Agatha Oddly

It’s time to head underground.

Unlocking the grille with my key, I slip inside. The smell that hits me is like seaweed mixed with rotten cabbage – but it’s still far better than when the polluted algae had taken over. Fitting my head torch, I switch it on, and the bright LED beam illuminates the gloomy, uneven space. I hate this passage to the network of tunnels that run under much of London, but it’s my nearest entrance. The low headroom means I have to stay at a crouch throughout. At least experience has taught me to protect my hands with gloves, and to free them up by using the head torch.

I shuffle along as quickly as I can to get through the narrow corridor to the cave at the end. But being in darkness always makes a difficult journey seem slower and I’m soon feeling as though I’ll never get out of this place. I have to stop a couple of times to rub my cramping calves. When I do, the reality of where I am crowds in on me – deep underground, and no one knows I’m here – and I have to slow my breathing and focus on my destination.

At last, I see the passage open out ahead, so I speed up. Reaching the cavern, I stretch and groan, easing out my neck and legs. Then I walk over to the brick wall, where the familiar big cast-iron door is almost fully camouflaged. It opens readily with my key and I step through on to the welcome mat that protects a plush red carpet. I’m inside the headquarters of the Gatekeepers’ Guild.

Professor D’Oliveira’s office is one of many down a long corridor. Along the way, I pass doors bearing other staff members’ names and it occurs to me – not for the first time – how many people are involved in the organisation. I haven’t even met most of these agents and administrative staff, yet they’re clearly an integral part of the Guild. I start to feel quite small by comparison – and I’m not comfortable with the feeling.

At the door marked PROFESSOR D. D’OLIVEIRA, I knock and she gives a brisk ‘Enter!’

Inside, the ‘little old lady’ (her own words, which really don’t do her justice) looks up from a document on her desk and raises her eyebrows.

‘Agatha? I wasn’t expecting you today …?’ Her Caribbean accent is slightly stronger when she’s surprised – it’s the only ‘tell’ she has – the only clue to her real emotions.

I shake my head. ‘I know,’ I say, ‘but I was hoping to talk to you.’ It’s strange how much less confident I feel, now that I’m faced with the professor. She has a big presence for such a small, neat person, and it’s hard not to be … intimidated.

‘Have a seat.’ She gestures to one of the curved wooden chairs in front of her desk, and I sit down.

‘Thank you – I was just …’ I hesitate.

‘You were just wondering when we were going to give you that much-anticipated first case?’ she suggests.

I nod. ‘I just … I feel …’ I take a deep breath: ‘I’ve saved London twice now but you haven’t trusted me with a case of my own yet.’ It sounds slightly childish, but at least I’ve said it.

She surveys me. I can’t read her expression, and I look down at my hands. My purple nail varnish needs a retouch. At last, she sits back in her green leather chair and folds her hands in her lap.

‘You are very young, Agatha …’

‘But I’m more than capable!’

She holds up a hand. ‘Please don’t interrupt. What I was about to say was that, despite your youth and relative inexperience, it has been suggested to me that you might be able to help out with a case I’ve received. We’re short of available agents at the moment.’

Please, please don’t say I’ve ruined it by whining like a spoilt brat …

‘Really?’ I say, holding my breath.

She nods. ‘I would have placed Sofia Solokov on this investigation, but another agent is on sick leave, so Sofia’s had to take over their cases and won’t have time to start on this one.’ She checks her watch. ‘Your new partner is not currently in the building. Please come in at nine thirty tomorrow morning and I’ll introduce you.’

New partner? I’m so shocked, I have to blink back tears. ‘My … partner?’ I stammer. ‘I didn’t realise I’d have to work with someone else …’

‘That is what I meant, when I said that you’re still very young, inexperienced. It will be beneficial to your skillset for you to learn to work as part of a team.’

I flush. ‘Oh, right. Yes, I see …’ I move to stand up. Then I remember my mum – an agent in the Guild herself. I know she didn’t die when her bike collided with a car, which is what the police told Dad and me seven years ago. ‘Professor?’

She’s already gone back to reading a document. ‘Hmm?’

‘Have you heard any more … about who took my mum’s file?’

She looks up. ‘No, Agatha, I’m afraid not. I was really hoping we’d have some answers by now. It troubles me to think of the Guild as vulnerable in this way – that a file could go missing. I hate having to mistrust so many people—’ She stops abruptly, as if she’s giving too much away. ‘But I do have some of my most trusted agents working on finding your mother’s missing file and, I promise you, as soon as we have any information, you’ll be among the first to hear about it.’

‘Thank you,’ I say. ‘Goodbye, Professor.’

‘Goodbye, Agatha. See you tomorrow, at nine thirty.’

‘Yes, see you then.’

Heading out of the area housing the offices, I reach the main corridor. From here, I can proceed to any part of London. I check my watch. It’s only quarter to five. I didn’t make it to kung fu training yesterday, so I decide to head to the dojo – the gym where I learn with my sifu (master teacher), Mr Zhang.

It’s not far to Soho from here, so I set off, jogging along the tunnels as both a warm-up and a continuation of my promise to Dad. As I run, I think back to the day I was accepted into the Guild – and then the discovery that my mum’s dossier was missing from the file rooms. I’d spent so much time believing that, when I found out who or what she’d been investigating, I’d finally have some answers, but without the file all that information was gone …

I wipe away an angry tear as I think about it again and focus on my breathing, drawing strength from the pumping of my lungs and heart. I will find out. I will find out, I think, in time to the pounding of my feet.

Back above ground, Mr Zhang’s granddaughter greets me at the door of the Black Bamboo restaurant.

‘Agatha, hi!’

‘Hi, Bai! Is your grandfather busy? I was hoping to train.’

‘He’s downstairs. Do you have your gi?’ She’s referring to my white training tunic and trousers.

I hold up my backpack. ‘Always.’

I change in a tiny room at the back, leaving my clothes neatly folded on a chair. There’s a framed Chinese symbol on the wall that represents the name for a dish called biang biang noodles. I study it for a moment. It’s famous for being hard to write, and even my near-photographic brain has trouble remembering every ink mark.

‘Sifu.’

We bow to one another, then Mr Zhang nods and says, ‘Show me the new sequence I taught you.’

I work through it, concentrating hard as I turn, kicking and punching the air and keeping my weight low to the ground.

‘Good,’ he says. ‘Very good. You are making excellent progress. We will make a master of you yet.’

‘Thank you, sifu,’ I say, bowing my head.

He has me work on various moves and then use a punch bag.

‘Focus!’ he shouts. ‘When your mind is distracted, you lose the essential balance of mind and body.’

‘Yes, sifu.’

We work until I’m out of breath. I check my watch. It’s half past five. I need to hurry if I’m to keep my promise to be back at the cottage by six. I thank Mr Zhang, run upstairs to get changed and shout my goodbyes to him and Bai.

I jog all the way home. It’s amazing how much fitter I am now that I train regularly. The route is lovely – the whole of Oxford Street is lit up with early-Christmas windows, and it’s hard not to keep stopping to admire the scenes.

Balance and focus, I remind myself, thinking of my lesson with Mr Zhang.

I can’t help wondering who my partner in the Guild will be. What if they’re like Sofia – bossy and judgemental?

Back home, I follow a trail of muddy items through the hallway – boots, fleece and gardening gloves – until I find Dad in the kitchen, making dinner. Oliver greets me again, purring loudly as he rubs against my legs.

‘Hi, Dad!’

‘Hi, Aggie. How was the jog?’

‘Bracing!’ I shiver. ‘Were you OK working outside today?’

‘Oh, you know me – I don’t mind the cold. We retreated to the glasshouses once it got dark. Omelettes OK again?’

‘Great. Do you want me to make them?’ I offer.

‘No, I’ve got it. You go for your shower.’

‘OK! Then shall I make a fire in the living room?’

‘Good plan,’ he says. ‘Let’s eat in there – it’ll be nice and cosy.’

After my wash, Oliver comes with me to the living room and keeps me company as I set to work building a fire in the little stove. Dad’s taught me how to do this, using old newspaper as kindling and waiting for the flame to catch. It’s important to keep the stove door open at this stage. Then, when it’s blazing, I add pieces of wood – but not large ones nor too many, or the fire will be suffocated. Once it’s burning reliably, the door can be shut.

‘There,’ I tell Oliver, as I take a seat on the sofa and spread a fleecy throw over my legs. ‘That’s better, isn’t it?’

His purring reaches new decibels and he leaps on to my lap, where he turns round several times before deciding on the optimal position and curling up. His whole body starts to vibrate with contentment. I’ve read that stroking a pet can lower a person’s heart rate and blood pressure. I’m probably a bit too young to worry about either of those, but there’s definitely something soothing about running my hands over Oliver’s smooth fur.

Dad brings in dinner and I eat carefully, holding my plate up close to my chin, so I don’t drop any hot food on the cat. My omelette is filled with Cheddar cheese and baked beans – my favourite combination.

‘So, how was the trip?’ he asks.

‘Interesting, thanks.’

He raises an eyebrow. ‘I thought you found your art teacher – Mrs Sheldon … Shelby …? – boring?’

‘Shelley.’

‘As in the poet?’

‘Yep. And she is boring. But the paintings were amazing, and there was this boy there, who knew all about art.’

‘What? Surely not more than you?’

‘Maybe a little bit …’ I grin. ‘It was weird, though – the Sunflowers painting had been moved for the Van Gogh exhibition and it looked different in its new spot.’

Dad takes a sip of water. ‘Different how?’

‘Paler … or brighter.’ I sigh. ‘Hard to explain – but Arthur didn’t say anything about the change.’

‘Arthur? Is that the young man?’

I nod. ‘He loves that painting too. It’s really interesting how just moving a picture to a different spot can change its appearance like that, isn’t it?’ Dad is nodding, listening intently. ‘So … how are the cuttings?’ I ask.

‘They’re coming along beautifully, thanks. We were potting up the yew today – it’s getting quite bushy.’

‘Yew,’ I say, closing my eyes and consulting my internal filing system. ‘Taxus Baccata. Widely planted in churchyards, to keep it away from livestock, because of its toxicity.’

‘Very good. Although there is a lot of interesting debate these days as to the motives for churchyard planting …’

I zone out. It’s a terrible habit, but I just can’t focus on Dad’s horticulture lectures. My mind keeps skipping ahead to tomorrow morning, when I’ll find out who my partner’s going to be. They can’t be worse than Sofia, I reason. It’s still nerve-wracking, though, to contemplate having to work with someone I don’t know. It’s not exactly how I’d pictured my first case.

‘So, there you have it,’ finishes Dad brightly. ‘The debate around the common yew.’

‘Great, Dad.’ I finish scraping the last of the tomato sauce off my plate and put down my fork. ‘Look, I have homework …’

I don’t need to finish the sentence. ‘Sure – I’ll wash up,’ he says. He puts on a bad French accent. ‘After all, if ze little grey cells are not exercised, zey grow ze rust.’

‘Are you misquoting Poirot at me?’

‘Hey! Why should you get all the fun?’ He has a point.

‘Thank you for tea – and for washing up.’ I stand up and give him a kiss on the cheek before heading up to my attic bedroom.

Sitting at my desk, staring at the maths sheet in front of me, I find the numbers beginning to blur. I swivel in my chair and my eyes alight on the pile of red notebooks on a high shelf. These contain all the information I’ve collated over the years about my mum’s death. I don’t believe she was killed in a bicycle accident, but I still don’t know what did happen to her. I seem to be thwarted every time I try to find out.

You see, Mum – Clara Oddlow – was an agent of the Gatekeepers’ Guild before I’d even heard of it. By becoming an agent myself, I’d planned to gain access to her files, to find out what she was working on when she died.

My mind drifts back to that day in the summer, when Professor D’Oliveira and Sofia had taken me to the Guild file rooms, but I found the folders bearing my mum’s name had been emptied of documents and filled with blank paper.

I shake off these unhappy memories and focus on the maths questions I’ve been set as homework. I’m pretty good at maths, but nothing compared to Liam. Still, it doesn’t take me long to get the work done. I sigh with satisfaction as I slip my exercise book back into my backpack.

I get up from the chair and lie down on my bed. It’s cold and draughty, so I snuggle under the duvet. From here, I can see all the charts and artefacts that mark this room as mine. There’s the map of London, the bust of Queen Victoria, the beautiful hardback editions of Agatha Christie’s crime novels and her short stories. There are also the two clothes racks with my assortment of outfits and costumes, some of which have been useful for disguising myself during cases.

As I change for bed, I glance over at the photo beside my bed. It’s of my mum astride her bike, one foot on the ground for balance.

‘I will find out what happened to you, Mum – I promise,’ I tell her for the thousandth time. But I mean it – I won’t rest until I have all the answers. Before I go to sleep, I tell her about Arthur, and his fascination with the impasto texture of Van Gogh’s painting. It was good to meet someone who shares my passion for beautiful things and didn’t think me odd for being obsessed with Sunflowers.

‘Night, Mum,’ I tell her, as I turn off the light.

I leap out of bed when my alarm goes off on Wednesday morning. My dreams have been filled with images of potential partners, from a very frail old man to a supremely bossy Hermione Granger, and even an Inspector Gadget. It takes a while for my sleep-fogged brain to realise they aren’t real.

Sliding my feet into my granddad-style tartan slippers and donning my dressing gown, I head downstairs.

Dad’s up already, urgently shovelling cereal into his mouth, as if it’s been several days since his last meal.

‘Morning,’ he says brightly through a mouthful of cornflakes.

‘Morning.’ I sit down at the table and reach for the Coco Pops.

‘What’s your schedule for today?’ he teases.

‘Oh, thought I’d go to school …’

‘Mmm, why not?’ He plays along. ‘And maybe try not to run off and solve any mysteries?’

‘Well, unless something comes up …’

He shakes his head. ‘A hopeless case,’ he says – but he’s smiling.

I finish my cereal and run upstairs to clean my teeth and get changed into my uniform. I’ve worked out that I have time to show my face at registration, before finding a way to leave again. If I get marked as present this morning, I can keep my attendance figures from sinking too quickly. I add a floral scarf and my red beret, then pull on my coat. Having a sudden idea how to get out of school, I rummage through my disguises and add some items to my backpack.

Finally, I stuff another change of clothes as well into my already bulging backpack – I have a feeling that school uniform would seriously undermine my credibility as an investigator.

Outside, the wind is still biting. I hurriedly fasten my coat right to the top and tighten the knot in my scarf. Then, despite my fatigue, I jog most of the way to school, keen to get out of the cold as quickly as possible. When I’m within sight of the school gates, I hear someone calling my name. Turning, I catch sight of Brianna. She’s not hurrying – Brianna rarely rushes anywhere – and she looks almost blue with cold.

‘Come on,’ I say, ‘I’m not staying out here any longer than I have to.’

One of the best things about St Regis is that we’re allowed to go straight in when we arrive. As soon as we get inside, we find a radiator to lean against. Shivering, I glance around and catch sight of Liam, standing close by. He’s talking to a girl I vaguely recognise from class. They seem to be discussing mathematical theories.

He grins at Brianna and me and says, ‘Tamsin’s also a fan of Fermat!’

‘Is that the one with the salivating dogs?’ asks Brianna.

‘That’s Pavlov,’ Liam and I say in unison, and we both laugh.

‘Pierre de Fermat is considered one of the founders of the modern theory of numbers,’ I quote, from a piece I read the first time Liam mentioned Fermat, when I’d had no idea who he was. ‘He was born in the early 1600s and was one of the leading mathematicians of the first half of the seventeenth century.’

‘Who needs Wikipedia when they’ve got Agatha?’ says Brianna. She glances behind me and mutters, ‘Incoming!’

We hold our breath as Sarah Rathbone and her entourage pass by. Sarah doesn’t acknowledge us, thankfully, and we all breathe out with relief.

Without warning, a voice booms in my direction. ‘Remove your coat, hat and scarf at once, Miss Oddlow! You’re in school now!’ It’s our form teacher, the formidable Mrs Bodley-Finch, lurking in the corridor so she can jump out at unsuspecting students. I’m convinced she has chameleon powers and can blend in to the background.

‘Sorry, ma’am!’ I take off the offending articles, folding the coat and scarf carefully and placing them all in my backpack. Liam and I call a ‘See you later!’ to Brianna and walk towards our form room.

‘The professor’s given me a case,’ I whisper as we walk along. ‘I’m going over to the Guild after the register.’

His eyes go wide. ‘You went over there and asked her?’

I nod. ‘And she said she had something for me.’

‘That’s great! So how will you get out of this place?’

‘I’ve brought a disguise.’

Liam shakes his head and sighs. ‘Aggie, no offence, but you did get caught when you tried to impersonate a health inspector. And a tree surgeon.’

‘I know,’ I say. ‘That’s why I’ve chosen a foolproof costume this time.’

We follow the other students into our form room, where I catch our teacher’s eye and smile innocently.

‘Morning, Mrs Bodley-Finch.’

She glowers and looks away. She has only two expressions: frowning and glowering. I wonder what it’s like to be her husband, forever waiting for a smile that isn’t going to come.

Liam and I take our usual seats in the middle of the room.

‘What’s your disguise?’ he whispers.

But Mrs Bodley-Finch frowns at him and says, ‘That’s enough talking, Liam!’

As soon as we’ve escaped from registration, I head towards the girls’ cloakroom to get changed. ‘Let Brianna know what’s going on, will you?’ I murmur to Liam in parting.

‘But wait,’ he says, ‘you haven’t told me your disguise!’ but I don’t reply.

In the cloakroom, I pull my outfit from my backpack. I only have one school skirt, so after I’ve taken it off I’m careful to fold it neatly before placing it in my backpack with the rest of my uniform. I’m especially pleased with my disguise, which is the uniform for St Mary’s School for Girls – the school just down the road from St Regis. I check in the mirror as I don my costume. With the addition of a blonde wig and blue-framed glasses, I’m unrecognisable. Better yet, I look uncannily like Meredith Atkins – this year’s director of the St Mary’s school play.

Let me explain. Every year, St Regis allows St Mary’s School for Girls to use its state-of-the-art theatre for their school production – and St Mary’s takes its annual production very seriously. I’ve seen Meredith coming and going, even in lesson times. She’s only two years ahead of me, and I’ve envied her the ability to leave school at whim. Now, with wedge heels that raise me to around her height, I’m going to borrow her freedom.

When I reach reception, the secretary barely glances my way before pressing the button to open the door. I march out, arms round a folder that could easily conceal the script of a play (but actually holds my maths homework). The walk across the playground feels longer than ever before. It reminds me of those prison films, where there’s a revolving light, picking out prisoners as they attempt to make a break for it. My heart’s pounding at the thought that I could get caught just as I’m about to escape. But, just as I reach the metal gate, it swings open at the secretary’s command, and I’m through! I take a deep breath of icy air and begin to walk, shivering without my coat.

At least I’ll soon be underground.

Over the past few months, I’ve been introduced to a number of routes to the Guild HQ that are far more comfortable than the one beside the Serpentine. I choose one now – a well-built tunnel, which has its entrance right next to Grosvenor Square Gardens. There’s a bike-hire rack close by, so I pay for a bicycle and wheel it over to the rhododendron bush, behind which the metal entrance door is sited.

Checking for onlookers, I dodge behind the large shrub and take my key from round my neck. It turns soundlessly in the well-oiled lock. I swing the door open, wheel the bike through and manage to close the door behind me. I’ve grown accustomed to bumping bicycles down steps into subterranean passageways. I use the torch on my phone to light my way to the bottom of the flight. Leaning my bike against the wall, I rummage in my backpack for yet another set of alternative clothes. It wouldn’t be my first choice of changing room, but needs must. I don black trousers, a white shirt, a pair of smart trainers, and I pull my red coat out from the bottom of my bag, and I’m set to go. Then I mount the bike, push off and let its self-charging lamps illuminate the tunnels. I feel a bit as though I’m flying, with my coat billowing out behind me like a cape.

It takes less than ten minutes to reach the massive door that marks the main entrance to the Gatekeepers’ Guild. Two armed guards check my pass and let me through. Leaving my hired bike in a set of racks provided for the purpose, I make my way through the various passages on foot, until I reach Professor D’Oliveira’s office.

She calls ‘Enter!’ in answer to my knock, and I step inside. ‘Good morning, Agatha. Please take a seat.’