I Am

Annie Moonlight

I Am

Don`t Blame Me

Don`t blame me for my love to you,

The choice was not on purpose.

It came to me so unexpectedly, it’s true

I never listened to its voice.

***

Now I have loved and my love’s forever,

I realised this too much late.

But please, don’t blame me for the things I never

Can’t give you… well, it maybe helpless fate,

***

An accidental word or something more

Your eyes… so deep and soft, your smile’s so tender.

I gave my loving smile only to you my love!

And never gonna smile again and never see your face, no more.

***

I see your passion, deeply feel your love,

And very sorry, it will pass for you.

You will forget. My love will grow.

But I must kill this love inside of me, I know.

***

Please leave me on my own, leave me my suffering and pain.

Don’t try to catch my look, to feel my smile, to see my face.

Don’t make me cry, don`t make me be a perjurer in vain.

My love is endless and for real, it is no more a game.

***

But still for you it is.

That’s why I’m bleeding deep inside.

My honey friend, forget about me, I beg you please.

Don’t perish me, don’t blame me anyway for me there’s no joy and light.

25.09.1996

Annie Moonlight

Another World

Another world begins for me, -

A world of sadness, cruel reality and endless pain.

Those happy years all flew away like a dream

And left my heart in past again.

***

But never gonna go back in past again.

Those times of naughty childhood, smiling youth are gone.

My world is strong and not in vain

I’ll try to block this pang to go on.

***

Another world begins for me

A world without love and care.

I’ve lost my everything and now there’s no need

To look around and cry for help.

14.10.1996

Annie Moonlight

FOREVER YOUNG

Dedicated to my beloved uncle Farhad

Forever young he was – and so he died,

Forever nice, forever good, forever straight.

Forever proud and so much naive all the time,

Forever smiling, understanding, flying in this cruel world.

***

Like butterfly, like little bird – so light and joyful all his life,

But great and noble – just like medieval knight,

Forever young he was with open smile,

With hopeful eyes, with his disinterested heart.

***

Forever young, forever tall, forever child,

Forever in the flame, forever martyr, never asking ‘Why?’

Forever searching, climbing high,

Forever taking beats from Destiny and never giving cry.

04.11.1996

Annie Moonlight

I Will Survive

Upon your death I swear for this tomb,

Upon your life I swear now, my heart,

Upon my love to you that never was in past,

Upon great heaven now I swear that I will survive.

***

I swear no one can break my heart,

I swear I will always smile for you

No tears, no torment, no heartache anymore to start

I must believe in me to go on this time.

***

Above me heaven kind and merciful for good,

Beside me people who I love for true,

Inside me fair memories of you,

Outside it may be chilly – but my heart is warm and fair is my soul.

***

And no one in this world can make me cry and put me on my knees.

I won’t look back, I promise you my dear friend!

And won’t cry those bitter tears

I will remember you with smile, with love, without evil,

***

I will remember just the way you used to be –

So open hearted, cheerful and good,

The best one I would ever see

The way you loved me simply giving more than one heart could.

***

I will remember your sweet face, your proud look

Your clear blue eyes, your pretty smile

And that’ll do for me to grow

To raise my eyes, my head, I will survive.

04.11.1996

Annie Moonlight

A Caged Bird

A jolly little bird was flying high

She smiled to everyone and just enjoyed the life.

From time to time she gave a sign

But that was when she had a boring time.

***

So time passed by and bird never cried but petty tears,

And never knew what was to grieve for real

A moment came – a moment changing all her life

A man with strong and warm warm arms

***

Once set his mind on seizing little bird

So poor little bird gave in without a cry and so easily,

Well, she was happy being so easily captured

And everything was fine for birdie from that time

***

Except for freedom that she lost some time

And birdie cried, she cried just only happy tears

And sang for man to make him pleased and ease his life

But caging her he took the key and left one of the nicest days.

***

And birdie waited and that waiting cut her like a knife

She waited pending his return and singing day and night her melancholy songs

But poor little thing in vain, in vain expectance was!

Where could she know she cried the tears, the bitterest of all.

***

She grieved and grieving was for real

A man had gone. He left for good and now

What did remain to her but cry without any glimpse of hope, and the bitterest appeal?

'Where is my freedom'? – Whispered little pet.

***

'You lost it willingly. Have you forgotten?' – a voice above her said

And she gave up and stopped complaining

When everything was said and done.

She cried all tears out, waited all expecting.

***

There's no use in looking forward when all dreams are gone,

And birdie went on sharing her grief with silence

A grief kept grieving at her heart – she suffered asking ‘Why?’ from time to time.

06.11.1996

Annie Moonlight

BE YOURSELF

Sometimes they say that you are good,

Sometimes they think you're bad, you're cruel,-

Depends on ther relation, their mood.

But be yourself – no change – be who you are.

***

And be yourself when you're in trouble,

And be yourself when flying from the joy.

And be yourself in spite of every grumble,

And you will see the light in turn.

***

No one would dare take your pride or courage,

No one could ever see the way you feel,

No one could realise your grieve, your joy,

So never worry – be yourself.

***

Your wealth and treasure – in your heart,

Just see your soul, see – who you are,

Just learn yourself– no finish, no start,

Go on– and you will find your star!

***

So be yourself in light and darkness,

Be who you are– the only one who's true.

Well, be yourself when rain and thunder-

Above your head – and hell is under.

***

The only remedy, the only drug for you -

To find your real face – no wearng mask.

You cannot run away from you, -or are you a fool?

Go on – and be yourself and pass this difficult task.

18.08.1997

Annie Moonlight

The Insight

“Let the Light Be!”

The Wholy Bible

How can one live in darkness having light?

And feed oneself with hatred and obscurity and disbelief?

Eternal peace and rest and insight will fulfil your soul by the time

When you throw off all that cluster of dark thoughts for good, believe!

***

Your epiphany is in the fight with the Unseen and Evil.

Remember: human passions make them perish all the time.

But Spirit craves not for Vengeance, in Forgiveness its salvation is.

Because Revenge will never bring comfort or peace to mind.

***

And the Revenge will just repeat itself within the circle of low-minded feelings,

And passion cluster! It will drive your soul deep into the corner.

You won’t even notice how you’ve changed and these

Are not the words that rude, oh no, my friend!

***

It’s all the Heart to blame, that has become so rough like stone,

Eyes full of pride and arrogance!

Oh, how you bemired yourself leaving simplicity behind you soul,

How wrong you made to yourself with this contempt of yours!

***

You try to look prettier and to furnish nicely home,

But only vivid soul will stay with you!

And God just only cares about salvation of this sacred soul,

And all the prophets for its cleanness warned you!

***

Then why to break the rules of Harmony and Nature,

Which even animals will never dare to break?

The truth is that in this world there's no more evil creature

Than a human being.

***

Then why to sew evil – doing evil to yourself

While even little mindless creatures live happily on earth?

And losing yourself in this fiery desert,

Keep bringing only flaws to it, instead of Dream, forsooth!

***

And the strongest is the one who had endured all hurricanes of Life

And quenched his thirsty Spirit the same time.

The strongest’s not the one who lost his power in the battle of Life,

And lost his faith, having become rude, senseless, tough.

***

And having turned out to be a false substitute of human,

Cold to the pain and suffering of others

And being not capable to love – only to hate, to scorn!

And beggar in the soul, still being hungry for love, for tenderness.

***

Oh no, not the one is strong who’s knocked down by the obstacles of life

And changed his love and faith for empty passions,

Buried his hope in water deep inside

And lost his face, his soul’s wealth.

***

Who changed his heart for arrogance and pride,

Forgot his sins and blamed the ones beside.

While his soul was the throne of ignorance and hypocrisy, lie

But he did not behold the flaws of own heart.

***

And only the one who took all challenges of Life

With no fear and was wounded many times

And still survived with heart of fire and with faithful heart

Can stand up tall and strong inside.

***

Whose soul became so wide and open that

Could embrace all loving that the life would bring.

His heart is generous and simple like a child.

There’s no place for envy or for jealousy in it.

***

No musty hypocrisy or lofty pride can find there place,

But only betrayal can break a heart of brave!

This heart will never understand it why it happened to them,

But still will fly on soothing his spirit with a pray.

***

Pray is a food for Soul,

The flesh is feeble but the Spirit is free.

And only when faith is strong and firm

Bright is the mind and high is the flight – then one can break all chains inside of him.

12.09.2000

Annie Moonlight

In Stead of Thee

(Adieu to Love)

In stead of thee*… thy* face, thy smile, thine eyes, -

Imagination that creates the while*

Orb of a tear* would have cleared my mind,

Thou wert* a phantom all this time.

***

And now – what I have instead of thee?

The shade* that hid us from the pain,

Your vestiges*– that stil alive on it,

Some pictures – yet I see again.

***

Fain would I give my heart for love!

What will you say if I come through*?

How can one blame m efor this soul?

May you forget this all – for good?

***

By now – in stead of thee – thy vows* that you broke,

Thy words – you would deny ere they were told,

This couch of pain* and so much more –

All of the feelings I review alone.

***

Vale*, my friend, fruıtless dream,

There’s nothing else to say or do,

Behold*, the martlet* in the sky may grieve,

As pallid* Dove of Hope flew to the Realm* of Memories so soon.

21.11.2000

Annie Moonlight

Thee (old English) – you

Thy – your

The while – all the time

Orb of a tear – tear

Would – used to

Wert – form of the verb to be

Shade – shelter

Vestige – a trace

Picture – here: photo

Fain would I – I would willingly

Come through – confess

Vow – oath

Ere – before

Couch of pain – bed of sufferings

Review – here: remember

Vale (veili) – forgive and good-bye

Behold – look, see

Martlet – swallow

Pallid Dove – pale-to-death dove

I called you my best friend…

“Man proposes, God disposes”.

The Proverb

I called you my best friend,

Put in you my trust.

I would never change it –

For all this world’s wealth.

***

I used to believe you,

It would be so good.

***

We two had no secrets.

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