A Seaside Affair

‘I’d love to see it.’

She climbed the steps to the stage and he escorted her through the wings into an echoey corridor, down a short flight of steps that opened into a large space with doors leading off in all directions.

‘This was the green room. A great gathering place for before, after and during shows. All these doors surrounding us are dressing rooms.’ He led her to one where a star had once hung, leaving behind a faded imprint to prove its existence.

‘This was mine.’

He turned on a light switch and the room came to life. Turkey carpet on the floor. A huge cheval mirror in the corner. A rail holding two bent metal coat hangers with a shelf above for shoes or hats. A gilt mirror with at least a dozen light bulbs round it sat above an immaculate dressing table laid with several sticks of grease paint, a magnifying mirror, two silver-backed gentleman’s hair brushes and a small box labelled ‘moustaches’.

Brooke stepped into the room and ran her fingers over the make-up sticks. She turned to the old man. ‘Is this all yours?’

‘Yes.’ He looked at his feet, shame-faced. ‘I keep it here for old times’ sake. You must think I’m a silly old man.’

She shook her head. ‘Not at all. Who owns this theatre now? Why is it in such a state?’

‘The council own it. Always have. They’re selling it though. Soon it will be no more. That is what’s called progress. A few of us are banding together to fight for its survival, but I fear defeat is inevitable.’

‘Who’s buying it?’

‘Some coffee chain or other.’ He waved her to a chair and sat down to tell the whole story.

*

Helen was at home googling, trying to find out as much as possible about Colonel Stick aka Walter Irvine.

It seemed he had been born into a family where acting and music hall was in the blood. His father, Tommy Irvine, had been a well-known theatre manager and performer in his own time, best known for his ventriloquist act with an aristocratic, bad-tempered dummy called Claude. Tommy had famously retired from performing after Claude drunkenly insulted Queen Mary during a Royal Command Performance in 1931 and ventriloquist and dummy had to be bundled off the stage by Flanagan and Allen.

As a young man, Walter had carried on the family tradition. Thanks to his father, he knew many of the stars of the day, including Max Miller, but Walter didn’t confine himself to music hall alone. A comic actor of some talent, he appeared alongside some of the biggest stars of the fifties, featuring on the London stage as well as in productions with the RSC in Stratford-upon-Avon. With Miller’s help, he’d gone on to perfect his ‘Colonel Stick’ act, which had been a sell-out in theatres up and down the country. The Korean War had truncated his theatrical career, but he’d resurrected it on his return when he took up the job of theatre manager at the Pavilions. The sixties had been the theatre’s golden era, with big-name stars coming to Cornwall to perform, whether in comedy revues, musicals or Shakespearean drama. The list read like a Who’s Who of acting royalty: Dame Peggy Ashcroft, Richard Harris, Peter O’Toole …

According to his press cuttings, Walter Irvine had been one of the finest actors of his generation, as well as a highly regarded theatrical impresario. So why had he been so completely forgotten, even in Trevay?

Helen could find no answer online. There was no mention of his private life, even on Wikipedia, and she could find only a couple of passing references to his private film collection. It was as if Walter Irvine had vanished into a black hole once the Pavilions closed down.

Helen stretched and sighed. ‘I don’t suppose I’ll crack this in an afternoon,’ she said to herself. ‘Maybe I should pay him a visit?’

To distract herself she phoned her daughter-in-law, Terri. Helen had been thrilled that her son had found such a lovely wife, and even more thrilled when the newly weds announced that she was going to be a grandmother. Little Summer was a year old now and Helen was totally besotted with her.

Within minutes of Terri answering, the baby – who was sitting in her lap – began breathing heavily down the phone to Helen. She was just starting to talk. ‘Gan Gan,’ she said. ‘Gan, Gan.’ Terri prised the phone from her sticky little hands, laughing. ‘Gan Gan is you, Helen. We think it’s baby-speak for Grandma.’

‘Well, I like Gan Gan just fine.’

Helen couldn’t wait to tell Piran, who was fonder of his almost-step-granddaughter than he liked to let on. She went into the front garden to wait for him and deadhead the last of the roses. Dusk was settling and the lights of Pendruggan farmhouse twinkled at her from across the other side of the common.

The set of the latest Mr Tibbs episode stood in stark relief against the grey sky. Filming was due to begin any day now and the village was enjoying its claim to fame.

She drank in the cool, still air perfumed with the aroma of autumn leaves and sent up a prayer of thanks for this new chapter in her life. Her son happily married and doting dad to a healthy baby girl; her daughter Chloe had finally found her niche working for a charity that helped provide communities in the developing world with clean water, and it sounded as though she’d found love too, with a fellow aid worker. Helen was immensely proud of both of her children. She was quietly proud of herself too, especially now that her first column had appeared in the Cornish Guardian. It had been a bold step to end her marriage and start a new life in Cornwall, but she was glad she’d gathered up her courage and taken the plunge. She felt that she belonged in Pendruggan, and with Piran. Theirs was a comfortable arrangement; for all that he was quixotic, untameable and sometimes downright rude, she loved him. She had been a good wife to Gray, who had walked all over her and taken lovers the way an alcoholic helps himself to another drink. Piran on the other hand, had never let her down and she truly believed he never would.

*

Brooke was thrilled with her idea. Once she explained it to them, she was confident that Milo and the Café Au Lait people would be thrilled to. She was going to enlist their help in saving the Pavilions. They could have a small coffee shop bistro in one half of the foyer, while sponsoring great plays, concerts, summer seasons and pantomimes. She would star in many of the productions and Colonel Irvine would resurrect his Colonel Stick alter ego for special performances. The papers would love the story. Trevay was, after all, the St Tropez of Great Britain – Milo had told her so.

She sat in front of her dressing-table mirror, wearing a hotel bathrobe, and made her face up carefully. The smoky eyes, coral lips and tumble of blonde curls that were the trademark of Brooke Lynne looked happily back at her. Finally she was going to make her mark. Saviour of a provincial seaside theatre and a proper actress. She’d give her publicist a call in the morning.

Her room phone rang.

‘Brooke? It’s Milo. I’m just checking in downstairs. The Café Au Lait guys will be here in twenty minutes. You ready?’

‘Almost.’

‘What are you wearing?’

‘I’m not sure. Maybe a—’

She heard him tut. ‘I’ll come up and see to it you choose right. I’ll be there in two minutes.’

She pulled out a couple of simple dresses and put them on the bed. Nothing too revealing. This was a business meeting, after all.

She answered the door at his first knock and he pushed past her.

‘Cool room.’ He gave her a sweeping look from head to toe. ‘Nice make-up. Good girl. What have you got on under that robe?’

‘My underwear of course.’

‘Shame. Where are your clothes?’

She showed him the choices on the bed and he rejected them. ‘Too daytime. I need you to look glamorous. Sexy. What else you got?’

He chose the tight-fitting scarlet lace dress that she had planned to wear for the press launch the next day, impatiently dismissing her protests: ‘It doesn’t matter. You can wear it twice. We’ve got fifteen minutes before they arrive. I’ve told the front desk to send them straight up. We’ll have drinks here in the suite.’

‘OK.’ Brooke shrugged. To have the meeting in the privacy of the room would be a good idea. Then they could celebrate over supper in the dining room downstairs.

Milo was heading towards the door when a thought struck him. He turned and asked: ‘Shoes – what are you wearing?’

‘Stilettos?’

‘Perfect.’

*

Brooke looked in the long mirror and checked herself out. There was no doubt that this was the Brooke Lynne that Café Au Lait had hired. A blonde bombshell sex siren. She bent over to adjust her stockings and smooth the pile of her scarlet suede killer heels. ‘Good luck,’ she said to her reflection. ‘Tonight’s going to be a good night.’

She opened the door to Milo and two men in their forties both wearing sharp suits.

Milo kissed Brooke and introduced her. ‘Brooke, this is Rupert Heligan, Chairman of CAL UK.’

Rupert stepped towards her and kissed her hand, holding it just a little too long. He looked into her eyes and smiled. ‘I’m so pleased to meet you at last.’

‘Me too. Thank you, Mr Heligan,’ she replied, turning her bombshell smile up to warp factor seven.

‘Please, call me Rupert.’

She smiled and Milo introduced her to the second man. ‘Brooke, this is Michael Woodbine, CAL’s PR wizard. Without him, you wouldn’t have got the gig.’

Michael stepped forward and placed his hands lightly on her elbows while moving in to kiss her twice. Once on each cheek. ‘You were the perfect choice. Rupert and I knew you were the face CAL needed.’

‘Well, I can’t thank you enough. I am so thrilled to be an ambassador for such great coffee and such a great company. I love your ethos. Fair trade with your growers. Reinvesting in their businesses. I wouldn’t want to work with a company that exploited their suppliers.’ Brooke knew it was her sex appeal that was her big selling point, and why they were interested in her. She was quite happy to use her charms, but she was determined not to play the bimbo for the sake of it.

The three men smiled at her. ‘She’s not just a beauty – she has brains too,’ said Milo, ushering everyone to the huge sofas.

‘Oh yes, I’m so much more than a pretty face.’ Brooke turned her smile up another couple of notches.

‘Fix us some drinks would you, Brooke.’

Brooke’s million-dollar smile froze on her face and she stood still for a moment. She hadn’t thought about drinks, let alone being the one who ‘fixed’ them. She recovered quickly – she was a pro after all. ‘Of course. What would you like?’

She went to the cupboard that she’d been told was the bar and opened it. Everything anyone could have wanted was stocked inside.

‘Scotch, please. On the rocks,’ said Rupert, staring at her bottom as she bent down to search for glasses.

Michael and Milo chose the same. She poured herself a weak gin and tonic.

Once they were all settled and sitting down, Rupert opened up the conversation.

‘Milo, what we want Brooke to do tomorrow is go up to the theatre, have a few shots taken by the invited press, do some interviews with the media …’ He stopped and turned to Brooke. ‘Can you do interviews?’

She frowned. ‘What do you mean?’

‘Can you take a brief? Anything awkward, leave it to Michael. Just keep smiling.’

Brooke felt a stab of annoyance. ‘I’m an actress. I can remember lines and I can certainly put across my views.’

Milo surreptitiously raised a finger and gave her a sharp look to stop her from saying more. She stopped.

There was a knock at the door. ‘Get that would you,’ said Milo, ‘there’s a good girl.’

Brooke hid her annoyance but did as she was asked. A short, self-important-looking little man in a brown suit was standing outside. ‘Hello, can I help you?’ she asked.

He held out his hand and, shaking hers, walked in, ‘Councillor Bedford – Chris. Sorry I’m late.’

‘Ah, Chris – glad you could come.’ Milo got to his feet. ‘You know Rupert and Michael.’ They all shook hands. ‘Brooke, get Chris a drink, will you.’

She poured him the lager he’d requested. He had settled himself on the sofa she’d been sitting on, next to Milo. Now there was nowhere but a small stool to perch on. She perched.

The three men discussed business over the top of her head for the next hour. Brooke tried to listen enthusiastically – active listening, she’d heard it called – but the three men seemed to be treating her like a hired servant and it was starting to irritate her. Three times she got up and refreshed their glasses. Not one of them addressed her. Councillor Bedford was an odious creep who hadn’t stopped leering at her all evening, staring at her thighs when she crossed her legs and straining his neck to peer down the front of her dress when she stooped to set the drinks on the table. She was so fed up with the whole business it was tempting to tune out completely, but her ears pricked up when talk turned to the Pavilions.

‘So, Bedford, you’re absolutely sure that we’ve got this in the bag?’ pressed Michael, the PR man. ‘We don’t want any more interference from those local busybodies. From hereon there must be nothing but positive press – we’ve got our image to protect, remember.’

‘Precisely,’ said Rupert. ‘We’re rewarding you handsomely for your … “interventions”, and we expect you to deliver accordingly.’

‘Yes, yes, absolutely, gentlemen!’ Councillor Bedford fawned, rubbing his hands nervously against his trousers. ‘I think you’ll find that there are plenty of sympathetic ears on the council and I personally guarantee to see to it that any opposition will be silenced.’

Definitely odious, thought Brooke, as their conversation droned on. Her stomach was rumbling. She hadn’t eaten since breakfast. It was getting late and she was worried that the kitchen would be closed by the time they went downstairs for dinner. Milo interrupted her thoughts. ‘So, babe, how about you tell the boys what being the face of Café Au Lait means to you?’

Brooke’s eyes lit up. Here was her chance to tell them her master plan. ‘I went up to the Pavilions today and had a look around. It’s a fabulous building and I think it’s going to be great for CAL.’

Milo gave her a smile of approval. Rupert had his eyes fixed on her legs where her skirt had ridden up as she sat on the stool. He’d had quite a lot to drink. The sooner she said her piece and got them downstairs for something to eat, the better.

‘And I’ve had a great idea,’ she ploughed on, ignoring Milo’s warning glance. ‘The Café Au Lait bistro could run side by side with the theatre. If it were situated in the foyer, it could provide restaurant catering for theatre goers and non theatre goers alike once the theatre is restored. The Pavilions would be transformed into a beacon of high entertainment for the West Country!’ She looked around expectantly. Four faces stared back at her, stunned. ‘I don’t know whether Milo has mentioned this,’ she pressed on, ‘but I am a trained actress. A good actress. I can not only be the face of Café Au Lait but also the face of the Pavilions!’

There was silence as she finished. Then Milo got to his feet and said, ‘Brooke, may I have a word?’

He walked towards her bedroom and she followed. ‘Close the door behind you,’ he ordered in a low voice. She did so.

‘What the fuck do you think you are doing?’

‘I … was just—’

‘You were just fucking me and yourself over. Save the theatre? Be an actress? What the fuck’s that about?’

‘Well, I …’

He grabbed the top of her arm hard and squeezed. ‘Don’t you ever undermine me in front of a client again.’

‘You’re hurting my arm.’

He pushed his face into hers and she felt his spittle on her skin as he spoke: ‘I’ll hurt more than your arm if you carry on spouting out any stupid idea that comes into that pea brain of yours. These are powerful men. They have the money, they have my balls and they have your future in their pockets. Do you understand?’

She nodded, frightened.

‘They didn’t come down here to hear you speak. They came here to look at you. They came down here so that they could tell their mates they were in Brooke Lynne’s hotel room. Now you need to be nice to them – and I mean really nice. Am I making myself clear?’

‘Yes.’ Tears pricked her eyes but she forced them back.

The bedroom door opened behind her. Councillor Bedford stood at the door, swaying slightly, an empty lager glass in his hand. ‘Is this a private party, or can anyone join in?’

Milo beamed at him and let go of Brooke’s arm. ‘I was just saying, we need to get some cocktails sent up. Champagne cocktails, I think. We’ve got a lot to celebrate.’

Brooke returned to the drawing room. ‘Get onto room service would you, Brooke. Have them send up some brandy and half a dozen bottles of champagne.’

As she put the phone down she saw Michael emptying a small bag of white powder onto the coffee table. Taking his wallet from his pocket, he removed a platinum American Express card and began chopping the powder into thin lines. Milo was watching her. ‘Come on, Brooke. You’re a very lucky girl to be employed by these nice men. Relax.’ Michael had just hoovered up the first line. He handed her the rolled-up twenty-pound note he’d been using. ‘Ladies first – it’s good stuff.’

‘No thank you. I don’t—’

Rupert put his finger in the residue Michael had left behind and rubbed it on his gums. ‘Come on, babe. It’s just a little charlie.’

Councillor Bedford’s eyes were like saucers. ‘I’ve always wanted to try this stuff. How do you do it?’

Rupert showed him.

As the drug took effect, Bedford’s pupils dilated and his manner towards Brooke became more bold. ‘I must say,’ he smirked, his eyes brazenly roving over her curves, ‘This is what I call a nice bonus.’

Brooke’s brain was spinning. How had she got into this situation? She felt a hand caressing her bottom. Rupert was behind her, whispering in her ear: ‘Why don’t we go to your bedroom? The others are happy here. Unless you’d like them to watch?’

He slid his arm round her waist and she felt his breath and hot tongue in her ear.

There was a knock at the door.

‘That’s room service.’ He let her go and she ran to the door. Toby and Marc were there, pushing a huge trolley loaded with six bottles of champagne in a wine cooler and a big bottle of brandy.

‘Have you got a phone on you?’ she asked in a desperate whisper.

‘Yeah,’ said Toby.

‘Give it to me.’ She took the phone and quickly turned around, thrusting the phone towards the table, capturing the lines of coke on the coffee table, the bottles of booze, and the look of stunned shock on the three men’s faces.

Marc threw his hands up in horror. ‘Oh my God! It’s a drugs den!’

Milo ran towards Brooke. ‘Give me that phone, you stupid bitch!’

But Brooke was too fast for him. She ran out of the door and into the hallway screaming, ‘Help! Police! Help!’

Toby and Marc abandoned the trolley and ran hell for leather down the corridor after her, bundling her into the service lift and taking her down to the sanctuary of the kitchen.

For a second or two they stood in silence, panting and wild-eyed, grateful to be out of that room. Then Marc grinned at her and said, ‘You can’t half shift in those heels, girlfriend. I’m proud of you!’

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