Grey

My eyes were rimmed with dark circles, betraying my lack of sleep over the past few weeks. I scowled and reached for the hood of my jacket. As I did, I noticed something strange, just below my right temple. I tilted my head towards the mirror. It was a chunk of gray hair, as wide and nearly as long as my thumb.

‘You have got to be kidding me,’ I said to the mirror.

It didn’t talk back, but my phone alarm did. I messed with my hair until I managed to cover up the silvery streak. I didn’t know if I was starting to go gray at the ripe old age of eighteen, but I’d have to figure out the hair thing later. If I didn’t leave now, I’d be late for school. I flicked off the light and left Hugo’s apartment.

The shop was dark, but I didn’t need help finding the vending machine. I confiscated two bags of chips, a package of Oreos, and a Pop Tart, hoping they would appease my crazy appetite until lunch. I smirked at my handful of snacks. Hugo was right. I was going to eat him out of house and shop. I let myself out and locked the door behind me.

2. Hope and Fear

My stomach didn’t make it past fourth period. It rumbled loud protests – which I ignored – as I hurried down the aisle of the Sixes High School auditorium. Most of the class had already assembled. I slid into the third row and dumped my backpack in Avery’s lap. His face contorted.

‘Ow, man! Whatcha got in there? A bowling ball?’

‘Why do you ask?’ I plopped down smugly beside him. ‘Oh, I guess because that’s something a really weird person would do.’

‘Okay, okay,’ he said, shoving my bag at me. ‘I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. I was just making an observation, that’s all.’

Everybody has their quirks. For the most part, I accepted mine. But I didn’t need my recent blank-outs adding to my already sizable list. I slid my book bag underneath the seat and grinned. ‘Apology accepted.’

‘Hey, Sebastian,’ said a voice behind me, ‘are you going to audition for the play?’

I tilted my head to meet Katie Lewis’s bright blue eyes. She was practically bouncing on the seat behind me. Katie may have given some substance to that cliché about dumb blondes but, in reality, her grade point average put her at the top of our class.

‘Ah, no, I don’t think I’ll be auditioning. I’m better backstage, you know, in the shadows, where I can’t be seen.’ I didn’t consider myself a theater person – even though I did like Shakespeare – but after helping with one of the drama department’s shows, Katie had twisted my arm until I joined the club.

‘Oh whatever, Sebastian. It’s our senior year. You should at least try.’ She tapped her pencil against my arm. ‘You never know, right?’

‘Leave the acting stuff to Avery and Mitchell,’ I replied, jerking the pencil playfully out of her hands. ‘Just give me a paintbrush, stick me behind a wall, and I’m perfectly happy.’

‘Yeah,’ said Avery. ‘As long as you’re not on a ladder.’

‘Hey, I tried to warn the stage crew. Putting an acrophobic artist on anything higher than a chair is just asking for trouble.’

‘I’d never seen somebody’s face actually turn green before.’

‘Well, it’s a gift.’ I made a mental note to request another crew assignment for this year’s production.

The bell rang, and Ms Lucian sauntered through the doors, toting a stack of colored papers. She seated herself on the edge of the stage. No one knew exactly how old Ms Lucian was, with her youthful face and red-tipped black hair, but she’d been teaching drama at Sixes for a long time.

‘Good morning, my darlings,’ she said in a pleasant voice. ‘How are we today?’ There was an eruption of less than favorable responses from the masses. Ms Lucian’s brow arched ‘Okay, forget I asked.’

She began to call the roll. I hugged my legs to my chest and rested my chin on my knees. The drone of student names seemed to go on forever.

A girl’s face, veiled in shadows…

Her hands stretching. Reaching. Pleading…

A sharp jab to my stomach knocked me back into reality.

‘You’re doing it again,’ Avery whispered harshly.

Ms Lucian glanced over her clipboard, her eyes fixing on me. For a moment, I thought I caught something in her gaze, but then it was gone. ‘Did we not get enough sleep last night, Sebastian?’ she asked.

‘My apologies.’ Avery kicked my chair. ‘I mean, I’m sorry. No, I didn’t, really. Get enough sleep, I mean.’

Behind me, Katie smothered a laugh.

‘Well, let’s try to work on that, all right?’ Ms Lucian looked disapprovingly at my posture. ‘And do take your feet down off the seat, please.’

‘Yes, ma’am.’

What was going on with me? After all the sleepless nights, I supposed dozing off in class was pretty much a given. But zoning out like this was unnerving. I rolled my shoulders and tried to concentrate.

Ms Lucian continued. ‘Class, your assignment today is a project, but before you all kill each other choosing groups, listen up.’ She presented the papers. ‘I received these fliers in my mailbox this morning. The Circe de Romany is coming back to town, and they will be here for an extended run. According to this advertisement, they’ve got a lot of stuff going on at the Fairgrounds over the next few months, so you might want to check it out. Who knows, there might be some extra credit involved if you attend some of their performances.’

Ms Lucian distributed the fliers, and everyone pored over them excitedly. I wasn’t sure why, but my stomach suddenly bottomed out.

‘Check this out,’ Mitchell said loudly in my ear. He held the paper in front of his freckled face and then shoved it at me. ‘Finally, something to do on the weekends besides movies and bowling.’

I took the paper, looking it over skeptically. ‘So this is a carnival, as in, cheap rides and overpriced cotton candy?’

‘Nah,’ said Avery. ‘It’s way better than that. They were here two years ago, don’t you remember?’

‘I wasn’t here two years ago, Avery.’ I glanced up with a wry smile. ‘Thanks for noticing.’

‘Oh, right.’

Katie rolled her eyes at him. ‘You’re an idiot.’

‘Well, I noticed you, buddy,’ said Mitchell. He raised his arm dramatically. ‘It was halfway through our sophomore year. You walked into class, looking all lost and confused. I said to Katie, “Hey, it’s the new kid! Let’s tell him they hold PE classes on the football field and see if he falls for it!”’

‘Ah yes, fond memories,’ I replied. ‘And so was the detention I got afterwards.’

‘That was freaking amazing,’ said Mitchell, puffing out his chest.

‘Remind me again,’ I said, crossing my arms. ‘Why are we friends? Oh yes. Because I have a soft spot for charity cases.’

Mitchell punched me in the shoulder. ‘Nice.’

‘So anyway,’ said Katie, pulling our attention back, ‘to answer your question, Sebastian, the Circe de Romany come through Sixes every couple of years. They have rides and games, all that carnival junk. And they put up this huge tent and have all kinds of special performances. It’s actually pretty awesome.’

I studied the list of shows on the flier. It was true that Sixes came up lacking in the field of recreational activities. It was easy to see how something like this could cause a stir.

Mitchell leaned over to Katie. ‘So the Romanys will be back in school?’

My stomach did that same weird elevator drop again, and the muscles in my neck went crazy tight. I watched Katie, suddenly interested in her answer, even though I didn’t have a clue who Mitchell was talking about.

‘Oh gosh, yeah, she’s totally coming back,’ Katie said, beaming happily. ‘We’ve been talking a lot lately online. She says the Circe has leased the Fairgrounds until next spring, so she gets to attend school here for her senior year.’

Avery folded the flier, stuffing it into his pocket. ‘Just her?’

‘No, her brother’s coming too,’ Katie replied. ‘He’s not big on the home-schooling thing. He’s bored.’

‘He’d better be going out for the football team,’ said Mitchell. ‘He was a starter, back during freshman year, before they left town.’

The conversation continued, but I gradually lost interest. Whoever the Romanys were, I’d arrived in Sixes long after they’d left. Still, I couldn’t ignore the feeling in the pit of my stomach like a case of nerves. But since I didn’t have anything to be nervous about, I chalked the sensation up to my hunger. When the bell rang for lunch, I was seriously relieved.

The school’s campus resembled a small college, with separate buildings devoted to particular areas of study. As we made our way up the hill to the Common Building, the potent smell of school cafeteria food hit me full in the face. The odor grew worse as we crammed our way through the doors.

The cafeteria was packed, and I was glad our group opted for the picnic tables in the courtyard. Avoidance of crowds ranked high on my quirks list. We fought through the food line and escaped into the great outdoors. Avery made a beeline for a couple sitting at one of the far tables, and I held the door open for Katie as we followed behind.

‘Bet he’s going to rag Brandon and Emma,’ she said as Avery sprinted away. She gave me one of her knowing looks and smiled. ‘You know they’re like an official couple, as of yesterday.’

‘That’s nice,’ I said politely.

Her smile turned sly. ‘So, now it’s your turn.’

‘Oh no,’ I said, using my lunch tray as a barricade. ‘I’m immune to your schemes. No more trying to set me up. You do remember the Becky Drummond fiasco, don’t you?’

‘What?’ Katie shrugged. ‘She was perfect for you.’

‘She said I smelled like moss. Who says that on a first date?’

‘Okay, maybe not perfect.’

‘I know you feel it’s your God-given duty to bring me up to acceptable social standards,’ I said, trying my best to look solemn, ‘but I assure you, I’m a pathetically lost cause. Use your oozy matchmaker charms on some other poor soul.’

‘Oh, come on, Sebastian.’ Katie nudged my shoulder. ‘You’re funny, you’re sweet…’

‘And you sound like a commercial for a dating agency.’

Katie sighed. ‘Well, points for trying, I guess.’

‘Yeah,’ I grinned. ‘Always points for trying.’

Her laugh told me I’d won the battle. For now.

The afternoon sun was bright, even for autumn, and I yanked up my hood. I felt Katie’s disapproving stare. I’d be getting a lecture from her on the benefits of sun exposure before the day was through. She’d given me a few, usually when I’d back out of one of her trips to the lake. When it was sunny, Katie practically lived on her father’s boat, soaking in the rays. But the sun and I had never been friends. I resented the pounding migraines it inflicted, so I tended to hold a grudge.

We pushed through mingling students until we reached our table. Avery was sprawled across it, punching Brandon on the arm and congratulating him for snagging Emma, a cute girl with curly, sand-colored hair.

‘Hey, guys,’ said Brandon, scooting over to make room for us, ‘did everybody hear about the Circe coming to town?’

Anxiety jolted through me at the mention of the carnival. I pressed a hand to my stomach, not feeling as hungry as I had before.

‘Yeah, we were talking about it last period,’ Mitchell replied, holding up his slice of square-shaped pizza and examining it critically before taking a bite.

Katie pulled a bright green phone from her purse. ‘Yeah, and that reminds me, I’ve totally got to find out when they’re coming to school. I can’t believe it’s been two years!’

‘Let me know what she says,’ said Brandon as he polished off a strange concoction that I assumed was meant to be a burrito. ‘It’ll be cool to see them again. Maybe they’ll get us backstage passes or something to one of the shows.’

Emma laughed. ‘Yeah, like they’d let you back there, Brandon. You’d break something!’

He put a hand to his heart in mock hurt. ‘Hey, I’d be careful. I just like to look at stuff, you know?’

Avery pelted him with a hamburger bun, and everyone began talking about the Circe again. The louder their conversation got, the ickier I felt. I tugged my hood lower and studied the pile of soggy fries on my tray. The image of the Gypsy girl threatened the edges of my vision, but I stubbornly blinked her away. Freak class was not in session right now. I refused to provide Avery any more ammo to use on me today.

‘Check it out, guys!’

Mitchell pointed over the courtyard, and we followed his gesture passed the front of the school where the town’s main road ran parallel to the campus. A bright caravan of large tractor-trailers was passing by. Red paint spelled out the phrase Circe de Romany. The lettering was set against a background of orange and gold, with a design of swirling green vines and yellow flowers as the border.

Behind the trucks rolled several expensive-looking tour buses, branded with the same logo, and a cluster of smaller vehicles brought up the rear of the procession. The entire courtyard paused, watching the caravan amble down the road like a bright, twisting serpent.

The soft jingle of Katie’s phone caught my ears. ‘It’s her!’ she said. ‘They’re coming in tomorrow to register for classes!’

Avery leaned forward, rubbing his chin. ‘Well, I’ll make a point of being available to show her around.’

‘Yeah, I’m sure you will, Avery.’ Brandon huffed.

Lunch resumed, but I’d lost my appetite. I never skipped out on meals, but suddenly the three mustard-drenched corn dogs staring up at me were completely unappealing. Was I coming down with something? I pushed the tray aside and unscrewed the lid of my bottled water instead, wishing I had some aspirin. Beside me, Katie happily sipped a juice box. I cleared my throat, trying to appear casual, but feeling strangely unsettled.

‘So, who is the she you keep talking about?’ I asked.

‘Josephine Romany,’ she replied.

Hot chills ripped through my insides, like I’d plunged into a pool of lava and liquid nitrogen at the exact same instant. The shock was so strong that it sucked the air from my lungs. I pitched forward, clutching the edge of the table. Was it food poisoning? I stared at my plate. I hadn’t even eaten anything yet!

Katie grabbed my arm. ‘Sebastian?’

My airway opened again, and I could breathe. Was this an allergic reaction to something? I squinted up at the sky. Gradually the feeling passed.

‘Just a bad headache,’ I replied, pushing thoughts of various ailments from my brain.In a flash, Katie’s hand was in and out of her bag, this time, holding a bottle of Tylenol.I took it gratefully. ‘Thanks, mom.’

She poked me hard in the ribs.

The bell echoed through the courtyard, announcing that our brief stint of freedom was over. A collective sigh swept through the masses as students converged on trash cans and doors, disposing leftovers and shuffling to their next destinations. I parted ways with Katie, still feeling uneasy. Not to mention I’d barely touched my lunch.

The courtyard sloped downhill, ending at a covered breezeway. The shade felt good after being in the harsh sun, and I shoved my hood back, pushing hair out of my face. My stomach had settled, but my mind continued to swirl. The image of the dancing girl flashed in my head like the neon sign over the door of the tattoo parlor. But now, each time the image appeared, a name accompanied it:

Josephine Romany.

‘Sebastian, are you still there?’

I transferred my phone to my other hand as I buckled the seatbelt. ‘Yeah, I’m here.’

‘Weren’t you listening to me?’ Katie asked.

I paused, trying to remember what we’d been talking about. The two hours since lunch had been a blur, and my brain was mush. ‘Um…’

Katie sighed on the other end. ‘The project Ms Lucian talked about in class today,’ she continued impatiently. ‘When are we going to work on it?’

‘I’m sorry,’ I replied, starting the engine. ‘The pounding in my head’s making it difficult to think.’

‘Another headache?’

‘You know me and sunny days,’ I said dismissively. I stepped on the gas and coaxed my old van onto the road. ‘But about the project. I don’t know if I can do it this week. Can I get back to you?’

‘Yeah, just don’t wait too long. I know we’ve got almost a month to work on it, so Ms Lucian’s not going to cut us any slack, and the rest of our group is totally avoiding me about the whole thing.’

Katie hated procrastinating on anything related to schoolwork. This was probably killing her. ‘Look, don’t worry about it. I’ll talk to the guys, and we’ll come up with a day to work on it. I promise, we won’t let you down.’

‘Thanks, Sebastian,’ she replied, sounding relieved. ‘You’re not nearly as much of an idiot as the rest of your species.’

I chuckled. ‘I think you mean gender.’

She giggled. ‘No, I don’t.’

‘Talk to you later, Katie.’

‘Bye.’

I tossed the phone on the passenger seat and rubbed my temples. By the time I made it through town and steered my van into the parking lot of the Gypsy Ink, my headache had traveled, setting up residence between my shoulder blades. The last thing I felt like doing was homework.

I shuffled through the waiting room, giving a brief wave to Kris, who was busy behind the counter. I’d grab a quick snack and then lay out flat on the floor of the apartment for a while. Just until the aching eased. I paused in the hallway just outside the door of Hugo’s workspace. I didn’t have to say anything. My brother knew I was there.

‘Hey, Sebastian.’ He glanced up from his sketchbook. ‘What’s up?’

‘Do you have any sports cream?’ I leaned against the wall and squinted as a sharp pain lanced through my shoulders. ‘My back’s killing me.’

Hugo’s brows settled low over his dark eyes. ‘In the drawer beside my bed.’

‘Okay, thanks.’

I continued down the hallway, followed by the weight of my brother’s stare. He probably thought I was trying to get out of work, which wasn’t a bad idea. I chucked my bag on the bed and rummaged through Hugo’s nightstand until I located the tube of medicine. I worked the cream into my back, but it felt as if someone was digging long fingers between my shoulder blades, attempting to separate muscle from bone.

I gave up with the cream and stumbled to the bathroom on a quest for aspirin. Just as I reached for the medicine cabinet, another shock of pain doubled me over. I gripped the edge of the counter and straightened. My gaze flicked to the mirror. For a moment, I almost didn’t recognize the face staring back. I was crazy pale, even for me, and my skin made the hazel color of my eyes look dull. But then I noticed something else. Another chunk of gray was poking through my disheveled hair.

What kind of sickness produced symptoms like these? There had to be some reasonable explanation. I was just stressed. My body was worn down. I needed a weekend of sleeping in and watching mindless movies. Then I’d be back to normal. I jabbed my fingers through my hair until the discolored strands disappeared beneath the surface of the black.

But it didn’t matter. I knew it was still there.

And I was beginning to get just a little concerned.

3. Lost and Found

Katie was waiting for me in the school’s main lobby the next morning, holding a chicken biscuit in her hand. The sight of warm food made my mouth water. My breakfast had consisted of a bag of potato chips and three protein bars. I eyed the foil package innocently.

‘Is that for me?’

‘Of course. You’re always in a better mood after I’ve fed you.’

I grabbed the biscuit and hugged Katie at the same time. ‘My hero.’

‘Hey, I’m doing this for my benefit, not yours. I’ve seen how you get when you’re hungry.’

Katie tapped endlessly on her phone as we strolled to our lockers. She opened the door with one hand and pulled out a book. I managed to sneak a quick peak in her locker mirror. The two gray streaks in my hair were pretty well hidden. That was a relief. So was the fact that my back pain had disappeared, along with the image of the dancing girl. I’d actually slept most of the night. But something new was bothering me.

I took a bite of chicken biscuit, and I was surprised at how unsettled it felt in my stomach. I chewed in silence, letting my mind wander back to the day before, and the talk about the Circe de Romany.

Katie pocketed her phone. ‘You’re really quiet today.’

I raised an eyebrow.

She smirked. ‘Okay, quieter than usual.’

‘Maybe.’ I paused a moment. ‘Um, Katie?’

Apparently something in my expression was amusing. She twisted a strand of hair around her finger like a gold ring and winked at me. ‘Um, Sebastian?’

‘I was just wondering if you heard any more about the Romanys?’

Her brows lifted. Yes, she was definitely amused. ‘I have. Why?’

I played with the biscuit wrapper, choosing to stare at it rather than meet Katie’s gaze. But we’d been friends for a while, and it didn’t take long for Katie to read my thoughts.

‘Uh huh,’ she said. ‘By Romanys, you mean Josephine.’

Warm-and-cold sensations spiked through my body again. I pressed against the lockers to cover my reaction, but blurted, ‘What makes you think that? I don’t even know her!’ I abruptly stuffed a huge bite of chicken into my mouth to shut myself up.

Katie reached up and flicked a piece of biscuit off my shirt. ‘Cute, Sebastian.’ Her look made the blood rush to my cheeks. ‘But I’m sure all the guys have been talking about her,’ she continued. ‘So naturally, you’re interested, right?’

‘No. Just curious. That’s different from interested. Everyone else seems to know these people, and you’re obviously pretty close to her.’ I attempted a smile. ‘I just wanted a heads-up, that’s all.’

The heated chill passed, leaving only the warmth of embarrassment. This was almost worse than my zone outs.

‘Well, Josephine’s awesome. I totally get what they all see in her. Just remember one thing’, she jabbed her finger into my sternum for emphasis; ‘I consider myself her best friend, and I’m looking out for her. So don’t get any ideas.’

A startled laugh escaped my throat. ‘No worries there. Lost cause, remember?’

‘I’m signing you up to the audition, Sebastian,’ announced Mitchell, leaning smugly over his seat in the auditorium.

‘Don’t even think about it,’ I replied sternly. I continued to scribble in my theater notebook. ‘I’m not kidding.’

He only laughed.

I ignored him and studied my artwork. The massive circular patterns looked like batches of gray smoke engulfing the paper. Or maybe it was a representation of my churning insides. I hadn’t felt right all day. No, make that the last two days. Or whenever it was that I’d first heard about…

Katie’s phone vibrated beside me. She glanced down excitedly at the text. ‘Guess what, guys! Josephine’s in the office signing in.’

She was here.

It was as if the air had been squeezed from my lungs. My notebook dropped from my hands. Cold rushed over my skin, and I leaned forward, feeling myself in danger of falling out of my seat.

‘Sebastian?’

Ms Lucian stood over me. I swallowed hard and pried my fingers loose from the armrests. ‘I’m fine,’ I said, automatically, before she could ask. But I wasn’t. It felt like I was suffocating. ‘I’m going to check out some props for our project.’

I bolted out of the chair and up the stairs to the stage. I could feel everyone watching me the entire way. As soon as I had parted the curtains and was safely out of sight, I fell against the wall and slid to my knees. I stared into the rafters, then looked away before I imagined plunging to my death over the edge of one of the pieces of scaffolding.

Maybe I wasn’t diseased or suffering from cafeteria food poisoning. Maybe I was having a nervous breakdown. I was sick and shaky, and my body felt like I was taking a shower in alternating cold and hot water.