A Daughter’s Sorrow

‘How is he, Rosie? What happened last night?’

‘Jamie got paid three shillin’s,’ she said and grinned wryly. ‘It was the first work he’d had in days and he spent all the money on drink. There was an argument with some bloke he knows … turned into a bleedin’ riot! They were smashin’ the furniture when the bleedin’ coppers arrived.’

‘Was Jamie hurt?’

‘Someone hit ’im from behind. I think it were a copper or it might ’ave bin one of the sailors he were fightin’. Your Jamie’s a proper bruiser, Bridget. ’E ought ter do it fer a livin’. Layin’ ’em out left and right he were, then someone cracked a bottle over his head, and the next thing the bleedin’ coppers were all over the place and one of ’em knocked Jamie down, even though he were already dazed. They carted ’im orf and I ain’t seen ’im since.’

‘They ought to be ashamed of themselves.’

‘I was worried about ’im,’ Rosie said looking at me oddly. ‘But I shan’t hang around now that you’re ’ere. Jamie will be all right wiv you, Bridget.’

‘I’m not too sure about that,’ I said ruefully. ‘Mam will go wild if there’s no money for her and if she finds out he spent his money on drink and spent the night in the cells, she’ll likely throw him out.’

‘She’s a hard woman, your ma.’ Rosie pulled a face. ‘Jamie knows he can come to me if he’s looking for a place to stay. You tell him that, Bridget.’

‘That’s kind of you,’ I said, ‘but you can’t keep him, Rosie. He needs to work – he ought to work. There’s nothing wrong with him, he’s strong as a bull.’

‘It ain’t easy to find work round ’ere. You don’t know what it’s like for ’im, Bridget, the men standin’ in line, waitin’ to be set on. If you’ve been in trouble you get the worse jobs. Jamie was unloading bones for the soap factory – dirty, stinking and crawling with maggots, ’e said they was. Had to wash the taste out of ’is mouth. You can’t blame ’im, Bridget.’

‘No, I don’t suppose so, but he’s his own worst enemy, Rosie.’

‘Jamie’s Jamie,’ she said and smiled, her eyes warm with affection. ‘Don’t nag ’im, luv. He’s down enough as it is.’

I watched her walk away. I was well aware that it was hard for my brother having to wait in line to be given a job. Until a year previously he’d been in regular work, but some trouble on the docks had led to his being dismissed and since then he’d had to take whatever he could get.

As I entered the station the sergeant behind the desk gave me a sour look. ‘Come for that brother of yours, I suppose?’

‘Yes, please, Sergeant Jones. I am sorry he caused you some bother.’

‘Not your fault,’ Bill Jones replied, his frown lifting at the tone of my voice. ‘He’s a fool to himself. He’s got a good brain, he should make some use of it.’

‘It’s only when the drink is in him, Sergeant Jones.’

‘I know that. If I didn’t I would have had him on a charge before this. As it is, the landlord didn’t want to push charges. He’s used to his customers causing trouble, and it wasn’t him that called us in. Take Jamie home and see if you can make him see sense, will you, Miss O’Rourke? He’s getting a bad name for himself. Tell him that it’s only a matter of time before he’ll be in serious trouble if he goes on this way. He might listen to you.’

‘Yes, perhaps,’ I said and smiled at him. ‘And thank you for not sending him up before the magistrate.’

‘One of these days he’ll go too far … He’s got a sore head and feels a bit sorry for himself. You’d best take him home and give him a cup of tea, miss.’

One of the younger policemen had been sent to fetch Jamie from the cells. He came in through a side door, his jacket slung carelessly over his shoulder and an air of defiance about him, but his expression changed as he saw me.

‘So they sent for you,’ he said, and just for a moment a flicker of shame showed in his eyes. ‘There was no need. I’m sober now.’

‘You were injured last night,’ Sergeant Jones said and glared at him. ‘Go home with your sister and think about your life, lad. You’re wasting your time with all this drinking and brawling.’

Jamie scowled but made no answer, merely jerking his head at me as he left the station.

‘Goodbye, Sergeant Jones,’ I said. ‘Thank you.’

‘Why did you thank the bastard?’ Jamie growled as we walked along the street. ‘It was probably him that hit me.’

‘You know it wasn’t, Jamie. Rosie Brown said you were hit by one of them varmints you were fighting with, then one of the coppers knocked you down, but you were half out anyway.’ I looked at him anxiously. ‘Does your head still hurt bad?’ My own was feeling sore after the incident the previous night, but I wasn’t going to tell him that. He was in enough trouble already.

‘It aches a bit. The police surgeon patched me up earlier, said I should go to bed for a couple of days when I got home. But I’m off down the docks to see if I can get a few hours’ work.’

‘Surely it doesn’t matter for one day? Have a rest, Jamie.’

‘I can’t afford to, Bridget. I’ve no money for Mam …’

‘You’ll likely earn some another day.’

‘And when’s that likely to be? I can’t stand it, Bridget. Sometimes I think I’ll run away – go to America like Da did.’

‘Do you think that’s where he is? Mam said he was drowned, but Lainie said she was lyin’.’

‘Well, it was what we told the coppers,’ Jamie said. ‘Maybe Mam believes it now, but I reckon he got away. He’d spoken of going back to the old country and from there to America. Ah, it’s a grand life there so they say – the streets are paved with gold, so they are.’

‘You don’t really believe that?’

Jamie grinned, his arrogant manner back in place. ‘No, but there’s more opportunity for a man to get on. I’m sick of bowing and scraping just to get a day’s work …’

‘Why don’t you try something else, Jamie? Something better than casual work on the docks. Why let them humiliate you? Show them you’re better than that!’

‘There’s nothing else on offer round here, Bridget. I’ve been everywhere and none of them would give me a chance, even if they wanted a man—’

‘Then go further afield … don’t just give up, Jamie. Try to make some sort of a life for yourself.’

‘It might mean me being away for weeks – even months. There would be no money until I got a chance to come back for a visit.’

‘We could manage. And if you went to America we might never see you again. At least this way you could come home now and again.’

‘Would you miss me, darlin’?’

‘You know I would, Jamie, but you’re wasting your time around here. I’d like to see you settled …’

‘I’ll think about it,’ he said and then frowned. ‘Why don’t you get back to work, Bridget? Mr Dawson won’t be too pleased as it is, I’ll wager?’

‘No, he wasn’t,’ I admitted and studied his face. ‘Are you sure you’re all right? Sergeant Jones said I should make sure you got home safely.’

‘I’ll see Mam, then I’ll be off. Make inquiries about work elsewhere. No doubt they’ll be fallin’ over themselves for me services …’ He grinned at me, his old confidence coming through. ‘If you don’t see me for a while you’ll know I’ve taken your advice.’

‘You won’t go to America?’

Jamie hesitated, then shook his head. ‘No – not yet, anyway. I promise I’ll tell you if I decide to go and I’ll see you’ve got a bit o’ money in your pocket. Get off then before Mr Dawson gives you up for lost.’

I ran all the way back to the brewery, terrified that I would lose my job. It was going to be hard enough without Lainie’s money, and if Jamie didn’t bring anything in either Mam would create, but I was glad I’d told him he ought to move on. Being out of work so often was making him bitter and I wanted the old, carefree Jamie back – even if it meant that I had to bear the brunt of Ma’s temper.

Mr Dawson didn’t dismiss me that day. Instead, he gave me a rise of two shillings and sixpence. It was more than he’d promised and I thought he wanted to make up for being sharp with me earlier.

I decided not to give this first rise to Mam and I bought some eggs at the shop on the way home and a tiny corner of butter for Tommy. I hesitated over some raspberry drops, then bought a small twist for him as a treat.

‘Put these in your pocket and don’t let Mam find them,’ I told him as I gave him the sweets. ‘It’s our secret.’

‘If she finds them I’ll tell her I won them off a lad at school.’

Mam was in a bad temper when she came in from gossiping with Maggie Ryan. She looked at the eggs I’d cooked for our tea and then glared at me.

‘I suppose I know where they came from!’ she muttered and banged the pots on the stove. ‘You just watch yourself with that Fred Pearce, my girl. He’s up to no good – giving you things …’

‘It’s only a few eggs, Mam. I gave Tommy two because he’s growing, but I saved one for you. Shall I boil it or fry it for you?’

‘Neither. I’ll put it in the pudding for Mr Phillips’ dinner.’ Her gaze narrowed menacingly as she looked me over. ‘If I find out you’ve been up to something …’

‘I wouldn’t, Mam. You know I wouldn’t do anything to shame you.’

‘You’ll rue the day you were born if I catch you hanging about with men.’ She cuffed my ear in passing as I rose to gather the tea things. ‘Did you speak to Mr Dawson about putting you on the ales?’

‘No, Mam …’ I ducked as she came at me again. ‘Don’t hit me! Mr Dawson is going to give me a rise next week – and Mrs Dawson is going to teach me to be a secretary.’

‘You watch your language, my girl!’ She stared at me suspiciously. ‘What’s that supposed to mean then? I know his sort, all hands. If you’re lettin’ him do things to you …’

‘No, Mam! It means I’m going to keep the accounts and learn to use one of those typing machines. Mrs Dawson says I’ll earn a lot more once I’ve learned than I will on the ales.’

‘How much more?’

‘Perhaps as much as fifteen shillings a week when I’m trained.’

Her mouth twisted in disbelief. ‘She’s having you on, Bridget. They’ll never pay you that! Unless he’s interfering with you? Bloody men, they never know when to keep their hands to themselves.’

‘Of course he isn’t doing anything – Mr Dawson isn’t like that, you know he isn’t. And I wouldn’t let him if he tried. I shan’t get that sort of money for a long time, but the more I learn the more they will pay me. Please don’t make me leave, Mam. I like it there and Mr Dawson said he wouldn’t put me on the ales yet anyway. I should have to go scrubbin’ and then there would be no chance of anything better.’

‘We’ll be needing more money with that whore of a sister of yours leaving us in the lurch, and Jamie bringing home next to nothing.’

‘Jamie hasn’t been able to find regular work. It isn’t his fault … the bosses won’t give him a proper job.’

‘And whose fault is that? He’s a troublemaker like Sam. Always fighting! It was the worst day of my life when I met Sam O’Rourke. I had a good place in service until he …’ She broke off and scowled. ‘If you’re lying to me about the money I’ll make you sorry.’

‘You’ll see, Mam. I’ll bring you extra money next week.’

‘See you do,’ she muttered, clipping my ear again. ‘That’s nothing to what you’ll get if I catch you out, miss. Now you can go up the Feathers and get me a jar of whisky.’ She took half a crown from the shelf and slapped it down on the table in front of me. ‘Come straight back and don’t lose the change.’

I was resentful as I made my way towards the pub at the end of the lane. It was still early in the evening and there were plenty of people about. Mr Ryan from next door was on his way home from work.

Tilly Cullen waved as she scurried home to get her husband’s tea. She was the laziest woman in the street, spending most of her time gossiping with her friend. Maggie Ryan had told me that Tilly’s house was a tip most of the time.

‘I don’t know how she gets away with it,’ Maggie had said. ‘My Mick would take his belt to me if I let things go the way she does.’

When I came out of the Feathers, I glanced round uneasily, half fearing that Harry Wright might be hanging around waiting to grab me again, but there was no sign of him. I breathed a sigh of relief and did my best to put the incident out of my mind; it wasn’t likely that I would see Harry for a while. He couldn’t be sure that I hadn’t told Jamie, and he would be aware of my brother’s reputation.

Even so, I walked home quickly. Ernie Cole and a group of other young men and women were walking up the lane towards me, obviously heading for the pub and a night out. Ernie waved to me but I ignored him as always, hurrying inside the house.

Mam snatched the whisky jar from me as soon as I went into the kitchen. I gave her the change, which she counted before putting it on the mantelpiece.

‘Haven’t you got anything better to do with yourself, Bridget O’Rourke? It’s time you fetched Tommy to bed, and then you can do the ironing. Out of my way, girl! I’ve got to see to Mr Phillips’ dinner.’

I turned away, feeling the resentment bite deep. What did Mam do with herself all day? She washed the clothes and sheets twice a week because of the lodger, but I did most of the other work.

For a few minutes rebellion flared inside me. The future seemed bleak despite the promise of a better job, and I wished I could just walk out the way Lainie had.

Thinking about my sister cheered me up a little. Maybe I could find a way to take Tommy to visit her that weekend. I still had a few pennies left in my pocket. Maisie would sell me a nice bunch of flowers for that.

I called Tommy in from the yard, where he had been playing with Billy Ryan and some of the other lads. He was the reason I stayed here. As long as I had him to take care of, I would put up with Mam and her temper.

Three

‘Harry Wright did what to you?’ Lainie stared at me in horror. ‘Did he hurt you, Bridget? He didn’t manage to … well, you know …?’

‘Careful,’ I warned, ‘I don’t want Tommy to hear. If he were to tell Jamie – you know what would happen. I don’t want Jamie in more trouble.’ I glanced at Tommy, who was playing with a cat in Bridie Macpherson’s back yard and eating an apple.

‘He would go after that bastard for sure,’ Lainie said. ‘He deserves a thrashing for what he did to you.’

‘But then Jamie would go to prison.’

‘Let that devil wait until I see him,’ she said. ‘I’ll have a thing or two to say to him. You should have told Sergeant Jones. He would have sorted him out for you.’

‘I couldn’t. It’s too embarrassing. Don’t let’s talk about it any more. I’m all right. My head was sore for a bit and it gave me a nasty feeling inside, but I’m over it now.’

‘Nothing bothers you for long, does it? If I’d been more like you maybe I wouldn’t have quarrelled with Mam so much.’

‘It was Mam’s fault not yours. Her temper is getting worse all the time.’

‘That’s the drink,’ Lainie said. ‘She guzzles too much of that rot gut stuff from the Feathers. It’s not like good whisky, Bridget. I’m after thinkin’ it’s turned her mind.’

‘You don’t mean that?’

‘It seems that way to me. She wasn’t this bad a few years back, but it’s been coming on for a while … since Da left.’

‘That made things hard for her, Lainie.’

‘She was better off than a good many. I’ve tried to work it out, but I’ve never understood why she’s so hard … so bitter.’

Mrs Macpherson had come into the yard to tell us there was a pot of tea and cakes waiting. ‘You can have your tea with your sister, Lainie,’ she said. ‘Then I need you in the kitchen. We’ve an extra guest this evening and he wants his dinner at six.’

‘I should be going soon anyway,’ I said. ‘It was good of you to let Lainie have time off to talk to us, Mrs Macpherson.’

People might say she was hard on her girls, but I thought Lainie was lucky. Mam would have me at it night and day if she could, and some nights I was so tired I could hardly wait to get my things off and go to bed.

‘Lainie’s a good worker,’ she said. ‘I was pleased to get her, but don’t expect to visit every week. Once a month will suit me, and Lainie gets a half-day every other week.’

We followed Mrs Macpherson into the hotel. She’d set a tray in the little back parlour and she’d been generous with slices of seed cake and treacle tart. Tommy fell on them with delight, wolfing down two slices of each.

‘Don’t make yourself sick,’ I warned, but Lainie smiled and ruffled his hair.

‘Let him enjoy himself, Bridget. Bridie won’t expect any left over. She’s always generous with food, even if she does drive us girls hard.’

‘Is it all right here, Lainie?’

‘It’s better than being at home with Mam after me all the time. And I shall go with Hans as soon as he gets back.’

‘When will that be, Lainie?’

‘He said it would be a short voyage this time. He always stays here and he’ll be surprised to find me waiting for him.’

‘I hope he comes soon,’ I said and felt an odd chill that I couldn’t explain at the back of my neck. ‘I want you to be happy.’

‘Don’t worry about me …’ She paused, wrinkling her nose. ‘I’m going to talk to Hans about you and Tommy. When we’re settled – I might send for you both.’

‘Do you mean it? Would Hans let us? You don’t want to spoil things for yourself.’

‘You don’t know Hans if you think that,’ she said confidently. ‘He’s so good to me, Bridget. I think he would give me the moon if he could …’

Mrs Macpherson was looking at us from the doorway. I jumped up and caught Tommy’s hand. ‘Thank you for the lovely tea,’ I said. ‘We’ll be going now.’

She nodded her approval, ruffling Tommy’s hair as we passed by. ‘You’ve got good manners, Bridget,’ she said. ‘If you ever want to leave home I could find work for you here.’

‘Thank you. It’s generous you are, Mrs Macpherson. I shan’t forget.’

It was cold outside and I shivered, pulling my shawl tighter around me as we passed a gentleman who was about to enter the hotel. He was carrying a large bunch of crimson chrysanthemums and something about his manner made me look at him and smile.

‘Someone is going to be lucky,’ I said. ‘Aren’t they lovely – really big heads and that sort always smells so good.’

He glanced at me, surprised at first and then he replied with an answering smile, ‘They are rather special, aren’t they? I bought them for a friend.’

‘Did you get them from Maisie?’ I asked, chattering on because he seemed such a pleasant man. His clothes told me he didn’t belong in the area; they were too smart – too expensive. I thought he must be gentry, perhaps a country gentleman in town on business and calling on a friend. ‘She had some on her stall yesterday.’

‘What an observant young lady you are,’ he said. ‘Yes, I bought them from Maisie. I usually visit her whenever I’m this way.’

‘On business I suppose?’

I wondered at myself even as I spoke. Normally, I wouldn’t have asked a stranger questions, but I was curious about him. He didn’t look as if he were one of Mrs Macpherson’s regular guests, but he was clearly about to go inside.

‘Business and pleasure,’ he replied looking amused. ‘Bridie is a friend of mine – the flowers are for her. I visit her now and then … When I’m here on business, as you said.’

‘Oh …’ I flushed as I realized that he was laughing at me. ‘I shouldn’t have asked …’

‘I don’t mind.’ He offered me his hand. ‘I am Philip Maitland – and who do I have the honour of addressing?’

‘Bridget O’Rourke,’ I said, suddenly shy as I felt the warm clasp of his hand about mine. ‘My sister Lainie is working for Mrs Macpherson and Tommy and me have been visiting – and I talk too much!’

‘Ah – Miss Bridget O’Rourke,’ he said and nodded. ‘So that’s the source of that delightful accent … just a trace of Irish and very attractive if I may be permitted to say so. Perhaps we shall meet again one day?’

‘Yes, perhaps.’ I was beginning to feel embarrassed. ‘I have to go now.’

‘In that case I must not delay you.’

‘Did you know him?’ Tommy asked when we were out of earshot. ‘Mam will belt you if she knows you were makin’ up to a toff, Bridget.’

‘He was a gentleman. And Mam won’t know, because I shan’t tell her – and you mustn’t either.’

‘You know I wouldn’t tell on you,’ Tommy said giving me a reproachful look. ‘But Tilly Cullen went past while you were laughin’ with him, and you know what she’s like.’

‘Well, we’ll just have to hope she doesn’t tell Mam. Besides, we weren’t doing anything wrong – just talking.’

But I crossed my fingers and hoped Mam wouldn’t hear anything.

She was in an unusually mellow mood when we got in. She grumbled at me and asked where I’d been, but accepted it when I said we’d been to visit Lainie.

‘Mrs Macpherson gave us tea,’ I told her. ‘She says we can visit again next month if we want.’

‘If that slut of a sister of yours is still there. But at least you’ve had your tea so you can get on with cleaning the bedrooms. Mr Phillips has gone on a visit of his own, but he’s paid his rent in full for next week – so we shan’t have to feed him. And he bought me a present.’ She stroked almost lovingly the bottle of good Irish whisky standing on the table in front of her. ‘Well, what are you waiting for?’

‘Do I have to do his room tonight, Mam? If he’s away the week … All right, but I only polished it through two days ago.’

‘Well, you can do it again – and less of your cheek, miss. Or you’ll feel the back of me hand.’

She took a swipe at me as I went past her, but her heart wasn’t in it for once and I was able to avoid the blow. She was pouring herself a glass of whisky as I collected my polishing rags and went through to the parlour. Tommy came clattering up the stairs after me. His face had lost the bright look it had worn all afternoon and I could see that he was close to tears.

‘What’s the matter, me darlin’?’

‘Mam told me to get out of her way. What’s wrong with her, Bridget? Maggie Ryan gets cross with Billy sometimes, but she’s not like Mam.’

I took hold of his hand, leading him into my bedroom and we sat on the bed. He had a little coughing fit, so I waited for him to finish.

‘I don’t know why she’s the way she is, Tommy. I don’t mind her getting at me, but I wish she would be kinder to you.’

‘I wish we could run away together. When I’m grown up I’m going to America to make my fortune and then you can come and live with me. I’ll take care of you, Bridget. Mam won’t shout at you then.’

‘I don’t mind her grumbling,’ I told him and kissed the top of his head. ‘Why don’t you slip next door with Billy and Maggie? I’ll come and fetch you when it’s time for bed.’

He nodded, clearly still troubled, and rubbed at his chest as if it hurt him. ‘Do you ever wish she would die, Bridget?’

‘No, of course not – and nor must you. It would be a mortal sin and you know what Father Brannigan would have to say about that, don’t you?’ The priest was his teacher at the Catholic school he attended, and Tommy respected him. He nodded but looked miserable as I continued: ‘I know Mam has a terrible temper, darlin’, but I don’t wish her harm. One day you and me will go away together.’

‘You should marry Ernie Cole,’ Tommy said and grinned as I pulled a face. ‘He’s sweet on you, our Bridget. You’re a real looker with them green eyes o’ yours. Ernie would come courting if you gave him half a chance.’

‘Get off next door, you cheeky monkey. I’ve work to do!’

I smiled to myself as he laughed and ran out, thinking about what he had said for a moment, but I sneaked a look at myself in the mirror. I supposed I wasn’t bad looking, my hair had reddish tints sometimes and my eyes were a bit green. I knew Ernie liked me, but I doubted he had any thoughts of marriage. I’d seen him off to the pub on Friday and Saturday nights, and the company he chose told me that he wasn’t thinking of settling yet.

I wasn’t sure whether I wanted to be taken out by Ernie – or anyone else come to that. I supposed that I might think of marriage one day, though I was a bit wary of getting trapped into the kind of marriages that some of my neighbours endured.