Not Quite Perfect

Joel sits back waiting for Emma to show her appreciation. Emma Darcy has never been a girl to disappoint. Before she knows what is happening, she lurches forwards, grabs a handily place wastepaper bin and vomits, accidentally splashing Joel’s shoes. They look at one another astonished before Emma wipes her mouth with a tissue and makes for the door, bin in hand without a backward glance or word. She almost collides with her godmother Rosie, who is striding down the corridor arm in arm with Miranda, two extravagantly colourful powerhouses of energy.

‘Darling! I’m just having coffee with Mimms. Take you for lunch afterwards?’

‘Wonderful,’ says Emma with a smile. ‘I’m suddenly starving!’

Rachel feels one of her eyes open and realises that her eyelid is being lifted for her by a three-year-old’s finger.

‘Wake up, Mummy,’ sings a sweet angelic voice. When she attempts to close her eye again, its pitch and tone intensify. ‘Wake up, Mummy. Now!’

Rachel tries to open both eyes simultaneously and glare at her torturer.

‘Alfred, Mummy has got a headache!’

‘Yeah, Dad said you had too much beer,’ says Will, who has just wandered into the bedroom.

‘Oh he did, did he?’ mumbles Rachel, feeling an attack of ‘bad mother with a hangover’ syndrome coming on. ‘Where’s Lily?’

‘Downstairs, watching Milkshake. I turned it on for her,’ adds Will proudly.

‘Clever boy,’ says Rachel weakly ruffling his hair and checking her watch. ‘Oh bloody hell! We’ve got to get Will to school in twenty minutes.’

‘Oh bloody hell!’ shouts Alfie with glee.

Eighteen minutes later, Rachel has bundled herself and the children into the car and armed each of them with a banana. ‘A good, nutritious breakfast,’ she declares.

‘I wanted porridge,’ says Lily, doing her best grumpy princess face.

‘And I want two weeks in Barbados with George Clooney. Sometimes life is so unfair,’ says Rachel.

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