No Going Back

Grabbing a clean uniform and underclothes from a shelf, he shoved them into a backpack, intending to snatch a quick shower at the first opportunity. As he straightened, he caught sight of himself in the small mirror over the dresser and nearly groaned aloud. His beard was longer than he normally allowed it to grow, and his skin was burnt to a mahogany hue. He’d lost some weight while he’d been on assignment and his face was leaner and harder than usual. He looked every inch a mercenary, and it was a wonder to him that Kate Fitzgerald felt comfortable enough to follow him anywhere.

Returning to the Humvee, he saw she was holding a cell phone out the window, fruitlessly searching for a signal. Throwing his backpack alongside her duffel bag, he opened the door and prepared to climb in beside her.

“Give it up,” he advised drily. “There’s no service over here.”

Drawing her arm back into the vehicle, she turned to him in dismay. “But how am I supposed to communicate with my people? With Tenley?”

Before he could answer, two soldiers rounded the corner. One of them, Sergeant Mike Donahue, called out to Chase.

“Hey, welcome back.” He shook Chase’s hand. “Tough break about the stand-down order. Have you been over to see Charity yet?”

Chase glanced at Kate, seeing the open curiosity in her eyes. “Uh, no. We just got back a few hours ago and I haven’t had time. But as soon as I finish up here, I’ll go see her. How is she?”

Donahue shrugged. “She hasn’t been the same since you left. She just mopes around waiting for you to come back. Man, she is going to flip when she sees you.”

“Uh-huh. Well, thanks for keeping an eye on her. I’ll be over as soon as I can.”

“You bet.”

Chase climbed in beside Kate, but didn’t offer an explanation. He could see the speculation in her eyes and knew she thought he had a girlfriend. How would she react if he told her that Charity was a homeless dog he’d rescued from the streets? He and his men had been performing a house-to-house search in a small village when they’d come across a group of boys abusing the dog. Chase had intervened, but he knew that as soon as he and his men left, the boys would continue to torture the poor animal. She’d looked at him with such soulful eyes that he hadn’t had the heart to leave her. That had been six months ago, and she’d been with him ever since. The K-9 unit kept an eye on her when he was gone and had been teaching her how to track, which she picked up quickly.

He turned toward Kate, who was still trying to find a signal on her cell phone. “Look, I have a satellite phone in my housing unit. You’re welcome to use that.”

“That’s fine for right now, but what about when we leave here and go to the next base?”

Amusement curved his mouth. “You think we have no way to communicate with the States? I promise you that ‘your people’ are only a phone call away, and a phone will be made available to you whenever you wish.”

She continued to look at him, expectation written all over her face. Chase gave an exaggerated sigh. “Fine. C’mon, you can make your call now.”

Climbing out of the Humvee, he opened the door to his CHU and indicated she should precede him inside. As he dialed the code for outgoing calls, he watched her out of the corner of his eye. She was staring with interest and undisguised dismay at his tiny rooms, even going so far as to peek into the bedroom at the rear. In the close quarters of the CHU, he could actually smell her fragrance, and his mind was immediately swamped with images of her spread across his narrow bed.

“Here,” he said, holding out the receiver for her. “You can make your call.”

She turned away from his bedroom and accepted the phone. He stood by her shoulder as she dialed the number, so close that he could see the tiny throb of her pulse along the side of her neck, and he had an almost overwhelming urge to bend his head and drag his mouth over the smooth skin.

Spinning away, he scrubbed a hand over his face. He was losing it. His only excuse was that he’d spent way too much time in the field, away from civilization. What other reason could there be for his unexpected reaction to her nearness?

“Tenley, it’s me, Katie,” he listened to her say. “If you’re there, pick up please.” She paused. “Okay, listen, there’s no cell phone reception over here in Afghanistan, so you’re not going to be able to call me.” Putting her hand over the receiver, she looked at Chase. “What time can I call her back?”

Chase glanced at his watch. “It’s four o’clock now, which means it’s seven-thirty in the morning on the East Coast. What time would you like to call her back?”

“She’s probably at the gym with her phone turned off. How does she expect anyone to reach her if she turns her phone off?” She blew out a hard breath and he watched as she pulled a small planner out of her shoulder bag and quickly flipped it open. As she scanned the appointments on her calendar, Chase watched the expressions flit across her face. Frustration, annoyance and then finally resignation. Removing her hand, she spoke into the phone. “Tenley, I see you have a crazy schedule today, so I’m going to call you back at six o’clock tonight. Please be there.”

Chase wondered if she realized she would need to wake up at two-thirty in the morning in order to place the call. He didn’t mind getting up at that hour, but he was trained to get by on very little sleep. Kate, on the other hand, had shadows beneath her eyes and he knew the extreme heat was sapping whatever energy she had left. With jet lag already kicking in, he suspected it would take more than an alarm clock to rouse her from a sound sleep at that hour. He found he was looking forward to the task.

She hung up the phone and looked at him. “Well, hopefully she’ll listen to her voicemail messages.”

“I’m sure she will,” he said smoothly. “We’ll come back in time to make the call.”

She nodded, looking around, her gaze lingering on a plastic container on his desk filled with red and black licorice drops. They were his one weakness.

“May I?” she asked, indicating the candy.

“Sure, help yourself.”

He watched as she unscrewed the top and reached in to take just two of the small drops. A stack of his mail lay next to the candy, and he didn’t miss how she furtively scanned the top envelope as she replaced the cover on the canister.

“Thanks,” she murmured, delicately popping a candy into her mouth. “Is this really where you live?”

“More like where I sleep, at least when I’m here, which isn’t often. I don’t spend that much time on the base.” He frowned, having told her way more than he’d intended. “C’mon, I’ll show you where you’ll be staying.”

He opened the door of his CHU, and after she’d stepped outside, turned back and grabbed the jar of licorice drops and shoved them into his backpack. Chase followed her to the Humvee, glad to be out of the confines of the CHU. As they drove across the base, he wondered how she would react when she saw the accommodations the USO had arranged for her. When they pulled up in front of a cluster of khaki-brown army tents, he sensed her confusion.

“Here we are,” he said briskly, getting out of the vehicle and retrieving her duffel bag and his backpack. He waved the driver on, and Kate watched in dismay as the Humvee rumbled out of sight along the dusty road.

“What do you mean, ‘here we are’?” she asked, coming to stand beside him.

She stared at the nearest tent, which Chase silently acknowledged looked as if it had seen both world wars. The canvas was faded in spots and sported patches and duct tape where the fabric had ripped or the tent had sprung a leak. The outside had been stacked with sandbags for protection and for insulation, as the temperatures could drop below freezing at night. Several female soldiers came out of the tent, their weapons over their shoulders. They gave Chase and Kate curious looks as they passed. Chase could hear feminine voices from inside.

“This is the best the USO could provide for sleeping quarters,” he explained. “I hope you don’t mind bunking with the troops for one night.”

He watched as Kate pushed back the flap that covered the entry. Two dozen or more army cots were lined on either side of the interior. Several female soldiers were stowing their gear in foot lockers, and the floor was covered with duffel bags and military gear. The women gave Kate a nod, but otherwise ignored both her and Chase. One cot was conspicuously free of gear, with only a pillow and a tightly rolled sleeping bag placed at the foot.

“I’m assuming that’s where I’m sleeping?” Kate asked Chase, eyeballing the empty bunk.

“You would assume correctly.”

Kate gave him a helpless look that went straight to Chase’s protective instincts. He silently cursed Colonel Decker for giving him this assignment, because he was within two seconds of telling her she could bunk with him in his CHU. Or without him in his CHU. He’d pretty much give her whatever she wanted if she would just stop looking at him like that. He reminded himself that he was an Army Ranger, a member of an elite force able to operate in any environment. Unless it was within fifty feet of a woman like Kate Fitzgerald.

Kate put her hands together and drew in a deep breath. “Okay. This is okay. I can definitely sleep here. Can you tell me where my client and her band will sleep when they arrive?”

“The concert will be held over at the parade field. There’s an administrative building nearby that the USO will use to house the bands while they’re here, but it hasn’t been converted yet.”

“Would it be possible to see it?”

“Absolutely,” he assured her. “Why don’t you stow your gear, and then we’ll grab something to eat at the dining facility before we head over there? I don’t know about you, but I could use a good meal.”

Hefting her pink duffel over her shoulder, Kate walked into the tent, and Chase could almost read her thoughts as she stared around her. The walls were reinforced with plywood, and army blankets hung from the roof supports between several of the cots, providing a minimal amount of privacy. As she stepped inside, Kate’s footsteps echoed on the plywood floor.

Seeing it through her eyes, Chase had to admit that it looked pretty bleak. Overhead, a large, flexible tube ran the length of the tent and pumped in cool air, but it couldn’t compete with the blistering temperatures outside and the interior was stifling hot and smelled like musty canvas.

Dropping her duffel bag onto the empty cot, she turned to him with an overly bright smile. “This will be great,” she assured him. “After all, it’s not like I’ll be doing anything except sleeping, right?”

He had another decadent vision of her, this time straddling his hips as he lay on one of the narrow cots. Oh, yeah. He’d been outside the wire for way too long. He’d told Kate point-blank that he had no intention of sleeping with her.

He’d lied.

4

KATE TRIED NOT TO LET Chase Rawlins see how completely horrified she was by the sleeping quarters he’d secured for her. Clearly, he belonged in this kind of Spartan, militaristic environment. He probably thrived on danger. He certainly looked as if he did.

Casting a dubious eye around the tent, she wondered how many spiders or other multilegged critters waited in the shadows.

Two soldiers lounged on their cots, chatting idly. Neither of them seemed concerned about eight-legged bunkmates, and Kate decided that if they could sleep in this tent, so could she. Pulling her small handbag out of her tote, she determinedly joined her chaperone outside the tent.

“So, can I call you Chase, or is there some kind of military protocol that demands you be addressed by your title?” she asked as they began walking across the base to the dining facility. “I’m sorry. I peeked at the mail on your desk. That is your name, isn’t it?”

He slanted her an amused look. “It is. I have no objection to you calling me Chase, unless there are uniforms nearby, and then I would prefer you address me as Major Rawlins.”

“Well, you can call me Kate even if there are other people around,” she said, unable to resist the urge to tease him just a little. He was much too serious. “I prefer it, actually. I feel old when you call me Miss Fitzgerald.”

Chase swept her with an all-encompassing look that missed nothing and caused heat to bloom low in her abdomen.

“I find that hard to believe,” he finally said, “considering you’re like … what, twenty-five?”

“Ha!” Kate gave a bark of laughter. “Thank you, but now I know you’re trying to flatter me. I just turned thirty-one.”

She could see by his expression that she’d surprised him.

“Really? I didn’t think you were much older than your client. Maybe it’s the freckles.”

Kate couldn’t suppress the pleasure she felt at knowing he had thought she was younger than she actually was. Unless he figured she was immature? He’d already implied she was nuts for having come over here by herself, when clearly no other celebrity representatives had felt the need to do so. But what he didn’t know was that her relationship with Tenley went beyond business. Tenley was more than just a client, more than just a sister. Tenley was like her own child, and she’d do whatever she needed to do to ensure her comfort and safety.

“I used to hate my freckles for that exact reason,” she said ruefully. “People always thought I was younger than I am.”

“I don’t know,” he said, studying her face. “I like them.”

To her dismay, Kate felt herself blushing. “That’s because you’ve never had them or been teased about them. Just how old are you?”

He grinned. “I’ll turn thirty-one next month.”

So they were essentially the same age. Kate felt a wave of relief, which was ridiculous. It wasn’t as if she had any interest in Chase Rawlins, regardless of his age. But a little voice whispered that she was a liar.

“When do the dining facilities open in the morning?” Kate asked, in an effort to move the subject to safer ground. She so did not need to be thinking about him in a romantic way. “Please don’t tell me I have to be up at some ungodly hour or risk going without breakfast.”

“For the most part, the peak hours are during the traditional meal times. But we also have a midnight chow, and then the dining facilities open for the day at 4:00 a.m.” He slanted her a quick grin. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure you don’t go hungry.”

Kate felt her pulse leap at his smile, and wondered how he would react if she told him she wasn’t hungry for food, but for him. Shocked by her own thoughts, she focused her attention on her surroundings. As they walked between the rows of tents and housing units, Kate’s feet kicked up dust and despite the fact the sun was dropping lower on the horizon, the intense heat hadn’t yet begun to abate.

“How do you tolerate the climate?” she murmured, passing a hand over her eyes. “I’ve never felt so hot.”

“Believe it or not, you do get used to it. In fact, it gets surprisingly cold at night.”

Kate cast an appraising eye toward the mountains, where the sun was just touching the peaks. She’d heard that the desert grew cold at night, but right now she had a hard time believing it. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Chase stopped in front of a long building constructed of corrugated metal. “These are the female facilities. The men’s showers are just on the other side. If you’d like, I’ll wait for you here.”

Kate stepped inside the women’s bathroom, relieved to see there were plenty of shower stalls. Traveling for forty-eight hours had left her feeling sticky and uncomfortable, and she couldn’t wait to get back here with a bar of soap and a change of clothes.

She washed her hands and then splashed cool water on her face, studying her reflection in the mirror over the sink. She looked pale. Her freckles stood out starkly against her skin, and her hair was coming loose from the ponytail holder. Pulling it free, she combed her fingers through it and then secured it in a loose knot at the back of her head. Pinching some color into her cheeks, she rejoined Chase outside. Reaching into his pocket, he withdrew a small, plastic device and handed it to her. Kate realized it was a beeper.

“If you need to use the bathroom during the middle of the night,” he said carefully, “I want you to ask one of the female soldiers to walk here with you, or I want you to contact me. This is a beeper that goes directly to my phone. Just press this button, and I’ll be at your tent in under five minutes. I’ll walk here with you.”

“I’m sure I can walk to the bathroom by myself,” she said, studying the small device. Raising her gaze, she gave him a leering smile in an effort to lighten him up a little. “Unless, of course, you want to scrub my back.”

To her astonishment, two ruddy spots appeared high on his cheeks and he stared at her for a moment as if he thought she might actually be serious. Kate waited breathlessly for his response.

“This is a combat environment, Miss Fitzgerald,” he finally said, dragging his gaze from hers. “There are more than twenty thousand troops stationed here, and while I can personally vouch for my own men, I can’t say with one-hundred-percent certainty that you would be safe walking across the base at night. So I need you to promise me that you’ll ask one of the female soldiers to accompany you, or you’ll contact me, understood?”

Kate swallowed. There was no way she’d call this guy in the middle of the night for any purpose, especially not one so personal. Just the thought of being alone with him after dark caused her imagination to surge. “I’m sure the last thing you want to do is escort me to the ladies’ room.”

“My job is to keep you safe. If you decide to go somewhere without me, I can’t guarantee that safety. So you will call me.”

His tone said clearly that it wasn’t a request, and Kate nodded as she dropped the beeper into her pocketbook. “Okay,” she promised. “I’ll call you. But only if you stop calling me Miss Fitzgerald and start calling me Kate. Jeez.”

They walked in silence after that, until they reached a large complex of buildings. Dozens of soldiers milled around outside, smoking cigarettes or talking, while other groups walked past them with purposeful steps.

“Here we are,” Chase said, pulling open a door to a large building as Kate breathed in the enticing aromas of roast chicken and grilled hamburgers.

The dining facility was essentially an enormous cafeteria, complete with soup and salad bars, a drink fountain, separate lines for hot entrees or sandwiches, and one section for desserts. There must have been at least five hundred soldiers either eating at the long tables, or waiting in line, and the noise level was so cheerful and normal that Kate had a difficult time remembering that they were in Afghanistan. The air-conditioning was a welcome relief from the dry, dusty heat outside, and she wanted to slither to the ground and press her overheated skin against the cool tiles.

“C’mon,” Chase said, accurately reading her thoughts. “Let’s start you with a salad and plenty of fluids. Traveling can dehydrate you, and I don’t need you to become sick.”

He steered her toward the salad bar and, without asking her what she preferred, took a plate and began heaping it with salad greens and toppings.

“Is that for me?” she asked doubtfully.

“What?” he demanded. “You don’t like salad?” He ran a critical eye over her. “Looks to me like that’s all you eat.”

Kate grimaced and took the plate from him. “Trust me,” she said drily, “I can wipe out an entire container of Cherry Garcia ice cream in one sitting and still not feel satisfied.”

To her surprise, he laughed. “I’d like to see that.”

She stared at him, transfixed by the way his smile changed his face. His teeth gleamed white in the sunburned bronze of his skin, and she felt a nearly irresistible urge to press her fingertips into the deep indents of his dimples. His grin was so captivating that Kate had a ridiculous sense of pleasure that she had been the one to cause it.

“Well, maybe one day you will,” she found herself saying as she returned his smile. In the next instant, she realized he would never see her gorge herself on ice cream. She would only be in his company for the next few days, until Tenley arrived, and then she would likely have no more opportunity—or reason—to share meals with him. Or anything else, for that matter. She found the thought oddly depressing.

“When you’ve finished building your salad,” Chase said, “grab a seat at one of the tables over there. I’ll go get us something a little more substantial to eat. What do you like … chicken, beef, pasta?”

Turning, Kate studied the menu board at the front of the food line. “I’ll try some of the fried chicken. And mashed potatoes.”

Chase nodded. “Good choice. It’s kinda hard to screw up chicken and potatoes.”

Kate watched as he turned and walked away, telling herself that she was not admiring his ass. But it was an effort to drag her attention back to putting toppings on her salad. She was vaguely aware of the interested glances she drew from several nearby soldiers, dressed as she was in a turquoise blouse and white jeans. Finally, she pulled a bottle of water from a cooler and selected a seat in the far corner of the cafeteria, where it was less crowded.

She picked at her salad, keeping one eye on Chase as he moved through the line, piling a tray with plates of food. When he finally made his way through the cafeteria toward her, she noticed how several female soldiers turned to watch his progress. She couldn’t blame them. Major Chase Rawlins had a combination of good looks and an easy confidence that captured your attention and then held it.

He placed the tray on the table and began unloading the plates. Kate stared in astonishment at the heaping servings of fried chicken and mashed potatoes that he had chosen for her. But that couldn’t compare with the double helpings of two different entrees that he had taken for himself. And he had no less than three bottles of chilled water.

“Are you going to eat all that?” she asked, before she could prevent herself.

But instead of looking insulted, he merely grinned. “Oh, yeah. I’ve been surviving on MREs for the past two weeks. This is going to be sheer ambrosia.”

“MREs?” she asked, taking a mouthful of potatoes. “What is that?”

“Meals Ready to Eat, although some of the troops like to call them Meals Rejected by Everybody, or Meals Rarely Edible. They’re prepackaged meals in a pouch, designed to provide the soldier with all the basic caloric and nutritional requirements for one day. They’re basically field rations.”

“Not so appetizing?”

Chase shrugged as he dug into a plate heaped with baked ziti. “They do the job. I don’t pay much attention to what I eat when I’m in the field.”

Kate could well believe that. He struck her as the kind of man capable of intense focus. If he was on a mission, one hundred percent of his attention would be on his work, not on food. She could easily envision him skipping meals simply because he was too busy to eat. But right now, he made short work of his dinner, devouring it with gusto.

“So what is it that you do, exactly?” she asked.

He glanced up, and quickly wiped his mouth with a napkin. “The usual.”

Kate gave him a half smile. “Which is … what, exactly? You said you’ve been in the field for the past two weeks. What do you do when you’re ‘in the field’?”

Chase shrugged and took a long swallow of water, nearly draining the bottle. “A lot of nothing, actually.” He gave her a quick smile. “At least, nothing very exciting.”

He wasn’t going to give her any information, she realized, studying his bland expression.

“Is it normal for soldiers to grow beards? I thought there was some strict protocol about being clean-shaven.”

He smoothed his hand over his jaw, and Kate found herself wondering how his beard would feel against her skin. Would it be soft or bristly? If he nuzzled her neck, would he leave a rash? Disconcerted by the direction of her thoughts, she fixed her attention on her food, pushing it around the plate.