He pushed himself upright, raising his arm to wipe the tears, snot and vomit from his face. A soft noise to his right caused him to whip his head around and Daniel closed his eyes against a fresh roll of shame as he realised Mia had finished upstairs and leaned against the open patio door, her head tilted to one side as she watched him quietly.

Chapter Four

Mia stayed still as she watched Daniel struggle not to fall apart before her. His chest heaved, lungs working like a bellows as the air sawed in and out. There was a smear of vomit on his chin, more down his dark sweater and across the sleeve where he’d scrubbed at his face.

She recognised the signs of an impending meltdown when she saw them; had suffered plenty herself over the past couple of years. His obvious distress tugged at her. She didn’t want this man, this intruder in her house. The rational part of her recognised that his presence wasn’t voluntary, and she made a mental note to give Madeline a call later and voice her ire at the correct source of her dilemma.

Mia wanted to carry on as she was, hiding away and burying herself in the work to try and bring Butterfly House back to a semblance of its former glory. It was a Herculean task—even with the help and support of Madeline and Richard.

Her target for opening to guests was slipping further into the distance and part of her was glad of it. If the house wasn’t ready, then she didn’t have to be ready to deal with the outside world. Her grand plan to move forward with her life had turned into a different type of inertia. Perhaps it was time to act, time to take a chance and help someone else, and just maybe help herself at the same time.

Daniel raised a hand to cover his already shut eyes and his shoulders quaked. Moving before she was aware of what she was doing, she reached out to take his other hand, heedless of the unpleasant dampness of it.

‘Daniel, come inside with me and let’s get you cleaned up. It’s all right, darling. It’ll be all right, I promise.’ She tugged gently on his hand and gave an encouraging nod when he dropped his big hand to blink at her through the moisture clinging to his lashes. The sparkle of his tears drew her attention to the stormy green colour of his eyes.

Walking backwards she maintained eye contact as she led him through the empty room and back into the relative warmth of the kitchen. She guided him back to the table and he didn’t resist when pressed into a chair. She dashed through to the dining room to close and latch the patio doors, her stockinged feet sliding across the wooden floor as she hurried back.

Pulling the kitchen door closed, she cocooned them in the warmth from the Aga. Daniel hadn’t moved from the spot she had placed him in and Mia gave him a worried frown as she went over to the sink and turned on the hot water tap. She quickly rinsed her hands, washing off the vomit and snot and supressing a little shudder. Not the time to be squeamish.

Retrieving a plastic bowl from under the sink, she filled it with warm water and fetched a clean towel from the drawer. After placing them on the table, she gripped Daniel’s chin, turning his face towards her. He remained passive while she washed his face, letting her turn his head this way and that as she wiped away the traces of his outburst. She rinsed the towel out in the bowl, then cleaned off his hands with the same concentration, keeping her touch gentle, stroking his skin until he began to stir.

Daniel opened his mouth, no doubt to apologise for his behaviour, but she shook her head and tapped him under the chin to close his mouth. ‘Arms up, Daniel. Let’s get this nasty sweater off you.’ Taking care not to let the dirty material touch his face, she eased the garment over his head and bundled it up with the dirty towel. Turning away, she shoved them into the washing machine, adding them to her grubby pyjamas and dressing gown. A quick twist of the dial and the soothing hum of the machine filled the air.

‘You got a toothbrush in that duffel bag of yours?’ Mia asked, pointing towards the big bag that lay just inside the back door. She waited for him to nod before digging around in its contents until she gave a little grunt of satisfaction as she located and retrieved his wash kit. ‘You’ll feel better once you rinse your mouth and clean your teeth; I always do,’ she said trying to put him at ease.

Deciding a cold drink would probably be welcome, she fetched a can of Diet Coke and a bottle of mineral water from the fridge, before resuming her seat from earlier, one foot tucked beneath her in her habitual position. She’d regret it soon enough when the pins and needles started, but it was a habit she’d developed in childhood and never grown out of.

She watched Daniel rinse and spit, rinse again then dry his face and hands. He was braced over the sink taking deep breaths and the tension in his shoulders told her was trying not to be sick again. Without any real thought, she crossed to stand behind him and rubbed his back softly. Making circles with her hand, she stroked the tense muscles until they yielded beneath her touch.

Stormy green eyes met hers over his shoulder and she twisted her lips into a semblance of a smile, though there was little true mirth in it. ‘What a pair of fuck-ups we are,’ she said bluntly.

Surprise widened his gaze, chasing away some of the desperate vulnerability she couldn’t miss. She knew that look, knew it well, and it helped to crystallise her decision. ‘I don’t want to hear your sad story, Daniel. Nor do I want to tell you mine, so I’ll make a deal with you. You can stay here for a week and get yourself together and in return I expect you to work on the house to earn your keep. There’s a list of things to do as long as your arm. I wasn’t joking when I said I didn’t have a room fit for habitation. I’ll get you a quilt and a pillow and you can crash on the sofa. Tomorrow you can pick one of the rooms upstairs and we’ll clean it up so you have somewhere to sleep tomorrow night. That’s my only offer—take it or take off.’

Mia hoped he’d take it. She knew what it was like to hit rock bottom and Daniel seemed close to that. It was time to move forward and she could manage a week. There were plenty of dirty, heavy chores on her list that he could help with. A bit of hard work might be just what he needed.

‘Thank you.’ His voice sounded rough, his throat clearly raw and dry. Mia stepped back, gathered the drinks and offered them to him. He reached for the Diet Coke, popping the tab and gulping at the cold, sweet liquid. She waited for him to drink his fill, wary in case it came back up, but he seemed more settled now that she had agreed to let him stay for a few days.

‘A couple of the rooms upstairs are en suite so I’ll sort the bathroom out while you sort the bedroom. Can you manage tonight without a shower? The only useable one is in my room and I just can’t have you in there.’ She turned away, needing to put some distance between them, muttering to herself as she resumed her seat. ‘I just can’t have you in my space.’

Mia crossed one arm over her chest and rubbed her other shoulder. The body language was defensive, but she couldn’t help it. With each passing moment, panic rose. She wanted to rescind her offer, shove Daniel out the door and erect all her barriers again. Danger! Keep Out! No Trespassing! She forced her hands down into her lap and tried to relax and keep her breathing calm.

‘You’ve done more than I could ever have expected under the circumstances. I’m sorry to put you in this position.’ His quiet tone sounded soft and sincere. With a rueful laugh, he continued. ‘But apparently not sorry enough that I can bring myself to do the honourable thing and leave you in peace. I will do my best to repay you with a lot of hard work and I wouldn’t dream of invading any more of your home than you are comfortable with sharing. A hot shower and a proper bed will be motivation tomorrow to get stuck in.’

Mia felt his eyes on her but didn’t want to meet them. She crossed over to the kitchen window, pulling the curtains closed over the rapidly darkening sky. ‘It gets dark so quickly this time of year.’ She rolled her eyes at her inane remark; her back was turned so thankfully he didn’t see her. The decision was made and it was time to face up to it. Hopefully they would find some neutral ground where they could both relax a little and adjust to the other’s company.

She’d always been a feeder by nature, a nurturer. It was a source of deep regret that she and Jamie had not felt ready to have a child because at least then she would’ve had a piece of him to care for. They’d been young, eager to explore the world together, revelling in the selfish bliss of just their own company, not having to split their attentions on anything other than each other. They had their whole lives ahead of them, Jamie had said. No need to rush into a family.

A burst tyre and a slick, wet road had robbed them of their future; those dream babies that Mia had pictured holding would never fill her empty arms. ‘Shit, shit, stop it, Mia!’ She shook her head to dislodge the memories threatening to encroach.

Needing to hide for a moment to regain her compose, she crossed the kitchen and entered the narrow pantry that ran the length of the room. It was a treasure of a space. Sturdy, wide shelves down one side and a built-in wine rack at the far end. The bare stone floor helped to keep the temperature cooler than the rest of the kitchen, but was brutal underfoot this time of year, even with thick woollen socks on.

Mia grabbed the cob loaf wrapped in a muslin cloth and returned to the main kitchen space, wiggling her feet gratefully on the warmer floor in front of the Aga. She unwrapped the bread and tested its freshness. She’d baked it a couple of days ago, but the cloth had helped to keep it from drying out. Opening the fridge, she retrieved half a roast chicken, a pot of single cream and some stock. She placed them on the board and turned back towards the pantry. Daniel watched her, a slightly quizzical expression on his face.

‘I thought I’d make some soup, nothing too testing if your stomach is still feeling a little rebellious. We’ll both feel better for a hot meal, I think.’

She carried on past the table and back into the pantry to root in her vegetable basket for the bits she needed to thicken the soup and up the nutritional punch. Since moving to Orcombe, she’d made a conscious effort to eat well, having neglected herself for too long after Jamie’s death. Cooking and baking had always been a source of comfort and enjoyment. Originally it had been a chore that she had learned through necessity thanks to her mother’s negligence and her father’s steadfast refusal to notice his wife’s drink problem.

As the oldest of three, it had fallen to Mia to assume the responsibility for the day-to-day care of her two sisters. Each of them had taken on a different role to survive their upbringing. Kiki had been the pacifier, covering for their mother and making excuses for their father spending so many hours buried in his work. Nee had been the warrior protector of her elder sisters. A tiny bundle of spirit and fury from a young age, she was the one who verbally sparred with their father, driving him to distraction and the sanctuary of his study in her vain efforts to get his attention. Her exhortations to their mother to put down her glass and give a damn led to tears on both sides.

Together the girls had done their best to look out for each other but they had scattered to the winds as soon as they could. Mia and Kiki to young marriages; Nee to art school and more recently overseas. Mia glanced over to the pinboard at the postcard of Times Square lit up in all its seedy glory. She hadn’t heard from Nee since that last card had arrived about three weeks ago and it struck Mia suddenly she had no idea where her little sister was other than somewhere in Manhattan.

‘I’m not a great cook, but I take instruction well. Is there anything I can do to help?’ Daniel’s deep voice broke through her reverie.

Mia blinked at him, trying to gather her thoughts before pointing to the cooked chicken. ‘You can shred the meat from that if you don’t mind; that would be a great help. Take it over to the table with you so that you don’t get under my feet. I’m not used to anyone else in the kitchen these days.’

‘But you used to have someone else in your kitchen?’ Daniel prompted and Mia couldn’t stop her whole body from stiffening.

She kept slicing and chopping, her hands working automatically as she reeled under an assault of memories. At least Jamie had never been in this kitchen. It was her own space, manageable most days. ‘No sad stories, remember?’ She jabbed her finger at the radio on the countertop next to her.

A commercial music station filled the kitchen with a rhythmic beat and Mia flicked the volume up a couple of notches, erecting a wall of sound that separated them. She chopped the vegetables with a practiced hand, added them to a large saucepan with the chicken stock and set it to simmer on the top of the Aga.

Daniel bent to his task, stripping the meat from the carcass of the chicken, shredding it as he placed it on a clean plate. Mia paused to check his efforts before she returned to the stove, tapping a wooden spoon against the pan in time with the music as she checked the progress of the soup.

The music caught her in its rhythm and she swayed and sang along, waiting for the stock to boil. She couldn’t carry a tune to save her life, but she loved to sing. Aiming for the high note in the chorus, she missed her target by a country mile. A soft chuckle behind her reminded her that she wasn’t alone.

If her face glowed, it was the heat from the stove and most definitely not a blush.

Chapter Five

Daniel relaxed back in his chair and focused on Mia. He was surprised to find that he was hungry after his earlier disgrace, but the scents filling the kitchen soothed him and gave him a little more strength to push away the embarrassment threatening to rise again. And not just over his performance earlier. He’d have to call his client from yesterday and apologise for his unprofessional behaviour.

Over the last year, his agent had pushed him into more and more private sittings, trying to turn him into a half-baked celebrity snapper. Soap actresses, footballer’s wives, and the idle rich had jumped at the chance of a personal portrait sitting with sexy, brooding Fitz, so bloody Nigel reckoned. He couldn’t deny the money had been good, more than good, and the constant round of parties had been fun. Until suddenly they weren’t.

Yesterday’s client, a sweet girl engaged to her childhood sweetheart who’d been swept into the celebrity bubble because he could kick a ball, had borne the brunt of his hangover and short temper. When she’d shown him into the carefully staged room and spoken earnestly about learning about composition in GCSE art classes, something snapped inside him.

Storming out on a stream of curses, he’d gone straight to his favourite pub to try and drown his sorrows. The row with Giselle over failing to escort her to some stupid party had been the final straw.

Guilt sent an uneasy roil through his stomach. Somewhere along the way, he’d turned into the kind of self-absorbed wanker he’d first sneered at when arriving in London. Don’t think about it. He wasn’t ready to face a serious bout of introspection; he needed to use the week ahead to put some space between himself and the mess of his life that he had so abruptly fled from that morning. Hard physical work would be just what he needed. A couple of days to breathe, to sort out his head and get back on track.

Needing distraction, his eyes skipped to the long list of chores Mia had pinned on her wall. If nothing else, he would help her cross at least a few of them off. It would be good to do something productive and make his muscles ache from labour rather than his head aching from too much booze and the other rubbish he’d been shoving into his body over the past few months.

The phone, lying forgotten on the table in front of him, began to ring startling Daniel. He looked at it with trepidation, wondering who was intruding on the little cave of solace he had found in the kitchen. Mia scooped up the handset and shimmied back towards the radio, turning the volume down a little as she answered the phone.

‘Oh hey, Richard.’ The warmth in her tone drew Daniel’s attention and he met Mia’s eyes as she pulled a little face and shook her head as she listened to whatever Madeline’s husband had to say.

‘Yes, I know, I know…you don’t have to tell me she acted inappropriately, Richard. I didn’t call her up and ask her to dump a random stranger on my doorstep.’ Daniel flinched at that comment and Mia raised a hand in half-apology at him as she continued to hmm, and uh-huh and all those other noises that women universally made when they were on the phone.

‘She had a feeling about what, exactly?’ Sharpness entered Mia’s tone and Daniel squirmed, feeling even more the awkward intruder. He moved away from the table towards the stove, trying to put some distance between them and give her some semblance of privacy.

He glanced over to Mia and pointed at the pot and the stove and mimed stirring it and she flashed him a thumb’s up. Lifting the lid, he closed his eyes in appreciation, swaying just a little as the aroma of the soup filled his nostrils. His stomach growled as he gave the pot a stir and he tried hard to give it his whole focus and close his ears to the hushed tones coming across the room. It was useless.

‘I don’t need rescuing, Richard. I’m doing just fine… Oh okay, okay, yes you can call bullshit on that, but I don’t think I’m ready for company yet… No, no, you guys don’t need to come over… I’ve told him a week, just a week and he’s going to help out around the place.’

Mia crossed the room, phone still under her chin, and tapped Daniel on the arm. She pointed to the bread and then the knife rack before circling back around the table towards the phone holder on the wall.

‘You know I can always use your help around here, Richard. Yes, and Madeline too, although she and I will be having words tomorrow… Uh-huh. Nine should be fine. I’ll make bacon sandwiches to get us going… Yep, yep. Bye.’

Daniel placed a mountain of freshly sliced bread on the table, quickly followed by two steaming bowls, and was rewarded with a smile of gratitude from Mia. The phone call had upset the equilibrium achieved during their mutual preparation of the meal, the outside world inserting itself into the warm cocoon of the kitchen. He felt like he should apologise again for intruding, but the selfish part of him didn’t want to give her an opportunity to ask him to leave.

The station on the radio switched to a mellower selection and he let the music and the warmth of the soup bring him down from the turmoil of the past couple of hours. Dipping his spoon into the hot liquid, he took a taste. It was perfect and he let go of everything as he let the soup nourish him body and soul.

His spoon soon scraped the bottom of the bowl and he grabbed another piece of bread to mop up every drop he could before leaning back in his chair, sliding down a little to stretch his long legs out. The warmth in his stomach spread through him, chasing away some of the hollowness and the remains of the shock following his earlier breakdown.

The previous jitters lurked still, threatening to rise if he let his thoughts stray to anything beyond the room around him. Especially if he thought too hard about the mess he’d left behind in London. He shoved them all into a corner and squashed them down, fixing his mind on the harmless task of counting things. There were twelve slate tiles to each row across the kitchen floor, fifteen rows in total. Eight cupboards, fourteen flowers on each curtain. Gradually the fluttery edges of panic smoothed away.

He’d have to deal with everything, but not just yet. A week, she’d said. Everything could be put on hold for a week. Forget Fitz, get back to being plain old Daniel Fitzwilliams. He’d wipe the slate and start fresh for this one week and try and figure out exactly who that was, or more importantly who he wanted Daniel Fitzwilliams to be.

***

Mia woke with a start and stared at her old friend, Mr Damp on the bedroom ceiling, trying to work out what had disturbed her. The second slam of a car door sent her straight out of bed and over to the grubby windowpane as she peered down to the driveway below.

She watched in disbelief as Daniel ambled out of the back door towards Madeline and Richard. They were all dressed practically in jeans, T-shirts and old jumpers. Mia glanced over at the clock on her bedside cabinet and squinted in disbelief at the position of the hands. Five past nine? What the hell? She never slept that late.

‘Damn, damn damn!’ Mia rummaged through her drawers, throwing old jeans and a long-sleeve T-shirt onto the bed before dashing into the bathroom, underwear in hand. She blinked and scowled at her reflection; the bloody Mohawk mice had been to visit in the night again and she had a big crease down one side of her face from the pillow. A quick wash, teeth scrubbed, hair vaguely wetted down and she rushed down the stairs, socks in hand and still buttoning her jeans.

She pulled up short at the closed, locked door at the bottom of the stairs before she remembered that Daniel had insisted that she shut herself in the night before.

‘Not that I’m a raving maniac or anything, regardless of my behaviour today,’ he’d said with a self-deprecating grin. ‘But I am a stranger in your home and you are not used to someone else being here, you said. If you lock the door, you might rest easier.’

It had been a gracious thing to do, putting her at ease, and it had clearly worked given how well she had slept. For the first time in weeks there had been no nightmares. No waking up to the echo of her footsteps tapping on the cold tiles on that endless walk through the hospital corridor towards the room where Jamie waited for her, cold and lifeless. Pushing away the macabre images before they could take hold, she unlocked the door and let the sound of the living draw her away from the dead.

Mia entered the kitchen, pausing on the threshold to absorb the scene before her. Madeline stood at the Aga frying bacon, brandishing a spatula at Richard who was buttering bread and laughing at some rude comment he had made to her. Daniel leant against the back door, a cup of coffee in his hand, watching the couple with a wistful smile on his face. He looked less grey and haunted than the day before; perhaps they’d both managed a decent night’s sleep. He stirred and the smile warmed as he sensed Mia’s presence.

‘Umm, Richard and Madeline are here,’ he said and gave her a helpless shrug.

‘So, I see,’ Mia said dryly as she stepped further into the kitchen and moved towards Richard’s open arms. She rested her head on his chest and let him enfold her in his fatherly embrace. Both he and his wife had waged a gentle, but insistent war against Mia’s self-imposed isolation. She’d resented their endless cheer at first, but now she wondered how she would have survived the past few months without them.

‘Hello, darling girl.’ Richard pressed a kiss to her forehead. ‘I’ve been dreaming about bacon sandwiches all night and we get here to find you still slugabed.’ He chucked her under the chin and winked. ‘You look better for it, still too pale for my liking though. I’m going to start force-feeding you Guinness if you don’t get some colour back in those cheeks soon.’

Mia shook her head and stepped out of his arms to turn towards an uncharacteristically quiet Madeline. Tension vibrated from her as she concentrated on the bacon on the stove. Slipping her arms around Madeline’s waist, she gave her a squeeze from behind. ‘Meddling, old bag.’ She pressed a kiss to Madeline’s cheek, feeling it twitch in a smile.

Mood lifting in an instant, the older woman leaned back into her. ‘Everyone needs a meddling old bag in their life, my dear. Although we prefer the term “Fairy Godmother” if you don’t mind. Now stop hanging off me; this bacon is done and Richard won’t raise a finger until we’ve fed him.’

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