Straight To Heaven

Annoyed that I wasn’t lapping up her precious tidbits of scandal and asking for more, Vickie went silent. She looked over the top of her sunglasses, her eyes traveling from the kidney-shaped pool, to the bricked patio and the extravagant landscaping, and then finally resting on the outdoor furniture that Pottery Barn had delivered the previous week. I could almost feel the vibrations from her buzzing brain as she tried to calculate the total cost.

“Looks like you’re doing pretty well for yourself, Lilith,” Vickie finally said. “You must have taken Ted to the cleaners in the divorce.”

Obviously, I couldn’t confess that I was working for the Devil. So, instead of telling every bit of the truth, I went for the abridged version. “My insurance company finally came through for me, and the payoff was very generous.” But only because Helen Spry had pulled a few strings on my behalf.

“Really,” Vickie said, impressed. “I wish I had your insurance policy.”

Yeah right, I thought. You couldn’t afford the premiums. She wouldn’t survive a day as a succubus. But I had to admit that although the job was awful, the benefits were terrific. The rebuilt house and the new pool were only part of the package. I also received a mysterious – and extremely generous – weekly deposit into my bank account. This was another reason why I had given in and embraced my role as a succubus. Being poor sucked. I was tired of worrying over every penny, having to return groceries because I didn’t have the money to pay for them, and avoiding phone calls from collection agencies. William had been right; I needed to get over my guilty conscience. Besides, I only tempted people to sin. Ultimately, the choice to do wrong was theirs.

Vickie smiled, but she was still in viper mode. “So what they say about karma must be true. Do something good, and good will come back to you.” She nodded at Ariel who was climbing out of the pool. My niece wore a Marilyn Manson T-shirt over her swimsuit and had used a black Sharpie to give herself an enormous skull-and-crossbones tattoo on her left cheek. “You took in that little juvenile delinquent, and the universe has gifted you with a lovely new house.” Karma might have been smiling on me, but Vickie wasn’t. “Let’s just hope she doesn’t burn this one down, too.”

I wanted to smack her with a really good comeback, but before I could, I felt a shiver in the air which meant someone from the otherworld was about to pay me a visit. This time, it wasn’t William but Patrick Clerk, Miss Spry’s assistant, who walked from the house and out onto the patio.

“Bon jour, Mr. Clerk!” Grace waved from the top of the water slide. This was another part of my new life: integrating my mundane existence with my supernatural one. No more sneaking around for me. Well, almost no sneaking around. Of course, no one knew the real reason why Mr. Clerk visited me, but hiding my otherworldly guests was too stressful. Grace and Ariel knew who Mr. Clerk was, they just didn’t know what I did for him.

“C’est la vie?” Grace asked. Now that I’d become rich again, I’d bought Grace the French horn that she’d so wanted. Since learning to play it, she had become fascinated with all things French. She ate brie, referred to every kind of bread as a baguette, and even wore a beret, despite the fact that Ariel made fun of her for it.

Mr. Clerk returned Grace’s question with a nod. “Trés bien.” Mr. Clerk, thin, gray-haired, and fussy, was dressed, as always, in white. White linen pants, perfectly creased, and a white T-shirt with a pair of dark glasses hanging from the neckline. He glowered at Ariel when she splashed him. “Lilith, we need to speak.”

“Who’s this?” Vickie asked.

“My, uh, insurance agent,” I said.

Mr. Clerk’s eyebrows shot up.

“Really?” Vickie lowered her sunglasses. “I didn’t know that insurance agents made house calls. Maybe I should change companies. What kind of policies do you offer?”

Mr. Clerk looked from Vickie to me and back again. There was a trace of panic in his eyes. I abruptly got out of my chair. “I’m sorry, Vickie, but I’ve got to go. Maybe you and your boys could stop by later in the week.”

Vickie took the hint, but she obviously wasn’t happy about it. She reluctantly got up and hollered at her boys to get out of the pool. “Thanks for the swim, Lil. We’ll be back.”

To my ears, that sounded like a threat.

After Vickie left, Mr. Clerk sighed as if he’d narrowly missed being run over by a truck. I told the girls to be careful in the pool and led my otherworldly guest into the house so we could talk. The French doors were hardly closed behind us before he fixed me with a steely look and said, “Miss Spry is very disappointed in you.”

Other than handing out my assignments, Mr. Clerk only visited for two reasons: to watch Real Housewives or to scold me. From the look on his face, it was clear that he wasn’t there to gossip about our favorite reality stars.

The kitchen was dim and so overly air-conditioned that I pulled my sarong up around my bare shoulders. Mr. Clerk appreciatively eyed my bathing suit, a pale-blue two-piece that showed off a large amount of skin. Believe me, this wasn’t because of how I filled it out. No, he was more interested in the fact that it was Versace. The man loved designer labels as much as I did.

He settled himself on a bar stool next to the counter. “Tell me everything that happened this morning.”

I took a cold Perrier from the fridge and offered it to him. When he declined, I poured some into a glass for myself, adding ice and a lime wedge. If I’d kept alcohol in the house, which I didn’t because of Ariel’s tendency to sneak it, I would have thrown in some gin. I was pretty sure it was going to be that kind of day.

“Well, I met the client, just like you said, and I tried to get him to mail his package.”

“And?” It was clear from his expression that he already knew how the story turned out, but was going to make me tell him anyway. Sadistic bastard.

“He wouldn’t mail it.” At Mr. Clerk’s frown, my heart began to race. “I swear, I tried as hard as I could! But he was so resistant! And then this guardian angel showed up.”

His eyes widened. “An angel? Are you sure?” When I nodded, he said, “You must tell Helen about this. Immediately.”

Although I was willingly doing the Devil’s dirty work, it didn’t mean that I wanted to visit my evil overlord. “Can’t you do it?”

“No. A guardian angel is nothing to fool around with, and if there’s one lurking about, it’s best if Helen hears it from you. She can help you get past them.”

“But William said they were easy to seduce,” I argued. “He said he’d done it before, and it was the easiest thing in the world.”

The tips of Mr. Clerk’s ears reddened, and he shifted uncomfortably on the bar stool. “William certainly has a sense of humor.”

“What do you think? Would seducing an angel be a good strategy?”

“How would I know?” he asked, sounding insulted. “That’s for Helen to decide.”

“Fine. But I’ll need someone to watch the girls while I’m gone.” I lifted my eyebrows suggestively.

He hopped off the bar stool and held up his hands. “Oh, no. I simply refuse!”

“Are you sure?” I asked. “William stopped by earlier. Maybe he’ll turn up again.”

That got his attention. “You saw William today?” The question was asked very casually, but I knew better. Mr. Clerk had a major crush on William and was jealous of any time the two of us spent together. “Do you really think he’ll come by?” Already, Mr. Clerk had resettled himself on the bar stool and was pinching the knife-edged creases in his slacks.

“Maybe.”

“Fine. But be back in ten minutes.”

If I hurried, I could be back in five.

With its oriental carpet, potted palms and fringed lamps, Miss Spry’s study was elegant and cozy. I wasn’t fooled, though. These props were only put there to prevent anyone from seeing the real Hell that lay underneath.

Miss Spry sat behind her desk, writing in a leather-bound ledger, but the moment I walked in, she put down her fountain pen. “Lilith! Such a pleasant surprise.” She used to growl every time I came through her office door, but now that I stopped defying her and obeyed her every whim, she acted like my best friend. It was less stressful to stand before a smiling woman rather than a hot-eyed demon, but the thought of making Miss Spry happy always made me unhappy.

I’d thrown a pair of capris and a T-shirt over my bikini, but was still woefully under dressed compared to my demon overlord who wore a smart coral twinset and pencil skirt. Her heavy, red lipstick and dark eyebrow pencil reminded me of old-fashioned actresses. So did her permed hair which she wore swept away from her forehead, Joan Crawford style.

“I know that I made a mistake today. I swear I tried to make that man mail that package.” I tugged nervously on my watch. “I wanted to tempt him. I really did.”

“I know you did, dear.” Her voice was syrup laced with strychnine, and though she smiled, her eyes were flinty. “However, you did fail the assignment.”

“But there was this guardian angel, see, and…”

Her hands clenched into fists. “Did you say guardian angel?” When I nodded, she turned her face upward and shouted, “Cheater!” She hurried from behind her desk and took me by the arm. “Listen, Lilith. This client is very, very important. So important, in fact, that I can’t let him go untempted. Therefore, I will suspend all of your assignments until you’ve seduced him. Don’t let me down!”

“I won’t,” I promised. “And I won’t let that holy pain in the ass ruin another assignment.”

She beamed. “That’s music to my ears! The old Lilith would have never said such a thing.”

That’s because the old Lilith hadn’t realized how powerful or cruel demons were, or what lengths they’d go to get what they wanted. The perks of being an obedient little succubus far outweighed the punishment for rebellion. If only the inner voice of my conscience would understand and let me off the hook.

“If you have Mr. Clerk set up another appointment, I’ll get to work,” I told her.

Her smile deepened. “I love your new enthusiasm. Keep this up, and you’ll be as good a seductress as any of your ancestors.”

The inner voice turned into an inner squirm as my conscience objected. Shut up, I told it, and thought about my beautiful new house.

“We can set up another appointment, but tempting the victim won’t be easy. Not only because of the guardian angel, but because once a human resists temptation, it becomes easier to do so a second time. Still, I’ll make Patrick set up another appointment.” She rang a little silver bell on her desk, and Mr. Clerk appeared.

“You left the girls alone?!” I cried.

“They’re fine,” he answered with a sniff. “They’re watching a movie and eating cookies.”

“Patrick, set up another appointment with Lilith’s client,” Miss Spry said.

He looked annoyed. “Do you really think finding those opportunities is easy?”

Helen didn’t reply, and I shrugged. All I knew was that Mr. Clerk showed up with instructions, and I carried them out. I had no idea how the system worked. Nor did I care.

“It’s an intricate process, Helen, involving complex algorithms. Each time I set up a meeting, I must spend hours researching the target, making calculations, and setting trajectories. It’s not easy.”

Helen backed him off with a hot-eyed glare, giving me an opportunity to play good cop. Even demons have their vulnerable spots, and for Mr. Clerk, it was flattery. “Your job sounds terribly complicated. You’re amazing!”

Miss Spry’s eyes glittered in amusement, but Mr. Clerk flushed with pleasure. “It’s a gift. I can’t take credit for it.” Despite his protests, he reveled in my praise the same way my cat, Drinking Tea, reveled in a good chin scratch.

“So you can get Lilith a second chance?”

Mr. Clerk sighed, nodded, and pinched the bridge of his nose. “Yes, I’ll set up another assignment.”

“Good.” I wouldn’t fail again. I didn’t care if I had to personally drag my client to Hell, that man would do what Miss Spry demanded.

That evening, Dr. Ted Dempsey, my cheating ex-husband, stopped by to pick up Grace for the weekend. When he walked in through the back door, he completely ignored his niece who was sitting at the kitchen table. Technically, Ari was his blood relation, not mine, but you’d never know it from the way he treated her.

Ted went over to Grace who squealed and hugged him. Then he gave me a top-to-bottom once over. “Hello, Lilith. You’re looking well.”

His bland compliment was meant to hurt me, and it did. Because I didn’t just look ‘well’, I looked fantastic. I was wearing little white shorts that showed off my tan and a tight T-shirt that displayed plenty of cleavage. On the days Ted came over, I always took special pains to remind him of what he’d lost when he decided to cheat on me.

“Why don’t you run and get your bag, Grace,” I said. “I need to talk to your father.” I raised my eyebrows at Ariel, and she dragged herself out of her chair, huffing in exasperation. I knew that she wanted to see me yell at Ted, but I’d made it a policy to stop fighting in front of the kids after I realized how much it upset Grace.

With the girls out of the room, I readied myself to launch a verbal attack, but Ted beat me to the punch. “Your pool smells like it’s overly chlorinated.” My ex-husband thought he was an expert on everything from swimming pools to vegan cuisine, and wasn’t shy about sharing his opinions. “I don’t want my daughter swimming in it.”

It was a cunning first strike because it forced me to defend myself. I crossed my arms over my chest. “The pool is fine, Ted. I have a service that checks it twice a week.”

He smiled triumphantly. “And where are you getting the money to pay for a pool service?”

Damn! I’d fallen right into his trap. After the fire had destroyed my house, I’d begged Ted to increase his child support payments. Although money was no longer an issue for me, my ex-husband had no idea why. Obviously, he didn’t know that I was a succubus.

No, he thought I was a harpy.

“I refinanced the house,” I said. When Ted mulled this over, I launched my counterattack. “How come I’m getting overdue notices from the credit card company about your bills?” I picked up the invoice that had been lying on the counter and shook it at him. “They’re threatening to send me to a collection agency.” Although I’d tried several times to cancel the card, it was in both our names and I couldn’t get rid of it without Ted’s consent. Plus, my address was the one on record, and I was being saddled with the debt.

He looked offended. “That’s our old joint account, Lilith. I haven’t used it since the divorce.”

“Like hell you haven’t.” I read off one of the charges. “Look at this – eleven-thousand dollars for a place called ‘Exotic Locales’? What was that for?”

Ted’s face reddened and he looked away. “I must have used that old credit card by mistake. Give me the bill, and I’ll pay it.”

“Exotic Locales, Ted?” I asked, goading him. “What is that? A strip club?”

He didn’t even flinch. “No. It’s personal.” He held out his hand for the bill. “I said I’d pay it, so end of discussion.”

Whatever he was trying to cover up had to be juicy, so I took a stab in the dark: “You’re dating a stripper, aren’t you?”

“What? No! Lilith, what is wrong with you?” The vein above his eyebrows began to pulse.

“What’s wrong with you?” I asked. “What are you hiding from me?”

My demon could have helped with this, of course. All I had to do was start her up and put her to work. Within minutes, Ted would be putty in my hands and willingly tell me his secrets. It had worked before. But right then, I was too angry to bat my eyelashes and act coy. I wanted to boot Ted in the butt with a steel-toed shoe, not caress him with kid gloves.

I must have looked scary because when Grace walked in carrying her pink duffle bag, Ted grabbed her and kept his hands on her shoulders, using her as a human shield. “Ready to go, kid?” he asked desperately.

Reluctantly, I told my demon to back off. There was something going on with my ex. I could smell it on him like another woman’s perfume. With Grace in the room, however, I’d never find out what it was.

Ted was halfway out the door. “Okay. I’ll have her back on Sunday night.” Then, just before leaving, he stopped in the doorway. His lips quirked like he was about to throw up. “Grace, I have a really big surprise for you. I’m taking you to France for the month of July.”

Grace’s eyes lit up. There was no place in the world she wanted to visit more than France. But as her eyes were glowing with anticipation, mine were glowing with rage. France?! My ex-husband thought he was taking my baby to Europe? So ‘Exotic Locales’ had been a travel agency.

As Grace hugged him tightly, Ted looked over her shoulder with an expression of triumph. I clenched my fists, seething. It was bad enough that he was entitled to an entire month with her during the summer, but to drag her out of the country? And what a cowardly trick to deliver the news in front of me knowing that I wouldn’t yell at him. Not only that, he had the entire weekend to pump her up about the trip. She’d come back to me on Sunday night with a head full of pictures of Paris and the Eiffel Tower, and I’d end up looking like the bad guy when I told her that she couldn’t go.

It was the final stroke in our dueling match. A painful thrust delivered with such mastery and cunning that I could only stand and gape.

Ariel had sidled back into the room, and before Ted whisked Grace away, she said, “Guess what, Ari? I’m going to France with my dad!”

Usually, Ari was an expert at hiding her feelings, but right then I could read her like a book. She was thinking that her Uncle Ted completely ignored her, she’d never met her biological father, and her own mother wouldn’t take her to Burger King much less France.

Ariel’s eyes narrowed. “France is disgusting, you know. They only eat frogs and snails there.” But, by that time, Grace had already left the house.

Ariel looked up at me, her eyes flat as the backside of a mirror. She was hardening herself so that she wouldn’t dissolve into tears. I didn’t need my demon to tell me this, either, since it was exactly how I felt myself.

Chapter Three

To boost our spirits, I told Ariel she could pick out whatever she wanted for dinner. Ordinarily, I did all the cooking, making everything from scratch using nothing but fresh, organic produce and whole grains. I was a wonderful cook, and could teach Martha Stewart a thing or two. That night, however, I was too disheartened to fire up the grill let alone bully Ariel into eating the salad niçoise that I had been planning to make.

“I know what I want,” Ariel said, “but we have to go to the grocery store to get it.”

“How about pizza?” I asked. I didn’t care much for it, but my succubus had an addiction to meat-lovers’ pizza with extra bacon.

Ariel folded her arms over her chest. “I want to go to the grocery store. You promised.”

I groaned inwardly. I hated being out in public with Ariel when she was in a bad mood. Even when she’s in a good mood, she draws uneasy looks. It’s the severely-cut, dyed-black hair, the ghoulish makeup, and the heavy silver necklaces. Not to mention the expression that says, “I’d kill you, but you’re not worth the trouble.” These things scare people. Tommy Lefevre, my stepsister’s ex-boyfriend, once said that my niece’s appearance was a reflection of how broken she was on the inside. While I valued Tommy’s opinion above that of anyone else, there were still times when I wanted to wear a T-shirt that read: I swear this is not my kid.

“I think the Chinese place down the road delivers,” I said.

“You promised. And a promise is a promise.” Ariel fetched my purse from the kitchen table and offered it to me. “Besides, it’s not like I’m asking to go to France or anything.”

She was right. She deserved something, even if it was only a trip to the grocery store. “Okay,” I said, taking my purse, “but I get to pick out my own dinner. Deal?”

She smiled slightly. “Deal.”

When we got to the store, Ariel moved like a guided missile while I lagged behind with the shopping cart. I was disgusted, but not surprised, by what she chose: a blue box of mac ‘n’ cheese, Banquet frozen chicken, two liters of Mountain Dew, and a package of Oreos. On the other hand, my succubus’s mouth was watering. Especially over the Mountain Dew and Oreos. I wondered which of my predecessors had gotten her addicted to those wretched foods.

People were staring at us just as I feared they would. The skull-and-crossbones Ari had drawn on her face didn’t help. Neither did the way she loudly cracked her knuckles whenever we got close to someone. I was about to tell her to knock it off when I realized that we were being followed.

Lagging about a dozen steps behind us was a thin boy about Ari’s age with colorless hair, and skin so pale it nearly glowed. His unblinking eyes were startlingly blue, and his gaze was fixed on Ariel. Something about him seemed vaguely familiar; although, I was certain I’d never seen him before.

“You have an admirer,” I said.

“Where?!” Ari whirled around, ready to strike. When she saw the boy, she relaxed. “Oh, him.”

“You know that kid?” I’d never seen Ari make a friend much less a boyfriend. “Does he go to your school?”

She shrugged. “I don’t think so. I just see him around sometimes.” She picked a jar of sweet pickles from the shelf and put it into the cart. “I want these, too.”

Her nonchalance stunned me. I’d expected her to wave her arms and shout to chase the boy away. I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe my niece wasn’t a sociopath after all. “So he’s a friend of yours?”

“Don’t get carried away,” she muttered.

I wanted to keep pestering her with questions, but as we rounded a corner, my cart collided with another shopper’s. Both of us opened our mouths to begin swearing, but then we recognized each other. It was Casey Scarsdale. The very same Casey that Vickie had been gossiping about a few hours before. The one with the new boy toy.

I smiled through gritted teeth as we air kissed. Yes, I know how stupid that is, but it was Casey’s habit, not mine.

“Lilith! And this must be your niece. Andrea, right? The one who started the fire?”

Ariel glared at her and turned towards the magazines.

“Such an angry child,” Casey stage-whispered. “She’s so lucky to have an aunt like you. Speaking of which…you’re back in the neighborhood? I had no idea your house was livable again!”

Yeah, right. More than once, I’d spied Ms. I-Had-No-Idea-Your-House-Was-Livable at her window with a phone in one hand and a pair of binoculars in the other. Casey is the kind of person who thinks ‘neighborhood watch’ is an Olympic sport.

My smile tightened even more. “You didn’t see the builders working? Or the moving vans? Or notice Grace riding her bike down the sidewalk?”

She laughed and tucked a peroxided lock of hair behind her ear. “You know I don’t have time to keep track of every little detail. But look at you. You’re amazing!” She took me in, top to bottom, missing nothing. “I bet Ted’s so jealous. The silly boy should have never divorced you.”

I wanted to strangle her with her own diamond pendant. “I divorced him remember?”

“That’s not what he says.” Then she lightly tapped my arm. “Just kidding, of course. How is the ex, by the way? Mooning over you, I hope.” She increased the wattage on her smile. “And what about you? Any new boyfriends?”

I was about to answer when Ariel shrieked, “Hey! Watch out!” Then she toppled headlong into a large display of carefully-stacked cereal boxes, sending it crashing to the ground. The boxes skidded across the center aisle of the store, causing an instant shopping cart pile-up.