s exactly it.” I knocked his hand away and crossed my ankles. “The girls aren’t huge fans of the lake.” That wasn’t a lie at least. “So do you think Megan and Phillip are going to get back together?”

“God only knows. Probably. Then they’ll break up again. Then get back together.” He grinned. “I know he wants to get back with her. He’s pretty open about that.”

“That’s cool,” I murmured.

He quirked a brow at me.

“Most guys don’t want to admit stuff like that to their dude friends,” I reasoned.

“And you’d know this because you’re a guy?”

“Yes. I’m secretly a guy.”

Sebastian ignored me. “I think when most guys are really into a girl, they don’t care who knows. They’re not ashamed of it.”

I was going to have to take his word on it.

The lake was about twenty minutes outside town, near Keith’s family farm, after a series of gravel and dirt roads. From what I knew, it was actually on the outskirts of Keith’s family property, and his family owned it. But they didn’t really police it, so people could use it however they saw fit.

Sebastian turned onto the private access road. The wheels bumped over the uneven terrain and dust plumed into the air, coating the Jeep within moments. “Keith is going to be so ticked at you.” I laughed as I peered out the window. “But he’d totally do the same thing.”

“Hell, he would’ve taken his car mud-bogging and then brought it to me. I don’t feel bad at all.”

After hitting every barely accessible road for about an hour, my butt hurt and the Jeep was completely unrecognizable. I figured we’d start heading back, but then I caught a glimpse of the lake through the trees.

Yearning sparked in my chest. I thought about going home to the empty, quiet house that sometimes reminded me of a set of bones that had no skin or muscle. It was just an outline of a home. No filler.

Guilt churned my stomach. The house did have filler. It had my mom, and my sister when she was home, and my mom did everything and more to make it a home...but sometimes there was no denying what was missing.

Mom lived a... She lived a half life.

She worked all the time, came home, worked some more, ate dinner and went to sleep. Rinse and repeat the next day. That was her half life.

“Can we stay for a little while?” I asked, shoving my hands between my knees. “Or do you have somewhere to be?”

“Nope. Got nothing else to do. Let me hit these roads a couple of more times, and we’ll head down to the dock.”

“Awesome,” I murmured.

I stayed quiet as Sebastian drove down a few more roads before he pulled off on the shoulder, by some bushes. I unbuckled my seat belt.

“Stay put for a second,” he said before I could open the door.

I watched him with raised brows as he hopped out and jogged around the front of the Jeep. He opened my door and bowed with flourish. “Milady.”

I snort-laughed. “Seriously?”

He extended a hand toward me. “I’m a gentleman.”

I took his hand and let him help me out of the Jeep. I started to hop down when his other hand landed on my hip. Surprised by the contact, I jerked forward and my foot slipped on the wet grass.

Sebastian caught me, his hand sliding off my hip and wrapping around my waist. He drew me to him, against his chest. Air punched out of my lungs at the unexpected move. Our bodies were sealed together.

My throat dried instantly as I slowly lifted my head. I couldn’t see his eyes, since they were hidden behind the bill of the cap. My heart was pounding so fast I wondered if he could feel it.

We were that close.

“Having trouble?” He laughed, but something sounded off about it. It was deeper than normal, and his laugh sent a series of tight shivers down my spine. “I don’t know if I can trust you to walk to the docks.”

“Oh, come on.” I started to step back, needing the space before I did something incredibly stupid, like, say, stretching up, grabbing his cheeks and bringing his mouth to mine.

Then Sebastian smiled. It was his only warning.

He dipped slightly, hooked his arm behind my knees, and a second later I was up in the air, my stomach folding over his shoulders. His arm clamped down over my hips, holding me in place.

Shrieking, I grabbed the back of his shirt. “What are you doing?”

“Helping you get to the docks.”

“Oh my God!” I yelled, clasping the back of his shirt. My hair fell forward like a thick curtain. “I can walk on my own!”

He pivoted around and started walking. “I don’t know about that.”

“Sebastian!”

“If you were to fall and get hurt, I would never forgive myself.” He stepped over a fallen tree limb. “And then your mom would be upset with me. Your sister would have to come home, and she actually scares me.”

“What?” I shrieked, smacking his back with my fist. “Why does Lori scare you?”

He picked up his pace, taking long, unnecessary steps that caused me to bounce. “She’s intense. Her glare alone can shrivel up parts of me I prefer not to be shriveled.”

I lifted my head. I could barely see the Jeep anymore. I slammed my fist into his kidney, causing him to grunt, and he returned the gesture by putting an extra little hop in his step.

“That wasn’t nice.”

“I’m going to physically hurt you.”

“You’d do no such thing.”

Shade gave way to sunlight and the rocky dirt and broken twigs turned to grass. The scent of wet soil grew stronger. “You can put me down now.”

“Just one more second.”

“What—”

Suddenly he threw his other arm out and spun around as he belted out, “I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky—”

“Oh my God!” A laugh burst out of me even though there was a good chance I was going to puke all over his back.

“I think about it night and day!”

“You’re so stupid!” I choked out another laugh. “What is wrong with you?”

“Spread my wings and something, something away!” He stopped suddenly, and I slid off his shoulder. With impressive ease, he caught me, pulling me down the front—the entire front—of his body.

I wobbled backward and plopped down in the plush grass, planting my hands in the warm blades. “You...you are not right.”

“I think I’m pretty amazing.” He dropped down beside me. “Not everyone gets to hear my hidden talent.”

“Talent?” I gasped, looking over at him. “You sounded like a polar bear getting murdered.”

He threw his head back and laughed so hard his baseball cap fell off. “You’re just jealous you don’t have the voice of an angel.”

“You’re delusional!” I swung my arm out.

He was wicked fast, catching my wrist effortlessly. “No hitting. Jesus. You’re like a five-year-old.”

“I’ll show you a five-year-old!” I tried to yank my arm free, but he pulled forward at the same time, and I was off balance. Somehow, and I don’t know and would never understand how, I ended up half on top of him, half on the grass. My legs tangled with his, I was nearly in his lap, and we were eye to eye.

Except he wasn’t staring at my eyes.

At least it didn’t seem that way. It felt like his gaze was focused on my mouth, and my stomach hollowed. Time seemed to stop and I became aware of every part of him that was touching me. His arm still circled around my waist, and his hard thigh pressed against mine. His thin shirt was under my palm, and I felt his hard chest under that.

“I’m delusional?” he asked, voice raspy.

I shivered. “Yes.”

He lifted his hand, and I held my breath as he caught the hair in my face and carefully, so gently, brushed it back from my face. He left his hand curled around the nape of my neck.

Seconds passed, only a few heartbeats, and he made a sound I’d never heard before. It was raspy and low and seemed to come from deep within him. And I was moving without thinking, lowering my head, my mouth...

And I kissed Sebastian.

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