Summer Of Love

This is your...your...

No.

Whatever it was, whatever her body had been about to yell, she was suddenly closing down in fright. She was tugging away, pushing, shoving back. He released her the instant she pushed. She stood in the silent courtyard and stared at him as if he had two heads.

He didn’t have two heads. He was just a guy. Just a stranger who happened to be vaguely related.

He was just the guy who’d saved her teddy.

She stared down at the bear at her feet, gasped and stooped to grab it. But Finn was before her, stooping to pick it up before she did. Their gaze met on the way up, and he handed over the bear with all solemnity.

‘Was that why we stopped?’ he asked. ‘Because you’d dropped your bear?’

‘Don’t...don’t be ridiculous.’

‘Then don’t look scared. Sweetheart, it was just a kiss.’

‘I’m not your sweetheart.’

‘No.’

‘And I couldn’t care less about the teddy.’ But she did, she realised.

Why?

Because Finn had offered to burn it for her?

Because Finn had saved it?

The stupid twisting inside her was still going on and she didn’t understand it. She didn’t want it. It felt as if she was exposing something that hurt.

‘We can give these things to charity,’ she managed. ‘That’d be more sensible than burning.’

‘Much more sensible,’ he agreed. Then he picked up the giraffe. ‘I’ll still be keeping this lad, though. No one would be wanting a stuffed giraffe with a wobbly neck.’

‘I’ll mend him for you.’

‘That would be a kindness. But he’s still not going to charity. How about Loppy?’

‘I guess...I’m keeping him as well.’ She was still wary, still unsure what had just happened. Still scared it might happen again.

‘Then here’s a suggestion,’ he said, and the cheerful ordinariness was back in his voice, as if the kiss had never happened. ‘There’s a trailer in the stables. I’ll hook it up and cart these guys—with the exception of Loppy and Noddy—into the village before the night dew falls. That’ll stop us needing to cart them upstairs again. Meanwhile, you do some mending or take a walk or just wander the parapets and practice being Lady of the Castle. Whatever you want. Take some space to get to know Loppy.’

‘I...thank you.’ It was what she needed, she conceded. Space.

‘Take all the time you need,’ Finn said and then his smile faded and the look he gave her was questioning and serious. ‘We’re here until the documents can be signed. We do need to figure if there’s anything in this pile to keep. But Jo...’

‘Y... Yes?’

‘Never, ever look at me again as if you’re afraid of me,’ he told her. ‘We can organise things another way. I can stay in the village, or you can if that makes you feel safer. Whatever you like. But I won’t touch you and I won’t have you scared of me.’

‘I’m not.’

‘Yes, you are,’ he said gently. ‘And it needs to stop now.’

* * *

It took a couple of hours to link the trailer, pack the toys and cart them into the village. In truth, it was wasted time—there was so much in the castle to be sorted and dispersed that taking one load to the local charity shop was a speck in the ocean.

But he knew Jo needed him to leave. He’d kissed her, he’d felt her respond, he’d felt the heat and the desire—and then he’d felt the terror.

He wasn’t a man to push where he wasn’t wanted. He wasn’t a man who’d ever want a woman to fear him.

And then there was the complication of Maeve and her father’s expectations. He was well over it. The whole thing made him feel tired, but Maeve had left loose ends that needed to be sorted and they needed to be sorted now.

He was almost back at the castle but somehow he didn’t want to be taking the complication of Maeve back there. He pulled to the side of the road and rang.

‘Finn.’ Maeve’s voice was flat, listless. Normally he’d be sympathetic, gently pushing her to tell him what was happening but today things felt more urgent.

‘Have you told him?’

‘I can’t. I told you I can’t. That’s why I came to see you. Finn, he’ll be so upset. He’s wanted us to marry for so long. He’s already had a heart attack. It’ll kill him.’

‘That’s a risk you have to take. Keeping the truth from your father any longer is dumb.’

‘Then come and tell him with me. You can placate him. He’s always thought of you as his son.’

‘But I’m not his son,’ he said gently. ‘Maeve, face it.’

‘Give me another week. Just a few more days.’

‘By the time I come home, Maeve.’ His voice was implacable. ‘It has to be over.’

There was a moment’s pause. Then... ‘Why? You’ve met someone else?’ And, astonishingly, she sounded indignant.

And that was what he got for loyalty, he thought grimly. An ex-fiancée who still assumed he was hers.

‘It’s none of your business, Maeve,’ he told her and somehow forced his voice back to gentleness. ‘Whatever I do, it’s nothing to do with you.’

He disconnected but he stayed sitting on the roadside for a long time.

Loyalty...

It sat deep with him. Bone-deep. It was the reason he couldn’t have walked away from his mam and brothers when his dad died. It would have been far easier to get a job in Dublin, fending for himself instead of fighting to eke out an existence for all of them. But the farm was his home and he’d fought to make it what it was, supporting his family until the need was no longer there. And by then the farm felt a part of him.

And Maeve? Maeve was in the mix too. She’d been an only child, his next door neighbour, his friend. Her father dreamed of joining the two farms together, and Finn’s loyalty to that dream had always been assumed.

Maeve had smashed that assumption. He should be sad, he thought, but he wasn’t. Just tired. Tired of loyalty?

No.

He could see the castle in the distance, solid, vast, a piece of his heritage. A piece of his country’s heritage. Could old loyalties change? Shift?

His world seemed out of kilter. He wasn’t sure how to right it but somehow it seemed to have a new centre.

A woman called Jo?

It was too soon, he told himself. It was far too soon, but for now...for now it was time to return to the castle.

Time to go...to a new home?

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