The Nanny's Christmas Wish

No. She stood up and moved to the nearest box. The last thing she wanted was to inflict any more pain on either Josh or Cody. They’d experienced a terrible loss before Cody’s first birthday and she had no desire to open any old wounds for them. With any luck she could spend a year or so with Cody, and have enough of a relationship with the little boy that Josh would allow her to stay in his life after Cody no longer needed a nanny.

So she’d get over this ridiculous quasi-attraction to Josh and that would be that.

Wouldn’t it?

So why didn’t her plan seem to be quite so simple anymore?

Chapter Two

Her nephew, so far, hated her.

Okay, maybe that was an exaggeration. Maggie braced her arms on the kitchen counter and let her head fall forward with a sigh. Almost lunchtime on their very first day together and Cody hadn’t spoken more than four words to her. And only then because she’d spoken to the little boy first. It would take time for him to adjust, this she knew. It didn’t bother her. Really.

If only he wouldn’t look at her like he might a particularly freaky bug. He edged around her like he expected her to squirt something vile at any moment.

She squared her shoulders and her resolve. She was not here in the capacity of auntie. To Cody, she was the nanny and a poor sub for Mrs. Herman at that.

The shrill of the phone snapped Maggie back to reality. She grabbed the handset off the counter. “Hello?”

“Maggie. It’s Josh.” Oh, Lord. Her insides did a totally unwelcome little flip. “How’s everything going there so far?”

“Morning, Josh,” she said, glad her voice remained steady. “We’re doing just fine.” True enough. Just not the kind of fine she’d hoped for.

“That’s good.” The relief in his voice rang in her ear. “Sorry I wasn’t there this morning,” he added. “I rotate on calls with two other docs. I usually get calls every night I’m on. Not all of them involve me having to go in to the hospital, though.”

“It’s okay. I understand.” She prowled around the kitchen. Talking to him on the phone wasn’t much easier than doing it in person. Here he was right in her ear and she couldn’t put distance between them.

“Is he right there?” Josh asked. “I’d like to talk to him for a minute.”

Maggie headed for the stairs. “Of course. He’s got his trains out in his room. Hold on.”

She called for Cody, who came running when he heard it was his dad. After a brief chat, and numerous looks slid Maggie’s way, from which she deduced the conversation was about her, Cody handed the phone to her and returned to his trains without a backward glance. She stared at his retreating form with a muffled sigh and lifted the handset to her ear.

“Josh? Still there?” The bright note in her voice sounded false, even to her.

“Yeah,” he said, sounding distracted. “But I have to go. My next patient is here. Give Cody time, Maggie. He’s a little shy. He’ll come around.”

“Of course he will. We really are doing fine here, Josh,” she assured him. “I’m not worried.” Much.

“Good. Listen, I’ll give you a call later if it looks like I’ll be late getting home.” Maggie heard a female voice in the background and the rustle of paper.

“That’s fine. See you then.”

“Bye.” Click.

The dial tone sounded in her ear. Maggie stood and stared at the phone for a second before replacing it in its cradle on the wall. She released a long breath. If she couldn’t get a handle on this bizarre attraction to Josh, what would she do?

Maggie stalked over to the fridge and yanked open the door in search of lunch for Cody. “I know exactly what I’ll do,” she muttered as she pulled out sliced turkey. “I’ll work harder to get over it.”

She wasn’t stupid enough to fall for her boss.

Again.

* * *

Josh tipped his chair back and stared at the ceiling of his office where he’d taken advantage of a few quiet moments to scarf lunch and call Maggie.

It’s just because it’s their first day alone. It didn’t have anything to do with Maggie’s long legs or that smooth, dark hair that fell in a thick mass past her shoulders. Nothing to do with those clear blue eyes, or the wariness with which she watched him. And, of course, he wasn’t thinking about her because he was attracted to her.

Not at all.

She was the nanny for God’s sake.

“Hey, Doc.” Marta, his nurse, leaned in his office. “Julie Henney’s ready in One.”

Great. “Thanks. I’ll be right there,” he said, and let the chair legs thump forward onto the floor. He didn’t think he’d ever seen Julie Henney for an actual illness, unless he considered her inability to take a hint a sickness.

“Everything all right?” Marta asked and Josh arched a brow.

“Of course. Why do you ask?” Marta possessed the finely tuned radar of a protective older sister, except she was younger and not related to him at all. Well, unless he counted the fact she’d married his best friend.

“You just seem a little distracted.”

Josh shrugged. “No, everything’s fine. Just Cody’s first day with his new nanny, that’s all.” The truth as far as it went.

Marta nodded and seemed to accept it. Josh struck out for Exam One, where Julie Henney waited.

Before opening the door he grabbed her chart from the box and steeled himself. Ms. Henney had been after him for years. In fact, she’d offered him what she’d termed comfort not two months after Lucy’s death. The memory still made his stomach turn.

The worst part? Lucy had considered Julie a good friend.

He pushed open the door and fixed what he hoped was a neutral expression on his face. He couldn’t give an inch or she’d be all over him like he was a chocolate buffet. “Hi, Julie. What brings you here today?”

She perched on the end of the table, her skinny legs crossed at the ankle, her skirt stopping midthigh. She’d braced on her arms, leaning forward, no doubt to be sure he’d get an eyeful of what he knew to be artificially enhanced cleavage since he’d recommended the surgeon. Bottle blond hair loose and silky on her shoulders? Check. Pout firmly in place, predatory gleam in her pale blue eyes? Double check.

She must have broken up with her latest sugar daddy.

“Hey, Josh.” Her voice was a throaty purr.

“Let’s see.” He made a show of examining Marta’s few notes. “You’re here for a sore throat?”

She shifted on the table. Probably to make sure he noticed her rack. “Yes.”

Josh grabbed his laryngoscope and clicked it on. “Open up so I can see.”

When he shone it down her throat—no redness, no drainage, no surprise—Julie grabbed his arm. She looped one foot around his leg and rubbed her hand on his chest. “I’m all fine now,” she murmured. “Why don’t you lock that door and ask me to open up again?”

Hell. Josh extricated himself from her grip and stepped back. Enough was enough. He’d been polite to Julie for years, out of respect for Lucy, and this woman never got the hint. He looked her straight in the eye.

“I’ve been nice about this for way too long,” he said, keeping his voice cool. “I’m not interested in you, Julie. I’m not interested in anything you have to offer. I think it would be best if you found another doctor.”

She turned purple and her jaw dropped then snapped shut. She sat up straight, tugged at the hem of her skirt. “Oh, come on, Josh. I didn’t mean anything by it,” she sputtered. “What’s a little sex between friends? You’re alone, I’m alone. Lonely. Why can’t we enjoy each other?”

Josh inhaled a deep breath and hissed it out. Damn. “I’m not interested in a relationship,” he said firmly. “Of any kind.”

She shot up one manicured eyebrow. “I’m not looking for marriage, Josh. Are you still hung up on Lucy? She’s been gone a long time. And you’ve been alone a long time—fine,” she snapped and threw up her hands. “Fine. I get it. I’m outta here. If you change your mind—”

“I won’t,” Josh said. “It doesn’t matter how long Lucy’s been gone. She was my wife.” Not that I was much of a husband. Josh shoved the thought and the accompanying pain away. “Do you want a recommendation for another physician?”

She slid off the table, her skirt slipping up so it barely covered her cheeks. She tugged it back down and grabbed her purse. “No. I do not. This is your loss, Doctor.”

She sailed out, her chin up. Relief flooded him. He turned to gather up the paperwork. He’d been willing to keep her in his life out of respect for Lucy but clearly Julie’s idea of respect and his were very different.

“Well, looks like that went well.” Marta’s dry voice came from behind him.

Josh turned and gave a half shrug. Actually, if it kept Julie from trying to jump him, he’d say it was a resounding success. “As well as it ever could, I guess.”

She ripped off the paper cover on the table and began to unroll a new one. “That woman’s had her eye on you for years.”

Josh grunted. What could he say? “She was Lucy’s friend. It just never seemed right.”

She nodded. “You’re a good guy, Doc. You’ll find a good woman someday, too.”

He gritted his teeth and turned on the water to wash up. “I’m not looking, Marta. You know that.” Why couldn’t people just leave him alone? Why was it so hard to believe he could be perfectly happy with just him and Cody? They were a team. They didn’t need anyone else.

She studied him for a long moment and shrugged. “Maybe not. But sometimes, Fate does the looking for you.”

* * *

Marta’s words rang in his ears as he drove home that night, hard as he tried to ignore them. Fate. Was it Fate that had brought Maggie to them? He’d seen the glint in his mother’s eye when he’d hired Maggie. Marta and half of Holden’s Crossing—the half that wasn’t trying to hook themselves or their single female relatives up with him—would undoubtedly have a similar look. A young, single, very attractive woman in his home. Conclusions would be drawn.

Too damn bad. Josh flexed his hands on the steering wheel. People could think whatever they wanted. He knew the truth, was fully aware every single moment of every single day of the promise he’d made to his dead wife. No one else knew, except his best friend. He’d made his bed, so to speak, after Lucy’s death and stuck to his word for the past three years. He saw no reason to go back on it now.

Even if he was lonely.

Josh hissed and cranked the radio up as if the driving beat of Nickelback could squash that thought and all it implied. He’d never allowed himself to go there, to consider it. Cody was his first priority. Period.

The brightly lit house greeted him when he pulled in the driveway and he noticed smoke curled from the chimney. In the garage he caught a whiff of dinner from the kitchen. Did he smell a roast? He chuckled as he climbed out of his SUV. No doubt Cody would be relieved that a casserole wasn’t on the menu tonight.

Maggie stood at the sink, her back to him as he came through the connecting door. Her long, dark ponytail fell down her back and the ties of her red apron draped over her shapely rear.

Not that it was the first place he looked or anything.

He turned to hang his keys on the rack and weather the tide of guilt that lapped at him. Had he ever walked in and simply appreciated Lucy’s ass? No, he’d come in the house braced for a fight. Which she’d given him much more often than a smile.

Jeez, Luce, what a mess we were.

Maggie turned as he did. Her cheeks were flushed with the warmth of the kitchen and she offered him a quick smile.

“Dinner’s almost ready. I just need to mash the potatoes. Cody’s washing up.” She lifted a steaming colander out of the sink and dumped it in a mixing bowl.

He walked up behind her, not too close, but enough to catch the scent of lavender off her hair. “Smells wonderful in here.” God help him, he didn’t mean just the food.

She tossed him a quick grin and scooted around him to the stand mixer. “Thanks. It’s nothing fancy.”

He headed to the powder room off the kitchen to wash up and get his unwelcome emotions back under control. Cram them back into the little box he imagined held all the things he didn’t want to deal with.

Lately, the damned lid wouldn’t stay closed.

When he reentered the kitchen, Cody was seated at the table. The little boy brightened and slid off his chair when he saw Josh. “Daddy!”

“Hey, big guy.” Josh bent and pulled his son to him. The boy’s skinny arms went around his neck and squeezed. Josh closed his eyes. He made the choices he did for Cody. It’d serve him well to remember that. “When we sit down, you can tell me all about your day, okay?”

Maggie set a plate at Cody’s spot. “You’re all set, Cody. I’ll bring you some milk in a second. Josh, I’ll get your plate now.” She turned to go back into the kitchen.

He couldn’t let her do that. He caught her wrist, felt the warmth of her skin through the fabric of her navy turtleneck. God, her bones were small. His fingers circled her wrist. She looked up at him, surprise on her face. “I’ll get my own,” he said, his voice a little rough in his throat.

“Um, well. Okay. I don’t mind, though.” She glanced down at her arm, still in his hand. He let go quickly, aware he’d held on to her a little too long.

Damn.

He filled a plate and sat down across from Cody, Maggie at his right. Not close enough to touch, but near enough that he was very aware of her presence. As he picked up his fork, one more thought in the guilt brigade hit him.

More often than not, he and Lucy hadn’t eaten together. Other than holidays, he couldn’t think of a single meal they’d shared with Cody that first year. He’d been too busy, or she’d been too angry. His appetite vanished.

“Josh? Is something wrong with the food?” Maggie’s voice cut into his pity party. He looked up to see the concern on her face. He immediately felt bad. It wasn’t fair to her for him to vanish down the mine-filled road of his past. He shook his head.

“No. Not at all. It smells amazing.” He took a bite. Tasted that way, too. “So, Cody, what did you do today?”

Cody filled Josh in on his day. It seemed to him Maggie and his son had done all right. It took the little boy a while to warm up to people, but once he did he was a completely different child. Josh had a feeling Maggie would be seeing that kid soon.

“C’n I be ’scused?” Cody asked.

“Sure,” Josh said. “Take your plate into the kitchen first. Be very careful.”

“I will,” Cody promised. Josh hid a grin as his son walked slowly around the table, his concentration on the plate and the utensils on it. A few seconds later he heard the clatter of the plate going in the sink. Maggie’s eyes widened.

“I did it, Daddy!” Cody called. “C’n I go play now?”

Josh grinned at Maggie, who smiled back. “Yep.”

“Yes!” And Cody was gone, all pumping legs and thumping stairs.

“We’ve got the clear-the-table part down pretty good,” Josh said as he rose from his chair. “It’s the delivery to the sink that we need to work on.”

Maggie laughed. The clear, light sound floated over him, an unexpected balm to his frazzled emotions. “So I see.” She pushed her chair back. “I’ll take care of this.”

He went to lay a hand on her arm, changed his mind. Better not to touch her. “I’ll clean it up, Maggie,” he said, but she shook her head. “Then let me help,” he insisted as he gathered up dishes. “It’s the least I can do. You rinse, I load.”

She worried her lower lip for a second, then he saw her cave. “All right. Thank you. As long as you know it’s not necessary.”

“No thanks needed. It’s the least I can do,” he repeated.

In the kitchen, he rolled up his shirtsleeves and held out his hand for the first item. She handed him a plate.

“Cody seemed to have a good day,” he said.

She nodded as she scraped the next dish. “Oh, he did. He’s not too sure of me yet, but he’s very sweet and wants to please. We’ll get there. I’m not worried.”

Josh slid a bowl into place. Something in her tone said she thought otherwise. “He can be shy. He’ll come around.”

“Of course he will. We didn’t go out much today because I was trying to give him a little space. You know, to get used to me being in Mrs. Herman’s place.”

Worry zinged through him. “Was there something you needed that you couldn’t get? You could have called me.”

Her head came up, surprise in her blue eyes. Their color was nearly the same as Cody’s. “Oh, no, Josh. We were fine. And your mom checked in on us, too, just in case. I won’t bother you at work unless it’s an emergency. I know how busy you are.”

A bit of the scene with Julie flashed through his mind, only this time Maggie sat on the exam table in a short skirt and a come-hither look. His groin tightened at the possibilities.

For that, he’d have locked the door.

“Josh?” Amusement in her voice sliced across his fantasy, and he cleared his throat.

“I am busy. Most days are pretty crazy. But not so much so that if you guys are stuck somehow you can’t call me.” Why was it so important that she know she could get him if she needed him? Because Lucy had complained so often that he was constantly unavailable when she needed something?

Because he wanted Maggie to think better of him than his wife ever had?

Maggie held out the last pan. “Don’t worry, Josh. If I need you, I’ll call.” Her words and their double meaning hung in the air as her fingers touched his when he took the pan. Heat arced between them with the intensity of a live wire. His gaze caught hers for a heartbeat, before alarm sprang into her eyes. She quickly backed up, grabbed a washcloth and started swabbing the counter. He concentrated on fitting the last pan into place and closed the dishwasher, wondering how to break the suddenly awkward silence. What the hell was going on with him?

Maggie rinsed and folded the cloth, then draped it on the faucet. Not looking at him, she said, “If you don’t need anything, I think I’ll head upstairs. Do you need me to put Cody to bed?”

Josh shook his head. “As long as I don’t get called, I’ll do it.”

She nodded. “Okay, then. Good night.”

She turned and moved toward the stairs, her back perfectly straight. He doubted she’d take it too kindly if he swept her off her feet and carried her upstairs.

Tonight, anyway.

* * *

Shoving Josh and the kitchen weirdness out of her mind, Maggie paused in Cody’s doorway. He didn’t see her. With his back to her and his attention on his Matchbox cars, she figured she could drive a train through there and he wouldn’t notice.

“Cody.” He whipped his head around so hard his curls lifted and settled. “What are you playing?”

He poked at a fire truck. Paused for a moment. “Fireman.”

“Ahhh.” She leaned on the door frame. “Do you want to be a fireman someday?”

Cody shrugged, then nodded.

“That’s good. Firemen help people.”

“An’ they drive big trucks,” Cody observed, lifting one and studying it with one eye open.

Maggie hid a smile. Trust a kid to get to the heart of the matter. “That they do.”

He returned to playing with his toys and she watched for a minute. The conversation was clearly over, but she loved the fact they’d actually had one. She slipped out of the room and into her own across the hall.

She closed the door and let her head fall against it with a soft thunk.

Holy cow. She’d had her first day as a nanny. As Cody’s nanny.

While he wasn’t too sure of her yet, she had to believe they’d get there. Josh seemed to think the little boy would come around soon enough.

Josh. A little shiver ran down up her spine. She needed to watch herself around him, make sure she hid the attraction she felt. Maybe it was just the fact he was a nice guy and loved his son—so different from her ex.

That was it. It had to be.

It couldn’t be anything more.

Chapter Three

To distract herself, Maggie grabbed her cell off the nightstand, plopped in one of the chairs and dialed her best friend’s number.

“Maggie!” Kerry didn’t even bother with hello. “How did it go?”

Maggie filled her friend in on her day. “He needs to warm up to me still. He misses his old nanny a lot,” she finished.

“Of course he does,” Kerry agreed. “Poor little guy. He’s been through so much.”

“I know. It will take some time but he’ll adjust,” Maggie said, echoing what she’d told Josh earlier in the day. “Josh said he’s a little shy.”

Something in her tone gave her away. “Really,” Kerry said, drawing out the word. “Josh, huh? Tell me about him.”

Maggie mentally kicked herself for even getting into this. She stood up, walked to the sliding doors, her gaze on the pine trees in the backyard. The faint scent of burning leaves lingered on the breeze as she slid the door open. “There’s not much to tell. As far as I can tell, he works hard and he adores his son.”

“Sounds perfect,” Kerry teased. “Is he hot?”

“Kerry! He’s my boss.” She kept her voice low, even though Josh wasn’t likely to overhear.

Her friend sighed, all signs of teasing gone. “I know. I’m sorry. That didn’t go so well for you last time.”

“You could say that,” she murmured, thinking of the baby that wasn’t hers. “But I’d never get involved with him,” she added. “It’d be way too weird and anyway, I’m here for Cody.”

“So he is attractive,” Kerry said.

An understatement, that. Maggie’s fingers still tingled where they’d touched his. She curled her hand tighter around the phone. “Well, yeah. In a generic kind of way. You know. Not personally. To me.” She rolled her eyes. She sounded a little too casual, even to her own ears.

Kerry paused and Maggie held her breath. “I see. Well, that’s good. You don’t want a repeat of Tony.”

She exhaled. “God knows that’s true. I’m here in a professional capacity, period. Cody is my focus.”

No matter how unexpectedly attractive his father was.

“Of course he is,” Kerry agreed. “Did you learn anything about Lucy?”

Kerry’s question caused Maggie’s conscience to give her jab. “No. Not yet. I don’t feel comfortable bringing her up yet.” It seemed like Josh should be the one to start that particular conversation. Maggie wasn’t sure she could bring up Lucy and not blurt out the truth. Soon, but not yet. She wanted to let everything settle first and be sure it wouldn’t be too hard on Josh and Cody to tell them who she was. It wasn’t ideal, but she couldn’t see another way to protect them.

“It’s early,” Kerry murmured. “I’m sure you’ll get the chance. In the meantime, keep your eyes peeled for a good guy. Not all men are like Tony.”

Maggie thought of Brian, her best friend’s husband. “Of course they’re not. You’ve got a good one.”

Kerry laughed. “Oh, yes, I do. I really do. And we’ll get you a good one, too. Trust me.”

Maggie made a little humming noise. “We’ll see. I’m sure not going to find him here. Holden’s Crossing seems pretty small. I’m guessing the good ones are taken already. But I’m not in the market anyway.” After her marriage, it seemed prudent to avoid all things commitment-related.

“Maybe, maybe not. Don’t let Tony win,” Kerry ordered. “Make sure it’s because it’s what you want. If you give up on all this, on ever being happy or a family of your own, you’ve let him win. He doesn’t get to ruin your life.”

Again. The unspoken word echoed in Maggie’s head. She swiped at her now-moist eyes. “You’re absolutely right. He doesn’t. I’ll keep my options open.”

They chatted a few more minutes, then hung up. Maggie snapped her phone shut as Cody caught her attention, racing into the backyard with his dad behind him. Cody held a soccer ball, which he dropped on the ground and kicked toward his dad. His little-boy laugh floated in through the door. Josh kicked the ball back, then looked up. He waved. Caught, she couldn’t exactly duck out of sight so she fluttered her fingers back.

“You play?” he called, and Maggie opened the door farther so she could step out on the balcony into the wood smoke–scented twilight. She crossed over to the railing and leaned on it, the wood cool through her sleeves.