Her Only Chance

Held that way, Kell could only submit with a grin. When Donna finally released him, he stepped back, glanced again at Jamie, who hadn’t moved except to tightly cross her arms and legs. All Kell wanted to do was sit down and memorize very nuance of her. He wanted, needed, to feel the heat from her body, smell the scent of her skin, hear her laugh, listen to her talk. But he couldn’t. He turned to Melanie. “Donna, Jamie, I’d like you to meet Melanie Camden. Melanie, I’ve known Donna and Jamie since I was a kid back in New Orleans.”

“That he has,” Mrs. Winslow chirped, her bright-eyed gaze and forced smile betraying her underlying nervousness. “Isn’t Melanie just the prettiest thing, girls?”

“Lovely,” Donna confirmed, arching a worried look at Jamie.

Fighting a grin, Kell silently applauded Jamie’s mother’s attempt at diplomacy. No doubt, she expected the same fireworks from her daughter that he and, obviously, Donna did. “Why, before I recognized Kellan, I couldn’t help thinking, ‘What a lovely couple.’ And well, I guess they still are. Don’t you think so, Jamie? Honey?”

Along with everyone else, Kell looked expectantly at Jamie. Finally, she got up and came around the table. “Yes, Mother, they’re very lovely.” Then, offering her hand to Melanie…as if a firing squad forced her to do so…she said, “Hi. I’m Jamie Winslow.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Jamie. It’s good to meet all of you.” Melanie retrieved her hand and brushed it through her sleek brunette hair. “Kell always speaks of New Orleans and his family and friends there. And looking at y’all, I can see it’s no wonder. All that rich mahogony hair and those blue yes. How striking. Louisiana must be missing three of its sharpest beauties.”

In Kell’s opinion, this just could not get any better. The three women, like everyone else from three to ninety who met Melanie Camden, softened and sighed, succumbing to her Atlanta-debutante charm that even out-Southerned theirs. You couldn’t hate the doe-eyed Melanie if you tried. Kell knew that Jeff, her husband and a Tom Cruise look-alike, counted him as the only man he could trust with his wife—but only in broad daylight and in a crowded airport. She was that breathtaking—and that upsetting to Jamie. Kell didn’t know if he felt good or bad about that.

“Are y’all just getting in? Or are you leaving?” Melanie asked, apparently feeling a need to fill the gap in the polite conversation that none of them were making.

Jamie, Kell noticed, studiously avoided looking at him as she answered. “My mother and sister were here for my graduation. They’re leaving today.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. Why, I bet you hate to see them go,” Melanie sympathized. “But how nice for you…your graduation, I mean. What a happy time in any family. May I ask what degree you obtained?”

“She got her doctorate in clinical psychology,” Mrs. Winslow chimed in, as if anxious for an opportunity to praise her daughter. “We’re so proud of her. She’s a doctor now.”

Kell, tired of being ignored, reached out and took her hand in his, holding it tightly…even as that familiar fire traveled up his arm. “Congratulations, Dr. Winslow.” He looked her right in the eyes. “I know how much getting your degree means to you. In fact, I recall it was more important to you to get a degree in mental health than it was to practice it yourself.”

He’d left her no choice. Jamie bristled. That was what he wanted from her…an honest response. “I don’t practice mental health? How about you? Jumped out of any perfectly fine airplanes lately? While they’re in the air, I mean.”

In light of last week’s secret and disastrous events, Kell bristled right back. “As a matter of fact, I have. Just recently I jumped out of an airplane that was only barely adequate.”

“Oh, really, Captain Marvel? No parachute, either, I suppose?” She jerked her hand, trying to get it out of his grip. But Kellan wouldn’t let go, he couldn’t let go. Jamie’s face reddened. He knew that sign—her Irish was up. And he knew what would follow. An escalation in the cold war.

“You’re so full of yourself, Kellan Chance, you probably just floated to the ground on your own ego.”

“All right now, you two, that’s enough.” The sharp intervening warning came from Jamie’s mother. “Don’t you start up in front of Melanie here. Behave.” Then she turned to Melanie. “Think nothing of them, honey. They’ve known each other practically since the cradle and just fuss all the time.”

To Kell, Melanie looked shell-shocked. Jamie finally managed to pull her hand from Kell’s and touched Melanie’s arm. “I apologize, Melanie, for my rudeness. But if you’ll excuse us, I have to get Mother and Donna to their terminal. Their plane leaves in—”

“An hour. We have plenty of time…Dr. Winslow,” Donna said, cutting Jamie off and emphasizing doctor…as if reminding her to act her profession, if not her age.

Kell’s anger left him. He’d provoked Jamie and this scene. It was up to him to end it. He gripped Melanie’s elbow. “It was nice to see all of you. But I’m sure Melanie’s luggage is downstairs at baggage claim by now. If you’ll excuse us.”

Everyone—except Jamie, Kell noticed—called out goodbyes and nice-to-have-met-yous. As he walked away with Melanie, Kell thought he could still feel Jamie’s hand in his, as well as her gaze burning into his back. He wanted nothing more than to turn around, stalk back to her, grab her by the arms and kiss the hell out of her…for starters.

After a few more steps, Melanie broke the silence between them. “That’s her, isn’t it? She’s your lost love—the one whose name you’d never tell me.”

Suddenly defensive, Kell shrugged. “She might be.”

Melanie tsked. “Might be, nothing. She is, and you know it. I swear, Kellan Chance, if you don’t tell that woman you still love her, you are just going to pop.”

Kell’s jaw tightened. “Then I guess I’ll have to pop.”

“Oh, you men. You are so stubborn.”

Kell glanced down at Melanie’s beauty-queen face. Guilt shot through him. Her worry over her wounded husband, the exhaustion on her face, her long flight…all of that was his fault. He’d caused it, as much as did the hazards of belonging to Special Ops—or being married to it. Kell suffered the fleeting yet troubling realization that this woman’s life, lived essentially without her husband at home but always worrying about him, would have been Jamie’s, if the two of them had made it work that last time. This is what he would have been subjecting her to. How selfish was that? Kell blinked away his unsettling epiphany by grinning down at Melanie. “What about you women? You go around breaking our hearts all the time.”

Melanie demurred with a classic uptilted look at him through her long eyelashes. “Only as necessary. And always for a good reason.”

Kell laughed. Even more than Melanie’s beauty, he appreciated her for her warmth and wit…two of the same qualities he’d always admired in Jamie. “I’m in over my head with you, aren’t I?”

“I expect so.”

“You do know that Jamie thought you and I are together, don’t you?”

“Well, we are together. But I know in what sense you mean.”

“And you were content to let her think it, weren’t you?”

Melanie raised her chin, à la Scarlet O’Hara. “As were you. But from what I just saw in that woman’s eyes when she looked at you, this isn’t the last you’ve seen of her. Now, what do you think of that?”

Kell couldn’t deny the leap his heart took at such an idea. But out loud he quipped, “Frankly, my dear, I think I don’t give a damn.”

THE NEXT DAY, Jamie flopped impatiently around her high-rise apartment, dressed only in shorts and a T-shirt. Nothing felt right. Even the brilliant Florida sunshine, sparkling off the blue water of the bay outside her balcony’s sliding-glass doors, couldn’t cheer her.

That’s what she got for setting up the next two weeks as her downtime before beginning the arduous task of trying to make a glitzy bestseller out of her doctoral thesis. She’d known this time would be all she’d have to herself for a while and had looked forward to the freedom. But now the days seemed ominous, as if each passing second was stretched taut and yet frighteningly short. All because of Kell.

Standing now at the closed glass doors, her arms crossed, Jamie watched a jogger slowly progressing along the same stretch of sidewalk that she and Donna had run. And decided she’d never felt more alone. She tried to tell herself that what she was experiencing was simply the normal letdown following the excitement of graduation. After all, her academic life, for the most part, was now over. That was good, she supposed.

And then there was Mom and Donna. She’d really enjoyed their visit, just the three of them, girlfriending it all around Tampa. There’d been so much to show them. But now they were gone. Back home. A wistful feeling overtook Jamie. She’d hated not being able to tell them about the book deal. It had taken every bit of restraint she possessed to keep it a secret. But a signed deal was a signed deal. She was to tell no one. And she hadn’t.

It was funny. She wanted this book contract mostly because of the good she could do with the money that came with it. And yet she couldn’t tell those it would affect. Jamie hated that her mother, who’d already suffered one heart attack, was still working and paying off a mortgage. Her mother had even managed to help Jamie through college, just as she had Donna. Now it was time to pay her mom back, to give her a carefree life, full of fun and travel, whatever she wanted. It was only fair. And her mother was still a relatively young woman of fifty-eight. She could find someone else to make her happy. Jamie smiled, knowing nothing would make her happier than giving back even a little of what her mother had given her.

So her silence now about the book deal had been bittersweet, even more so as she’d watched her family leave. Their leaving always left a void and yesterday had been no exception. Again, she saw herself standing at the plate-glass window at the airport, watching the big jet take off, already missing them.

She’d been sad…and seeing Kellan had made her feel so much worse. Jamie felt so hollow, so fragile. It had upset her to realize that she’d wanted nothing more, as he walked away with that woman, than to humiliate herself and chase after him, crying out his name, begging him to stop. What a desperate, romantic scene that would have been. Like the foggy airport scene at the end of Casablanca. Of all the homecomings and leave-takings that go on day in and day out at airports all around the world, you had to walk into this one. Or something like that.

Still, she couldn’t get yesterday’s scene out of her mind. There she’d sat, unaware of his nearness, enjoying the moment with her sister. Then, out of the blue, Kell and that gorgeous Melanie Something had walked right up to her and Donna. What were the chances that her mother would run into them in a complex the size of Tampa International Airport? Stupid fate.

Poor Mom. Before she’d gotten onto the airplane, she’d said she was sorry. She simply hadn’t known what to do once she’d realized it was Kell she’d bumped into. She’d been stuck and had to bring him over and she hoped she hadn’t upset Jamie. Jamie recalled now downplaying the moment, telling her mother that was silly, she was over him and had been for a long time.

Yeah, right. I’m over him. Tears threatened in Jamie’s eyes. She blinked and sniffed, telling herself she could not do this. Not for a license. Not for a publisher. She just couldn’t contact Kell now that she knew about Melanie. Another woman. Talk about closure. Jamie knew she should be happy for him. He’d gotten over her, that was easy to see. But it hurt. Turning away from the glass doors, Jamie told herself she needed to shake herself out of this mood before she did something dire…like eat all the ice cream she had stashed in the freezer. She perked up…Hey, ice cream. That sounds good—

The phone rang. Blessedly.

Relieved for her waistline, Jamie ran for the cordless set, flitting around her furniture and hoping it was either Becca or Jan or Carrie—or all three of her friends, women who understood the terrible possibility of death by chocolate. They could all go out to lunch. Or for a ride to the beach. Or shop. No, wait, this was Monday. They’d all be at work. So who could be on the line? She grabbed the phone on the third ring. “Hello?”

“Jamie? It’s Kell.”

Jamie froze, staring at her reflection in the ornately framed beveled mirror over the sofa. The woman staring back at her looked shocked. Because that woman is, Jamie told herself. Her heart was pounding and she felt hot and weak and giddy.

In the earpiece she heard Kell saying, “Jamie? Are you there? Do I have the right number? Is this 2-5-8—”

“Yes. It’s me—” she swallowed, having trouble saying his name “—Kell. I’m just…I’m here. Hi.”

“Hi. You okay?” His voice sounded low and seductive. It frittered on Jamie’s nerve endings.

Despite their public fuss yesterday, she strove for light and cheerful. “Sure. I’m fine. Couldn’t be better. How about you? You okay? How’s Melanie?”

After a second or two, Kell said, “She’s fine. All safe at home after visiting her husband.”

“Her husband?” Jamie was shocked. What he did and who he saw were really none of her business. But considering she had the home field advantage with him—meaning, she’d known him since he was a kid—she could be judgmental. “Kellan Chance, you’re seeing a married woman? What would your mother say?”

“Nothing, because there’s nothing to say. Melanie, just like her husband, Jeff, is a good friend of mine.” Kell chuckled. “Not that I owe you an explanation, but I was just seeing her home after an overseas flight.”

A bit embarrassed, Jamie tried to keep the moment. “Oh, a world traveler, huh? Must be fun.”

“Not this trip.” Kell’s voice was dark. “Jeff was…injured and is in the military hospital in Frankfurt, Germany. Melanie had been over there with him. So when she flew back home, I offered to pick her up. It’s the least I could do.”

They were friends. Just friends. Jamie’s heart soared. Kellan didn’t have someone else, and he wasn’t over her. She knew this because he’d just gone to great lengths to explain things to her. “That was nice of you to help out a friend,” she finally said. “So how’s her husband? Is he going to be okay?”

Kell didn’t say anything at first. After a few moments, he said, “Jeff will be fine. Melanie wouldn’t have come back otherwise.” She heard him let out a loud breath. “Listen, Jamie, I really called to apologize to you for what a jerk I was at the airport yesterday.”

She couldn’t believe her ears. “What’s this? An apology from the Kellan Chance?”

He chuckled. “Knock it off. I’m trying to be nice here.”

“Wow. Now I’m worried. I must be dying and no one’s told me. I mean, an apology and an attempt to be nice—all in the same conversation?”

“People change, you know. You probably wouldn’t recognize a lot of things about me now.”

Jamie tensed, again assailed with the same fear that had gripped her when Dr. Hampton had asked her what she’d do if Kell ever changed. Suddenly claustrophobic, she searched for something innocuous to say. “So, were you and your friend Jeff on some mission when he was injured?”

“You know I can’t say if I was there or even if it was a mission.”

Which meant it had been and Kell had been there. Still, something in his voice, a sadness or a hardness, she didn’t know which, made Jamie ask, “Kellan, are you all right?”

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

“You don’t sound fine.” Now that she thought about it, yesterday he’d looked thinner. His handsome face had been all taut angular lines. And he’d walked stiffly, too, maybe a bit slower. Then, because he was so somber, so different, and because she was worried about him, Jamie reverted to familiar ground. “So, are you still Mr. Important out at MacDill?”

That earned her another chuckle…a sound she knew well and loved, one that had her stroking the mouthpiece in her hand, as if by doing so she could feel Kell’s strong jaw or his clean-shaven cheek. “Ironically,” he said, “I’m even more so now, it turns out. And how about you, Dr. Winslow? I’m really proud of you—not that you could tell yesterday by my behavior at the airport.”

“Forget that, Kell. We were both pretty immature. The shock of seeing each other, I guess. I’m over it.”

“Well, good. But I’m still sorry. So, are you going into private practice?”

Jamie exhaled in frustration. When would she ever be able to tell anyone the truth? “No. Not exactly. Why? Are you in need of a therapist?”

“Surprisingly, yes. It’s been suggested.”

Jamie laughed. “I bet it has.” But she already knew that the men of the Special Forces units regularly undergo psychological testing and evaluation because of the nature of their jobs.

“So, Jamie, how come there’s no new man in your life?”

Well, that touched a very old and deep wound between them. But his voice hadn’t sounded anything but conversationally friendly…maybe. “Now, how do you know there isn’t? I could just be going by my maiden name, you know.”

“That’s true.”

He didn’t believe her in the least. Mainly, she decided, because he knew her too well. After all, he was the man she’d twice left standing alone. There it was—the old commitment thing. Jamie smiled wistfully. “I can’t pull anything over on you, can I?”

“No. Afraid not.”

After that, the conversation seemed to drag. Jamie couldn’t think of a thing to say. And all Kellan did was breathe…and perhaps wait for her to say something. She wondered why he’d called, where this was going. “Are you married, Kellan?” she suddenly blurted.

“Oh, hell no. You broke me of wanting that. Ever.”

Well, if she thought the conversation had lagged before…

“Look, Jamie,” Kellan suddenly said, “you want to get a drink or something right now? Maybe ride to the beach, if you don’t have plans?”

He was asking her out? “No, I don’t.”

“You don’t what—have plans or want to?”

He was so direct. And giving her the opening she needed to speed up the closure Dr. Hampton so obnoxiously insisted on. Jamie moistened her lips. She couldn’t think how to respond. It suddenly seemed cheap to use him like this. Especially when he was down and a little vulnerable. But wasn’t that the perfect mood for him to be in for her to achieve her goal? Well, that sounds perfectly noble, Dr. Jamie Lynn Winslow.

“Hello? Jamie?”

Jamie started, as if only then realizing she held a cordless phone to her ear. “Oh, I’m sorry, Kell. You just surprised me, that’s all.”

“I didn’t mean to. But what do you say?”

He sounded as if he really needed to talk to her. This was so scary and so unlike Kellan. Jamie’s chest constricted. Why was she so good at this with patients but terrible at it in her own life? “No, Kell. I…can’t go with you. I’d like to. But I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” His voice betrayed nothing.

Helplessness ate at her. She didn’t want to turn him down. She wanted to go, but she feared it was for the wrong reason. For her reason. And not his. If he was really down, then he deserved honesty and sincerity. Not her self-serving motivations. “I just can’t. I’m really sorry, Kellan.”

His silence told her he clearly hadn’t expected that response. Just as she was about to change her mind, he said, “All right. If you can’t, you can’t. Sorry I bothered you, Jamie. I shouldn’t have called. I guess I just let the past get in my way there for a minute. It was nice seeing you yesterday. I was just hoping—well, never mind. It won’t happen again. Goodbye.”

Jamie started to protest…but the line went dead.

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