Tempted By The Single Mum

Liar.

He sighed again, sipped the chamomile tea and pulled a face. The tea was the last thing he wanted, but he had no idea where he’d put the bottle of single malt he kept for the times when he wanted to drown his sorrows and wallow in self-pity, and maybe that was just as well.

He had a lot to do tomorrow, and he needed to spend Sunday resting or his hip and ankle were going to give him hell.

He got to his feet, went back down to the kitchen, poured the tea down the sink and went to bed.

Just because the damage was already done, the children were saints on Monday morning, and she dropped them off at nursery and walked into the practice at ten past eight with plenty of time to prepare for her morning surgery.

She’d vowed not to drive so that Nick could have the parking space, this time without argument, and there was no sign of his car as she arrived. How gratifying—

‘Morning!’

He appeared at the top of the stairs as she put her foot on the bottom step, and she couldn’t help the wry smile.

‘Your car isn’t here. I thought I’d beaten you to it.’

His mouth kicked up, and she felt a strange sensation in her chest, a weird flutter that brought a tiny glow with it. What was it about that smile that it seemed to light up the corners of her heart?

‘Sorry to disappoint. I’ve been here since half seven. Lucy and Julia came in early so they could talk me through my day. It’s looking busy already.’

‘It will be. It’s always busy. Have you had a cup of tea?’

‘No, I’ve had coffee, but the kettle’s hot. I’ll be up again in a minute.’

She nodded and headed up, passing him on the stairs. Wasn’t that supposed to be unlucky? Except that the stairs were wide and she’d hardly felt the brush of his arm against hers.

Even so, it had left a little tingle in its wake—or was that the fresh scent of soap or shower gel that lingered in the air? She recognised it from Friday, when they’d been seated side by side at Andy and Lucy’s table, and again when he’d kissed her as he’d left. Not aftershave or cologne, more subtle than that, but it had made her want to rest her head against his chest and breathe him in—

Pull yourself together! You’ve got work to do. Enough of the daydreaming and fantasy. He’s just a colleague.

And if she told herself that often enough, maybe it’d sink in. She made a cup of tea, took it down to her consulting room and logged into her computer, and there was a tap on the door.

‘Come in!’

It was Nick, sticking his head round the door with a serious look on his face. ‘Have you got two minutes? One of your patients is down to see me and he’d rather see you, apparently, only your list is full. James Golding?’

‘Oh, Jim. Yes, of course I can see him. He’s a dear old boy and he never makes a fuss. He’s had a triple bypass but he still gets angina from time to time, so it might be that. I’ll get Katie to swap it over.’

‘OK. I think he might be here already, actually.’

‘Sounds likely. I’ll see him now. You could take my first patient, if you like. I have no idea who they are so there’s no continuity of care issue.’

‘Done. I’ll see Katie. Thanks.’

‘Don’t thank me. I’d rather see Mr Golding myself because there must be something going on. He doesn’t like to make a fuss, so I’ll check him over thoroughly.’

‘Good. Thanks. See you later, maybe.’

They shared a smile, and she went out into the waiting room and spotted Jim Golding, tucked into the corner with his hands knotted round the handle of his walking stick. She went over and perched beside him.

‘Morning, Jim. I gather you wanted to see me?’ she murmured, and he looked up and gave her a weary smile.

‘They said you were busy,’ he said, his voice distressed.

‘No. We’ve swapped. You’re with me. Do you want to come now?’

Not that she really had time, because there was always a ton of admin to do before she could start and it was going to put her behind, but there was something about the cautious way he stood up that set alarm bells ringing.

‘No rush,’ she said gently, and ushered the frail, elderly man into her consulting room and settled him in the chair. ‘So, Jim, tell me what’s going on.’

‘How was he?’

Ellie put her cup down with a plonk next to the kettle, not sure where to start, and he got up and went over to her.

‘Ellie? What’s up?’

She pulled a face. ‘I’m not sure. He said he was OK but he’d had a twinge or two, so I’ve sent him to see Megan for a twelve-lead ECG and a raft of bloods. Just to be on the safe side. He also wanted me to draw up a DNAR.’

‘Really?’

She nodded. ‘Yes, and I don’t like it. I think there’s something going on that he hasn’t told me. Gut instinct?’

He gave a soft huff of laughter. ‘Yeah, I know the feeling. Sometimes I hate my gut.’

‘Don’t hate it. Trust it. I trust mine and it’s giving me grief right now.’

His mouth kicked up into a fleeting smile. ‘You could be being overcautious.’

Or not, as it turned out, because when she was back in her consulting room wading through test results, she heard a yell and went out to find Nick on his knees in the corridor, bent over Mr Golding.

‘What’s happened?’

‘I don’t know. An MI, maybe? We need to move him and repeat the ECG. Oh, hang on. No, no, no, no, don’t do this!’

She turned back to find Nick had the elderly man’s shirt open and was listening to his chest.

‘Anything?’

He shook his head and started doing chest compressions. ‘No. He’s arrested. Can you call an ambulance?’

‘No. Nick, stop.’ She dropped to her knees beside him and covered his hands with her own, stilling them. ‘He’s got a DNAR, remember? He signed it before he went in with Megan. We can’t resuscitate him and I wouldn’t want to. His wife died last year, he’s really struggled without her. He doesn’t want this.’

‘Is it in his notes?’

‘Yes. I put it on the computer, and we have the physical document on file. He signed it in front of witnesses.’

His hands slowly lifted, and he stared down at the man for a long moment before he shut his eyes and sat back on his heels.

‘We need to close off the corridor and move him somewhere until they get here to take him away. I’ll do that, you call the office and get an ambulance.’

She nodded, went back into her surgery and asked Katie to call an ambulance, and then left a message on Jim’s daughter’s voicemail asking her to call. She ought to call in her next patient, there was no time to grieve for the patient she’d grown very fond of over the past few months, but somehow her heart was heavy and she just needed a moment...

Something splashed on her hand and she swiped it away, and then she heard her door open and she turned, as Nick’s arms closed around her.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t save him,’ he murmured, the sound echoing through his chest under her ear.

She shook her head and eased away a little, feeling suddenly awkward. ‘Don’t be. It’s what he wanted. I just wish I could have done more to help him.’

He let go of her, one hand coming up to wipe a tear gently from her cheek. ‘You helped him get what he wanted in the end, Ellie. He went very quickly, and he wasn’t distressed. I think he knew what was happening.’

She nodded, hauled in a breath and straightened up, blew her nose and tried to smile. ‘We aren’t supposed to get involved.’

‘No. We’re not.’ But his smile said it all, and with a quick check to make sure she was really OK, he went back to his patients and left her to deal with Mr Golding’s daughter.

‘I’m sorry you lost a patient on your first day. Are you OK?’

He looked up into Ellie’s concerned eyes, closed the file he was working on, shut the lid of his laptop and stood up. ‘I’m fine, Ellie. It happens, people reach the end of the road, and anyway he wasn’t my patient. How about you? Are you OK?’

‘Yes, I’m fine,’ she said, but he wasn’t convinced.

‘You’re working late tonight.’

She shook her head. ‘No. I always do an evening surgery on Mondays. It’s a busy day but I’m done now. I’m glad I caught you, though. I spoke to Mr Golding’s daughter and broke the news, and she rang back later after she’d been to see him to thank us for looking after him and for letting him go when we did. Apparently he’d rung her and said I was making him have all sorts of silly tests, but I’d been really kind so he was indulging me.’

‘Do you know what he said to me, when I found him on the floor? “Oh, dear, I’m making such a fuss.”’

She swallowed, as if she had a lump in her throat, and let out a soft laugh—to diffuse her emotions, maybe?

‘That’s so typical. He was such a gentleman,’ she murmured, and her wistful smile warmed something deep inside him and made him want to hold her again, because frankly that tiny hug this morning for a sad colleague had been nothing like enough.

‘Do you have to collect the children?’

‘No. Liz takes them back to mine and gets them ready for bed.’

‘I’ll walk you home then. I’m done now.’

She hesitated, then nodded and gave him a weary smile.

‘OK. But just to the end of your road. I’ll walk the rest of the way on my own.’

‘Because you don’t want your mother-in-law getting ideas?’

She laughed, probably because he’d hit the nail right on the head. ‘Something like that. And anyway, you don’t need to be exposed to the monsters at the end of the day. They can be pretty grim when they’re tired.’

He smiled and shook his head, not in the least concerned about the children, or the mother-in-law, come to that. And anyway, he had to get home.

‘Don’t worry about it. I need to get back to the dog anyway.’

‘Dog?’ Her eyes widened in surprise. ‘I didn’t know you had a dog. You said you didn’t have any commitments.’

His smile felt a little off kilter. ‘I didn’t, not until yesterday when my parents delivered him. He’s my brother’s dog.’

‘Your brother’s? So how come you’ve got him?’

He looked away so she couldn’t read his eyes. ‘He died last year,’ he said economically, and felt the usual sick feeling in the pit of his stomach.

‘Oh, Nick, I’m so sorry. I had no idea.’

Her voice was filled with compassion and it choked him for a moment so he picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder as they headed down the stairs.

‘No reason why you should have known,’ he said. ‘Anyway, Rufus kind of adopted me while it was all going on, and he’s been pining for me since I left last week, apparently, so I said I’d have him. They’ve been in Kettering with my sister, so they just popped over for the afternoon and dropped him off.’

He held the door for her, and then fell into step beside her.

‘So what is Rufus?’ she asked.

‘Cavalier King Charles spaniel. He’s a nice little thing, and very placid. He spent most of his life on Samuel’s bed, and he used to let us know when he was about to have a seizure, which was totally unexpected and incredibly useful.’

‘Was he a trained seizure alert dog, then?’

He shook his head. ‘No. He had no training at all, and he was chronically disobedient, but he just latched onto Sam and he was amazing with him. He really calmed him, and even when Sam didn’t recognise us any more he knew Rufus.’

‘Poor dog. He must have been gutted when your brother died.’

He swallowed and drew in a long breath. ‘Yeah,’ he said, and left it at that, mainly because he couldn’t say any more. How could it still feel so raw, over a year later?

‘What had happened to him? To Samuel?’

He shrugged. ‘He was born with very complex needs. Nobody could say why, but he was very compromised in all sorts of ways, and my parents’ lives revolved around him for thirty-eight years.’ And not just their lives. His, too, but that was another matter.

And there was that lump in his throat again, which didn’t get any better when she rested her hand lightly on his arm.

‘I’m so sorry.’

He nodded, and kept walking, and then they were at the end of his road and he slowed to a halt and smiled at her.

‘Right, this is me. I take it you can find the way from here?’

She rolled her eyes at him, then cocked her head on one side and studied him thoughtfully. ‘Are you OK?’

‘Yes, of course I am. Why shouldn’t I be?’

Her smile was tender and nearly pushed him over the edge. ‘Because you’re sad?’

He was. Sad, and guilty, because there’d been an element of relief when Sam had finally slipped away and he’d been free of the burden, and he was filled with shame about that.

He found a smile and pinned it on. ‘I’m fine, Ellie. Will I see you tomorrow?’

She nodded. ‘I work Monday, Tuesday and Friday.’

‘I’ll have the kettle on for you,’ he promised, and her mouth curved into a grin, and she went up on tiptoe and brushed a kiss on his cheek.

‘You do that. Take care, Nick. I’ll see you tomorrow,’ she murmured, and turned and walked away, leaving him feeling oddly—lonely? He watched her till she was out of sight, and then let himself into his house and went to find Rufus.

He wasn’t hard to find. The little dog was curled up in his bed in the hall beside the boxes of Samuel’s possessions, and he lifted his head and wagged his tail in greeting, his eyes huge and sad as ever.

‘Hi, little guy,’ he said gently, his voice gruff and scratchy, and as he crouched down Rufus got to his feet, put his paws on his chest, whined softly and licked his face.

‘I’m sorry, mate. I’m a pretty poor substitute, aren’t I?’ he murmured gruffly, but Rufus wagged his tail and sat down, looking hopeful.

He gave the little dog another stroke, straightened up and went into the kitchen, hauling in a long breath. ‘Come on, then, little man. Let’s find some supper, and then you need a walk, and we’ll see if we can find something nice on the telly later, shall we?’ he murmured, and Rufus followed him, tail wafting gently, his mournful eyes fixed on Nick’s every move.

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