Single Mum Seeking...

“Oh, sweetie boys,” Jill muttered, holding one closely to her. “You must be good for the babysitter. Remember?”

“When I started to go back in the house,” the older lady went on, “one of these very same adorable children was at the front door. As I started to come closer, he grinned at me and he...” She had to stop to take a shaky breath. “He just smiled. I realized what might happen and I called out. I said, ‘No! Wait!’ But just as I reached the door, he slammed it shut. It was locked. He locked me out of the house!”

Jill was frowning. “What are you talking about? Who locked you out of the house?”

She pointed at Timmy who was cuddled close in Jill’s arms. “He did.”

Jill shook her head as though to clear it. He’s only eighteen months old. “That’s impossible. He doesn’t know how to lock doors.”

Mrs. Mulberry drew herself up. “Oh, yes he does,” she insisted.

Jill looked into Timmy’s innocent face. Could her baby have done that? He smiled and said, “Mamamama.” No way.

“I couldn’t get in,” Mrs Mulberry went on. “I was panicking. I didn’t know what I was going to do.” Tears filled her eyes again.

Jill stared at her in disbelief and Connor stepped forward, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder. “We believe you, Mrs. Mulberry,” he said calmly. “Just finish your story. We want to know it all.”

She tried to give him a grateful smile and went on. “I was racing around, trying all the doors, getting more and more insane with fear. Finally I got the idea to look for a key. I must have turned over twenty flower pots before I found it. Once I got back into the house, I realized they were up here in the bedroom, but when I called to them, they locked the bedroom door.”

She sighed heavily, her head falling forward on her chest. “I thought I would go out of my mind. I tried to call you but I couldn’t do it. I thought I ought to call the police, but I was shaking so badly...” She shuddered, remembering. “And then you finally came home.”

Jill met Connor’s gaze and bit her lip, turning to lay Timmy down in his crib. He was giving her a warning glance, as if to say, “No major damage here. Give her a break.”

For some reason, instead of letting it annoy her, she felt a surge of relief. Yes, give her a break. Dear soul, she didn’t mean any harm, and since nothing had really happened, there was no reason to make things worse. In fact, both boys were already drifting off to sleep. And why not? They’d had a busy night so far.

Turning, she smiled at the older woman. “Thank goodness I got back when I did,” she said as lightly as she could manage. “Well, everything’s alright now. If you’ll wait downstairs, I’ll just put these two down and...”

Connor gave her a grin and a wink and put down the already sleeping Tanner into his crib as though he knew what he was doing, which surprised her. But her mind was on her babies, and she looked down lovingly at them as they slept. For just a moment, she’d been so scared....

What would she do if anything happened to either one of them? She couldn’t let herself think about that. That was a place she didn’t want to go.

Connor watched her. He was pretty sure he knew what she was thinking about. Anything happening to her kids would just about destroy her. He’d seen her face when she first realized she was losing Brad. He remembered that pain almost as if it had been his own. And losing these little ones would be ten times worse.

He drove Mrs. Mulberry home and when he got back, all was quiet. The lights that had blazed out across the landscape were doused and a more muted atmosphere prevailed. The house seemed to be at peace.

Except for one thing—the sound of sniffles coming from the kitchen where Jill was sitting at the table with her hands wrapped around a cup of coffee.

“Hey,” he said, sliding in beside her on the bench seat. “You okay?”

She turned her huge, dark, tragic eyes toward him.

“I leave the house for just a few hours—leave the boys for more than ten minutes—the first time in a year. And chaos takes over.” She searched his gaze for answers. “Is that really not allowed? Am I chained to this place, this life, forever? Do I not dare leave...ever?”

He stared down at her. He wanted to make a joke, make her smile, get her out of this mood, but he saw real desperation in her eyes and he couldn’t make light of that.

“Hey.” He brushed her cheek with the backs of his fingers. “It’s not forever. Things change quickly for kids. Don’t let it get you down. In a month, it will be different.”

She stared up at him. How could he possibly know that? And yet, somehow, she saw the wisdom in what he’d said. She shook her head and smiled. “Connor, why didn’t you come back sooner? I love your smile.”

He gave her another one, but deep down, he groaned. This was exactly why he had to get out of here as soon as he could. He slumped down lower in the seat and tried to think of something else reassuring to say, but his mind wouldn’t let go of what she’d just said to him.

I love your smile.

Pretty pathetic to grasp at such a slender reed, but that was just about all he had, wasn’t it?

Jill was back on the subject at hand, thinking about the babysitter. “Here I hired her because I thought an older woman would be calmer with a steadier hand.” She rolled her eyes. “A teenage girl would have been better.”

“Come on, that’s not really fair. She got a lot thrown at her at once and she wasn’t prepared for it. It could have happened to anyone.”

She shook her head as though she just couldn’t accept that. “I’m lucky I’ve got my sister close by for emergencies. But she’s getting more and more caught up in her career, and it’s a pretty demanding one. I really can’t count on her for too much longer.” She sighed. “She had to be at a business dinner in Seattle tonight, or she would have been here to take care of the boys.”

“Family can be convenient.” He frowned. “Don’t you have a younger sister? I thought I met her once.”

Instead of answering, she moaned softly and closed her eyes. “Kelly. Yes. She was our half sister.” She looked at him, new tragedy clouding her gaze. “Funny you should remember her tonight. She was killed in a car crash last week.”

“Oh, my God. Oh, Jill, I’m so sorry.”

She nodded. “It’s sad and tragic and brings on a lot of guilty feelings for Sara and me.”

He shook his head, not understanding. “What did you have to do with it?”

“The accident? Oh, nothing. It happened in Virginia where I guess she was living lately. The guilt comes from not even knowing exactly where she was and frankly, not thinking about her much. We should have paid more attention and worked a little harder on being real sisters to her.”

There was more. He could tell. But he waited, letting her take her time to unravel the story.

“She was a lot younger, of course. Our mother died when we were pretty young, and our father remarried soon after. Too soon for us, of course. After losing our mother, we couldn’t bear to share our beloved father with anyone. We resented the new woman, and when she had a baby, we pretty much resented her, too.” She shook her head. “It was so unfair. Poor little girl.”

“Didn’t you get closer as she got older?”

“Not really. You see, the marriage was a disaster from the start and it ended by the time Kelly was about five years old. We only saw her occasionally after that, for a few hours at a time. And then our father died by the time she was fifteen and we didn’t see either one of them much at all after that.”

“That’s too bad.”

She nodded. “Yes. I’m really sorry about it now.” She sighed. “She was something of a wild child, at least according to my father’s tales of woe. Getting into trouble even in high school. The sort of girl who wants to test the boundaries and explore the edge.”

“I know your father died a few years ago. What about your stepmother?”

“She died when I was about twenty-three. She had cancer.”

“Poor lady.”

“Yes. Just tragic, isn’t it? Lives snuffed out so casually.” She shook her head. “I just feel so bad about Kelly. It’s so sad that we never got to know her better.”

“Just goes to show. Carpe diem. Seize the day. Don’t let your opportunities slip by.”

“Yes.” She gave him a look. “When did you become such a philosopher?”

“I’ve always been considered wise among my peers,” he told her in a snooty voice that made her laugh.

A foghorn sounded its mournful call and she looked up at a clock. “And now here you are, stuck. The last ferry’s gone. You’re going to have to stay here.”

He smiled at her. “Unless I hijack a boat.”

“You can sleep on the couch.” She shrugged. “Or sleep in the master bedroom if you want. Nobody else does.”

The bitter tone was loud and clear, and it surprised him.

“Where do you sleep?” he asked her.

“In the guest room.” Her smile was bittersweet. “That’s why you can’t use it.”

He remembered glancing in at the master bedroom when he was upstairs. It looked like it had always looked. She and Brad had shared that bed. He looked back at her and didn’t say a word.

She didn’t offer an explanation, but he knew what it was. She couldn’t sleep in that bed now that Brad had abandoned it.

He nodded. “I’ll take the couch.”

She hesitated. “The only problem with that is, I’ll be getting up about four in the morning. I’ll probably wake you.”

“Four in the morning? Planning a rendezvous with the milkman?”

“No, silly. I’ve got to start warming the ovens and mixing my batter.” She yawned, reminding him of a sleepy kitten. “I’ve got a day full of large orders to fill tomorrow. One of my busiest days ever.” She smiled again. “And hopefully, a sign of success. I sure need it.”

“Great.”

“Wait here a second. I think I’ve got something you can use.”

She left the room and was back in moments, carrying a set of dark blue men’s pajamas.

He recoiled at the sight. “Brad’s?” he said.

“Not really.” She threw them down in his lap. “I bought them for Brad but he never even saw them. That was just days before he sent you to tell me we were through.”

“Oh.” That was okay, then. He looked at them, setting aside the top and reserving the pants for when he was ready for bed. Meanwhile, she was rummaging through a linen closet and bringing out a sheet and a light blanket. That made her look domestic in ways he hadn’t remembered. He thought about how she’d looked with Timmy in her arms.

“Hey,” he said gently. “That’s a pair of great little boys you’ve got there.”

She melted immediately. “Aren’t they adorable? But so bad!”

“I’ll bet they keep you busy every hour of the day.”

She nodded. “It’s not easy running a business from home when I’ve got those two getting more and more mischievous.” She sighed and sat back down. “Can you believe they were locking doors? I had no idea they knew what a lock was.”

“Time to dismantle some and add extra keys for others,” he suggested.

“Yes. And keep my eyes on them every minute.”

“Can’t you hire a daytime babysitter?”

“Yeah, hiring a babysitter really works out well, doesn’t it?” She shook her head. “Actually Trini, my bakery assistant, helps a lot. She doubles as a babysitter when I need her to, and does everything else the rest of the time. And then, Sara comes by and helps when she has a free moment or two.” She gave him a tremulous smile. “We manage.”

He resisted the impulse to reach out and brush back the lock of hair that was bouncing over her eyebrow. The gesture seemed a little too intimate as they sat here, alone in the dim light so late at night.

But Jill didn’t seem to have the same reservations he harbored. She reached out and took his hand in hers, startling him. Then she gazed deep into his eyes for a moment before she spoke. His pulse began to quicken. He wasn’t sure what she wanted from him, but he knew he couldn’t deny her much.

“Well?” she said softly.

He could barely breathe. His fingers curled around hers and he looked at her full, soft lips, her warm mouth, and he wanted to kiss her so badly his whole body ached with it. The longing for her seared his soul. What would she do if he just...?

“Well?” she said again. “Out with it.”

“What?” His brain was fuzzy. He couldn’t connect what she was saying to what he was feeling.

“Come on. Say it.”

He shook his head. What was she talking about? Her brows drew together and her gaze was more penetrating.

“My dear Connor,” she said, pulling at his hand as though to make him say what she wanted to hear. “It is time for you to come clean.”

“Come clean?”

He swallowed hard. Did she know? Could she read the desire in his eyes? Did she see how he felt about her in his face? Hear it in his voice? Had he really let his guard down too far?

“On what?” he added, his voice gruff with suppressed emotion.

“On why you’re here.” She was looking so intense. “On why Brad sent you.” She searched his eyes again. “Come on, Connor. What exactly does he want this time?”

Brad. His heart sank, and then he had to laugh at himself. Of course that was what she was thinking about. And why not? What right did he have to want anything different? What he wanted didn’t mean a thing. This was all about Jill—and Brad. As usual. He took a deep breath and shook his head.

“What makes you think Brad sent me?” he said, his voice coming out a bit harsher than he’d meant it to.

“You’re his best friend.” She frowned and looked pensive. “You were my best friend once, too.”

There you go. Too many best friends. He was always the odd man out. That was exactly why he’d opted for Singapore when he had the chance. And maybe why he would go back again.

He raised her hand and brought it to his lips, touching her gently with a kiss, then setting her aside and drawing away.

“Jill, you’ve had enough excitement for tonight. Let’s talk in the morning.”

“No, tell me. What does Brad want me to do?”

It was the question in her eyes that scared him—the hint of hope. She didn’t really think that there was a chance that Brad might want her back....did she? It wasn’t going to happen. He’d seen it with his own eyes.

Brad was a selfish bastard. It had taken him years to accept that. Maybe Jill didn’t realize it yet. Brad was a great guy to hang out with. Playing poker with him was fun. Going waterskiing. Box seats at a Mariners game. But as far as planning your life with him, he wouldn’t recommend it.

“Jill, I didn’t come for Brad. I came to see you because I wanted to come.”

Okay, so that was partly a lie. But he had to say it. He couldn’t stand to see the glimmer of hope in her eyes, knowing it would only bring her more heartbreak. He had a message from Brad all right. But right now, he wasn’t sure if he would ever tell her what it was. She thought he was on Brad’s side, but she was wrong. If it came to a showdown, he was here for her—all the way.

He just wasn’t sure how much she cared, one way or the other. She still wanted Brad. He could see it in her face, hear it in her voice. He shouldn’t even be here.

No worries. He would leave first thing in the morning. He couldn’t leave before six when the ferry started to run, but he would slip out while she was busy. No goodbyes. Just leave. Get it over with and out of the way and move on. That was the plan. He only had to follow it.

The couch was comfortable enough but he could only sleep in short snatches. When he did doze off, he had dreams that left him wandering through crowds of Latin American dancers in huge headdresses, all swaying wildly to exotic music and shouting “Mambo!” in his face.

He was looking for something he couldn’t find. People kept getting in his way, trying to get him to dance with them. And then one headdress changed into a huge white parrot before his eyes, the most elegant bird he’d ever seen. He had to catch that parrot. Suddenly it was an obvious case of life or death and his heart was beating hard with the effort as he chased it through the crowd. He had to catch it!

He reached out, leaped high and touched the tips of the white feathers of its wings. His heart soared. He had it! But then the feathers slipped through his fingers and the bird was swooping away from him. He was left with nothing. A feeling of cold, dark devastation filled his heart. He began to walk away.

But the parrot was back, trailing those long white fathers across his face—only it wasn’t white feathers. It was the sleeve of a lacy white nightgown and it was Jill leaning over him, trying to reach something from the bookcase behind the couch.

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t want to wake you up,” she whispered as though he might go back to sleep if she was quiet about it. “It’s not time to get up. I just needed this manual. I’m starting to heat the ovens up.”

He nodded and pretended to close his eyes, but he left slits so he could watch her make her way across the room, her lacy white gown cascading around her gorgeous ankles. The glow from the kitchen provided a backlight that showed off her curves to perfection, making his body tighten in a massive way he didn’t expect.

And then he fell into the first real deep and dreamless sleep of the night. It must have lasted at least two hours. When he opened his eyes, he found himself staring into the bright blue gaze of one of the twins. He didn’t know which one. He couldn’t tell them apart yet.

He closed his eyes again, hoping the little visitor would be gone when he opened them. No such luck. Now there were two of them, both dressed in pajamas, both cute as could be.

“Hi,” he said. “How are you doing?”

They didn’t say a word. They just stared harder. But maybe they didn’t do much talking at this age. They were fairly young.

Still, this soundless staring was beginning to get on his nerves.

“Boo,” he said.

They both blinked but held their ground.

“So it’s going to take more than a simple ‘boo,’ is it?” he asked.

They stared.

“Okay.” He gathered his forces and sprang up, waving the covers like a huge cloak around him. “BOO!” he yelled, eyes wide.

They reacted nicely. They both ran screaming from the room, tumbling over each other in their hurry, and Connor smiled with satisfaction.

It only took seconds for Jill to arrive around the corner.

“What are you doing to my babies?” she cried.

“Nothing,” he said, trying to look innocent. He wrapped the covers around himself and smiled. “Just getting to know them. Establishing pecking order. Stuff like that.”

She frowned at him suspiciously. To his disappointment, she didn’t have the lacy white thing on anymore. She’d changed into a crisp uniform with a large apron and wore a net over her mass of curly hair.

He gestured in her direction. “Regulation uniform, huh?”

She nodded. “I’m a Bundt cake professional, you know,” she reminded him, doing a pose.

Then she smiled, looking him over. “You look cute when you’re sleepy,” she told him, reaching out to ruffle his badly mussed hair. “Why don’t you go take a shower? I put fresh towels in the downstairs bathroom. I’ll give you some breakfast before you leave.”

Leave? Leave? Oh, yeah. He was going to leave as fast as he could. That was the plan.

He let the sheet drop, forgetting that his torso was completely naked, but the look on her face reminded him quickly. “Oh, sorry,” he said, pulling the sheet back. And then he felt like a fool.

He glanced at her. A beautiful shade of crimson was flooding her face. That told him something he hadn’t figured out before. But knowing she responded to him like that didn’t help matters. In fact, it only made things worse. He swore softly to himself.

“You want me gone as soon as possible, don’t you?” He shouldn’t have said it that way, but the words were already out of his mouth.

She looked a little startled, but she nodded.

“Actually you are sort of in the way,” she noted a bit breathlessly. “I...I’ve got a ton of work to do today and I don’t really have time to be much of a hostess.”

He nodded. “Don’t worry. I’m on my way.”

He thought about getting into his car and driving off and he wondered why he wasn’t really looking forward to it. He had to go. He knew it. She knew it. It had to be done. They needed to stay away from each other if they didn’t want to start something they might not be able to stop. Just the thought made his pulse beat a ragged rhythm.

She met his gaze and looked almost sorry for a moment, then took a deep breath, shook her head and glanced at her watch.

“So far, so good. I’m pretty much on schedule,” she said. “It can get wild around here. My assistant, Trini, should show up about seven. Then things will slowly get under control.”

Despite her involuntary reaction to seeing him without a shirt—a reaction that sent a surge through his bloodstream every time he thought of it—there was still plenty of tension in her voice. Best to be gone before he really felt like a burden. He shook his head as he went off to take a shower.

It can get wild around here, she’d said. So it seemed. It couldn’t get much wilder than it had the night before.

That reminded him of what those boys were capable of, and once he’d finished his shower, he took a large plastic bag and went outside to collect all the items the boys had thrown down from the bedroom. Then he brought the plastic bag into the house and set it down in the entryway.

“Oh, good,” Jill said when she saw what he’d done. She looked relieved that he’d changed back into the shirt and slacks he’d been wearing the night before. “I forgot. I really did want all the stuff brought in before the neighbors saw it.”

“This is quite a haul,” he told her with a crooked smile. “Are you sure your guys aren’t in training to be second-story men?”

“Very funny,” she said, shaking her head at him, then smiling back. “There are actually times when I wonder how I’m going to do it on my own. Raise them right, I mean.” She turned large, sad eyes his way. “It’s not getting any easier.”

It broke his heart to see her like this. If only there was something he could do to help her. But that was impossible, considering the situation. If it weren’t for Brad... But that was just wishful thinking.

“You’re going to manage it,” he reassured her. “You’ve got what it takes. You’ll do it just like your parents managed to raise you. It comes with the territory.”

She was frowning at him. “But it doesn’t always work out. Your parents, for instance. Didn’t you used to say...?”

He tried to remember what he’d ever told her about his childhood. He couldn’t have said much. He never did. Unless he’d had too much to drink one night and opened up to her. But he didn’t remember anything like that. Where had she come up with the fact that his parents had been worthless? It was the truth, but he usually didn’t advertise it.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he said slowly. “My parents were pretty much AWOL. But you know what? Kids usually grow up okay anyway.” He spread his arms out and smiled at her. “Look at me.”

“Just about perfect,” she teased. “Who could ask for anything more?”

“My point exactly,” he said.

She turned away. She knew he was trying to give her encouragement, but what he was saying was just so much empty talk. It wouldn’t get her far.

“Come on,” she said. “I’ve got coffee, and as long as you want cake for breakfast, you can eat.”

The cake was slices from rejects—Dutch Apple Crust, Lemon Delight and Double Devil’s Food—but they were great and she knew it. She watched with satisfaction as he ate four slices in a row, making happy noises all the while.

The boys were playing in the next room. They were making plenty of noise but none of it sounded dangerous so far. Her batters were mixed. Her first cakes were baking. She still had to prepare some glazes. But all in all, things were moving along briskly and she was feeling more confident.