The Way We Wed

Jeff hadn’t done a lot of dating, mostly because living at Condor with East when he’d been a teenager didn’t give him much opportunity. Except for school kids, the only people he’d spent time with had been SPEAR agents much older than he. And East had kept him on a fast track of learning, year-round classes to make up for studies he’d missed as a runaway, then college and finally med school where he spent the few free hours he had falling facedown on the bed, dead to the world with exhaustion.

Sure, there’d been a few women; after all, he wasn’t a monk. Enough so that he recognized that certain look in a woman’s eyes when she was sizing up a man, considering possibilities, wondering, imagining. That special male-female connection that is difficult to explain but is unmistakable to the parties involved.

And Tish Buckner was definitely sending out those signals.

Maybe he’d try getting her alone after dinner tonight, ask her to go for a walk, get to know her. Checking the time, Jeff saw that it was nearing six. He went back to the bathroom and took pains getting ready, combing his thick blond hair just so, choosing pressed chinos and a navy shirt, loafers instead of cowboy boots.

Patting shaving lotion on his face, he studied his image and spoke to the mirror. “That’s as good as it gets, folks,” then smiled at his flight of fancy. Was Tish causing him to talk to himself? he wondered as he grabbed his leather jacket and left his room.

She was already in the dining room, seated at Slim’s table for six as usual. Reggie Miller, a fortyish agent who thought of himself as God’s gift to women, was regaling two female agents and Tish with tales of his days as a lumberjack in the Pacific Northwest as Jeff took the last chair after filling his plate at the buffet table. There were greetings all around, though Reggie barely stopped in his recitation to nod toward him.

Apparently Reggie’s story had been quite funny since there was hearty laughter when he finished. Jeff concentrated on his food with occasional glances at Tish, biding his time.

“I heard about what you did at the branding,” Slim said in a quiet aside to Jeff. “I guess you loosened a couple of Mac’s teeth.” The normally taciturn manager grinned. “Wish I’d have seen that.”

“It’s about time someone punched out his lights,” Marge Collins on the other side of Jeff commented. “But I’d watch my back, Jeff. He’s a mean one.”

“I think Jeff can handle himself,” Tish said softly, her eyes on him.

“Then again, could’ve been a lucky punch,” Reggie said, anxious to turn the attention back to himself. “I did some boxing awhile back. That old one-two punch comes from street fighting, right, sonny?” he asked, his cool gaze on Jeff.

Every time he’d been around Reggie, the man had called him sonny even though he knew his name. It was a subtle put-down, but Jeff wasn’t about to rise to the bait tonight. One fight a day was more than enough. “Call it what you want, it worked.”

Reggie couldn’t think of a clever comeback, so he changed the subject to the ride up into the high country scheduled for the next day to deliver salt to the cows in the far pasture. “We could go together, Tish. It’s real pretty up there this time of year.”

Jeff heard her say something noncommittal before he turned to answer a question Slim had asked. The conversation shifted to other topics as they finished their meal. Finally, Reggie left the table to get his dessert and Jeff saw his chance. Sliding back his chair, he rose and walked around the table to Tish’s side.

“It’s a nice night,” he began, standing behind her chair, inhaling the fresh scent of her hair. “I was wondering if you’d like to go for a walk.”

“I’d like to, Jeff, but…”

“But she’s promised to take me on in a game of chess,” Reggie said as he returned with a generous slice of pie. “I don’t suppose you play, eh, sonny?”

For the second time that day, Jeff wanted to hit a man, and he wasn’t very happy about it. “Some other time then,” he said more curtly than he’d intended, and left the dining room.

He needed fresh air, Jeff decided, to be outside where he could walk off his anger and this pent-up energy. Detouring through the kitchen, he stopped to praise Elsa’s barbecued brisket while he snitched a couple of small carrots and apples. He stuffed them in the pockets of his jacket, gave the cook a quick hug and escaped.

Finally outdoors, he stood on the back porch, breathing in the fresh mountain air. He walked out toward the barns, then stopped, closed his eyes and listened. Here, away from the people and buildings, it was so different. The world was alive with sound—the muted gurgle of water rushing over stones in the nearby creek, the flutter of wings as a night bird flew by, crickets singing and small, furry creatures darting about in the underbrush. A distant owl sent up a protest as Jeff slapped at a mosquito.

He slipped on his jacket and strolled. From the barns came the sounds of a horse whinnying, probably a stallion picking up the scent of a mare.

Walking briskly, he headed for the stables, circling the entire structure before going inside. The horses were housed in a long aluminum building with stalls on either side and cement flooring on the center aisle plus overhead track lighting, now on dim as Jeff pushed open the sliding door. Thoroughly modern, all of Red Rock’s barns were electronically monitored by the ranch manager or his assistant so that it wasn’t necessary to have a person on hand to check on the animals at night. But the ranchers often wandered in to inspect their mounts or to tend to a sick cow or newborn calf.

Tonight, the horse stable appeared to be empty of humans, Jeff noted as he strolled down the center aisle. As he passed the stalls, he noticed ears twitch as the horses turned their big heads toward him, acknowledging his presence. One or two snuffle-guffed or snorted and from the far end came a short whinny. The combined scent of leather and animal hide wasn’t altogether unpleasant, he thought as he sauntered along, whispering a soft greeting to this one and that.

Snowflake, a two-year-old spirited white mare he’d ridden yesterday, bobbed her big head at him, inviting attention. “Okay, girl,” he said softly, “I see you.” He caressed her nose as she nuzzled him, sniffing out the treats in his pocket. Laughing, he gave her one of the carrots and walked on.

He spoke to a few more mares, reading their names from the metal plate attached to each stall door. Pausing at Belladonna’s stall, he greeted the big chestnut. “She gave you quite a workout again, eh, girl? Yeah, I saw you both and you looked like you were loving it.” He stroked her nose while the mare poked her way around toward his pocket. Funny how horses could ferret out a treat in moments.

“Has she been down here to see you tonight, Bella?” Jeff asked as he gave her an apple. “Or is she playing chess with that creep, all the while thinking of me?” He chuckled at that thought as he watched the mare’s big teeth make quick work of the apple. “Yeah, right.” With a last pat, he moved on down, heading for the males at the far end.

Domino, the black stallion he’d ridden earlier today, was restlessly pawing the floor of his stall. He let out a sharp whinny when he spotted Jeff and shook his proud head, ruffling his thick mane. “Yeah, I know how you feel, boy.”

Jeff wandered closer and saw the big horse settle down as he gave him an apple, though he was sure food wasn’t the stallion’s biggest problem. His back to the section he’d come from, he leaned on the door of the empty stall next to Domino’s. “Got a girlfriend down there you’d like a little time with?” he asked the stallion, male to male. “Is she playing hard to get?” Domino bobbed his big head as if in answer to his question. “Females! They’re like that, aren’t they, boy?”

Finished with the apple, Domino stuck his head over the half door, looking for more treats, able to smell them. “Greedy, aren’t you?” But Jeff gave him a carrot nonetheless.

Sighing, he gazed out the high window on the far wall, seeing the stars filling the night sky. “Not a good night to be alone, right, Domino?”

He shook his head, trying to figure things out. “All I wanted was to take a walk with her. Was that so much to ask? If I was smart, I’d walk away and forget her. But I keep seeing those big eyes, how the corners crinkled up when she poked fun at herself the other night, the way they warmed when she talked about liking Dad. Her skin is so soft, you know, and her hair makes a man want to bury his fingers in it. Then there’s her mouth and, well, hell! There’s just something about Tish Buckner that—”

Jeff heard a sound behind him and swung around.

She was standing on the opposite side two stalls down, one elbow propped on the door. She was wearing black slacks and a white silk blouse. She’d slipped on a rust-colored suede jacket against the desert night’s chill. Even in the dim light, he could see those steady brown eyes watching him, her expression unreadable.

He covered up his surprise by coughing into his fist. “I believe you’ve interrupted a private conversation, lady.” And he wondered just how much of his ramblings she’d heard.

Her lips twitched just the tiniest bit. “I apologize. I should leave you two guys alone.”

He waved a forgiving hand. “That’s all right.” He turned to Domino who practically had his nose buried in Jeff’s pocket. “Do you mind if she stays?” he asked as he gave the stallion another carrot. “No? Okay then.” He swung back to Tish. “You can stay.”

“That’s very kind of you both.” Still trying to hide a smile, she moved a bit closer. “Having a man-to-man conversation, are you? Or should I say, man-to-horse?”

Jeff leaned back on the empty stall across from her, propping his elbows on the half door. “More like man-to-stallion.” He gestured with his head in the direction of the mares. “They wouldn’t understand because they’re the problem. Females, that is.”

Looking as if she were enjoying this, she seemed to relax. “What sort of problem are you and Domino having with females? Maybe I can help. After all, I am a female.”

“Oh, yes, you are. I definitely noticed that.” He glanced at Domino who was noisily finishing his carrot. “You don’t mind if I bring her in on this, do you?” The stallion snorted. “I’ll take that as a yes.”

Jeff stepped across the cement walk, seemingly pondering a serious problem, and stopped alongside Tish. “Well, you see, Domino’s got this mare he’s interested in and he’d kind of like to play it out, get to know her, see where they could take it, you know? But she’s backing off, pretending she’s not interested, even though we think she is. Tell me, how would you handle that?”

Tish shoved her hands into the pockets of her jacket as she looked down at the floor littered with hay. “That’s a tough one. Did it occur to either of you that perhaps she’s really not interested and simply doesn’t want to hurt his feelings by just blurting it out?”

“No,” Jeff answered immediately. “We know she’s interested. Men know these things.” His smile was cocky now, challenging.

“I see.” Just that quickly, her eyes turned serious. “Maybe she is interested, a little, but she has a very good reason for not pursuing things. Maybe she’s very intent on her job and thinks it’s a mistake to get involved with a fellow worker.” Tish paused, then raised her eyes to his. “And maybe she’s simply not good at relationships and prefers to stay…unencumbered.”

“Unencumbered.” Jeff seemed to consider that. “Good word, but shucks, lady, I think what Domino had in mind was less an encumbrance and more like a thing. You know, a fling.”

Tish raised her dark brows. “A fling? Well, gentlemen, you should know that most females, human or horse, aren’t all that enthusiastic about flings. At least not mature females who are involved in serious careers.”

“Sooo,” Jeff drew out the word as he edged closer to her. “You don’t want another relationship or a fling. Hell, lady, no wonder we males can’t figure you women out.” In a move too fast for her to dodge, he took hold of the front of her blouse and tugged her up against his chest. “Maybe this will help you make up your mind.” And his mouth closed over hers.

Shocked by his own boldness, Jeff knew he couldn’t back down now. He’d never done more than shake hands with another agent, yet here he was tussling with one after meeting her mere days ago. His only excuse was that since the first moment he’d seen Tish Buckner, he’d been able to think about little else.

He’d been expecting her temper, perhaps a struggle, even possibly a kick in the shins followed by a hard slap. After all, she’d warned him twice to keep his hands to himself. Instead, she stiffened for several long seconds, holding herself rigid. Jeff ignored that and tried to coax her lips to respond while his hands at her back kneaded and caressed. Just when he was about to give up and give her this round, her lips began to move, to answer.

She opened to him, allowing his tongue entry to the secrets of her mouth, while her arms raised and enfolded him. White-hot passion exploded in a flash of heat, its intensity so unexpected that he nearly lost his footing. Her mouth was so soft, so giving and he drank from her like a desert walker who’d just found water. Her body was small and firm, and suddenly straining to get closer, the sweet friction driving him crazy.

Shaken, Jeff drew back, breathing hard.

Tish stared up at him, her eyes luminous in the dim lighting, looking as if she were fighting some internal demons, and losing the battle. She drew in a deep breath, yet it didn’t seem to calm her. Then, in an act that mimicked his, she grabbed his shirt front and pulled him to her, kissing him with an urgency that set his blood to boiling. There was no surrender in her kiss, but rather an acknowledgment of a need that perfectly matched his. She held him close, lost in passion newly awakened.

Just that quickly, Jeff began to fall over the edge and into love. How long had he subconsciously wanted and waited for such a woman? he wondered in the sluggish part of his brain still able to think. The scent and feel and taste of her wiped out the memory of every other woman he’d ever touched. His hands were trapped in the thickness of her hair as her sweet feminine fragrance wrapped around him. How could he have known she’d taste like all his wild dreams, exotic yet romantic at the same time? How could he have guessed she was the other half of him, just waiting to be found?

This time it was Tish who drew away, taking a step back, lowering her head and trying to regain control. Jeff ran a hand through his hair, unnerved to find it unsteady. He’d been wanting to kiss her, hoping to interest her, but even in his reckless dreams, he hadn’t expected either of them to react quite so fervently.

He saw Tish shake her head as if to clear her mind. He thought he ought to say something, though he wasn’t sure what that should be.

“Look, I…”

“No,” she said, “let me.” Eyes downcast, she seemed to search for the right words. “I—I obviously didn’t expect that to happen or that I’d—I’d—”

“Feel so much?” he offered.

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to his. “Yes, exactly. All the more reason why I need to keep my distance from you. I don’t have time for whatever it is you have in mind. SPEAR is very important to me and—”

“It’s important to me, too. But the attraction we feel for one another has nothing to do with SPEAR.”

As if she hadn’t heard, she went on. “SPEAR keeps me focused, grounded, and I need that. I don’t need a fling or a thing.”

Jeff decided to backtrack a bit, thinking perhaps he’d rushed her. “Why don’t we aim for friendship and see where that takes us?” Although he knew he was already light-years past a mere friendship.

Tish studied his face, then shook her head. “No, friendship isn’t what you have in mind. I can see it in your eyes. I’ve noticed for days now that you’ve been watching me and I know what you’re thinking.”

Caught between amusement and curiosity, he stepped closer. “Just what is it you think I want?”

She was quiet, thoughtful, then raised her chin. “More. More than I have to give.”

Jeff thought that over for a few seconds. “Someone hurt you badly, didn’t they?” he asked softly.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Bad enough.”

“So you’re not going to let anyone get close enough to do it again. Is that about it?” When she didn’t reply, he had his answer. Again he invaded her space just enough so she had to look up at him. “What makes you think I’d hurt you, Tish?”

She gave him a long look. “Because you’re someone I could care for. Only people we care for can truly hurt us.”

Jeff wanted to ask who had hurt her, what had happened, but he didn’t want her to close up and back away. She’d admitted she could care for him. He’d work from there. There’d be time for questions later.

He disentangled her arms and took her hands on his. “I won’t hurt you. I swear. Let me prove it to you.”

She closed her eyes, as if fighting her own needs. “Please, Jeff. This can’t go anywhere.”

He smiled then, hoping to lighten her mood. “Honey, it already has.”

She took a deep breath, drawing courage. “No, I’m serious. I can’t get involved.”

His heart lurched. This didn’t sound like good news. “Are you going to tell me you’re married?” Naomi Star at the front desk had said Tish was single, but she could have been mistaken. The man who’d hurt her, was she still involved with him?

She stared into his eyes as the seconds ticked by. “Would it make a difference if I were?”

He didn’t answer her. Instead, he shifted her closer. “You couldn’t be happily married and kiss me like you just did.” But he waited, his breath backing up in his throat.

“You’re right about that and no, I’m not married,” she said at last.

Jeff visibly relaxed. “Then what? What’s wrong?”

She found the middle button of his shirt fascinating as she tried to tell him. “After you left, I talked privately to Slim and asked him a couple of questions about you. I wanted to know some things and—”

“I thought you were going to play chess with Wonder Boy.”

“I begged off from that.”

“Good move.” He squeezed her arms. “I don’t mind if you talked with Slim. I have nothing to hide. Did he say something that upset you?”

“Not really upset me, it’s just that he told me you’ve got a couple of years of residency to go yet and I’m sent all over the world by SPEAR. I don’t think long distance relationships work well and I’m committed to my work.”

“I’m committed to SPEAR, too. I don’t see what that has to do with anything.” Domino chose that moment to give out with a loud whinny. “See, he doesn’t either.”

“No, wait, Jeff, I—”

“No, Tish, you wait.” He leaned down, his face inches from hers. “When I kissed you just now, when you kissed me back, tell me honestly how you felt, and remember, Domino’s listening.”

Her features changed, lightened, as she remembered and a gentle blush warmed her face. “Honestly?” She looked hesitant, then apparently decided to tell him the truth. “I felt like the top of my head was going to take off, like I was walking into a hot, white flame, like nothing I’ve ever felt before.”

Jeff smiled. “So did I, and that’s something neither of us can fake. That’s all we need to know, how we feel now. The future will work out somehow. Let’s try friendship, companionship, doing fun things together. And let’s stop worrying so much.” He bent his head, needing to kiss her again, but her hand on his chest held him at bay.

“You’re going way too fast for me. We’ve just met and—”

“And we just kissed,” he said, interrupting her protests. “And nothing, nothing will ever be the same again. For either of us.”

She released an exasperated sigh. “You’re an incurable romantic, I see. Life isn’t that simple. We don’t all live happily ever after because we’re attracted to someone. I should know. I vowed two years ago that I’d never buy into that impossible dream again. Apparently you haven’t had to face life’s harsher realities yet.”

It wasn’t the way he’d intended to tell her, if at all. His difficult youth and more recent ordeal were, in fact, things he rarely mentioned. But apparently she thought he was the fair-haired prince born with a silver spoon who’d led a charmed life. He had to let her know.

“I suppose you’re right,” he said, stepping back. “I probably haven’t had too many harsh realities. Unless you’d call being born to two alcoholics who did me a big favor by abandoning me at age ten, although living on the streets for four years wasn’t exactly a day at the beach. Then there was a more recent incident where a couple of Simon’s men kidnapped me, buried me alive and left me to die there. Other than that, my life’s been a breeze.”

The shocked look on her face made him wish he hadn’t been quite so flip. But he wanted her to stop thinking of him as some pampered, privileged person.

“Oh, God, Jeff. Abandoned. Buried alive. I had no idea.”

“And I didn’t want to bring it up, but I need you to realize that we all have stuff in our past that makes us who we are. I’m well aware life isn’t simple and that we can’t all live happily ever after. But when someone comes along who touches us, I think it’s a mistake not to pursue that. Do you see where I’m coming from?”

She looked as if she wanted to ask more questions, but then seemed to decide now wasn’t the time. “Yes, I do.”

He shifted her closer back into his arms. “Good because you can run from me, but you can’t hide.”

Finally, her smile was genuine. “I don’t want to run or hide from you. But I would like to ask you something.”

“Anything,” he said and meant it.

“Would you kiss me like that again?”

“Oh, lady,” Jeff murmured as he lowered his mouth to hers.

They hung around the horse barn a while longer, lingering over kisses that set their blood heating. Only the night clerk was awake downstairs when they’d finally made their way into the main building, the lights on low. His arm around her shoulders, Jeff walked Tish to her room, where they both paused in the dim hallway.

“I don’t want to let you go,” Jeff whispered, his hands on her waist, his lips nuzzling her neck.

Tish seemed to be struggling, wanting to be with him yet feeling she shouldn’t begin something she couldn’t finish. “Me, either,” she finally admitted.

He eased back and studied her fine features now that his eyes had adjusted to the near darkness. “You seem afraid. Why?”

“Because I’m getting in too deep too quickly, something I promised myself I’d never do again.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Maybe if she told him about the person who’d hurt her, she’d feel better. They could go into her room, talk in the sitting area, though it might tax his resolve to not touch her.

“No,” she said quickly. Then more softly, “No. Maybe one day, but not now.” She raised a hand to touch his hair, then trailed her fingertips along his cheeks and chin. Leaning back, her gaze stayed on his face. “You have the most incredible green eyes. It’s the first thing I noticed about you.”

“Not my manly physique?”

She smiled. “That’s not bad, either, but, no, your eyes. They’re such a vibrant shade in the daylight, then they turn to emerald at night. I admit that I’m jealous.”

“You needn’t be. Your eyes could be any color and still be beautiful.”

Her expression turned shy. “I wasn’t fishing.”

“I know. Still, I have to tell you, it wasn’t your eyes I noticed first.”

Suddenly wary, she looked up. “All right, tell me what.”

“The way you rode that mare, like the two of you were one. You impressed me and everyone else watching. Where’d you learn to ride like that?” It seemed to Jeff that a shadow crossed over her features, then was gone just as quickly.

“Upstate New York where I was raised. My family belonged to a country club and a hunt club. By the time I was ten, I was competing.”

“Ah, the blue bloods. I suppose you went to Ivy League schools. Must be nice, dear old Dad having tons of money.” This time he couldn’t mistake the frosty look that she struggled to hide.