In Love By Christmas

“Yes. Tell me the truth.” Tell me why you don’t like me. Tell me why I’m not good enough. No one could ever answer that question.

He reached over and slid the ombré-inspired design toward him. “It is a nice gown.”

Josie groaned. How many times had she heard? It was nice to meet you, Josie. But it was never nice enough for those prospective families to return for her. To take a chance on her.

“Hear me out.” Theo leaned toward her, his gaze pinning her in place. “There’s nothing unexpected in this gown. Nothing in the details that captures the attention and holds onto it.”

Josie glanced at her monochrome sweater and scarf. She’d never wanted to stand out. She’d wanted to be normal, like all the other kids. To blend in. “The details come from the bride.”

“But you’re the designer. This gown is yours to create as you envision it.” Theo tapped his finger on the paper, his tone firm. “It’s your name on the design. It’s your brand.”

“But it’s the bride’s wedding. The brides themselves inspire those unique details.” Josie unwrapped her infinity scarf. The thick blue seemed to be absorbing the negative, not repelling it. But the color blue was supposed to ward off negative energies. At least that was what Mimi had always told her. “Who inspires all the Coast to Coast Living items?”

“Me.”

Josie concentrated on closing her mouth. Surely she’d misheard. Surely the company created for the customer they wished to attract. The image of Theo wrapped in one of their signature fleece blankets, wearing their popular fluffy reindeer socks and drinking their signature hot chocolate from the current season’s Santa mug, was impossible to envision. The tension in his jaw spread to his quiet gaze, locking in his serious expression. Now wasn’t the time to question him. Now was not the time to notice the whisper of pain in his eyes as his gaze slid away from hers.

Now was definitely not the time to become aware of the man beneath the smart dress shirt, slacks and polished business veneer. As for wanting to take Theo’s hand and comfort him—that was surely only a bizarre reaction to the stress of this lunch. Still, Josie held her hands together in her lap. “I need to meet your sister.”

She needed a distraction. A distraction from Theo. She didn’t want to get to know the real Theo Taylor. She only wanted to design a wedding gown for his sister.

He nodded toward the far side of the cafe. “Now’s your opportunity.”

Josie tucked the designs back into her book and smiled at a tall woman, carrying several large shopping bags and a wide grin. Theo completed the introductions and pulled out a chair for his sister.

“Sorry. I was early so I went to the store. Then I got caught up redesigning several of the holiday tables with the staff and now I’m late.” Adriana’s sigh didn’t deflate her enthusiasm. Shopping bags settled on the empty chair beside her, she pulled out her cell phone, tapped the screen and handed the phone to Josie. “I think the displays turned out quite beautiful.”

Josie enlarged a photograph of a rectangular dining-room table, exquisitely set for eight. The natural table runner was stamped with metallic snowflakes and pinecones paired with the royal blue cloth napkins folded inside silver holly-leaf napkin holders. Polished silverware rested on round burlap place mats. Satin chair covers turned ordinary seats into invitations to linger through a five-course meal. Mimi would’ve adored the dancing holiday images scrolled on the plates. The dinnerware would have blended perfectly with Mimi’s collection of whimsical holiday pillows.

Mimi’s house hadn’t been large enough for a formal dining room. The dinner table had been converted to a sewing station long before Josie had moved in. Yet Josie had never lived in a house more welcoming than Mimi’s unconventional, pillbox-size cottage.

Adriana smiled at Josie. “I’d be happy to help design your holiday table, too.”

“No, thank you. The display is lovely though.” But not for people who lived in tiny studio apartments, surrounded by more fabric and thread than collectibles. That table belonged in her ex’s house. Or the Taylors’. Josie handed Adriana’s phone to her. “I’m more of a paper-plate-on-a-TV-tray person.”

“Everything we sell is dishwasher-and microwave-safe.” Adriana picked up the café menu. “Pretty and functional.”

Adriana would require a wedding gown much the same. A beautiful, detailed dress that also allowed her to move among what was certain to be a rather extensive guest list. Strapless or sleeves? Illusion or cap? Strapless allowed for easier movement on the dance floor. Although formal dancing—as in ballroom—expected conservative cuts. The gown had to be effortless, like Adriana.

“Perhaps we should focus on your upcoming marriage.” Theo clenched his hands together on top of his menu. “And your wedding dress, not holiday tables.”

“You’re sounding quite dramatic,” Adriana cautioned.

Theo stilled beside Josie.

Theo and drama were not two words Josie would put together. The Coast to Coast Living brand was accessible to everyone—it was stylish, affordable and obtainable. But there was something remote and stand-offish about Theo now. Something that made him about as inaccessible as if he’d climbed up a tower on the Golden Gate Bridge.

“Weddings cause too much drama.” Disinterest and boredom diluted Theo’s voice.

Or perhaps that was stress he wanted to disguise.

There’d been nothing dramatic or stressful about Josie’s wedding. She’d been married at the courthouse: no veil and a white utilitarian dress. There’d been nothing messy about her divorce, either. The prenup she’d signed to prove she’d loved her ex more than his bank account had turned the end of her four-year marriage into a cold business transaction. She’d walked away, determined to prove she was good enough despite her ex’s claims and the constant echo of the sharp childhood taunts about the poor foster kid she’d once been.

Adriana greeted the waitress. Josie ordered the spinach salad with chicken, despite the knots in her stomach.

Josie had to meet Theo’s exacting standards, whatever those were. She had to succeed not only for herself, but also for Mia and her clients, like Shanna Jennings, who were depending on Josie for their dream wedding gowns. A pinch squeezed along her spine, straining against her shoulders.

The waitress collected the menus and disappeared.

Adriana launched back into the conversation. “You know what you need, Theo? You need to have more fun.”

Theo squeezed a lemon into his ice glass as if watering down his sour tone. “I have enough fun already.”

“Ryan and I are meeting several couples at The Shouting Fiddle later for trivia night.” Adriana ignored her brother’s comment. “You should join us. And you too, Josie.”

Josie envied Adriana’s consideration—they’d only just met. The woman most likely gathered new friends around her like a master gardener filled a greenhouse with special early blooms. And here Josie rarely ventured much beyond her wallflower position.

Josie needed to concentrate on her work. Although, Adriana’s offer tempted. But that was Josie’s former self that still yearned to fit in. To sit at the lunchroom table surrounded by the other girls and not because the teacher had forced the kids to be polite and let Josie sit with them. Josie had only wanted to be part of their inside jokes and weekend stories. To be included.

Adriana wanted to include her now. Yet all Josie heard was the keen bite of her foster sister’s snub: Josie, you wouldn’t want to go to the party, anyway—you don’t even know anyone. What would you do? Stand against the wall all night? You’ll have more fun doodling in your sketch pad.

Josie had graduated from doodles to proper drawings. Now she only wanted her gowns to belong in the design world. Winning over Adriana and Theo was the first step.

Josie stretched her neck, kneading the too-tight muscles and the sting of the past that still pained. “Thank you, but I have appointments this evening.”

“That’s a rather long workday,” Adriana said.

“I like to be available for my working clients,” Josie said. “Their budgets are often tight, even for the brides that have chosen to upscale a vintage gown. I hate to be the reason they have to miss work when every dollar matters.”

Josie helped women like Shanna Jennings—survivors that had earned a second chance and deserved the opportunity to live their dreams. One of her clients often reminded Josie that dreams came true on their own schedule. But to make her clients’ dreams happen, Josie often altered her schedule to accommodate them.

Adriana glanced at Theo. “I’m letting Josie off the hook tonight, but not you.”

“Can I take a rain check?” Theo leaned toward Josie, as if pleased he wasn’t the only one refusing the offer of fun.

“I’ve given you enough rain checks to fill your social calendar every night for over a month, Theo.” Adriana eyed her brother, her voice pensive. “It’s not good to spend so much time alone.”

“Alone has its advantages,” Josie said. She’d grown up alone. She’d earned expert status on how to be alone by the second grade.

“See. I’m not alone.” Satisfaction edged into Theo’s voice. He tipped his water glass toward Josie and grinned. “Josie agrees with me.”

“Perhaps,” Adriana allowed. “But spending time with friends offers its own rewards.”

Growing up, Josie had put herself out there for friends. Many times. The results—those had always been the same. This table is taken. Our study group is full. There’s no room in the car, maybe you can come next time. Eventually, Josie had sought refuge among the books in the library and counted the days until she’d step out of the foster system and into her own life.

But this wasn’t the moment to let old wishes interfere. The only old that signified: antique sequined lace. Besides, alone was what Josie knew best. Time to focus on the bride. “How did you and Ryan meet?”

“Through friends of friends.” Adriana smoothed her napkin across her lap. “Although it was slightly more complicated. There were missed opportunities to meet. Schedule conflicts. Blind dates, but not with each other. Until finally, everything aligned at a hotel bar in Chicago, oddly enough. He was there for a conference. I was there for a buyers’ symposium.”

There was nothing complicated about how Josie had met Theo. He’d walked into her store, judged her unworthy, then tried to dismiss her. Josie had refused to be dismissed. She shifted her gaze toward Theo as the server delivered their meals. Was Theo regretting that decision now?

“Then they fell in love, got engaged and here we are now.” Theo waved his fork as if pushing aside the details. “Ready to discuss my sister’s potential wedding gown.”

Potential. Josie had to work harder. Impress Theo and earn Adriana’s trust. First, she needed the details. Those would surely spark her own inspiration. She’d always had a weakness for a good love story. “How would you describe the love between you and Ryan?”

“Don’t you want to know her favorite color instead?” Theo asked. “Or if she has allergies to certain fabrics? Or what dress length she prefers?”

Josie frowned at him.

Theo sighed and bit into his sandwich. He gestured with his sandwich, as if giving Josie permission to continue the questioning her way.

Had Josie really wanted to hold his hand earlier?

“It’s the kind of love that fills you with starlight and sunbeams. The kind of love that makes you smile even when you’re exhausted and at your lowest.” Adriana glanced at her engagement ring as if the secret was encased in her round-cut diamond.

Josie had felt that kind of love in every all-inclusive hug from Mimi.

“Have you ever experienced this kind of love?” The sigh in Adriana’s voice was the kind that wobbled around good tears…happy tears.

Theo set his unfinished sandwich on his plate and shifted toward Josie as if suddenly invested in the conversation.

“I haven’t, but my clients have.” Josie shook her head and pushed the spinach leaves around her plate. She’d imagined she had that sort of love when she’d recited her marriage vows. But it had never been real. Only a deceptive wish of her broken heart.

“But you want to find love like that one day, don’t you?” Adriana asked.

“I share the experience with my brides.” Josie speared a piece of chicken on her fork. A deep numbness had seized her chest during her divorce. Only then had she realized the truth: love required a part of herself that her childhood had damaged. She’d lost a piece of herself in each of the seven transitions to new foster homes. Her two failed adoptions had smashed her childish hope for parents to call Mom and Dad. Finally, Mimi’s sudden passing had splintered the last of Josie’s heart into unrecognizable pieces. Josie forced herself to smile and added an upbeat note to her voice. “Besides, my work fulfills me. I’m much too busy to even look for love.”

“Once again, Ms. Beck and I agree.” Theo toasted Josie once more.

“Well, I highly recommend falling in love.” Adriana touched her ring and everything about the woman turned blissful, from her green eyes to her soft smile to her relaxed posture. “It’s much better than being alone.”

“I’ll take your word on that.” Josie would let Adriana have love with all its starbursts and sun rays. After all, what did a damaged heart like Josie’s know about a love like that? Josie claimed her knife. “You’re going to be a gorgeous, unforgettable bride.”

“Only if Adriana has an actual wedding dress.” Theo tossed his napkin on his empty plate. A deep frown settled on his face, his focus transitioning from the table to the entrance. “But it appears work has followed us here.”

Adriana turned around and waved at a trio of men. “Barry, Nolan and Timmy recorded their initial footage of me this morning at the offices, then they filmed me at the store. Now it’s your turn, Theo.”

Theo’s frown etched into an even deeper scowl. He stopped the waitress, asked for their bill and stuck cash into the portfolio.

Josie tracked the men. The tallest and leanest held a video camera and an endearing smile. The youngest adjusted a slouchy maroon beanie on his head and worked not to bump his equipment against the other café guests. “Why are you being filmed?”

“It’s a possible business venture. Nothing to concern yourself with.” Theo tucked his wallet in his back pocket and stood. “You’re going to be too busy making the perfect exclusive gown for Adriana. One suitable for a Taylor bride.”

Josie looked at Adriana. The woman’s bright smile only increased Josie’s confusion. Theo had labeled her designs nice and now expected Josie to create an original gown. Josie scrambled to collect her purse and rushed after Theo. He’d already motioned to the men, directing the group back toward the street, his long strides taking him farther away from Josie. Outside, on the sidewalk, she said, “Just to clarify. I’m making Adriana’s wedding dress.” You are choosing nice. You are choosing me.

“I’d like two prototypes by this Sunday.” His unwavering gaze landed on Josie, pinning her in place. He added, “Is that feasible?”

“Yes.” Sunday was four days away. Sunday was her one day to catch up on her projects. Sunday just became another opportunity to prove herself. To be more than nice. “Should I schedule the follow-up appointment with your admin?”

Adriana breezed onto the sidewalk, organizing her shopping bags. She squeezed Josie’s arm with her free hand. “We’ll come to you for a private fitting. That will be fun.” With that, Adriana slipped away to talk to the small film crew.

Josie’s gaze collided with Theo’s and held. Questions bounced against her teeth. Why are you playing me? You don’t even like me. “I look forward to Sunday.”

Theo nodded, then turned, gathering his sister and the three men like a coach calling together his best players. Josie stood outside the café…alone. Inside, her uncertainty and determination battled for control.

She had only four days and her entire afternoon was already booked. Five appointments for winter formal-gown alterations and one to measure for a business suit. She needed to find more time. And standing in place solved nothing.

Josie headed in the opposite direction of the Taylors and the film crew, working her way through the tourists and local lunch crowd. Ahead of her, a children’s store claimed an entire street corner, inviting shoppers of all ages to drop in and look around.

Sequined hats, fancy satin bows and holiday velvet dresses adorned the child mannequins in the store’s window, tempting every little girl to step inside and become their own fairy princess.

Mimi had taken a ten-year-old Josie to similar stores—not to purchase the pretty gowns, but to imagine. To encourage a younger Josie to dream about a different life. Not the one she’d lived—always a short-term visitor in different foster families’ worlds.

She wanted her boutique to be more than a short-term proposition. More than a temporary job. Yet the only permanence she truly understood was constant change.

Josie checked the time on her phone and focused on the present. Alterations and clients waited. This was her life—the one she lived on her own terms. As for the dreaming, she’d leave that for the children. She no longer found it useful.

Turning her back on the children’s clothing store, Josie upped her pace. If she hurried, she’d have a few minutes before her first client arrived. Back at her boutique, Josie opened her design book on the checkout counter, picked up her pencil and summoned her confidence.

She had to create a runway dress so spectacular Theo couldn’t turn his beautifully refined nose up at it. That meant she had to create magic now. Mimi had always believed in magic. The dear woman had hand-stitched fairy gardens into plain, dull fabric and decorated her house with her enchanting creations. Josie had to believe, like Mimi. With the very same soul-deep conviction.

Don’t limit yourself. Think beyond the pattern, Josie. Then you’ll create magic.

Theo most likely disapproved of anyone who believed in magic. What about love? He’d agreed with Josie that work fulfilled him and occupied his time. But he’d never commented on Adriana’s description of love. Did he believe in that sort of love? For reasons she refused to explore, she wanted him to believe. But that wasn’t her concern.

She tapped her pencil against the page as if that would release the magic in her foster mother’s wand. Nothing happened. She’d been generating replications of her clients’ wishes for the past year. Had she misplaced her own perspective? Maybe her creativity had simply expired like a city parking meter. Or like her chance at a real family. That had ended after Mimi’s unexpected illness. Mimi had been the one who’d believed in her. Mimi had encouraged Josie.

Sadness tangled with that familiar knot of misery inside her. Josie dropped her pencil and rubbed her hands over her face.

Scenes of Theo and his sister sharing a look merged with ones of the laughing children in front of the children’s store. She booted up her computer and typed Taylor family in the search bar, then clicked on the images. In every picture, the Taylors were connected: arms around each other, Adriana’s head resting on Theo’s shoulder, arms linked at the elbows. What did a foster kid like Josie know about close-knit families like the Taylors?

The flip side of every project isn’t ever as pretty as the front. Remember, what people show the world isn’t always the full truth. Mimi’s best advice about life had always been shared while they’d sat in rocking chairs on the back porch. Fresh lemonade in tall glasses on the wicker table and the sewing basket perched between them.

Still, every image of the Taylor family appeared more flawless than the last. The bylines included appearances at charity balls, Coast to Coast Living-sponsored events and fund-raising causes. Nothing scandalous. Nothing that suggested the flip side wasn’t as perfect as the front. Theo would expect perfection from the first stitch to the last.

Josie’s confidence unraveled, spooling near her feet. What did she really know about exclusive, A-list designs? She knew how to upscale. How was that ever going to be enough? Could she ever be enough for Theo?

She was more comfortable in secondhand stores than runway shows. Theo dressed like a fashion model clipped from an ad for the smartest business wear. He probably never doubted his choice of attire or his decisions.

The bells on the boutique entrance jangled. Josie closed the case on her laptop, greeted her client and welcomed the reprieve. Surely later she’d find the magic.

As for being enough for Theo Taylor—that wasn’t her goal. And nothing more than a stress-induced musing. Besides, recycled shirts and skirts, no matter how trendy, didn’t belong beside custom-tailored suits and men like Theo.

Four hours later, Josie rose from her knees and rubbed the knot from her back. She eyed the burgundy ball gown on the dress form, unable to rub away her reluctance to finish her client’s requested modifications. The blinding number of crystals and rhinestones Josie tacked onto the gown’s waist glimmered as if mocking Josie for bending to her client’s over-the-top vision. For keeping silent. Her design book, opened to a blank page, waited on the couch, taunting Josie to create. To release her own voice on the page.

She’d been criticized for her shyness as a child. Skipped over at adoption fairs and overlooked by her peers. Now she must put herself out there again.

Face more judgment.

And the stakes—they were nerve-wrenchingly high this time.

Her past was supposed to have prepared her, not defined her. Those were the parting words of her last caseworker. As if all her experiences had somehow strengthened her. Why, then, did she feel so weak? Her fingers shook. Panic pressed against her chest, dislodging her breath.

The bells chimed at the shop’s entrance. Mia’s greeting contained the opening lines of “A Holly Jolly Christmas.”

Failure wouldn’t be only hers this time. This time if Josie fell short, the descent would take down her friend, too.

Josie fixed her focus on the dress form, flexed her back and willed away her panic. She hadn’t broken down at the adoption fairs. She wouldn’t melt down now, especially not in front of Mia. Her past had taught her the importance of keeping things to herself. If your mother had wanted to dry your tears, she would’ve kept you. Trust me, no one here wants any more tears. Josie’s foster brother had imparted that wisdom the first night in her third foster home. Josie had dried her tears then and imprinted that lesson deep inside herself.

As for her silent muse, Josie always preferred to rely on herself, anyway.

She stopped to watch her friend in the floor-length mirror. Mia finished her Christmas song, added a spin and curtsy, then dropped her camera equipment near the couch. She stepped beside Josie, her hands on her hips. “You really couldn’t talk your customer into something different.”

Josie shook her head. But she’d have to convince Theo and Adriana that they wanted her designs. She’d have to speak up. She’d have to speak out. The wallflower would have to step into the spotlight and defend her right to be there. Josie widened her stance, bolstering her balance.

“That many jewels looks like country gone rogue.” Mia’s festive mood had evaporated. She picked up Josie’s design book and sat on the couch. “It was a striking dress. Now it’s edged into gaudy.”

“My customer wanted more.” Despite Josie’s suggestions for a jeweled headband and coordinating bracelet. Despite Josie’s assurance the dress already sparkled enough. Josie had finally conceded to her headstrong client. She threaded her needle and stepped toward the dress form. Sunday she’d channel all her resolve into Adriana’s dress. No concessions. “I agreed to give her more.”