More Than a Memory

She could’ve walked, but driving gave her a moment to collect herself. She pulled into a graveled lot at the end of a log structure. Jo looked the building over as she locked her car. Neon lettering spilling out of a giant foamy beer mug identified the establishment as Logan’s Pub.

At once a different image flashed before Jo’s eyes, making her blink. In her mind the sign said not Logan’s Pub, but Garret and…someone else’s…Pub. The second name swam, refusing to come into focus. The entire image dissipated in an instant. But it lasted long enough to startle Jo, and her sweaty hand slipped off the heavy oak door.

A plaque nailed at eye level announced live bluegrass music on Friday and Saturday nights. Thankfully that sign didn’t float or change. Still, her stomach fluttered as Jo stepped inside and took a minute to let her eyes adjust to the dim interior.

Suddenly her knees threatened to buckle as she was overwhelmed by a rush of nostalgia she couldn’t explain. A polished bar reflected light from several brewery signs. Her nose wrinkled at the malty smell of beer. As far as she knew, this was the first time she’d ever set foot inside this tavern or any other.

Her eyes skimmed the dark-haired bartender who had his back toward the door as he filled a glass with a dark amber brew. Two other men sat at the farthest end of the bar, deep in conversation. One had a glass of beer and a sandwich in front of him. The other had a sandwich but no beer. Dismissing the men, Jo’s eyes lit on a small empty stage opposite the bar.

Aloud crash had her whipping her head back toward the bar. The bartender had dropped the glass, and a million winking pieces swam across the floor in a river of ale.

GARRET LOGAN HAD HEARD the front door open and close. It was early for the onslaught of the usual afterwork crowd. He finished drawing an ale for the second of two salesmen at the bar before he turned to check on the new customer. When he did, the glass slipped from his hand. He blinked hard, trying to erase the too-real apparition of a woman he’d thought dead for the past seven years. He’d assumed Colleen Drake lay buried in some East-Coast cemetery, along with her father, Joe. And with her, a secret the two of them had never told a soul.

Unable to tear his eyes from the mirage, he whispered a shaky “Colleen? My God, come closer. Let me look at you.” Garret’s brain said he should fill another glass for the waiting salesman. At the very least he needed to clean up the mess. But his boots seemed welded to the worn plank floor as his eyes drank in Colleen’s beautiful features.

She stared at him, her eyebrows drawn together.

“You’re the second person in this town to call me Colleen. Who are you? Do you know me?”

No. She couldn’t be serious. Garret would know Colleen anywhere in spite of the inevitable changes in her appearance—such as the salon-tamed hair that used to curl wildly around his hands each time he tilted her face up for a kiss. This classy woman who gazed at him from several feet away had a degree of sophistication Colleen had lacked. But it could be no one else. Dammit, half his life had been entwined with hers. He’d loved her even longer than that. Loved her with all his heart. And for seven years he’d grieved over her death. It was only in the past year that he’d been able to consider going on without her. It didn’t matter that his large, loving family and host of friends urged him to get on with his life almost daily. Garret’s pain at losing Colleen had been too great. They’d planned to be married as soon as he returned from Ireland.

From deep inside a fog of shock, he watched her come closer. In the same smoky voice he’d never forgotten, she murmured, “May I call someone? Did you cut yourself on the glass?”

The formality of her query shook Garret out of his paralysis. The paralysis was replaced by unreasonable anger. He planted both hands on the bar to steady himself. “Where did you run off to? Why are you back now? What do you want from me?”

A dozen questions swirled in her head, but what came out surprised Jo. “If you don’t mind, I’ll take a sarsaparilla.” Truthfully, she had no idea what she had just requested, other than she thought it was some type of soft drink. She hadn’t ever tasted sarsaparilla. Had she?

Garret didn’t smile but said through clenched teeth, “Why don’t you and I step outside?”

“Why?” Jo’s voice wobbled.

“Because we have an old score to settle.”

“What old score?”

“As if you don’t know. Give me a minute. I’ll get Brian to take over for me here.” Abruptly he turned his back on her, grabbed a mug, filled it to the brim and deposited it in front of his customer, who along with his friend was taking everything in. Too shaken to stay in her presence a moment longer, Garret stiff-armed his way through a door marked Private at the back of the bar.

“Who are you? And who’s Brian?” she asked, raising her voice.

The door swung shut behind him on silent hinges, leaving Jo gaping at the rude man who hadn’t felt the need to share his name.

Chapter Two

GARRET SHOVED THE DOOR OPEN so forcefully he nearly hit his brother Brian, who was toting two trays of clean glasses into the main bar. “Whoa, dude!” His brother jumped aside in the nick of time. “What’s your rush?” Only Brian’s agility saved them from having to clean up even more broken glass.

“She’s back. She’s out there.” Garret jerked a thumb at the still-swinging door.

“Who? Are you all right?”

“Colleen. Colleen Drake is back. She sashayed right up to the bar, cool as you please, asking for sarsaparilla like she used to. Remember how Mom stocked sarsaparilla at home for her?And Dad had it here because it was all Colleen liked, but her mother nixed soda pop. Sharon said sugar made Colleen too high-strung to play her violin.”

“Slow down. You’re babbling, my man. Take a deep breath. Colleen’s been dead for seven years. You’ve probably gone and scared off a customer, Garret.” Brian set the heavy trays on the kitchen island that held a six-burner stove and a well-used grill.

Garret was ready to yell at his older brother, but with a backward glance at the door, kept his voice low. “It’s her, I tell you.” It was true he hadn’t set eyes on Colleen Drake since her whole family left town while he escorted his mother to Ireland for her family reunion. But Harvey Bolton, the real estate agent who sold the Drakes’ house, told everyone Joe and Colleen had died in a car accident.

Brian laid a hand on Garret’s shoulder. “Garret, maybe you should go home and let me handle the bar. Sean showed you the newspaper article about the accident. You must be mistaken. They say we all have a twin somewhere in the world.”

“Right, and Colleen’s twin happens to love sarsaparilla? I’m telling you, Brian, it’s her.” Garret shook off his brother’s hand. “I can’t deal with her right now. Do me a favor. Ask her how long she’s going to be in town and where I can find her when I calm down some.” Garret’s voice cracked. Elbowing his brother aside, he pulled a set of keys from his jeans pocket. “Sorry to leave you shorthanded. Oh, yeah—I dropped a full glass of Sam Adams. There’s glass and beer all over behind the bar.”He hesitated, as if wanting to say more, but instead, yanked open the pantry and hauled out a fifth of Bushmills Irish whiskey, then left by the back door.

Brian Logan chased after his brother. “On second thought, Garret, if you’re right and it is Colleen Drake, I probably won’t be very nice to her. How could I after what you’ve been through? Give me the whiskey. Go back and talk to her yourself. Don’t let that woman drive you back into the bottle.”

“I won’t. I need a little liquid courage, is all, before I tell her exactly what I think.” Garret wagged the bottle.

“Dammit, you’ve been back to your old self this year.”

Garret didn’t respond. He brushed past Sean, his brother closest in age, who was returning from a run to the bank. Along with Garret and Brian, Sean was part-owner of the pub.

Without a word to Sean, Garret climbed into his Suzuki Grand Vitara and sent up a spray of gravel as he tore out of the lot.

“What’s got his tail in a twist?” Sean gestured with an empty bank deposit bag toward the rapidly receding vehicle.

Brian took the bag from Sean. “I need to attend to business inside. Go after Garret. Make sure he’s okay. He’s just had the shock of his life. I’m guessing he’s headed to his house.”

“What kind of shock?”

Brian glared angrily back at the pub. “I haven’t seen her yet, but apparently, Colleen Drake has returned from the dead. From hell, if you ask me, considering the basket case she left Garret.”

“But…we all saw the news photo of Joe Drake’s car being loaded onto a flatbed truck. The article said the driver and passenger were pronounced dead at the scene. There’s no way anyone could have survived that wreck.”

“Yeah, well, either Garret’s suddenly lost his mind, or the reporter got his facts wrong. Go. Make sure Garret doesn’t polish off too much of that bottle. And if he’s too rattled to come back and handle the afterwork crowd, see if Molly can come in,” Brian instructed, referring to their only sister.

Sean struck out for his pickup. “I’ll phone Mom. Then Trish and Jaclyn,” he said, looking relieved that Brian would be the one dealing with their surprise visitor.

Brian nodded. “I’ll see if I can find out why she’s here, and how long she plans to stick around. I wonder where she’s staying.”

“Not too many choices. Trish is working the desk at the resort this afternoon. When I phone her, I can ask if Colleen checked in. If not, maybe it wouldn’t hurt for Trish to tell her they’re full up. She might just decide to move on.”

“She’s Garret’s business, Sean, not ours. Maybe she has a good reason for being gone so long.”

“What good reason could there be for letting Garret dangle for seven damn years? He bought land to build her a house, for cripe’s sake. He deserves an explanation at least, Brian.”

“Right. You’re right. Our folks always treated Colleen like a second daughter. Like they treat my wife and Galen’s and now your fiancée. I can’t think of any excuse that’s strong enough for us to forgive how badly she hurt Garret. Go, do what you have to, Sean. I’ll see if it’s really Colleen at the bar, and not some figment of Garret’s imagination.” Brian returned to the pub’s kitchen where he grabbed a broom, bucket and mop and went to tackle his brother’s mess.

A FEW TIMES on the drive home Garret considered turning back. Part of him knew Brian was right in saying he’d come a long way this past year. He was also right that Garret shouldn’t let Colleen send him into a tailspin again. But he couldn’t help it.

There was the note she’d left with his dad shortly after he accompanied his mom on the trip to Ireland. In it she said she was going to Boston with her parents for a few days—strictly to pacify her mother. She said her mom had arranged for an audition at some highbrow music conservatory. But Colleen assured Garret that she had no intention of attending anymusic school so far away.

Today she’d looked spiffy enough to have become one of the highbrows. What the hell had happened to her resolve?

Garret pulled into his driveway but he didn’t get out. He gripped the steering wheel with both hands. A few weeks before Garret, and his mom, Clare, arrived home from three months abroad, the top real estate agent in White Oak Valley sold the Drake house, which sat next to the Logan family homestead. The story that circulated and had been accepted as truth was that Harvey Bolton had been contacted by a grief-stricken Sharon Drake and told to sell. Well, jeez, Garret had been grief stricken, too. And inconsolable, even though his family had banded together to try to ease his pain. Dropping his head briefly on the steering wheel between his two clenched hands, he realized the story could only have been a ruse.

He beat his palms on the wheel and released a strangled cry. Then he grabbed the bottle of Bushmills and made his way into the house he and Colleen had planned together.

JO HAD BEEN SHAKEN by the angry words flung at her by the bartender. She was half-afraid to meet him outside as he suggested. The pub was surrounded by forest. No one except a kid on a bicycle knew she’d come here looking for Garret Logan. How could she trust that surly, muscular bartender not to hurt her?

Still, those people might be her only lead, her only way to sort out the past. She was unnerved by his behavior, but even more so by her own uncharacteristic request for sarsaparilla.

As Jo hovered near the bar, undecided about leaving or staying in case the man came back, she sensed a bigger wall of hostility surrounding a second man who’d emerged from the pub’s back room. He carried a broom, a mop and a bucket. After pausing to check if the two guys seated at the bar needed anything else, he bent to the chore of cleaning up the mess left by the first bartender. If this was the Brian the other man had mentioned, he wasn’t familiar to her either.

The two men, both quite good-looking with dark hair and coffee-brown eyes, shared a familial resemblance. Plus, they were the rudest people Jo had ever encountered. Her ego still smarted from the first man saying they had a score to settle. The only scores she knew anything about were musical scores.

She supposed she could’ve explained her situation. She could’ve admitted her past was a blank. But a psychologist she’d briefly seen had cautioned her to be careful whom she confided in before she knew just how the person was linked to her past. The therapist said sometimes too much honesty allowed unscrupulous people to take advantage. She cited cases where men—especially—had claimed past romantic relationships with fugue victims, then cleaned out their bank accounts. And her mother, too, had urged Jo to be wary because she was so vulnerable.

Not that Jo had money. What she did have, apparently, was some kind of history connecting her to this town. Already she’d experienced the anxiety that accompanied flashes of déjà vu. And, yes, she definitely felt vulnerable. The bartender had also called her Colleen. Jo didn’t know what to believe.

Glancing around the pub, she felt as though she’d seen the paintings and photographs hanging on thewalls before. It was creepy, like walking into a stranger’s dream.

Still unsure if she should wait for the first bartender to return, Jo crossed to a doorway shielded by strings of green crystal beads. She parted the tinkling strands and peered into a vacant room—and was flooded with images of a wedding. Or perhaps bits and pieces of several wedding receptions. The mental pictures were so clear they made her gasp and blink.

She started to step into the room, but was blocked by a man’s arm. Jo fought the barrier momentarily, because she didn’t want to lose the moment. The blip—the wedding scene—was accompanied by raucous laughter, clinking glassware and the sounds of loud fiddle music.

Not Jo’s kind of music—not Tchaikovsky, Schumann or Beethoven—but folk songs. How was it she recognized the bluegrass sounds when her mother refused to let anything other than classical music be played in their home?

Checking her forward motion, Jo dropped her chin and gripped her head. Briefly, she recalled one of her hospital nurses bringing her a CD of country instrumentals. Her mother had pitched a fit and snapped the CD in half. “Trash,” Sharon spat, as she tossed the broken pieces in a wastebasket.

“This room is off-limits,” the man growled. “Haven’t you hurt Garret enough? He’s finally getting his life back. I can’t control who comes and goes in this town, but it is my call as to who gets served in Logan’s.” For a brief moment he relaxed his gruff stance. “Forget whatever’s brought you back to town, Colleen. Believe me, there’s nothing left for you here.”

Overcome by unexplained dizziness made worse by the man’s intense brown gaze, Jo decided she’d had quite enough Southern hospitality for one day. “I wasn’t planning on stealing the family jewels,” she said, gritting her teeth. “I came here hoping to speak to Garret Logan. But it’s clear you people have never learned basic good manners.” Not waiting to see what, if any, effect her outburst had, she turned and stalked off. She couldn’t get out of the building fast enough.

Outside in the fresh air it took several minutes to calm her nerves. The odd moment she experienced in the pub could only be a glimpse into her past. Mildred at the café and both bartenders seemed sure they knew her. They called her Colleen, the name in the highschool yearbooks and on the award certificates she’d found in the cedar box. Her father’s cedar box.

It was frightening to think about who she might have been. What could she have done to spark such negative reactions?

Jo’s inclination was to climb in her car and get out of this burg where it was abundantly clear she wasn’t wanted. It would be easy to take Jerrold’s advice and leave buried what her mother had taken such pains to hide.

But that would be cowardly. Jo had fought back from the brink of death, the doctors said. Whatever she was, she wasn’t a coward.

And yet her hand shook as she switched on the ignition. Probably because of the second bartender’s barely veiled threat that there was nothing for her in White Oak Valley. It was disturbing to think she might have committed a sin here so awful that after a long absence she’d still be persona non grata.

Slowly releasing the brake, Jo cast a final look at the pub before stepping on the gas. Was she crazy for wanting explanations?

No! Anyone who’d ever lived without memories would know it left a person feeling incomplete. Surely it was better to step up and face whatever crime she’d committed as a teenager. All sorts of possibilities chased through Jo’s mind, from the simple to the really drastic. Nothing seemed to click.

As she drove aimlessly around town, Jo recalled the past her mother had drilled into her after she’d emerged from the coma. She recalled how panicky she’d felt when no memories would come. No wonder she’d accepted the stories her mother had spun. In pain, recovering from multiple surgeries, why would she question any of it? And the pieces fit, especially after her doctors agreed to let Sharon bring Jo’s violin to her bedside. The realization that she remembered how to play had eased her initial panic. She realized now, belatedly, that was the biggest factor as to why she swallowed everything her mother had told her.

Except, how much was fact and how much fiction? The staff at the conservatory welcomed her with open arms after she’d healed enough to attend classes. That year and later, instructors often spoke in glowing terms of her first auditions. And Jerrold had signed on as her sponsor prior to the accident. So her talent, at least, was real.

But when had her parents left White Oak Valley, and why?

That was the million-dollar question Jo needed to answer. And she wasn’t going back to Boston until she had. She remembered passing a resort hotel on one of her swings through town. Circling back, Jo was relieved to see only a handful of cars in the lot. Her bank account was healthy enough to allow her to stay a few weeks.

She parked and went inside. To the left of an empty lobby, a dark-haired woman not much older than Jo stood behind the check-in counter. Her badge said Trish Collier.

“I’d like a room, please.” Jo smiled as she slid a credit card from her wallet. “Three nights to start. Possibly more. I’m not sure how long my business in White Oak Valley will take.”

“Sorry,” the clerk said. “We’re full up,” she added, turning away to sort through a pile of registration slips.

Jo glanced down the two corridors she could see from where she stood. The place was as silent as a tomb.

The clerk noticed and said, “Most of our guests are out on a tour of Smoky Mountain National Park.”

“Ah. Then could you recommend another hotel in town? Anyplace clean and safe.”

“You won’t find any vacancies in the valley. White Oak Valley’s Spring Arts and Crafts Fair starts tomorrow. There’s nothing from now until the Mountain Music Festival in mid-June. All area hotels and resorts are booked as much as a year in advance.”

“I see.” Jo returned her credit card to her purse. Her thoughts tumbled back to the award certificates in her car. Was that the same mountain music festival? If so, it would pay off to see if anyone connected to judging the contest remembered her. Jo’s experience in the world of music told her the same folks judged year after year. Someone was bound to remember a girl talented enough to win so many contests.

Thanking Trish Collier for her time, Jo left the resort. Possibly she’d have to leave the valley now and come back for the music festival in June. It went without saying that she was hugely disappointed.

Jo decided to take the long route out of town, admiring the scenery on both sides of the country road. That was how she came to spot a bed-and-breakfast with a Vacancy sign blowing gently in the late-afternoon breeze. Jo’s heart beat faster. Could she be so lucky?

She quickly made a U-turn and sped back to take a closer look at the two-story home with its wide, appealing veranda. Everything about it, from its butter-yellow paint to Wedgewood-blue shutters, to the American flag fluttering above the broad front steps, looked inviting. A handicap ramp made the wicker porch furniture accessible to any manner of traveler.

Jo pulled in, got out and practically skipped up to the front door. “Hi,” she called to a young woman she spotted through the screen. “Is your Vacancy sign for real? I understood most area hotels are booked solid till June.”

A slender blond woman opened the screen door. “I wish that was true for us. We have six rooms to rent. You can have your pick.” She named a price and said it included breakfast, plus afternoon tea and a homemade snack.

Jo thought that amount was more than reasonable. “Do you take credit cards?” If they operated on a cashonly basis that would be a drawback. She couldn’t fathom why else the other accommodations were full and not this charming place.

“We take all major credit cards. By the way, I’m Kendra Rowan. Welcome to Buttercup Cottage.” Kendra stepped aside, allowing her guest to enter. “My husband, Jim, and I have spent the better part of two years renovating this house. It belonged to Jim’s grandmother. We’re originally from California. Jim was an army cook. He, uh, lost both his legs when his convoy was hit by an IED in Iraq.” Kendra paused to draw a breath. “That’s probably way more than you want to know. Jim always says I tend to ramble. But I wanted to assure you he’s still a great cook.”

“I’m so sorry,” Jo burst out. “You’re both to be commended. This place looks fabulous. It had to be a huge undertaking with or without handicaps.”

“Our biggest challenge came after Jim’s surgery. He’d always dreamed of opening a restaurant one day. After his accident, he lost heart. All the credit goes to the rehab doctors and nurses who convinced him a kitchen could be modified. Jim’s so close to realizing his dream, if we can attract more customers like you.”

Jo saw Kendra discreetly wipe a tear from her cheek. “Once word gets out, you’ll be swamped,” Jo said earnestly, handing over her credit card. “Charge three nights. If I decide to stay longer, I’ll let you know.” Jo was tempted to share her own story with Kendra, but something held her back. Until she found out exactly what her connection was to this town, it might be better not to give Kendra or her husband any reason to mistrust her.

With the paperwork complete, Jo accepted Kendra’s suggestion of a second-floor room decorated in cool blues and Victorian furniture. A dormer window overlooked the valley that was again layered with gauzy, bluish fog.

When Jo commented on the mist, her hostess said, “Jim’s dad grew up in this house. He told us the Cherokee called this territory Shaconage.” She pronounced it sha-con-ah-jey. “The name means ‘land of blue smoke.’If this is your first visit to the Great Smoky Mountains, I hope you plan on seeing our many historic sites. I thought it would be hard to leave the bright lights of San Francisco, but in the two years we’ve been here, I’ve fallen under the mountains’ magic spell. I tell Jim it’s like we’re living in a fairyland. You’ll see what I mean.”