– Faster, fast, little princess. To freedom from these stupid and insidious people. Run quickly, and I’ll help you. I’ll throw sand in their eyes to stop them … “” whispered the wind. And a handful of sand and dust rose to the top and, swirling with great force in a whirlwind, rushed at the people. Because of the dust and wind, nothing was visible. People covered themselves with newspapers with their hands to protect their eyes. Aigul was afraid to get into a taxi or a bus. She was terrified of people. She was afraid that she would be taken to this terrible doctor M. Looking around, seeing the stupid smiles of passers-by in nirvana, it seemed to her that the whole city was going to this doctor for an appointment. And everyone lost their minds like bewitched. This is why the fashion went for very short, barely covering skirts. That is why all and sundry are naked, revealing their “charms”.

“They just forgot to get dressed – it flashed in my head – That’s why everyone walks in the same underwear, which must be hidden under clothes. Forgotten! They just Forgot! And I was thinking about what I was thinking when I moved here.” She ran for a long, long time. She ran, stopped to rest, then ran again like a madman. People avoided and did not understand her. The city had its own life, here everything is different, not like in an aul and not every aul person can live here, keep up with the rapid flow of time and money. Here, everyone survives in his own way as best he can.

Aigul, having finally reached the station, boarded her train and left without buying her mother any medicine. Uncle Akhmet, who lives in the city, will buy the medicine. He will laugh about the incident he heard from Aigul and say that they are swindlers, and the people in Almaty are the same as in the aul. Aigul will breathe a sigh of relief, but for a long time she will not dare to go to her uncle’s home. And she no longer communicates with Janelle. It’s so scary to lose your brains! Allah forbid this to happen!!

Black sock mask

This plague began in China and spread throughout the world. It looks like a common cold, devours the lungs in the blink of an eye. But in the beginning, as some sources of the ubiquitous Internet say, animals, not people, but rather bats, were sick with it. But since the Chinese eat everything, they immediately became infected with it, and then all of us. Another source claims it is a mutation of the common cold. One way or another, we all sit at home and go out into the street only wearing masks. Masks are made of everything, they say even black socks. Just take a sock, insert the ear straps and you’re done! What? Very simple! The main thing is that the sock is clean! And then just imagine, a smelly sock and even in it all day! What should I do? It was necessary to go to the store urgently, but they were not allowed to go there without a mask. So it is written on the door on a large poster with a blue fountain pen: “Please do not enter without masks!” Well, okay… Do not enter.. so do not enter… I went to another, there the same thing, the same poster with a request. And the downpour on the street is such that it is wet to the skin! I’m healthy here, I started sneezing! How he sneezed! They all jumped aside! The whole crowd scattered in all directions! And then such a policeman approaches, affectionate.. So citizen, why are we without a mask? What? I’m not! He stuck his head into his jacket and sniffed past. I got to the house with bushes and… In short, I took this sock, attached straps to it and… Here it is a mask! What? Fashionable and beautiful! Satisfied with himself, or rather his ingenious resourcefulness, left the house! Yes!!! Munchausen is resting! Where is he up to our Kazakhs! We can’t do it yet! We are, in general, a genius nation! they say the nomads discovered America! Yes! Proud of my ancestors, I went out into the street with my head held high, or rather, with a high freckled nose! I went through nothing at all and then I realized that something was wrong with this mask… The air is different. or something… smelly… So someone sets fire to the garbage dump all the time, maybe that’s why… Look, it smokes with might and main… Whoever sets it on fire, Allah alone knows… Not that scourges scurrying at night there, not that the tenants themselves, that is, the neighbors… Although, the neighbors are unlikely to set fire to. the smoke will stretch straight into their windows, cover the whole house with smog, so much so that call an ambulance. Not. Not the neighbors are setting fire to… Maybe the scavengers? Well, those who take out the trash? Why would they? And in order not to export, do not waste gasoline…

So I went to the store door with such thoughts. At the entrance on a small table stood “Feri” All in my thoughts I silently opened the cap and threw it over my head, then took off my shoes and began to thoroughly wash my hairy, not shaved, like chimpanzee legs, with it. Having wiped them thoroughly, I wanted them already…

– Young man! What are you doing there?! – the stern voice of a satisfied fat aunt made me jump right up to the ceiling.

Stuttering, I looked up from such an important matter and… saw that a decent crowd of onlookers had gathered near me.

– Ah! – I realized – everyone needs to wash… The bathhouse has been closed for the second week and it is not known when it will open, but they will not be allowed in without washing their hands. Damn, what a smell here! Fu!

– Young man! I’ll call the police right now!

There is nothing to do… So almost barefoot, barefooted, he stepped aside, yielding his place to “Feri”. a thin, shaking man entered again, took my place at the “feri” and, having swallowed a couple of drops of its solution, walked by… Without even washing his hands or feet…

Feeling very sterile, I, disdaining, went to the counter. My inquisitive, sharp eye found dirty, muddy stains on the shelves, dirt on the floor, due to the pouring rain… and the ubiquitous fat flies… So fat that you can send them to a barbecue! Why! The Chinese eat all kinds of worms and flies! And why do these creatures, that is, flies, do not die even in such a cold?!

The store is full of products. What bread do you want! I dig deeper, chose a couple of rolls and asked me to wrap them in a bag. Then came out!

Can’t take it anymore! What’s that smell?! Pulling off my “mask”, I greedily gulped in fresh, honey air, which happens only after rain! And then it dawned on me!.. The sock from which I made the mask was from a heap for washing… In a hurry, I took the first thing that comes to hand… This is exactly what it was said in the manual for making: “Take the first thing that comes to you under hand.. “And you can’t take it off now! A little nauseous, the blood is already caked, the brains are boiling! And I still need to go to the bank! I can hardly hear anything…

Reaching the bank by taxi and standing in a long line in the pouring rain again, I finally walked to the table where my aunt was sitting in a muzzle, that is, wearing a mask.

She started asking me something, but I didn’t understand anything. Of everything she said in a low, barely audible voice, and even through the muzzle, she could only make out “Pee Peepy”

“Maybe he wants to go to the toilet, you never know what…” And smiling out loud to her, I wink:

– Well, you go, if you so want, I’ll wait.

To which she glared at me in anger, like the Nightingale the robber or there, Kashchei is the immortal and even louder, as the muzzle only allows, she repeated:

– Pee-pee-peepy!!!

And then I realized what was the matter! Eh! Where ours did not disappear! I pulled a roll of toilet paper out of my bag and smiled, understanding everything. handed it to her, they say, take it, do not hesitate… What is really there,,. anything can happen!

In response, she pulled off her muzzle and, to my surprise, screamed to the whole audience:

– Security! Get this madman out! My strength is gone!

I- What happened? – Asked the guard.

_ – Yes, I ask him, do you have a certificate? Surname name what they say? Open an account or something …? And he sends me three letters, and even shoves a roll of toilet paper in the face! Get him out, or I’ll throw him out of here right now! – the aunt was so angry that her hands were shaking, and her eyes were red and completely out of their sockets, foam was flowing from her mouth and she herself looked like a dog that would now devour me along with giblets. “If it was only one person, I still have a whole queue to eat!” She shouted incessantly.

Before I could say a word, they kicked me out of the bank with a kick in the ass!

Just those times… It’s my fault if I haven’t eaten porridge myself in the morning! He can barely speak… I would say clearly and clearly at once! Come on! Can’t you understand these women!

Soaking wet under the shower, I got to the other mail.

What to do? it must be so. Look, grandmothers, they always hang out in line. Why not me too? Came up, took the line, I’m waiting! I’m waiting for two hours…

Here the sock, that is to say, the muzzle mask, threw out of anger, but then, thinking it over, picked it up and crumpled it up and put it in my pocket.

Two heads in front of them in headscarves fought. One, under the pretext of “asking something,” slipped forward and received her money.

Another caught up with her and grabbed her by the handkerchief, threw her to the ground and began to bludgeon her with all her might.

Everyone stood and no one intervened. Barely breaking free, beaten, with tousled hair, crumpled, in a torn coat and without a mask, unhappy, whining, crawled out of the entrance and walked away. The other, proudly, victoriously, with her head raised high, entered, as if on a throne, and sat down on the only chair. The others stood in silence.

There were no more scenes.

Silently pulling my smelly sock-mask over my face, and barely holding back so as not to pull it straight to the floor, I went to the checkout…

I was standing at the checkout for some business. Recently it became known that the government is handing over 42,500. There were rumors that only those people would be handed over. who worked during the period of the virus. was left out of work, that is, was sent on unpaid leave. And so everyone who worked was served. And this one is correct, the person worked, it doesn’t matter. that he has a salary of 500 thousand, he will receive, and those. those who did not work will continue to live. They lived before and will live on. Since I was unemployed, I didn’t even think about going for benefits. Not allowed. And it’s a shame to ask the government for help. Young, healthy I will somehow live. They even said that those women who are not allowed in the decree, only up to a year… And that’s true. The child is already a year old, you can go to work, and the child will look after himself, he will change his own diapers, and he will make his own porridge! That’s right! So I thought, but my mother persuaded me to apply and I, not even ashamed, went to the bank. And what my surprise was that I, it turns out, am one of the lucky ones who receive, albeit one-time, but help. joyful with such overwhelming news, I caught my fat cat, who was hiding from me, jumping on the refrigerator and staunchly defending myself, as from a fascist, and pulled him out for a walk for the thirtieth time in a day.

—

How I fought with the phone

In a cell phone there is as if some sort of drunken man is sitting as a lord, who does not know Russian and speaks, or rather writes in Chinese. That’s for sure! So, today I wanted to talk to a friend of mine about painful problems. I want to write to her that I am sitting in prose and mail ru. I regularly enter text into the typing window in my phone, gently poking my finger over the letters. Has entered, like everything is correct, checked. Sent. The phone says in a blue square from me: “Rustam otin, male prose, miilya…”

I haven’t read that the smartphone has issued and I’m sitting so smart and smart, until I got confusion from my friend: “What other male prose and Who is Rustam Otin in general? Have you met long ago?”

After reading the message, I quietly fall into horror and slowly slide off my chair… But I myself do not know who Rustam Otin is! I look again at the message and check: suddenly she was mistaken. Not. all right. It turns out I wrote to her, or rather, my phone! What will people think of me now? That I sit all day in male prose with some Rustam Otin?! Reading in men’s magazines! I don’t know him myself! And I don’t look at men’s magazines at all, but I go around them for kilometers! I make excuses, I write that this is a mistake, that this is a telephone… He doesn’t believe.. He giggles… Okay, somehow we’ll digest… I’m trying to change the conversation topic about shopping.

I am writing to her that I will have to send money through Russia. I make sure that there are no incidents. I wrote everything exactly. I poke on the send key. Telephone:

The sixth miiilya Russian yuyuyuyu!!!

Am I so glad I ran six miles?

Yes, I, to be honest, have not been running in the morning for a long time… I even felt ashamed..

Telephone:

– All… glitch-glitch-glitch!!

Like I am swimming somewhere with the same Rustam at sea.

For the last glitch, I was ready to kill this phone at all! But…

Having passed on its last “glue-glue-glue”, the cunning phone lit up with a caustic dark red light, they say it wants to eat, charging is at zero and stalled!

I AM:

– During! Otherwise I would have thrown it in the trash!

But the phone knows I won’t throw it away. I gave 80,000 in blood for him! They will kill me at home, devour me with giblets, they say begged, ached for a whole year “buy” and “buy”, and now in the trash?! This is such money!

An acquaintance from our whole conversation with her understood that I had just problems and even big ones… I suspect what she was thinking…

And what is the phone? Lies calmly and does not blow in the mustache! I’m already afraid to approach him! No matter how my relatives read SMS… or rather the phone!

How Alik sold his apartment

We have been selling our apartment for three or four years and cannot sell it in any way. At the beginning, our apartment was an ordinary Soviet three-ruble note in a house. built during the heyday of the Soviet Union. There was nothing ordinary about her. The announcement of the sale of the apartment hung in the most visible place – on the window overlooking a busy highway. This area of;;the city is the most respectable, the most “fashionable” and then it seemed to us that it would not be difficult to sell an apartment. But as it turned out, this is not at all the case… People just came and went without saying a word… There was a kind of emptiness, hopelessness and despair in their eyes, and some even disgust, that very contemptuous “Fu!”

Tired of everything, Alik, grabbing another leaving customer by the floor of his jacket, shouted in his hearts:

– Tell me something?! What’s wrong with this apartment? Why don’t you want to take it?

The outgoing, yet another successful buyer reluctantly turned around and saw all the despair and pain of Alik, who almost had tears running from his eyes, yawning. scratching his head gave out:

– Oh well! So I will tell you. I do this purely out of good intentions and only because I know your parents well.

Alik became alert and became quiet. He wiped his snot and tears and began to listen to his teacher like a first grader. A failed buyer, this brute with a big belly and legs hanging on his knees, on the contrary, unlike Alik, who even became shorter and looked at him with all his eyes, suddenly acquired an important look, straightened up and even grew at once a whole meter, towering over Alik is like a lamppost.

_ Firstly.. – he began, bending his fingers, – you did not make major repairs

– Well, I whitewashed cleanly and painted the floors … – Alik justified himself, not listening to him to the end.

– Yes, your plaster is falling!! – shouted the buyer, who did not like that he was interrupted. “Your plumbing is old! The pipes are leaking!”

_-So the house was built in the 60s of the last century, back in the days of Khrushchev! What can I do?!

_ And I don’t care what and how! The apartment should be as good as new, as on the glossy cover, he pointed to the magazine, which he always carried with him in his pocket. There is a beautiful picture of a recently built high-rise building in a completely different, neighboring city.

_ Well, this is Almaty! And this is our Chu! There are no such houses here!

– But the prices are the same as in Almaty! And if so, then the repair should be the same!

– So the prices, they are the same everywhere, in Almaty, in Chu, only in Taraz a little cheaper.

– Have you ever thought why we have such expensive apartments in Chu?

– Probably, they found oil … – Alik got out.

– Here it is, oil … – He shoved the magazine back into his pocket and was about to leave.

– Although, in Almaty it is a little more expensive … – Alik breathed, but no one heard him. He stood alone in his apartment and, as evil, missed his next buyer again.

“Why am I just going to sell my three-ruble note?” He wondered more and more often. “They rightly say: “A stupid head doesn’t give rest to his feet.” he sits in a cozy armchair in his shady apple orchard and sips hot coffee with milk and crunches fried chicken.

– Listen, Ishimbaev! Are you dreaming again? And who is she? Beautiful? – Stuck his friend Kasym with questions, showing up to him early the next day.

– Uh-huh … – Alik said, still twisted in the clouds.

– The name of? Are you dating? – Kasym pushed him slightly, smiling from the top of his mouth.

– AND? What? – Alik did not understand, having fallen from heaven to the sinful earth.

– What are we going to do, I ask..

– Repair… We will make repairs! – Alik said resolutely and irrevocably, as if he had cut it off.

From that very day, repairs began. Not a simple repair, but with the tearing out of all the veins and meat from the old Khrushchev. It seemed that she was crying, losing her face, her value, her story. The dust from the fallen, old, destroyed plaster stood in a pillar so that nothing could be seen. One after another, the rooms turned from an old Khrushchev into a new fashionable one like on a glossy magazine of that same failed buyer. All the repairs cost him a round sum, and if you add everything up, it turns out just 12 million, no more, no less. Two months later, Alik updated his advertisement for the sale, displaying new beautiful pictures of his three-ruble note and waited.

A month passed, then a second, a third… year. Nothing. people came and went. They looked, snorted, scratched their heads, sniffed something, looked under sofas, armchairs, beds, into the toilet, into the toilet, the bathroom, the kitchen, went to the balcony, asked “what’s in the attic” and were even going to buy it, but.. for 6 million, maximum for 10.

– But I spent all 12 only on repairs! – Alik was surprised in response to the amount offered to him. – What is wrong now?

– Hmm… As you know … – shrugging his shoulders, the buyer silently left.

The neighbor, the most advanced in terms of sales, suggested to Alik to contact the realtor.

I don’t know how realtors work in other cities, but our self-appointed realtor, or simply Sake, who knows how to sell everything in two days and doesn’t take much, surprised Alik.

He demanded that Alik vacate his apartment for a while and did not interfere in everything. The most important thing is to sell, he claimed.

– Do you trust me? – Sake grabbed him by the throat.

– Well..

– Yes or no!

– Hmm.. Okay… Hand over!

– That I respect! This is masculine, our way. – Sake smugly stroked his goat, tattered, scanty, black beard sticking out in all directions. With great enthusiasm and self-confidence, he began to wander through all the apartments and carry something about modernity, hokka, and something else that Alik did not understand at all, but only assented, pretending to agree with him.

“The main thing is to sell.. – he reassured himself, and what is there and how is not important.

And a week of rest will not hurt. I already hesitated with this repair, be it not okay!”

Collecting not cunning belongings in his backpack and leaving the apartment in the hands of the all-knowing Sake, Alik left the city. Long dreamed of visiting the mountains, going to the sea. But what sea do we have? But the river is also nothing. Having erected a tent on the bank of the river, near the thickets of the jigida, Alik gladly dived into its shadow and fell asleep in a blissful sleep.

A week later, anticipating a new renovation made according to the latest fashion, and most importantly, new buyers who “will simply take away each other’s apartment,” as the respected Sake said, offering fabulous money, Alik entered his house. Climbing the stairs, with each step, his heart pounded harder and harder. First floor, second, third, and here is the fourth…

He opens the door lightly… It opens with a creak… and…

His jaw just falls off!

With wide eyes, he rushed about his apartment and did not recognize her at all!

Where is modern?! Where is the know-how?! Where is the Chinese style?! Complete devastation, the wallpaper came off and snot hang from all the walls, showing through its nakedness, the new plaster fell down so that even a brick is visible, the plumbing does not work! There is no water (oh God!)! There is dirt, dust, cigarette butts, linoleum on the floor, the floorboards are torn out and holes are gaping here and there, that God forbid to fall through and break your neck, construction debris is everywhere, even in the toilet and in the sink, in the bathroom and in the refrigerator. New furniture was taken out, and instead of it there was a perforated sofa with springs sticking out of its core. Instead of the new digital, the old Soviet one doesn’t work!

Alik grabbed the phone and frantically dialed the familiar number to Sake.

– You … – What are you doing, huh?! – He yelled in fury into the phone.

“Oh, haven’t you come yet?” They asked calmly in the receiver. – Now, they will drive up. – beeps were heard in the receiver.

and indeed, an expensive foreign car drove into the courtyard of the five-story building, a fat lady rolled out of it, in an equally expensive black fur coat, although it was only autumn on the street and there would be no snow for a long time. Adjusting her dark glasses, she looked up to the top and, in spite of the old women always sitting at the entrance, went up to the fourth floor.

– Are you selling the apartment? she asked.

Alik didn’t know what to say. To say that no, because, for sure, it will start its “fu!” or..

– Dddd-yes.. – stuttering, squeezed out of Alik. – How much will you give? At least a quarter or so … “” he asked bashfully, he felt as if the drunk was asking for a drink, realizing that nothing could shine for him at all for such devastation.

– what a repair! What a style! – her eyes shone with light – Wow! It’s modern! Exotic! Know-how!

Alik stretched out in a smile, still hiding his eyes, staring at the floor.

– You know, I went around everything, but your apartment hooked me! I will give 13 million for it! Immediately!

Alik’s eyes widened in surprise. Not believing, he even pinched himself and when she left, having laid out all the bucks on his table, he jumped for joy to the ceiling!

Well her, this fashion! Simple mortals do not understand her! The main thing is to sell!

A week later, he was sitting in his cozy country mansion and drinking his coffee with milk in his shady apple orchard. His house was the most ordinary, albeit without any modernist and know-how, but dear. cozy and even sincere. And this is the main thing.

***

I sit dreaming. I look at houses, mansions for sale. I really liked one mansion. Such a beautiful picture, but the price is also very beautiful – under 1 billion tenge. I wondered what kind of house it was under one billion, what was inside. Probably, there should also be a pool for a football field the size and rooms of gold and marble.. I am opening… a bare piece of land, overgrown with weeds in 12 acres of land and nothing more… Nothing at all!. Only the sign under the photo reads: “Here may be your dream home and it may look like this picture” and next to it, on the right, is a beautiful picture of that same mansion. The curtain.

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Quarantine. A book of stories and poems

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