Полная версия
Coming Undone
Coming Undone
Stephanie Tyler
For my daughter Lily,
who is my very favorite surfer girl and
who has more courage than anyone I know.
Contents
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
1
“I STARTED WITH, I THINK it’s sexy when we cuddle.”
At her best friend’s words, Carly tried hard not to laugh into the phone’s receiver, but she was unsuccessful. Cuddling was not sexy. Cuddling was for dogs and cats; it wasn’t appropriate fantasy material. Not the erotic kind, anyway, which is what Samantha had attempted to write for her boyfriend.
Carly sat back in her chair and tried to compose herself. After a minute, she managed to choke out, “Sam, I don’t think cuddling’s going to get Joe all hot and bothered. Telling him that you want to cuddle after he strips off your clothes slowly, gets you spread-eagled on the bed and has his way with you thoroughly might get him revved up. But you’d have to be more explicit. You could start with something like, I want to feel your tongue tracing a path down my neck, while your hand reaches between my…”
“Ha. I’m surprised you remember what a man’s touching you is like.”
“Why are we friends again?” Sam’s easy laughter made Carly smile into the phone.
“Because I’m here to remind that you need to get back to your wild ways. Mainly so I can live vicariously through you,” Sam said.
“It’s time for you to get a little wild. Let yourself go and try again. Joe will love it.”
The inspiration for her friend’s truly awful creation was an article in Total Woman Magazine, written by Candy
Valentine, titled: “Take Him Over The Falls: Revealing Your Most Erotic Fantasy To Your Man.”
Sam had lent her the magazine last week, and Carly had had a good chuckle over the title of the piece, an old surfing term that literally meant losing control. Apparently, the article had started some kind of erotic fantasy-writing craze, and her best friend had decided to jump on the bandwagon.
The article had given Carly food for thought. Lots and lots of thought.
“I’m not good at this kind of stuff,” Sam said.
“You’re confusing sexual fantasy with romance. They’re very different animals, according to Candy. You’ve got to forget the cozy-up by the fire routine and think about turning up the heat from the inside instead,” Carly explained.
“Obviously it’s something I’m not accomplishing in real life or on paper.”
The hurt in her friend’s voice was clear. Carly knew that Samantha and her boyfriend of a few months had hit a snag in the bedroom department.
Personally, Carly thought Joe was less than deserving of her friend, but she had to admit Samantha was slightly puritanical in her views on sex. If Carly could get her to loosen up, maybe she’d see that there was more to life than Joe.
Of course, this was coming from someone who hadn’t had a date in months, let alone anything close to a relationship, and she didn’t plan on changing that status anytime soon. “Maybe the problem’s not you, Sam.”
“Maybe, but I’m willing to give this a shot. Hey, are you ready for your parents’ visit?”
“Yes, and a root canal without Novocain.”
“More wedding talk, right? And you still don’t have a date.”
“Don’t remind me.” Carly pinched the bridge of her nose at the thought of how not well the visit was about to go. “And I have got an article due for the magazine, and the charity event’s coming up—”
“I’ll make you a deal. If you start the fantasy for me, I’ll help you with the event,” Samantha offered.
“Fine. I’ll start it, but you’ll have to finish it.” Carly knew she could use the help to plan her part of the charity event. And she’d known she was going to help Sam fix her writing from the second she’d heard that woeful attempt. “Let me get myself into fantasy mode and I’ll e-mail it to you in a while.”
“My computer’s down. Fax it instead. And don’t let your parents see it.”
“Don’t even joke about that.” She could imagine what her mother would say if she caught her eldest daughter writing erotic fantasies.
Women, especially women who were born into society, as her mother often termed it, weren’t supposed to have fantasies. Women with Carly’s social standing were to marry well, have children, work for various charities and generally do all things ladylike.
She had no problem with the charities per se, especially since her family had a legacy of service to the community, beginning with her great-grandmother and continuing into the present, thanks to her mother’s pageant work. Except the event her mother had volunteered Carly for truly inspired mixed feelings, ones she was trying hard not to think about, yet couldn’t seem to escape.
“Go write,” Sam said.
“Will do. I’ll also fax the lists I need you to go over.” She rooted around her desk for the list of names, all the people who’d RSVP’d that they’d attend the event and contribute, as well, and the master list of invitees. She’d set up an office in the guest bedroom of the old house she’d bought a few months earlier. The magazine gig, which she’d deemed her transitional career, was freelance and allowed her to work from the comfort of her home.
“Hey, did you go down to the water today?” Sam asked quietly.
There was no judgment in her friend’s tone, but Carly still felt her back go up for a moment.
She’s only trying to help you.
“No. I didn’t get a chance to,” she lied. Bitter disappointment surged through her at the fact that she had indeed tried. She’d threaded her toes through the sand at the top of the dunes, stared at the crashing waves a mile or so beyond and had been unable to walk any farther toward them. Breathing the calming ocean air hadn’t helped much, either, and she’d admitted defeat and headed back toward the house before she had the chance to panic. When she’d returned to her place, she’d closed the windows in her office so she couldn’t hear the ocean.
Maybe buying a house on the beach hadn’t been the smartest move after all. It had seemed right when she’d retired, or been forced into retirement, depending on how you looked at it, from professional surfing nearly ten months earlier. She’d sold her surfing school in Hawaii and moved to the Northern Florida Coast, settling near Daytona, a two-hour drive from Vero Beach, where she’d grown up. At twenty-five, she’d been nearing the end of her career, and the younger, faster women were snapping at her heels. She’d had a good run, and an even greater scare in that last tournament, never mind the accident that capped her career.
“Well, you’ll try again tomorrow, then. I know you will.”
“Thanks, Sam.”
“It’s going to get better. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. I know you’ll surf again, and then you’ll be happy.”
Carly wasn’t nearly as sure as her friend was, but it was good to know she wasn’t alone in the world. “I’ll have the fantasy for you in about an hour.” She clicked the speaker phone off, wound her long, unruly blond hair up into a messy knot and took a drink of Red Bull for fortification. Then she let her palms run over the smooth oak of the old desk she’d picked up at an antique store last month while she brooded.
It was a gorgeous day outside, all blue skies and perfect swells, and she was unable to come out from behind this desk and catch a hollow.
She’d never admit it to anyone, but when she crashed in her last tournament, she’d been more scared than she’d ever been in her life. She’d been much more hurt, too, since she’d garnered a catalogue of horrific injuries, including a fractured vertebra, a broken femur and a fractured skull. Those were just the biggies, and she’d been lucky to get out of the hospital with only a titanium rod in her thigh as a souvenir. She hadn’t needed one in her spine, which most likely would’ve meant never surfing again.
After ten months of extensive rehab, her thigh and back still ached occasionally, and even though the PCL muscle in her knee had been surgically repaired, it would never be the same, and neither would she.
She’d been planning to retire after one last circuit of the major tournaments, but she hadn’t wanted to go out like that. At the time, her repetitive stress injuries were slowing her down, compounded by the fact that she’d kept up with the big dogs. She’d pushed her fears aside with her competitive nature and ridden in some surfing holes that were not for the squeamish. She’d been pounded and had worn her scars with pride.
At the time she was hospitalized, doctors had told her that leaving the competitive world of surfing behind might be the only chance she’d have of getting on a board again. It would have to be for recreation only. She couldn’t imagine not climbing on a board ever again, and so she’d agreed with the medical professionals.
She comforted herself with the fact that she hadn’t made that decision based on fear, however, she hadn’t realized how deeply the accident had rooted itself into her psyche.
She did realize it now, since she still hadn’t been able to get herself onto a board although the doctors had given her the thumbs up. That was a whole different kind of fantasy she needed to fulfill.
She picked up the magazine and flipped to the article on the art of fantasy and seduction by Candy Valentine.
For Carly, fantasizing wasn’t the problem.
It wasn’t easy to find someone to live up to those dreams. Most of the men she’d met never stayed in one place long enough to even think about a relationship. And a commitment was the last thing on anyone’s mind in the happy-go-lucky world of beach bums, who didn’t want to grow up. She had to admit, she’d been commitment-shy, too. Until Dan, another professional surfer, cruised into town and swept her away.
The relationship ended in disaster when she’d been hurt. He couldn’t handle it, he’d told her, and then added, besides, now we have nothing in common. From then on, she’d been reluctant about making promises. Casual flings were fine, but she wasn’t wading in deeper in the emotion.
Truth be told, most of the men she dated fell far short of her expectations, both in and out of bed. And now she was supposed to be helping Samantha spice up her reality with a healthy dose of fantasy.
The irony was enough to make her choke on her Red Bull.
She couldn’t worry about that now. Fantasize, she ordered herself. She’d use positive visualization, just like her old coach had taught her. Set your sights on your goal and picture yourself attaining it.
She opened a new Word document and began to type quickly, not thinking too hard about the words that flew from her fingers. That was the key to these things, and that’s what Candy had written in her latest article:
1 Loosen up, forget the embarrassment.
2 Ask for what you want.
3 Write what thrills you, what turns you on.
4 Explore your deepest sexual secrets.
What was her ultimate fantasy? Beyond getting back up on the board again, of course.
Take the reins and please me.
Really, the line between catching a swell and an orgasm was pretty fine. Both gave that in-the-pit-of-your-belly thrill, and both ended up leaving you wiped out and breathless in the best way possible. The only problem was that surfing was a solitary sport, and she didn’t want her orgasms to follow suit.
Let me lose control like I’ve never lost control before.
She thought about her prince charming, her hero, her everything rolled into one man, and then thought about how, even though she could more than handle herself, she’d like to be handled by him.
Just take me, dammit.
Yep, fantasy was much better than reality.
“YOU NEED A DATE FOR YOUR sister’s wedding, Carolyn, and so does Evan. I don’t understand the problem.”
No, of course her mother wouldn’t. Carly bit her tongue. For the millionth time that day, she wished she was still getting her stress-relief from a ride on a wave. Catching a sick double-overhead, especially, and riding through to the crest would’ve been the perfect remedy for this situation. But she knew she’d been lucky to have avoided her sister’s wedding hoopla for this long. The day was imminent now, and it was only a matter of time before her command performance as Carolyn Winters, society maven-to-be.
As if the lime-green bridesmaid’s dress wasn’t humiliation enough. And she couldn’t bear to think about the ridiculous hairstyle she’d have to endure on Nicole’s behalf. She’d heard rumors about mini-tiaras, and she hadn’t had the heart to investigate it any further.
“Evan’s not my type,” Carly said.
“But he likes you,” her father pointed out.
For your money, she thought. For me, all by my lonesome, not so much.
“He’s not going to be my date for Nicole’s wedding.” It came out louder than intended. Across the table, her father winced and her mother shook her head with impatience, and Carly was glad they’d chosen to eat in at her house, rather than make a public spectacle of themselves.
She’d fallen in love with the old place the second she’d laid eyes on it, despite the real estate agent’s pleas to forget about it and find something newer. Hurricane-proof was the exact term she’d used. But the small Mediterranean had a charm, a grace one didn’t find easily in a house for sale in this part of Florida anymore. The area was rife with McMansions and ranch houses. It had become her safe haven, close enough to the ocean for her to know it was there, but not too close to cause her concern. Until today’s fiasco.
“Will you please talk to her?” her mother said to her father while waving a perfectly French-manicured hand in the air.
Everything about her mother was perfect. Shelia Winters was still beautiful, still resembled that young woman who’d won the Miss Florida pageant when she was eighteen and caught the eye of the very wealthy Carl Winters III. Today, her mother’s light blue linen suit set off her blue eyes. Her skin seemed untouched by the sun. How someone lived in Florida and managed not to get a tan had always been a mystery to Carly, who only had to think about sun before her skin turned golden brown.
Her mother was already investigating dermabrasion and face lifts for her daughter.
“I’m still in the room,” Carly reminded them, dishing herself another helping of the complicated Shrimp Risotto she’d ordered from the gourmet restaurant in town. Cooking had never been her forte, and she’d lived in and out of hotel rooms and rental houses so often that she’d never had the time nor the inclination to learn to cook.
“Honestly, she’s impossible.” Her mother ran a hand over her own blond hair pulled back in a chic twist.
Carly ran a hand through her mess of blond locks that tumbled loosely around her shoulders. As far from a beauty queen as you could get. Thank goodness her sister had taken on that role willingly, or Carly’s teen years would’ve truly been a nightmare.
“I don’t understand the problem, Carolyn,” her father said. He was a good match for her mother, still handsome with streaks of silver feathering his dark hair. “You two always enjoyed being together.”
“When we were twelve. And it was more of a forced being together, since we were the only two kids of the same age on the yacht,” she pointed out.
“We’ve always talked about the two of you becoming a couple, honey,” her mother tried again in her best I’m-trying-to-be-patient-with-you voice. “It seems so right. You’re single, he’s single…”
Carly sighed, fighting the urge to lie on the floor in the middle of her kitchen and throw a good, old-fashioned temper tantrum. She was a mature, independent and successful woman who happened to be single, but she felt anything but mature right now. Her parents’ nagging about dating always seemed to bring out the worst in her, and she’d promised herself their comments wouldn’t get to her tonight.
A pairing between Carly and Evan Tremont III was always the family joke, since their parents were best friends. She’d run into Evan maybe three times over the past five years, and none of those events had been memorable. Obviously, both families thought that attending a wedding together might spark some ideas. Evan had no problem with this theory, and no backbone, either, since he’d sent her an e-mail offering to be her date. He’d apologized for being out of the country and unable to ask her in person, but knew they’d have a nice time.
A nice time. Not a great time, an awesome time, a killer-wicked time, not even a good time, but a nice time.
Ultra-formal, ultra-stuffy and ultra-boring. Carly could not live her life like that at all. Evan needed a healthy dose of Candy Valentine and then some.
Evan would’ve been perfect for Nicole, but her sister always managed to find her own suitably wealthy men their parents approved of. The man she was set to marry in two weeks’ time was no exception.
“We’re only trying to help, honey. It’s been a long time since we’ve heard about you dating anyone,” her mother spoke up.
“I go on dates,” Carly insisted. “I didn’t realize I had to file a report every time I went out with someone.”
She’d had exactly two dates since she’d been back. One was a double date with Samantha and Joe and one of Joe’s friends, an experience she’d never repeat. The other was a blind date, the son of someone she knew from the magazine. A total and complete disaster. She’d find her own dates from now on.
“We think you need to start doing something serious with your life, some settling down,” her mother continued.
“I was doing something serious. I had a career, remember?”
Her mother rolled her eyes as though she’d sooner forget and her father patted her hand. “Yes, sweetie, but it was time for you to give that up. There’s important charity work for you to do in the family’s name. People are counting on you.”
Inwardly she cringed at the thought of her entire career being so easily dismissed even though she should be used to it by now. Besides, in surfing, you were only as good as your last ride.
“And I spoke to a plastic surgeon. He said he could remove that with no problem.” Her mother pointed to the small tattoo of a shark Carly had on her right ankle as though it were a disease spreading over her daughter’s body. “I’m sure he could do something about those, too.” This time, her mother pointed to the constant reminders of the accident on Carly’s thigh and knee, then waved her hand around, as though making it all disappear.
“I’m not seeing a plastic surgeon. The scars stay. And so does the tattoo.” She didn’t bother to use the plural. Her mother would never find out about the other one, anyway.
“She’s always been so stubborn, Carl.” Her mother shook her head and her father sighed.
“Maybe if you gave Evan another chance,” her father began. “Nicole doesn’t want you dateless at her wedding.”
In actuality, she didn’t give a flying crap what her perfect younger sister, and former Miss Florida, wanted, but Carly’s next words came as much of a surprise to her as they did to her parents. “I’m already seeing someone.”
The declaration stopped her parents short and Carly gave herself a mental pat on the back. The technique that had proven successful in several top-grossing movies was obviously as effective in real life.
Time to watch those films again to figure out exactly how these women found their made-up boyfriends.
“You said you were dating, but you didn’t mention anyone serious, Carolyn. Why haven’t we met this mystery man?” her mother asked.
She’d been thinking the same thing. “He’s been away. Traveling. I was going to introduce you at the wedding.” The overactive imagination was good for a lot of things, including making up men in her life. And the traveling excuse came naturally, since she’d done it often for her own career. Why hadn’t she thought of this before?
“Why not bring him to the rehearsal dinner?” her mother asked.
Yes. That was why.
“Or, better yet, the party we’re throwing this weekend?” her father suggested.
Sure. She’d get right on that magic voodoo doll and conjure herself up a man. At least, her parents had stopped mentioning Evan.
The phone rang, saving her momentarily.
Sam’s number flashed on the cell phone’s screen. “Hey,” Carly whispered, “parents are here.” She leaned her back against the cool, white stucco wall in her front hallway.
“Is it as bad as we thought?”
“Worse. Remind me to tell you about the trouble I’ve created for myself.” She heard her parents move into the living room and she made a dash into the now deserted kitchen to start the strong coffee she knew she was going to need.
Sam groaned. “With your imagination, I can only imagine. And I don’t mean to bug you, but Joe’s coming over tonight and I really wanted to give him that letter.”
“It should be easy for you to finish it off. Didn’t you like what I wrote?” Carly asked as she crumbled coconut onto the white icing of the cake she’d baked earlier from a box mix. Coconut therapy, she’d joked to herself when she’d made it, and she’d used an extra thick layer of frosting to hide the lopsidedness.
“I’m sure I will, once you send it.”
A slight chill went through her at Sam’s words. “I sent it hours ago. It went through, because I got the confirmation.”
“It didn’t come through here,” Samantha said quickly. “Can you resend it?”
Resending it was not the most immediate problem. That fax contained some erotic stuff, and whoever got it would most certainly be in for a thrill.
“Sam,” Carly said, trying to swallow her panic. “If you didn’t get the fax, then who did?”
“Maybe it didn’t go through and you only thought it did,” Sam tried to reassure her, as she forgot her parents and headed to her office, taking the stairs two at a time.
She pulled the fax confirmation out of the recycling bin where she’d tossed it earlier. She scanned for the number and read it out loud, number by number until…
“I reversed the last two numbers and somehow I added a dash,” she said. Oh crap. And then she saw the initials underneath the confirmation. USN. “What the heck does USN stand for?”
“I don’t know what it stands for, but I’m sure whoever gets it will just ignore it.”
This certainly made finding a man a little less intense, but at least she’d signed Candy’s name as a joke and not her own. She hadn’t used a cover letter, either.
Whoever got it wasn’t going to know it was her personal secret fantasy. “I hope so. And I’ll fax it to you again now, okay?” Carly snapped the cell phone shut and double- checked the fax number twice before pushing Send.
“Carolyn, someone’s at the door,” her mother called up the stairs.
“I’ve got it,” she called back. She crumpled up the confirmation paper and threw it back into the bin before heading down to the front door. She opened it without looking through the peephole.
