First To Fall

‘Oh how splendid!’ Edmond smiled ear to ear. ‘I’ll have a word with Mrs. Cope tonight. Although I should warn you, she does like a drink or two.’

The clouds still hung heavy with the threat of rain when Aiden pulled into his driveway. He had spent the afternoon going over his notes and listening to the audio recording of his meeting with Brandy. He had assembled a number of questions for when he next went to visit the prison and was determined to find out more about her deceased husband, Brandon.

The sweet smell of apple pie floated on the air and enticed his senses. He hoped that the delicious aroma was coming from his own home but did not want to get his hopes up as it would be completely out of character for Isla to bake.

To Aiden’s delight, when he entered the kitchen he was greeted by a glorious pie sitting proudly in the centre of the table.

‘Well, well,’ he called out. Meegan came hurrying in to greet him, throwing herself clumsily into his legs for a hug.

‘Hey, tiny dancer.’ He scooped her up in his arms and noted how quickly she was growing and gaining weight these days. He was thankful to now be having the chance to savour each and every precious moment of all her too fleeting childhood.

‘Pie, pie!’ she squealed, pointing over at the table.

‘Yes, I can see a lovely pie. Did Mommy make it?’

‘And me!’

‘Oh, of course, and you.’

‘She helped crush apples,’ Isla informed him as she entered the kitchen.

‘Clever girl.’ Meegan was beaming with pride.

‘How was work?’

Aiden set his daughter down and she ran off into the lounge. He admired the pie again and gave his wife an approving smile.

‘Well this is certainly nice to come home to. Makes a change from takeaway!’

‘The nearest takeaway is two towns over so you better get used to good old-fashioned home cooking!’

‘Work was good thanks, hun. Went to the prison, it was quite interesting. I can’t make her out.’

‘Who?’

‘The suspect. She seems, well, not like a killer.’

‘But she is though, isn’t she?’

‘Well, yes, she confessed.’

‘There you go then. Don’t go over-thinking it. Just enjoy handling a simple case.’ Isla began to lay the table for dinner.

‘So what delicacy have you whipped up for tonight?’

‘Macaroni and cheese.’

‘Oh.’ Aiden found it hard to conceal his disappointment at the meal which had been his staple diet whilst a struggling student.

‘I know, it isn’t the most exciting but the pie took forever. I’m still getting used to this whole Stepford Wives scenario.’

‘I’m grateful, don’t get me wrong. I love mac and cheese, and I know Meegan is crazy for it. Thanks.’ He went over and planted a kiss on her cheek.

‘So, what do you think?’ Isla stepped back from him and held her hands out expectantly, her face full of excitement.

‘So?’ Aiden was confused.

‘Come on Aid, don’t kid, you like it, right?’

‘Erm…’ He looked his wife up and down, unsure what the answer was she was looking for.

‘God, Aid!’ Her tone made it clear he had given a very wrong answer.

‘My hair, jeez! I had my hair done, remember? Shorter, new colour. God, you just live in your own little world, just like you did in Chicago!’ Her face was flush with anger, and now that she mentioned it, her hair did look a bit different.

‘Hey,’ Aiden was getting defensive, ‘there is no need to be like that. I’ve just got in; give me chance to get myself together.’

‘There was a time when you would notice something like that straight away!’

‘Well, excuse me for not being the most perceptive man in the world! Your hair looks great, Isla. Sorry I did not notice it the second you walked into the room. Maybe you shouldn’t have distracted me with the pie if you wanted to be the centre of attention!’

‘Oh, that’s right, I think it’s all about me.’ Her hands were folded across her chest, her eyes locked onto Aiden in a death stare and her voice was now eerily calm. He hated women’s mood swings. He hated arguing because he knew that whatever he said was inevitably going to be the wrong answer.

‘It usually is always about you.’

Now her eyes bulged with rage and the calmness was once again swept away by her anger.

‘Oh yes, Aid. Me, me me! We are here because of ME! Isn’t that right? How dare you! I moved my life for you. And this is how you repay me? Great! I’m trying my best to keep it together, this place is so unbelievably backwards, getting my hair done at least helps me get some sense of normality.’

‘Do you know how shallow that sounds?’

‘I do not care! I’m here and I’m really trying. I don’t want to become some housewife who fades into the background of your life!’

‘Isla, I see you. All I could think when I came in was how proud I was of you baking a pie, which is so much more important to me than your hair being immaculate. That is why we are here, to get our values right. You look beautiful to me no matter what. I don’t want Meegan to grow up being image-obsessed. I don’t want her to get sick like you did.’

Isla’s eyes grew teary at the mention of her battle with anorexia which, while a distant memory, still had the power to cut her like a knife. Aiden crossed the space between them which was littered with insults and spite. He held his wife in his arms and kissed her new hair.

‘You look beautiful, baby, you always do.’ She was now crying into his shoulder.

‘It’s just hard, Aid,’ Isla spluttered through her tears. ‘This isn’t my home. Chicago was my home and I’m lonely here. I had a life, I had friends and now I have…nothing. I’m sorry, I’m just finding it hard to adjust.’

‘I know,’ Aiden whispered soothingly in to his wife’s ear. ‘It will take time, baby. We’ve just got to stick together.’

‘Mommy?’ Meegan was looking up at them, bewilderment in her little face and tears streaking her podgy cheeks.

‘Oh, baby girl,’ Isla gasped, hurriedly wiping the tears from her own cheeks.

‘What…is…wrong?’ the little girl sobbed, the confusion of seeing her mother cry overwhelming her.

‘Nothing, honey.’ Isla was now hugging her little girl as her sobs turned into hiccups.

‘Daddy told Mommy he was going to eat the whole pie because it looks so good and I’m very hungry,’ Aiden offered as an explanation.

‘No!’ Meegan screamed and started hitting his legs in fury.

‘Hey,’ he protested, grabbing her little arms mid-punch. ‘I’m sure that there is enough for us all to share, you and Mommy did a great job and I’m very proud.’

Isla smiled warmly at them both.

‘And doesn’t Mommy look super pretty with her hair?’

‘Oh yes.’ Meegan was now smiling again. Aiden felt exhausted; living with two women was far from easy.

‘They made my nails pink!’ She showed her dad her tiny nails which now glistened and sparkled. He hid his true feelings with a smile as he couldn’t handle another argument. Meegan was two; she didn’t need to be getting caught up in all that beauty stuff yet. He would discuss it with Isla another time. For now, they were going to enjoy a nice family evening together.

As they sat down to eat that evening, rain began splashing against the windows with a sudden fury, the tension in the air finally lifted.

Chapter Three: Little Miss Southern Star

Aiden took a long drink from his coffee and looked down sadly at his half-eaten breakfast, knowing that he was going to have to admit defeat.

‘Whats wrong?’ Isla asked from across the table. ‘Don’t you like your breakfast?’

‘It is wonderful,’ he began.

‘Don’t you feel well?’

‘I feel fine.’

‘So what is it?’

Aiden hesitated. Isla was getting really prickly about things lately and he didn’t want another argument. The truth of it was, that every day since moving to Avalon she insisted on cooking him a massive breakfast each morning, ‘to build him up for the day’ apparently, but it was just too much. Aiden was used to a liquid breakfast; on the rare occasions that he did eat it was usually just a bagel snatched from a vendor on his dash into work. Being confronted with a plate overflowing with bacon rashers, eggs both scrambled and fried, grits, French toast and beans was starting to make him feel sick. He knew he had to tread gently when expressing his thoughts to Isla; she was just being nice to him after all.

‘I don’t normally eat a big breakfast, and whilst it is lovely sometimes, some days, just cereal would do.’

To his relief, Isla just nodded in agreement.

‘That is fine, Aid. As long as it isn’t because you don’t like my cooking or something! It is hard to know when enough is enough. I’ve never normally cooked for you before and I’m still getting used to my new role. I guess I need to pull back a bit else you and Meegan are going to become whales!’

He reached out and touched her hand.

‘You are doing an amazing job. I had no idea that you had all this in you!’

‘Well, you were never around that much before to see.’

‘I’m here now and I don’t want to miss a thing!’ The couple smiled warmly at one another.

‘If you are all finished, I’ll start clearing up.’ Isla began collecting together the various plates and cutlery from the table.

‘I’ll help,’ Aiden offered, rising to his feet.

‘No, no, you’ve got work, let me handle this. Finish your coffee.’ Without any further persuasion he sat back down and returned to drinking the jet-black stimulant from his favourite blue mug. It was chipped and cracked all over but he loved it. Coffee just didn’t taste the same in anything else. He had lost count of the times Isla had tried to throw it out, she thought it tacky and old. But Aiden had developed a strange attachment to his mug. Perhaps it was because it had been a gift from his mother before she had passed away. Whatever the reason, his favourite start to the day was enjoying putting his old mug to his lips and savouring the contents from inside as they slid down the back of his throat.

‘Oh,’ Isla called to him over the sound of the faucet filling up the sink with soapy water. ‘Don’t forget we’re going to church this Sunday. It’ll give us a chance to meet people and that. I saw the local priest when I was walking into town with Meegan. Nice man. Father somebody, I don’t remember. He was super friendly, not creepy or anything, so I said we would go.’ The tone of her voice suggested that this was aimed more as a question than a statement.

‘That is fine, honey.’ Aiden noticed that outside the sun was shining and the sky was a dazzling crystal blue. He always felt better about his upcoming day when the sun was shining, often taking it as a good omen of things to come.

‘Nice day today, you taking Meegan anywhere?’

‘I thought I might drive out of town a bit, pick up some paints.’

‘Great idea, you two will enjoy painting the house together!’

‘Any colours you would like?’

‘I don’t mind,’ then, looking at his mug, he added, ‘a deep blue, like my mug.’

‘Ugh,’ Isla sighed in disgust. ‘That damn mug. Fine, I’ll check out the manky blues for you.’

‘It is not a manky blue; it is dark like the depths of the ocean.’

‘You say dark, I say dull.’

He was about to protest when Isla yelled out in sudden anger, ‘Meegan!’

He looked up at his little daughter to see her wearing her Elmo breakfast bowl as a hat, oatmeal all over her head. She was giggling hysterically. Aiden had to stifle a laugh.

‘Oh, you can laugh,’ Isla said angrily as she removed the bowl and began mopping up the stone-coloured gloop. ‘You are not the one who has to clean this mess up! I’ve already washed her once this morning!’

Meegan was still giggling away.

‘No, Meegan. Bad girl!’ her mother scolded. Still the giggles refused to subside. Isla looked over to Aiden for support.

‘Breakfast is for eating, Meegs. Not wearing.’

At her father’s stern words the little girl’s face scrunched up into a ball and her skin began to turn crimson.

‘Now look what you have done!’ Isla moaned as Aiden braced himself for what was coming next. Meegan let out a huge scream and began wailing at the top of her lungs. Aiden was relieved to be leaving for work, baffled at how something so small could make a sound so immense. Her wails vibrated throughout his body, making his very bones shake.

‘I’m sorry, honey, but I have to go now else I’ll be late.’ Isla just waved her hand at him, not even turning her head as she continued to clean up the mess surrounding Meegan.

‘Are you sure you areOK?’ he yelled over the screaming.

‘I’m fine, just go!’ She still didn’t look at him.

Aiden lingered in the doorway, knowing from experience that when a woman said she was feeling fine, more often than not she meant the complete opposite. On not hearing the door slam to announce his departure, Isla looked up.

‘Go!’ she cried again, getting more and more agitated by Meegan’s frantic cries. Her eyes said stay but she was telling him to go. Confused, Aiden went with the vocal direction and left. He could still hear Meegan as he got into his car and felt a pang of guilt at driving away when she was so distressed. He hoped that everything would be calmer when he got home. He turned out of the driveway and headed back towards Eastham. He was going to visit Brandy again and had a few questions that he wanted answers to.

After the straightforward drive and the maze of corridors and gates, Aiden found himself once again sat before the Perspex pane of glass, looking into the amber eyes of Brandy White. She seemed even smaller than he remembered, and her skin was so pale it was almost translucent. Her eyes seemed so dark and sunken , it was as if her spirit was finally crushed and that her body was just fading away.

‘How are you doing?’ he asked softly.

‘Did you manage to see Father West?’

Aiden shook his head.

‘Oh, please, Mr. Connelly. I am so, so worried about my soul. I need to see him to make things right.’

‘So, you are feeling remorse about your husband’s death?’ This was good, she was finally beginning to show more normal emotions which would help the case flow more easily.

‘No,’ she replied flatly.

‘I just thought…’

‘I want to see Father West because I have always gone and made my peace with God every Sunday since I can remember. Call it comfort or whatever, but feeling like I do not have a connection to him, well, I feel truly dreadful.’

Aiden had to admit that she did look dreadful. Today the orange jumpsuit drowned her tiny frame and she seemed to shiver in her seat even though the room, at least on his side, felt far from cold.

‘Would you describe yourself as religious, Brandy?’

‘Most definitely.’

‘Do you not think that God will be angered by what you did to your husband?’ He was eager for answers and saw her faith as a way in.

‘No, I think he will understand.’

Aiden frowned, bemused by her response.

‘Brandy?’ He locked eyes with her, but not before double-checking that the Dictaphone was recording on the table beside him. ‘Why did you kill your husband?’

She smiled, not a cynical, wry smile, but a sweet, warm one, as if she were impressed by Aiden’s question.

‘Mr. Connelly, you are the first person to ask me that. Isn’t that strange?’

‘That is strange,’ he agreed, baffled at why he had failed to ask her that sooner himself.

‘When the police came, everybody was shouting, it was chaos. They put the handcuffs on me and just sent me straight here. I was put in a cell on my own; I suppose they think I am dangerous maybe. No one has been to see me. I hear people talking as they walk by, but no one has asked me why. Even when the police took my statement, they asked me what happened and that was that. They didn’t want to know why.’

‘So why did you do it?’

‘Well…it…’ Brandy suddenly became extremely agitated. Tears welled up in her eyes and her lips began quivering. She wrung her hands together in an attempt to alleviate her anxiety but it did no good. Her body shook like she was sobbing deep within her soul but she barely made a sound.

‘Hey, it’sOK,’ Aiden tried to calm her. Without really knowing what he was doing, he placed his palm upon the glass. The guards watched him intently, unsure of what he was doing.

Brandy understood and placed her hand against his; the glass was cool to the touch but no longer seemed such a huge barrier.

‘I am here,’ he almost whispered, ‘to help you. I know this is hard.’

She began to calm down.

‘I need to know what happened, and why it happened. Take as long as you need, but you must tell me everything.’

She nodded slowly with understanding.

‘I remember hearing somebody say once that the beginning is a very good place to start, so that is what I’ll do.’

She withdrew into herself for a moment, then taking a deep breath, she began.

‘I have lived in Avalon all my life. You couldn’t find a nicer town. The sun seems to always shine and most people greet you with a smile and a kind word, at least they used to… ‘I was raised by my Ma. My Pa had took off long before I was even born. I don’t even know his name. Sometimes I wonder if she even knew who he was for sure. We lived in a trailer, out on Clapham Way. I know what you must be thinking, trash, right?’

Aiden shook his head. Brandy bit her lip, unsure whether to carry on.

‘Please, continue,’ he urged.

‘See, lots of folk live in trailers at some point, when times get hard. Without a steady man and a kid in town, it was all my Ma could afford. I had a nice childhood for the most part. I played with friends; some lived in nice, fancy houses and had nice things. I never brought anybody home, I wasn’t ashamed as such, I just didn’t want to be judged. Every Sunday Ma dressed me up real nice and we went to church and we fitted in with everyone else. I was happiest there. Life felt normal when we were at church and Ma seemed happy. But I noticed something was wrong when I was around eight. She had just broken up with, I think his name was Jamie, and it had hit her hard. I’m pretty sure she loved him but I think he had a wife as he wasn’t around too much but was always talking about one day making us all a real family. When he left she just seemed to give up. At first it was just drinking, but then she turned to drugs.’

Brandy appeared pained by the memories, but seemed determined to carry on.

‘Trailer parks don’t attract the best people so it was easy for her to get drugs. I’m not sure what she took. She smoked it, used needles, anything. I lost count of the times I would come home from school to find her passed out. I’d have to run to the doctor’s house, no matter what time it was, to get help. It got so bad he gave me his home number to call in an emergency, but since we didn’t have a phone I never used it. Things got worse and she would often be out of it for days. Often it felt like she didn’t even know I was there. I knew she needed help but she wouldn’t listen to me and there was no way I was going to leave her. She was all I had.’

Aiden was listening intently but Brandy stopped again.

‘Before I carry on, you must promise me something.’

‘Sure.’

‘You must not pity me, Mr.Connelly. I know I didn’t have the best upbringing and a part of me hates my Ma, hates her for not having the strength to cope without a man by her side. But no good ever came of pity. Maybe how things were then is why I’m sitting here today, but I’d rather you left here having learned something than pitying me.’

‘It can’t have been easy but I don’t pity you,’ Aiden lied, feeling guilty of how easy and sheltered his own childhood was.

‘Sometimes she would make me go collect drugs for her, I didn’t realise what was going on at first. Then, as I got older, men started to look at me more. I got breasts and a butt and Ma realised that she could use me as currency to get drugs.’

Aiden felt his breath catch in his throat as he took in what she was saying.

‘I’ve blacked out the worst of it. Thanks to Father West, he helped me make sense of it all. But what with taking care of Ma and everything else, I just stopped going to school. I tried to keep it up as much as I could but, well, I dropped out at fifteen. Of all the things I have done in this life, leaving school is what fills me with the most shame.’

She wiped a stray tear that had fallen down her cheek.

‘God is testing us you see. Life is just one big test and I would hate to think that I had failed. At fifteen things looked really bad. I didn’t know what I was going to do with my life. That’s when Ma found out about the Little Miss Southern Star pageant. The prize money was $10,000. With that kind of money we could buy a house and finally have a proper life. She signed me up and I was really excited. We both were. She started doing my hair pretty and showing me how to wear make-up. I just loved that she was finally taking notice of me and seemed to be drinking less but, looking back, she was only bothering with me because she saw that I could make her some money. Still, she was acting like a mother and I was determined not to let her down.

‘Miss Southern Star is open to girls from all the Southern States aged between sixteen and nineteen. The main competition was just two days after my sixteenth birthday so I only just made it in. The first few rounds went by in a blur. It seemed unreal when I made it to the final. The local paper interviewed me, I became a local celebrity! I was so excited about representing Avalon. My dress was beautiful; pink satin with sequins. The church held a fundraiser to help pay for my various costumes, but that dress, it just took my breath away. It was by far the nicest thing I had ever owned.’

As she spoke about the competition, the colour returned to Brandy’s cheeks and the light within her began to glow again. It was clear to Aiden that this had been a very happy time in her life.

‘I was so nervous the day of the finals, I couldn’t eat a thing. I threw up twice on the way there! Ma cussed me and said it was important that I kept my nerve. She told me that as long as I got up on that stage and kept smiling that everything would be all right. There were so many people there, it was crazy. I felt so special in my pink gown, with Ma there cheering me on. She had even started to drink less; I think that with the attention we were getting in town she didn’t want to ruin it all by her problems coming out. I even started to have this daydream that my Dad would see me in the papers and come find me and make Ma happy again.

‘In the end there were three finalists. I can still remember their names; Andie-Mae Watkins from Georgia. She was so pretty with green eyes and the reddest hair, like fire. And Kaitlin Banks, can’t recall where she was from. She had black hair and the whitest skin. She reminded me of Snow White. Then there was little old me. Those two girls were so stunning; I never dreamt that I could possibly win. When they read out my name as the winner I thought that I was going to faint with joy! It was amazing! I can’t tell you, Mr. Connelly, just how glorious it felt. It was like every birthday and Christmas at once. They put this gorgeous crown on my head; it was so delicate, made of gold with emerald stones in it. Oh, and the sash. Looking down and seeing Miss Southern Star written across me, well, I broke down and cried. Ma had told me that no matter what, I mustn’t cry as I’d ruin my make-up but I couldn’t help it. It was just all too wonderful.’

For a moment, Brandy was lost in her memory. Back there on the stage, engulfed in the deafening rumble of applause. A thousand tiny lights sparkled before her, the flash of a camera forever capturing her elation. Then her happiness began to fade once more as the memory gave way to the present.

‘I was so amazingly happy. Ma was so proud, I thought that I had it made,’ she told Aiden. ‘But then…’ Her voice broke off, wracked with emotion.