How to Bake a New Beginning

Levi was one to keep an eye on; though an absolute sweetheart, his charm, undeniable good looks and five-star flirting abilities could often lead to trouble. Sabrina had assured Amanda that she would be professional and always do right by the boys. Sabrina had been their big break, but they had also been her saving grace and she wasn’t about to screw it up. But there were times when keeping things professional was exhausting.

She enjoyed the banter between her and Levi and his playful nature so much. She found that with him she gave as good as she got. Sabrina hadn’t told her sisters about the night she and Levi had kissed. She had worried that it would further cement Louisa’s theory that her life was perfect. Though she ultimately knew her baby sister would be happy for her, she hadn’t wanted to add to her ammo for teasing her.

Furthermore, after Amanda’s last break-up Sabrina was all about encouraging Amanda to face her fears and not be afraid of love. Sabrina hadn’t wanted to confide in her big sister that she had run from Levi and her own feelings like a coward. It would set a bad example.

‘You do realize I have been in the country for over twenty-four hours and you are just asking me that question now. Is everything OK?’ Sabrina asked, Amanda’s fast-talking and intense gaze not going unnoticed.

‘Oh no, you haven’t broken up, have you?’ Louisa chimed in, picking at a piece of sfogliatelle they had brought back from the Christmas Markets. Sabrina cringed, wishing Louisa could read Amanda’s body language as well as she could. There were times to approach this subject with Amanda and tonight was not one of those times.

Amanda’s eyes grew narrow. ‘How many times do I have to tell you, Lou? You can’t break up with someone you’re not dating!’ Amanda said, her tone unfriendly. She rested her head back on her cushion and closed her eyes tight for a few moments.

‘Well how many times do we have to tell you, Amanda? You can’t just be friends with your soulmate,’ Louisa replied copying Amanda’s sarcastic and mean tone while using air quotes at the mention of ‘friends’.

‘Whatever, Lou. Everything’s fine – just wondered that’s all. The question slipped my mind for a few days, no big deal. You actually get to see him every day, so I just thought I’d check in as per usual, make sure he’s not giving you a hard time,’ Amanda said, absent-mindedly picking at a piece of basil on the top of her fifth pizza slice.

‘You know as well as I do that Dan couldn’t give anyone a hard time. He’s awesome, Amanda. I love working with them. The past two and a half years have been incredible,’ Sabrina said, eyeing up her sister, deciding whether she could push this topic further tonight and figure out what was bothering her.

Louisa had no filter when it came to pushing Amanda’s buttons about Dan, whereas Sabrina tried to be more tactful. Over the years, both she and Louisa had asked on many occasions why Amanda and Dan weren’t a couple. Neither the naive nor tactful approach had been very successful. The first year or two Amanda seemed perplexed by this question, genuinely confused as to how they could ask such a thing, so they had backed off. Amanda was happy, focused and more herself than they had ever seen her, and Sabrina and Louisa had concluded that whatever their relationship status was, they should just let it be – if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it.

Gradually, though, Sabrina could see a flicker of sadness in Amanda’s eyes when she talked about Dan. After hours on the phone you could sense that she missed him and longed for more. Dan always asked about Amanda; in fact it had become routine. Whenever he entered Sabrina’s office he greeted her with a cheery hello and ‘How’s Amanda?’ before settling in to talk about work. Of course, Amanda did the very same with every Skype call or visit, always asking about Dan. It was frustrating and rather baffling to Sabrina that they couldn’t see what was in front of them, but she had faith that it would work out if it was meant to be.

‘Good to know,’ came Amanda’s response before she dug her spoon into the Nutella jar and took a huge scoop. Putting it to her mouth, she grinned at her sisters, clearly indicating she didn’t want to continue talking about Dan and most definitely looking like some sort of crazy chocolate fiend. Sabrina got the message and settled back against her pillow and blanket fort.

‘Speaking of working, do you actually get much work done when Levi’s around?’ Louisa asked Sabrina, her face creasing into a coy grin.

‘You sure are on a roll tonight with these questions, aren’t you?’ Sabrina said, grabbing a pillow and launching it at her little sister. ‘Right, no more boy talk unless we are talking about the American dream; plus, I don’t think I’m Levi’s type.’ She shrugged.

‘Aha, so you admit to liking him?’ Louisa said bouncing up off the couch.

Sabrina couldn’t help smiling at her. Louisa wanted everyone to be happy. She loved love and believed in it with all her heart. It was incredibly endearing, if not a little annoying at times like this. Sabrina knew she should tell her sisters about her and Levi, but there was that niggling fear in the back of her mind. She didn’t want to be a hypocrite where Amanda was concerned, and she didn’t want Louisa to slip up and expose her feelings to Levi. Her baby sister could be sneaky like that; love was simple in Louisa’s eyes.

‘I didn’t say that – I just said that I don’t think I’m his type anyway,’ Sabrina replied, reaching for the Nutella jar before flashbacks of Levi and Lydia appeared in her mind from the night before she left LA.

‘You two are unbelievable,’ Louisa shouted as she made a huge deal of standing up on the couch. ‘You know I’m not so sure either of you would remember to invite me to the meet and greet should you ever stumble upon Captain America himself.’ Louisa was staring off into the distance, waving her arms around, bouncing from one sofa cushion to the next. She was now practically performing some sort of lonely, depressing monologue as though she had just taken centre stage.

‘I think you may have even secretly already met him and failed to mention it to me, because you both love secrets and don’t like telling me anything. If I had boys like Dan and Levi in my midst I sure wouldn’t play all these games,’ she said, exasperated and now staring her sisters down. ‘Sabrina, you have an amazing job, where you get to go to all these fancy parties and rub elbows with celebrities galore. You’re kicking arse with the world’s hottest rock band and you are beautiful. If you like Levi, go for it and tell him. Then, not only will you have a glamorous, perfect job, but you will also get to go home to a rock god who’s good with his hands. What more could you possibly want?’

‘Louisa!!!!’ Sabrina shouted, gobsmacked and embarrassed by her little sister’s choice of words, but Louisa wasn’t done yet.

‘And, you.’ Louisa pointed at Amanda, whose eyes were slightly narrowed, with a hint of a smirk playing at her lips, her head tilted to one side, gently warning Louisa to tread carefully, but Louisa wasn’t fazed. ‘Dan isn’t like your ex – aliens in outer space can see that – and if you are speaking the honest to goodness truth when you tell us that you don’t see him as anything more than a friend, then you need to start dating again … properly – no one-night stands, no too busy with work, no excuses, because what, or more importantly, who are you waiting for?’

Louisa finished and sat back down on the couch. Sabrina looked at her not quite knowing what to say. Amanda brushed a hand through her long wavy brown mane. Her eyes were still squinted, like she was thinking. There was a tension in the room that hadn’t been there mere minutes ago. The girls were typical siblings and rows and arguments broke out occasionally.

Sabrina could feel the heat from Louisa. It seemed something had irked her, maybe something at work, maybe a boy, or maybe she really was on to something. It made Sabrina feel silly. She was supposed to be the older sister offering advice to Louisa, but she didn’t have a clue what she was doing with Levi; furthermore, she felt slightly irritated that Louisa always thought it so simple. And, had Louisa not piped up again about how glamorous Sabrina’s life was, maybe Sabrina would have chosen to do what she always did and keep the conversation light and playful, but she was getting a bit fed up.

The tension lingered over the room for a few moments before Sabrina spoke up. ‘My life is far from glamorous, Lou. I wish you would stop saying that.’ Sabrina played with a tassel on the corner of the cushion she was holding. ‘I worked bloody hard to get where I am now, and even that took luck and a whole lot of help from Amanda. I deal with criticism and a fire-breathing dragon of a boss every day. The parties are rare and even they come with a barrel of paperwork and stress. I know I’m lucky, but it’s not for lack of work.’ Sabrina didn’t want to sound harsh, but she needed her baby sister to lay off on the comments about her unbelievably flawless lifestyle.

Louisa tilted her head back against the couch cushion and took a deep breath. ‘It must be pretty close to perfection if it keeps you away from us eleven months out of the year,’ she muttered.

‘It’s work, Lou, and it’s my dream. I don’t like being away, but if I remember correctly at one point in time we were all pretty supportive of each other following our dreams. Just because you couldn’t handle London, where might I add, I think you would have done amazingly had you persisted, doesn’t mean I should give up on LA.’

The words sounded harsher than Sabrina had intended, but it was all coming out now. Though she knew all too well the pain of missing home, Sabrina was also aware of how talented her younger sister was, and she had hated hearing that she had left university after only a few months. However, she had kept her thoughts to herself.

Now that they were getting into the nitty-gritty of their arguing, the words burst out before she could stop them. ‘You could, and should, be doing so much with your designs, instead of working a nine to five reception job you hate. Yes, I live far away, but I don’t believe I’ve been a bad sister. I keep up with you all the time and I think you could have done that too. I think you gave up too easily.’ Sabrina was looking at Louisa now, feeling more determined, like she had wisdom to impart and her baby sister wasn’t the only one who could fire on all cylinders. Amanda remained silent.

‘I didn’t give up, I prioritized what was more important,’ Louisa said firmly, her head still tilted to the ceiling. Her words were now coming out calmly but remained unkind, like she still couldn’t accept Sabrina being away, yet Sabrina knew it was justified. She knew her sister was torn. No matter what Louisa said, Sabrina would still be going back to LA in a few days and there was nothing she could do about it. Sabrina felt a sharp stab of sadness in her gut. She understood that her sister simply missed her, but she didn’t think it fair of her to be so unsupportive and mean.

‘My family is important to me too,’ Sabrina said, faintly. It hurt her that Louisa could think otherwise.

At their final exchange Amanda cleared her throat. ‘As entertaining as you two are, I’m missing all the good bits in this movie that I’ve only seen twenty times, and if you don’t start watching it I might have to play it again from the beginning, so I can better understand how Chris Evans just got naked.’ Amanda looked at them both and threw them each a Baci, before pointing to the screen with a raise of her eyebrows.

Both Sabrina and Louisa caught the chocolate treats with twinning smiles and rolls of the eyes at their big sister, yet they didn’t care to look at each other.

***

‘This pizza is out of this world, Amanda,’ Sabrina said, breaking the silence and taking another slice, now craving savoury after the sweetness of the Baci. ‘Do you have the recipe written somewhere? I can’t think of where I put mine.’

‘It’s over there,’ Amanda replied pointing lazily in the direction of the bookshelf and to the book on the right of the top shelf. Sabrina followed her finger and nodded.

‘I need to learn how to make it,’ Louisa piped up. The tension from before had begun to ease, as the sisters brushed the conflict under the rug. It would pop up again and they would address it when the time was right.

‘I chatted to Grandpa today about making some stuff while he had us all together. He wanted to make you lasagna while you’re home, and I’m pretty sure he had more yeast prepping in the kitchen when we were there this morning.’

‘When does he not have yeast prepping?’ Louisa said, and all the girls let out a chuckle. There was always something being prepped in their grandpa’s kitchen.

‘We can go tomorrow morning and make it with him and you can practise,’ Amanda continued, sitting up a little straighter on the couch and grabbing her glass of water.

‘Found it,’ Sabrina shouted, flicking through Amanda’s recipe book on her way back to the couch. Louisa scooted up and Sabrina sat down next to her, as though no argument had ever occurred.

‘This is awesome, Amanda. I have recipes and notes here and there but never thought to do this.’ Louisa turned each page of the book in awe. Sabrina knew that over the years, Amanda had been writing down and trying to collect every recipe she had ever eaten or made at their grandparents’ house, but she didn’t know she had been placing them safely in a book. The recipes meant a lot to all the girls, but they were incredibly special to Amanda. Each recipe told a story, shared a memory from the girls’ childhood, and any spare moment her sister could grab she spent in her kitchen trying to perfect them.

It was one thing to just follow a recipe, but it was a completely different thing making something from the heart and truly capturing the tastes and smells that Nanna and Grandpa were famous for. Sabrina knew that much – she had tried many herself, but she was no cook. Amanda could capture their creations to a T.

Sabrina and Louisa sat in silence, mesmerized, simply reading. Amanda had included notes and quotes from their nonni and written down certain childhood memories that the recipes brought back, some Sabrina had forgotten. Sabrina couldn’t believe it; the book was phenomenal.

‘Aha, “Grandpa’s Pizza”,’ Louisa said, reading the title aloud, pointing at the words on the page and tapping her forefinger against it.

‘Erm, I might need a touch more detail – you know if you want the pizza to be cooked and edible.’ Sabrina looked over at Amanda. ‘Ahem, add sauce and cheese like Grandpa does …’ she read aloud. ‘You always had a way with words.’

Amanda turned to face them, moving her blanket with her. Sabrina watched her with a new sense of pride. At that moment, Sabrina felt incredibly grateful for her sister’s passion. This book represented their family. It was their childhood, their lives; it embodied amazing food and a love for those you were making it for.

Louisa was still going through each page carefully. ‘The thing is,’ Amanda said, speaking softly now, meeting Sabrina’s gaze, ‘you have to make it with him. Then you don’t really need notes, you just watch what he does, and you do it. You’ve done it before, Brina, you have it in you, you just need to practise,’ she finished with a smile.

‘This book is beautiful, Amanda, it really is,’ Sabrina said, trying not to get soppy on her big sister. ‘You know, this is the kind of thing you need to be putting on your blog, including stories with your recipes.’

Sabrina watched her big sister shrug and shift uncomfortably in her chair. ‘I don’t think I’ll be keeping my blog. I don’t think it’s really for me,’ Amanda replied.

Sabrina couldn’t help but tut. Amanda had only started her blog ‘Mangia’ a couple of months ago, if that. It was beautifully designed, elegant meets rustic, homey and perfectly Italian. The posts Amanda had shared thus far had been great, but where her big sister aced nearly everything she set her mind to, the wonderful world of social media seemed to have her beat.

‘What did I tell you last week?’ Sabrina said, with a shake of her head. ‘It’s going to take time.’ She looked at Amanda and smirked. ‘And patience. Try acquiring some if you want it to succeed. It takes people months and years to build up blogs and social media; it doesn’t just happen overnight.’ Sabrina put extra emphasis on her last words.

It had taken her a good year to build her followers and show Lydia she had what it took to get likes and create a buzz. She didn’t care too much for this new popularity contest, but she also couldn’t argue with it either. Social media accounted for so much in her line of work and these days it could open doors of endless opportunity for people. ‘Keep working on it and putting yourself out there and it will happen.’

‘I am working on it, but it takes up so much time and sometimes I cook and forget to take pictures, or I’ve already taken a bite and ruin the shot. And I don’t understand all these SEOs and why people haven’t been commenting. I know the recipes are good, so why don’t people like them?’ Amanda moaned, took a sip of water and shrugged again.

Though listening to Amanda was frustrating, Sabrina could understand that it seemed the blog was messing with her sister’s confidence.

‘First off, stop whining. I just told you it will all take time and secondly, I understand you are busy and you like to eat what you bake, but you will figure it out if you want it to work,’ Sabrina said, trying to have an air of sympathy in her voice but failing. Her eyes stung from the jet lag now and she didn’t want to keep discussing the perils of social media. It could be rather draining trying to comprehend it all and she knew once Amanda figured it out, people would adore her blog. Amanda just had that charm about her.

‘I have to agree with Brina on that one. If you love what you are putting out into the world, which we know you do, and you want to share your recipes with everyone, just have fun with them. Don’t worry about those comments, Amanda – just do it for you. Don’t sit there thinking it’s going to happen over night, Ms Perfect,’ Louisa chimed in, chancing a sideways glance at Sabrina.

Sabrina offered a small smile, not wanting to stay mad at her baby sister for long. Louisa enjoyed social media and often shared her unique fashion sense with the world. Her pictures were creative, full of colour, and Sabrina hoped that the more her little sister’s followers grew, the more confidence it would give her to pursue her fashion dreams once more.

‘All right, all right, you two, no need to be so harsh. I get it,’ Amanda said, with just a small hint of irritation in her tone. ‘I’ll make you both a copy of the book if you’d like?’ she added, changing the subject and turning back around to face the TV. ‘Now, please, you are distracting me from Chris Evans.’

Louisa who had continued looking through the book, while imparting her sparing words of wisdom, placed the book carefully on the coffee table. Sabrina threw a pillow at Amanda’s head before she passed around the bowl of Cantuccini as they settled back down to finish the movie.

Just as Chris Evans and Anna Faris stripped off and jumped into the harbour, the phone rang with a shrill noise and Amanda reached out to grab it from the coffee table.

‘Hello, hey, Mum. How are you?’ she said cheerfully through snorts, putting the phone on speaker so they could all hear.

‘Are you girls free to come over?’ Her voice was low and shaky. Amanda shot up to her feet, her sisters following suit. This was far from their mum’s usual cheery hello. She always sounded so full of life, checking in on them when they were together. It made her happy knowing her girls were safe under one roof. She loved hearing them laughing with each other. But something was off and it unnerved Sabrina. The wave of anxiety that washed over her meant there was no time for questions.

‘We’ll be there as soon as we can, Mum,’ said Amanda.

‘Love you,’ they said in unison.

Chapter 4

Grandpa’s Pastina

Ingredients:

Orzo pasta, or any baby pasta (Judge amount based on how many people you are cooking for)

Celery

Onions

Peeled fresh tomatoes

Dialbrodo (Or any vegetable stock/broth, though this is the best)

Pepper

Olive oil

What to do:

Bring water to boil in pan. Add a drop of olive oil.

Add the celery, onion, tomato and stock. Let them boil together before adding the pasta.

Cook the pasta as packet suggests and add pepper to taste.

Louisa often saw the world through a rainbow of colour, always seeing the light in each day. Now as she raced through the front door of their grandparents’ house, a coldness coursed through her bones causing all colours to vanish. Her world appeared dark and fear overcame her. It was as though everything had come to a crashing halt.

‘Mum, what’s wrong?’ Louisa said. Fear made her breathing ragged and she was gasping from sprinting.

‘It’s Grandpa,’ Mum said, so faintly Louisa felt as though her heart stopped beating for a second. She buried her head in her hands. She willed her mum to say he was poorly, to tell her that the doctors were on their way and that Grandpa was just having a rough night, but her stomach twisted, and she immediately felt faint. The piercing pain in her chest already told her the words that were coming next, the magnitude of the impact they would have on her life causing her knees to go weak.

She felt her mum’s arms wrap round her, followed by her dad and her sisters, who had rushed in behind her. ‘He’s gone,’ Mum continued.

Louisa felt her body go limp, her legs unable to stay strong. She collapsed in a heap on the floor. ‘No, no, please, no, Mamma. He’s OK, I’ll go wake him up – he’ll be fine.’ Her body shook violently; tears gushed down her cheeks. She was screaming, and she didn’t know how to stop. ‘He can’t be gone, I need to speak to him.’ She felt her mum kneel beside her but couldn’t bring herself to uncurl from the fetal position in which she lay to look at her. She couldn’t control her tears; her jumper sleeves were wet through. ‘I’m sorry, Mum, I’m so sorry.’

Silence engulfed the room. Nothing could be heard except harsh intakes of breath and the muffled crying as tears flooded each face.

‘What are you saying sorry for, sweetheart? It’s OK,’ Mum whispered after a few minutes or more.

Her kind voice caused Louisa to inhale a painful breath. ‘I’m sorry for not being strong for you. I’m sorry.’ She buried her head in her mum’s shoulder.

‘Oh, sweetheart, it’s OK, it’s OK, it’s hard for us all,’ Mum replied, tears escaping her brave brown eyes. Louisa hugged her tight before opening her eyes to see Amanda and Sabrina with their heads tucked in against their dad’s shoulders. She loved her family – how they understood each other and how close they were.

‘We just saw him this morning, Dad. He was doing fine, he was happy and laughing,’ Sabrina stammered, barely audible. Louisa could hear her cries too.

‘I know, sweetheart, I know,’ Dad replied, sniffling. He gave Sabrina a kiss on the top of her head and wrapped his arms around her.

***

Amanda wanted to make a joke. She wanted to make everyone smile, to make everyone giggle the way Grandpa always did if someone was sad. But as she stood with her head on her dad’s shoulder, no jokes or funny comments were coming to her, just an overwhelming sense of grief. Her head was thumping, and her fists were clenched.

She wasn’t ready for this. She was ready to prepare the house for Christmas festivities, to make sure the kitchen was fully stocked with all the ingredients she and her grandpa would need for the chestnut pastries. She needed her grandpa to help her, to show her how it was done. She couldn’t make them as well as he did yet. She needed to watch him one more time, maybe even two or three to be the master chef that he was.