The Pregnancy Plan / Hope's Child

He met her gaze across the table and felt the zing of sparks that weren’t entirely attributable to her obvious annoyance with him.

“And some things,” he countered, “never do.”

Ashley ate her chocolate fudge brownie sundae so fast she was surprised she didn’t get brain freeze. But from the moment she’d looked up and spotted Cam in line at the counter, she’d wanted only to get out of Walton’s as quickly as possible. Thankfully her sister had sensed her discomfort and quickly finished her ice cream as well.

It was only after they’d said goodbye to Cam and Maddie and were on their way out the door that Ashley thought to ask again about the reasons for her sister’s unexpected midweek visit.

Megan dumped her empty dish and spoon in the garbage. “It really wasn’t that important.”

“Important enough to bring you to the school to talk to me.”

Her sister sighed. “Because I wanted to tell you first, but you’ve had a lot sprung on you already today.”

And Ashley knew her sister’s news and why she was suddenly reluctant to share it.

“You’re pregnant,” she guessed.

Meg nodded.

Ashley sucked in a breath.

Her sister was going to have a baby.

She felt a tug deep inside her heart. A combination of excitement and envy. She wanted to be happy for Megan. She was happy for her. And yet she couldn’t help but look at the life her sister was building with her new husband and wonder why all of the stars had aligned so perfectly for Megan and, seemingly at the same time, scattered everything in her own world.

A little more than six months earlier, she and Paige had struggled to convince Megan that she had nothing to lose by inviting Gage Richmond to be her date for Ashley’s engagement party. Megan had finally agreed, only because she’d been sure that Gage wouldn’t accept. But he had and, even on that first date, Ashley had seen the chemistry between them. Even more significantly, she’d recognized that there was a connection between them that she didn’t feel with the man she was planning to marry.

But she didn’t let that dissuade her from her plans, because she believed that there were more important things than connections. There were shared interests and common goals. Or maybe she’d deluded herself into thinking she and Trevor had shared interests and common goals because she so desperately wanted to get married and have a family of her own.

She wasn’t so desperate, however, that she was willing to overlook the fact that he’d been sleeping around on her almost from the time he’d put the ring on her finger. She’d been crushed to learn of his betrayal. And maybe, just a little, secretly relieved.

Because the closer the date had come for their wedding, the more she had started to realize that she was making a mistake. That she didn’t love Trevor as much as she should love the man she intended to marry. That she didn’t love him specifically as much as she loved the prospect of being a wife and mother.

Now Megan and Gage were married and getting ready to have a baby.

The tug came again. Stronger this time, but she pushed it aside. “Oh, Meg. That’s wonderful news.”

Her sister looked uncertain. “Are you really okay with this?”

“I’m thrilled for you,” Ashley told her, willing it to be true. “I was just caught off guard by your announcement. I didn’t even realize you and Gage were trying to have a baby.”

“Well, we weren’t actually trying, we just weren’t trying to prevent it.” She blushed prettily. “In fact, I think Gage is a little disappointed it happened as quickly as it did.”

“Obviously you guys are doing something right,” Ashley said.

Her sister’s blush deepened. “Everything is right with Gage. I never thought I would feel this way about anyone—or that anyone else would feel the same way about me. But he’s just—” her sigh was filled with blissful contentment “—amazing.”

“So are you,” Ashley told her sister. “Which is why you guys are so perfect for one another.”

“That’s what I want for you,” Megan said. “I know Trevor’s betrayal hit you hard, but you can’t give up hope that you’ll find someone to spend your life with just because of CBB.”

“I haven’t given up hope,” Ashley said, though she wasn’t entirely sure it was true. “I’m just not willing to put the rest of my life on hold while I wait around for Mr. Right to show up, because the reality is, there may not be a Mr. Right for me.”

“There is,” Megan insisted, and smiled slyly. “And I think he might already have shown up. Or maybe I should say shown up again.”

Ashley didn’t bother to respond. Cam Turcotte was part of her past, not her future, and she had no intention of arguing with her sister about that fact.

And no intention of letting herself yearn again for something that could never be.

Though it wasn’t one of their scheduled evenings to get together, Ashley wasn’t surprised when Paige showed up at her door Friday night. Or that she’d brought a bottle of her favorite merlot with her.

Ashley put together a platter of assorted crackers and cheeses and they took it out onto the porch with the wine.

“I don’t know why you’re paying rent on an apartment in Syracuse when you’ve been spending so much time in Pinehurst lately,” Ashley said to her.

“I’m only here on the weekends,” her cousin replied, glossing over the real issue. “Because it’s too far to commute to the office every day.”

“Seriously, Paige, what happened to your social life?”

Her cousin shrugged. “Things fizzled with Josh. Ben met someone else. As for Lucas—well, I realized I wasn’t secure enough to date a guy who’s prettier than me.”

Ashley had met Lucas once, and while she had to admit the man was unbelievably good-looking, she knew that her cousin’s serial dating was really a reflection of the nomadic childhood that had taught her, at an early age, not to form close attachments to people who wouldn’t be in her life for very long. The pattern had changed only when Paige’s father decided she needed more stability than his lifestyle afforded and finally left his daughter in the care of his sister and her husband. Ashley and Megan had forged an unbreakable bond with their cousin, but by habit or deliberation, she continued to keep everyone else at a distance.

“Is that why you’re here?” Ashley asked her now. “Because you had nothing better to do on a Friday night? Or because you were worried that I was going to fall apart?”

“You’re not the falling apart type,” Paige said, with such conviction Ashley almost believed her.

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“Seriously, you’ve dealt with a lot in the past six months and stood up through it all.”

“I had a minor meltdown on Wednesday,” she admitted, reaching for her glass. Thankfully the Fedentropin trial didn’t prohibit the consumption of alcohol, and the wine she’d drank was already helping smooth the roughest of the edges.

“When you found out Cam had a child? Or when you learned that your sister’s pregnant?”

“It was probably a combination of both.”

Paige nodded and set a slice of blue cheese on a rye cracker.

“I’m happy for Megan and Gage,” she said. “And I’m thrilled about the baby.”

“I know you are,” Paige agreed.

“I just want to know when it’s going to happen for me. When is it going to be my turn?”

“What happened to your appointment at the clinic?”

“I got bumped,” she grumbled. “The doctor had some kind of emergency.”

Her cousin smiled. “I think that’s the nature of the medical field.”

“I know. It just seems like one more detour sign on a road that’s been littered with them.”

“What kind of sign is Cam?”

Ashley sipped from her glass again. “Dead end.”

“Are you sure about that?” Paige asked. “Because if I’m not mistaken, that’s him walking up your driveway.”

Ashley set down her glass before she spilled the contents all over herself. “Don’t you dare leave—”

But Paige was already on her feet, reaching for the tray of snacks. “I’ll just go refresh this.” She turned and smiled at the uninvited guest who had stepped up onto the porch. “Hello, Cam,” she said, then slipped into the house before he could even respond.

Cam glanced at the closed door, then at Ashley. “Did I say something wrong?”

She didn’t smile at his attempted humor. “Not yet.”

He held up his hands in a gesture of surrender. “I just came over to apologize.”

“What, exactly, are you apologizing for?”

“For not telling you that I had a child.”

She lifted a shoulder. “You don’t owe me any apologies, Cam.”

“I didn’t mean to blindside you.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does,” he insisted. “Maybe I figured you would have heard about Maddie a long time ago, but I shouldn’t have counted on that, and I should have given you the courtesy of an explanation.”

“No explanation required. You dumped me, met someone else, got married, had a child.”

“It wasn’t quite that simple.”

“I’d say it was exactly that simple.”

“I’m not going to apologize for not wanting what you did when I was nineteen,” Cam said. “Because any nineteen-year-old who wants to marry his high school sweetheart is either blinded by lust or completely without ambition. I’d apologize for hurting you because I was insensitive jerk, but I’ve already done that and I’m tired of trekking down the same path.”

“Then you can just follow the path right back to your own house,” she said coldly.

He shook his head. “That would be the easy way, and I’m not taking the easy way again.”

“It’s a way out,” she said. “And that’s all you ever wanted.”

“Wrong. I wanted you, Ashley. I wanted you a hell of a lot more than I should have at that age, and it terrified me.”

“Obviously you got over it.”

“You’d think so, wouldn’t you? But that’s the real bitch of it—because I never did.”

“You married another woman. Had a child with another woman.” Her voice hitched, and she hated him for it. Hated him for the pain she felt every time she thought about the baby he’d given to someone else.

Cam lowered himself into the chair that Paige had vacated. “I married Danica because I thought we wanted the same things. By the time I realized I was wrong, it was too late. We were married, she was pregnant, and even knowing our marriage was a mistake, I wouldn’t wish it away for anything in the world because I got Maddie out of it.”

Ashley looked away. “It’s ironic, isn’t it? All I ever wanted was to get married and have a family, and you ran as far and as fast as you could from me because you weren’t ready to make that kind of commitment.”

“Twelve years ago, I wasn’t ready,” he agreed, then smiled wryly. “There are still days that I’m not ready, but Madeline doesn’t really give me a choice in the matter.”

Ashley didn’t smile back, but she did ask, “So how did you end up with custody?”

Cam realized he should have been prepared for the question; Ashley certainly wasn’t the first person to ask it. Because although the courts no longer awarded custody to mothers as a matter of course and shared custody arrangements were increasingly popular, it was still somewhat unusual for a father to be granted primary care of a child.

He’d always felt awkward explaining the situation, and he’d resented having to make excuses for what he’d believed for so long was simply his ex-wife’s disinterest. He knew differently now, but he still didn’t know how to make anyone else understand without sharing secrets that weren’t his to share.

“Staying with me offered Madeline more stability,” he finally responded to Ashley’s question. “Especially since Danica was already planning to move to London.”

Ashley frowned as she sipped her wine. “And she was okay with that arrangement? She just moved to another continent and left her child behind?”

“We agreed it was best for Maddie.”

“Does Maddie see her very often?”

“Not as often, or as consistently, as I’d like,” he admitted. “But she did spend the last month of her summer vacation in London with her.”

“So why didn’t you mention your daughter to me the night you came over here?”

“You mean the night I kissed you?”

“I mean the night you brought pizza,” she clarified, as if the kiss was irrelevant.

But he could tell by the color that infused her cheeks that it wasn’t irrelevant at all, and that she remembered that kiss as clearly as he did. And as much as he wanted to kiss her again, to prove that the attraction between them was still very relevant, his real purpose in coming here tonight had been to clear the air, not to cloud it further.

“I should have,” he finally admitted. “But I don’t talk about Maddie very much when she’s gone. Not to anyone.”

“Why not?”

“Because talking about her makes me miss her even more.”

She seemed startled by his response, but then she nodded. “I guess I can understand that.”

“She’s the center of my world, the reason for everything I do.”

“She’s a lucky girl.” Ashley’s voice had softened, taken on an almost wistful quality. “To have a father so committed to her best interests.”

“Does that mean you forgive me?” he dared to ask.

“It means I like your daughter—she’s a great kid.”

“Her dad’s a pretty good guy, too.”

“I’m reserving judgment on that,” she said, but the smile that curved her lips gave him hope.

Chapter Six

Over the next few weeks, Ashley crossed paths with Cam on a fairly regular basis. He came to school every Wednesday to pick up Maddie and when he did, he usually dropped in to the classroom to chat with Ashley and check on his daughter’s progress. The awkwardness between them was fading and Ashley began to think that one day they might even be friends again.

And if Cam sometimes flirted with her, or dropped little hints that he wanted more from her than friendship, she didn’t take him too seriously. She didn’t dare.

She still thought about the kiss they’d shared in her kitchen, and she still got all hot and tingly when she did, but she had clearly established the boundaries for their relationship and she was determined to uphold them. But she was glad that her appointment at the clinic had been rescheduled. Even if it was still a few weeks away, it gave her something to look forward to and focus on. Maybe when she was finally expecting a baby of her own she would stop wishing she could be the mother Maddie needed so badly and the wife that shared Cam’s bed every night.

Because as often as she reminded herself that there could be no future for her with Cam, she nevertheless found herself daydreaming about the possibility. And as much as she’d always dreamed of having a child of her own, she knew that loving Cameron’s little girl would fill the aching void in her heart.

But Maddie had a mother, and Ashley knew that letting her imagination create happily-ever-after scenarios would only end up causing more heartache for herself in the end. She knew it, and yet, when Cam came out of his house as she was walking past on her way home from the neighborhood market Saturday morning, she couldn’t deny that her heart started to pound just a little bit faster.

“What perfect timing,” he said by way of greeting.

“For?” she prompted cautiously.

“Apparently you mentioned to your class that you like to hike at Eagle Point Park,” he said. “So Maddie suggested, as we’re heading up there for a picnic today, that we should ask you to go with us.”

“It was sweet of her to think of me, but I’m not sure that would be a good idea,” she said, far more tempted than she ought to be by the prospect of an outing with Cam and his daughter.

“Why not?”

“I just don’t think we should spend too much time together.”

“Why not?” he asked again.

“Because,” she said, unwilling to admit that wanting to say yes was proof enough to her that it was a bad idea. Because giving in to what she wanted where Cameron Turcotte was concerned had always gotten her into trouble.

“That’s hardly a reasonable response,” he chided.

“I’m sure it’s one you use all the time with your daughter when it suits your purposes.”

“Actually, I never say no to Madeline unless I can give her a reason for it.”

“While I’m sure that chalks up extra parenting points for you, it doesn’t change my answer,” she said firmly.

But Cam wasn’t dissuaded. “Come on, Ash,” he said. “It’s not as if we can get into too much trouble in the hills with a six-and-a-half-year-old chaperone.”

“I’m not worried,” she lied.

“No?”

It was more a challenge than a question, as if he was all too aware of the tug-of-war that was going on in her mind—the struggle between what she wanted and what she knew was smart.

“No,” she insisted.

“Then why won’t you come with us?” he challenged.

“Maybe I have other plans for the day,” she hedged, mentally searching for some excuse, any excuse, that sounded less desperate than making a list of 1001 reasons that getting involved with Cameron Turcotte again is a very bad idea—even if that was exactly how she planned to spend her afternoon in order to ensure that she was clear on all of those reasons.

“Do you?”

“As a matter of fact, I was going to—”

She wasn’t sure what she intended to say, because just then the front door flew open and Maddie came racing across the lawn.

“We’re going to Eagle Point Park,” she announced. “And I made samiches and Daddy packed juice and we’re going to have a picnic. Are you going to come with us? Please, Miss Ashley. It’s going to be so much fun, but it will be even more fun if you come, too.”

And that quickly, all of Ashley’s resolutions about putting distance between herself and Cam and his little girl dissolved in the radiance of Maddie’s smile.

“I think a picnic sounds wonderful,” she said.

Cam never used to be the picnicking type, but there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his little girl. So when Madeline suggested packing a lunch and taking it up to the park, it seemed like a relatively harmless request. It wasn’t until they were putting together the sandwiches that his daughter mentioned Ashley, and he realized that he’d been set up.

Not that he minded, really. After all, spending time with Ashley Roarke was anything but a hardship. But he did worry that his daughter seemed to have become so attached to her teacher, and so quickly.

Part of it, he knew, was her desperate craving of female attention—something that he was simply incapable of giving her. Another part was Ashley’s natural warmth and compassion, traits that made her such a great teacher and an easy target for his daughter’s affections.

As they walked along one of the simpler trails, Ashley taught Maddie how to identify different kinds of trees by their leaves. She also pointed out various birds and the tracks of squirrels and raccoons and something that was—no, not a bear—probably just a big dog.

It was comfortable and easy, and Cam found himself wishing that they could spend every lazy Saturday afternoon together like this. Just him and his daughter and the woman he … liked?

The automatic mental pause nearly made Cam smile.

Of course, he liked Ashley. They’d been friends for a long time before they’d ever become lovers. They’d had a lot of similar interests, enjoyed the same books, music and movies. They liked the same kind of pizza, would both rather play baseball than watch it on TV, and appreciated walks in the rain.

In fact, Ashley had once been such an integral part of his life that, when he’d ended their relationship before going away to school, he’d lost not just his girlfriend but his best friend. It had been his decision to cut all ties between them, finally and completely, at least until he was finished college, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

He hadn’t seen her again before their high school reunion in the spring, hadn’t realized until then how much of a hole had been left in his life when he’d cut her out of it. But the worst part of seeing her again was realizing how much she still mattered to him, and learning that she was in love with and engaged to someone else.

He’d recognized that his feelings were more than a little hypocritical, considering that he’d already been married and divorced, but he just couldn’t imagine her with anyone else. He didn’t want to imagine her with anyone else.

Deciding to move back to Pinehurst when he knew she was planning a wedding to another man had been difficult. But in the end, he’d known it was what was best for his daughter. With Danica now living in London, there was no reason he had to stay in Seattle, and every reason to move closer to his family so that Madeline’s grandparents could be part of her life.

“Hurry up, Daddy.” Maddie’s voice called back to him, prompting his feet into motion.

“Sorry,” he apologized, when he caught up to them.

“What were you doing back there?” Ashley asked.

He shrugged the pack off of his shoulders, opened the zipper and pulled out the blanket they’d brought to spread out on the ground. “I thought I saw a … an owl.”

“An owl?” She lifted her brow.

“Owls are … noc-tur-nal,” Maddie said, carefully enunciating the word and looking to her teacher for confirmation. Ashley nodded.

“That means they sleep during the day and come out at night,” his daughter informed him.

He shrugged. “Maybe it wasn’t an owl.”

“Owls eat mice and frogs and birds.” She made a face after reciting that fact, as if the idea was as distasteful as eating peas or Brussels sprouts—her least favorite vegetables.

“Speaking of food,” Cam said, beginning to unpack their lunch.

“I hope you didn’t bring mice and frogs and birds,” Ashley said.

Maddie giggled. “No, we made samiches.” She took a plate and balanced it on her lap. “What kind of samich do you want, Miss Ashley?”

“What are my choices?”

“Peanut butter, peanut butter and jam, or peanut butter and banana.”

Ashley mulled over the options, finally deciding, “Peanut butter and banana.”

Cam watched as Maddie carefully selected three pinwheel sandwiches from the plastic container and arranged them in a semicircle on the plate. Then she added two cookies—peanut butter, of course—and a small cluster of green grapes.

“That looks absolutely delicious,” Ashley said, accepting the plate.

Maddie beamed in appreciation of her praise, and Cam felt his heart swell. Until he’d started spending time with Maddie and Ashley together, he hadn’t realized how much his daughter needed a woman’s attention. She missed out on so much not having a mother involved in her life, and though his mother tried to spend as much time as possible with her granddaughter, it wasn’t the same thing.

Gayle had mentioned—several times in recent years—that he should think about getting married again, that he needed a wife as much as Maddie needed a mother. But even if he’d agreed with her assessment—and he was definitely on the fence about the wife part—none of the women he’d dated had tempted him to think any longer term than the next date. There certainly hadn’t been anyone whom he’d wanted to wake up beside every morning for the rest of his life, and there hadn’t been anyone who’d ever made his daughter smile as she was smiling at Ashley now.

Not that he was thinking in terms of marriage with Ashley. Definitely not.

And yet, he knew that if there was a woman who could tempt his thoughts in that direction, it was Maddie’s first-grade teacher. Yes, Ashley tempted him. But he knew it was going to take some time to figure out if he could still tempt her.

Tearing his thoughts back to the picnic, he noticed that Maddie had taken a second plate and was loading it up with all of her favorites.

“What about my lunch?” Cam asked, indicating the last empty plate.