Yours Is Mine

Bedroom must be fine – mustn’t it? A quick glance over the bed, the floor, the dressing table. She took a sharp intake of breath. That photo should not be there. Far too compromising. There were some things strangers shouldn’t see. Not that Kate was really a stranger – Anna had done her research well. She picked up the picture and studied it. The photo was captured in her mind, but she still liked to reminisce over the physical object. Stroking it, Anna smiled. It could come on the exchange with her.

The door buzzer rang. It must be Kate! She mustn’t keep her waiting. She must be the perfect host. Anna took a deep breath, then ran to the intercom. It wasn’t until her hand was on the door latch that she realised she was still holding the photo. She felt dizzy at such a grave mistake so narrowly avoided. If she’d gone to greet Kate with a photo like that, it could spoil everything, put Kate right off. This was too important to ruin with a gaffe on that scale – this was Anna’s route to the future she had planned out. The future she deserved. Or at least would deserve if she didn’t make stupid mistakes before she had even got the set-up in place, she chided herself. Anna rushed back into the bedroom and tossed the photo quickly behind the dressing table. She would retrieve it later. Now she had to concentrate on Kate. Anna greeted her over the intercom and made her way downstairs to let her in. She would finally meet Kate face-to-face.

Anna wasn’t worried about that, although her subconscious had tried to claim otherwise. It bored her with dreams about falling. Rebelliously, night after night. In the dreams, there was a door opening into blackness and Anna would try to close it but would fail and fall headfirst into emptiness. Every so often, in a stratum of nothingness, there would be the glimmer of a movement, the possibility of a person, and a wonderfully beautiful face would spin out at her, an Amazonian goddess, all powerful thighs and long flowing hair. Anna would try to grab hold of her as she fell but the goddess wouldn’t save her; the vision was an illusion, a delusion, and Anna’s plummet continued down, down, down, past more spectres, more ghosts, who would not help stop her relentless descent. The contents of her flat were falling down the abyss too, somehow ricocheting off surfaces she couldn’t find, splintering and fragmenting as they did so. They shattered, the disintegrated pieces catching her up and embedding their shards in her skin, making her bleed. She looked back up from whence she came, and saw there was a shadowy male figure standing in the doorway, hurling the objects down onto her. She couldn’t make out who he was, but she could guess. He wasn’t welcome, but if he had to be anywhere her subconscious was the best place for him. Anna wasn’t going to have any truck with her subconscious, after all. She could and would keep it entirely separate from the rest of her. She would not allow it to give her doubts, particularly if the best it could do was to give her dreams about falling. Everyone had those – it was clearly just going through the motions, making a feeble attempt at getting her to reconsider. Granted, the dreams were pretty intense and Anna sometimes woke up shivering in anguish and feeling as nauseous as if she had spent the whole night falling down a tunnel. Her own fresh take on morning sickness. But she had a goal, and she was going after it. The nightmares were for night-time. They could remain there. Her subconscious could occupy itself in its nightly play-times however it wanted to. The conscious was Anna’s realm, and she was in control of it, of the situation, of everything.

True, meeting face to face would be a challenge. On the phone, people couldn’t see your face, read your expression, couldn’t judge you (or see you judging them). But Anna had prepared herself. She was confident she could control her emotions. She would be polite, positive, charming. She was curious now to see who she had brought to her doorstep, see what they were really like, drink them in, weigh them up, compare herself to them. Downstairs would be Kate. Anna would need to assess if she would be able to pass herself off as Kate, if she wanted to. That would be fun, it would work, Anna would enjoy it. She resolved to relish the moment when the door opened.

Besides, if it got difficult, she could just zone out, think about the future. She liked thinking about that. She had not slept last night for the excitement. It wasn’t that she had tried and failed. Anna didn’t do failure. Not in reality. She just didn’t go to bed. She wanted to sit up and think about the exchange, plan exactly what she was going to say, how to do the hard sell. And once the deal was done, what it would mean. What she would be about to achieve, and how good the result would be. A secure future, the life that she wanted. She could daydream indefinitely. No, not daydreams. Conscious plans. That she worked hard to achieve. And which Kate might be about to help her out with.

An extra dab of concealer had been necessary under the eyes this morning – Anna didn’t want people to think her life was tiring – but it did the trick. She was Anna again: calm, composed, poised. No evidence of her unrest remained, save that the bed looked even more fresh, inviting. It should do the trick. Anna would do the trick. Let the flat seduce Kate, Anna’s lifestyle woo her, the prospect of being Anna persuade Kate to let Anna live Kate’s life. Then Anna would get what she wanted.

Chapter 4

-Kate-

Kate shifted on her feet as she waited for Anna to open the door. She wished the other girl would hurry up before she lost her nerve. She smoothed down her hair and clothes again. It had been a bit of a walk from the hotel and she was feeling slightly windswept. She ought to have got a cab, she chastised herself. Unkempt hair suggested untidy living, which was not a great advert to somebody you were trying to swap flats with. She just hadn’t been able to resist the chance to walk. In part, she wanted to convince herself that she could still navigate around London; if she was a Londoner by nature if not by birth as she kept telling herself, she should be able to take the side streets without getting lost. She had forgotten that when she actually lived in London she would just have got a cab. It was amazing the excuses she had been able to think of to justify a ten-pound taxi fare, and having neat hair was one of the least tenuous.

It was the London buzz that had really compelled her to walk, though. As she had come out of the tube station on her arrival, she had been hit immediately by the vibrant pulse of the city she had not been to for two years. The scale of the noise and the crowds was much larger than she was used to, but far from being bewildered she breathed it all in, and relaxed. It was like coming home, she thought, re-entering the world of infinite possibilities. She had quickly checked into the hotel and deposited her bags, then bounded out onto the street again, ready to embrace the capital. She had been slightly disappointed to find she was staying in a small hotel off Euston Road rather than somewhere more glamorous in the West End, but the room was clean, it was only for one night, plus Anna was paying so it wasn’t such a bad deal, Kate told herself. Anyway, as a true Londoner, she should be happier staying out here rather than in the dead centre with all the tourists.

She’d furtively snatched a glance at the print-out from Streetmap that she’d brought with her, and set off. She was excited about meeting Anna. She had tried doing a search for her on the internet but her endeavours had yielded little result: there were too many Anna Robertses to choose from. She had ruled out Anna Roberts the curling champion, Anna Roberts the burlesque dancer, and indeed Anna Roberts the wannabe bull-fighter. No real basis for that, just a hunch. So she was going in cold. There would be a lot to find out in that day’s meeting.

Kate had soon found herself outside the door of the block of flats that Anna lived in. She was slightly underwhelmed by the building’s appearance. It was shabby, with paint peeling off the windowsills and scrawls of graffiti on the walls. She noted with distaste that the yard in which the building stood was strewn with litter, and had a pile of discarded furniture in one corner. She wouldn’t fancy going down there on a dark night to put the rubbish out – she only hoped the black metal rat poison containers placed strategically round the walls were actually refilled, although that seemed somewhat optimistic given the general down-at-heel feel the place had. Looking around her, she tried to notice the positive features. In its favour, there were some decent-looking cars parked in the yard, and the location was very good – there were assorted small shops and restaurants on the adjoining road and she had noticed it was only been five minutes’ walk from the tube. She imagined the ease with which one could pop home, change quickly and pop out again to dinner, maybe grabbing an emergency pint of milk on the way back. A far cry from the current reliance on cars and infrequent bus services in Kielder and Portsmouth. Besides, having seen a range of properties in her time renting, she knew the outside décor may just mean a landlord who took a relatively relaxed view of his obligations or an overstretched council, and that the inside may be a hidden gem. Accordingly, she had convinced herself to press the appropriate buzzer to announce her arrival and waited for Anna to appear, smoothing down her hair and clothes and composing her features for a greeting to ensure the impression she made was a good one.

The door opened. There was the customary moment before identities were confirmed and greetings were exchanged to allow the two women to appraise each other. Kate took in what she saw. In front of her was a willowy brunette, wavy long hair flicked back from a long slim, naturally made-up face, wearing a stylish but low-key combination of a loose white linen shirt and combat trousers. Kate mentally regretted her choice of the more formal dress and the impact the wind had made on her neatly straightened hair, which she saw the other woman take in with a hint of a supercilious raise of a perfectly groomed eyebrow. Still, they were the same build, and although Kate had gone for a slightly more high maintenance style than the other woman, she had made a considerable effort getting ready that morning and knew that overall she looked good – or at least would do when out of the wind. Neil would have been proud.

Having apparently completed her assessment, the other woman brought a smile to her features and held out her hand.

“Hi – Kate? I’m Anna. Glad you found me OK. Come in.”

Kate shook the proffered hand firmly, and followed Anna upstairs, taking in the common areas of the building while responding to Anna’s predictable but courteous questions about the journey and the hotel. The building was slightly more presentable inside than out, although the carpets were somewhat worn and the paint at the bottom of the walls was scuffed, presumably knocked by the comings and goings of furniture and bags that marked the rental market. Anna stopped on the second floor and unlocked the door.

“Welcome!” she said, looking back to Kate. “Let me give you the grand tour and then we’ll sit down and talk it all through.”

Kate was pleased to find that her supposition had been correct. The flat itself was an immense improvement on the building’s exterior. Anna led her through to a large open-plan living room and kitchen, with the hardwood floors and artistic lighting that had come to typify the image of a desirable London residence. It was furnished in neutral colours, with a simple but stylish wooden dining table and chairs and comfortable-looking tan leather sofa. The kitchen surfaces were made of what looked like granite.

“It’s all fake, of course,” cautioned Anna, following Kate’s gaze. “I like cooking but there’s a limit to how much rent I can pay – the landlord clearly did a good job with some plastic coating!” Kate smiled understandingly, and they moved through to the next room. Anna opened the door onto a double bedroom.

“This is my room,” she explained. “The bed takes up a fair bit of space but it’s so important to have a double, I think – it would just be such a demoralising admission of singleness otherwise!”

Kate nodded her agreement, only half listening, trying to take in as much of the flat as she could. True, the room was slightly on the small side, she thought, but it had been furnished with exemplary taste, almost like a show home with its complementary shades of blue on the walls and bedclothes, and abstract print hanging above the bed. There was a mirror hanging over the dressing table by the bed, and full-length mirrors on the wardrobe – Anna was clearly a girl who liked to look good, and Kate could easily imagine herself getting ready to go out with friends or into London. Kate came out of her thoughts to see Anna scrutinising her quizzically.

“Sorry!” started Kate. “Just thinking what it would be like to live here.”

“Well, that’s the idea,” bantered Anna, looking pleased that Kate was giving due consideration to the proposition. “I love having the big wardrobes. I would stick some of my clothes in the loft to make way for you – I know the idea is to do a swap, but I think perhaps swapping clothes would be a step too far, don’t you?” continued Anna, looking Kate up and down. Kate felt vaguely offended by this glance, and moreover that she was meant to, but then pulled herself together – it would indeed be strange and perhaps a little unhygienic and uncomfortable to wear a stranger’s clothes. True, as she had noted earlier they were of roughly same build, but that did not mean their clothes would fit each other in all respects.

“Come through to the next room,” Anna instructed her.

Anna took Kate through to the bathroom. It was small, but again elegantly executed, with a powerful looking shower hanging over the bath, with tiny eggshell and beige tiles on the walls, and larger ones on the floors.

“There’s another room in there,” said Anna, pointing to a closed door, “but I’m embarrassed to say it’s not fit for human eyes at the moment – I use it as my study slash spare room slash laundry room slash general dumping ground. You get the idea. I promise you it will be spick and span by the time you move in, if you do, but I just haven’t had the chance to do anything with it in time for these interviews.”

Kate nodded and smiled, following Anna back through to the sitting room and sinking down onto the soft leather sofa. She thought back to when she and Neil had lived in a flat this size and the scramble of shoving things under beds and into the linen closet in the five minutes before visitors arrived, shutting the door on the mess as the intercom sounded. They joked about it now, with all the space Portsmouth had given them.

“Red or white?” asked Anna. “Or some kind of soft drink?”

“Oh, red please. Thanks.”

As Anna poured the wine into some large tea glasses, Kate sat and looked around the room in more detail. She was pleased to see there were more clues to Anna’s identity than she had found on the internet. There was a framed degree certificate from Nottingham University alongside a picture of what she assumed must be Anna on her graduation day and a poster from the Wellcome Trust Collection advertising a high-brow exhibition on identity. It was all as she had been led to expect, all absolutely in keeping with what Anna had told her. If walls could be turned into a calling card, this was a prime example of how to do it.

Casting her eye around to the kitchen, Kate’s eyes focused in on a postcard pinned to a notice board that was otherwise adorned with business cards of local tradesmen. It looked like a scene from the Alps. She and Neil had been over there with his family a few times, and she advanced across the room to see if the picture was of anywhere she knew. Seeing her approach, Anna quickly moved to take the postcard down.

“I was just wondering where it was from,” began Kate, suddenly conscious that she was being somewhat nosy. “It looked like Switzerland from over there.”

“Um, no, Nepal, actually,” corrected Anna.

“Nepal? Really?” queried Kate. She had been sure it was the Alps.

“Yeah, my brother went there a while ago – he travels a lot. Don’t really get to see him much. And you clearly don’t see the Alps much!” She folded the card and thrust it into her back pocket. “Now, let’s have this wine!”

Anna handed Kate a glass. Kate was surprised by the abruptness with which Anna had changed the subject, but she accepted the proffered glass and they sat together on the sofa.

“So, let’s get down to business,” said Anna. “Do you fancy living here for three months?”

Kate confirmed enthusiastically that she would. All in all it seemed very liveable-in and stylish, and after all it was in London.

Anna continued. “Great. I’ve been meeting with other people and, quite frankly, I’m not sure I would trust them with my home. They seemed to be good candidates from my research but they turned out to be a little rough around the edges or just plain odd when I met them. And one, well let’s just say she seemed to have personal hygiene issues – that would not be a nice smell to come home to in three months!” Anna gave a mock shudder. “So really, apart from the girl I’m due to see tomorrow, you’re probably my strongest contender.” She paused and took a sip of wine, looking at Kate.

Kate smiled, pleased both that she had clearly surpassed the ranks of other people Anna had spoken to (although admittedly the hurdle didn’t seem too high) and that she seemed to be in with a chance of being selected for the project. She nodded for Anna to carry on.

“Now,” Anna continued. “Let’s talk about the more interesting part of this – the identity exchange. Ideally, you become me, and I become you. Not in a legal sense, of course. But it won’t have escaped you that we look passably similar – enough for someone checking a proof of ID to be convinced. That was one thing that made me pick you.”

Kate shifted uneasily. She didn’t like the idea of someone going around masquerading as her. Anna noticed this.

“You look concerned. I don’t mean I want to go around opening up bank accounts in your name, although we’ll come onto that later.”

Kate choked slightly on her wine at this, but Anna carried on regardless.

“Just think – if you turn up at a class, or the gym, that I’ve enrolled in and want to use my name, and vice versa, which you will have to for this to have any more purpose than a pure property exchange, you may need some kind of ID. That’s all I’m saying. And people who have served me at places before may have a vague recollection of a brunette of certain height and shape, but be hazier on the face, and so will accept you as me – and hopefully that will cut both ways.”

Kate nodded thoughtfully, and tried to uncrease her brow from the frown that had settled there. Anna continued.

“Those are really just details, ways of facilitating the bigger picture – let’s not get bogged down in them. Besides, if someone did commit fraud against you while you were staying here, you’d have a pretty good idea who did it!”

Kate smiled. That was certainly true. If this was an identity theft scheme it was a pretty blatant one.

“The main point is that I think I’ve got plenty to offer you. The drama course will be really exciting – I’m kind of regretting handing that over to you. I got a recommendation from a previous course tutor and it was pretty competitive to move up to the next class.” Anna hesitated. “You can act, can’t you? I saw from my research you’ve done some am-dram things in the past, but I don’t want my name to be muddied!”

“Yes, I can act, darling – don’t worry about that!” Kate trilled, putting on her best ‘luvvie’ voice.

“Good. I’m not kidding, though – it’s a big commitment taking on someone’s name and their life. You need to take it seriously.”

Anna held Kate’s gaze, looking earnestly into her eyes. Kate returned the stare, piqued at the suggestion that she was being flippant, but keen to show that she was worthy of trust and took the venture seriously. After all, she was asking the same of Anna.

“Apart from that, there’s the proofreading, which I mentioned. The proofs come through about once a week, and you have another week to turn them round. It will keep you fairly busy, but I know you like reading, so I think you’ll enjoy it.”

Kate nodded. Anna continued in a similar vein, extolling the virtues of the local gym and pool, the brilliant South African restaurant nearby, the wonders of 24-hour food and wine stores, the ease with which she could jump on the tube to go to the fringe theatre housed in a nearby pub. And then there was the question of the tempestuous internet relationship. Anna had apparently encountered someone calling himself Luke on-line at a dating chat site and initial banter had led to outrageous flirting. She hadn’t met him, but as Anna put it someone who flirted that sexily just had to be gorgeous and if he wasn’t – well, what did it matter for now? Kate would be entrusted with the task of keeping him warm for Anna, and as she was flirting for someone else’s advantage, it would be entirely guilt-free.

In short, it sounded perfect, thought Kate.

Anna had to be somewhere for 4 p.m., so the meeting ended early. It was agreed that Anna would call Kate the next day once she had met with the other contestant, as Anna took to calling her after a second glass of wine, and let Kate know if she was still interested. Then they could meet again to sort out the finer details.

Kate was therefore left to her own devices for an evening in London. She had studied the hotel’s Time Out magazine industriously earlier, and thought she recalled an evening performance of a new translation of a Sartre play up at a pub theatre in Highgate. She had plenty of time to wander up there, perhaps browse in a bookshop, and get herself a drink or two before making her way to the theatre. She tipped her head back and exhaled, her mind and body relaxed by the wine and her spirits rejoicing at the thought of her North London evening. This was where she belonged and – assuming that Anna thought her fitting – where she would stay for the next three months.

Chapter 5

-Kate-

Bright and early (well, 11am, which felt early enough) the next morning, an ever so slightly fragile Kate presented herself on Anna’s doorstep. She had enjoyed herself immensely the night before, but was rather wishing that her enjoyment had not been based quite so much on the very nice but very full-bodied South African wine that she taken to in generous quantities before, during and (she groaned to herself in painful recognition) after the play. She had felt so alive the previous evening in Highgate. She was well-used to going to the theatre by herself, having had to get over any self-consciousness once she realised that when Neil was away she could either live in a cultural vacuum, only go and see things that her friends also wanted to see thus missing out on a great deal given the tastes of her limited social circle in Portsmouth, or just go out by herself. She opted for the latter. Occasionally she bought two tickets in the vague hope she could persuade someone to come with her to a night of experimental theatre, but as she had not yet found a friend with such an insatiable desire for watching people be anything but themselves, more often than not she went alone.

She did, however, appreciate the change from being a solitary member of a mass audience where there was very little interaction, to being in the more intimate atmosphere of a fringe venue, with a select audience of individuals who she began to build in her mind as acquaintances if not friends by the end of the evening, as she learned to identify their laughs and examine their profiles. She had even unbent so far as to make pretentious small talk about existentialism at the bar downstairs in the interval: Was she bound by her decision to order a pre-interval drink? Had she really ‘owned’ her choice if she opted for a glass of whatever house red was open? By ordering red at all was she truly exercising her freedom or unnecessarily binding herself to her vision of herself as a ‘committed red wine drinker’? And other such meaningless trivialities that somehow seemed very on-message at the time. She had felt very cultured and very alive and very cool, and had in fact told herself this in the mirror of the hotel bathroom before wending a less-than-straight path to bed.