The Daughter He Wanted

Paige sat back in her seat. She’d never imagined he would admit he had reservations about meeting their daughter. It wasn’t the victory she’d expected, though. Instead of pumping her fist in a “whoop-whoop” she wanted to shrivel farther against the booth. God, it was like she was manic. Yay! He doesn’t want to meet her! one minute and holding back tears because he didn’t see what a gift Kaylie was the next.

“I kind of thought that.”

“What I realized, just before you stepped out on the porch, is that I can’t not be involved. Can’t walk away. Drive away. I need to know her, as much as you’ll allow. I won’t push, I promise you I won’t.” The promise was there, in his brown eyes. In the tension in his shoulders and his thumb flicking against the stirrer.

“If you’re not pushing yourself into our lives, if you don’t know that you want to have a part in my daughter’s life, just what do you want?” It was the question she’d been dying to ask for two days. The question that had brought on both the nightmare and the silly movie-ending dream.

“I’m not sure.”

At least he was honest. “We can’t be a replacement for the family you lost.” The words were defensive so she gentled her voice. One thing she’d learned as a child was that histrionics didn’t make the point. Solid, calm rationality did. “Fertility treatments are rough on couples. You lost your wife before they could really get started, and I’m sorry about that.” She swallowed. “But no matter what you lost, Kaylie isn’t the replacement part that will fix it.”

“I know that, too.” Alex bent the stirrer and then shoved it through the sip-spout of his coffee lid. “Whatever this is, it isn’t guilt-ridden. I got over my wife’s death a long time ago. I could have gone my whole life without knowing any of this, but I know. I can’t turn back the clock, not on any of it. I can’t forget that I have a daughter. All I’m asking for is a chance to get to know her. If not as her dad maybe as a friend?”

A guy who is a friend. It would be less intimate. Safer for Kaylie, certainly. In Kaylie’s insular world friends stayed around forever, but maybe it would be simpler if they started with the friend card. For Paige, too. Friends had beer after ball games, not caviar by candlelight.

Then, because she didn’t want to give him time to come up with an excuse, “Alison, the friend I mentioned the other day, and I have lunch every Sunday. This week it’s at her house. You could come by. Meet everyone. It’s informal. No pressure, and it’s a familiar place for Kaylie.”

Plus, it was less than forty-eight hours away. If this man wanted a relationship with Kaylie, he would cancel whatever plans he had. And if he didn’t...better to understand his priorities now than later.

“Sunday.” Alex crushed the empty coffee cup in his hands. “What time should I be there?”

CHAPTER FOUR

“I CAN’T BELIEVE you invited him,” Alison hissed through her teeth as she picked up the bowl of potato salad and pushed open the back door with her hip.

Paige followed her onto the covered deck of the bungalow with a plate of condiments in one hand and a pitcher of sweet tea in the other. They started the tradition of Sunday dinners, switching between Paige’s home and Alison’s, after college. Sometimes friends stopped in. If Alison happened to be dating someone, he might stop by. Her parents were regulars since Kaylie was born, but they wouldn’t be here today. One hurdle at a time, she decided, and Kaylie meeting Alex for the first time was a big enough hurdle.

“Scratch that, I can’t believe he showed up. From everything you said.”

Alex sat under Alison’s maple tree with his large, muscled friend Tucker. It had seemed like an easy thing to invite him to the barbecue, a good way for him to meet Kaylie with few expectations and zero pressure on the little girl. Now that he was here, though, it was a different thing altogether. Because even though he seemed oblivious to the women on the porch and even though he wasn’t pushing himself at Kaylie, he was there. Making her feel itchy and self-conscious. “I didn’t say anything.”

“And that was my point. When things are going well you talk, when things get hairy you clam up. It’s been your MO since we were kids.” Alison set the food bowls on the table and brushed her hands together. “So when you didn’t give me a breakdown Friday and when you didn’t say anything yesterday other than that you’d invited him, I figured the chances were slim he’d show.”

“I tell you everything.” Having brought out the condiments and tea, Paige knew there was nothing left inside until the chicken was ready, so she sat on Alison’s bench.

Alison rearranged the bowls of food on the table as she was no doubt arranging her next words. “You tell me about things when you’ve already made your decision. And that’s cool. I’m the friend, the supporter. The cheerleader. Not your priest or your mother.”

Huh. Paige had never realized it, but Alison’s words rang true. She did like to have her ducks in a row, so to speak, before telling anyone about her plans. Probably because if she didn’t have logical, intelligent arguments for everything from a new bike to a new hairstyle as a child her parents automatically shot her down.

Had she done that this time?

“I never realized before now that I did that.” Paige popped an ice cube into her mouth and then put her glass back on the table. “And I know. I was going to be strong. I was going to shut him down and insist that Kaylie and I were fine on our own.” She picked her glass back up and rolled it between her hands. “I had this hope in the back of my mind that maybe he only wanted to make sure we wouldn’t file for custodial support. But he isn’t going away. He has a right to know Kaylie.”

“He does. And you have the right to monitor those visits until you’re certain where he’s coming from.”

“Park Hills,” Paige said automatically. “I know, that’s not what you were really asking. He’s from Park Hills, works as a park ranger and lost his wife to cancer just before Kaylie was born. And if this isn’t a supervised visit, I don’t know what is.”

“True enough. And the cute friend?” Alison indicated Alex’s mountain of a friend sitting beside him under the tree. She flipped her head upside down, gathered her long red hair into her palm, grabbed the ball cap from the handrail and then slid her hair through the back opening. She waved a hand in her face. “Lord, it’s hot out here for October. Seriously, what do you know about the friend?”

“You’re terrible. My life is in turmoil and you’re thinking about your next date?”

“Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed we’ve got two of the hottest men in St. Francois County in my backyard.” Alison clucked her tongue.

Kaylie squealed from the swing set in the neighbor’s yard, rescuing Paige from answering. Kaylie squealed again and Paige fisted her hands but managed not to run screaming into the other yard to protect her daughter from the swings. Kids played on swings every day, she reminded herself, and only rarely did they get hurt. Alex looked like he might run into the yard, too.

Helicopter parents, we’re two helicopter parents in the making. For the past four years it was only her making sure Kaylie was safe in her crib, graduated from bottles to veggies, and didn’t get an infection from a skinned knee. A small piece of her heart was glad she wasn’t the only person watching over Kaylie now.

“I checked him out. He is who he says he is. He isn’t crazy or an alcoholic and he doesn’t have gambling debts.” She took a fortifying breath. “I know my track record isn’t great, but you have to admit most of the mistakes I dated were solely to get my parents’ attention. But that is beside the point because we aren’t dating. Not now and not ever. He’s Kaylie’s father and will eventually be my coparent. End of story.” Definitely, definitely the end of the story.

“Well, he is quite dishy. And your Google search didn’t return any obvious red flags.” Alison sat back in her chair and folded her arms over her ample chest. She inspected the men in the yard as if they were paintings at an auction. “If you were actually in the market...”

“Which I’m not.” Paige shrugged as if she hadn’t spent most of the past three days remembering how the man looked in jeans and a fitted tee. Or wondering what he might look like in baseball pinstripes.

“For my money, though, Tall, Dark and Handsome Friend wins in the looks department.”

“They aren’t unattractive.” Paige managed to say the words without her voice going into breathless territory but she couldn’t bring herself to look Alison in the eye. The guys in the yard drew her attention again as they sat back in the lawn chairs listening to the Rams game on the radio.

“Pu-lease, don’t tell me you haven’t noticed Alex has a smile like a Hollywood star. Or that his body is taut without going over into veiny-muscle territory.” Alison picked up her tea and drank. “And his voice is like sex on a stick.”

Paige sputtered iced tea across the table. “Sex on a stick? What does that even mean?”

Alison waggled her eyebrows. “You know what I mean, and don’t tell me you didn’t notice.”

“Did you spike the tea?” Alison shook her head. Paige mopped up the drops on the table, refusing to look her friend in the eye. “I didn’t notice,” she managed in an almost steady voice. “And my point was that he isn’t a loser who donated his sperm and is now looking for some kind of validation. He doesn’t have any dreaded diseases that might have been passed on to Kaylie. He’s a normal guy who has been through a rough few years and had a kid dropped in his lap.”

“Oh, no.” Alison’s voice dropped lower.

“What?” Paige blinked.

“You like him. Like, like him, like him.”

The timer went off in the kitchen, saving Paige from having to answer Alison’s statement but still she muttered, “I don’t like him, like him.”

Alison disappeared into the kitchen to finish barbecue prep and Paige turned back to the yard. Being grateful he wasn’t a serial killer wasn’t the same as liking him. Thinking he might be a good friend for Kaylie wasn’t the same as thinking he’d make a good boyfriend. He seemed to be as nervous as she about dropping all this on Kaylie. Points for him. He had a steady job. More points. He looked good in Levi’s. Extra bonus points.

Not that she’d really been looking.

He had a seemingly normal friend, which added to his points total. And slight overprotective streak aside, if Alison were truly worried about his motives she’d have given him her version of the Spanish Inquisition at the door and never let him set foot inside.

Then there was her private conviction that Alex Ryan was more than a commitment-phobe who would look for any reason to disappear.

Kaylie moved on to the sandbox, drawing her attention, and ran a toy truck over the wooden sides. Just a normal Sunday afternoon. Well, other than the incredibly distracting man sitting under the tree. He hadn’t pushed himself at Kaylie, which was a relief. Her daughter liked everyone she met, but like many toddlers she needed time to warm up to most of them.

Paige watched him for a long moment as he listened to the ball game. Black baseball cap covering his tawny hair, tee stretched across his broad chest, faded blue cargo shorts that were slightly tight in all the right places. His eyes were a deep brown that seemed to turn to gold when the light hit them just right. He crossed his ankle over his knee and held the longneck bottle by his fingertips beside him.

It just wasn’t fair for a man to have the tawny eyes and the tawny hair, not to mention the thick eyelashes and that little scar at the corner of his mouth that seemed to wink when he smiled.

His friend said something and his laugh cracked across the backyard, sending the butterflies in her belly into overdrive. It was a good laugh. A solid, confident laugh.

He turned and his intense gaze settled on her, pushing the butterflies to full-on panic mode. Alex smiled and tipped the bottle toward her before taking a drink. He turned his gaze back to his friend Tucker, but Paige had the unsettling feeling his focus was still on the deck.

On her.

It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. Made her sit a little straighter in her chair. Cross her legs.

God. She was not, repeat not, interested in the man as a...

Shoot. Yes, she was.

She needed to cap that feeling the way she capped the tubes of paint in her studio: tightly. Not just for her own sanity, either. Alison wasn’t wrong about Paige’s past romances.

She sighed. Men who either couldn’t or wouldn’t treat her as anything more than an accessory. Something to put on and take off as the mood suited them.

Paige never doubted her decision to have Kaylie as a single parent.

Not until the gorgeous man sitting under her best friend’s tree had shown up on her doorstep. Well, curb.

Please, don’t let him treat Kaylie like an accessory.

Alex pointed and Paige looked in that direction in time to see Kaylie climb up the rungs of the ladder and hurl herself toward the metal trapeze frame hanging from one end of the swing set. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment that seemed to take too long. Kaylie sailed through the short space, tawny hair flying behind her, until her little hands caught the bottom rung and held fast. Her legs swung once more, twice.

Kaylie giggled as the trapeze swung crazily to the side. And then she fell, hard, down to the ground.

Paige was out of her chair like a shot and so was Alex. They started toward Kaylie but she got up, dusted off her rump and turned toward the house.

“Didja see me, Mama? I flew! I really flew!” She high-fived herself. “Good job, Kaylie, good job!” An enormous grin split her face and she turned to the ladder. “I’m’a go again. Watch this time,” she ordered.

Paige stopped short of the swing set, Alex beside her, and watched as Kaylie climbed back up the four-rung ladder. She settled her feet, holding on to the sides of the swing set as she twisted her mouth to the side and looked intently at the barely moving trapeze.

“She’ll be okay. She’ll be okay.” Paige whispered the words like a prayer. “Be okay. It’s only three feet off the ground. Be okay.”

Alex joined in, his deep, whispering voice combining with hers in the she’ll-be-okay chant.

Finally, Kaylie pushed off the step and jumped toward the trapeze once more. Her hands slipped and she tumbled to the soft earth beneath the swings.

“Oh, no,” Paige said, stepping forward. But Alex’s hand on her wrist stopped her.

“Wait.”

Who was he to tell her to wait? She couldn’t wait. Her baby just fell three feet to the hard ground.

Kaylie stood up again, dusted off her behind and shoved her hair away from her face. She looked up at the trapeze as if it betrayed her and then stomped away from the swing set toward them. She beetled her brows, mumbling to herself and looking back to the swings.

Paige caught her daughter in her arms. “You okay, baby?”

“It wasn’t supposed to move.”

“What wasn’t supposed to move?” Alex knelt beside them in the grass.

“The hand swinger. It was s’posed to stay still.” She wriggled out of Paige’s too-tight grasp. “I told it I’d come back later but only if it promises to stay still.” Kaylie shot another glance toward the trapeze, swinging lightly in the breeze. “Only if it stays still,” she enunciated each word in her angry, four-year-old voice and continued to Alison’s deck. “I need juice,” she called and pushed open the sliding glass door to the kitchen.

Paige put her hand to her heart. “She’s okay. I thought I might have lost about a year off my life there for a second.”

Alex chuckled beside her. “If you lost one, I think I lost five.” He angled his head toward the deck. “Can I buy you a glass of tea for your nerves?” he joked.

Paige shook her head. “I need more than tea after that.”

“Anything for Supergirl’s mom.”

“Princess Amidala, thank you very much.”

Alex put his arm around her shoulder and squeezed. Paige couldn’t resist a lean-in, just for a second. A hint of sandalwood that she recognized as him tickled her nose and she forced herself away before she could turn her head into his chest and take a deep breath. They weren’t friends, not yet. And even if they became friends, that was all this could be. She wouldn’t jeopardize Kaylie’s relationship with her father by starting her own relationship with the man. Alex’s next words made her squeeze her eyes closed to repeat that promise to herself once more. Twice.

“And she’s way more than okay. She’s just about perfect.”

Still, his words echoed in her mind.

CHAPTER FIVE

“I FORGOT TO call them.” Alison closed the sliding door softly behind her, apology written all over her face. “And it was such a perfect excuse, too.”

“They’re here?” Paige took a step away from Alex, who was suddenly way too close for comfort. The butterflies took up residence in her belly again, but this time for an entirely different reason.

Her parents stepped through the door holding hands with Kaylie, who was chattering about her leap to the trapeze.

Angry with her choice at first, Hank and Dot Kenner were trying to build a solid relationship with Kaylie. They came to the Sunday barbecues, school events and birthday parties. Conversations centered around Kaylie, and most of the time Paige could forget that for the first twenty-four years of her life they were either absent or controlling her every move.

They were trying with Kaylie, Paige reminded herself, and that meant something.

Hank was tall and overdressed for a backyard barbecue, but then when was he not? Even during summer break from the university in St. Louis he wore the same checked shirts, bow ties and tweed sport coats that he wore to teach constitutional law to second-year candidates. Paige’s mother, Dot, wore a geometric print dress with deep reds and oranges as the base colors. She focused her attention on Kaylie as she told the story of her leap from the swings. Afterward, Dot turned an accusing gaze toward Paige, who forced herself to unclench her hands.

“You let this child jump from a swing set to a trapeze?” She said the words as if Kaylie had been BASE jumping from the St. Louis Arch without a parachute.

Paige indicated the small swing set in the next yard. “No broken bones. Kids jump—”

Dot interrupted, gripping Kaylie’s little hand tighter. “She could have—” her gaze dropped to Kaylie “—B-R-O-K-E-N her neck.” She spelled out the offending word.

Kaylie squinted her eyes at her grandmother. “B is for bat. And ball. And bunches of grapes,” she said, pulling her hand from Dot’s grasp. She plucked her juice cup from Dot’s other hand and wandered off, chattering about more B words. “And bear. And bling. And br-r-ring me a cookie,” she said, giggling at herself.

Paige watched as Kaylie climbed onto one of the lawn chairs, crossed her legs at the ankle and sipped her drink. She really was the best kid.

“She didn’t break anything, Mother,” Paige said, keeping her voice calm. Level.

“It was irresponsible.”

“It was childhood,” Paige insisted despite the fact she’d had nearly the same reaction as her mother when Kaylie was midflight. But thinking something was different from wrapping her daughter up in bubble wrap for the next five years or insisting that she never swing or climb on a jungle gym.

“Okay, well, we have barbecue chicken coming from the oven in just a few minutes. I’ll just run inside and grab a few extra place settings. Mr. and Mrs. Kenner, can I get you something to drink?” Alison said, in an attempt to ease the tension between Paige and her parents. Paige sent her a thankful glance. Alison had been caught between them for nearly as long as Paige could remember. Hank and Dot waved off the offer of drinks, but Alison kept going toward the sliding glass door. “You’ll help me, won’t you, Joe?” She looked at Tuck, who was drinking the last of his beer.

“Joe?” she said again. Tuck’s blue eyes widened in surprise when he realized Alison was talking about him. “Could you help me in the kitchen, sweetie?”

“Ah, sure, sweetie.” He straightened his six-foot-plus frame from the deck post.

The two of them disappeared into the kitchen, leaving Paige with her parents and Alex.

There was just no way to explain to Dot and Hank who Alex was without ruining Paige’s plans. Paige’s actions frequently met with disapproval from her parents. When Paige first decided to use a fertility clinic, they’d told her she would make her child abnormal. Their opinion had gradually softened as Kaylie stole their hearts, but Paige still saw flickers of condemnation in their eyes from time to time.

She was not telling her parents exactly who Alex was. Not now. Not when her mother was working her way up to a full-blown migraine after less than five minutes. Alex deserved better than a full-on Dot Meltdown.

Alex cleared his throat behind her and she realized she was standing between him and her parents like some kind of guardian. Maybe she was. Hank and Dot might be doing a good job with grandparenting, but they were anything but picture-perfect parents.

Paige motioned from Alex to her parents and back again. “Hank and Dot Kenner, this is Alex Ryan. He’s a—”

“Friend,” Alex interrupted before Paige had the chance to say anything else. Which was good because her mind blanked when she realized she had no idea how to introduce him. “Uh, Joe and I can’t resist good barbecue.”

Dot grabbed Paige’s upper arm and turned her away from Alex. “You’re on a date with Kaylie ten feet away?” Dot faux-whispered the words, as if Alex might be deaf as well as gorgeous.

“Yes, Mother, and we were thinking about going inside to do the dance with no pants—” she used her mother’s least favorite sex slang despite feeling like a rebellious child for doing so “—and leaving Kaylie listening to the football game—so it’s a good thing you’re here to help out.” Paige pulled her arm from her mother’s grasp. “Of course we’re not on a date. He’s a friend. You know, a person with whom you talk and play on softball leagues with, and have barbecues.”

“You play sports?” Her mother seemed dumbfounded by the idea. True to form, though, Hank was already bored of the conversation. He made his way to a chair at the head of the table and sat, hands folded in his lap, thumbs twiddling.

Paige sighed. “It’s just part of the definition, Mom.”

“Although I do play in a rec softball league during the summer,” Alex added.

“You don’t have to be sarcastic,” Dot said, ignoring Alex completely. She pressed her fingertips to her temples. “I just never know with you, Paige.”

Yep, full-blown migraine would be hitting any moment. Paige tried not to feel bad that she had caused her mother pain—again—but couldn’t. She gently took Dot’s hand and led her to a cushioned chair in the deep shade.

“I’ll get you a cold cloth for your head, Mother. I’m sorry.” She motioned Alex to follow her inside. “I’m sorry.” She whispered the words as soon as they were inside.

“For what?”

“I—” Paige wasn’t sure what to say first. Sorry for not knowing what to call him? Sorry for that silly argument with her mother? Sorry she’d invited him here altogether? All of the above seemed like a good bet at this point.

“We all have crazy people in our families,” he said and bumped his shoulder against hers. The tingle returned with a vengeance. “Your craziness is just a little closer than most.”

Paige twisted her mouth to the side. She pulled a washcloth from a drawer and wet it in the sink. Alison and Tuck returned to the room, faces slightly red. “Where have you been?”

“I, um—”

“Alison needed some help in the, ah, basement,” Tuck said helpfully.

“Alison doesn’t have a basement.” Paige wrung out the cloth before focusing on her friend. “You’re the troubleshooter, remember? You keep me from saying stupid things to my parents and in return I buy you wine.”