A Girl’s Best Friend

‘I don’t hate this one,’ he announced, slamming the book shut. ‘Now go and get my coffee.’

‘That’s it?’ I asked, crushed. ‘You don’t hate that one so we’re done?’

‘I don’t hate that one so I’ll look at the rest later,’ he clarified. ‘Now you go and get my coffee and we’ll go through the rest of them after the shoot if I don’t decide it’s a complete waste of my time before then.’

‘Oh my God,’ 7 whispered, pulling me away after Ess shoved my portfolio into my chest and walked away, muttering to himself. ‘That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard him say about anyone’s photos.’

‘Really?’ I asked, a tiny spark of hope lighting up inside me. ‘That was nice?’

‘Have you met him before?’ he asked. ‘Don’t push it. That was a big compliment.’

‘Why are you still here?’ Ess barked, looking over his shoulder at me. ‘Why isn’t there a cup of coffee in my hand?’

Nodding, I threw my portfolio back in my bag and ran out the door. Two weeks I’d been there and I’d finally got him to look at my photos. If I could get Ess to give me some genuine feedback, I felt as though I could do anything. This must have been that ball-swinging feeling Agent Veronica had been talking about and I didn’t hate it.

As I jogged down the street I made another big ball swinging decision. Pulling out my phone, I opened up the internet browser and tapped in ‘New York flights’. There was nothing stopping me taking photos while I was in New York, was there? Maybe there would even be a course I could take. Donovan & Dunning’s American office barely closed for the holidays so I was far more likely to find something useful in New York than I was hanging around my mum’s house getting squiffy on Baileys and ignoring my sisters.

As soon as I’d picked up four flat whites, two Frappuccinos and a green juice, I told myself, I was going to book my flight to New York and work the rest of it out from there. Well, after I’d done that and finished the day at work, washed my face, gone home and had some tea. And packed. And called my mum. And done the online paperwork.

But once all that was out of the way, New York City, and the rest of the world, had better get ready for me.

CHAPTER SEVEN

‘TESS!’

Resplendent in a red velvet Santa hat, gold-glitter leggings, neon-blue fur coat and clutching roughly enough balloons to float a house, Amy Smith was impossible to miss as I walked through the arrivals gate at JFK. She fought her way through with the helium-filled herd, the biggest balloons practically lifting her off the ground as she hurried across the airport, bashing people in the head as she went.

‘You’re here!’ She threw herself at me, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist while Kekipi clapped and cheered behind her and half the balloons floated off up to the ceiling.

‘I’m so happy to see you,’ I said, dragging my case behind me with Amy still clinging around my middle like a glittery little spider monkey. ‘It feels like forever.’

‘It’s been forty-nine days and fifteen hours,’ Amy confirmed as she hopped to the ground. ‘God, Tess, you look knackered.’

‘That’s because I am knackered,’ I replied, trading air kisses with Kekipi. ‘I had to change planes twice to get any kind of cheap flight. Turns out it’s expensive to fly at Christmas. What time is it?’

‘It’s 1 a.m.,’ Kekipi said, taking custody of my suitcase as Amy grabbed hold of my hand. ‘What time did you leave London?’

‘Yesterday?’ I said, shaking my head. ‘But Amsterdam was today I think. And I got to see Chicago! Or at least I got to see the airport. But I’m here now, that’s all that matters.’

‘At least you can fly directly from here to Milan,’ he said. ‘Amy told you I’ve booked your flights? I want no arguing from either of you.’

‘You won’t get any,’ I said wearily. ‘Usually I would fight you on it but this one bankrupted me, so thank you.’

‘You’re welcome. I couldn’t have my bridesmaid missing the wedding, could I?’ he asked. ‘And you look wonderful. Look at those charming overalls, you’re so Madonna circa 1986.’

‘No, she’s right, I look like a tramp,’ I replied, stifling a yawn. ‘I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t wearing these. If it’s 1 a.m. here, what time does that make it at home?’

‘Party time,’ Amy said confidently. ‘Maybe a little bit past.’

‘That’s funny, it feels more like bedtime to me,’ I said, trotting through the airport, hand in hand with my best friend. I was tired, I ached from cramping my stupid long legs up in an economy seat, but I was so, so happy. Of all the spur-of-the-moment, credit-card-destroying flying decisions I’d made in the last year, this felt like the best one. ‘Can party time be tomorrow?’

‘I suppose,’ she replied. ‘I’ve got a few meetings in the morning but then we’re going to have the best time ever! I’m so excited. We’re going to do everything – carriage ride round the park, boat ride round Manhattan, sunset walk over Brooklyn Bridge – everything.’

‘Sounds like the most romantic holiday ever,’ I said as I craned my neck to peer out the windows, trying to catch a glimpse of the city. ‘Maybe Kekipi can keep me entertained while you’re busy.’

‘I will be drowning in wedmin,’ Kekipi said, miming himself hanging from an imaginary rope. ‘I can’t believe it’s so soon.’

‘Don’t listen to him.’ Amy slapped his hand back down by his side. ‘He’s been a total bridezilla. Domenico is a saint to put up with him.’

‘I’m actually going to Tiffany to look at china patterns,’ he confided. ‘I don’t know why I didn’t get married years ago, it’s wonderful. All you have to do is throw a party and people buy you obscenely expensive presents.’

‘Don’t worry, you don’t have to babysit me,’ I told them, a wave of exhaustion rolling over me. ‘I made a list of things I want to see on the plane and I can get started on my own.’

‘Of course you made a list!’ Amy clamped her arm through mine. ‘Just when I thought you’d really changed.’

‘Shut up,’ I told her sweetly. ‘I was researching courses and exhibitions and stuff, to see if there was anything I could do while I was here, and there’s a thing I want to enter. It’s a photography exhibition in a Manhattan gallery but they have a new-photographer type thing that’s open to anyone and the winner gets an apprenticeship with a working photographer. I’m going to enter.’

‘And win,’ Amy replied. ‘Are you going to enter a photo of me?’

I looked at her, smiling sweetly up at me, framed by red velvet, blue fur and a shimmering background of sequins.

‘We’ll see,’ I said, glancing over at Kekipi and his impeccably groomed and impressively raised eyebrow.

The double doors of the airport slid open and a blast of cold air slammed into me, turning every inch of exposed skin to fire and then to ice. My fingertips burned as I tried to hide my hands inside the sleeves of my jumper and my eyes began to water immediately.

‘Oh my God,’ I gasped, the wind catching in my throat. ‘Oh my God, it’s cold.’

‘Winter is coming,’ Amy said in an ominous voice. ‘Sorry, I should have told you to bring a proper coat.’

‘You should have told me not to come,’ I corrected her through chattering teeth. ‘It’s freezing! Amy, it’s so cold.’

‘Tess hates the cold,’ she told Kekipi as she breezed along towards a line of yellow taxis as though it was the middle of a sunny Tuesday in June. ‘She’s such a baby about it.’

‘I’m not being a baby!’ I protested, excited about the taxis but still wondering whether or not my nose had fallen off. ‘It’s about a million degrees below freezing!’

‘Not yet,’ Kekipi said, hustling me across the road. ‘But it will be tomorrow.’

I paused and looked up at a plane screeching above us.

‘Is it too late to go back?’ I asked.

‘Get in the taxi, you twatknacker,’ Amy instructed. ‘We’ll get you a proper coat tomorrow.’

‘A coat, a cocktail and a big handsome man to keep you warm at night,’ Kekipi added. ‘Something in a blond, maybe? With a beard for added warmth?’

‘Don’t get her excited,’ Amy told him as a taxi driver hopped out of his cab and popped the boot for my suitcase. ‘We’ve got to share a bed.’

‘I’m very glad you’re here,’ Kekipi said, wrapping me in a bear hug while the taxi driver screamed at Amy as she tried to force the remaining balloons into the back of the taxi. ‘We’ve missed your civilizing influence.’

‘And the scary part is,’ I said, watching as the driver began popping the balloons with a lit cigarette faster than Amy could get them in the car, ‘I’ve really missed her.’

For the third time in three days, I woke up without a clue as to where I was. Rubbing my eyes, I looked around the room. It wasn’t Charlie’s living room and it definitely wasn’t the departures lounge in Amsterdam. Thick cream carpets and heavy matching drapes made it look like the inside of a very swanky igloo, although it was considerably warmer than that, thank God. Turning over on my white pillow, underneath the white duvet, I saw Amy, flat on her back and snoring with her mouth wide open.

‘Amy,’ I whispered. ‘Are you awake?’

‘No,’ she replied, snorting twice and then rolling across the bed. ‘Go back to sleep.’

‘I can’t,’ I said. A quick glance at the clock showed it was 6 a.m. I’d only been in bed for five hours and I was wide awake. The wonders of jetlag. ‘Wake up!’

‘I am awake,’ she said, pulling the thick, fluffy duvet over her head. ‘I might not reply but I’m definitely awake and I’m definitely listening.’

I shuffled upright for a better look at the bedroom. I’d always imagined homes in New York to be either poky little shoe boxes or huge industrial loft spaces but I really should have known better than to expect any of that from one of Al’s homes. Amy’s room was huge, the bed taking up more space than her entire bedroom in London. The furniture was simple, with clean modern lines that made it look as though it had been brought in from the set of some sixties TV show, and huge, long swathes of heavy fabric hung all the way from the ceiling down to the carpets. Pin-thin lines of a brightening dawn ran all the way around them, promising a world outside these four walls.

‘Amy?’

My best friend snored in response.

Wired and tired and generally suffering from my impromptu long distance flight, I rolled out of bed and headed for what I assumed was the bathroom. The mattress didn’t even dip and Amy’s delicate snorts kept on coming.

‘Definitely awake, my arse,’ I mumbled, tiptoeing into the bathroom and shutting the door as quietly as I could.

The sun had only just begun to rise when I stumbled out onto Fifth Avenue, big sunglasses and an even bigger smile on my face. Bumbling towards a zebra crossing in the dawn light, snow seeping in through my Converse, my knees bound together by a floor-length sleeping bag of a coat I had borrowed from a wardrobe by the front door, I was cold, uncomfortable and ridiculously happy.

‘I’m in New York,’ I whispered to myself, not caring whether or not anyone could hear me. It felt so improbable. I was finally here, walking around a city I had dreamed of visiting for so long, just as though it was a perfectly normal thing to do. It was all I could do not to grab hold of passers-by, just to explain to them how excited I was.

Even though it was still early, not even seven, there were already so many people on the street. I sensed a certain solidarity in our matching coats and gave a small, smug nod to everyone I passed, feeling like such an insider. No touristy, inappropriate-but-visually-appealing jacket for me. Less than twelve hours in and I was practically a born-again New Yorker as I stopped at the edge of the pavement, waiting for the little white man to tell me it was safe to walk.

‘Hey! Watch it, lady!’

A tall man in a black version of my blue coat bashed into me, phone in one hand, coffee in the other, a frustrated look on his face.

‘Sorry,’ I spluttered, starting left then right as he tried to get around me. ‘I was waiting for the light to change.’

‘There’s no cars,’ he replied, waving his phone hand down the street before he stepped right into the street. ‘You need me to hold your hand? Watch where you’re walking.’

‘I’m walking here,’ I whispered, delighted as he walked off, giving me a surly look as he went. ‘Fugeddaboutit.’

I couldn’t think of another time when I’d felt this excited just to be in a place. Hawaii was paradise, Milan was beautiful but New York was electric. The green street signs, the slightly off spellings, the threat of parking tickets and towing fines in dollar signs all made my heart beat slightly faster. I held my camera in my freezing cold fingers and clicked away at everything I saw.

Without any idea where I was going, I started walking south along the park, following the flow of people and letting my mind begin to wander. How many times had Amy walked down this street since she got here? And Al? I knew Jane had chosen their house in Milan because it faced the park – had she picked this place for the same reason? I wondered how things had changed since they’d moved to New York in the sixties and how much was the same. Everything in my life seemed temporary at the moment; twenty-seven years of the same followed by six months of madness. It was so hard to know what I was supposed to do now. Carry on down this road of not knowing or go back to my old life with my tail between my legs? A partnership in an advertising agency with one of my best friends shouldn’t have felt like second prize but I couldn’t shake the feeling that accepting that would be settling.

And try as I might, I couldn’t stop my eyes from searching the crowds for his face. I stopped for a moment, reaching into my handbag to rest my hand on my passport, to find his note. It was strange sometimes, the thought of Nick was always there in the back of my mind but every now and then it popped up to say hello, punch me in the stomach and stop me dead in my tracks.

Nick lived here. I was in Nick’s city.

But New York was a big place, wasn’t it? I wasn’t about to bump into him on the street, even if I wanted to. I didn’t know which area he lived in, but I couldn’t see him rubbing elbows with Upper Eastsiders. That said, I could absolutely imagine him running up here. Every few minutes, a Lycra-clad jogger whizzed by me and disappeared into the park, like a lululemon-sponsored ninja. And in that moment, he was real again. He wasn’t a fading holiday hangover memory, he wasn’t the super human I’d built him up to be. He was just Nick, a man who might go running around the park of a morning. A man who walked and talked and breathed and ate and did everything the same as everyone else, here in this city. And all the arguments I’d had with myself, all the reasons I’d come up with not to call, suddenly seemed silly.

‘I could call him,’ I whispered, my fingertips finding my phone in my pocket. ‘I could send him a text to let him know I’m here.’

Before I could act, my Nick-induced trance was broken by a loud snuffling and heavy breathing around my shins. I looked down to see a huge, smiling golden retriever wearing a purple puffa jacket and slobbering on my jeans.

‘Hello,’ I said, bending over as far as my coat would allow to pat his happy head. ‘What’s your name?’

‘Don’t touch my dog!’ His owner, wearing his very matching purple puffa jacket, yanked on the dog’s lead and pulled him away down the street.

‘So friendly,’ I muttered as the dog made eyes at me over his shoulder.

I stared at the phone in my hand but the moment was gone. I wasn’t ready. What if he didn’t want to see me, or speak to me? I didn’t want to ruin my first day in New York. I’d call him later.

With my phone safely zipped away, I carried on my march along Central Park, washing away thoughts of Nick Miller by filling my brain with a million new memories. Across the street I saw tall men in grey coats and top hats, hurrying in and out of buildings with snow-covered green awnings, opening the doors of long black cars for women wearing floor-length furs and sunglasses, and on my side, men in jeans and two pairs of gloves were setting up shiny steel food carts as far as the eye could see.

The carts looked so out of place, all bright colours and unappetizing photos of greasy doner kebabs hanging from them, right in the middle of the elegant, icy neighbourhood. It would make a great picture, I thought, as I watched one of the men blow into his hands while he watched out for a customer.

‘Excuse me …’ I sidled up to one of the carts and gave the sullen-looking owner my brightest, non-teeth-chattering smile. ‘Hello.’

‘Hot dog?’ he replied. ‘Two dollar.’

‘Oh, yes, I do want a hot dog,’ I said, pulling my camera out from inside my coat where it was safely nestled in my armpit. ‘And a coffee—’

‘Three dollar,’ he said before grabbing the handle on a silver lid to reveal a bucket of hot dog sausages, resting in an inch of unpleasant-smelling hot dog juice. ‘Onion?’

‘Oh, no!’ I waved my hands madly as he started fishing for a limp sausage with a bun in the other hand. ‘If it’s all right, I want to take your photo first?’

He didn’t say anything.

‘Me, take photo?’ I pointed at my camera and held it up to my face, making clicky noises. ‘Photo of you?’

‘You wanna take my picture?’ he asked, dropping the hot dog back in the grey water with a splash. ‘Sorry, it’s early, I didn’t get ya’ right away. No worries, hun, snap away. This is my best side.’

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