A Time To Heal

“You okay?” His voice had matured into a gravelly baritone, the gravel probably the result of yelling at people to get down or get their hands in the air. “I’m sorry if I scared you.”

If he’d scared her? Who was he kidding?

With a deep cleansing breath, she set the glass onto the tabletop and stiffened her spine. “If this is the way you say hello to old friends, I’d hate to be your enemy.”

The slightest glint of amusement lit his grass-green eyes. “Who said we were friends?”

His dark hair was cut short, but the springy waves that had given him fits in high school were still apparent. Here and there she spotted a single strand of silver amidst the black. She’d always liked his thick, wavy hair though he’d considered it too girly. She wondered if he still did and then inwardly laughed at herself. From wide, powerful shoulders to five-o’clock shadow, there was nothing girly about this new and mature Seth.

Off balance at noticing him at all, Kathryn fired back, “Too bad you never came into the E.R. when I was on duty. I would have stapled your smart mouth shut.”

He laughed then, a bark of sound that bounced off the tiny kitchen walls and straight into Kat’s memory. Seth had grown up tough, but in spite of his troubled home life, he’d been full of fun and laughter. Now she realized the behavior had probably been a coping mechanism. She hoped his adult life had given him real reasons for joy.

“Still the same snooty girl,” he said, which made her grin. She’d been focused, shy and studious, three qualities that some had mistaken for snobbery, including Seth at first.

He pushed to a stand, his six-foot frame towering above her, though she was not petite by any means. “So, how’ve you been, Kat?”

She didn’t want to tell him the truth. That the dreams she’d chased had turned to nightmares. “I was about to ask you the same thing.”

He scrubbed a hand over his face, and Kat caught the scratchy sound of day-old beard. “I’m okay. I like the ranger job. The offer came at a time when I was ready for a change.”

Though curious, she didn’t ask if the move had anything to do with his broken marriage. Too many years and tears had flowed by to ask such personal questions. “So you moved back home. I never would have expected that.”

He lifted a uniform-clad shoulder. “Seemed like a good idea after—” He hesitated, and then smooth as a swan on water, redirected the conversation. Regardless, Kat caught his drift. A divorce would have been doubly hard on a steadfast man like Seth.

“Is there a legitimate reason why you decided to break into my house today?” he asked. “Or can I assume the medical field doesn’t pay as well as rumored and you’ve taken to a life of crime.”

She raised both hands to shoulder height. “Am I being interrogated, Officer?”

One corner of Seth’s mouth kicked up, and Kat gave up trying not to notice how attractive he still was. Maybe even more so now. Where he’d been all planes and angles as a teenager, today he was muscular, fit and sturdy with not an ounce of fat on him.

“No interrogation necessary. I caught you red-handed.”

“Would you really have shot me?”

His dark eyes went flat and cold as all the frivolity left him. A shiver danced up Kat’s spine. Criminals must tremble at the sound of his name.

“Probably not, but we have been experiencing some break-ins lately.”

“Susan didn’t mention that.”

“I’ve tried to keep things low-key for the time being. They mostly break in, mess the place up, help themselves to the food and booze, if there is any. A couple of places lost some cash and prescription drugs.”

“That explains your jumpiness.”

“I wasn’t jumpy. If I had been, we would be having this conversation in an ambulance.”

“Ouch. You’re scaring me.”

“Someone needs to. Even if your brother-in-law handles most of the property on the lake, you shouldn’t be going into someone else’s house when they aren’t there.”

“I admit that was pretty stupid. But actually, this is my house and I came over to talk you out of it.”

“This is your cabin?” When she nodded, he pulled a chair around and straddled it, facing her. “Danny didn’t tell me.”

Danny knew the history between Kat and Seth. Maybe he’d thought to let sleeping dogs lie. “Would it have mattered?”

“Nah.” He shook his head. “Should it?”

“Nah,” she said imitating him. “But the lake ranger’s house is down near the public entrance. Why aren’t you living there?”

“The place needed renovations. The last ranger kind of let things go. After living there for a while, I made a deal with the town to have some work done. I pay for this one while they fix that one. And in my spare time I do as much of the work myself as I can.”

“Ahh. Well, since you only need a temporary place, I’m sure Danny can find you something suitable.”

He gave her a funny look. “This place suits me fine.”

“But I’m back and I want my house.”

“I have a lease.”

“For how long?”

“Longer than your vacation.”

“I’m not here on vacation.”

He jacked an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

“I’ve moving back.”

An odd fire backlit his green, green eyes. A fire Kat could not interpret. “As in permanently?”

The familiar ache of indecision started up inside her head. She rubbed at her temples, confused and uncertain. Dr. Kathryn Elizabeth Thatcher was a highly skilled doctor who made decisions about other people’s lives all the time. Why couldn’t she figure out what to do with her own?

“Let’s just say I’m here for some much needed R and R while I figure out some things.”

“That’s what I figured. So why not stay with Susan?”

Why did everyone keep asking her that? “Remember the old saying that fish and friends stink in three days? I’ve been there four.”

Though she’d slept through most of them.

“Then ask Danny to find you a place.”

He was starting to tick her off.

“Seth,” she said as reasonably as possible. “I have a place. This place. Want to see the deed?”

“Want to see my lease agreement?”

“Why are you being so stubborn?”

“Why are you?”

“This is getting us nowhere.” With a huff, she jumped out of the chair and stalked to the long row of windows, gazed out at the breathtaking view for a moment and then turned to try again. “I’ll pay the rent on another cabin of your choosing.”

“I like it here.”

“I don’t remember you being this difficult.”

His jaw twitched and the fiery glint returned. “Time and experience changes a man, Kat. I’ve learned to fight a lot harder for the things I want.”

Surely he wasn’t referring to their long-ago relationship. They hadn’t seen each other for years, and the man had married someone else.

“It’s only a house, Seth. You can find another.”

“That’s what I keep telling you. Now if you don’t mind…” He let the sentence trail away in cool dismissal.

“You’re not going to give me back my cottage,” she said incredulously.

“Nope. I’m not.” He opened the front door and stood to one side. “Bye Kat. See you around.”

What else could she do? With one final, scathing glance, she gathered her dignity and left.

With a mix of admiration, amusement and regret, Seth watched Kathryn stalk off through the woods, straight brown hair swaying against her shoulders, long lean legs churning the ground with purpose.

That was Kat. Always on the go, always filled with purpose and aware of exactly what she wanted. A long time ago she’d wanted him, but she’d wanted to be a doctor much, much more.

He shook his head at the thoughts. He hadn’t seen Kathryn Thatcher in years. What did he know of her now?

Nothing. Not one thing other than she was still as pretty as an Easter lily and still had the uncanny ability to make him want to take care of her.

For one minute there, after he’d lowered the Glock 44 and while she gazed at him with shock and fear, he’d wanted to take her in his arms. For comfort purposes only, of course.

Kat. He hung his head for a moment and contemplated the wooden porch. Long ago he’d dealt with losing his first love, but seeing her again stirred some deep and elemental longing to set things right. They’d left a lot of business unfinished.

His conscience began to nag.

Finding Kathryn in his kitchen had been a shock he hadn’t been prepared for. He’d come in, guns blazing like some Wyatt Earp cowboy and scared her to death, but that hadn’t been enough for the big-city cop. Oh, no. He’d had to intentionally bait her about the cottage, too. He still hadn’t figured that one out yet.

He studied his reaction for a minute, wondering if, in some juvenile way, he wanted to hurt her. He didn’t. She had been hurt far more than he by their carelessness as teenagers. After the baby, they’d drifted apart, too guilt-ridden and ashamed to discuss what they both must have been feeling. He hadn’t understood the reaction then. All he’d understood was Kat’s abandonment.

He didn’t blame her for that. Maybe he once had, but not now. Interesting how fifteen minutes with Kat had resurrected a memory he’d buried for years.

From the local talk, he knew she had never married, never had more babies. He had. God had blessed him in a thousand ways, even if Rita had killed him and their marriage with her infidelity.

As a Christian he should have been able to make his marriage work, but he’d failed somehow. Failed Rita. Failed his daughter. Most of all he’d failed God, but he didn’t know what to do about it. Rita had been the one to file for divorce, and as hard as he’d tried to stop her, she’d divorced him anyway. Nothing much a man could do about that, Christian or not.

But in truth, their marriage had died long before the courthouse funeral. That was the part that haunted him.

Seth looked up, saw that Kat had disappeared from sight. Twilight hovered over the thick trees like a million black gnats.

Slowly he shut the door and went inside, chest heavy with emotion. Seeing Kat again had brought back all the questions.

He was thirty-six years old, divorced, alone, and still asking God why he’d been allowed to love two women in his life but hadn’t been enough to keep either of them.

Chapter Three

Kat slammed into the house, flip-flops thwacking against the gleaming hardwood floors. Susan had some explaining to do.

She couldn’t believe Seth Washington was living in her house. Seth. Of all people. Why hadn’t someone warned her?

She found Susan in the den, wrapping a gift for a baby shower at church. Her brother-in-law, golden-haired Danny, lay kicked back in his brown leather recliner watching a baseball game. Little Sadie, a dark-haired surprise in a very blond family, sprawled across her daddy’s lap feeding him roasted peanuts. Ten-year-old Jon played some kind of hand-held video game while Queenie the pregnant cat followed his rapid movements in fascination. Shelby was nowhere in sight and Kat figured the fourteen-year-old was upstairs talking on the telephone. Her sister’s family was about as all-American as they came.

When Kat entered the den, Susan glanced up with a smile.

“Hand me a blue bow, will you, Kat?” She indicated the coffee table and a plastic bag filled with a rainbow of colored gift bows.

Plastic and acetate rustled as Kat retrieved the needed decoration. Normally she’d ask about the gift, but right now she had more important things on her mind.

“Why didn’t you tell me Seth Washington had rented my cottage?”

Her sister carefully creased the ends of baby-print paper and taped them down before speaking.

“I wondered where you had gone off to.”

Kat clapped the bow into Susan’s outstretched hand. “He almost shot me.”

Susan froze, hand still outstretched. The recliner mechanism popped loudly as Danny sprang upward. “What?”

She told them about the incident, finishing with, “As soon as he recognized me, he lowered the pistol, but he scared twenty years off my life.”

“Seth’s, too, no doubt. What on earth possessed you to go into the cabin?”

“It was one of those spur-of-the-moment things. And the cottage is my house.” But she was feeling more foolish with each passing minute. Her quick decisions in the E.R. were always right on. Snap judgments in life weren’t quite as successful.

Susan’s usual smile was replaced with a frown. “You worry me sometimes, Kat. All those brains and not a lick of sense.”

Kat bristled at the taunt her family had thrown at her all her life. No one had said it in years.

“Susan,” Danny chided gently. “That’s not fair.”

Susan’s shoulders slumped. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I should have told you about Seth.”

At her sister’s sweet apology, the tension dissipated but the words hovered in the back of Kat’s mind, painful because she feared they were true. “Yes, you should have, but going into the house was stupid. I should have realized nothing good could come of it.”

“But you did see Seth again—finally. I know how you’ve dreaded that initial contact.”

Susan was right—again—though Kat didn’t like being so transparent. “I wasn’t exactly dreading anything. I’ve just been too busy to seek out a virtual stranger from the past.”

Too busy sleeping and avoiding life.

Susan gave her a look that said she didn’t believe a word, but she returned to her package without argument. “So how does he look to you?”

Kat wasn’t about to mention Seth’s stunning green eyes rimmed in spiky black lashes or how the little creases beside his mouth, deeper now, still made her stomach flutter.

“Medically, he seems healthy enough.”

Danny made a choking sound as he settled back into his recliner. “Talk about taking the wind out of a man’s sails. I hope Seth never hears that summation.”

Kat started to make some smart remark about men all being the same as long they had health insurance, but she figured her cynical outlook wouldn’t be appreciated.

“I asked him to move out of my house.”

Susan zipped off a strip of Scotch tape. “Don’t you think that’s a little selfish? Come on, Kat, if you don’t want to stay here, there are other places to live until Seth moves into the ranger’s house.”

“I have a couple of vacant cottages that aren’t booked if you’re interested,” Danny offered. “You’ve always liked that secluded little cabin near Dock Nine. We’ve been doing some renovations, but the place is livable.”

He didn’t bother to mention what Kat already knew. The cabin was a stone’s throw from her own A-frame, the one occupied by her former beau. If she moved there—something she’d have to think about—seeing Seth occasionally would be inevitable.

Oh, what was she thinking? If she stayed in Wilson’s Cove for any length of time, she was bound to run into him now and then.

Fine. She could handle seeing Seth Washington. What happened all those years ago shouldn’t matter now. Don’t talk about it. Don’t think about it and everything will be fine.

Susan came around the table to where Kat had plopped onto the fluffy faux-suede couch to think. She set the pretty wrapped package between them.

“We could sew new curtains and maybe slipcovers for the furniture. Fixing the place up could be fun. What do you say, sis? The Thatcher sisters together again, like old times.”

Like old times. She and Susan had once been joined at the hip, but in the past ten years, Kat’s work had stolen their time together. She’d thought she was the only one affected, but Susan had missed her, too. A powerful homesickness welled inside along with the bald truth that she was wrong to expect Seth to move out of the cabin just because she had come back to Wilson’s Cove.

Maybe Seth had been more right than she realized. Maybe she was a snooty girl.

And she’d tell him so the next time they crossed paths.

Three days later, Kat, dressed in blue shorts and white T-shirt, knelt on the back deck of her slightly dilapidated new rental potting scarlet geraniums and contemplating what to do with the rest of her life. If she’d thought time spent here in Wilson’s Cove would take away the emptiness inside, she’d been sorely mistaken. She felt as adrift and lost in this place of her upbringing as she had in Oklahoma City.

So often she wished her parents had lived longer, though Susan had always been her confidant. Still, a mother’s shoulder and wise counsel, even to someone as old as she, sounded good right now.

Yet she hadn’t leaned on her mother when she’d needed her most. She hadn’t leaned on anyone but herself. She’d made the mess and she’d been determined to deal with it on her own. She’d hidden her secret well, too. No one had ever even suspected that the quiet, church-going Thatcher girl had gotten pregnant.

She sighed and shook her head. Why had all these memories started to torment her again?

Maybe she was clinically depressed. The question was why?

She was a successful, well-respected physician. She had friends. She had things. She had money. Why did life feel like one big disappointment?

Holding a single geranium upright in a small pot, she dug the fingers of one hand into the cool, moist potting soil. Susan insisted that flowers around the cabin would add character to the place.

If she knew her sister, planting flowers was intended as therapy for her as well.

The rental was smaller and older than her A-frame but neatly furnished with all the necessities. The property also boasted an old fishing dock right on the lake, though Kat didn’t feel too confident about the dock’s stability.

At some recent time Susan had added her touch to the bedroom, dappling on wall paint to create the look of faux leather. The pale tan was more suitable to a weekend fisherman, but the decor would do until Seth moved into the ranger’s house. Whenever that happened.

The best thing about finding a new place to live was that the activity took her mind off her real problems. She’d finally turned her cell phone on this morning and discovered twenty-three messages from the medical director. He wasn’t the least bit worried, or so he said, about the frivolous lawsuit, and he’d cover her shifts for a few weeks until she was ready to come back. The leave of absence was just that, he insisted, a leave. He refused to believe she’d even consider resigning. He was wrong.

“Take a break. Get some rest,” Dr. Beckham said when she had dialed him up. “Then get your tail back to work. We need you.”

They’d haggled for twenty minutes, but he’d been adamant, and in the end she’d agreed. In all honesty, she didn’t want to consider going back, though she hadn’t told the director as much. She shuddered in dread at the thought of facing another ambulance filled with broken bodies while some ambulance-chasing lawyer stood in the waiting area ready to file suit because she wasn’t God.

Whether here or there, life stunk.

“You look serious.”

At the sound of that familiar gravelly voice, Kat jerked around and nearly lost her balance. At the sight of Seth Washington, she nearly lost her breath.

Lean and fit in his blue-gray ranger’s uniform, dark hair glistening in the sunlight, Seth sauntered across the lush green grass. Susan was right. He looked good in that uniform.

Kathryn patted dirt around the droopy little flower before rising to her feet. “You have a habit of sneaking up on people.”

“Haven’t you heard? Good cops walk softly and carry big guns.” Seth propped an elbow on the wobbly wooden porch railing, his eyes hidden behind dark sunglasses, his grin doing funny things to her concentration. Not that she was concentrating on anything too earth shattering.

“Still mad?” he asked.

For effect and to stop the crazy thoughts running through her head, she glared at him. “Yes.”

After a beat of silence she laughed. “Not really. I just wanted to see your reaction. In fact, I want to apologize.”

He arched a very dark eyebrow. “For?”

“Breaking and entering. Conduct unbecoming. Rude behavior.”

“You were surprised. No big deal.”

“You were surprised, too, but you didn’t get angry.”

“No, but I pointed a loaded gun at you. That would make me a bit testy.”

“Stop being easy on me. I was a brat and I’m sorry.”

“You’ve always been a brat, but I like you, anyway.”

He’d said like as in the present tense. Could he really not hate her?

“I came to apologize to you,” he said. “I was rude.”

He made himself at home on her steps, crossing his ankles and leaning an elbow on the rough planks. A cell phone dangled at his hip instead of a weapon and a shiny badge glinted over his shirt pocket. He looked relaxed and comfy, a lot like the teenage boy she’d once known.

“Does that mean you’re willing to give me back my cabin?”

He made a noise, half chuckle, half scoff. “Nope. ’Fraid not.”

“That’s what I figured. Go away.” But she smiled when she said it.

“Can’t do that, either.” He removed the dark glasses and hung them on the edge of his shirt pocket while he studied her with a thoughtful gaze. “I really do want to apologize. I had no right to be rude to an old friend.”

“Apology accepted.”

“So does that mean we can be friends again?”

Friends? Could she be friends with a man whose presence brought back the most agonizing time in her life?

The memory rose between them, hovering like a red wasp waiting to sting. Did he feel it, too? Or was she the only one who still battled the guilt?

Maybe men weren’t affected in the same way a woman was. Maybe he’d moved on and forgotten. Maybe he’d never been filled with the same sense of guilt and shame.

And just maybe the time had come for her to stop thinking this way.

An expert at compartmentalizing, Kat pushed the thoughts down deep. She would always care about the boy she’d known in high school, but she wouldn’t open the painful Pandora’s box that had been their relationship.

Still she wanted to know how he’d been, if he’d been happy, if all his other dreams had come true.

“I heard you were divorced.” The thought, half-formed, had become words before she could think better of saying them.

He blanched, and some of his ease disappeared. He stared out at the serene lake, his face in profile, serious and rugged and maybe even a bit tragic.

Kat wished she’d kept her mouth shut. No one walked away from a divorce unscathed.

After a painful beat of silence in which Kat tried to think of a way to take back her unfortunate words, Seth released a gusty breath. “Two years later I’m still in shock.”

“Unfortunately, divorce happens.” All the time, from what she’d seen, but she felt bad that a broken home had happened to Seth. He’d suffered enough of that as a teenager.

“Not to me. I don’t believe in divorce. I hate it, hate even saying the words.”

So Susan had been right. “So I guess that means the split wasn’t your idea.”

“No.” The word was flat and hopeless. “Not my idea, but probably my fault. Cops don’t always make the best husbands.”

“I’m sure you did the best you could.” The words were platitudes even to her ears.

“I did. That’s the agony of the thing. We had a Christian home, a Christian marriage. Or so I thought. All the time, Rita was going through the motions, playing church but seeing someone else on the side. I was a fool without a clue. Not a single clue until I came home from shift one morning to find her lover drinking coffee in my kitchen. They wanted to tell me together.”

Emotion darkened his light-green eyes to the color of grass. His ex-wife had wounded him terribly. No surprise there. Seth was the sticking kind. The surprise was that he’d become a Christian.

Instinctively, as she often did with patients, Kat reached out and placed her hand over his. Seth’s skin was warm and masculine tough against her fingertips. “What an awful thing to do to you. I’m sorry, Seth. Truly.”