Escape to Willow Cottage: The brilliant, laugh-out-loud romcom you need to read in autumn 2018

Carly pouted as she stood on the pavement outside the flat. ‘It would have been a perfect place to propose.’

‘Maybe, but there are other perfect places for a proposal.’

‘I’d like it to feel like the world has stopped for one moment, just for me. That’s all,’ said Carly with more than a hint of despondency evident in her voice as she moved to one side to avoid being bumped by frowning pedestrians.

‘I dare say you would and I’m sure that will happen but, in the meantime, you should enjoy the lovely thoughtful man you have and look forward to your weekend in a treehouse.’

‘Thoughtful? 257 steps. In heels!’ was all Carly had to say. She shoved the phone into her bag and crossed the road. She didn’t see Fergus who was watching her closely from the window.

Leo was finishing his sausages and beans when the theatrical musical doorbell of the B&B hummed the tune to ‘Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star’. Jean opened the door and preened herself as she greeted Jack. What was it with the women in this village and Jack? He seemed to send them all aquiver.

‘Are you ready?’ he called brusquely, after exchanging pleasantries with Jean.

‘Yep,’ said Beth, grabbing the rusty keys and gently steering Leo away from the table.

‘You’re wearing that?’ asked Jack, blunt as ever, as he gave Beth’s outfit the once-over.

She looked at her fitted white T-shirt, designer skinny jeans and smart low-heeled leather boots. ‘Yes, what’s wrong with it?’ It wasn’t like she was wearing a skirt and heels as she had the first time she’d investigated the property.

‘Nothing wrong at all but you’re about to get absolutely filthy working on the cottage and that outfit will be trashed.’

‘These are the least precious clothes I’ve got and if they get trashed then so be it. But I’ll be careful.’

‘What do you usually wear for this sort of work?’ asked Jack, his expression curious.

It was too early to make stuff up and Leo was listening. ‘This,’ she said and walked out of the door with her head held high. Jack shook his head behind her.

Jean displayed a fixed smile as she witnessed the exchange. ‘Well, have a nice time anyway,’ she said, as she waved them off.

‘Here,’ said Jack, handing Beth and Leo small white face masks. ‘It’ll help to stop the dust.’

‘Thanks but I’m going to play in the garden,’ said Leo brandishing a tennis ball.

‘He’s not had a garden before,’ explained Beth and Jack patted Leo on the back sympathetically.

‘You can do me a favour, keep an eye on Doris here,’ he said as the huge dog skidded up the path to greet them. Doris had a dark face but the rest of her short coat was a golden blonde and she was very nearly the same height as Leo. Beth protectively stepped in front of Leo and Doris seized the opportunity to sniff Beth’s crotch. Jack expertly pulled her away as Beth rolled her eyes; sniffing crotches and licking their own private parts was probably the two main reasons why she wasn’t a dog lover. The third thing that Beth disliked about dogs was when they lifted up both their back legs and dragged their bums along the carpet although she had to admit that was always funny as long as it wasn’t your carpet.

‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ said Beth.

‘But, Muuuum,’ moaned Leo from behind her.

Jack was eyeing her as if awaiting an explanation for her actions.

‘It’s a very big dog, and dogs …’ she knew they were all waiting for her to say the word ‘bite’. ‘… dogs can be unpredictable. So, no, I’m sorry but I don’t think so.’

‘Shame. That means she’ll have to spend the day in her cage,’ said Jack, looking forlornly at Doris who was happily bashing her tail against his leg.

‘A cage?’ Leo looked outraged. Beth looked a little shocked too.

‘It’s okay, it’s to stop her wrecking the house.’ The expressions of alarm didn’t change. ‘Seriously, she’s an English mastiff, she’ll eat her way through a wall if I leave her on her own!’

‘But still. Putting her in a cage?’ said Beth, eyeing the behemoth of a dog.

‘It’s a proper extra-large dog cage but she’d rather be with me, obviously.’ Jack pulled a sad clown face.

‘Fine, bring her along,’ relented Beth, and Leo whooped his delight.

‘You’ll grow to love her,’ said Jack, as he patted Doris’s flank and the dog promptly wiped her slobbery jowl down the side of Beth’s jeans as she passed. Beth recoiled in disgust.

‘I doubt it,’ she muttered.

A large estate car was parked outside with a ladder strapped to the roof bars. Doris leaped into the boot and Jack jumped in the driver’s seat.

‘See you there,’ he shouted as he pulled away.

‘Fine,’ said Beth. She didn’t need a lift – she could almost see the willow tree from the B&B, but it would have been nice to be offered one. She put on her sunglasses and took Leo’s reluctant hand.

When they got to the cottage, Leo checked to see if Ernie was under the willow tree but he wasn’t. Jack already had his toolbox out and was studying the boards that covered the windows and the door.

‘Galvanized bolts,’ he said, nodding. ‘That’s good. It means they won’t have rusted. I’ve got just the thing for those.’ He pulled a large spanner from the toolbox and set to work.

‘Let’s get these off and see what we’re dealing with,’ said Jack. Beth wasn’t comfortable with Jack dishing out the instructions but she agreed as she didn’t have a better idea.

As he undid the last bolt Beth stood and took the weight of the large sheet of ply board. At the last second the board slipped in her grasp but Jack stopped it from falling.

‘Ow,’ complained Beth, checking her hands – splinters and a broken nail. She breathed out hard; this was starting to look less and less like her kind of thing. Lifting down the board revealed the window. There had once been white paint on the wooden frame but now most of it had peeled off. However, the sight of the series of perfect little square panes in the windows brought a smile to both their faces.

‘Georgian windows,’ said Jack, helping Beth to put down the board and lean it against the wall.

‘They’re lovely,’ said Beth leaning closer, ‘but not exactly good for keeping the cold out. I expect they’ll need swapping for double-glazed ones.’

‘No!’ said Jack crossly. ‘These are a thing of beauty. I’ll put some linseed oil on to protect them until you can get around to painting them but trust me they’ll keep the cold out. It’s the gaps round the edges that you’ll need to sort.’ He indicated where someone’s attempt at filling the gaps was already crumbling away.

‘Right,’ said Beth, feeling further out of her depth.

‘Flemish bond,’ he said, nodding at the brickwork.

‘Is he? I’m not really into films,’ said Beth, distractedly.

Leo and Doris played fetch with the ball until Doris put a large hole in it. Beth and Jack removed the other three boards and thankfully all but two of the small panes of glass were intact. Jack expertly taped some plastic over the broken ones so that they didn’t let in any rain. They both stared at the largest piece of board covering the front door, which itself was also covered by the sprawling ivy and white flowering plant.

Jack disappeared to the car boot. ‘Shall we?’ he said as he produced two large pairs of loppers.

‘Can I help?’ asked Leo.

‘Sorry, mate, these are a bit deadly but you can pull down as much of that traveller’s joy as you can.’ He pointed at the greenery covered in pretty white flowers and threw him some gloves.

Leo shoved his hands into the gloves. ‘They fit!’

Beth looked surprised. ‘They’re only those very stretchy ones; I thought they might come in handy,’ Jack said, setting to work with the loppers. Beth stood and watched. She wondered what she was doing. She couldn’t help – she’d never used loppers before and had no idea where to start, they were quite heavy and unwieldy. Every time she lifted them up they seemed to sway off to the right like some kind of giant magnet was pulling them. She put them down. The whole project was looking more and more ridiculous. Doris came up behind her and rested her heavy head against Beth’s hand, her droopy eyes making her look as forlorn as Beth felt. Beth sidestepped away from the drooling creature hoping Jack hadn’t noticed. She picked up the loppers again and tried in vain to control them as she snipped wildly at the air around the plants.

Thanks to Jack and Leo’s concerted efforts a little while later they were ready for the big front door reveal. The first thing Beth saw was more peeling paint but this time in a shade of bright pink.

‘Wow!’ exclaimed Leo.

‘I’m glad I’m wearing my sunglasses,’ said Beth.

‘It’s not all bad. It’s a pleasant style and the glass is a nice touch.’ Jack pointed to the four small panes that made a bigger square at head height. It was going to take a bit more to convince Beth.

Jack soon had the boards off the windows at the back of the house and loaded them into the boot of his car.

They grabbed two takeaway coffees and a squash from Rhonda and then set about the inside. Beth wasn’t sure if it looked better or worse now that the windows were letting in light. They both stood sipping their coffees while Leo sat on the bottom step of the stairs playing games on Beth’s iPhone.

‘Okay, boss. What are you thinking?’ asked Jack. Beth was sure she could sense derision in his voice. She was actually thinking ‘Oh shit, I’ve well and truly cocked up here’ but instead she said,

‘Number one priority is to make sure it’s watertight.’ She was pleased with the conviction in her words, she almost sounded like she knew what she was doing.

‘Lovely summer we’re having, hasn’t been any rain for weeks. How about you check upstairs for any obvious signs of leaks and damp patches and I’ll be back shortly.’

Beth didn’t have time to query what he was planning to do as he had already left, so she carefully went upstairs and started looking around. It was very difficult to identify damp patches under the general grubbiness. She exhaled loudly; how were you meant to get a house that was this dirty clean again? Would it ever be clean again? Actually, had it ever been clean? Then she thought of the photograph of the lovely smiling Elsie who was so selfless as to have taken in and raised Ernie. Beth was sure Elsie would have kept the house clean; it must have been in Wilf’s later years that things had got out of hand.

Every room upstairs was wallpapered and she had vague recollections of helping her dad as a child with removing wallpaper with warm wet sponges and a scraper. It had taken most of a half-term holiday for them to do one room, it would take for ever to do the whole cottage on her own. She heard voices outside and then an odd whooshing noise, and then she felt the sensation of ice-cold water trickling over her. She looked up to have her face washed by a steady stream of water coming through the ceiling above.

‘Shit!’ She stomped to the nearest window and tried hard to ignore the sight of the dingy bathroom that surrounded her. She struggled to open the window to shout at Jack who was merrily hosing down the roof but the window wouldn’t budge. By the time she had made it downstairs and pointed out the dripping to Leo who was lost in a game, the noise and water had stopped.

Jack sauntered into the cottage. ‘Did you find any leaks?’ he asked with a smirk.

‘You bloody idiot! I’m soaked. What if that gets in the electrics?’ Beth shook her hands and droplets of water flew off her.

‘Electrics are switched off. I assumed you’d be getting a professional to check those over before trying them.’

Beth wanted to scream. She hated pretending she knew what she was doing and she hated Jack’s smugness. He was obviously playing games.

‘Yes, the electrician is already booked but dousing everything, including me, in water is not the way to find out where the leaks are!’ She made a show of pulling her hair into a ponytail and wringing it out.

‘Okay, so how would you have done it?’ Jack looked intrigued.

‘Well, I … I would have looked for damp patches, like you said before and … gone up on the roof to check the pointing.’ She wasn’t entirely sure she’d used the right term but she had heard her dad talk about pointing before so it was worth a punt.

She noticed that Jack momentarily raised an eyebrow, perhaps she was on the right track.

‘Don’t let me stop you,’ he said. ‘The ladder is outside.’

Beth swallowed hard. She was okay with heights when she was inside and safe like in a lift or looking out on a spectacular view; then she was fine. Climbing up ladders, on the other hand, she was not good at but she wasn’t going to back out of this obvious challenge. ‘Fine, could you hold the bottom for me?’

Jack failed to suppress a schoolboy smirk. ‘Sure thing.’

The first few steps were fine. She kept telling herself it was like going up stairs, only it wasn’t. Her foot slipped a fraction. She squealed and tried to hide it with a cough. She didn’t want to fall. Beth was trying hard to control her breathing but the fear was making it speed up. She clutched the cold metal tightly and slowly moved her hands up as she took another step.

‘You okay?’ said Jack.

‘Wonderful,’ lied Beth, as she muttered a string of inaudible obscenities to herself.

Each step was a fear conquered as she went higher and higher. She was suddenly very grateful that she hadn’t bought anything taller than a cottage. As she neared the roof a thought struck her. What the hell was she going to do when she got there? She had no idea how to check the pointing. She didn’t even know what pointing meant. When her feet were at last level with what remained of the cottage’s ancient guttering, she slowly moved her head so that she could scan a section of the roof.

‘Are you getting on the roof?’ called Jack, followed by something that could have been a cough or a laugh or a bit of both.

‘Um, no, I can see perfectly well from here,’ she replied, her voice shaky.

‘What’s the pointing like?’

Beth stared at the tiles, row upon row of them. They all looked the same, all shimmering wet as the summer sunshine glinted off them. ‘I think they’re okay.’

‘Really?’

‘Well … they’re definitely all pointing in the same direction.’

Chapter Seven

Carly loved going to the hairdresser’s. Danny had been keeping her style on trend for the last few years and he was full of gossip, so it was an indulgent couple of hours that she always looked forward to. As she expected, Danny was on form and he got completely carried away when she told him about the treehouse getaway and the imminent proposal.

‘OMG. That is the epitome of romantic. This boy’s a keeper,’ said Danny as he snipped confidently. ‘You know, there was an amazing article in one of the mags only the other day about treehouses and one of them was like this microcosm of luxury. I bet that’s where he’s taking you. Lucky bitch.’

Carly giggled.

‘You should look it up on the internet,’ he said with a wave of his scissors. Carly wrinkled her nose. ‘Dear God, have you still not joined the twenty-first century. Carly darling, you need to catch up with the human race. Here,’ he handed her his phone – the latest from Apple.

‘It’s okay, thanks. It’s just not my thing.’ She gave the phone back.

‘You sound like one of those people that said a hundred years ago “planes will never take off!”’

Carly wasn’t sure if the pun was intended but it made her laugh anyway. She was feeling good about things. She was over the whole non-proposal upset and it was only a couple of weeks to the weekend away and she was now convinced that the idea of a proposal in a treehouse was so much more romantic than the Whispering Gallery.

While Carly was paying at the reception desk, Danny hunted for the magazine. ‘I can’t find it, darling, but I will if I have to turn this place into Primark. I will leave no surface unturned. I’ll drop it round to the flat when I uncover it.’

‘Are you sure? That’s really kind, thanks.’

‘Ooh, looks like someone is getting another surprise.’ Danny pointed to the door. As it opened a large bouquet of yellow and white roses came in and a smidge of dark hair was barely visible above them. Carly’s stomach did a little flip although at the same time her brain was telling her that the roses’ deliverer wasn’t tall enough to be Fergus. The roses came towards her, obscuring her view of the holder as Danny vigorously nodded his approval at her side. As she took the flowers she saw who was holding them.

‘Nick?’

She immediately pushed away the flowers. ‘I don’t know where she is.’

‘These are not for Elizabeth. They’re for you to say I’m sorry for being a jerk the other night. It’s all getting on top of me. I love her, Carly. I need her back.’ He handed her the flowers.

Carly shooed Nick out of the salon and away from the open mouths of clients and stylists alike. ‘Here,’ she thrust the flowers back at him crushing them slightly. ‘I don’t want your flowers.’ She turned and started to walk purposefully away. Unfortunately, it was in the opposite direction of the flat and at some point she was either going to have to turn round and look like the numpty she felt or walk miles out of her way.

Nick caught up with her. ‘Can I walk with you?’

Carly stopped. ‘How did you know I’d be here? Are you stalking me? Because there are laws against that.’

Nick looked contrite. ‘I came here earlier in the week to see if Elizabeth had booked herself in.’ He cast his eyes downward at the same time as Carly’s jumped up. This was proper resourceful stalker territory. ‘And I saw your name on the screen. I figured there weren’t two of you in the area. I’m sorry if I’ve overstepped a line.’ He looked sorry. He looked lovely. Carly had always liked Nick; he was funny and easy on the eye – everybody liked Nick. On some level she felt he had hurt her too by doing what he had done to Beth.

‘You overstepped the line when you hit my friend.’ Carly’s jaw tightened.

‘Can we talk somewhere? Can I get you a coffee? Can I at least explain? Please.’ His eyes looked full of remorse and, against her better judgement, Carly said yes.

Carly sipped her black chai tea and eyed Nick wearily. It was difficult to reconcile what she had heard from Beth with the calm and worried-looking man who sat opposite her. Nick was looking his usual immaculate self. Black hair in a neat but trendy short style. He was wearing a fitted white shirt, his suit jacket neatly placed on the back of his chair. He didn’t look the type to hit anyone but there was rarely a typical look for someone that dished out domestic violence. That was the problem, you just didn’t know. Carly glanced around at the other hotchpotch of London life catching a few minutes respite from the busy world outside. They all looked pretty ordinary but who was to know what any of them were capable of when under pressure.

‘How have you and Fergus been?’

‘We’re fine, Nick.’ Carly felt she had to ask the responding question. ‘And how about you?’

‘Awful. Devastated. I think I was in shock at first when she left. Now I’m just sick with worry.’ Carly didn’t speak but she hoped her expression conveyed her lack of sympathy. ‘I love her, Carly. I can’t believe this has happened and I need to get her back.’

‘I don’t think that’s going to happen, Nick.’

Nick briefly put his head in his hands. ‘I keep going over and over it.’ He looked up slowly and held Carly’s gaze. ‘Leo was being so testing …’

‘He’s six, that’s kind of his job,’ pointed out Carly.

‘Yes, I know, but he was pushing all the boundaries and with Elizabeth not there he seemed to think he could do what he liked. All I did was tell him off and he went crazy.’ Nick emphasized his point with his palms spread wide. ‘I had to restrain him or he would have hurt himself. That was all I was doing. I swear to you.’

Carly sipped her tea as Nick awaited her response. ‘Beth saw you hurting Leo.’

‘No, no, she didn’t. She thought she did but I was grappling with him and trying to catch hold of his hands so he would stop lashing out.’

Carly was quiet while she mulled over Nick’s new version of events. ‘Even if she did misunderstand what she saw, I’m not saying that she did but if she did, then how do you explain you hitting Beth?’ Carly stared at him unblinking, watching his face, studying his response, trying very hard like all the TV detectives she’d ever watched to spot a sign that he was lying.

Nick blew the air out of his cheeks and shook his head, then stared at his hands for a bit as if they held the answer. Finally he looked up and made eye contact. ‘I don’t know.’

Carly’s eyes widened. ‘You don’t know how you hit her?’

‘No. I’ve no idea how it happened but the important thing is that it wasn’t intentional.’

Carly snorted and wished she hadn’t as it irritated her throat and now she was coughing uncontrollably.

‘You okay?’ He looked concerned.

‘Fine, carry on,’ she croaked.

‘One minute it was just me and Leo and he was screaming and, God, can that kid scream.’ He gave a half-laugh. Carly sipped her tea carefully which soothed her throat as she waited for him to explain further. ‘I think Elizabeth came up behind me as I stood up and somehow she got knocked into the wall. But, honestly, I don’t know exactly how it happened.’ He shook his head. ‘Carly, what do I do?’

Carly didn’t like this. Nick’s version of events did sound plausible but then so had Beth’s, and Beth had the bruises to prove her account. However much she hated herself for it, Carly couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for Nick. It all seemed so out of character. She studied his face – was that a tear in his eye?

Carly wasn’t sure what to say. She would always be steadfastly loyal to Beth but was there even the smallest possibility that Beth had misread the situation?

‘I don’t know what you should do, Nick. But I guess if you really love her you try to put things right.’

‘That’s exactly what I intend to do. Whatever it takes. But first I need to know where she is.’

By the time Beth was safely at the bottom of the ladder Jack had finally stopped laughing. Beth was breathing heavily through her nostrils and was aware that she sounded a little like a cranky horse.

‘What is so funny?’ Her stern face seemed to set Jack off again.

He took a deep breath to quell the laughter. ‘Come on, I’ll buy you one of Rhonda’s famous bacon butties.’

Beth didn’t like being laughed at. At school she had never quite fitted in and had frequently been the butt of jokes she never quite understood and, right now, she felt exactly the same – self-conscious and awkward. Having made a concerted effort after Leo was born to carve out a successful career for herself, she was filled with dread at the thought of shrinking back into the uncomfortable and unsure person she had once been. It appeared all the old doubts had never actually gone away; they were just dormant awaiting a situation like this to reawaken them and bring them flooding back at full force.

‘Thanks, but I don’t think so,’ said Beth as she looked around for something to busy herself with. Jack had stopped laughing and was watching her closely and Beth found she was grinding her teeth so she stopped.

‘I didn’t mean to upset you.’

‘You’ve not.’ Beth took hold of the ladder and, finding the catch that released the upper sections, she pushed it into place with her thumbs. The ladder slid down at speed.

‘Noooo!’ Jack lunged at the ladder and managed to grab the first rung, only just stopping the rest of it from sliding into Beth’s face.

She looked startled and stumbled backwards.

‘Bloody hell, Beth, what did you do that for?’ He was still clutching the rung of the ladder and he looked cross.

‘Well, not for fun! It was an accident!’ She felt foolish enough without him pointing it out.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked, as he finished the job and laid the ladder on the grass. Beth nodded. She daren’t speak because for some ridiculous reason she felt like crying and if she opened her mouth she feared it may be a great blubbing sob that escaped rather than something coherent. ‘Come on, I need a bacon butty. Okay?’