Lovers and Liars

Unhooking a haybag from beneath the cart, he strapped it round the horse’s ears, whereupon that great gentle animal dipped his nose into the bag and began contentedly munching. He had earned his breakfast and meant to enjoy it.

By the time Danny tapped on the back door, Aggie was ready with a fresh brew of strong tea, and a plate full of home-made muffins. ‘The tea’s mashed!’ she said, beckoning him to the kitchen table. ‘Get that hot tea down you, son,’ she urged Danny as they all took their places. ‘By! You look frozen to the bone.’

‘Nay, I’m used to it,’ Danny assured her. ‘Mind you, it feels like there’s a bad night in the making. I noticed the hedges are beginning to stiffen with cold. Come dark there’ll be ice on the lanes, you can count on it.’

Aggie chided him, ‘And there’s you with only a thin jacket and muffler to keep out the cold. It’s time you got yourself a warm overcoat, my boy!’

‘Ever since Africa, I can’t stand to be smothered,’ came Danny’s reply. ‘As long as I keep working, I’ll be fine, so I will.’

Holding out his arms, he spoke to the child. ‘Is there a cuddle and a kiss to go with my tea and muffins?’ His gaze fell on Emily. In his heart it was her he wanted; her and the child both, for he had come to love them dearly these past months.

Releasing the child, Emily watched her go to him. She saw the affection in his kind grey eyes, and the way his ready smile enveloped Cathleen as they cuddled close. ‘Now this was worth waiting for,’ he joked. ‘Tea, muffins, and a pretty girl’s arms round my neck – what more could a man ask for?’ Again, his gaze fell on Emily, and knowing what was on his mind, she looked away.

Lately there had been warm stirrings in her heart for him and, for so many reasons, this frightened her.

For the next twenty minutes or so, they chatted about this and that: Danny told them how glad he was to be back in Salmesbury, and how he had never been certain he would enjoy the milk-round, but that now he was loving every minute. ‘We’ve got plenty of customers and they’re all a pleasure to serve. Besides, I reckon I’m privileged to be working in these beautiful surroundings. You get to appreciate your home patch, when you’ve been overseas for so long.’

Aggie had often wondered and she asked him now: ‘How does your father feel about you taking over the reins, so to speak?’

Danny laughed. ‘Oh, it’s still Father who holds the reins, I can assure you of that! There are days when I can’t do a single thing right. He’s always one step behind me – “do this, do that” … I never seem to please the old bugger.’ He chuckled. ‘All the same, he’s one of the best. They broke the mould when they made Bobby Williams.’

The love he had for his father was evident in the manner in which he referred to him, and the joy in his face whenever he mentioned his name.

Aggie spoke candidly about work on the farm. ‘It seems to get harder with every passing year,’ she groaned. ‘We can’t afford any hired help at the moment, and what with Dad’s rheumatism, and Emily having to tend the bairn, we can’t seem to keep on top of everything.’ She gave her daughter a warm smile. ‘Mind you, my Emily works every minute she can, bless her heart, and she never complains. In fact, I don’t know what I’d do without her.’

‘It’s easier at this time of year, though – no crops or harvest to gather in?’ Danny knew all about the countryside and farming.

Aggie had to agree, but, ‘Winter is easier, yes. But as you well know, there are always things to do in preparation for the coming spring … animals to be tended and repairs done – as well as other jobs that need seeing to afore the season changes.’

Emily had her own opinions about that, and she aired them with a frown. ‘If certain people didn’t clear off whenever the fancy took them, there would be three pairs of hands to the pump, instead of two!’ They all knew who she was referring to.

‘If you ask me, the place is much happier when he’s not around anyway!’ Aggie put in. She had come to hate her brother with a passion that shamed her. Potts End Farm hadn’t been the same since his arrival. A shadow hung over them all.

Not for the first time, Danny offered his help. ‘I’m sure I can spare an hour or two each day to give you a hand,’ he volunteered. ‘I could take the weight off both your shoulders, if only you’d let me.’

Fearing the trouble that might cause, Emily intervened. ‘It’s not that we aren’t grateful, Danny,’ she started, ‘because we are. It’s just that,’ glancing towards the door, she lowered her voice, ‘it might not be appreciated in other quarters, if you see what I mean.’

‘I understand exactly what you’re saying,’ he answered softly, ‘but where’s the man himself, anyway?’ He’d expected to see Clem somewhere hereabouts. ‘Usually he’s in the field, checking them bulls of his, but there was nary a sign of him this morning.’

Terrified of the two great bulls that Clem had brought to the farm, Aggie confessed, ‘I’d feel a whole lot better if he was to take them back where he got them from. I believe he earns money from ’em but he never discusses the fees he charges for them to cover the cows. It makes my blood run cold to think little Cathleen could wander into that field at any time.’

Emily assured her that would not happen. ‘We always keep well away from there,’ she promised. ‘The very sight of those huge beasts puts the fear of God in me.’

Danny was afraid for them all. ‘Mind you keep well away,’ he cautioned. ‘I’ve seen lesser bulls go on the rampage and leave a trail of destruction in their wake, and them bulls out there are two of the biggest I’ve ever clapped eyes on.’ He shook his head. ‘Out and out killers, that’s what they are. Keep as far away as you can.’ The very thought of any of these three lovely women being hurt was like a knife to his heart.

For a time, they continued to talk about more pleasant things, such as the coming Christmas celebrations. ‘I’m sure Mother wouldn’t mind if you and your father joined us for Christmas dinner?’ Emily couldn’t stand for the two Williamses to be alone on Christmas Day. Danny was an only child, and poor Mr Williams would be facing his first Christmas without his wife.

‘Well, of course I don’t mind!’ Aggie was quick to assure them. ‘In fact, I was about to ask him the very same thing.’ Turning to Danny she said, ‘Do you think you could persuade your father to trust my cooking?’

‘Well, it’s got to be better than mine!’ he joked.

Emily was thrilled. ‘He’ll be company for Grandad too.’ She didn’t voice her more private thoughts, that having Danny here on Christmas Day would be a pleasant thing for them all. ‘Cathleen would be glad to have you here as well,’ she finished lamely.

‘I hope you’ll be pleased too,’ he remarked softly, and when she blushed to the roots of her light brown hair, both Danny and Aggie couldn’t help but notice.

Suddenly, though, Emily’s mind was filled with thoughts of John, and when the emotion became too much, she picked Cathleen up and excused herself. ‘I’ll be outside if you want me,’ she told Aggie.

In a moment she and the child were dressed against the winter cold. In another moment they were gone, and for Danny the room seemed terribly empty.

‘She’s a bit on edge lately,’ Aggie explained. ‘Every day she waits to hear from John, and every day she’s disappointed. It’s been over two years now, and there’s not been a single letter. It meks me hoppin’ mad to see what she’s going through, poor lass.’

Danny couldn’t understand it. ‘All I can say is, he must be mad. To have somebody like Emily waiting for you is every man’s dream.’

‘The child too.’ Aggie knew it had become common knowledge that John was Cathleen’s father. ‘Though, as far as I’m aware, he doesn’t yet know of his daughter’s existence.’

Danny would have given anything for the child to be his. ‘Wouldn’t his Aunt Lizzie have let him know – about the child, I mean?’

Aggie let her thoughts dwell on that for a while. ‘Happen she has. Happen she hasn’t,’ she said at length. ‘As far as I can tell, Lizzie’s not one for the writing. She’s the first to admit she’s a poor scholar, bless her heart.’

‘It all seems a rare mess an’ no mistake,’ Danny said reflectively. ‘She still wants him though, doesn’t she?’ Danny had waited in the wings long enough and lately wanted so much to declare his love for Emily. ‘I mean, she wouldn’t consider anyone else, would she?’

Aggie shrugged. ‘That’s not for me to say. If I were you, I’d be patient a while longer. But don’t give up,’ she advised knowingly. ‘I’ve seen how she smiles more when you’re around.’

‘Do you think so?’ Now it was Danny’s turn to smile. ‘Well, I never!’

When the teapot was empty and the muffins all gone, Danny thanked her. ‘I’ll be off to my work again now,’ he declared, and put his muffler back on.

Emily saw him from the bottom fence; she and little Cathleen had been watching the birds feed on the lard thrown out by Aggie earlier. There had been a clear space under the shelter of the barn-roof where the snow had not yet penetrated. It seemed all the birds in the air had swooped down on that one tiny spot, and were excitedly jostling for the juicy niblets.

‘Danny’s going,’ she said as the child pointed to the birds, her face a wreath of joy at their antics. ‘We’d best go and see him off, eh?’

With Cathleen in her arms, she made her way to the cart. ‘Away now, are you?’ she asked.

‘Wish I didn’t have to,’ he said. ‘I’d be more than content to stay here with you and the bairn, but I’ve got a living to earn.’

‘We’ll see you tomorrow though, won’t we?’ As soon as the words left her lips, Emily felt compelled to shift her meaning. ‘I mean … you will be able to persuade your father to come along, won’t you?’

‘Oh, I see!’ he teased her openly. ‘So you’ll not want me if I have to come along all on my own?’

‘Oh no!’ Now she really was embarrassed. ‘I didn’t mean that, only it would be good for him and Gramps to get together and talk about old times, don’t you think?’

As the child opened her arms to go to Danny, Emily let her loose. In spite of her deeper love for John, it always did her heart good to see the honest love between Danny and her child.

With one strong arm, Danny held Cathleen on the rim of the cart. ‘When you’re bigger and your mammy allows me, I’ll take you off on my rounds – what d’you think to that, eh?’ He laughed out loud when the child gave him a wide, happy grin. ‘Oh, so you’d like that, would you?’

‘I’m sure she would,’ Emily remarked, ‘but that’s a long way off yet, so don’t get her hopes up.’ There were times when she felt she had to curb the growing bond between these two, and other times when she thanked the Good Lord for it.

Lifting the child once more into his arms, and content to let her entwine the strands of his hair round her tiny fingers, he asked Emily in a sincere voice, ‘Do you want to know what I think?’

Momentarily lost in thoughts of John, and how she would explain Cathleen to him, Emily was jolted back to the present. ‘Sorry, Danny,’ she apologised. ‘I was miles away.’

‘I can see that,’ he remarked softly. ‘I was just asking if you wanted to know what I really thought?’ He had no doubt but that she had been ‘miles away’ with John Hanley, but he made no mention of it. Instead he went on, in the same steady voice, ‘Just now you asked what I thought about the two old fellas getting together to talk about past times. And I’m trying to tell you that there are other things on my mind at the minute.’

‘What kind of things?’ She knew that he had special feelings for her. At first it had been a worry, but lately she had come to see him for the true friend he was, and had come to rely on that friendship; every minute he was here, she honestly enjoyed his company.

Right now though, she suspected he was about to try and deepen their friendship into something else – something she wasn’t ready for and probably never would be. Suddenly, she was on the defensive. ‘Please, Danny … not now, eh?’

‘All right, my beauty.’ He loved her too much to go against her wishes. ‘But I think you already know that it would make me the happiest man on God’s earth if you’d agree to be my wife. You could have whichever home you wanted … I’m not short of a bob or two.’ His gaze shifted to the child. ‘I could give this darling lass a name and a father … if only you’d let me?’

When instead of answering she cast her gaze down, he felt mortified. Taking her by the hand he apologised. ‘Aw look, I’m sorry … opening my big mouth yet again. I know I should keep my feelings to myself, but it’s so hard sometimes.’

Emily looked up. ‘I understand,’ she conceded. ‘But you know how it is. I’m John’s woman. I can’t change that, nor would I want to.’ Hard words but they needed saying.

He gave a sad little nod. Then his smile warmed her heart. ‘Forgive me, eh? Don’t have me shot if now and again I take the liberty of reminding you that I’m always here, if you ever need me.’

‘I know, Danny, and I’m very lucky to have a friend like you. You’re a lovely man, but instead of wasting your time on me, you should be looking for someone who is free to give you all the love you deserve.’

Danny’s gaze softened. ‘Don’t you understand?’ he murmured, taking a step forward. ‘As long as I live, I can never look in any other direction. The truth is, my beauty, if I can’t have you, then I want no one.’

Emily was cut to the core. ‘No, Danny! Please don’t talk like that. You were made for family life – for children and such. I don’t want to be the one who deprives you of that.’

For a long moment he looked at her, at that pretty face and those quiet brown eyes now scarred with sadness, and he couldn’t bear it. ‘Whatever decision I make, it’ll be my decision and no one else’s. You remember that, and remember this too. Other than you, there is no woman on God’s earth I want, nor ever will.’

Choking with emotion, Emily reached up and with the greatest tenderness stroked his face. ‘I’d give anything to love you as you deserve,’ she said, ‘but I’ve already given my heart away. I’m so sorry, Danny. Really I am.’

‘Ah, it’s me that should be sorry!’ Grabbing her hand he pressed it to his heart. ‘Do you forgive me?’

She didn’t hesitate. ‘There’s nothing to forgive,’ she said.

With a quick smile and cheeky wink, he confessed, ‘I can’t say I don’t wish you would change your mind, but I promise I’ll try and keep my feelings to myself from now on.’ Making the sign of the cross over his heart, he looked a sorry sinner. ‘Cross my heart, and may all the milk turn sour if I’m lying!’

At the sight of his eyes rolling heavenward and that naughty, twinkling smile, Emily burst out laughing. ‘You’re a devil, Danny Williams, so you are!’

‘Well now, will ye look at that!’ Hugging the child into his chest, he swung her round. ‘We made your mammy laugh. Isn’t that something, eh?’ Plonking a quick kiss on Cathleen’s forehead, he handed her back to Emily. ‘I’d best get on, or I’ll have my father breathing down my neck when I get home!’

With one easy movement, he swung himself onto the cart. The great churns were stacked behind him. From the foot of the cart Emily watched him stow the nosebag and pick up the reins. It was a privilege to have him about, she thought, and these days, with no word from John, she desperately needed someone to talk to. Danny was a kind-hearted, honest sort of a bloke, and she respected him enormously. Up to now though, that was as far as her feelings went.

Danny, though, had fallen for her straight away, ever since he’d returned to the village. Twice he had asked her to wed him, and twice she’d refused. All along she had been honest with him. She didn’t love him, she explained, and never could, not in the way she loved John.

But little Cathleen loved him, and sometimes, in the dark of night when sleep eluded her, Emily would look at her darling child and the doubts would creep in yet again. Should she put the child first and give her a proper daddy who would love and care for her? Should she give up on John, who now seemed to have given up on her? Was she being unfair to her mammy by denying Danny the chance to be a son-in-law to her, and a father to Cathleen? Right from the start, Aggie had taken to Danny. And it was painfully obvious that little Cathleen adored that good man. What’s more, her daughter would probably love to have a younger brother or sister.

Sometimes, Emily believed she was being selfish in putting her own feelings before those of her loved ones. And yet, how could she give herself in marriage to someone she didn’t love in that way? So many questions. So many doubts, haunting her through the long, sleepless nights.

But then, when morning came the questions faded beneath her steadfast love for John.

She couldn’t deny she had grown fond of Danny, and it pained her to keep rejecting him, but what choice had she? In her deepest heart she had always believed John would come back. She believed it now, and would go on believing it, until all hope was gone.

Right now, there were three men in her life: her old grandfather, who had bad days and good days, but was always a kind and loving man; then there was Clem Jackson, whose presence was like a dark blanket over the sun. If only he’d go! No one wanted him here at Potts End.

And then there was Danny! A gem of a man, wasted in his affection for her, but nothing she could say would make him see that.

‘Some of this milk came from old Daisy at Glebe House Farm,’ he was telling the wide-eyed Cathleen. ‘Up at four every morning she is, waiting first in line, bellowing her head off, to have her bursting udders emptied into this here churn.’ Wiping the tip of his finger round the rim of the churn he sucked on it and rolled his eyes. ‘A gift from the heavens, that’s what it is!’ he sighed.

Winking at Emily, he leaned towards the child, his voice a magical whisper. ‘It’s what all the stars in the sky are made of. That’s what makes ’em twinkle so bright.’

His eyes grew wider with amazement. ‘Do you know, I wouldn’t be surprised if all the little children in the world were made with Daisy’s milk. That’s why their pretty little eyes twinkle and shine. Daisy mixed the magic into her milk and when the Good Lord made the children, He gave them each a little sip.’

Lowering his voice he shifted his gaze to Emily. ‘He must have given some to your mammy too, because whenever I’m near her, all sorts o’ wonderful magic begins to happen.’

For the briefest of minutes, there was an awkward pause between them. Emily didn’t know quite what to do or say, and Danny longed to take her in his arms and kiss her until she came to love him the way he loved her.

But then he realised he had almost spoiled the moment, so returning his attention to the child, he pointed to the little pools of spilt milk on the floor of the cart. ‘Will ye look at that! You know what that means, don’t you, eh? Well, I’ll tell ye. It means the cat will have it, and give it to the kittens, and that’s why the kittens are able to see in the dark. I bet you didn’t know that, eh? I bet you didn’t know it was Daisy’s magic milk that made all the cats see in the dark?’

Emily laughed. ‘Give over, Danny Williams! What should we do with you, eh?’

As his gaze fell on her upturned face, he was about to say, ‘Marry me, that’s what you should do with me.’ Instead, he laughed with her. ‘It’s true!’ he protested. ‘Daisy herself told me – and she’s never lied to me before.’

Now, as he poured a small measure of milk into the palm of his hand and gave it to a stray cat who had grown wise to his daily treat, the tiniest of smiles lifted the corners of Emily’s mouth. There was no denying he brought a measure of sunshine and joy into their lives, she thought. With that mop of wavy dark hair and those laughing grey eyes he had such charm and sincerity, and a way that instantly endeared him to both animals and children alike.

In fact, throughout the village of Salmesbury she knew of no one who had a bad word to say about him. There were plenty of lasses who fancied him, though.

Suddenly, Danny hopped down from his seat. ‘I’ve yet to pass the time o’ day with your old gramps,’ he reminded Emily. ‘That’s if your mammy doesn’t mind?’

‘I’m sure that’ll be fine.’ Emily was glad he wasn’t rushing away, though time was wasting and she would soon have to get on with her own work. There were so many chores still to be done, it left little time for socialising. ‘He’s always glad to see you,’ she said. ‘You leave him chuckling every time, and we’re all grateful for that.’

He gave her a sideways glance. ‘The village clown, that’s me.’

Emily was horrified, and put him straight at once. ‘You’re nothing of the sort! You’re a warm, intelligent man who’s full of the joys of life, and somehow you always manage to make a person feel good.’ Smiling up at him, she told him from the heart, ‘It’s a real gift you have, Danny. And you seem to be the only one who doesn’t realise it.’

When he smiled back, it was a free and easy smile that spoke volumes. ‘So, there’s hope for me yet, is there?’ His words carried a mixed message and Emily was quick to pick up on it. So, instead of answering, she hastened her steps and got to the farmhouse door before him.

His voice followed her. ‘So there’s no hope – is that what you’re saying? Aw, you’re a wicked woman, Emily Ramsden, a wicked, wicked woman!’ He feigned desperation. ‘Aw, come on now. Give us a kiss and we’ll say no more.’

Suppressing her laughter, Emily rushed inside, and almost fell in the sitting-room door.

‘Good God, lass!’ On her knees, Aggie had been cleaning out the fire-grate, and as she looked up, the small shovelful of cinders tumbled to the hearth. ‘Whatever’s the matter?’ By now, Emily had dropped the child on the sofa and was heartily chuckling. ‘What’s tickling you, eh?’

Composing herself, Emily explained. ‘Danny’s behind me. He wants to see Gramps before he leaves.’

Aggie smiled knowingly. ‘Oh, I understand. And I suppose he’s been weaving his magic on you and the bairn, has he?’

‘You could say that,’ Emily answered. ‘Sometimes I wonder if he’s not mad as a hatter.’

‘Oh aye, lass, he is mad,’ her mother agreed. ‘Mad on you and the bairn, that’s what.’

Afraid she and her mammy were about to get into a deeper conversation, Emily changed the subject. ‘Is it all right then, if I take him up to see Gramps?’

‘That is, if it’s no trouble.’ Danny came to the doorway.

‘It’s no trouble at all, and well you know it,’ Aggie chided. ‘What! Tom Isaac would never forgive me if I let you leave without seeing him.’ Pointing a blackened hand towards the stairs she told Emily, ‘Go on then, lass. Take him up, and take the child with yer. Your grandad’s been asking after her.’

While Aggie continued with cleaning out the grate, Emily climbed the narrow winding stairs to the upper part of the farmhouse. Behind her came Danny, who insisted on carrying little Cathleen, who all the way entwined his hair round her tiny finger, until he feared she’d soon have it out by the roots. But he didn’t mind. In fact it gave him a comforting, fatherly feeling.

The old fellow must have heard them tramping up the stairs because when they entered his room, he was already struggling to sit up. ‘Easy now, Gramps!’ Rushing forward, Emily helped him get comfortable. ‘How’s that?’ Plumping up the bolster, she made sure his back was properly supported. ‘Comfortable, are you?’ Aggie had lit a fire in the little grate earlier, and the small bedroom was warm.

‘Stop fussing, woman!’ Visibly thinner, his face deeper-lined by the passage of time, Thomas still had fire in his eyes and a sharp tongue when needed. But now as he spoke to the child, his eyes softened and his arms opened to take her. ‘An’ what ’ave you been up to, young ’un?’ he asked with a crinkled smile. ‘Been out there feeding the birds, ’ave yer?’

Danny put the child into his arms, where she sat for a while, looking up at the old man and chuckling at whatever he said, even though she didn’t really understand half of it.